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Pandora's box?

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David E:
Whether it is a first or a 10th Marriage, whether it is with a Chinese Woman or a Martian, what you can NEVER have is a bullet proof guarantee that it will work.
We go into this situation as a result of a conscious, or un-conscious risk taking evaluation. All our previous experiences, good and bad plus all the feedback we get from friends, significant others and most importantly, from our own wants and needs...lead us to a final decision.

And that's about all it adds up to...it is still a risk.

To be certain of avoiding an emotional and/or financial disaster there is only one sure way...dont do it.

However, most of us here wont consider the do nothing option....if we are serious about finding a worthy partner we have done all we can to rationalise and minimise the risk. We have chosen a difficult and complex route because we believe the reward justifies the time, hassle and risk of a Chinese Bride. We believe that their basic character and culture more closely fit what we perceive as our "ideal" situation.

There is enough evidence, both here and on the wider stage of some of the red-flag scenarios that require getting into the "bolt" mode, so presumably we get past this stage and move into mental modelling of "how will it be with this woman"

Is it logic, or fear, or common sense that injects uncertainty into our minds about now ??...because it remains a risk.

Finally....you need to take a risk...thats life....but it must be a rational risk...not suicide.

Its not going to be perfect, you both have mountains of difficulties to overcome...whether she moves to your Country, or you move to hers...one of you will be right out on a limb.
Speaking for my Chinese wife, I know that she found the move to Aus to be seriously threatening and scary...different language, different culture and removal from he long held and treasured family and friends support network (VERY inportant to a Chinese woman). I therefore accepted that she must have a very high level of tolerance, support and encouragement from me and my family, and to always keep mindful of the fact that she virtually placed her life in my hands...and I take that very seriously indeed.

The rewards for both of us have been worth the risk...but nevertheless it was a risk....but I'm eternally happy that we took this risk.

fivetrout:
Thanks, more of what I wanted to hear. She does back off when I explain the logic against it...usually. Emotionally I'm very secure, as I have lived and lost, and survived a nightmare past relationship. It's where my logic's foundation comes from today in which I depend for guidance these days. The current issues need not arise after the fact if I display all my cards beforehand. Only she can determine whether she is up for the task and challenges for herself, but I will keenly watch for an investment of herself in this relationship. When I feel great about it...then I will run with it.

Chris

Willy The Londoner:
Well it is only a couple of months until September so I hope your making your plans for that rather than too far ahead.

That first two or three weeks together will be either the starting point or the failing of what could be a beautiful relationship.

Remember if she has a job then she may not be able to get off work for the whole time you are there. Many companies only allow staff to have longer holidays for Chinese New Year so be prepared to spend some time alone during the day in such events.  At least it will give you time to explore the locality you are in.

Willy
 

fivetrout:
Willy,
as she tells me...she will holiday for as long as I'm there...for play. That sounds good, yes?

China bound,
at the beginning there was no hurry... as she was taking English classes, and we were learning of the other on skype often. I really didn't want to experience Wuhan (stovepipe) in the summer. I not a heat type person. Then for the last 6 months I was looking to relocate, dealing with jobs deadlines, and yes, she started to get inpatient. So I decided to go after summer. Next week I will have a new address as I am packing for my move now...and I wanted a permanent address for visa and travel paperwork.

Willy The Londoner:

--- Quote from: fivetrout on July 06, 2013, 12:40:02 pm ---Willy,
as she tells me...she will holiday for as long as I'm there...for play. That sounds good, yes?


--- End quote ---
Do not get to excited I have been asked to 'Play' many times. It just means getting out and about visiting places.
Willy

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