All About China > Share your love story
Our Story
Smaug:
My lady is a very private person, so I will not share any details yet; as she may not approve.
I met her online, through work. We work for the same company, and I was just dealing with her as a normal part of our job. My company just introduced avatars with our emails and instant messaging, and about half the company uploaded pix of themselves.
During the conversation about a job, I told her: "By the way, I like your avatar picture. You have a great smile." She ignored it, so I didn't say anything else personal. Later, I found out she was taken aback, and thought: "Is this guy WORKING or just looking at pictures?" At the end of that text chat, she thanked me for "my laudatory words" and complemented me on my avatar picture too. Said I looked sly but happy.
Over the next few days, we found we liked chatting with each other more and more. Shared personal aspects of our lives. She was surprised to find that I wasn't scared off when she said she was older than me, divorced, and had a 9 year-old boy. I was married at the time. Technically, I still am, I'm going through the divorce now.
I had been unhappy in my marriage over the past year, since my wife refused to listen to anything I suggested about our new baby. (she's 10 months old now) My wife is a resident doctor, and just kept getting more and more arrogant, always expecting me to clean after her, etc.
So we both did some soul-searching. My lady was sad about possibly breaking the marriage. She felt it was 100% her that did it, rather than just being the last straw. I had to think long and hard about whether to throw away my marriage of 8 years, rather than try to save it and forget I had ever met her. I decided I would rather grab this chance at happiness, rather than stay in the marriage I thought would be decreasing happiness for the rest of my life.
A few times, we tried to stop talking to each other, to give my marriage a fair shot. It failed each time, within two days we were both miserable without a chat or email.
We "met" in August 2012. Decided to commit in September or early October. I arranged to fly to Taiwan on business in late November, and extended the trip by 3 weeks to visit her in China into early December. I lived with her and her son for that time. She took her vacation for me, we toured her city and had a taste of everyday life there. It was wonderful.
Now, we chat nearly every day, and talk by phone once per week. Tried video chatting a few times, but she has a bad connection so it always gets cut off and is more frustrating than anything. Back to phone cards.
It is hard, being 14 hours apart! She stays up late to chat with me in her evenings. I sacrifice some work time each morning for it. I look for her in her mornings, but she is busier than me so that is mostly frustrating. Now, for example, we'd be chatting, and getting interrupted every 10 minutes for some little thing, as she is a lower manager at our company.
Now, I am in a hard part of divorce proceedings here. Wife is trying to take full custody, our condo, and child support. Asked for more than that. I'm willing to give it to her, as long as the child support is very little and she leaves my money and possessions alone. (after all, she will make twice as much as I do, when she finishes her residency) My wife and I still live together in our condo, I moved to the spare room, and the crib moved in with her in the master bedroom.
She is living her regular life with her son there; working all day, then supervising his homework and piano playing.
We don't know when we will meet again; it depends on how things pan out with the divorce. Once I can get out of here and get things started in an apartment, we can make plans for me to visit her again, hopefully in the spring.
Then, she and her son will come visit me in the summer. I will go again in the fall, she will come again in the winter. By which time, the divorce should be done and we can think about immigration. (by the way, any tips American guys can give me on successfully navigating the immigration process would be much appreciated) Heck, any other advice would be appreciated too.
So maybe this will be a journal thread, of sorts? I hope that with yours and my famliy's moral support, we'll get through this and be as happy as the rest of you seem to be!
maxx:
# 1When you decide to do the immigration visa.Hire a good immigration attorney.Do not hire a attorney in China.
# 2 24 hour rule live it love it learn it.I cannot stress this enough.
# 3 If it is not the end of humanity as we know it.Or it won't bring about the end of the world.It is probably not worth arguing about
# 4 different country different customs.Never under any circumstances forget that.
# 5 read everything you can about China and it's people.Learn some of the customs and the culture.Learn to speak Chinese.
# 6 learn to be a good listener.Sometimes Chinese does not translate well to English.
Willy The Londoner:
Well I think I should not comment on this other than to say that you expect this women to be treating use as your sole boyfriend WHILST you are still living with your wife and child.
No wonder some parents here do not want their daughters tied up with foreigners.
Willy
Arnold:
Smaug,
We don't know when we will meet again; it depends on how things pan out with the divorce. Once I can get out of here and get things started in an apartment, we can make plans for me to visit her again, hopefully in the spring.
Then, she and her son will come visit me in the summer. I will go again in the fall, she will come again in the winter. By which time, the divorce should be done and we can think about immigration. (by the way, any tips American guys can give me on successfully navigating the immigration process would be much appreciated) Heck, any other advice would be appreciated too.
This sure sounds like you have your Hands way to full at the moment, to even think about Immigration. Do you really think, for them to visit you will be that easy? I really try hard to put myself in your place at this time and all I see is... why did I even get myself in a Relationship before the Divorce is not even near final?
The other thing you mentioned is getting an Apartment? Do you really think your Lady/Gf wants to leave China with her Son to move into an Apartment (Rental) for security for both of them. I definiately think NOT, and if you think so... you'd better ask yourself this again.
Sorry to put it this way, but I see it as such. I will tip my Hat for you Smaug, if you'll work his out successfully in your favor. Good Luck and please take it only as my Opinion and nothing else, we are here to help and not to banish Newbie's.
David K:
This from :
http://laowaiink.blogspot.co.nz/2008/04/chinese-girls-heart-tread-softy.html
You might find it relevant :)
A Chinese Girl's Heart: Tread Softly
Of course this title is misleading. There are tons of Chinese girls that are as much players as the guys and break hearts without a second thought. However, at least in my experience, most Chinese girls are very affectionate and are eager, sometimes too eager, to give their love to any man that is sweet and kind to them, especially when they are young.
For the majority of Chinese girls, there is no such thing as a casual relationship. A Chinese girl usually interprets any intimate behavior, such as gifts, romantic messages, sex, etc., as indications of long-term relationship potential, and the fact of the matter is that most Chinese girls are looking for a man to take care of them and they are quick to latch on to such possibilities. I don't mean this in a condescending or diminutive way; I'm just stating my observations after years of field research :-). Chinese girls are extremely affectionate and usually very loyal, because their man is providing them with stability and security. In return she gives her affection, her body, and her fidelity. Whether this is "love" is another discussion, but it is this "emotional transaction" that leads to so many broken hearts among Chinese girls.
Everyone has fanciful illusions of fairy tale love stories but of course reality is a harsh teacher. A man can throw out words and money and attention willy-nilly but a girl's affection is her precious possession, and when it is tossed aside after being used up, it can be devastating. Chinese girls are very naive about love and romance, in spite of it being largely absent from Chinese culture. Yet a heart is a heart, and love is an incredible treasure, and when it is placed in the hands of someone who recognizes just how special it is, that heart will sing. But the sad truth is, far too many hearts grow cold and dim as the beautiful dream withers and dies, leaving a life that is biologically satisfied but lacking any real purpose.
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