Chinese Women and Money?

[Robertt S]

Money is security to them! You need to realize that most of these women spent the best years of their lives catering to a person that eventually kicked them to the curb for a younger woman.They most likely lost their home and other things they valued, they have learned the hard way that money of their own is the only real security they can count on. How you handle this fact is up to you, but you will have to deal with it sooner or later. There are many ways to handle , but I think most women feel better when they feel they have earned the money. Some get part-time jobs at markets or restaurants. If that is not an option you can always tell her that you supply a certain amount each to the household account for food, household supplies etc. and whatever she saves she keeps for herself. Make sure you deposit enough to where she can save/make some money for herself. That should also give her time to get accustomed to shopping and banking methods here. Word of warning, be prepared to explain in detail why you did not haggle over the price of vegetables at the supermarket. You can also give her an allowance if you like or if she has any type of skills such as knitting or sewing, you can build her a small web-site to sell her products on or take her to craft shops/shows where she can sell her products. All and All you will find out they do watch the money and they do like to save the money. Another thing you will soon learn, there is no such thing as change from a 5 or 10 dollar bill, small bills are collected avidly for safekeeping When you have this rules of the road sit down, you should explain very clearly why you are maintaining 2 accounts so that she understands thoroughly your reasons! The main thing is patience and understanding.There is no guaranteed method, you and her will just have to try and find the method that works best for your family. You will also have fun explaining sales taxes, income taxes, car insurance, why there is no mass transit bus stops near the home/town and etc.. Have fun and Best Wishes, Robert

[Willy The Londoner]

Here in China we keep a bit of cash in our safe. My wife always asks if she can take some money before opening it. She then tells me just how much she has taken whuch is usually never more than she needs.

When she returns from shopping trips she takes great pains to tell me the price of everything she has spent.

Willy

[David E]

Ming and I are close to 7 months together.

I handled the money thing by giving her a cash-card in her name with an amount of money I put in there each month that is entirely hers to do what she wants with it...spend it, save it...I dont care.

Additionally, she has a seperate card, linked to mine where she can pay for food, groceries and any consumables she needs along the way.

I take care of all bills for household expenses, power, light, phone, car, insurance etc etc etc

I also tell her that if she needs something "big"...she can use our Joint Credit Card....or ask me for extra cash.

She has faithfully followed the "rules" and is far better at managing money than me....she has saved more from her own allowance that I would have thought possible...and now she wants to put it into our joint account...bless her  ...but I wont have that..it is her money now.

I did not want to have her in a situation where she had to come "begging" to me for money all the time, I wanted her to have the "face" of her own money...it shows I trust her.

All is working very well so far. If she ever decides to enter the workforce, then the arrangements might need re-visiting.

[maxx]

Me and my wife have ben at this for over five years.I pay the bills.If my wife wants something she will tell me and we will go and get it.If she wants something for herself.And  she thinks something is to expensive.I will usually buy it anyway.I have given my wife money before.All she does with it is give it to her mom..Which I really don't care.

I have tried to show my wife how the checkbook works.And how to pay the bills.She wants no part of it.So I handle everything.She doe's a great job taking care of the kids.And takes care of the house.So if she wants something.I make sure she gets what she wants.

[Sylvain D]

'seems like I'd better watch that video asap...
Scaring should be my 2d name I guess... 

Since a few months, me and my wife are "fighting" when talking about money.
The problem is, the more it happens, the more I begin "scaring" about that problem.
Just as if my wife's money is so precious that I can not really "get some of it".

For those who know about "Lord of The Rings", there is Golhum', saying "My Precious".
It is a bit the same in fact :s
Even if she can help me a bit, and as she's working, my money is my money and her money is most of time her money but not so much used for each of us...
Well, it is a bit hard to explain so "easily". As everybody I have to pay fees for the apartment and since 2 months, she can help about that. But I must tell her each month and then, there is that "reply" : "I gave you last month"... 
Well, I would like to say the same to the Govt and so on when having to pay bills and so on.... but actually, the smile on my face is not so much active...
I've tried to tell her about that and that I must pay many things, just seems like that now, it is not "enough".
Plus, I must pay about 3500 € since January to September for the lift that anyone living in the building and who is owner.
The other problem is that it can't easily be "solved". No matter how many days I could try to talk about it but when the moment comes, I feel like a spine on my feet.
Actually, it's becoming difficult.
Anyway, the apartment is mine, so I'm ok to pay for the lift, no problem about that, but I can not pay "all", as my wife is now working and can have one month income, full time job and not half one.
ok the fridge is quite empty, and about some food inside, it is "what I like", and not what my wife likes... and even that, makes her a bit angry...
I had some problems with my car, now one teeth I need to change (no, not the 32....hehe) so of course, there is some money that I must "letting go away"...

I am just believing that when getting married, nothing is won, nothing is lost, but there is as a match man must deal with, everyday. No matter how funny or difficult it can be.
But well, sometimes, I just feel that some problems are above feelings and can be difficult to go "through" it.
I don't say that my wife's a bad wife. I Just would like to know in fact if some of the brotherhood's wives here can become angry when talking about money or asking a bit some help when living together in the same apartment / house.

[Arnold]

Sly, I'm sure you're not alone in this. Remember, chinese Women are used to being taken care of by the Man and mostly "expect" that especially from a western Husband. I see it in Qing's family and her friends families here in the States.
One of the reasons for Liyan to try to safe her money is/can be for many reasons. One being for security in a foreign land, also for future Trips back to see Family she's left behind. I know, us as western Men.. hence Women here like to be like "Men".. we of course expect them to carry at least half the weight.. money wise and other problems equally. This is now, where you realize that you are married to a chinese and can not expect her to change on the dime. This can of course turn out slowly that this issue get's resolved over time or it will cause her to think.. you're not living up to you "Part" of the Relationship as a Husband. These are hard facts you're faced with and must be very careful how you handle this situation at hand. You need to sit down and map out an overall Budget that clearly shows to both of you.. where exactly both of you are and where you're going if it does not get taken care of. Be Patient, it doesn't pay your bills.. but it will safe your marriage.

[Sylvain D]

Thanks for your fast reply, Arnold
I know that Liyan must save some money to send in China later or to give later for her Papa, so that he can have a happy life when being "retired"?
Well, one of the only ways to have big money, would be me to be millionaire. I guess I should buy only one lucky ticket... and beginning to feel more "secure".
I will think about other ways tonight, many things to think about anyway, nights are short, days are long, but well.... that's life

[maxx]

Sly what Arnold posted is the best answear that Iv'e seen.At some point and time we all face this problem.How you and your wife work this out will.Determine the rest of your relationship with your wife

[Jason B]

This is correct Sly, get a budget worked out, show her all the workings and how she maybe able to contribute somewhere.  A little bit maybe helpful and both of you can have a feeling of contributing together.

Xia does not work as she is looking after the baby and did not before she was pregnant, but every ones situation is different.  I know she is tighter than a fishes backside when it comes to money.  She looks at it just as Arnold said, I am the man I work therefore I take care of her.  She has access to all of our accounts and does not touch them but leaves it upto me to pay the bills etc and most come out electronically - mortgage, insurance, car repayments etc. maybe something to look into and to pay weekly/fortnightly so all know where the money is going and the bills are not so much each time.

But then again she still has in her wallet a $100 note she got given and wont part with it.....

[Sylvain D]

Thanks again for comments.
Well, the situation is better actually @ home
Talking with Liyan and arguing that there is no need to talk a bit "loudly" about important things such as money, maybe helped to solve the problem before yesterday, at night.
Plus, when I'm angry or fed up about something, I can not so easily talk, then I need to think about something else, I don't really know how to explain, but well... we've talked about money's problem, it was not easy at first, then, seeing that there was as a wall in our talking, I decided to stop about that and went sleeping.
As old saying says : "Night provides good advises".
The fact is, yesterday morning and at night, everything was ok. Liyan told me she agreed what I said and that she could help, too.
Now, that problem is over, and that's very good.
It just seems that my wife, chinese wife, can better understand me than some any other westerner woman would... crazy, isn't it?

[Arnold]

Sly, I don't want to rain on your Parade..but don't be fooled into thinking this subject is settled for good. Liyan might have agreed for now, but I have a feeling (thats all it is of course, hence I don't know your wife and you only as a friend that I have met ones.. also through your Postings) if you two are not on top of this problem.. it will get again get out of hand. Money issues are the most common reason People split up. One is, because it's not worked out from both ends equally, or for unexpected financial burden. Your Elevator installation to your Building is a good example. This of course will add to your value of the Apartment, but again.. this does not pay bills on hand now.
So my advice, don't let this for now agreed upon deal be placed on the back-burner and forgotten. It's really a daily chore, but will strenghen your Marriage.. as both of you see.. working as a Team is better then by one's self.

[Sylvain D]

I understand that, Arnold, as I said earlier, nothing is won "forever" when marrying someone, and having some "fights" when talking to your beloved can happen sometimes. Man must deal with it, to solve it asap.
We have an apointment at the bank on Thursday so that we'd open an account for Liyan, and another one for both, so that one will help to pay the fees and lift.
Btw, as you say too, working as a Team is better than by one's self
Thanks again, Arnold