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Married life - issues between Western husband and Chinese wife

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maxx:
It does not matter what differences you have.It matters how you resolve the differences.First rule different country different customs.Just because you have always done something a certain way.all your life Doesn't mean that it is the right way. As far as your lady is concerned.Keep a open mind.And keep your eyes open.

Rule #2 Maxx's 24 hour rule live it love it learn it. The 24 hour rule is no matter what crazy thing your women tells you.Waite 24 hours till you respond to her.It gives you time to think about it.And post the problem here. it gives are members a chance.To tell you what the correct response should be.Ignore this rule and watch your relationship go up in flames.99% of the time it is a misunderstanding between you and your lady.The other 1% of the time it is a culture or customs issue you and the lady are having.

Rule #3 If it isn't the end of the world.And nobody is going to get hurt or killed.It probably isn't worth arguing about.

Rule #4 if she asks for money.and you have never met the woman in person.drop her like  a hot rock and run like hell.

Rule # 5 get out of your head and stop over thinking this thing.You are going to wreck yourself and this woman by over thinking this.

The secret to making this work.Is good communication.Both people having a open mind.and willing to try new things and new ideas.

Jason B:
Have to agree with what all the others have said.

Communication, work through any issues as they arise and do not go stop until you both come to an understanding and a meeting half way so it is a win win for all.

You will always have different cultural issues, deal with them separately and again make sure both of you are happy and understand what the issue was about in the first place otherwise you will never grow together only grow apart.

One thing that often gets overlooked though is that this is a marriage and like all marriages there is ups and downs.  It maybe all too easy to just blame everything on language barriers etc, but to me that is an easy cop out.  Just because the lady is from another country does not mean that you both do not have the same desires of a marriage.  Just there is some other difficulties in the way, communication, cultural etc. but work through them together.

RobertBfrom aust:
Spot on Maxx , 3 plus years and never a misunderstanding yet except when I am late for a pickup , but now she has ajusted pickup times to tell me ha ha , and I am never late , treat your China girl as a lady and she will give back fourfold .
 I love the fact that Sujuan when she heads back to China for more than a week or 2 leaves 2 or 3 minders for me to contact and go out with dancing or I might take 4 of the girls out for a Korean dinner , I love this cos I have the guys at my club where we go on a Friday and Saturday night so confused and even some of the women there must think I am a flowerboy ha ha .
 Truth is if I looked to play up I am sure word would get back quicker than grease lightening and someone has to look after her business interests from the inside , regards Sujuan and Robert .

john1964:
Hmmm, where shall i start ?,

 FOOD, everything is chopped in to the smallest pieces, When i buy a steak i expect to have a nice BIG steak on my plate to devour, Not tiny little pieces that would satisfy a mouse.

RACISM, she will point out a black person in the shopping centre and say "LOOK".

DRIVING, now she is taking lessons she knows it all.

FRIENDS, they are always right when it comes to my wife's visa and i am always wrong.

MOBILE PHONE. she can search through my phone and look at recent calls but my fingers will be chopped off if i look at hers, {all in Chinese anyway}.

MONEY, no problems there,she never asks for any because she does not like spending.

LANGUAGE, my wife's English has improved very well but sometimes i have to speak to her in Chinese for her to understand, I get scolded for this and when i tell her the same thing in English she says to speak Chinese as she does not understand ????.

QQ FRIENDS, now my wife is here i am not allowed to talk to them as she thinks all Chinese women are bad and i will leave her for them ???, Don,t even try to explain that you have been to China 6 times in 18 months and spent thousands of dollars to bring her here because she can not comprehend this.

TELEVISION, dont try to concentrate on a new movie as she will insist on the "sub titles" being visible, not only distracting and then she reads them out loud and you loose the plot.

BED, it is not okay for you to stay up late to watch a movie, when she goes to bed you have to go to, You do not have a say if she stays up until 2am to watch Chinese tv???.

SHOPPING, she scrutinises every product, even though all the same, "i dont have x-ray vision for the packaging", but what ever i pick up goes back on the shelf and she spends 5 minutes looking for god knows what ??.

CHINESE SHOPKEEPERS, she will still haggle for the cheapest prices .

ARROGANCE , yes it is always my fault.

PETS, they would be more useful as food and do not spend money on them so they can feed.

CLOTHING, It is not the same as Chinese and when i show her the label, "MADE IN CHINA", she does not believe it.

CULTURE, You can take the woman out of China but you cant take China out of the woman, Isnt this why we love these women ???, I would never try to change her, This is why i looked for a Chinese wife.

FINALLY, We, as most couples, have our ups and downs and i do have to say that it is more difficult than being with a western woman, but i have never been happier, I am greeted at the door with a smile and a kiss and dinner is never far behind, My children are happier and my son loves most of the cooking and has a laugh most days when she gets words muddled up, Photograph instead of breakfast, penis instead of PEANUTS, haha, Eventhough we have our differences i would not trade her for the world, John .

Pineau:
I told you Zoot. don't get scared.

I have something else to say about this. It seems to me with both Jing and Fiona I had to put a lot of time and effort that I would not have need if the lady was from America. But by doing so you put a lot more energy into the marriage. A lot more connection and interaction than what is normal. In the beginning you are spending  nearly all your time together interacting and explaining and just trying to communicate. I think it adds a lot to the marriage and strengthens the bonds. 

This is a negative thread because that is what you asked for but let me tell you that along with all the problems discussed come some perks and benefits that you can only dream about if married to a western woman. You can find a lot mentioned in other threads hear but the very best are kept secret and we leave to your imagination.  ;D

 

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