4 cats but no girl - what´s a guy to do

[Pineau]

flopitdown,

Don't become discouraged by the CLL and QQ results.. Stay with it and eventually you will find someone the catches your eye and stimulates your senses. I spent a full 5 months browsing the dating sights and taking notes before I headed off to China to meet them. Attitudes of the ladies seem to vary according to age and location. Big city girls are into material things (no matter what their profile says), and the country girls are more about holding hands and walking into the sunset forever and ever.

How old are you?
What is you career status? Close to retirement or chained to a desk?
Are you able to travel to China for a couple of weeks or more?
Can you afford an extended stay in China?

Travel to China is the best way to learn what your looking for. The cultures and attitudes vary all over China. And they vary from the big cities to  the country side.  I was lucky to be able to take a walk about China starting in Beijing and points north and ending in Guangzhou in the south.  And of course you need to find foster parents for the cats.  I had a cat when I left for China. I left it with my ex wife. It was happy to see me again and did not forget me. He is now back home with me. (and fat as a basketball).

Denver Broncos won last night and will be facing Seattle in the SUPER BOWL.

[IrishGuy65]

I agree with Gerry about becoming discouraged.  Frankly, you can't go to your nearby mall or walk around your town and find the right woman right away, without a little luck.  You have to keep trying and working at it.

Also, not really sure if it's been mentioned yet, but it is going to be ultra important to you to learn about Chinese culture if you plan on meeting Chinese women.  Their culture is very important to them, and if you don't understand it, or at least demonstrate you are working hard at learning their culture, the GOOD ones won't really be interested.

[flopitdown]

Hi Robert:)
   How do ladies add you to qq? The only people who have added me were the 20 i gave my qq id to at cll. After 2 weeks on qq nobody added me out of the blue. is there somewhere in qq where you can make your id known like a dating section?
   I can understand about the language barrier, as I never mentioned previously that I myself am a foreigner in Austria and when I first came here 20+ years ago, I went through the same thing. The only jobs I could get were where the offices spoke English,  or with tourist, and it took me 4 years to actually be able to hold a simple conversation. Add to that our friends and my wifes family were English speaking so that made it harder to learn. The austrian friends all spoke English because they wanted to be nice and make me feel comfortable.
    I have that problem even with Austrian girls in Vienna, or foreign girls in Vienna I have dated; they want to stay in the big city because either they were born here and like it, or they moved from smaller towns to come to a bigger city with better jobs, variety, etc....I understand what I am looking for is hard. People have also suggested to me that if I move to a small town alone I will meet girls there, but many times the people in the small towns hook up with each other in high school or younger because they know there are not many people around them. A friend of mine, who moved to Vienna from one of these smaller towns, makes a joke and says "the best looking girls are snatched up by guys before they turn 16 because the guys know this is their only chance to get someone who is not ugly"   lol   
   I´d actually prefer to meet someone before moving to a smaller town bvecause I´d like to experience the move and learning new things and all with someone rather than alone. It would be more fun to talk to someone about those things while expereincing them together. At the same time, though, I have no problem going alone as well because it´s going to be fun anyhow, and I also think I´ll find someone there, maybe even easier than in the city, because if the girl is still living there after she turns 20, she wants to stay there, and probably 9 out of 10 people there have pets, or cows, whichever  lol
  If anyone is interested, I actually have been planning on moving to a smaller town since 2005. I originally planned on going when I stopped my self-employment venture, but then I got a cool/fun job and I don´t ant to quit it. I actually work 90% of the time from home, and by January 2015 it will be 100% of the time at home, so I decided to wait until I am working only from home as I don´t want to take a train 4-5 hours once a month to Vienna for the meeting/s. Anyhow, in 2005 I listed all of the smaller towns in Austria that some things I wanted within walking distance (train station, grocery store, doctors, city hall, shopping streets - the train station because I don´t mind taking a train 25 minutes to the next city for work or to go shopping for fun on the weekends). my list started at 93 towns, and over the years I narrowed them down to these two;

https://www.google.com/search?q=dorf+gastein&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=p8DdUsj-KbKh7AbN14DgBg&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1366&bih=568

and

https://www.google.com/search?q=dorf+gastein&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=p8DdUsj-KbKh7AbN14DgBg&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1366&bih=568#q=mallnitz&tbm=isch

The second one is a town inside of a long valley, 1200 meters high, only 900 people. I prefer this one but it will not be easy because although everything is together, the train station is on the other side of the valley - about 2 kilometers - and I don´t care to have a car for that.
The first town actually is more smaller and round and about 900 meters high, most people there do not have cars as the entire center of the town is all together  in the middle, city hall, train station, shops, doctors, everything is all ithin 5 minutes walking distance. This town has about 2000 people as well.
Don´t get confused with the ski lifts and all in the pictures - both of these towns are smaller tourist attractions for skiers and hikers in the summer, but the skiing and all is about 1000 meters higher than the towns themselves. So I´m not looking to live in the middle of a ski slope  lol

I know for some people 800 people or 2000 people sounds extremely isolated, but these are communities we don´t have in the city, people are more friendly, crime is less, much better to raise children, air is great, view is always beautiful, and they communicate more with each other than city folks who don´t trust each other do.  Plus their festivals are really cool. I think the quality of life is 1000x better. For me, I do not mind giving up the variety or extras we get in the city for all of the above. The trade-pff seems fair. The girls just has to agree or she will go crazy  lol

 

[flopitdown]

@pineau and irishguy

Yes, thanks. I heard about learning a bit about the chinese culture. I would hope she would help me out on that one. I would be interested in learning it and read a bit up on it now, but I don´t know what to believe 

How old are you? 44 
What is you career status? Close to retirement or chained to a desk? I am online about 10 hours per day. I work an insecure job, although I have had it for a while.
Are you able to travel to China for a couple of weeks or more? Yes, I could.
Can you afford an extended stay in China? The problem with this is my job is online, and China blocks the websites I must control for my work. For that reason I could not stay unless I had guaranteed access, othrwise I´d get fired  lol

Sounds to me like I´d have to meet a country girl from China. Can I actually go to the country and somehow meet girls there, or what´s the best way to do that?

[Willy The Londoner]

[quote author=flopitdown link=topic=3860.msg66060#msg66060 date=1390265481}

Can you afford an extended stay in China? The problem with this is my job is online, and China blocks the websites I must control for my work. For that reason I could not stay unless I had guaranteed access, othrwise I´d get fired  lol

[/quote]
No excuses accepted on that point.  I have three online businesses, one of which some might think are blocked in China.
 I have never had a problem with accessing any web sites here. Otherwise I would not have been able to stay after stepping onto Chinese soil in 09.
For less than 8 us dollars a month I can get any website in the world in the world.    No restrictions.
Of course if you are 'a US government contractor' then maybe a different matter.
Also utilising Skype my clients can call a London phone number and get through to me here. It cost them a local call.

Online working here is no problem

Willy

[flopitdown]

Thanks for that info Willy, good to know this 

[yvictor]

No excuses accepted on that point.  I have three online businesses, one of which some might think are blocked in China.
I have never had a problem with accessing any web sites here. Otherwise I would not have been able to stay after stepping onto Chinese soil in 09.
For less than 8 us dollars a month I can get any website in the world in the world.    No restrictions.

Hi Willy - what costs $8/month, is it a proxy server?

Also, I am curious - what kind of online businesses are those, are you selling and shipping Chinese goods to UK?

Victor

[Pineau]

In all the time I was there I used VPN EXPRESS. Occasional they were blocked but were back up with a different ip address in less that 24 hours.  I think it was 7.99 a month.
https://www.vpnexpress.com/order7

[Willy The Londoner]

Hi Willy - what costs $8/month, is it a proxy server?

Also, I am curious - what kind of online businesses are those, are you selling and shipping Chinese goods to UK?

Victor

It is Express VPN. I pay for it 12 months at a time so works out cheaper.    I have one website where I sell Christian music and two others that do not sell anyt items. Just a service business.
My wife and our stepdaughter have their own business selling clothes mainly to women in the UK but also chandaliers and modern lighting.

Willy

[2hip]

Hi Flopitdown,  maybe you have disappeared already.  This thread is several months old already.  But i might add a few remarks and hope that they are received in the manner they are intended.

 Everyone of us on this website have had our own troubles with women and relationships.  Most of us are older guys with a vast amount of "life experience."  Much of that experience came at high costs financially and emotionally.  We were all looking for someone who is different than our cultural women.  That is why Asian women.

Let me be the devil's advocate here for the woman.  Please try to understand the woman's point of view of what you offer.  You are in your mid 40's, single, and childless.  These are all pluses to a woman in her early 30's-mid 40's.  You have a job that is "insecure", which means that the bottom can fall out with the change in direction of the wind, that is a serious red flag for a woman.  Flopit...women, if i might politely say it...are hardwired for financial security.  Chinese women are not only hardwired...their terminals are also soldered.  You can not discount or glaze over this point.  Her "Face value" must be maintained.  If she were to marry you she understands that there is a real possibility you might not be able to put food on the table or shelter against cold winds of winter.  She doesn't speak Deutsch so it might takes years for her to pickup the lingo.  Austrians can be very snooty in their behavior to non german speaking people.  You have no home that you own or have a mortgage on with equity built up.  That is why these girls ask these questions.  It is exactly what you think it is...a financial fitness interview.  She needs to know that she is provided for and won't have to come back years latter to her hometown and "lose huge face".  It is a serious problem for the Chinese.  It is not like the western society where a man got caught with his pants down with his wife's girlfriend.  That would be a disaster.  But not as bad in Chinese culture of marrying a poor foreigner who couldn't feed his wife and she had to go home to survive.  She also understands that since you are a freelancer and work out of your apartment that you have no retirement pension coming.  I am assuming this from an American perspective.  Perhaps you have been paying into some sort of private retirement fund...if so, I salute you.  If you are not, I implore you to begin doing that immediately.  Lastly, your ideas of moving into a quaint village is appealing to your nature and understood.  But to the Chinese woman...or women in general...it is the kiss of death for them.  Chinese mentality is that small villages of a 1000 people are rural = farm life.  It might not be true that it is farm life at that altitude of 300-400 meters...but that will be her perception.  Women always want to look and feel good about their lives.  Which means clothing, cosmetics, decent places to shop at, nice place to walk in the evenings, some sort of sport activities, cultural events not associated with drinking large amounts of beer and eating greasy bits of animals shoved into an animal casing (excuse me for this latitude in my observation of Oktoberfest...i digress), and all of the things associated with large cities.  A small rural village in Austria would be about as appealing to her as same size village in the outback of Australia, or the Congo, or wheat farmer in Kansas.  Austria is a beautiful country so please do not misread my thoughts.  I am trying to explain how a woman would see it.  Women almost always would prefer the city life over the rural life.  Try to understand that most of China was a "farmer" mentality before the Communist events took place.  Now everyone who is not in a big city is trying to find a way out.  They do not want to marry a foreigner and move back to a farm life.  I know you are not a farmer. But her mentality ...her perception...is that this is a step backwards and, once again, "loss of face".

Flopit...i am not trying to be cruel to you.  You seem like a good person.  I am an animal lover too.  I have a big arse German Shephard.  Smarter than most teenagers i know.  I corresponded for months with a very lovely lady in Shenzhen.  It was getting pretty serious between us and i was ready to visit her.  She finally came out and said it to me..."if you want to marry me the dog has to go"...or the second statement..."if we marry the dog can not come in the house."  So, i politely explained to her that it would kill my dog to have either one of these options happen.  I could not do that to him..EVER.  So, we parted ways as friends.  So, i respect your thoughts about cats.  They are your family.  But many women can not be expected to compete with that many cats or tolerate the presence of cats everywhere. 

I hope you can at least understand a woman's perspective a little better.  I do not think i am too far off of the mark on this point of view.  I believe that is why you are struggling to find someone.  It is not really about your looks or personality.  It is closer to financial state and where you want to set up house.  Secondly, you are in your mid 40's.  If you were to father a child in the next day or so...it would put you into almost your late 60's to get young Johnny through the university level.  Couple that with "insecure" income and you can understand why the younger women who have a child or want a child are backing away.  Flopit, I think some of the advice about moving to China and practicing your trade there might be a better choice for you.  You can also look into teaching language through ESL courses.  It doesn't fit your mode of thought of a small village environment.  In America...and I am sure in any culture there is a similar statement..."you have to play the cards you are dealt with"...take stock of who you are and what you are...and deal with it in your best way.  I think it is good advice.  You can choose to live alone, with your four cats, and insecure income.  Or you can change your cards and get a new hand.  Another old adage that i have used in my personal life and many of the men here did also..."the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again...and expect a different outcome!"  What you are doing isn't working.  So, reflect, ponder, and examine your life and then make a conscious decision on what path to walk.  Life is a great teacher.  Everyone on this forum have had our teeth kicked in at one time or another.  Life will visit you with the same lessons over and over again until you learn it or you die.  Wish you fair winds at your back.  You will be happier person and feel less frustration if you look at what you really offer to a woman and make some changes....or God blesses you with one in a million woman who is looking exactly what you are offering.  But i no longer put my 2 dollars into the lotto every week.  Just throwing money out of the window mentality.  Good Luck...and i mean it.