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A Chinese Christmas in Australia

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joeswuhandream:
hi peter ,  i think another tough  insight of life and a Chinese relationship ,
however  i hope everything turns out right ,   
Willy had some harsh words of your situation , but willy had a points to make  bearing in mind what you have gone through  and of course you could be vulnerable at this time , so i think Willy as kept your  feet firmly on  the  ground and not let your heart rule your head .
 Your lady is 53 , so in my opinion i think her intentions are honarable ? :) after all i am opposite from WILLY  always  the  optimistic  one  ;)
i hope peter everything works out for you  and i also hope you can earn sufficient funds during this world recession to get bye on
good luck  to you and your lady  :)
regards  Joe and Sophia

Willy The Londoner:
Far better to be pessimistic Joe.

They are happy all the time whereas an optimist are only happy half the time. ;D

If an optimist is expecting something good to happen and it does they are happy.  But if that expected something does not happen then they are unhappy.

Whereas a pessimist does nor expect something good will happen and if it does he is happy.  If it does not happen he is happy because he was right in the first place. ;D ;D

Since I heard the age of his lady I changed my position a little.  At that age she is going to be a good choice and it is probably the reason she received the visa so soon. 

I hope it works OK for Peter - he has had enough to deal with in the recent years.

Willy


Willy

Peter Arnold:
Okay guys, I have a problem, and I would like some opinions or advice.
I have a very good friendship with my ex-girlfriend , and also a reasonable one with my Ex-defacto and mother of my two boys. I told my ex-girlfriend that I had manged to get Candy a visa, and that I would drive down her way to go to Byron Bay beach when Candy is here. She suggested we could get together for a picnic with herself and her boyfriend. I have no problems with either my Ex GF and Ex defacto having boyfriends. I am happy for them both. I hold no grudges or animosity.
But when I mentioned this to Candy, she said that she does not like this woman ( meaning my ex GF). I told her I could not understand how she could not like her when  she hasn't even met her. But of course I know why she said this.
This is not the first instance of not liking my friends. I had asked my Chinese friend Melody, to talk with Candy after the visa officer spoke with her, so that I could be better prepared to talk with the same visa officer.
My problem is that Melody does not like Candy. She has not said this to Candy, but Candy has picked up on this.
I told her that I need the two of them to get on, as Melody is a very good friend, and is willing to help me/ us. She has many Chinese connections in my area.
Okay, the question is about how to approach this 'jealousy' problem, as to me it is just poison to a relationship. Candy has said that she will basically be civil to my friends, but I can see that this could be an ongoing problem.
What I am asking to the more experienced guys and also maybe your wives, is this jealousy a cultural attitude, or do you think it is a personal insecurity problem.
The other issue I have had with Candy is her vanity. I see both of these issues under the umbrella of insecurity.
How do I tackle this issue without getting her offside, and help her to want to confront her insecurity.
I do not want to sweep this problem aside, but would like to be able to, with some compassion, help her and me to address this issue.
The way I see it, Candy has not even landed in this country, and she already dislikes two of my close friends.
I know this does not sound like a good recipe already, but I would like to address the problem before it festers 

Arnold:
Well Peter, I will put myself into your Shoe's.
 
First; your right Jealousy is Poison!
Second; the first problem with the Ex-GF and Candy... "You" need to choose between a Good Friend or a Good Wife. I don't think you can have both here.
Thirdly; with your Ex-Wife... Candy will have to make the compromise and live with that, as your Kids are involved there. She has no choice but to except them or bust.

The one thing I need to applaud you, is... that you are pinching this in the "Butt" before your Married and makes it harder for all.

Candy now visiting you is a perfect time to study/analyse her reactions to both your problems very well, so pay very close attention.

I very much think you (both of you) will come to an exceptable agreement after her visit.

Good Luck!

RobertBfrom aust:
Peter , I do not think it is insecurity , most Chinese ladies I know would not like their male friends to parade their ex's as most , but not all want nothing to do with their ex's , in other words especially at first when she arrives she would want you to consentrate on her and not be parading her as look at who I am dating now .
 My ex visits my home quite often to tidy my sons end of the house and i always make sure that he or his girlfriend [ yes she is Chinese ] are home or I am not , it was probably 3 or 4 months into our relationship living together before I introduced Sujuan to my ex and now they are shopping friends ha ha . Never forget that for most ladies over 40 they have been made to lose face by their husbands wanderings so think like she has your full attention and let whatever happens when she arrives happen , the past is past .
 Sujuan and I often go dancing on a Friday or Saturday night and very often there are a lady or 2 that I dated before meeting Sujuan and they have been introduced , but only in a group situation so they are just part of the dance scene and never talked about as an ex , regards Sujuan and Robert .

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