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TO LIE OR NOT TO LIE?

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Ed W:
Only one answer I see. Truth! I got laid off too last month and she's been very supportive and ecouraging. She may have ideas you might not think of yourself.

Arnold:
Yes , the Truth and nothing but the Truth . One lie will turn to two and so on , til one forget's his own first lie that started everything .
Some of these Women , will wait for you and understand your situation , while other's don't . This is because , these Lady's all know , not just us , how much money ( close to it ) it takes to make this venture real . I'm sure nine out of ten want to leave China and be with their Man , when the time comes . So having no Job , little saving's , is going to make this wait too long for them . Can you blame them for that ?
I can't . Besides , you have to convince the Parent's that you are a Man that will and can take care for their Daughter , which is not easy , having no Job . I also know  , it's not for ever , to be without a Job , but they don't look at it this way , like we do . Remember , different country , different culture .

China Shark:
Bottom line in developing any relationship should be trust first and foremost. If there is no trust there is no point to try to make it work. My first Chnlove relationship I explained to my girl that I was unemployed by no fault of my own. She explained this to her mother and suddenly I was poison, after three letters of getting slammed I ended the contact because there was no way of winning out over her mother's opinion of me. Crazy part was that I had a job waiting for me in China with a free furnished western apartment to boot. Like Vince said if they cannot accept you for you or your circumstances, it is best to walk away with a clear conscience knowing you were totally upfront with her and her family. If the woman loves you she'll understand and try to work things out.
China Shark Mike

victor-hills:
I Agee with the guys about telling the truth but it hurts like hell telling them,and you try to save it becase you dont know how long your going tobe out of work all that time you too have spent getting to now each other and for me i hade to let her go we was writeing emails to each other for a bit last one i got have you found a job yet my reply was no not yet last i have heard from her since my last email saying i not got a job yet.I know what your saying arnold about not blameing them for moveing on but it makes you think did they really love you in the first place not eaven giveing you a proper chance to get a new job,ad i allways hearing the guys say you have to give are woman a chance to understand things and all that what about about us guys too or is it only a one way street,what im trying to say what about are feelings to but there agen mybe i did not pick the right one sorry if it seems im going poor old me thats not how i mean it.

Ed W:

--- Quote from: "victor-hills" ---I Agee with the guys about telling the truth but it hurts like hell telling them,
--- End quote ---

I hear ya victor. I can understand telling her bad news since it would feel as if your losing face but there's another perspective to consider. When I asked my lady why there was 10yrs difference in her kids ages, she told me she remarried her husband to try it again. I didnt realize how much she viewed this as another shame in her life. To admit she's failed her marriage twice with the same man, but she was honest about it. I wrote her and told her that I was glad she would try so hard to make things work for the sake of the family and praised her efforts. Her reply was extraordinary and nearly every sentence you could hear her sigh's of relief. She said she was afraid I would be upset to learn this, but she didn't lie about it. She told me the truth, as much shame as she felt about it and the risks that came with it, but in return I gave her face instead.
Leading up to my layoff, i was going nutz with my job. They had closed our regional office and laid everyone off but me and i was stuck working from home, 2000 miles from corporate. Hardly any email, no direction... nothing. A week before i got laid off I was telling her I was hoping they would lay me off and save me from this insanity of boredom. She understood since I had helped her understand how I was feeling. When the day came, I wrote her about it and she didn't skip a beat and offered support and encouragement.
Not every relationship is gonna be like that but if you meet that lady that you can truly bond with and regardless of losing face with her and be honest, she'll know she can trust you to be honest with her. If her faith in you isn't strong enough to withstand the ups and downs in life then it's likely not a lady that will survive those ups and downs.

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