All About China > Your trip to China
Danny's second trip to Zhuhai
Danny:
Just a note of thanks to all the kind words and help I have received from my friends on this website.
I have been very quiet here over the past month or so. I apologise for this.
I have tried to avoid letting my hopes and wishes get out of hand, and avoiding this forum helped me from getting to obsessed with the possibility of this relationship working out, or not working out.
I have had three good days, doing things together. I have really had a lovely time, travelling around Zhuhai with her.
Last night she said that she wasn't able to see me today. That was a disappointment but as we say here, different country, different culture. It might well mean nothing at all, but it might mean things are not going very well. If that's what it means, then so be it.
However if I have learned anything from here, quiet patience is often the best course of action.
I did not leave with much hope for this relationship. I still don't, regardless of what is written in her letters.
This morning I wrote her a letter through chnlove. I wanted there to be no misunderstanding about what I hoped for from the relationship. I wanted it to be translated, so I wouldn't be fumbling around for words. Three terms of Mandarin is still not enough to have a serious conversation.
I told her in this letter that I wished to marry her, but that I understood that she may not yet made up her mind that that is what she wishes. I told her that while I was happy to wait patiently until she did make up her mind, for several years if needs be, I asked her her to let me know if she no longer believes that this is a realistic possibility.
I don't think this is an unreasonable thing to say. We have been writing and talking to each other on the phone for a year, and this is my second visit. We have talked about marriage and how it might work and so I don't think it is presumptious for me to talk this way.
Some people may disagree with what I have done, but I don't care. I have invested a year of my life in this relationship. She is a terribly important person to me and whether or not she wishes to marry me, she always has my respect and admiration.
Whether it's a success or not, I have done what I thought was the right thing to do. When I have made mistakes in the relationship I have been quick to apologise and have really tried to learn from my mistakes.
She is the kind of person that makes me want to be a better person. She is a good and calm person, and that is someone worth waiting for.
To be honest, sometimes I wish it would just be over. It has been a hard year with her. Many ups and downs.
However I have learned a whole lot in that year, about myself and about relationships.
I know even if this relationship doesn't work out, I have learned things about what it takes to make a relationship work in the future.
I know that true happiness is not found from outside yourself - even a beautiful Chinese wife. Circumstances and situations change, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. For all of us, it is the way we comes to terms with these facts that will determine whether or not we are peaceful and calm and happy.
There are parts of my life which I really need to make a big improvement in. I have come a long way from what I was, but I still have a long way to go to be the man I wish to be.
I sometimes tell my woman, that even if things don't work out between us, that when I am an old man, I will remember how lovely she looked, and how incredibly lucky I was to have sat across from her, and looked at her smiling face.
I have enjoyed taking my daughter with me. My woman has been very considerate towards my daughter and they have done the sort of things she misses since my wife passed away, for example, having her hair done, and her feet massaged.
Scottish_Rob:
--- Quote from: 'Danny' pid='17261' dateline='1253444802' ---
Just a note of thanks to all the kind words and help I have received from my friends on this website.
I have been very quiet here over the past month or so. I apologise for this.
I have tried to avoid letting my hopes and wishes get out of hand, and avoiding this forum helped me from getting to obsessed with the possibility of this relationship working out, or not working out.
I have had three good days, doing things together. I have really had a lovely time, travelling around Zhuhai with her.
Last night she said that she wasn't able to see me today. That was a disappointment but as we say here, different country, different culture. It might well mean nothing at all, but it might mean things are not going very well. If that's what it means, then so be it.
However if I have learned anything from here, quiet patience is often the best course of action.
I did not leave with much hope for this relationship. I still don't, regardless of what is written in her letters.
This morning I wrote her a letter through chnlove. I wanted there to be no misunderstanding about what I hoped for from the relationship. I wanted it to be translated, so I wouldn't be fumbling around for words. Three terms of Mandarin is still not enough to have a serious conversation.
I told her in this letter that I wished to marry her, but that I understood that she may not yet made up her mind that that is what she wishes. I told her that while I was happy to wait patiently until she did make up her mind, for several years if needs be, I asked her her to let me know if she no longer believes that this is a realistic possibility.
I don't think this is an unreasonable thing to say. We have been writing and talking to each other on the phone for a year, and this is my second visit. We have talked about marriage and how it might work and so I don't think it is presumptious for me to talk this way.
Some people may disagree with what I have done, but I don't care. I have invested a year of my life in this relationship. She is a terribly important person to me and whether or not she wishes to marry me, she always has my respect and admiration.
Whether it's a success or not, I have done what I thought was the right thing to do. When I have made mistakes in the relationship I have been quick to apologise and have really tried to learn from my mistakes.
She is the kind of person that makes me want to be a better person. She is a good and calm person, and that is someone worth waiting for.
To be honest, sometimes I wish it would just be over. It has been a hard year with her. Many ups and downs.
However I have learned a whole lot in that year, about myself and about relationships.
I know even if this relationship doesn't work out, I have learned things about what it takes to make a relationship work in the future.
I know that true happiness is not found from outside yourself - even a beautiful Chinese wife. Circumstances and situations change, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. For all of us, it is the way we comes to terms with these facts that will determine whether or not we are peaceful and calm and happy.
There are parts of my life which I really need to make a big improvement in. I have come a long way from what I was, but I still have a long way to go to be the man I wish to be.
I sometimes tell my woman, that even if things don't work out between us, that when I am an old man, I will remember how lovely she looked, and how incredibly lucky I was to have sat across from her, and looked at her smiling face.
I have enjoyed taking my daughter with me. My woman has been very considerate towards my daughter and they have done the sort of things she misses since my wife passed away, for example, having her hair done, and her feet massaged.
--- End quote ---
Danny
Sometimes it is better to take a step back, to look and or move forward...
All it could mean is that 'she' had to do something, as you say, different country, different culture, Remember 'you' two are NOT married so she MAY not want to tell you everything... But it is good that you have this in the back of your mind.
Personally I think if you had got on one knee with a ring, there would be no understanding, but it is right that you say, 'as' long as you 'think' you have done the right thing then so be it mate.
Through the year that you have been in contact, I think she has 'earned' your respect. You will have learned many things not only about China, but also about Chinese ladies if it doesn't work out...However I am sure that this one will.
All the best mate and keep us updated...:icon_cheesygrin:
David5o:
Danny,
As you say it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about your letter, or about the way you feel about your relationship. Your the one that has to live your life, so live it the way you feel comfortable.
You may be picking up the wrong messages from your lady there, and this maybe because of your daughter being present. Your lady may be holding back her true feelings. I don't know how much time you are spending with your lady as a couple, and not as a threesome, it does make a difference Danny... So if there is any possibility of increasing your time together with her, i think that would be a good idea.
I say that, because you seem to be thinking that it's not going as well as you hoped, and i think that not being able to be more intimate (no, i don't mean anything sexual, but i wouldn't exclude it either ...haha!!) with her, could be the reason.
Your a nice and a decent guy Danny, So i hope everything turns out the way you want it too. You may have to put a little more effort into your relationship, maybe along the lines of Mikes way of thinking, you never know, it might even help you to become that man, you say you want to be too!!
On a lighter note, ....i hope your not relying on those natural yogurts to keep those nasty bugs away??...hahha!!
I'm sure that along with myself, everyone here is rooting for you, and want another success story flying back to Aussie with you... Enjoy yourself, and all the very best Danny...
David....
David E:
Danny
You have done a lot of the "hard yards" over the past year. You are being totally honest with her, and yourself.
I cant think of a better preparation...win , lose, or draw...you should be congratulated
But I am keeping everything crossed for you.....good luck
DavidE
MLM:
Danny, all I can say is Good luck and best wishes :icon_cheesygrin:
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