Snow joke

[Willy The Londoner]

Hi Willy,

Considering that you are now engaged (congratulations, by the way), it makes sense for us to have a double wedding in April. We could launch a double-pronged attack on the corruption in Hengyang. If you get them talking, I will pretend to do my shoelaces up behind them and you could just give them a push. Maybe we can think of some more underworld measures to deal with them. I am, after all, only a stone's throw from the Blind Beggar!
 

Well Phillip, Although I am here ready and waiting to marry it is highly possible that we could have a double wedding in April or maybe APRIL will be too early fo me at the rate we are going this week.

Willy

[David5o]

rockycoon,

You maybe surprised to know, ...that's exactly what most men would say to his wife, but the pub name may be abbreviated from say 'The Rose and Crown'' to just ''The Crown'' In the UK, Guy's will normally have a ''Local'' pub, that will be the only local they will ever think of going too, it'll be the pub where all his mates go!! ...haha!!

David.....

[Philip]

What a difference a day makes. 24 little hours.
Yesterday morning, I was happy.
I saw my lady's daughter for the first time on webcam. They were both smiling. We had a very nice chat.
Then last night, my lady told me she thought her children need to complete their education in China. Her daughter is 7, her son is 12. How is that going to work, I wonder? I still have no answers about how she plans to achieve this. Our original plan has been to get married in April, and for her to come to England with them some time next year. I have not strayed from this plan at all since we met. And she has told me this is what she wants as well. So, it has come as something of a bombshell. I have told her that I have the means to support her and her children when they come to England. We have discussed how the children will need to adjust to English schools. Shell-shocked, I could only re-iterate our original plans and ask her questions about how she suggested this new plan could work. She has not given me an answer.
At the moment, she is sleepless and depressed, asking me if I think she is a bad person.
I hope there haven't been any misunderstandings caused by translation. I don't think I have said anything to offend her. Our money issues, which I thought were sorted out, may not be. It is hard to know just what has gone wrong.
Any advice would be gratefully received.

[Neil]

I've read it's pretty common (or at least not unheard of) to have the grandparents raise the children so they can go to a specific school.  Maybe that's her plan?  I hope it works out for you Philip.

[rockycoon]

I agree, things said in letters is one thing, face to face talking is another.  Best wait until you meet her.  Then discuss the really, really important stuff.

[brett]

Yes grandparents raising the kids is very common apparently. If the parents go overseas the grandparents tend to look after the kids in China.

I passed a school in my lady's town, at lunchtime it was mostly grandparents who were outside waiting for the kids.

If my lady and I have kids and they turn out anything like my niece (a real princess!) then we're sending them to China to live :icon_cheesygrin:.

[ttwjr32]

so i take it your neice is quite the character Brett

[Philip]

There are some times when I wish I could have the option of a good old EMF, but unfortunately that is not possible. The combination of distance, translation misunderstandings and my lady's habitual worry monsters can create quite a volatile mix.
She was quite depressed earlier on in the week, asking me if I thought she was a bad person. She thought I was angry with her, when I'm sure I said nothing to give her cause to think that. She thought I hated her. Ditto. I rode the storm, kept calm and reassuring and just asked her what she meant about the children completing their education in China. Turns out her ex-husband is strongly against them leaving China. She has been reluctant to tell me about her ex, wanting to sort everything out herself and not involve me in her problems in this regard. Unfortunately the ex is probably responsible for a lot of her insecurities, and if she doesn't share her problems, I can't help her with them and she's on her own dealing with them. Makes me wonder what her ex was like to make her like this.
After the cloud had lifted, I suggested we take things a step at a time. 1. Get married, 2. Apply for her visa 3. Sort out the kids' future. She replied with a simple, 'Yes'.
Things are fine and sunny again. She is a wonderful, kind and gentle person. I don't kid myself that there won't be more bumps in the road, but I knew this Anglo-Chinese adventure would not be easy. I am glad that I remain positive, confident and supportive. When she peeps out from behind her cloud, I am there for her.

[shaun]

Phillip,

Peggy refuses to talk about her ex and I know he has caused some of her insecurities.  She tells me she only wants to focus on the future.  I told her that to have a better future sometimes we need to resolve issues of past relationships.  She gave me that deer in headlights look and then she said, "No talk."

I hope in time as she learns to trust me she will open up.  It seems nestled below the surface that there always is the trust and belief issue.

Keep on hanging in there.

Shaun

[rockycoon]

Don't forget to tell your wife's or girlfriends that you married to them or getting married to them...NOT the ex-husband.  He blew it, now its time for a new life.

Besides make a list of these guys, and let the "brotherhood" take care of them....:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

[ttwjr32]

Philip--- the ex will have to sign off for the kids to leave china so maybe
            for now it is best they continue their schooling here and as time
            goes on then get them to go to your place to reside. seems like she
            wants to handle it and if you get involved it might just make him not
            co operate at all

[rockycoon]

I agree, let her take care of it, you know how tricky divorces can be if there are children involved and how the ex can be a pain when he finds out someone else is taking care of his kids....well, not only his kids but his ex wife also.
In America they can be aggresive....

[ttwjr32]

in China i dont think the ex cares about the ex wife
but the kids are a different story a lot of the time.if the man would have married my ex sooner and stopped my
payments earlier i would have gotten him something really nice:icon_cheesygrin:
for doing so but it took them 5 years to marry :@

[David5o]

Ted,


Maybe his time will come too!! You know what these women are like these days!! ...hahaha!!

David....

[Philip]

Blimey! Just been chatting on QQ with my lady for 3 hours. We covered a hell of a lot of ground in that time. Hopes, fears, worries, the future, our marriage, language, computers, Zhangjiajie, children, other people's opinions, family, life in England, cartoons.
Not to say we haven't discussed this before, but not in such concentrated doses. It was honest, serious, and heavy stuff from both sides, but we both felt much better having cleared the air and felt closer to each other in terms of understanding and affection.
You can keep your scantily-clad Changsha hotties. Nothing beats my beautiful, honest, Changsha fiancee. Her honesty is sexier than any flowered-up EMF.
She still worries about most everything. We met a couple at the Changsha marriage registry in December, a hot-headed Jordanian man and his Chinese wife. Apparently, this woman told my lady that she didn't think our marriage would last. Well, I reminded my fiancee that she didn't know us, and that ours was the most important opinion, and that I don't care what strangers think. She agreed with me. I also told her that my parents are from different countries, speaking different languages when they met (French and English), and that this year they will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, and that I believe that our marriage will be like theirs.
I feel like we've turned a corner