Author Topic: New to this and not sure what to expect  (Read 3536 times)

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Offline Nez

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New to this and not sure what to expect
« on: February 25, 2012, 09:13:28 am »
Hi Everyone,

I've been a member of this site for a while but haven't posted anything as I haven't really been searching for someone seriously so have had no contact with any women (personal contact I mean).

I signed up for ChineseLoveLinks last week, and have had girls sending "Interest", but a few days ago one of the girls happened to be online when she sent interest, I looked at her profile and liked what I saw and sent interest back. Next thing I know we are chatting (she is a paying member of the site so she is able to chat with free members, which is all I currently am).

Anyway, we chatted for quite a while and at the end I asked if I could give her my email address, which she was happy with and also gave me hers. We've sent a few emails now and chatted for a long time again tonight.

What I'm unsure of is that she is already saying things like I might meet her parents one day, or other things we might do together one day. I must say though I have responded similiarly. It feels very natural chatting with her, but I'm just wondering if it's normal for this kind of conversation to appear so early. I mean she is only 28 (I'm 38) and has never been married (nor have I), so just wondering if anyone has any experience about this?

Should I just go with the flow and see what happens? I really do enjoy chatting with her, but I wonder if I'm being naive.

Thanks,
Nez

Offline maxx

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2012, 10:46:00 am »
Nez go with the flow at this point and time in the relationship.You two are just feeling each other out.So it's all good.I think if it was me.I would try to set up a QQ call or a Skype call.So that you can make sure who your talking to.

Arnold

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2012, 01:42:12 pm »
I agree with Maxx, you on your way to a good start of what could become well .. a lasting Relationship? If her english is limited, she's looking for subjects to talk about and what better then Family and you Visiting one day. My marriage started out that way too through Chnlove and that was almost four years ago already.
Make sure you get to "SEE" ( like Maxx mentioned.. QQ or Skype ) especially before making "Going to Visit" plans, which should be thought of with less than a year from first meeting. Anyway, good luck to you Nez! Be on your Toe's though at all times and any uncertaincies ASK questions like you just have.

Offline Martin

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2012, 05:05:34 pm »
And, to add a little more to what Maxx and Arnold both mentioned...this QQ thing.  What is QQ you might ask?  Only the most popular instant messenger program in China.  All the women have it...in fact, I think it is a good guess that your lady might have QQ on her phone.  So, here is a link to another page on this forum about QQ.

http://www.chinaromance.net/index.php?topic=265.0

Offline Nez

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2012, 06:04:11 pm »
Thanks for the advice guys.

Actually her english is quite good, so there are no problems with communication. Sometimes her spelling and grammar is a bit off, but I always know what she means. Last night we chatted on MSN (we are now on each others friends list in MSN), so I feel quite confident that I'm not chatting to an intermediary - which I believe is something that does occur.

Also the photo's I've seen don't look like they are professionally done to lure me into something, they are just normal photo's of her.

Martin, thanks for the link about QQ. I'll ask her about it next time we are chatting. I already have skype so I'll ask about that also.

Anyway I think I'll just relax and enjoy the ride but keep my eye out for anything that doesn't add up, never know what might happen  :)

Offline kevster4355

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2012, 08:58:45 am »
Nez,
In my experience, this is common. After all, you are both supposedly looking for someone to spend your life with. During the two years that I was looking for a mate, I had similar conversations with 3 women. All were very open and promising. The first found a love in China. The second, I doubted our compatibility. The third, I thought was the love of my life.
The agency (ChinaLove) in Shenyang set up a QQ video call in their office. We talked for an hour. Everything appeared on the up and up. We continued to send emails through the agency for several months. She continued to encourage me with talk of marriage and our happy life together. I cultivated a relationship with the translator by sending notes at the end of our emails. This proved invaluable.
I went to Shenyang for 3 weeks. After 1 day with the “love of my life” it was apparent that it was not going to work. No how, no way. I was devastated, and I was alone in China for 3 weeks. I went to the agency and the translator walked me through their portfolio of women. She was very forthcoming about; “She looks nothing like her picture. You could never have enough money for this one.” She led me to a woman that she said, “only wants her happiness.” Based on her knowledge of the two of us, we planned a meeting the next day. Frankly, I thought that at least I had someone to spend time with. Long story short, we spent the next 3 weeks together and loved every minute of it. I returned 6 months later, for 3 weeks, and we were married.
 I am not trying to throw water on your fire. I am saying, expect the unexpected. There is nothing to compare to, or prepare you for that first face to face meeting. I don’t know how the site works that you are using, but the translator at the Shenyang ChinaLove agency was highly instrumental in our success. Today, the translator and I still send letters to our private emails and discuss life. She has become a good friend of my wife. From what I read here, this is uncommon, but I think it is worth mentioning.

Arnold

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #6 on: February 26, 2012, 04:47:15 pm »
It actually is not that uncommon, still being Friends with ones Translator. I think/guess it to be at least 25%-50% for the ones that are now married. Also many have made also many Women friends along the way too, including myself. I still write to two of the Translators and two Sister's, as I like to call them. Why burn a Bridge that is build on good foundation?

Offline Nez

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #7 on: March 01, 2012, 06:14:16 am »
Just thought I would give a small update here since you guys were kind enough to give some advice. Maybe in future I might make a thread about it in another part of the forum if things go well and tell some of the story, but I guess this is related here for now.

Anyway, things have settled down a bit on the serious stuff - we both still mention it sometimes, which is actually quite nice to be honest, but I think we are just enjoying getting to know one another at the moment.

Tonight she mentioned chatting via webcam, because she is teaching me a bit of the chinese language (I think in case I meet her parents one day), and it would be better of course to be able to hear the pronunciation. I mentioned skype to her but I don't think she has it, but I think she will be happy to get it onto her computer - she is going to look into it anyway.

I think the part of this that's giving me confidence (although I'm still treading cautiously) is that there is no communication via the dating site at all. We are just communicating through our own means (email and MSN so far, but probably skype/webcam soon) - but I think if she wants to get webcam going then there is no concerns I am talking to someone else - which is something I was worried about.

Anyway, I appreciate all the advice you guys have given. It's helped me to relax about the initial conversations, and it's all actually made sense to me.

Here's hoping something nice is around the corner. If not I'll just try again I suppose   :)

Nez

Arnold

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #8 on: March 01, 2012, 01:47:41 pm »

I think the part of this that's giving me confidence (although I'm still treading cautiously) is that there is no communication via the dating site at all. 

Nez, you know that most of the Guy's dealing with the Agencies/Websites would love to be in your position, as they are sometimes/most of the time unsuccessfully trying to get away from them and GET direct communication.
Just keep on the positive side in front of your Lady/Girl and you'll be alright.

Offline Mikael_Shim

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #9 on: March 01, 2012, 02:01:13 pm »
Having ben in China for 1.5 years now and still living hre with no plans of ever returning to the "Safe Harbour" of Sweden. All i can say to reply your topic. Expect the unexpected. Other then that, use your head (before your heart) and you will be fine.
"Just call me Mikkie , thats what all Asians do anyway"


对于世界而言,你是一个人;但是对于某个人,你是他的整个世界

Offline RobertBfrom aust

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2012, 12:38:14 am »
Nez , as Martin has said load QQ onto your computer and then tell her your QQ number , it and its associated companies makes MSN pretty obsolete , she will know all about it and by using their translator and cam you can be in contact as often as you want , being a lazy Aussie we even use it upstairs to downstairs and between home and the shops , regards Sujuan and Robert .   http://www.chinaromance.net/index.php?topic=265.0   
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Offline Nez

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #11 on: March 03, 2012, 01:11:34 am »
Thanks Robert, I will definately look into QQ - although fortunately we wont require any translation as her english is quite good  :)

Offline Hajo

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #12 on: March 18, 2012, 03:19:33 am »
Hello Nez,

Like the others say, QQ is the application of choice. The lady is used to it and it can be used for chatting and cam. My wife uses it all times to keep in touch with the family back in China.

Here is a link to the international download page. http://download.imqq.com/download.shtml
爱你的人如果没有按你所希望的方式来爱你,那并不代表他们没有全心全意地爱你。
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Offline Nez

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Re: New to this and not sure what to expect
« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2012, 10:19:13 am »
Seriously, thanks to all of you for the advice, it's hugely appreciated.

Just thought I might give an update, I did download QQ and we are on each others QQ friends list a little while ago (btw I love how they say QQ in china, haha. Maybe it's just when this girl says it  :P). But actually we have been having regular webcam chats on skype for the last few weeks and it's been fantastic.

After I read all the advice on here I just started to relax about everything and let things happen (while still being a bit careful), but it's just getting better and better. She's such a lovely girl, we're swapping photo's of our lives. She sent me a photo last week of herself and I cant stop looking at it, haha (no it's not a rude one, it's just a natural shot and she just looks gorgeous). The fact she speaks a reasonable amount of english has been very helpful. She is teaching me some chinese, can't quite believe how difficult it is actually but I'm enjoying it.

At this point I'm feeling really good about everything. I've read some sad stories on this forum (also happy ones of course), but I'm wondering if I've been very lucky or something bad will happen eventually. I'm being optimisitic though and thinking I am very lucky so far. I hope that doesn't sound like I am being a show off or something  :-[ , but it seems to me everyone here is happy for everyones success, and feel care for anyone when things dont work out, so I guess it's ok.

Anyway, the truth is without the advice here I probably would have run after the first week thinking there was something wrong, but it's turned out (so far) to be a wonderful experience. So I cant thank you guys enough for your words of advice.

Nez