General Discussion and Useful Links > Ask An Experienced Member
I need some major help and advice.
Arnold:
Chad, sorry you have to go through this awful situation.
I think the the base of your problem lies right here within....
In May 2011 I married a Chinese woman (Toni) in China and I first met her in March 2011.
I know we here encourage Members to go early after meeting them on the Internet (Chnlove or others) like 6 months or earlier. This can be great, but not to marry so soon. How could you really get to know your Wife in a couple of months? Love is blind and you Chad proved it ones more. Yes, I did marry on my first Trip (two days after I arrived), but... and here is the big but! Qing and I build a foundation in seven months of writing (honestly) that would easy equal 2-3 years of being together. By honest writing I mean, receiving answers to my questions, signs that only you would get from someone that really loves you (without asking for any such). This my friend is all written in my Blog tosee. I also see Qing is one in million, but this is what you have do on your end to be sure.. who is one the other end.
Too late now and of course I would not let such a Woman/Wife/Scam artist get the best of me. Stay away and save your sanity (keep her on the other side of that Great Wall) cut your loss's before it get even deeper into the heartship.
LP:
Run forrest run,these guys are telling you the truth.
Willy The Londoner:
I am sorry to hear what has transpired between you and this women. I hasten not to call her your wife.
I know that one or two have been married shortly after meeting face to face for the first time after a long term courtship by email and and other media. But it is not to be recommended.
I must go on saying this for ever. You need to meet face to face before you can even start to consider marriage. So many men on this and other forums talk of falling in love by media! More such marriages fail than succeed.
You have to walk away from this one. It is only going to cause you more pain and anguish in the future.
Within two months of arriving in the USA she was off and you continued to send money to China - that is nearly a year now. Her contact with you has come to an almost halt and you still continued sending the money!
No doubt she can come and go into the USA at anytime until her visa expires. By then she will have got her hooks into another or many others.
She could be in contact with others and arrange to 'fly to the USA' to meet them and only ask for a refund of fare after she arrive. Who could resist that, no show and they do not pay offer! She can then take a internal flight and he gives her the money for a flight from China and she gives him two weeks together enjoying the 'fruits of love' to ensnare the guy further and it ends up with him sending her regular monthly payments to her China account.
She is building up a nice little nest egg for the time when she eventually retires to China to live well.
I do not know what the procedure is for a divorce in the USA nor in the UK come to that but I know that one member of this forum would not pay for a USA divorce and waited for his wife to divorce him in China without him having to return here. He will be the one to advise on this but he has been quiet of late.
Stop sending her any more money. Wake up and smell the coffee! You have unfortunately been used by a very conniving women. The marriage is a sham and the sooner you notify the US authorities and cut off all contacts with her the better.
Your story is one that everyone who contemplates such an East West relationship dreads happening to them.
Willy
ChinaBound:
Chad,
Based on my personal experience you can obtain a divorce from her even though she is still in China. Takes a little while {mine was 8 months} but it can be done. I did all the paperwork myself.
I would cut all ties with her and proceed in this direction. I also filed a report with ICE here to be put in my files for the future. I included my story and all the back up emails that she sent and what I sent when she was trying to get me to pay for everything and it showed her demeanor and thoughts at the end of our relationship and prior to it ending.
Its a tough time but it can be put behind you if you just proceed forward. As they say when 1 door closes another opens. As with me it all worked out but not before I was looked upon as a terrible person. Knowing her for 3 years before we got together has made a big difference in the relationship and with travel visas to and from. It is now the start of us knowing each other for 5 years and it is such a breath of fresh air now after what I went thru with 2 other ladies.
I now have a good life with my new wife here in China and she is currently enjoying her stay here in California as we came back for 3 months. If I had to do it all over I would wait a year before marriage.
I am fortunate with her as she is a modern lady with her traditional thoughts still imbedded in her but they are not absolutes as to how life should be lived.
Best wishes in this and I hope that you do cut your ties before it just gets worse for you. If this is what you want there is another lady out there just waiting for a good guy.
JustJim:
Chinese women are women... they are not magic women. They are not pure and holy beyond all human reason.
My point is that it still comes down to the man to be wise and to choose a good woman. I can't explain what that woman is. All I can do is to draw on what I have learned from my marriage and from the other women I dated. Perhaps I should say that I know what I do NOT want. Now I just have to find what I DO want. And then I have to be man enough to be the leader in that relationship.
I know - I am not helping you - I am just sounding off. I think you know you picked a lemon.
Now you know what you need to do. You need to LEARN from this...
Learn what it is that you did wrong in picking this woman. Learn how to recognize what a good woman is. Either learn or repeat the mistake again and again.
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