All About China > Understanding Chinese Women
How to convince wife to seek help
David E:
--- Quote from: Jason B on December 07, 2011, 04:30:34 pm ---One way for her to meet people and feel more comfortable and more confident by socialising is by doing some courses. I do not know if the USA offers the same thing that they do in Australia where part of the visa process is that the person is entitled to 508 hours of free learn English classes and about 200 hours of job training. My wife is doing these now and loves it. She gets out of the house and socialises with not only other Chinese people doing the course but other foreigners as well. Maybe your wife is feeling trapped and frustrated. But in this world of zero tolerance nobody deserves to be hit no matter the gender. It need sorting.
--- End quote ---
Yep...bloody good idea Jase
Ming has enrolled in her 508 hours worth and is loving it. The College is only 10 minutes from home and she is doing 4 hours per day. She meets many different Chinese women and of course, people from all over the World. She got in at level 2 so she is doing good meaty English and they are pestering her to get her Uni degree certified so she can get a good job !!!...but selfish me dont want her to work......the only way out for me is to let her have the baby she wants...then she need not work !!!!....hey ho....decisions, decisions, decisions ....!!!
Jason B:
--- Quote from: David E on December 07, 2011, 10:11:18 pm ---the only way out for me is to let her have the baby she wants...then she need not work !!!!....hey ho....decisions, decisions, decisions ....!!!
--- End quote ---
Too late for me, I have told her she does not have to work and can stay home and be with the baby. Maybe then we can have another.......
Have told her to get her mum to bring her papers from China if she comes next year to see the baby so we can get them translated too. I have heard but not confirmed that the place Xia goes to will translate them for free as they will help her if/when she looks for work or any courses she decides. Or if she needs to do a bridging course to equate the Chinese degree with an Australian one.
Menopause could be an issue, but I have no idea about that..........we are not old enough to be there yet. Please keep us updated
dumbo:
Thanks for all the support and replies. I have a hard time responding at home and internet was out at my office. I will respond in more detail tomorrow. I used to think that if a female hit me I would leave her immediately too. But she is my wife now, I can't do that. We are married for good days and bad days. I will help her and support her. If she has a mental disease like I suspect that is more reason why I will stay with her. She has a 7 year old son who now considers me the father. Last night we set up the first christmas tree of his life.
His natural father is a wealthy Chinese Businessman, he has left plenty of money and property to her. She does not need me in anyway financially rest of her life. She also is frugal just like most Chinese women. When we met in China, I also told her if she is looking for just a green card, she can come to USA on the investor visa program and we can live together. She always said she wanted to have a father for her son. She was also looking for someone who wasn't very rich. I still make the point that I pay the bills for my self and pay most of the household bills, she pays anything related to our son's school and also helps me with shopping. Once she offered to buy me a new car and I refused because I don't want to use her ex husbands money. Now may be I am not rich and suddenly she realises that I will never become very rich like her ex husband and this is stressing her out.
The bipolar suggestion also came from some of my friends. I ignored it at first, but the mood swings are extreme. She has hit me 3 times and kicked once our 7 year old son. This all happened in the last 5 months. When she is depressed she will kneel on the floor in the kitchen and not communicate with anyone. She will also sit in the back seat when she is mad at me. This can sometimes go on for a week. She can have very high energy days followed by very low energy days. She can explode at me at any notice. Her paranoia is extreme at times. I tell her all my client meetings and she gets very jealous if I am meeting any female clients. We can't bring any guests to our house because the house is never ready. Last night she got mad at our son because he could not remember how to write the color green in Chinese characters. He is only 7 years old.
Scottish_Robbie:
Dumbo, I am not a doctor, but suffering with the same symptons, I was declared Clinically depressed. This sounds very similare
The anger fits come through simple little things, can be caused by stress or feeling frustrated. The low and high energy days relate to the way your feeling on that particular day.
Please talk her into seeing the doctor.
Rob
Willy The Londoner:
I have spoken to my wife on this and we have come to the opinion that she has probably become depressed.
My wife suggests that although the son gaining a father has been an improvement, other parts of her life may have not! Frugal she may be, but frugal with money backing her. Probably a lot back home. Her new husband pays the household bills - buts what's left in it for her? She has no income I presume other than what comes from China. She has property in China but in the USA she is, according to Dumbo, living in a property with him where he pays the rent.
Our feelings is that her life has not improved to the extent that she is happy to discuss it with others. She sees herself as a divorced woman with a child who has HAD to take a foreign man as husband and who was one that was willing to take on another man's child. Whatever we on here think, that is not so good to the Chinese mind.
She wants to be seen in a new car - that will show her life has improved but her offer was turned down. Her new husband does not want her to use the money provided by her ex. It is her money and her new husbands dogma is not wanting to use it but keep her in a position which she feels is no improvement. The biggest problem when marrying Chinese lady is that there has to be improvement or at least a sense of it.
Love is one thing but they, and others near to her, need to see that the ladies life has changed for the better. Not only financially, although as we know from past cases, when the income goes then so may the wife.
She is probably alone at home all the time whilst her husband is out working, and his job probably often keeps him out into the evening. Chinese men who are out at all times in the evening usually are womanising. That is probably why she divorced her ex. So she has that in the back of her mind.
Ok Dumbo probably told her he would visit clients but because he was always available when in China she may well have thought he would be home every evening with her.
Her life in the USA may not not be what she envisaged although before she arrived she probably thought she would get used to it.
It is probably in her mind that other Chinese woman in the USA have improved their lifes whereas she feels hers has stood still or even slide downwards a bit.
We know that it takes a lot to fathom out a Chines woman's mind but seeing a doctor who she cannot converse with freely so that both will understand her will be a problem unless she is absolutely fluent in English.
It is still our opinion that she spend some time in China so that she can assess if American life is really for her.
Willy
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