All About China > Marrying A Lady In China

Engagement in China - and later marriage

(1/5) > >>

Hans:
Hey guys!

My lady and I have decided to get engaged in June in China. In Sweden an engagement is a private matter for the couple while in China it seems to be more of a family gathering event. I’m fine with that. My lady has basically told me that we’ll just have a dinner together and exchange rings. However, I wonder if there is more to it than that and that she’s to shy to tell me about it. Has anyone here been engaged in China and can fill me in on this one? What’s a traditional engagement dinner like?

If everything goes well we’ll marry late next year. We’ve talked about how to do it, with one ceremony in China and (possibly a smaller one) in Sweden. I’ve watched wedding videos from China, including one of the board member’s, so I know that there is a big difference between Chinese weddings and weddings in the West as far as the ceremony goes. Then there’s the dowry (is that the English word for it…?), (嫁妆?), the money I am expected to give her parents when marrying their daughter. Is there a minimum sum expected from me? How much will they expect to receive? I’ll be saving money for the wedding as soon as I get back from China in July and it would really, really help to know what kind of money is expected from me next year!  :-\

All the best!

Hans

ppmike:

Here is the site
http://chinese.weddings.com/articles/chinese-pre-wedding-traditions.aspx

shaun:
Hans,

Peggy and I had and engagement party in Shaoguan in April.  We selected a ring and she wore it to show everyone. 

There will be the issue of the engagement money you will need to give to her family.  I am sure with each woman and situation that it is different.  My engagement almost ended because I didn't completely understand Peggy and her situation.  Since she had been married before I have 1000RMB.  To say she was p*&&#d is an understatement.  Fortunately the whole family was on my side and she accepted it I thought.  Two weeks ago it came up again and she wanted me to give her mother a lot of money.  We argued, got her sister involved and finally settled.  All is well.

I tell you this because you will need to ascertain what her expectations are.  If the two of you have different things in mind then you will need to discuss it and I will tell you from experience you will need to move closer to her idea than she will need to move to yours.  But get ready because this may be a very important issue.  Don't overlook it.

Shaun

David5o:
Hans,

You shouldn't have to worry about money right now, as any Red Envelope money can be deferred to nearer the wedding date. They will fully understand that right now you are a student and not earning a great deal.

Unfortunately for you, your lady is single (never been married) and young. So you will need to negotiate with your lady, as to what you should be giving to her parents as a dowry.

Personally i don't agree with these red envelope situations, they serve no purpose, and can ruin relationships. It's all to do with ''face'' and what they consider is there family ''worth''!!!   There is a fair to better chance of you receiving any money given by you, back to you in the form of another red envelope(s) from her family to you and your then wife,  that could well exceed what you have given....but then again, maybe not!!! lol!!!


David.....

David5o:
ppmike,

That Article you posted, ...is soooooo far out of date with modern China, and even then, bore no resemblance with a foreigner marrying a Chinese lady....

What Han's is looking for is a ''ball park '' figure that he can work on.... Hopefully someone here that has married a Young Chinese lady can help him on that score ....

David.....

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page