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I need some major help and advice.

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Robertt S:

--- Quote from: Chad on November 19, 2013, 01:32:10 pm ---I want to thank everyone for their responses. Its not like I didn't expect these remarks, but I had to put this out there just make sure that I wasn't missing something and you guys have a better view of Chinese woman.

I have decided to end the relationship and work on the divorce any way I need to, to get it done. The thought of going to China to get a divorce has crossed my mind but I worry about what she may do if I return. So I will see my lawyer and take it from there.

The bottom line for me was how could she disappear and not let me even know she was alive for those four months when she returned to China. That isn't love and I am sure that she had some other motive to return to America and even if she didn't I could never trust her again.

Since we only talk on QQ I left her a message telling her that I was through. I am afraid that if I see her I may cave in to her, so I told her I would no longer be on QQ. After almost three years of the relationship its hard to see it go away. Especially under these circumstances.

Once again thanks for the comments and the support.

--- End quote ---

Chad,
Your best bet is to file in Florida and list the address that USCIS has on file for her to be served. She is required by FEDERAL LAW to file an AR-11 within 10 days of any move temporary or permanent. If she can not be served at that address, have your lawyer run an ad in the legal organ that serves your area/county. Just a word of caution about you going to her neck of the woods any time in the foreseeable future. You have little to no rights even being married to a Chinese citizen and if she met her friends in Colorado through her connections in China, I do not think they are the kind of people you would want to be alone with in a foreign land. I strongly suggest you have your lawyer run an ad in her local paper if need be and let her worry about getting back for the hearing stateside and stay away from her and any of her friends.

Regards, Robert

Chad:
I finally talked to my lawyer yesterday. She is going to proceed with the divorce along the missing spouse way. She says it will need to be advertised in our local paper for a month then we can take it to a judge to see what he has to say. Since she left me and didn't come back she deserted me. I don't know what will be needed to prove that but my lawyer seemed confident that it will work. So we will see what happens from here.

My wife sent me little messages on QQ for a while and has finally stopped. She was very persistant on her desire to come back to me and be the wife she never was. Now she says that yes it was her fault and she will make it right. After a while I just stopped answering her as all she was saying was what she felt I wanted to hear.

I am still sad over the whole thing but the best thing for me is to stick to my guns and it will be over when it is over.

JustJim:
This is good that you are seeking to resolve the situation.  All you need know is a little time to get yourself back together and you will be good again.

I hate to make this comparison, but it is kind of like buying a new car which turns out to be a lemon.  You go in there with the highest hopes and you really believe the salesperson's pitch, and your initial excitement is high.  As it dawns on you that you have a bad vehicle you feel outraged and taken advantage of, and all you want is for the vehicle to just do what you wanted it to do.

Maybe this is a poor analogy, but for anyone who has been through this the feelings are the same.  And it takes time to be able to trust again and to think that you can find someone good.  These women do exist, and maybe they don't think and act and look the way in which you are accustomed.  But there are many good women in the world who purchased "lemons" for husbands, and they are also now looking for a new deal.  I think the most important thing that a man can do is just to try to be the best "vehicle" that he can be.

Like I said, give yourself some time and you will be back out there looking for a new relationship.

fivetrout:
People are measured by their actions. Someone will come along that will amaze you in every way.

Robertt S:

--- Quote from: Chad on December 05, 2013, 05:33:24 pm ---I finally talked to my lawyer yesterday. She is going to proceed with the divorce along the missing spouse way. She says it will need to be advertised in our local paper for a month then we can take it to a judge to see what he has to say. Since she left me and didn't come back she deserted me. I don't know what will be needed to prove that but my lawyer seemed confident that it will work. So we will see what happens from here.

My wife sent me little messages on QQ for a while and has finally stopped. She was very persistant on her desire to come back to me and be the wife she never was. Now she says that yes it was her fault and she will make it right. After a while I just stopped answering her as all she was saying was what she felt I wanted to hear.

I am still sad over the whole thing but the best thing for me is to stick to my guns and it will be over when it is over.

--- End quote ---

After the divorce is finalized, I would contact the local USCIS office for your area and send them a set of your divorce papers to add to her immigration file. She can re-enter the United States legally up until her current green card expires, but she can be denied entry if the divorce is listed in her immigration record which can be viewed by the Customs and Border Patrol agents at any port of entry she tries to enter at. The CBP officers can use her divorce record as a reason to deny her entry back into the USA.( Not that they really need a reason) if she does not have an I-751 or an I-360 pending at USCIS. 8)

Good Luck and Best Wishes, Robert

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