All About China > Share your love story
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Smaug:
--- Quote from: Willy The Londoner on January 25, 2013, 12:11:49 am ---Well I think I should not comment on this other than to say that you expect this women to be treating use as your sole boyfriend WHILST you are still living with your wife and child.
No wonder some parents here do not want their daughters tied up with foreigners.
--- End quote ---
That's pretty rude and judgmental, but I will respond anyway, and try not to be so rude an accusatory in doing so. You have done nothing but attack me since I got here Willy, because you disapprove of my situation. I'm sorry you've made up your mind that I'm A Bad Guy. Assuring you that I have the most honorable of intentions toward my Chinese girlfriend would seem to be a waste of time.
1) She agrees that we are mutually exclusive.
2) She knows I'm living with my wife and daughter. We stay in different rooms, and only talk to each other when necessary, for the benefit of our daughter. If I had to move out now, while paying 100% of my daughters daycare, 100% of the family's healthcare, 100% for my lawyer, and 100% for my daughter's (court-mandated) lawyer, it would be my financial ruin. Not only that, but I pay half the bills. I cannot right now add more expenses to this. If that is not enough? If I moved out, I would not get to see my daughter very often. Now, I get to see her every day, and I have her for myself every other day. You didn't think of this, did you? Only judged me for still living with my wife, who would not even by my wife right now if the legal system weren't so slow.
Smaug:
--- Quote from: Arnold on January 25, 2013, 12:14:06 am ---This sure sounds like you have your Hands way to full at the moment, to even think about Immigration. Do you really think, for them to visit you will be that easy?
--- End quote ---
They both have visas. She can afford airfare. I will pick her up at the airport, and we will live as a family. When it is my days to have my daughter, I will pick her up from my ex's, bring her home, and she will spend time with her second family.
If I were afraid of complication, I would not be dating a Chinese lady in China. ;)
--- Quote from: Arnold ---I really try hard to put myself in your place at this time and all I see is... why did I even get myself in a Relationship before the Divorce is not even near final?
--- End quote ---
I don't look at it as a conscious choice. It was love. Remember, I didn't actively search for a Chinese wife, like many seem to have done. We happened upon each other and fell in love. When we first started, we both felt like it was wrong. She didn't want to be a home-wrecker, and I didn't want to end my marriage without giving it a fair shake. But you know, we could not go two days without thinking of and missing the other. I don't expect everyone to understand.
--- Quote from: Arnold ---The other thing you mentioned is getting an Apartment? Do you really think your Lady/Gf wants to leave China with her Son to move into an Apartment (Rental) for security for both of them. I definiately think NOT, and if you think so... you'd better ask yourself this again.
--- End quote ---
She knows the plan. We talked about it. She agrees. Apartment does not necessarily mean unstable. It means we can move when we want to, without having to try to sell an owned residence.
--- Quote ---Sorry to put it this way, but I see it as such. I will tip my Hat for you Smaug, if you'll work his out successfully in your favor. Good Luck and please take it only as my Opinion and nothing else, we are here to help and not to banish Newbie's.
--- End quote ---
Thanks, and I may seek your advice in the future. I (started to) read your Love Story thread before posting mine. It is great. I don't know if I'll get through all the pages of it, but maybe I'll start reading from the end>back?
Smaug:
Monday Jan. 28th is when our daughter's lawyer makes her recommendation to the judge on what the living/visitation arrangement should be. Hoping it is conducive to my having some money left to actually exist, (move out, pay rent & utilities, etc.) and a reasonable amount of time during which to spend with my daughter.
My lady is also eagerly awaiting the news on her Tuesday morning. When I am moved out and settled in, I will buy a ticket to go visit her and her son again in the spring.
Arnold:
Smaug,
first.. let me tell you, if you don't already know? Willy is and always has been straight forward with everybody (known him for years) and if I would see it as an Attack.. he would be warned by us Mod's. Take it only as one Man's opinion (which I'm sure you have), nothing else. You come here for help to further your plans, so you need it from as many prospectives as possible for the best solution to your task at hand.
Glad to see, them visiting you is not a problem for you.. that's great! One less worry, but I still see an up-hill climb for some time for you and you seem to be ready for it. I just worry for you, if your Lady is also?
Willy The Londoner:
I am not attacking you personally I am attacking an arrogance that some men have that ends up leaving a trail of broken promises and hearts behind.
You have everything worked out! That is arrogance to think that the way you are thinking will be the way everyone else will follow. The lady the US authorities etc etc. You think that if you talk long enough then people will take your opinion as theirs.
That is not the way things work. Ok if things do work out for you then I wish you well. But I live in China and I hear regularly of Chinese men getting rid of Wife and Child for a difference model. That is what you are doing as far as I can see, swopping one for another pair.
As others know I am not one to be on here to say what you want to hear I say what I think about relationships, right or wrong. That is always my opinion on the relationship not on the person themselves.
(Even my best friend has received a lashing for his antics with a Chinese woman.) Does the US issue lifetime visas. I thought they were for specific times and occasions. Plus you want her to pay for the air fares? Are you not going to re-emburse her when she arrives?
Plus you are thinking this women loves me so she will put up with me having no spare money, renting a home etc etc. That is arrogance and if she agrees to all that then I take my hat off to you. But I have seen the consequences on here and in life too often of the result where the mans financial position has changed and the woman has walked away. Money is more important to a Chinese woman that love. Love cannot provide into the old age in China only money can do that.
Finding a Chinese wife and the expenses involved is not the easy thing most think it is. You will be starting out on some good times but here will be a hell of a lot of tears and anguish along the way. Men on here have been waiting and still waiting for several years and have spent thousands and thousands of dollars and are still trying to get their ladies, even wife's in to the USA.
The last successful one lived here with his wife for two nearly two years before they both successfully made it to the USA. Hence why I use the term arrogance.
So what makes you think you will be different?
But for both your sakes, not just yours then think to the future. Just consider is what you are contemplating good and fair for both of you?
Willy
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