JUST FOR A LAUGH

[john1964]

A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on".

She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7, you're on 6". He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got lost again.

He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on". She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14, you are on 13". Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.

When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.

"I'm in sales". He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?" She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised. She said "I sell tampons".

He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh". He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you".

[Pineau]

 http://youtu.be/xNPLr_g8hew

[shaun]

And now you see why American's are not liked from abroad.  Shake your bootay!!!!!!

And you wonder why America is the butt of so many jokes.

Lincoln saying to the other Presidents, " I hope these Canadian's aren't gay!"

Roosevelt then says, "Quick, find my specs."
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Ha! Made you look!

[Scottish_Robbie]

2 swarfs break into a butcher shop, they leave empty handed reason...the steaks were too high

[Pineau]

Hey, that's my dog.  His name is dinner.

[Clayton]

Remember this one?

Who's on first?

It doesn't matter how many times i watch this I still get a laugh

[Pineau]

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2486641402406&set=o.127583850648091&type=1&ref=nf

[shaun]

A man and his wife were at an NFL football game and they both during halftime decided to make a pit stop in the restroom.  As luck would have it she finished first and was standing outside the men's room when to her surprise her husband's new boss and wife walked by.  Of course she said hi and they talked while she waited for her husband Bob.    Bob came out of the bathroom and said hi and his new boss introduced his wife to his new employee Bob.  The bosses wife chuckled and said your bathroom must be out of paper towels, your hand is still wet.  He replied, "Oh, that isn't it, I didn't wash them." 

[Scottish_Robbie]

My wifes sister sat on my glasses earlier and broke them, I was really pissed off Then I thought 'to be fair, it was my own fault for leaving them on'.

[Vince G]

Funny           

[David E]

With tension increasing in many parts of the World, various Governments have recently re-asseded their internal threat levels...and they make interesting reading....

world security levels


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is canceled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

[john1964]

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said "So y'all want to be cops, huh?" The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture and said "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth".

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now" He said "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?" The blonde immediately said "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!" The detective shook his head and said "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?" "Yes! He only has one ear!" The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!" The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or Unusual about this man?" The blonde said "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses".

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?" The blonde rolled her eyes and said "Well hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear he certainly can't wear glasses!"

[shaun]

David, You forgot the Americans... or did you really?   America only needs two catagories.  Invade and having second thoughts. 

[David E]

Sorry Shaun...I pinched this funny from a Brit website....somehow they forgot the Yanks....but your additions are spot on 

David

[shaun]

Well you've got to do SOMETHING with the Engineering Corps!