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Debt and restrictions?
Willy The Londoner:
I agree with you Gerry. There are exceptions as there is with everything in life. We as individuals believe that is the case with our relationships. But it is only time that will tell.
I know why wife is so concerned with keeping me fit and well, maybe it is, as I think, a way of ensuring our days together are long. Or is it just a way to ensure that what I can bring to the table continues to be brought! I will never know until the end of my days. But that does not concern me.
Maybe they need to take what they can. Most of our ladies have come from a failed relationship and most of the men have come from a failed relationship. Everyone would like to think that the fault was on the other side in either case but is that always the case. But I have had no personal experience in that. But the woman come into such relationships with the thoughts of getting as much as possible out of it and the men seem to have the immediate concern of not letting them take too much, even going so far as setting up pre-nups.
I personally have no concern with what money my wife is or is not salting away. All I know is that whatever it is then it is not effecting the life that I now have. I have found a life that suits me and just wished I had taken my Dad's advice and come to China when I was in my 20's.
But thinking back there could have been one huge problem with that. Some of you may have become my son in law. Ugghh!! ;)
Willy
David K:
--- Quote from: Pineau on January 05, 2013, 10:54:23 am --- I am not shure what she was thinking when she struggled to keep me alive but I like to think that it was all motivated by love and dedication.
--- End quote ---
Gerry, I think you are a very fortunate man. Seems to me there are two forces in relationships - getting and giving.
Getting means bargaining- winning out in some sense, in the bargaining process - which means winners and loosers. Which ultimately means a loss of trust between both parties i.e a bigtime loss all round. Retreat to prepared positions; prenup agreements; damage control, deciding what to defend and what to surrender; having a plan B (and C etc). Not a peaceful way to spend time on the planet - this i know :)
The other choice - to be a giver, not a taker, is also a choice for trust. It means that I increasingly learn to trust my inner being to my wife's tender care; increasingly in the experience that a harmonious union is a way of achieving something together that we could never achieve apart. Of course it helps that I am older than most, because I've tried most of the worldly offerings and found them wanting. It also helps that I have a wish to lead a simple life; as my wife says " we have sufficient and we have each other: that is enough". So I no longer conjecture (much) about the range of catastrophes that could befall my relationship with Yan...or with my Bank.
Behind all of that there is unconditional commitment with no guarantees and none needed . That in itself suffices. Its like the Beatles song that says ' the love you get is equal to the love you give,'
So Keep on giving Gerry.. she'll love you for it. Best David K
fivetrout:
Thank you all for the uninspiring insights. LOL I am aware that all the conclusions given are basically just from my own words and how they were interrupted...and that's OK! I'm not a recent falling off the turnip truck kind of guy. I have learned very painful lessons with regard to trust issues. And on-line...I'm as savvy as the next guy with merit badges with Russian and Ukrainian women and those agencies... thanks to RWF (russian women forum) which is like this one about chinese women. My last love in my life was a severe alcoholic ex-minister whom lived many years as an abused child by her stepfather. And as you know, there's no better conniving liars like an addict! That woman could look you straight in the eye...lying through her teeth, and make you forget what you were confronting her about! That relationship caused me to reevaluate my part in all past relationship...and where I had failed, not her...but myself!
To the thought of making a bogus profile to test her? She took her profile down two days after we met, me... a month later.
Among trait's required...are that, she invest something real of herself, to make a sacrifice if required to the "relationship". Hong has expressed a better life for her son, whom she is very proud of...and I can respect that. She knows I had lost my home to a foreclosure, (a walk away) in which all my equality (175K) was lost with the housing crash, yet she pretends to cry..." I love Chris and he has no money" LOL
We have agreed a simply life is fine as long has we have a roof and can pay the bills. I have never sugar coated anything to allow her to expect more from me. Hong does know...that she can achieve a happy life with me, and that we will approach everything as a team (family).
Do I think this woman is the "one"? Hell yes! If I thought any different...I'd have no reason to waste either of our times! Do I think this relationship could crash and burn? Hell yes! For the reason's suggested here or others unknown at this time. I have no "rose" colored glasses on here...But I will damn happy... to give you all, reason to swing your votes to support! I think Hong and I both believe...you have to dream it...before it can happen!
At this point and time, she wishes us to be married, a honeymoon visit to Wudang Mountain to place a "lover's lock" on the cable of romance locks, and then a visit to her parents and family.
She is moving now, and so I've not talked in two days, but will update if story news worthy.
Chris
Willy The Londoner:
I am sure that you will do OK Chris.
You have many Worldly battle scars to show that your not a newbie to this.
I hope everything turns out well for you in the latest foray.
Willy
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