China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: Sylvain D on July 12, 2009, 12:50:06 pm
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Well..
as I know that my situation with Ting is really really "difficult" to understand (even for me, now), I would anyway have some comments...
Before going there, Ting said me she loved me, I was really smart and so on...
Ok it was nice from her to say it to me, and I was really happy...
Once there, in fact, Sirui (the translator) said me that in fact, there was a big difference between virtuality and reality.. Just because before, I was behind my computer, and that ,once in Chongqing, I was "face to face"... Ting seemed to be "upset" or "embarrassed".. Well.. I thought she didn't like me at all, in fact... :icon_confused:
I became really confused...
After one or two days, we took some pictures together.. we were really "closer" and most of the pictures taken showed she was smiling and seemed happy to be with me...
But when I talked to her about feelings, she showed nothing... just some smiles, just some "views" at me, but no "I like you", "i love you", "i miss you", "good flight" and so on...
:icon_arrow: is it chinese feelings :huh:
Once I left Chongqing, she said again that she missed me too much, she likes me...
but WTF?????
I'm a bit sad because sometimes, I like hearing those words... and most of the time, I was thinking that, for sure, I may did something that didn't please her and that could be a reason for her to not say me anything about her feelings...
I just remember, one night, before going eating, she gave me her hand (I then thought about kissing her hand, and then said myself that, no, she maybe just would have liked to "shake" my hand.. nothing else...)
I told her that, for us, in western countries (or most of it in fact), when we liked someone (or loved), we could hug that person in our arms... she then came and hugged me, and I was happy...
Believe it or not, but right now, I still don't know if she liked it...
One thing is sure : I was washed when I hugged her... :D
So, how can we really "understand" their feelings, if they don't show many of them? nor saying it?
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When I read your post I felt for you. I think when a person really likes you the body language says it all. From reading your post, it seems like Ting can't make up her mind and is sort of on the fence. For us to make a long and expensive journey to see one woman things cannot happen at the usual pace. These are unusual circumstances and you really want an answer after being with her. Most people can't afford to keep coming to China year after year based on iffy hopes.
I hate to say this but I think you should have backup ladies or move on. That's what I would do but I don't know your full situation so good luck!
Donald
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In fact I posted that thread just to have any comments for how to understand...
For sure I won't move over there without any "secure feelings"...
and about moving on for other ladies, that's almost done. just sent any letters but that is not really linked to that thread :)
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I havent met Xu Le in person yet so i don't know how or if she will open up to me. I know she says she does not know how to express her feelings for me. She told me she does not know what love is. So maybe she is fearful of telling her true feelings.
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Salut Sylvain, Ca va bien en France?
I can feel your confusion about all of this, i understand you completely. Many Chinese women do not show much emotions or feelings at first, they tend to step-back and observe the situation. Some will not show any feelings towards you if she feels you are not interested in long term relationship or do not have plans to one day marry. I am not saying she think you will marry her, but is she thinks you are the type of man seeking marriage and a commitment, then perhaps she will show more interest and show more feelings. Most Chinese females are not interested in males that do not have or show interest in marriage, at least in my experience. On average a Chinese women will not engage in any intimate or sexual behavior is there is no hope or possibility of marriage. I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS YOU OR YOUR SITUATION. I am simply trying to explain there way of thinking. I am now married to a Chinese women a believe me I still am learning about there way of thinking, and I do have some difficulties from time to time even now after almost a year of marriage, it is not easy. Like many marriages there are some bumps in the road along the way.
Everyday is a new discovery, sometimes good, sometimes not so good. curious, how long have you known this lady? has she ever mentioned the word marriage before? or you? Also I do not want to be the bearer of bad news, but the fact is some of these agencies write the EMF's letters, and not actually the ladies. She may have only received a few letters from you, so perhaps she really does not know that much about you to know what her feelings are at this point. The question is, how do you feel about her? does she seem to be the type of lady you like or want to be with? do you have things in common?
Long distance relationships are never easy, and yes, when you meet face to face it is totally different, I wish you all the best. My two cents.
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[attachment=298][attachment=299][attachment=300]Jo-Ma , that makes two of us . Somebody in Baoding loves me too . Min is her name and is one of my " Sister's " . Here is a Photo of her . If you happen to run into her , tell her I said Hello .
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Bob, t'es français?? :) sinon ça va bien en France, oui, hormis le temps bof mais bon ^^
(translation :Bob, you frenchie?? so,yes, in France, i'm fine, except the weather, not so good, but well... ^^
So...
I knew her in fact in January, 2008, I sent a cupid notes, she replied, and we talked together. Via EMF's.
She sent me many months later her QQ Id'. So we could talk a bit over there.
We have always talked about marriage, and even face to face with Ying (her "sister"), we talked again about it on Friday, the day before I had to leave Chongqing, to come back home...
It is difficult in fact to admit if yes or no she loves me "fully"... because it is not at all like in France and maybe as in other countries... no way to touch her because of respect and many other things, but she really seemed to like me... but she wasn't good in english and most of the time we used a translator, human one and not.
Well... in fact, she's beautiful, I'm sure that if I was better in chinese, I could make her laughing and so on, and it would also be a good thing. I'm not looking for wedding just to say "I'm married"! and divorcing a few weeks after.
But because of the situation of the chinese guy who's with her ... (I'd like to make some headshot, please give me a watermelon, I promise to not fail :D), it's really difficult... she says by letter she misses me and so on... but when I was there...i didn't hear those words.... that's why I am confused.
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Wow arnold she looks fab.
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Sylvain, Oui je parler Français, je suis moité Français, moité Anglais. ( Ma mére est Française, mon pére Anglais) Je habit a Montreal, Quebec. Oui, je le sais,,,, cèst ne pas le vrai français, ha ha. maudit Quebecois! :icon_cheesygrin: Excuse mes erreurs en ecriture. Je parle beaucoups mieux que je ecrire.
So, do you have any plans of returning to China in the near future? There is a Chinese guy with her!!!???? a boyfriend? Christ un balle dans sa tête, ha ha.:icon_biggrin: joke.
When did you visit China? and how long did you visit with her? Do you still communicate with each other?
Please keep us updated, A la prochaine, Salut.
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Bob, in fact it's a long story, that you can read at "Operation Chongqing". I was there in June, only one week. It's only there that I have heard about that ... chinese guy.. well, I'll moderate my words but I don't even think worthless about him.. (is my sentence correct?)
And yes, we still communicate with each other, but because of that situation, it seems too that recently, her mother forced her to marry the guy, and well.. it's not really good.. because the lady (Ting) didn't want but because of traditional parents, she couldn't do anything else..
Well, I've tried many things, as a letter, recently, for her mother... I'll more some news maybe tomorrow, I'll see..
And yes I plan to move in China again in September, for 2 weeks ;)
Oh, you're from Quebec? nice ! and what about U? will U move in China?
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Wow arnold she looks fab.
As I speak , she is still available (41 year's old ) If you or know anybody , I give you her ID # and also know our Translator's E-Mail . So it's all real . Very sweet Woman , never been Married and no kids .
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I would love to but i still find my self out of work its starting to do my head in grrrrrrr.Her eyes are like dark pools of water could get lost in them.
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Victor, why not going in China and look over there for any work, in fact?
except if you have any main point here that can not let you fly away...
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Sly no real chance there mate used what saveings i hade just to survive being out of work since end of jan really bad over in the uk at the mo.
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Well.. the same in France... most of us don't want to end their work or to leave it, just because no sure to find any other workjob quickly...
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Sorry to hear this Victor , here in Calif . it's getting so bad ... would just love to move to Shanghai . But I'm not Teaching English material . The Car repair Business is pretty lousy and of course nobody has any Money to maintain or fix there Car's unless they really have to . We see many People coming to our Shop asking for work . It's awful to see , especially with a Family to feed .
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Yes now what your saying sly.Arnold seems we have someting in common i repair cars allso but the body side of things you know fill paint cars,not sure if you have guys over there do the same thing as i did i was moble go to there house and do the spray jobs there loved meeting diffrent sorts of peeps miss all that oh well.Omg im sorry sly we are doing it agen did not mean to side track what you was saying m8 sorry ;)
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Wow arnold she looks fab.
As I speak , she is still available (41 year's old ) If you or know anybody , I give you her ID # and also know our Translator's E-Mail . So it's all real . Very sweet Woman , never been Married and no kids .
Me pick me Me Me Pick Me
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I just gonna think that my thread will finish to be as a Dating Agency over here :D
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now .. now Sly , have some feeling's here .:icon_cheesygrin:
You do get some of the benefit's , if it work's out .:angel:
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Arnold, ok.. if It works out, I wish you send me some crystal chopsticks, are you ok? ^^'
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For sure !!!
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Well.. if ever it would really work, I will stop playing with those chopsticks as it would be as any Majorette's Rods ^^
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Arnold, she looks pretty sweet for 41 yrs old. Might have to break my rule of no one under 36 for her. It's amazing isn't it. Everyday I have the most incredible experiences just riding the trains and buses to work. Just when you think you seen the most beautiful two more come strolling on the bus. They carry themselves with such class and dignity here too. Yeah, I'm never coming back.
China Shark Mike
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Mr C.Shark says he won't come back because he already knows that we'll move over there at any time :D
About the ladies and their age, for sure, we don't have the same in our countries... but in fact, YES we do have !!!
with lot of luxuary creams, for beauty, health and so on...
But once again, I prefer easily chinese women...
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Michael , I know what you mean . I have seen it myself in Shanghai and in Beijing , Hangzhou ... they seem to be all over the Country like Tea leaves on a Bush . Man ... how it help's to be a ONE Woman Man though . It's hard not to look , but to feel there is only ONE for me . You know that ! They might all look like Angel's , but as you found out yourself ... some are NOT . Do they have Morman's over there , become one and take a couple as your Wife . Hehe
Ps : Have I told you , I do not like Men though , that are only after a one night stand and on to the next one . Now these People make me indeed sick . I do see so many here in Public places where I live , that's all on their Mind . I wouldn't waste my Spit on them .
I'm glad most of us here know how to treat a Woman " RIGHT " .
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arnold I'm sure that there is 'no harm' in looking....It's the following through that I think would upset the ladies in our lives...Hehe
And I agree with you 110% on those who go for one night stands, however, it must alsobe remembered that there are 'those' ladies that will do the same?
Anyone who is on Chnlove.info I believe, know how to treat their ladies, and if they don't, they WILL LEARN very quickly, because I'm sure that if any of the brotherhood found out, they would be black-balled, just my thoughts....:icon_biggrin:
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Interesting post. This is what I am concerned about as well. My lady has told me several times that she is shy. She writes the most touching love letters and emails but will she be able to show those feelings in real life when I (hopefully) visit her? I cut off communcation with a number of ladies earlier who apparently could not even put their feelings in writing. Are women in China traditionally expected NOT to show their feelings? Is it considered bad for them to do so or what is the problem?
I've learned one thing: Chinese ladies (at least the younger ones) are not comfortable talking freely about sex. And I'm from the (supposed to be) sexually liberated country of Sweden...! We've talked about it, though. But I would not dare to write any sexual things to her or describe exactly what thinking of her does to me besides touching my heart... :blush: All we can do before we meet them in real life is hope that those words will translate into real feelings there and then.
Undertanding women in the West is hard enough. We are in for a challenge, guys!
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Well Sylvain, I would love to give you te right answer, but I can't. I just can tell what I would do. In the end it is up to you to decide what's right for you. I think you have shown very much patience, I am very impressed. If it would have been me, I would probably have dropped Ting after the experience you had. But on the other hand, you met her and you should know your feelings! Have you ever thought of that she might not has the courage to tell you, that you are not the right one? Many things might be said in her best meaning, she might not want to hurt you. Maybe I am a little hard, I am sorry if it seems so. But this are just my some of my thoughts.
Hans: Chinese do not talk open about sexuality like we are used to. I live in Denmark and know what you talk about. Chinese have a very symbolic language when it comes to such issues. My experience is, that the ladies become upset when you talk about it directly. I believe that when you meet and you have the right feelings for each other everything will come by itself.
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The problem is here, in fact.
She says she'd like to divorce, but I don't know some of her chinese sentences, I can't translate correctly...
I think she needs a "real" argument to divorce from her husband.
Please read "Operation Chongqing", updated earlier.
She also wrote it : "????" today, on QQ.
So... how do you want me to understand that she doesn't love me.. *sick*
'also seems like her parents would like to see me later... she wrote it.
"later".. well.. when???
that's hard and difficult...
However I have fixed a date and an issue for our relation...
By now, I don't know what to think.. I know we have some difficulties to speak correctly in chinese, because mine is very poor, as her english..
well...
maybe next time I will try to talk on QQ with any chopsticks.. :D
*sad joke*
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I use this online translator when I don´t recognise some characters. It works fairly well. You get the translation character for character but it certainly helps to get the meaning of it right. Just copy and paste.
http://usa.mdbg.net/chindict/chindict.php?page=translate
Good luck with it all, Sylvain.
Chinese do not talk open about sexuality like we are used to. I live in Denmark and know what you talk about. Chinese have a very symbolic language when it comes to such issues. My experience is, that the ladies become upset when you talk about it directly. I believe that when you meet and you have the right feelings for each other everything will come by itself.
Thanks Hajo. I understand what you mean and I really hope things will work out that way too. It's just that I'm so used to discuss things and find a solution through an open and frank discussion. My lady seem to agree that this is the way to go. Except when it comes to sex, apparently...
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Thanks for the weblink, Hans.
Well, that will just help a bit to understand some of Ting's sentences.
Even if I know what is at the end of the road.
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I've learned one thing: Chinese ladies (at least the younger ones) are not comfortable talking freely about sex. And I'm from the (supposed to be) sexually liberated country of Sweden...! We've talked about it, though. But I would not dare to write any sexual things to her or describe exactly what thinking of her does to me besides touching my heart... :blush: All we can do before we meet them in real life is hope that those words will translate into real feelings there and then.
Undertanding women in the West is hard enough. We are in for a challenge, guys!
I wouldn't be too sure about that, I had a 26yo girl from Guandong contact me on Skype a couple of years ago she had good english and the conversation eventually got around to the fact that she was a virgin but wanted to know EVERYTHING about sex, it's all she talked about & said her and her friends talked about it all the time too, it got to the stage she wanted pics of my old fella.....yes I sent them lol. I lost contact after a while (ended up banning her because she became a pain) and caught up with her a couple of weeks ago, she is married now and about to drop a baby so they are certainly not all little angles. Even the one I'm talking to now drops the odd hint about having a bit of fun wink wink.
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I wouldn't be too sure about that, I had a 26yo girl from Guandong contact me on Skype a couple of years ago she had good english and the conversation eventually got around to the fact that she was a virgin but wanted to know EVERYTHING about sex, it's all she talked about & said her and her friends talked about it all the time too, it got to the stage she wanted pics of my old fella.....yes I sent them lol. I lost contact after a while (ended up banning her because she became a pain) and caught up with her a couple of weeks ago, she is married now and about to drop a baby so they are certainly not all little angles. Even the one I'm talking to now drops the odd hint about having a bit of fun wink wink.
Well, maybe I've been unlucky. I could be wrong but for now my impression is that those girls you mention are a minority among Chinese women. At least in the talking-over-the-Internet-phase. What happens after the meeting IRL is another matter. I haven't got to that one yet.