China Romance
All About China => Your trip to China => Topic started by: Chad on May 18, 2009, 05:42:37 am
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Well to start off I have been in Chengdu for a little over a week. I was met at the airport by my friend Ying and we got along great. So I asked her to marry me last monday and she said yes. It took until thursday to get paperwork from the American Embassy in order to get married. So we got married. This is the hard part to write here but I guess I will, what have I to lose. Four years ago I had prostate surgery to have it removed since it was full of cancer. Needless to say a side effect sometimes is ED. And of course it chose me to side effect. I had written Ying about the surgery and she was fine with it. Well I did not bring any kind of medicene because I felt if she seen the medicine she would assume I was here for sex. And I thought it was worth taking the chance that things just might work. Neeless to say things didnt work. So we were married on thursday and divorced today, Monday.
I suppose I am writing this just to let everyone know that she is a real person and even though some stuff I wrote seems to be overlooked if she was serios enough to marry me she was indeed serious to me. You should have seen how happy she was when we married. It's just another sign that the realtionship was real just as she was.
My flight out isn't until next monday so I don't really know what I am going to do. Maybe try to leave earlier I think.
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Chad,
It took a lot of guts to tell the rest of us guys your situation. I feeel bad it had to end so abruptly for you. I am still unclear to why it couldn't work though, no pun intended. Was it because of ED and she needed the physical part of the relationship also. If it was me I would have tried a few more avenues before I got divorced. Hell, I fought tooth and nail to hold onto my first Chinese wife but to no avail she just wanted out. So I can sympathize and relate on that issue. Keep the faith brother there are plenty for all of us here. I officially broke it off with Mei last night after I moved out of her place two nights ago. Not worried because there are so many incredible women here. If you want you could travel down to Shenzhen and we could hang and find you a new girl. Thanks for the story for the newbies on the fence on this thing.
China Shark Mike
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I just got off the phone with the transolator girl asking her if we all could meet tommorrow to talk again. She says she will call Ying and see what she says. The transolator feels that Ying feels I lied to her about the ED thing. And yes Ying said that sex is very important in a marriage and she does not want me taking medicine to fix it. I told the transolator that men take it all the time. Maybe not here but in US they do. Look at all the adds on TV. I can not be the only unlucky in love guy.
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I thought the default answer was to blame Chong, NOT blame ED! Sheeesh. hehe.
Serously Chad. I'm sorry to read this. I wonder if back when you told her about your condition that maybe she either misunderstood what it actually was or glanced over it without really paying attention to it. I know my wife has questioned me about things I had told her in the past and her reaction is like I never mentioned it before. I 'm not sure why this is but it sounds like if she had been more aware of it during the letters, maybe she'd have discussed it in more detail or offered some opinions about it.
I sure hope things work out. I hate to think of the time spent building a relationship can so easily be derailed by something that's fairly standard these days to overcome with special meds. I can only hope she reconsiders and puts more value in the relationship and work through the diffeculties.
Best wishes for you Chad. Our thoughts are with ya.
ED
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Chad, I am saddened by hearing this and a little disappointed in you too. Much like Mike and Ed said, Why didn't you clarify this with her before getting married? or at least while you were? Why I'm disappointed in you? Because you seem to think less of yourself then you are. Just agreeing to get un-married without even putting up a fight? If it was such a problem for her why didn't she come up with a non-drug solution? They must have some kind of herbs related fix as most of Asia does. I don't understand what happen? You married and you both didn't give it a chance.
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Hi mate I'm not married to my lady yet, but I have to agree with Vince, seems to me like you didn't give it a go, or want too........She would not have married you if she did not FEEL something towards you, get in touch brother.......;) I have angina so cannot lift any sort of heavy'ish weight, or do many things that are TOO hard, when I am there (November) my medication will be getting exchanged to herbal, which I know my lady will help me with....
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Chad , what can I say .. that hasn't been say'd already .
Very sad day for the brotherhood . Another misunderstanding ( language Barrier ) and not given the chance to make it work .
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Chad It sounds like this can be worked out.Get you the translater and your women together.It sounds like she didn't understand what was said or what was going on.
Give it a try
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I heard back from the transolator after she called Ying and Ying told her she would not meet with me and a transolator, the transolator said I should go home to my country and get on with my life. That was really helpful of her. I wrote Ying a letter on her email address and I sent one through chnlove as well. As soon as I proposed her profile disapeared from chnlove but the letter went through so we will see.
I hate to admit it but you guys are right I should have held my ground at least for a day or so and then discuss it more but I saw as soon as I seen her this morning something was wrong. She took her daughter home last night and was supposed to be back later that night but she never showed up or even called. She had the transolator call me this morning around 9:30 to tell me she was going to be here around 1:00 but she called me at 11:30 and said she was here. I was out walking at the time so I told her I would be a few minutes. When I got here she was taking a shower which I thought was very odd. The transolator told me later Ying had been home crying all night. So that has me confused as well.
I will see what tommorrow brings for me.
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Chad you need to grab this bull by the horns quick before it is too late. If she didn't care she wouldn't have been shedding tears over you last night. Also, not to sound like a pig yet there are numerous ways of pleasing a woman even with your current medical issues. There are so many things to do other than intercourse than would make her achieve her precious orgasms. I have to say I am a little surprised at her attitude towards sex to be quite honest. Also, who is to say you need to divulge to her you are taking the meds in the first place. Chinese people view western medicine with scorn and consider us weak for relying on drugs that actually work as opposed to thier ineffectual snake oil herbal medicines that for the most part do not work at all. It is a cultural difference that I feel you should have never brought up because of the misinformation most Chinese have about effective drugs from the west. Chinese are stubborn and generally are very stubborn about letting go of thier old wives tales because they have been around for 5,000 years. Keep your meds under wraps so to speak and I think there is a possibilty of maybe working it out with her. Whatever happens we're all routing for you.
Good Luck Brother
China Shark Mike
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Chad, what a tale. We are all 100% you here buddy.
i cant help but feel there is some kind of misunderstanding going on here with her, its definitely work fighting for or you'll be left with a bunch of "what if I's?" running though your head when you get home.
Do what you can do when you are there to at least meet up with er again and at least you can go home knowing you didnt let go without a fight and can have no regrets.
Whatever the outcome, the brotherhood has your back here.
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I have to agree that there are some misunderstandings going on. Shark is right about their feelings about western medicine. Angel and I were talking about this very thing. I jokingly(sort of) said i would need some Viagra on our honeymoon. She got very serious and said that she knew what it was and it was very bad for you. Now she is a Nurse with over 20 years experience and she believes that. Can you imagine what a non-medical woman can think? To her it could be like you are taking drugs, amphetamines or some such nonsense. Excuse me but I cant believe you would go there without it on your honeymoon. It was like you were going there asking for trouble. If you thought that your love was so "pure" that you could get along without it. You learned a valuable lesson. I dont know your circumstances, but if I were you, I would have someone I know get it for me and send it by SR71 or the fastest way I could. Prove to her you can function with it. Hell man if I were you I would take it and when you are talking stand up and pull it out hard. Convince her. Her going home and crying all night then taking a shower in your hotel when you were supposed to be coming home "might" mean that she was wanting to be convinced you could. Now I am not talking about force here in any way shape or form. But be firm (no pun intended) and show her what you can do. She is probably scared. I would not want to get into a brand new marriage with someone who could not have sex with me. At least not someone i have just been corresponding with. She told you that sex was important to her. NO matter what, we will help all that we can. Write letters or whatever we can do.
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All the advice you guys gave me was real good and it all even made sense. But its like a monday morning quarter back. I have tried all day texting her and calling her and no answer. I even went as low as going to the chnlove office and asking them for help. They tried to call her as well but her phone was off. They said they would write her a letter and that was all they could do. They asked if I wanted to try another lady and I said no. So I re booked my flight and I am leaving the first thing in the morning. Thanks for all the kinds words.
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All I can say is WOW! Unbelievable. I am so so sorry to hear about this. I really don't know what else to say, that hasn't already been said. I am sorry Chad.
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I am sorry to hear what happened Chad. Best of Luck to you!
David
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I don't know if he will read this until he gets back, but I can't help but feel there is more to this then told. Maybe he doesn't know yet but I can't see it being that important that there isn't some kind of compromise? I hope he gives us some answers?
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You know what they say about falling off of a horse. You need to get right back on. I am sure you felt crushed. Any one of us would. But you need to get right back into it. No matter if it is a Chinese woman or not. I can understand your not wanting to try another woman there so fast. But give it a week or two and get up dust yourself off and try again. You had a bad experience so treat it like that. An experience. Learn from it and go on.
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Guy's , you know that will hurt Chad for a long time . I can only imagine what and how he feel's now . This will be a huge blow to his confidence . We must not fool ourself's here .
Jim , I know you mean well , but I really think he needs to be with Family , friends ... who can make him forget this first , to ever get back on that Horse and see another Woman for a while . Pills , is not the only answer here . Viagra is NOTHING if your Soul and Heart are not there .
Of course I would like him to get over it fast , but Chad ... you take as much time as you need ... buddy .
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I agree with Arnold...and Chad, we are all here for you. You want to get stuff off you chest, we are all here to listen, and throw our two cents in.
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Chad as arnold said mate, take your time, you will need that to get over it.
Aand as for the rest..., yes mate.... we are all here for you
Good luck mate
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Well guys I got home late last night. Of course my luggage is still in Chicago but who needs that stuff anyway. When the plane was ready to board in Shangai they said they had to disinfect it. So that took an hour so by the time I got to Chicago I just made it on the plane in time. Hopefully my bags will show up soon.
You know all the way home all I could do is kick myself but it was to late to do anything. I think I may have narrowed down another reason, maybe. Well not really another reason but. When Ying and I were talking about the prostate operation my transolator thing would not transolate the word so she used hers. And until the flight back where I had all the time in the world to simmer, I had forgot that her machine transolated prostate cancer to the word diesase. What a diference. So if she was thinking I had a diesase then I kind of see her point. Although I am sorry that she would not even talk about it with me before she came to her own conclusion.
But one thing I do want to add is that she never, never asked for anything from me while we were together like money or anything else. I paid for all the meals but that dosn't count. I tried nemerous times to buy her things or things for her daughter and she always said no. So to me she was not after anything but love. So that makes me feel that she was indeed for real. I really do hope the very best for her.
Up until the time she wanted a divorce it was so good. So I do have a lot of good memories from my visit but they are definatly over shadowed by the ending.
The last day there I spent just walking the streets. I even walked by a drug store that advertised Vigra, imagine that. I was determined to never to try it again. But you know there is something mysterios about the place that draws you in. So I will give it some time to lick my wounds and then I will probably try it again. I have learned a lot from this trip. So hopefully the next one will be the one.
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I think you got the right attitude Chad. Coming away from this with a new understanding will likely prevent any misunderstandings about this going forward and likely you'll find the proper translation for this and bring it up early to weed out the herd.
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Chad are you still interested in her? I have a translator that will do a really good and precise translation and you can send the letter smail or if you have her e mail then by that route.
Tell me if you want to do this
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Gautam, I appreacite your offer but she spoke enough english to be able to understand what the letters say and she has a friend who speaks real good english so if she wanted to she would have wrote back. It just didn't work for me and I just have to let time take care of my thoughts.