All About China > Share your love story
A Chinese Christmas in Australia
maxx:
Ok It's late so hang with me on this.All your lady knows is Chinese customs.And how Chinese men treat them.And as we all know here Chinese men don't have a good track record.So that being said.Your lady isn't acting Jealous.She is just waiting for the other shoe to drop.What I mean is she is just waiting for you to dump her.And get back with the ex or the other Chinese woman.Why would she think this?Because this is what she has seen happen to her friends.And her relatives.and no matter how you try to tell her the other woman isn't important to you.In your ladies mind.The other lady is the one who is gong to mess up her relationship with you.
Peter don't put your self in the position to be thought of as a butterfly.If your lady thinks you are a butterfly.This dance is over before it has started.The last thing in the world your woman wants is for you to paraide your ex in front of her.Or your other woman friends.Chinese do not think like people from the west.
If you are bound and determend to do this thing.I would suggest.That you take Robert from Aussie land suggestion.And just let it happen.and what ever you do.Do not make a big deal out of this with your lady.You are walking on thin ice hear.
Peter Arnold:
Thanks guys. I have taken it all on board, and feel that I need to make allowances for her attitude. It may be that she needs to know that she is the only important female in my life. I am okay with that.
I do know of the prevailing attitude of Chinese men. Candys' husband actually drank himself to death. (There seems to be a pattern emerging for me with these Chinese women.) So infidelity was not her husbands problem, but I can see that this can be in the back of their female minds.
I do believe there is a cultural divide between Chinese and Australian women when it comes to men having female friends.
Willy The Londoner:
Well Peter before you get to caught up in this I do recall that right from the start is was a matter of you getting back with her. She already has it in her mind that you are a butterfly as Maxx puts it. She thinks that maybe you will meet up with her in Aus and be going between her and your ex's. She may think that you operate in a small circle that means your friends are three women that you had previous relationships with and maybe she is wondering how many times you have tried to reform relationships with the other two like you are trying to do with her.
But also as you said her main reason in getting into Australia was to teach yoga and you possibly getting together again came as an afterthought or even a means to an end. I do not know which or maybe she is setting out her case in that it is her alone or nothing. OK others call this insecurity but if the boot was on another foot would you not be concerned if you were going to a completely strange country and the person you was meeting had other interests apart from yourself.
OK in a few months she may realise that you are sincere and that she is your first choice but before that day comes I can see problems developing over this. Maybe she does thing that she will just be the butt of comparisons between the ex's or she may be afraid if she gets too close to them she may say something that she would have rather kept to herself.
The other thing is, just how good is her English, maybe that is the problem if she does not think that she will be able to communicate with them well. I know that this was a concern with my wife on our trips back to the UK where we was going to see new people on each trip.
Could she be just wanting to keep you and others at arms length until she make a decision but I think you should be aware that a Chinese women rarely falls in love for loves sake. I doubt if many on here had cupid on both their shoulders when they met their now wifes. If the wife did not feel that a man would bring her some substantial benefit then being together would simply not have happened.
Even in the short term Australia is going to give her some good opportunities for meeting eligible men with a few dollars in the bank.
I think you should think long and hard about just what you want from this relationship and spell it out from the start just what you expect. It may mean that she will met you at the airport say' hello' and then 'goodbye' as she goes it alone. But at least you will know just where you stand.
Willy
Peter Arnold:
Okay, I need to update my experience with a somewhat immature Chinese woman who conned me. She has been (was) the most difficult woman I have ever had to deal with in a relationship. Her 'modus operandi' is to charm people to get what she wants. But she has nothing substantial to offer people or a man when she thinks she has what she wants. Today, having previously changed her flight to the 1st January, I went out with my two sons to get away from her and her pouting. When I arrived home, she was gone. I suspect that she was up until 3 am this morning organizing a contact to pick her up. She must have arranged it from Harbin, as she has no contacts here. Anyway, she is gone, but I am concerned that she will not leave the country. Her Visa runs out on the 30th February. I will notify the Australian immigration department ASAP.
What a bloody nightmare it was with her. There are too many stories to tell about her attitude. I will not waste my time telling the episodes she had here. My life can only get better from here on.
I feel conned and am appalled at her lack of gratitude for the time, money and effort and concern I had for her.
I remember 'China Shark' saying that we only here about the men that are successful on this forum. Well mine has been anything but successful.
So all I can do is make sure that I inform immigration and that she leaves the country.
Willy The Londoner:
Well Peter I am truly sorry to hear that this have gone awry.
As you know I had my doubts over this choice right from early November.
But that said it is never easy to have to come to terms with such an outcome.
But I am sure that you will pick yourself up and dust yourself down once more.
At least when I got dropped after arriving here in 2009 she did her goodbyes by text it wasn't just a disappearing act.
But I would be surprised if she did in fact have no contact in Australia - Chinese ladies are very resourceful.
But I probably know of as many, if not more, failed relationships as there have been lasting ones amongst the Forum members. Many have just gone quietly away to lick their wounds without telling all the woes they have been through.
It is my own opinion that the successful ones are probably now in the minority.
Willy
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