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Just when........

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David E:
Just when life has setled into a state of normality and stability, after nearly 3 years of marriage....a real bastard curved ball came out of the blue and has got me reeling...

Some 4 days ago, Ming was reading me a snippet from some Chinese news App. she has constantly running on her I-Phone..

It regarded a story about a couple who were walking along a a rocky beach and the woman slipped and fell into some pretty bad water. The Man (very sensible in my opinion) was not inclined to jump in and try to save her because he was not a particularly strong swimmer and realised it would be near certain suicide if he jumped in, resulting in the outcome that BOTH of them would die, and nobody would be left alive to care for their kids/family.

So he legged it off down the beach calling for help, and fortunately got some assistance to get her out before she was drowned. She was pretty beat up by the surf and the rocks and spent weeks in hospital recovering.

Ming asked me what I would do if she fell into the water in a similar scenario. I reponded as we have been advised to do over many years of "water awareness" in Aus, that I would do the same and go for help. I explained that my suicide and her death would achieve nothing and better that one of us survived, and at least increased the chances of her surviving if I could find professional help quickly enough.

This apparently was the wrong answer...so I got a real vitriolic blast about how selfish I was, how uncaring about her, and how I was always thinking of myself as No 1, just like all Men...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got real pi...ed off with this response, considering all that I had done for her in the past 4 years to bust my ass to ensure she had a good life here with me...I wont list all these things because I dont want to get into a "points scoring" contest with her...it achieves nothing...but you get the drift.

Since that time, even with the Maxx 24 hour rule in play, life has been hell. She tells me the marriage is broken and is talking about divorce and returning to China. I thought a day or so of the "miffs" would get this rubbish out of her system and life would return to normal...but it is getting worse...she is out all day now with her Chinese friends, does not cook or anything, does not speak or want to discuss it....

I've got about 24 hours left on MY fuse before it finally hits the gunpowder and I will blow this whole thing to smithereens...such a trivial issue should never trigger such an irrational response...I gues there is something else going on here that I dont know about...but I'm buggered if I know what and she wont talk about it......

Watch this space...things will get very heated around here very shortly.

So sad

Arnold:
David, I consider you a much smarter Man than myself here.. but you "Should" have known better "Not" to give an answer like that. It doesn't matter if you think otherwise, you definitely jump in after her (when she asked you).. doesn't mean "If" it would happen you have to then.
This was one "Hidden" or "Sneaky" test that she took adventage off and you got tails instead of heads. I think we should all install the 24 hour rule into our Ladies/Wife as soon as the first date. It is a two-way street agfter all ( at least in the western world it is) but you know the Traffic in China....

Wish for a good outcome for you David!

David E:
Yes Arnold...I was fully aware that the answer she was looking for was that I would jump in and try to save her...whatever the cost.

In fact, if we were in the early stages of a courtship or even a marriage I would have told the "lie" and responded accordingly.

But heavens above, we have known each other for nearly 5 years now, and she has lived here in Aus with me for nearly 3 years. Surely there comes a time where trust and honesty should override such "cosmetic" and false responses between a married couple.??? And yes, I also understand that "I can take Ming out of China, but I cant take China out of Ming".
Especially considering that my ACTIONS towards her have always conclusively proved that she is of extreme importance in my life....I have done EVERTHING I have ever said I would do, and been a reliable, honest and caring husband.

I dont play around, I have always considered her culture and feelings in how I have re-structured my life to doubly ensure she is happy....my conscience is squeaky clean.

I can even accept and not get concerned over a short term spat from her over my response...but I cant/wont allow such trivial bullsh**t to continue to present such a corrosive and uncomfortable state of affairs to exist as it does right now.

After all, I too have a cultural background that is just as important and different from hers...and that includes a natural aversion to getting into the habit of telling lies just to keep the peace...it's a two way street.

What has irked me most, is that such a ridiculous state of affairs has come to pass from a "no-consequence" , theoretical arguement over a theoretical no-consequence set of circumstances that in reality have no relevance. Besides which, in the cold light of reality, I guess I am not quite prepared to commit suicide on her behalf...or anybody's !!!!!...nor am I prepared to lie about it to preserve some obscure set of Chinese cultural norms that I neither know or care about in this SPECIFIC issue of jumping into a death trap so that we can both die

Rhonald:
Wow, I agree - the rational just seems to take second place at times. Seems like theoretical discussion has to be off limits, which I can understand is something you usually get enjoyment from discussing. In my relationship, it is sometimes a challenge when my wife gets new, big ideas for starting different businesses. Theoritical discussions don't seem to be a sticking point as it appears to be for you.

Seems like stable has its other meaning as in a home for a wild horse.

Arnold:
.... from a "no-consequence" , theoretical argument over a theoretical no-consequence .... , so what is a theoretically lie to save ones ass or marriage in your case. I totally agree with your thinking for not having Japanese blood in you and saying goodbye to this world to keep another Person happy in her ill fated moment.

Just the other night Qing and I watched "The Abbys" (I have seen it before not so Qing) and when their Craft was about to flood with only "ONE" diving-suit, the Woman chose to drown herself to be pulled by the Guy to the Main Station and then try to revive her there. Anyway, I told Qing that I would definitely give her the suit... without any hesitation she corrected me... that she must give it to me. I can see, this could lead to a Fight that most likely cost both our Life's before it's settled. There is something instilled in these Women, that is even harder to figure out then our "Normal" western Girl's for sure.

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