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How to convince wife to seek help

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Philip:
It is difficult to speculate, other than your wife is suffering from depression. Whether this is in response to her environment, her expectations, or a chemical imbalance, I'm not sure, not knowing her and not being medically-trained.
I do wonder whether she has articulated any of her frustrations, with words rather than fists. What does she want? What would she like her future to be, now she has lived with you for a few months? Does she want to work? Does she want to study? Can you have these kind of discussions? Can she articulate her feelings to you?
I teach young children, and find that physical aggression is often the only way some children can communicate their frustrations. This is because their language is inadequate to express their emotions. I am not suggesting your wife is a child, but the language barrier, coupled with her lack of an outlet to communicate her frustrations, plus a possible cul-de-sac in her expectations for the future could be an explosive mix.
When I speak with my wife about our future, it is sometimes difficult to find out what she wants. She defers to me, she says we can live anywhere, she will follow me, she is happy if I am happy, I can get any job, she doesn't mind. But I tell her that I need to know what she wants. And after a lot of discussion, sometimes, I actually find out, and then I tell her how much I appreciate her telling me.

djal:
I really feel for you.  I haven't read the other posts .... but how about getting a psychologist (who speaks Chinese) to talk to her on the phone and convince her to come and consult him/her.  I know in China it is not usual for people to consult a psy for help.  Just tell her psychologists see many people in America for all kind of issues... and they can really help.

My two cents.

Best of luck,

Alain

dumbo:
Thanks for all the responses here and private messages. I got hit several punches two kicks and my sweater got ripped off today. I wrote what happened to her sister I also asked if my wife ex husband can come here for awhile. May be he can convince her to get some help. The situation is not very good.

I will try to answer some of the questions. She lived in Sweeden for one year when our son was 2 years old. So I didn't anticipate too much culture shock from her as she had already lived outside China before. May be this was wrong. She has a part time job and she goes to school part time for ESL. Her English is pretty good. She wanted to work in a daycare at first and we had plans to run one ourselves. I suggested to her to find a babysitter job first and then she could learn more about the American culture and open her own daycare one year later. I also didn't want her to start any work in the first 3 months. we also talked about her working in my business together. She was interested in that, she worked in a stock trading company before. I work late Monday nights from home phoning clients, Tuesday and Thursday I come home late and Wendesday I am home at 2 o'clock and and take our son to violin lessons. Saturday morning I again work from home and then we go outside to the public library. I understand the part about may be I am womanizing on the nights I am out. I can't change my job for her, However, I took it very easy in the first 3 months and I avoided making too many night appointments. She has access to my appointment system online, I also gave her my passwords so she has access to my bank accounts and credit cards. I know she is paranoid about me seeing someone.

She does refuse any mental help. Today our son got close to calling 911. In many ways I wished he had called, it looks like this is going to escalate pretty badly. She has no interest to go back to China, I think when I got her family involved, their response was we don't want our divorced daughter to come back to China and she may not have received a very warm support. Her ex husband is more supportive, even though I don't know what he says in Chinese to her. He gives her pretty good advice and tries to rationalize her.

I am told by doctors that you can't force someone into a mental treatment program, it will backfire. The best thing that may happen is that I have a very good relationship with our son. He may force her into therapy. I am working on this, it is not easy, I am trying to explain when your mom acts crazy it is not your fault. Lets see what happens 

Vince G:

--- Quote from: dumbo on December 25, 2011, 07:37:46 pm ---I am told by doctors that you can't force someone into a mental treatment program, it will backfire.
--- End quote ---

Not true. You can have her committed to a mental health facility for assessment. What State are you in?

maxx:
Vince you missed Dumbo's point.What Dumbo is saying is.If you force the woman to go to the head shrinker.She will feel resentment and fight the treatment program all the way.Then she will get it in her head that people are out to stick her in a mental hospital.It just goes down hill from there.The lady needs to think that it is her idea to talk to the head shrinker.That is the only way it will work.She has to admit that she has a problem.And want to seek help for her problem.

If her son had called 911.And the cops showed up.The cops would of took her to a mental facility for observation.And then they could of held her from 48 to 74 hours for observation.Then they could of held her for however long the treatment took.You have to be very carefull on how this is done.Because you and the police are trampling on her civil liberties.The only way that she can be held is if she proves to be a danger to herself or those around her

Dumbo my advice to you is next time something like this happens.You or her son need to call 911.It is dangerous and foolish to live with somebody that is struggling with these kind of anger issues.You are not doing anybody any good.By trying to deal with this by yourself.She needs some professional help.

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