All About China > Share your love story
Patrick and Lisa - Our story
IrishGuy65:
Our story really begins with a guy named Gerry Pineau. I came to this website because i had been talking to women on China Love, and I was getting frustrated. I learned many things, and then joined CLL and CLM, and I met 2 or 3 women there. But Gerry posted about some ladies he'd met during his trips to China, and Lisa caught my eye. Gerry told me about my facial hair problem, and we discussed that, while on here I discussed and read many things. I guess Gerry saw something in me, as he sent me a list of several ladies he knew that might interest me. At the same time, he gave Lisa my QQ number. She contacted me that day... February 15, 2013. We talked for a half hour that first time. The conversation wasn't dry, as many new conversations tend to be. It is normally an interview process. This was not. Very light and interesting conversation about nothing in particular. She has a great sense of humor and is obviously good with English. I liked her almost immediately. She tells me now she felt the same.
So the next day, we talked more, and learned more about each other. We talked for over an hour. It's surprising how easy the conversation is with this woman. We talk more than an hour the next day. So far, our conversations are in her morning, my evening. I work 11AM to 7PM, so in the mornings I have time, I usually get on the internet and check the news, weather... stuff like that. She is online and has sent me a message the following morning. So, we start talking twice a day, morning and evening... about an hour each time, 2 hours or more a day. The conversations are great. She is interesting, funny, flirtatious, intelligent... I could go on, but I won't. You understand. I don't feel pressure and there are no awkward pauses. Everything flows. We really learn quite a bit about each other without the interview like atmosphere. I look forward to talking to her every day because the conversations are so good and simple and easy.
Then, on February 20... just our 6th day of conversation, she drops a bombshell on me and tells me some very serious stuff about her family. She hasn't told anyone, she says, not even her closest friends, but she feels like she can tell me. She confides in me, and I am stunned. How can she trust me so quickly. Gerry has told me she has been around the internet a while and talked to many Western men. And we know that there are many, many bad seeds out there. So I feel honored that she trusts me so much to share withme. After this, our conversations are still great, but we have many more serious moments and conversations. She asked me about my wife. I wasn't divorced officially at this time. I was separated from my wife for 2 1/2 years, with no chance of reconciliation. It wasn't until the beginning of 2013 that I decided to seek a divorce. Surprisingly, the divorce was done by the end of March, less than 3 months to handle. Anyway, she wanted to be sure, basically, there was no chance of a reconciliation or that Lisa wasn't coming between us or anything. It took me days of talks to convince her that it was really over. She's such a good woman.
I could go through all our chat records (2 chats a day of at least an hour length each, on average), but I don't have a few weeks. So I'm going to sum up by saying we talked every day, all the time. We looked forward to our conversations, and got closer and understood each other better every day. Mostly, we laughed... a lot. I *think* it was sometime in March, after my divorce, that we started discussing a trip to China. It was going to be in August, during my birthday and Chinese Valentine's Day... but I couldn't get vacation time because we had a big poker tournament scheduled, and my boss wouldn't give me off. So we picked July, after school was out and her school responsibilities were completed. She is an English teacher, for those that do not know. It was the end of February when she told me her Chinese name, Hongping, and I began using that when talking with her. I never call her Lisa, now.
I'm curious as to how much others talked to their women before meeting them? I feel like we talked an awful lot. I'm happy with it, but we are talking literally 2-4 hours a day, every day. And enjoying the conversations very much.
In March, I told her about St Patricks Day, and on St Patricks Day she sent me pictures of her and Amy wearing green! I loved it. By this time, we knew all the good and bad about each other's past. I learned about her past and her family and friends... I told her all I could think of about my past. Surprisingly, I don't think it took long for us to start getting past the friendship stage. Once we started having regular FaceTime chats, the feelings started. I know it didn't take me long to stop talking to all the other Chinese women I had met... because I knew she was the one I wanted to know better.
Basically, our chats continued religiously. We both enjoyed them, and it was always easy to talk with her. We covered so many subjects, I felt like I knew her very well. We'd do some short QQ video chats, but nothing long. And QQ wasn't very reliable... we'd be talking and it would crash or the sound went out. Very hard to really have an extended conversation. It wasn't until April that we started FaceTime, because I had purchased an iPad (I'm so happy I made this purchase!). I think this really cemented our bond and took our relationship to a new level. Generally, we'd talk a few times a week on FaceTime to start. Her wifi is spotty, and sometimes, it is very hard to talk. I was surprised at how well I understood her when we first started talking. We figured out that early mornings were the best time for FaceTime, weekends were the worst, and nights for her were spotty. So we started chatting on FaceTime every night (my time, morning for her). How smoothly these conversations went really took our relationship to a new level. We could communicate well, and we both commented on it often. Plus, for some reason she thinks I'm handsome (even after seeing me in person), and I find her very attractive... so it added chemistry to our relationship. Yes, this is where it became a relationship. We made plans on FaceTime for the trip to China, and talked about what to do while there. Fun thing to do... watch movies together on FaceTime. I'd rent a movie and sit the iPad in front of the TV, and we'd watch. She would cook breakfast or I would cook dinner or we'd do our normal daily routines and talk to each other. It really helped us get to know each other and see how we lived our lives. Talking is one thing, seeing is another.
More later. Including a glimpse of things to come...
kenny:
Good story, I am enjoying reading it.
Good Luck to you
IrishGuy65:
So, we've been really busy working on Lisa's visa, with the help of RoberttS, so I haven't had much time between work and talking with her. Today is the first day I have had spare time in a week. It's a process, that's for sure!
So, let's see about our story. OK, yes... we talked while living our lives. It made it like, at times, we were actually together. She, eating dinner, and me, eating breakfast... talking over a meal. We'd both go to the kitchen to clean up, together. I feel like we bonded through doing things together on FaceTime, like eating, movies, cleaning up. Almost like real dating, except there's no worry about the kiss goodnight, or anything else :)
So, during this time we began planning the trip to China. She is a university teacher, and has off during the summer, so we made plans for me to come to China in July. If you want to read about the trip, I posted in the trips to China section... can be found here: http://www.chnromance.com/index.php/topic,3757.0.html
Anyway, we discuss many things about the trip... she insists on making hotel reservations, because she can get a cheaper rate. Like most Chinese women, she seems to have a million contacts, and had a friend in a travel agency that was able to book all the hotels during my trip, 13 total nights, for about 5000 rmb. Abot 384 rmb a night, and some VERY nice rooms. I mentioned this before, but I love the frugality of the traditional Chinese woman!!! My problem with this was only learned later, when I found out she paid for it all, and wouldn't allow me to pay for it. I feel so cheap, letting her pay 5000 rmb... Many of our discussions were about what to do for 2 weeks together. We both wanted to be away from the family and friends, to find time to be alone and get to know each other better, which is the main reason for the trip. If we stay in Shunde, we will constantly have to spend time with family and friends... and not have a lot of time to talk, etc.
So we first talk about Jiuzhaigou, which is a beautiful scenic place. She knows I like mountains and cooler weather, and since it will be July in southern China, getting away to a cooler place is a must for me, LOL. After much research, we find out it is just too expensive. At least, Lisa thinks so and decides to look elsewhere. In the meantime, we talk about Dinghu mountain, and also Hong Kong and Macau. These are all one day trips, so not a big deal, and we will take Amy with us to Dinghu Mountain. We look at several places, but she mentions over and over during our conversations that she has always wanted to go to Lijiang. So, it was pretty much settled. We decide on 6 nights there... enough time away from everything, and still time for me to meet everyone and for her to show me around her city of Shunde. We eventually decide not to plan anything there, just to enjoy ourselves and find out what there is to do, and explore, on our own.
A glimpse of things to come... she is always happy to talk with me, and ready for me to come to China. We both hate waiting so long, but it is the soonest I could come based on my job. i wouldn't get approved for time off earlier, or later, during her summer vacation, due to various events we have at our casino during the summer. I'm a poker dealer at Delaware Park, in Delaware, if I have never mentioned this. So we have to suffer through our waiting. Anyway, several things happen in the months prior to our meeting, which make her worried about meeting and tell me not to come to China. One, is just her friends telling her it is a bad idea. She wavers, and we talk for several days about it until she comes to her senses. One time, she gets a blood test that tells her she is anemic, and she decides that it is too much for me to deal with a sick, dying woman and too much for her because she is so sick. I tell her to eat some foods with more iron. 3 days, and 4 blood tests, later, she gets a good blood test and is fine again. The medical field in China is very poor. Have I mentioned that?
Anyway, the gist of the story is this: Anytime something bad happens, she flips out and doesn't want me to come to China. Happens 4 times in 2 months leading up to our meeting in China. As I said, a glimpse of things to come. If you've read some other posts, you'll see she has flip flopped several times on the engagement AFTER the visit... again because of friends, and bad things happening with her family, and mis-diagnosed issues with her. I will say that, at this point, I feel secure and confident in her decisions now, otherwise I would never be moving forward with the fiancee visa application.
Again, during these times, I have to thank Gerry, and more importantly, his wife Fiona, for talking with Lisa and giving her positive feedback about America, American men, and the life here. I know many have experienced, and are still experiencing, these ups and downs. I can understand in some ways, after the visit... she basically has a simple, comfortable life in China, and she is picking up everything and basically starting over here. It's very scary, especially for someone who has led the simple, comfortable life that she has led for so many years.
So, leading up to the trip, we talked about 3 things (mostly), her not wanting me to come to China, what we would do while I am there, and simple, normal daily conversations. Hectic, frustrating, and sometimes very tiring. But we made it through!!!
So, we are up to the trip to China, which you all can read about. The postscript to the trip, and up to our current situation, in my next episode ;D
IrishGuy65:
So, like any couple, we have had some downs as well as ups. All of our downs come from two things... 1) misunderstandings. Even though we communicate well, there are still some misses in communication, due to things like cultural differences and a little bit with language. I can't imagine how you guys that have a woman that doesn't speak English well, if at all, can manage it! Also, note that two people with similar backgrounds who are both native speakers of the same language will also sometimes have misunderstandings. We had one of these also.... had nothing to do with culture or language, just a simple misunderstanding. It will happen. Love, trust, and communication will get you through. 2) Worry, anxiety, etc. After we were engaged, and started talking about the future, Lisa did some things that I think all Chinese women may do... she started talking to others. She was very worried and nervous about completely giving up her current stable, simple life to move to America. She got many stories, a couple good, most bad or scary. This made her anxiety worse. And, instead of talking to me, she just did more research and got more bad information. This was a HUGE problem. Every day, now, I ask her if she did any research or talked to anyone, so I can dam the flow of bad information before it overcomes her. Also, worry about her family was a big problem also. She is 46, I'm 48. Her parents are old, her brother is a common worker, and her parents do not want her to move to America with me, because she is the one that takes care of them. Both her parents have some health issues, so she worries all the time. With this, I wish I could help somehow, but there's nothing that either of us can think of that I can do. We will do all we can to insure they have a place to live, insurance and health care, and someone there (Lisa's brother), to help them if they need it... plus money in case they have an emergency. This is a regular worry, and was a big issue for a month after my visit and we were engaged.
Now, we've talked out all our problems, and we are closer than ever. We know we can talk about anything together... we've built trust and a way to communicate. She is sure about our future, and I no longer worry about her changing her mind. But, we've had problems. Remember to remain calm (you have seen that I was not calm a couple of times, as I posted here in the forums). I remained calm with her and used the 24 hour rule with her, but inside, and on these forums, I was a nervous wreck... hahaha.
So, what I hope you all get from this is that you need to have a foundation in place for your relationship to be able to work through these problems. You will have problems... every relationship does. And there will be other issues that you wouldn't have in a relationship with someone from your own country. Build the foundation, and be sure you have good communication and there is love there... with these, you can conquer anything together.
So, back to our story. We had a problem on my last day in China. It was a simple misunderstanding, but it caused a big problem and we couldn't reconcile it face to face because we didn't have time. The problem was a minor misunderstanding, which turned into a major big deal. I'm not going into details... however, we were able to talk and eventually understand what happened, and, like I said, we were able to build a foundation for working out problems. it brought us closer together and made our relationship stronger.
From there, we had some problems with Lisa and her family... she didn't think she was strong enough to handle these issues, but time has proven her wrong... I am one that LIKES to say I told you so... and I told her she was strong enough :) But she leaned on me to help her, and we got through it together.
So, finally, we got to applying for the K-1 visa for her and K-2 for her daughter Amy. We enlisted the help our our very own RoberttS. He was extraordinarily helpful and we are very happy with his services to this point. We highly recommend him... you can visit his site at http://www.issoga.com/. If you are in the US, I strongly urge you to at least contact him before you start the visa application process.
On September 24, Robert got the last of our package together and sent it to me. We talked on the phone and he advised me on what I needed to do. Yesterday, the 25th of September, I FedEx'd the package to the USCIS. Today, it was delivered. We are on our way!
Now, I am encouraging her daughter Amy, who can speak a little English, to start getting serious about learning English. They are looking to get her some classes, so she can pass the TOEFL and apply to a college in the USA. I live right near the University of Delaware, and our goal is to get her into this college. We are now looking at some business opportunities here in the USA and also some possible jobs for her for when she is here and gets everything together. We still talk every day, and we still try to build our relationship.
It's going to be a long journey, and we are ready, and continue to work together.
From here, I'll post more as things happen. For now, lots of research on jobs, school, and buying a house. She has a condo in Shunde she is trying to sell for 338k CNY. If you know anyone in Shunde looking for a condo, let me know :) The money will be used for a good cause... her daughter Amy's college fund!
Smaug:
Well congratulations on everything.
My lady, I'll call her here by her English name now, Ivy; flip-flopped on me a few times since we started, but has been VERY stable the last 6 months. Never having second thoughts, or at least not letting me know about them if she has.
We too had a couple serious fights over dumb little things. One bit of advice: get a period track app for your iPad. Then, you'll know when she is maybe making a big deal over nothing because of hormones, or at least you'll know when to be extra-patient.
I do have to ask one thing though: Do you have something that is tying you here? If not, why wouldn't you just move to China? It's true that they have their problems, but at least staying afloat doesn't seem to be one of them. Just be careful of the water and air you consume, and about anything else will be fine.
I've got a daughter from the divorce (maybe you too) and I would have to abandon her to move to China; I won't do that. Otherwise, she's got a better career and money situation there than I do here; I'd almost certainly move there. Maybe get some menial English teaching job until I learn Mandarin.
Well, good luck. I hope she doesn't flip flop again, and I hope her parents are cared-for when she leaves there. I bet you've discussed bringing them and her brother here later, after you're settled...
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