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Marrying in China

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Robertt S:
Here is an interesting article I read earlier!

Forewarned is Forearmed: Planning Your Wedding in China
Feb 06, 2012By Jessica A. Larson-Wang, eChinacities.com   

So you've met the right woman, or man, and you've popped the big question, and now you have to plan a wedding. In China. If you feel a little bit intimidated by the prospect, join the club. Chinese weddings are usually rather involved affairs, and navigating your way through the many steps can be daunting. Even if you're a man and your Chinese fiancé is planning the entire thing, how are you to know what the heck is going on? The following steps will help guide you through the madness that is wedding planning in China.


Photo: chinadaily.com.cn

The Documents

Usually the first thing a couple does after becoming engaged is go to register their marriage officially. If you're a foreigner marrying a Chinese person, you'll need a certificate of ‘marriageability' (sometimes called a "certificate of no impediment) that is issued by your country's embassy or consulate. Getting this certificate can be cheap and easy or complicated and expensive, so contact your embassy and get the particulars for your country. For Americans, this process is simple and relatively inexpensive – the certificate will cost you 50 US dollars. British citizens have one of the higher rates for this service, at roughly 1, 400 RMB. You will also need to have this document and any other documents, including your passport, translated by an official translator – that means you can't just have your friends or students do it, you have to find an official translator for your city. Your city's public notary office (公证处) can usually provide this as well as certify the translation

The Banquet

Next, you need to pick a date and a place. Your fiancé or in-laws might have some traditional ideas about the wedding date and may wish to consult a fortune teller (算命先生), although this is most common in the countryside. The location is more important. If you're like many couples, you may be living and working in a city that isn't your hometown, and isn't your fiancé's either. Your future in-laws will probably want you to return to their hometown for the wedding, but this may preclude many of your friends and co-workers from attending. Some couples solve this problem by having a small banquet in the city where they work for their close friends and co-workers, before (or after) having the "real" ceremony back home.

Once you've decided on a locale, you'll need to pick a hotel or restaurant for your banquet. If you're getting married in the countryside, your in-laws will certainly have a place in mind (often the only place in town suitable for weddings), but if you're getting married in a town or a city you'll have considerable options. What you choose depends on your budget and how much of a show you care to put on. Usually wedding banquets charge by the table, and the per-table cost can range from a couple hundred RMB to several thousand RMB. A table can usually accommodate about eight people, so plan your budget accordingly. If you have fewer guests, you can splurge on a more expensive venue, but if you're planning on inviting several hundred people, you may have to choose something more modest.

The Pictures

The wedding photos are the next fun step in the lead-up to the wedding. In China wedding photos are usually not taken at the wedding itself, but are arranged at a photo studio. If you're a man, your wife-to-be will no doubt already have a photo studio picked out, but if you're a woman, your Chinese husband-to-be may be a bit clueless about photo packages and outfit changes and outdoor versus indoor studio shots. Most moderate sized cities have literally hundreds of wedding photography places.

These are photos that will be keepsakes for the rest of your life, so take your time and browse the portfolios at a lot of studios and choose one that will fit your style. You will be presented with a huge variety of packages, which will range in price from several thousand to several tens of thousands of RMB. You will want a package that at least includes one large photo of the two of you (this is traditionally hung in the couple's bedroom), several tabletop photos, and an album. You will also get several outfit changes, depending on how much you pay, and you will have the option of dressing in Chinese traditional wedding clothes as well as the Western white wedding dress.

A couple of weeks after your photo shoot you'll have to go back to the studio and pick out the photos from your shoot that you want to keep. The studio will try and sell you more pictures than what you've paid for and it can be hard to resist, but try not to give in. There will always be just one more picture, and the studio will say things like "isn't this shot so cute, oh it would be such a pity just to delete it," but resist! Also, one thing you definitely want to do is specify to the studio that when they are making your wedding album that you do NOT want any cheesy English words or sayings written all over your album. You don't want your wedding memories ruined by the words "oh my lovely baby" or "wedding dream time" on your pictures.

The Attire

Whether it's a wedding dress or a tux, you'll have to make a decision as to what to wear to your banquet. Once again, men have it a bit easier. Chinese brides generally change their outfits several times during their wedding. If you want to go all out Chinese with your wedding attire, it is best that you choose at least two outfits – usually one outfit is a Western style wedding dress, and the other is a Chinese qipao 旗袍 style dress. You can get a qipao made for you at a tailor, but a wedding dress can be harder to come by. If you don't fancy shelling out cash for one, most of the photo studios will offer wedding dress rentals. There are also wedding dress markets in the bigger cities. Wedding dresses are not always as expensive here as they are back home and you can usually get something nice for several thousand RMB. Your Chinese style outfit should be red or reddish hued, since red is a lucky colour in China. Other than that, you're free to pick whatever styles you like.

There are a lot of little details to the wedding that your Chinese partner will probably take care of – what kind of cigarettes and candy to give out to the wedding goers, accounting for the hong-bao (the money-filled red envelopes that you will be given in lieu of gifts), what liquor to serve. Your future in-laws will also play a large role in the wedding, sometimes even taking full control. The wedding, aside from being a celebration of your union, is also a chance for your in-laws to show off big time, so they will want to have a voice on things like the menu or the venue. It is a good idea to appease them somewhat (especially if they're footing the bill) but remember that this is your big day so you shouldn't have to cave completely. Try to find a compromise when possible. Most of all, remember that Chinese weddings are meant to be fun! Far from the solemn affairs that you often see in the West, Chinese weddings are parties, they're an excuse to eat lots of food and drink lots of baijiu, all in the name of your future happiness. Whenever your wedding starts stressing you out, take a moment to just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Willy The Londoner:
Thats a good deal of rig ma roll.

When we finally decided to go ahead I went to the Embassy in GZ. They provided me with the "marriability certificate" three weeks after I applied.

The day after receiving it we travelled to my wifes home city and they could not marry us as they did not have the facilities for marrying foreigners. (Note: not all marriage offices have this).

Next day we went to Changsha marriage office. Quickly went through the preliminaries and collected our red books after handing over the almost obligatory cigarettes and candy to the staff.

Total cost probably less than 5000 rmb all in including hotels and travel.  Plus another 300 rmb each as I insisted onn travelling back to to Zhongshan by High Speed Train rather than the slow crawling sleeper.

Am I a cheap skate or simply careful with my cash.

Willy

Jason B:
Got all the paperwork, went to the marriage registry, had a meal........now been married nearly one year.  Total cost: not sure of total but no more than 1000RMB I reckon all up.  No smokes or any of that rubbish for anyone.  Just my mum there as she came over to visit Xia's family.

Willy The Londoner:
Well even with our train fares and hotels then I am not such a cheapskate as I thought. ;D ;D ;D  Thanks Jason

Willy

lfputman3:
I despise both of you and your luck in cheap weddings... My first wedding, her first wedding and her mama's only child. I kissed those under10,000RMB thoughts goodbye at Christmas.  Especially after meeting more of the family and realizing that her deadbeat dad is the poorest man in the family tree.

Right now, I think the idea of $10,000 is just about washed away as well...  but I love her and I at least have the advantage of being here. I got to go and buy her western dress (which is an Oleg Cassini and the damn bridal shop won't ship it int'l, so I get to foot that as well). She's been seeing the seamstress about a couple dresses.
The dresses in China are about $1000. Me and my best friend/mate from back in my army days will be styling 'mandarin' collar long coat tuxes. Although we did try to convince her that it's ok for men to wear kilts at weddings....  Didn't work.... such a pity, my brothers (the real ones) would have found a way to get more time off to make it if we'd have done a kilt wedding. That's ok, I'll get her back down the road. That'll be my trump card if her mama doesn't stop demanding a formal western wedding when she gets here....

As for now, just trying to get other things handled before the wedding trip and my next couple weeks with her.

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