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The Red Envelope

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JimB:
The Red Envelope is the envelope given to the brides family from the groom. I was told by an elderly Chinese woman who lives here and has been teaching me some things about Chinese culture, that everything in china is about money.  Even the language change to simplified Mandarin, while political was based partly in saving money. Terminology in the language itself has basis in money.  I cannot think of anything in particular about that but that is what she has said.  We as westerners love money but it is not the be all and end all for most of us.  I have quit talking to and seeing two friends because they both asked straight out for things.  One was a laptop and one was an MP4 player. These were not girlfriends just friends.   We are all worried about being taken advantage of.  But to them it is not such a big deal.  They ask and if you say no it is ok.  That is why the "Red Envelope" is such a big deal. In that, Money is not money it is face.  The more money in it the more face the family has and the bride has.  The higher the standing of the family the more money is supposed to be in it.   Therefore in a family that has a decent standing for a second marriage should be about 30,000 to 40,000 RMB.  She has told me that even if the bride says it is ok for a smaller amount it is something that may stick with her for her entire life.  So think carefully about it.  I am just passing this info on so maybe we can consider that when making decisions and not fly off the handle when talked about.
Also as has been said here many times the numbers 8 and 9 have great meaning. So instead of 30,000 it should be 29,999 or 28,888, 8 is love and 9 is longevity
Now the younger generation is not so hung up on it. Younger is under 30.  But, she may have some pressure from her family and it could have an effect on your standing both with her and the family.  Like I said I am just passing this info on, take it for what it is worth.

Irishman:
When Ling brought me to meet her parents they gave us both a red envelope (Ling calls them simply "lucky envelopes" ) which she promptly used to buy food on the way back to Guangzhou, they put 50RMB in hers, mine i didn't open because it is kinda sentimental (but presumably has 50RMB in there too). Ling just wanted the money!
So yes the whole thing about money is the way its done. When we went to her friends wedding we each gave lucky envelopes to the bride (we were guests of the bride), there as no other type of gifts. Far more practical than western wedding gifts i suppose.

Martin:
When I was in China, whenever we went to a relative for a meal, Zhifang and I always gave a red envelope with money (don't know how much, as she filled it, and I would give it).  In every instance, another envelope was returned to us with presumably more money.

Also, at our wedding, as each guest arrived, they gave us a red envelope.

When we were at one relative, the Aunt gave me an envelope, and Zhifang started telling me not to take it.  Not sure why.  In the end, it was given to us, but I thought I would let you know that you don't always accept what is given....just don't ask me when those times are.

maxx:
Martin you should not take the money.If the relative is poor.Every time we go visiting a reletives house we bring food.Ussually some kind of fruit.

The only time we use the red envelope is at a wedding or when a new baby is born.And younger Relitives for Chinese New Year.

Everytime we go to China somebody is trying to give us money family friends.But it is not ussually in a red envelope.So I'm thinking that it is a custom only in some Areas.Kind of like the differences in the wedding ceramoney

Martin:
Yeah...that is frustrating...trying to figure out wedding customs when they change from town to town.

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