Author Topic: Leap of faith to Shanghai!  (Read 27723 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline AbovetheLAW

  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 40
  • Reputation: 1
  • Do or Do not...there is no try.
Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« on: May 26, 2013, 03:33:34 pm »
Hello to all. I very much enjoy Maxx's writing format so I will follow him (for the simple fact that its easy to read).

Ok...My story begins back in 2008 when I was in one of my favorite Chinese food restaurants. I had gone there often and really enjoyed their food and staff. There was a Chinese girl that worked there who was
around my age (25) who I enjoyed to talk with very much and would get nervous each time I would try to hit on her. Nothing really came of it because she could understand me and I couldnt understand her but I know she fancied me because she would have an authentic smile when I came in to eat. Anyway the point of that story is, that is when i discovered that I really had a soft spot for eastern girls and really wanted to make this interest a permanent part of my life.

So when I got home I performed a Google search 'Asian American Dating' and one of the first results was.....(you guessed it) ChnLove. Back then the prices were fairly reasonable and the agencies maybe slightly more authentic( i don't know). So I began my search for a Chinese woman that would love me and I would love very much. Now...lets be honest here about my expectations, with my simple American ignorance I figured I would find a Chinese woman who absolutely loved to cook, clean, have sex everyday, give me massages, and maybe even tell me a few mysteriously deep Chinese proverbs. I know..i know.. NAIVE and ignorant but im being totally honest with you and myself.

So with my starry eyed self I set off into the website, created a profile and begin to look at profiles. My thoughts off the bat were "Wow! Are all the woman in China models?" Then I saw some of the profiles without professional pix and that answered my question lol. So to make a long story short for about a year I was playing the shot gun game (choosing about 5 adm mails and seeing which one stood out the most then actually corresponding with that girl), I had maybe 3 girlfriends through this whole time but the cost of ChnLove began to be overwhelming and I was getting frustrated with my thwarted attempts to speak to these girls off of ChnLove and on QQ, Skype, anything that was free!

I then decided to give up on Chnlove for the time being and use QQ messenger for a while. I had no luck on QQ and strangely had grade school teenies trying to practice their Chinese with me, No thanks not my thing. Sadly enough I had no luck on QQ and I was beginning to think it was just impossible to date outside my country. Between work and QQ there went 2009 and I was no closer to finding the make-believe perfect Chinese wife. I was going to just give up.

I would like each person reading this to guess what placed a fire back under my ass, You guessed it! Western woman and their cruelty to their men. I think there is when i took a vow to stay away from western woman and their super super high expectations. Tramps. Anyway.... I gave ChnLove another shot and this is actually where my super super high expectations of Chinese woman was brought back down to Earth, im talking Earth's core. I found a very pretty Chinese woman who I got along with very much. She and I would send letters every week and i actually began to care for her a lot. Her name was Jia Jun. (If you can picture Adrian from Rocky thats kinda what she looked like) So everything was going great between us and I was actually planning to visit her in March of 2011. Then things begin to 180. Well the Chinese stereotype I had in my head (they do not get angry and act so humbly all the time and the other ignorant things i mentioned earlier) was crushed. That balloon was popped. She and I was actually arguing over EMF! haha more than once. She had different views on how to raise kids, she did not want to live in America, she did not want to be a housewife, she also did not want to even attempt to talk outside of Chnlove for whatever reason. I then figured out that we were not meant to be together and just saw trouble in the future. Dont get me wrong, I know i am vain on certain issues and a bit stubborn but certain things I just don't want to bend on. I have caveman views on who is the bread winner, children's care taker and such but hey whose perfect? After that I left ChnLove completely and never turned back. I figured I would leave my love life to fate and simply focused on work and my social life.

Well time passed and here comes 2012. This is the year I meet the woman Im here to talk about! lol. I started exploring the web more for any alternatives to ChnLove because as I said I do have a soft spot for Asian woman. I found QQ International. I highly recommend that website! It is more human and personal. Most of the woman on there know simple English. Well one day I received a message from a woman on there named Ke Shu. All she said was 'Hello' and from there we began to email (FOR FREE..i love it) back and forth. She then asked if I had Skype and we began to talk on there and even video chat. For maybe...3 months we video chatted everyday. So that was around...October of 2012. We talked til January of this year and lost contact for maybe 3 months due to her computer breaking. I then figured that she did want to talk anymore and didnt think to much on it simply because we were friends and nothing more. Well April rolls around and she found me and we started talking again.

Since then we talked everyday. I have learn so much about Chinese customs and culture from her its not even funny. Corresponding with her has made me realize that women and humans for that matter are all the same when it comes to fears, emotions, thoughts. My whole way of thinking has changed. I have been teaching her about America too as she thinks all Americans have high self esteem and are confident in everything we do... XD. I keep telling her people are people anywhere in the world.

Anyway we got together when one day she called me 'Babe' during chat lol. Then she tried to play dumb and say 'I dont know why i said that' Hahaha (i laugh so hard) Has anyone else noticed how manipulative Chinese women are? lol. Not in a bad way but they will often hide things or lie in order to keep peace or get an answer to a certain issue they have on their mind....Hmmm at least Ke Shu does that. Anyone else experienced this?

So we have been dating since then and I plan to visit her in August. Man! have we had our ups and downs. She has almost left me once and I almost left her once but somehow each time we managed to work it out. To me i feel that's the kind of wife i need, someone that will fight for us, as i will. What do you guys think?

She lives in Ningbo and plans to meet me in Shanghai in August. I will for sure update you guys about my trip and give details.
She is not the best looking girl in China(I have high shallow standards, i know ima jerk) but she cares for me a lot, she has a good heart and all that means a lot to me, I will post a pic.

- Jake

...   ...    ...  Death! ... ... ... ... ...

Offline fivetrout

  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 236
  • Reputation: 3
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2013, 05:28:57 pm »
Are you fricken kidding me? She's adorable! Here is what comes to mind after reading this. I think it's healthy that you banter back and forth, it helps create a balance of power. Unlike me, in which I often have no clue whats going on in Hong's head and there's danger in pushing limits going both ways, you both seem on firm ground and have displayed the ability to have gained respect for the other...and can easily still work things out.

Welcome and keep us posted!

Chris

Offline shaun

  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,503
  • Reputation: 37
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2013, 06:45:21 pm »
Jake,

Nothing is perfect in any relationship.  But what it really takes is two willing to work it out together.  Sometimes she wins, sometimes you win but if the two of you work it out right the both of you will always win.

Sounds to me like the two of you are headed down the right path.  I agree with Chris and Mike, she is adorable.

Shaun

Offline Pineau

  • All things considered .....
  • Board Moderator
  • Registered User
  • ****
  • Posts: 1,324
  • Reputation: 21
  • God is great, beer is good, and people are Crazy
    • Youtube
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2013, 07:46:22 pm »
Cute as a button. I'd be on a plane before some swoops in and steals her away>>>
Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
https://chinaandfriends.shutterfly.com/pictures
http://www.youtube.com/user/gerrypineau/videos
http://youtu.be/zG4eoONlutE

Offline maxx

  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 2,363
  • Reputation: 13
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2013, 07:56:37 pm »
Jake I'm happy to here You like to read what I write.Your relationship is progressing nicely with the young lady.Just remember the rules.And you should be ok.And like the other members posted.I think she is beautiful.Good luck.

Maxx

Offline AbovetheLAW

  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 40
  • Reputation: 1
  • Do or Do not...there is no try.
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #5 on: May 26, 2013, 08:15:49 pm »
Thank you everyone for the kind and thoughtful words. Ke Shu brings out the best in me and I will do anything to see her happy. I will keep you posted on my travel details. Right now I am sending for my single entry visa..!
...   ...    ...  Death! ... ... ... ... ...

Offline JohnB

  • Board Moderator
  • Registered User
  • ****
  • Posts: 619
  • Reputation: 11
  • the less traveled road has made all the difference
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2013, 08:56:05 pm »
"..I am sending for my single entry visa..!
Jake, why?
Apply for the 1- year, multi- entry visa. cost is the same.
From the looks  :) of it, in all likelihood, you will return to China sooner than what you imagine now.
best of luck! John

Offline AbovetheLAW

  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 40
  • Reputation: 1
  • Do or Do not...there is no try.
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2013, 08:58:00 pm »
Hmm... Thanks for the heads up! I will!
...   ...    ...  Death! ... ... ... ... ...

Offline brett

  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 64
  • Reputation: 0
    • Man Goes to China
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2013, 09:07:12 am »
Nice lady.

I've dated a lot of Chinese ladies but the one thing they've all had in common is having absolutely terrific figures.

I didn't like Shanghai much but the FX Furama (I think that's the name) hotel was really nice - cheap and within walking distance to the Bund and Nanjing Lu.

Just a word of caution though - you're not dating until you've actually met the girl. So don't invest too much of your emotions in her until you've been on the ground here. I've been living in China for 3.5 months now and I'm only now beginning to understand the place (and the women!).

Offline RobertBfrom aust

  • Sujuan [Yo ] is my tai tai
  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,029
  • Reputation: 11
  • Robert and Sujuan [Yo ] at home .
    • bopads.info
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #9 on: May 27, 2013, 09:48:28 am »
Welcome Jake to our mad mad world , if you have been reading items in this forum already you will find many answers , but any questions you may have just yell away someone will have the answer .
 Having spent time in Shanghai very late last year with my better half , we both loved it and as she had never been there before we still had no trouble finding places and getting around , stayed in an apartment complex , well hidden , but in city central for about 50 dollars a night if you would like more info just drop a reply , also if Ke Shu is flying in if you let her know of your flight details she probably can arrange a flight so that you airport meet , I did this with my Sujuan as she flew down from Shenyang and our flights were within 1/2 an hour of each other .
 For your visa you will have had to booked both your flight and where you are staying and show these along with your visa application , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Now it is early to bed and late to rise .
My QQ is   1994376895
For electronics and books etc , check out , www.bopads.info

Offline AbovetheLAW

  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 40
  • Reputation: 1
  • Do or Do not...there is no try.
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #10 on: May 28, 2013, 01:01:54 am »
Brett, Thank you for your words of caution and I totally believe in what you are saying because i have fully given my heart to a Chinese lady over the internet before and it got me nothing but heartache. This time I KNOW for a fact i still have guards up because i dont ever want to be hurt like that again. FX Furama huh? I will check that out..

Robert, You know I think i have heard of those apartments before....Oh yes! now i remember. A helpful gentlemen by the name of Robert told me of this place in another thread. I thank you for your information that day because that is actually where i plan to book my stay (after you told me about it i looked it up and found it was perfect). Also Ke Shu said she plans to take a bus from Ningbo to Shanghai (3 hours) and she even said she will meet me at the airport. I do have a question about the service apartment though Robert, It says online that there is a shuttle that can come from the apartments and pick me up. Is this true? I would like to use this. What did you and Sujuan do?

Thank you for all the helpful advice!

- Jake
...   ...    ...  Death! ... ... ... ... ...

Offline RobertBfrom aust

  • Sujuan [Yo ] is my tai tai
  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 1,029
  • Reputation: 11
  • Robert and Sujuan [Yo ] at home .
    • bopads.info
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #11 on: May 28, 2013, 09:44:34 am »
Jake , because our flights were so close together we just hopped a taxi as it was cheaper , but Sujuan made sure she had the address written down in Chinese because as you can imagine with so many thousands of taxi drivers in Shanghai not many know where the building is I think we saved the princley sum of about 10 dollars ha ha , so maybe yes their own pickup is not such a bad idea , hopefully you will arrive whilst it is still light and be able to grasp the size of the city , bloody huge , when we arrived it was dark so did not appreciate the size till we were exiting , and whilst one can catch a train from the airport very cheaply , one could get lost ha ha , regards Sujuan and Robert .
 I would have dumped some photos on here , but me is velly dumb in reducing , I will get one of the girls to do it in the next couple of days .
Now it is early to bed and late to rise .
My QQ is   1994376895
For electronics and books etc , check out , www.bopads.info

Offline AbovetheLAW

  • Registered User
  • ***
  • Posts: 40
  • Reputation: 1
  • Do or Do not...there is no try.
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #12 on: May 29, 2013, 01:31:49 pm »
Ok, Thank you Robert. I look forward to those pictures.
...   ...    ...  Death! ... ... ... ... ...

Offline Robertt S

  • Georgia***Shandong
  • Administrator
  • Registered User
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,005
  • Reputation: 18
  • Too Old for Instagram and Too Young for Life-Alert
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2013, 06:12:25 pm »
This will give you an idea of what to expect later on if things work out good for you! haha ;D


The joys and trials of marrying a Chinese tiger wife
  • Staff Reporter
  • 2012-10-29
  • 16:53 (GMT+8)
   A foreigner taking part in a traditional Chinese wedding. (Internet photo) A foreigner taking part in a traditional Chinese wedding. (Internet photo)

  A blog lamenting the lot of men from other countries who marry Chinese women has drawn the attention of 3 million readers in China. The writer claims to have interviewed numerous foreign men about common stereotypes involved in such a marriage, such as having to "marry the whole family," being without any privacy, and being expected to eat anything and everything. Chinese readers generally agreed with the amusing international perspectives, according to Guangzhou's Yangcheng Evening News.

LIVING WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY
One post comments on getting adjusted to life in a Chinese household, saying that within six months, relatives are all "queuing up to come to your home." In the kitchen, the writer describes the novelty of having two wok burners after "a dozen generations of my family have never seen a Chinese wok," and of opening the drawers to find them flooded with chopsticks. "Now I can even pick up peanuts with chopsticks," the author said proudly.

NO PRIVACY
Another post begins, "Once the Chinese invade your home, you will never have privacy again. One day I was sitting on the toilet when my father-in-law sauntered in and washed his hands while muttering phrases of a standard English conversation: 'How are you? And you?' with me."
His mother-in-law tucks him in if he falls asleep on the couch while reading a book. Both will follow him throughout the house, switching off the lights as soon as he leaves the room so that "everything behind me is always dark."
As for the furniture, "Anything that gets dusty easily is wrapped in plastic, even the remote control, the carpet on the staircase, and the keys of the piano." All of the furniture is hard and uncomfortable to sit on, he wrote.

CHINESE PEOPLE WILL EAT (ALMOST) ANYTHING
Commenting on food, the author writes in another post, "I love to eat the food they make, but they never tell me what I'm eating. They say that Chinese love to eat meat, but where is the meat in chicken feet, duck beak and pig ears?"

YOU WILL ALWAYS LOSE A FIGHT WITH YOUR WIFE
A general consensus among foreign husbands was that Chinese wives have flawless memories and will be able to recall even the slightest, most trivial offense against her 10 years ago or more.
They describe a Chinese wife as being determined to control every aspect of their husband's life. One writer jokes, "It is no wonder that China never had a great sea explorer like Columbus, because if anyone tried to leave, they would have been buried with questions from their wife. "Where are you going? With whom? Are there any women on the boat? How old? Are they prettier than me? How did you meet them?" Eventually, the explorer would have just cancelled the expedition."

DRIVING THEIR KIDS CRAZY
According to another post, Americans generally try to give their kids the freedom to enjoy their youth without giving them pressure to be the best in the class. A Chinese wife, however, will force them to learn piano, practice martial arts, take ballet lessons, learn Chinese and math, and "get a PhD before the age of 18." She will, according to the writer, forbid them from doing what they like to do, to the point where it borders on inhumanity.
Chinese internet users had varied reactions to this perspective on Chinese marriage values. One netizen said, "I laughed until I cried. Every description is right on the dot. Aren't these the shortcomings of the Chinese people?"
Another netizen sympathized, saying, "At least they understand the bitterness with which Chinese men have to live."
A third, in contrast, said, "aside from cultural differences, these 'annoyances' are the outstanding qualities of the Chinese character."
 

Offline Martin

  • Board Moderator
  • Registered User
  • ****
  • Posts: 2,228
  • Reputation: 25
Re: Leap of faith to Shanghai!
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2013, 08:59:20 pm »
Not to be rude, but I figure that there must be something wrong with you.  Right off the bat, you said you enjoyed Maxx's writing format...you can even read Maxx's format?  I would have picked ANYONE but Maxx.  hahaha (Sorry Maxx)

Sounds like you are headed on a great adventure.  I look forward to reading all about it here.