Well guy's it has been two weeks since I made the 'right' decision about this thread...:icon_biggrin:
But, to let you all understand, the one 'bad' habit I have is I cannot let things stand, I have to put a lid on it, the final nail in the coffin so to speak...:s
On Saturday afternoon I asked my ex (Susan) to come round to mine for a coffee on her next day off, which I found out was the following Monday, the minute I asked her this, her face lite up, and she got a grin on her face as big as a Cheshire cat, (remember the cat in the film 'Alice's adventures in Wonderland'), I forgot how beautiful she was when she smiled...
Monday morning came and I was nervous about the upcoming 'meeting' that was arranged, I knew what I was 'going' to say, I knew 'what' I had to say, but, I know 'me', I'm like a little pussycat especially when it came to her, I always was, would I falter? Would I fall at the last hurdle?:huh:. Anyway at 4.30 in the afternoon there was a knock on my door, I 'knew' this knock I recognised it straight away, it was Susan. I let her in, and the grin was there, she smelled lovely, and looked equally so, so I asked her to sit down while I put the kettle on... Once the tea had been poured, we sat and started to chat about 'our' last night, she told me that 'she' thought it would be better if 'she' gave me time to 'really' think about what she had said...The thought came to my head, 'WELL', if 'you' have given me time to think about it, 'DID' it stop you sleeping with the 'a...hole' you fucked off with...'NO', so this made it more sweeter what I knew I was about to say to her.
I started with "Sue, I do love you, with all my heart I do, and I always will, you are engraved on my heart. There was a time that you were in my every thought, I would just sit and watch you doing something and think wow, she is mine", or I would be at work and think, I wonder how Sue is doing". Lol I know guy's 'mushy' bugger I am... What I said made her go red with embarressment, and she tipped her head towards the floor but at the same time she outstretched her hand and got hold of mine. She looked up after a few minutes and said to me "I didn't know, I mean, I knew you loved me and I loved you, but I never realised 'how deep' you loved me".
I then said to her "I DO LOVE YOU, and if this had been 2 or 3 years ago, then I would have moved you back in straight away, But Sue, I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, there is a difference!! The feelings you gave me, I NOW GET FROM KEREN, she is in my everyday thoughts, I know I am not living near her, BUT I am moving there to do this, YOU took away your love to someone else, NOT ME, I am not to blame for this YOU ARE. Our kids are grown up, I AM only a few hours more from them, 'we' have computers, and there is always the telephone to keep in touch, and on the plus side it is another holiday destination for them and the grandkids".
Well the tears welled up in her eyes and she grabbed my hand tighter, but I pulled them away, at that moment I 'felt' so so sorry for her, it was then that I realised that she still 'did' love me, maybe she 'regretted' doing what she done, or her 'affair' was going wrong I don't know, and to be perfectly honest, I DIDN'T CARE, that was the defining moment for me, this was when I knew I had moved on... After about an hour of pleading and begging (I do not like that word), and crying (on both sides) I held firm.
My final words when I opened the door to her was, "we'll always have 'our' good memories to think about".
On reflection, this thread has taught me, what no Psychiatrist could get through to me in years. I was 'stuck' in hopes and dreams and it was a 'habit' that I couldn't shake, so for that I thank each and everyone of you wholeheartedly. The lid is on the coffin and the final nail has gone in... What would be better living in a 'new relationship' with my ex or starting a 'new life' with Keren, well gents too be perfectly honest, there is no comparison, there is NO CHOICE to be made...
Thanks
Rob
