Greetings Brothers,
Another update this one from back in Canada.
Ok lets start with my last full day in China. As usual my Zhen came to the hotel and we went down for breakfast. Today there were no big plans just spending our remaining time together. We stayed in the hotel room and discussed future plans with the very limited help of the electronic translator.
When it was time for lunch we met with our son RuiChen and had a family meal just the 3 of us. With RuiChen's help we communicated a bit easier but really only chatted, nothing deep but still a quality family meal and we all had fun. After lunch RuiChen went back to school and Zhen and I went to a local park just to wander around outside and be together. We have become so comfortable with each other that we do not need to fill in all the time with conversation. Just being close and together is enough, although we are constantly touching and looking at each other.
We sat on a park bench in the shade as it was once again 30C plus and humid. Also it seemed like a competition to see who got the most stares. My Zhen because she is so beautiful many people would stare at her and not me, yet many also stared at me especially the older ones. There are not many foreigners in Handan so I guess I do stick out a tad. Its really funny to watch the younger girls/ladies looking at us especially once they realize I am a foreigner, and we received many shy smiles and heard much laughter. After a while we went to a cafe called C. straits Cafe and had a decent cup of coffee although it was quite expensive just for one cup, about 160 yuan. This is the kind of thing that my Zhen does for me. If I express a wish or answer a question with a positive its off to fulfill the wish and who cares about the cost. As far as Zhen is concerned if its something I want or need then its done. Who could possibly ask for anything more in a wife. All in all a wonderful last afternoon together.
Later we had another family meal with just the 3 of us, and this time it was a hotpot. My first in China. Once again we were the centre of attention in the restaurant and the manager gave us a free plate of meat for our hotpot. Very nice of her indeed. We even had an air conditioner running for us since I hate the humidity and heat especially when trying to eat. The heat from the hotpot was conflicting with the air conditioner so it was hot cold hot cold for the entire meal, but I really enjoyed it.
All in all a wonderful dinner. Then back to the hotel for Zhen and I and RuiChen went home to do homework and study. He really works hard at his schooling and is a polite quiet young man. So back in the hotel Zhen and I went over once more how to turn on the computer, load skype and which buttons to click on to do a webcam. We both wanted to be sure that Zhen remembered how to do it all once I was back in Canada. Still she has RuiChen to help her if she gets confused. So off to bed early as Zhen is going to come and pick me up at 4am for the trip to Beijing and the airport.
Last Day:
So my Zhen came to get me at 4am as promised, she must not have slept much as she didnt leave the hotel until after 10pm the night before. Since she took the computer home with her I could not do any last updates from China before I left.
So off to the train to Beijing. This time its a sleeper train but it was delayed 30 mins so we didnt leave until 6am. The sleeper is much like the ones here I guess with 4 bunks to a cubicle. The only issue I had with it was the idea of hot bunking with the previous occupant. They didnt seem to refresh the beds after each person left. Oh well when in China....
So we did the long boring ride to Beijing and Zhen kept telling me to sleep but I could not. I just wanted to look at her for the whole trip to Beijing. All in all an ok train ride and the only bad thing about it was its purpose.
Anyway we made it t Beijing and getting a taxi was an experience. First everyone Zhen asked about where to go sent us in different directions so we spent a while dragging my luggage all over the train station before finally reaching the taxi area. Here it was organized confusion instead of the usual free for all. The guys in charge at the taxi station made everyone line up and the cabs came fast and furious. If you took too long getting into your cab you earned the wrath of the attendant who yelled and screamed at you to get in and get out of the way of the other cabs. It was well organized and quite funny to watch. Also at the train station was one of the few times I saw police armed with submachine guns or sawed of shotguns I wasnt sure which and wasnt gonna go ask hehe.
So we made it to the airport well ahead of departure time so I checked in an got rid of my luggage and we went to a nice chinese restaurant in the airport for our last meal together. Zhen as always ordered and the waitress brought me a knife and fork. This was the first time I actaully felt insulted to get a knife and fork at a meal. Usually we have to ask for cutlery but this time the waitress automatically assumed I would need it. Probably because most foreigners ask for it and she was just being polite and helpful. However I proceeded to eat the entire meal without using the western cutlery just to prove that I could, and maybe she shouldnt assume hehe. Usually I only use the knife and fork for cutting bigger pieces into manageable size for my chopstick skill. Anyway a decent last meal and we are still both in good spirits although as time ticks down its getting harder to keep a smile on my face.
We wandered around the airport for over an hour just being together and dreading our parting. Finally its off to the gate area with much hugging and kissing and tears. Its really hard to speak when your throat is closed with emotion so not many words. Finally I forced myself to go through the gate and my Zhen watched me go all the way to the escalator and down to the shuttle train. That was without a doubt the hardest parting I have ever done in my life and both of us had tears streaming down our faces. Also we didnt care how many people stared at us as we kissed and kissed just before the security post. It was virtually the first time we had kissed so openly in public the entire trip, as public kissing especially among older people is just not done in China.
So there it was our parting complete and I am off for the long boring return to Canada. For once no issues with customs or flights etc, even my luggage decided to be nice and follow me back to Edmonton. I finally arrived back at my apartment close to midnight on the 19th sept. Never again can I call Edmonton home. For me home will always be wherever my Zhen is.
Summary: Well guys I have to say that considering many of the other trips that we have read about on these forums I have been extraordinarily blessed with such a successful trip. Absolutely everything went well. It was really an extension of our letters right down to the last detail. The only bad thing for me was returning to Canada without Zhen. From the very first hug at the airport on arrival to the very last hug and kiss on departure it was as if we were destined to be together.
I have been accepted by my love Zhen, her son, her family, and friends and even the monks at the temple blessed us. What more could I have possibly asked for. My lady and I have committed to each other for the long haul, we have the support of her family and mine and all her ( our) friends. Ours has been the true fairytale romance and in the new year we plan to write the next chapter and get married on or about Valentines day 2010 which I understand is also supposed to be Chinese new year.
So for you romantic guys out there who wonder if its real or just a dream I say to you go and find out and live the dream. It has been a resounding success for Zhen and I and we are so happy together. For those who tend to use your heads instead of your hearts I would say let your heart loose and enjoy the romantic as well as the practical. So many of the profiles on Chnlove say the lady is romantic, so run with it. You may just be surprised at how much it helps you.
My advice to all:
For all those guys writing to their ladies and preparing for your first trip I have these suggestions.
- Read every trip diary on these forums, the successes and the ones less so. Every trip I read taught me more about what to expect and what to be prepared for. Everything from how to eat, how to let your lady control your funds and your itinerary, how to deal with friends and family. The taxis, the stares, the public affection and its restrictions etc etc, its all covered in these trip diaries. Read them and learn from what the other brothers have shared of the successes and failures. Go in with as much information and knowledge as you can.
-Maxx's 24 hour rule.Learn it and live it. I was extremely fortunate in that I did not have anything come up that required its use yet it was always in the back of my mind. Unless your lady speaks very good english you will probably use an electronic translator. These devices are great but also at the same time extremely limited when it comes to complex topics. They also seem to get the point across better going from english to chinese than they do from chinese to english. Often my Zhen would quickly grasp what I was trying to say to her yet we had no end of grief with me trying to understand what she was saying in return. She had to rephrase a thought many times to get the point across.
Patience. This is probably the number one thing you can take on your trip with you to see your lady. If you are not infinitely patient in your dealings with your lady, the translator if you have one and the electronice devices also you will come to grief. Many of these wonderful ladies have very limited english ability and are very self concious about it. If you lose your cool or show her any impatience or frustration it will just make everything more difficult for both of you. My Zhen and I were lucky in that we seemed to develop our own communication methods using looks and body language and intuition more than words so often we would go a whole day with barely resorting to the electronic translator. Whether you will develop this skill as quickly as we did who knows. Zhen and I also spent every evening teaching each other words and using the electronic translator for discussions. Neither one of us lost our composure and we had great fun walking around in Beijing pointing out things and exchanging the english and chinese words. While most of it didnt stick in our heads the important thing is that we were communicating and learning about each other and spending time together. Building your communicatoin skills is probably the single most important thing you can do together.
People Interactions: Obviously you must treat your lady with great respect. Remember that you are under the microscope and every word and action will be analyzed and studied not only by your lady but everyone around you. You are in her back yard. Show her all possible respect and honour and she will bend over backwards to ensure you are taken care of. Make sure you never embarass her in public. For you it may be no big deal, you leave in a couple weeks and so no worries but your lady and your actions will be remembered and she is the one who will have to live with everyones impressions of you and her. If you have any issues with the way things are going discuss it with her in private. Never lose your cool or get angry or upset in public, your relationship may never recover from it.
Family and friends: Remember that to a chinese lady family is more important than anything else. If you want to marry this lady you must receive the blessing of the family. We have all read of relationships that have ended because the parents did not accept the man as a good match for their daughter. Once again be polite and respectful both to your lady and her family. Interact with them all including the children. Spending time with the children of Zhens friends earned me much good will and they do appreciate you taking time to spend with the kids as well. If you think things are not going well do not let it show on your face. Never get upset or angry or frustrated. Remember your goal is to earn their trust and acceptance, so do whatever you have to to accomplish the goal but never lie or be deceitful. Treat everyone with respect especially your lady. The family will watch closely how you two interact. If they see genuine love and affection between you your are more likely to succeed. If they see stress and tension they will most likely not give you their aproval. When I met Zhen's sister and artist husband, Zhen and sis went to finish preparing the meal and Husband and I were left to our own devices. I am naturally shy around new people and he was also, but we made an effort to communicate and used the electronic translator to speak. Their were times I thought it was not going well but kept a smile on my face and the conversation light. During the meal he and I shared two bottles of beer and things seemed to just work themsleves out. So much so that they presented me with two original pieces of art that eh had done!! Talk about a nice gesture!! I was quite surprised that the would be so generous to me and of course I thanked them profusely.
When we had dinner with Zhen's brother and family they barely spoke through the whole meal but after it was over my zhen told me things went very well and they saw how well we interacted together and how much in love we obviously were. So it just shows that even when you think things may not be going well, be yourself and only show positive emotion on your face.
You and your lady: This stuff should be obvious but from discussions with some of Zhens friends apparently its not. While chatting with her friends on several occasions it was brought up how well Zhen and I related to each other and the obvious respect I had for her. Her friends told me of men who had written to some of the ladies and were discourteous and often downright rude with their suggestions etc. I was told a story by one of Zhens best friends about a man from the USA who wrote to a lady for over a year. This man worked for teh US or State Govt, had his own place and I think 300 acres of land. The lady was in love with him and he said he was with her. Well after over a year of romance and letters etc he just stopped talking with her. He never went to visit, and eventualy he told her just didnt have time for her anymore. The lady was obviously devasted!!
The point here is to treat your lady with the respect she deserves. If you have no intention of going to visit them why are you writing letters to her. These ladies join Chnlove for one reason only, to find a husband. In all cases they pay to join and in some cases the fees are large. Thats it short and brutal, they want a man to love and be loved by for the rest of their life. If this is not what you are looking for then I say to you get the hell off of chnlove and go play games elswhere.
I usually dont get upset at stuff but the more stories I heard about men who were just messing around the more upset I get. These ladies for the most part are deadly serious about their quest for love so if you are not then seek life elsewhere.
General thought: As has been mentioned elsewhere travelling in China is quite teh experience. From the basic stuff like a taxi ride to the bullet train and bus trips its all so different than here in the west. Taxis are a hoot but they are also small. Squeezing into the back seat of a Jetta is not what I call fun. ALso they very rarely turn on the air conditioning so even when its over 30c and humid and you are sitting in the sun baking tehy dont turn on the ac. That is probably one of my biggest issues with travelling in China no ac.
The buses are also an intersting trip. Many times teh bus would pull ove rso they could try to encourage people on the street to ride on teh bus and pay of course. They cared not if the seats were full they would just pack teh people in and give them little mats to sit on the floor. Quite teh experience I must say. They also often play tv shows on teh buses and these keep everyone entrtained while travelling.
Watching people and vehicles and bycylces both pedal and motorized interact on the streets is also not for the faint of heart. The way they all weave in and out with much horn honking etc is a sight to see yet in all my time in cabs and buses I neve saw a single accident. Here in Edmonton if people drove like in China it would be gridlocked accidents. They just have a knack for judging to the last mm how much room they have between vehicles and that person standing in the middle of the road. All in all very entertaining.
SO anyway this is really getting long so I will stop here. These have been a few of my insights and thoughts of my trip and hopefully their is something in these long posts that will help someone on their trip to see their lady.
This is by far the hardest way to seek true love but I have to say the rewards are truly worth it. At least in my case my Zhen is not only the most beautiful woman in the world, and her inner beauty far outshines her considerable outer beauty, she is also the most romantic affectionate loving caring wife a man could ever ask for. Never in my life have I been so loved and cared for as these last two weeks in China. These two weeks were a perfect extension of our letters which are also full of love and affection and caring.
We two were destined to be together there is no doubt in my mind or hers about this.
I truly wish to all the other brothers out there that you find the same happiness and love that my Zhen and I share. There is nothing in the world more sweet and perfect than the true love shared by two people and Zhen and I are truly blessed to be able to say that we have found or happiness at last.
Zhen and I would like to thank all the brothers who offered us and me the friendship and advice and support that helped make us a reality. Without your help and advice things could easliy have have turned out different so please accept our hearfelt thanks for everything you have done for us.
Also we would like to offer our support and hopes that everyone else who seeks love and happiness this way find the same success and love and joy that we have.
Regards to all
Zhen and Brian
PS More pics on subsequent posts.
