All About China > Marrying A Lady In China
Engagement in China - and later marriage
Martin:
Ask her. My wife had never been married before. She was 30 when we got married. I asked about the red envelope, and she told me that it was not required. Her family is not "traditional" when it comes to that. So for myself, no money was paid to the family. I would not have known this if I did not ask...and trust me, i asked several times, because it seemed to be a recurring theme on this forum, so i wanted to make sure I got it right.
http://thechinesedumpling.blogspot.com/2009/04/wedding-celebration.html This is the blog entry of my wedding day...sorry, no video.
Nik and Fei's Wedding Here is Nik's wedding video...almost required watching on this forum.
Hans:
Thanks for the replies, guys!
Yes, the article didn't feel like it had much to do with my lady and I...
I'm not very comfortable with these red envelopes either, to be honest it feels rather awkward and weird. But I know it's their custom. My lady is the oldest child but only one of three. They have a younger daughter and a younger son as well and my impression is that they are reasonably wealthy by Chinese standards (meaning they have three kids and a nice apartment behind a gate in their home town while living and working in another town). I don't know if this gives any hint of anything, but I can say they're NOT poor farmers.
I saw Nik's video before, indeed great to watch!
From the very beginning my lady has never asked me about how much money I earn and have, we've simply never discussed money at all (she has mentioned, however, that I am expected to pay money to her parents when I marry her and this was no news to me). At first I thought she just did not want to talk about money in case I would question her sincerity but not long ago when I, out of pure curiosity, asked her if it was expensive to register at the agency she just said 有点贵！(pretty expensive) but that it was worth it and did not want to say anything more. So it seems she is not very comfortable talking about money.
I guess I will just have to go ahead and ask her about the dowry in the end if I can't figure it out in any other way, but asking her about it is almost like asking your girlfriend how much her birthday gift should cost... Rather embarrassing. I guess I'm just looking for a figure here to determine if I'm completely out of it or if I'll be fine!
Martin, are you talking about the engagement or the wedding now?
Martin:
I didn't pay any money to the family for engagement or for marrying their daughter.
David E:
I asked Ming about this "Dowry" issue and she said that it is not necessary because this is her second marriage. She said it would be nice if we bought a gift for her parents as a gesture.
We couldnt decide what sort of a gift...so we decided that a red envelope with 2000 RMB ($300 !!!) would be the easiest way out for us.....but it was not expected or compulsory.
Irishman:
I don't have to pay any dowry but I am expected to send some money every month to her parents when they retire. If I lived in China they would live with us but here that isn't possible.
I guess there are no hard and fast rules in this.
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