China Romance
All About China => Share your love story => Topic started by: Arnold on October 17, 2011, 02:20:14 pm
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Ones again , for the ones that are already Married to a Chinese Woman and for the Newbies to see how little it takes sometimes .. to push you to go this Route for the " Perfect " Spouse .
This is my Start ...
Why did I select a chinese Woman , to be my Wife ?
I know , I am not the only one too have ask that question , in the past . Why choose a Woman that lives halfway around the World , when there are plenty in my Hometown or a lot closer ? I , to start , have alway's liked the Chinese Culture and their very old and very interesting History , that stretches over many thousand of year's . So was alway's fascinated , whatever had to do with China , as a Child and now as an Adult . I never like our own ( german ) history , except the time when all those Castle's were build and their great story's , which of course some were very bloody then , but that was my biggest interest , when all those Knight's roamed the Countryside . World War I & World War II , was a very dark period in Germany and I really did not want to be part of it or to know much about it . Anyhow , back to why I wanted to choose a chinese Woman as a Wife . Actually , it was just a Dream that I had at first , what would it be like ? To really be married to such a beautiful Woman ? By that , I mean ... they are all so beautiful in their appearance , alway's that beautiful long black Hair and of course one must mention those gorgeous and intriqueing Eyes , that can almost hypnotize you and leave you speachless . So how did this dream turn into reality ? This is where Fate / Destiny comes in , like with a big boom one day , and behold , what comes on my TV screen ? Watching PBS , which is one of the Channel's I watch the most , I see the 12 Girl's Band's concert from Shanghai , right from below the Oriental Pearl Tower . Now , not only did the night scene of Shanghai , blow me away , but the Music of those Girl's was just to much to fill my Heart . Listening to these wonderful , most beautiful Women , playing their traditional chinese instrument's , I could do no less , then get a roundtrip Ticket to Shanghai , just two weeks after that concert . Mind you , that trip was in Honor of my first Wife , that passed away from Cancer . Those Ticket's were for May 6th '08 , which would have been our 30 th Anniversary . So , at that moment , I have not heared one work about Chnlove yet . This is when Fate / Destiny took over my Life so to speak and I followed it like a little Kid following his/her Mom , wherever she goes . At this time all I could think off , was how beautiful and talented those 12Girl's ( 13 actually ) were , that left me dreaming and picking two or three that I really had a crush on , like a teenager on his first Girl . That very moment , I decided and made up my Mind , that I would want a chinese Woman as my next Wife . Little did I know , that Fate was going to bring me to Qing eventually . Realizing , after getting to know Her really well , that these Women , are not just gorgeous on the outside , but even more beautiful on the inside . As a Man , that was just month's earlier moarning the loss of a equally wonderful Woman , I could not retain myself and wanted to just go out and scream how much I love that Woman , that I have met over the Internet . I could have kissed my Computer for what it had done for me . It opened up my Heart to a new Life , with the MOST lovely , nicest , warmhearted , soft voiced , brilliantly smart ( tri langual ) , tall and now my Wife / Lao Po / Tai Tai , my Shanghai Flower .
A chinese Wife , I would not want it any other way .
" Thank you Sweetheart , for making my Dream become a reality . "^_^"
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Why did I select a Chinese Woman , to be my Wife ?
First off I want to admit that I'm NO prize. I am 46 years old -take care of my elderly father and uncle and have a handicapped daughter-(she is 20 years old with a cognitive age of 9.) Try selling that package to a American lady-"hey hook up with me and you to can be a parent for life" They will run so fast your head will spin.
So the Chinese practice and belief of filial piety swayed me heavily. The same devotion to family that labels me a loser here at home - brings me praise and title of dutiful son by my sweet LaoPo.
The second attractor was their humility.
No matter how often I tell my Ping how good or beautiful I think she is, she will always answer me by saying "no I am just so-so". Now I admitted earlier that I'm no prize, but please American fathers, quit calling your daughters(some of which weigh 200-250lbs) your little princesses. First off there's nothing "Little" about them and the princess part seems to go to their heads.
I should also mention that I'm also of German(Prussian) descent and my favorite channel is also P.B.S. .....so who knows ??
Arnold please find attached 2 photos of a German Rail gun circa 1909 in Nanning -Seems the Germans loved China and called her a child that could not feed itself.
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Those very great stories and a very good reason why I am going in the same direction. I'm hoping to visit China next year in either April or May and I'm hoping I have the same success as the both of you.
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Well...here is my little story as to why I have a Chinese wife......
Right up to my teenage years, I lived a wonderful life with my family in Singapore. This was a magic and mysterious place in "them old days" ;D ;D
At this time I was fully immersed in Asian culture...learned some Chinese/Malay/Indian language, had many local friends, learned to enjoy all Oriental food, eat with chopsticks...the whole nine yards !!!
But life moves on, went back to UK, graduated got a job, got married and migrated to Aus......
When my long term marriage finally disintegrated I went back into the dating scene (as you do !!) and there hit the wall....
I have done fairly Ok for myself over the years in Aus, got a great Business, beautiful home, flash German sports car, some money in the Bank, yadda, yadda....
It became very clear to me that I would likely end up as a glorified meal ticket for the predators I was encountering in my quest for a Partner here...with the Aus property and asset Laws, any Woman I met only had to live with me for 1 year and then could dump me and get half my total assets. I got very paranoid about all this, I could not get past the potential for disaster that Modern Aus Women were likely to present over time............and they are all so fat too !!!!! ( :-[ :-[)
In fact, I got very depressed about it all and more or less decided to stay single for the rest of my life...safer that way, and besides, I have an interesting life, some enjoyable hobbies and many great friends and 2 wonderful daughters and my 3 grandkids...why worry about another Woman and bugger all that up ????
About 3 years ago, my Sister in UK found an envelope tucked away somewhere that contained many, many old photos of our time as a family in Singapore........when I got them, many happy memories flooded back and I had a flash of inspiration...why not look for a Chinese wife...they are renown for their feminine qualities, love of family etc etc etc ...and I also had some first hand knowlege about this from my early days.
To cut this story short...I jumped on the net, found CHNLove, got burned, found this Forum, got straitened out....and as they say, the rest is history.
I am SO delighted that fate/circumstance/or whatever led me down this path....I never felt I could be this happy again...thanks to MY Chinese Princess.
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In March of 2006 I was cruising the enternet.I was having problems deciding where I wanted to go on vacation.I had already ben to Tiawan and Thailand.So I was looking at maybe Hong Kong,Or Okinawa.I Had met a girl From Okinawa.In the airport outside of Bangkok.And she told me to come visit her.She gave me her phone number.And her address.
So I'm cruising the net looking at hotels in Okinawa.And looking for some information about Okinawa.I run across this dating site Chnlove.I go to look at the pictures of the pretty girls.But the web site won't let me look.without being registered.I registered put my picture up.Filled in all the required information.Then started looking at the profiles of the girls.I probably spent a half hour looking at the girls.Then I went back to looking for hotels and more information about Okinawa.
The next day my wife's translater sent me a letter.It said that he had a woman who he thought mite be interested in meeting me.So I started writing to the woman.We wrote back and forth for about 2 months.Then I bought a plane ticket.And made reservations at a hotel in Zhuhai China.She met me at the ferry terminal in Zhuhai.We spent the next 15 days together.
When I returned to the states we started emailing each other every day.And did web cams once a day.In August of 2006 I went back to China.And we had a wedding party.I stayed for 15 days.After I went back to the states.I would return to China Every couple of months.Usually staying 12 to 15 days.Until my wife received her visa in March of 2007.In March of 2007 we flew to the United States together.
On April 19 2007 Me and my wife had another wedding party in the Untied states. in Dec of 2007 are first son was born.In January of 2010 are second son was born.At this point and time.I don't ever think of my wife as being Chinese.Yeah I know she speaks English with a funny accent.And she eats some strange food.And has some strange customs and habits.But it is what makes her the person she is.She is a good wife.And a great mother.She is my best friend.So I think I will keep this one.
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Great thread Arnold. I have had many friends ask me the same question. Why go so far to try and find a partner.
When I was a kid in primary school, I befriended a Chinese girl. I had a crush on her all the way through high school. I eventually did ask her out, but she told me she already had a boyfriend.
To cut a long story short, about 18 months ago I was living in a secluded shack in the country, with plenty of time on my hands and luckily, a computer. Thus began my beautiful obsession with Chinese women. I too tried the local scene, but did not measure up to womens expectations. I had spent about 18 months looking online, and the prospects did not seem attractive to me. I live in a small country town and the pickings are not great. Maybe the women would say the same about me, but I am not afraid of a challenge to find a good woman overseas.
I then came across Cnlove. I was like a kid in a candy store.
I can say without a doubt, that to me, Asian women are the most attractive females on the planet. And Chinese women are also intelligent. I also find Chinese culture and history fascinating. I am amazed at the upheavals and
turbulence that the Chinese have been through as a nation.
Anyway, my story is not over in terms of finding a partner. I will have to post soon to let you guys know about my second trip to China.
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I was at school doing my electrician apprenticeship. It was early February, and I was single, bored and lonely. I was surfing facebook and an ad popped up with a picture of a beautiful Chinese lady. I started out with Chnlove. I added a few pretty ladies to my favorites, but the one I wanted, I was sure was too pretty for a guy like me. A while later, that girl sent me a message. (Now we all know that adding them to our favorites lets the agencies know who we're interested in).
After 6 months, I went to China to meet her. After a few days it was obvious she really knew very little about me, and the 6 months of love letters we had written (and paid through the nose for), she had no clue about. We had to get to know each other all over again. Well, I was stupid and fell in love, way over my head. Unfortunately, she didn't. Needless to say, it didn't work out.
I tried a few more times, with a little success, but in the end I gave up looking for a Chinese wife. I kept QQ, and I'm still friends with my first Chnlove contact. I moved on, decided to buy a car since I won't be needing to save money for a Chinese wife.
Meanwhile, I met a lady on QQ. We were just friends for months, then one day she found my profile on one of the dating sites. We got a good laugh about that, then an idea crept into our heads. I had put away money for a trip. I had time left on my Chinese Visa. Why not go visit her? We spent a week together in Xiamen, a few hours from her home town. I met her cousins and nieces. We had a wonderful time together. She was amazing. She is everything I always wanted. We fell in love that week.
We got married the next trip, during spring festival, after meeting her parents and family.
As for why Chinese? Maybe this makes no sense, now that I actually know about Chinese women, but when I thought about the things I wanted in a woman (strong values and morals, true femininity, maybe a little traditional when it comes to family life), I realized that women in Canada with those traits are either already married or deeply religious. I'm not a deeply religious person. Obviously I have beliefs, but I couldn't justify going to Church to meet women.
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Once upon a time Willy lived in a land far far away…………….! Well it sounds like a fairy tale.
I have in fact lived in many lands. If I was to count them I would probably find the number was between 35 – 40 different countries. And of these I actually lived for several months in West Africa (Nigeria and Ghana) and also India following the old hippy trail.
For more than 30 years I was able to do and go where I liked. Women, yes I met women but I was a confirmed bachelor with need for travelling. I think there must have been gypsy in my blood because the actual travelling was to me more exciting that actually being in some of these places with the exception of maybe Egypt and Las Vegas and I flew to both many times.
Then my friends, especially the female ones, started to harp on that at my age I should have a permanent women in my life. They said I should be more active in my searches. But how much more active could I be? Besides the women that I met on my travels I also met a diverse number in the London. Turks, Latvians, Brazillians, Litunanians, Greeks, Africans, Indians and so on.
Then in early 2009 I was at the laptop when I just had a thought come into my head. ’Why not go and see one place you have never visited so far.
Of course it was China. But whereas usually I would decide on a location and leave as soon as possible on this occasion I was not in any hurry to go. Then as always my thoughts turned to women and the only way to see ‘what was on offer’ was to visit the various dating sites. Hence Chnlove came into my life.
Their cost did not concern me as I had this trait that if I wanted something the cost did not matter. But unlike many of you I found Chnlove cheap as I only ever spent 50 USD with them and I still had one credit remaining from that when they brought in the expiry period!
As a randy 60 year old I went through the site and like others made a short list of some 300 odd women that I fancied that I could tango with. Then feeling that I might be overdoing it a bit at my age I started to prune. I started to inject many criteria but that did not chop it by many. So having done a lot of travelling I decided on ease of travel as the main point but even though that gave me quite a list. I made the travelling criteria that as London to Hong Kong is the route with numerous planes every day then being close to Hong Kong was my criteria.
In the end this left me with Zhuhai as it was just a ferry ride from Hong Kong direct from the airport. And from what started as a long list I ended up with three women. I ranked them and decided to start conversation with one then if that failed I would move one to the next.
Even after a just a couple of EMF’s I had the first one’s own email and telephone and from then one we would chat every day. I would point out that even before I started the chatting I had already booked a return flight and hotel having decided to go to China for 6 weeks.
Well my arrival in China has been well documented here. The women that I had come to see was beautiful. That is that she was 20 odd years before when the photo’s were taken and before the photo shopping got a few more of my hormones racing. It took just a few days for us to realise that we would not make a match. So we parted as friends and still are.
But at that time I decided to stay. Took an apartment in Zhuhai and from then on I was on cloud 9 and ‘V’. So before I started this journey I had never given China any thought at all. My Dad was here with the British Army when he was a lad before WW2 – but the thoughts that I may be messing with a ‘long lost relative’ never crossed my mind. Even though they say ‘like Father Like Son’ well in my case it was!
My euphoria in Zhuhai stayed that way until I ventured across to Zhongshan some months later where I met the women who really stole my heart. So much so I gave up the apartment in Zhuhai and rented another in Zhongshan.
I have never looked back since. And we married in January 2010 This is the longest that I have ever lived with a woman, apart from my mother a sisters. (And I left there for an independent life when I was just 16).
I never knew just what it was like to be treated the way I am today. Nothing is too much trouble for her to do for me. We have our own home and I am probably now at my real true happiest state that I have ever known.
My advice is the same as Nike’s ‘Just Do It”.
Willy
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Once upon a time Willy lived in a land far far away…………….! Well it sounds like a fairy tale.
As a randy 60 year old I went through the site and like others made a short list of some 300 odd women..
My advice is the same as Nike’s ‘Just Do It”.
Willy
300 Women? This is Madness.....OOps I forgot This iS PART A Fairy tale.
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I'm not married yet hehe... But I think it will not take too long, a year maybe if things continue as they are now...
But I have always liked Asian culture and people. Mostly the Japanese in my teens... Cartoons... Comics hehe... And of course I loved to play around with computers, programs etc IT stuff (many nerds like Asians hehe, wonder why)... I had planned to visit Japan. But due to mishaps it never happened luckily or I would not have found China.
Then time goes on, I found CHNlove a year ago... I try it out and spend too much money. Abandon it. But spending some time with it, got me to study them Chinese more, their culture, language. And I slowly began to like China more and more... I also got QQ, to try it out.
Then one day a girl that is studying Finnish adds me on QQ. Wanting to language trade (she could barely speak English, and even less Finnish at this time...). I say sure, its mostly her studying and learning. I did not put that much effort in to studying Chinese... She learnt basic Finnish conversation skills really fast. My help and her lessons at her school. Then we talk and talk and I feel like I want to meet her and probably like her. I went and met her. But things did not work out. During my stay with her, I was introduced to a friend of hers who is also studying Finnish... With her we hit it off. She made me feel special and happy. There was another of other great option as well. But she felt more like a party girl, not so stable. Great to spend time with but not someone I would necessarily feel safe in a relationship with... This another girl, she felt stable and safe and has good characteristics otherwise also. Lately I have realized I was looking for about the same in a relationship as a normal Chinese girl would... Safety, love, closeness...
Now we have talked and phoned every day. Use web camera, send pictures... And are meeting again in a few months. And I feel I know her decently. And that she knows me. Now we can trust each others very well.
It is quite a lot of work in progress because of the cultural differences and some degree of language barrier. I or she often say something which then is offensive to the other person. And some small quarrels before we clear it out being cultural misunderstanding or language misunderstanding... And the more this happens, the less serious it becomes as we learn more and more... As example she used to try to cheer my by "blackmailing me", but I told her thats not the way to do it... Then she changed tactics into what I said that she should do, for it to work... Now its great.
She has a unique character. She is open but still shy. She does not mind too much if I'm ugly, but it is her goal to make me look David Beckham in a short time... So she can proudly show me off haha... Her friends always say that I am handsome in the pictures, but the pictures somehow always hide my stomach ;D
I've never been a playboy or never wanted to be one. I never put too much effort into finding a girl either. Figured one day it will just happen... Like it did. I did go to China to explore options, to see, experience and understand. I am a easygoing guy with a open mind towards everything but still a little bit shy. So at China, when drinking/going to KTV(many times a week) it was often like 3-6 girls... me and sometimes a boy or a few... Many of them thought that I am some kind of a playboy, not serious relationship material. Because of the cultural differences and me being even more talkative/open if I get some beer. Even though I never did anything to them, just the way I talked I think. (and the general opinion about foreign guys... They think that every foreigner is there to get 1 night stands, leave and never return), I wonder why they feel this way?
But without that I would never have managed to tell this one girl I spent a lot of time with, that I like her... And then she told me she likes me too... And we are in a long distance relationship now... But I am more happy with her at the moment, than any other girl previously.
The Chinese culture is very interesting and complex. I wish to learn it better. I wish to learn her language... So I can talk to her friends and family... I think I will never get bored with her. Every day something new or special will happen that I was not aware of previously.
I wish to live at China, but still enjoy the stable and good benefits of Finland... I think that I would have quit my job and go to study to China... Get a job there... Unless I had found this girl. She will get a trainee job position next year at Finland. So we agreed to wait for that. And me just visiting her during the longer holidays until that happens, she gets to come here.
But thats how much I fell in love with China on my first visit there. Friends friends friends, with whom we only had a couple of words we could speak and understand. Still we could understand each others well and speak a lot. There was this one guy even who was extremely excited after I managed to explain her that my aunt is a professional dog trainer, and that she has won many competitions. He then wants to meet my master aunt... Afterwards always I wonder how did we manage to communicate that much... Now thinking: some beer and a phone translator... Wow...
But its the excitemend and sense of security that feels great. Also not knowing where I will end up. But I am confident I will survive and be happy ever after.
I wonder how did I end up writing a really unorganized post like this...
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For me it all started in June of 1999. I had spent two years at a startup company designing a hard drive that would be manufactured off shore. Toward the Middle of 1999 it was decided that the factory would be built in Shenzhen China. Up until that point I had very little knowledge of China and even less interest in going there. I never liked Chinese women , at least the ones that I was exposed to in the USA. Bitchy pushy rude short people with fat round faces and loud squeaky voices. Not my type at all. The only Asian women that attracted my attention in the slightest were from Korea or Singapore.
So the design was done, the product ready for mass production. It was time to go to China and crank up the factory. I had visions in my head of what I would see from the train as it traveled from Hong Kong to Shenzhen. Old men and women in straw hats working in the rice paddies and walking behind a plow pulled by a water buffalo. Seriously that was what I expected to see. I was so ignorant back then. Imagine my surprise to see the horizon filled with gleaming skyscrapers. It was amazing.
Starting up the factory was exhausting work. Up at 6:30 every morning and returning to the hotel after 7 every evening. By the time everyone gathered for dinner and returned back to the hotel it was time for bed. We were dead tired every night and what made it worse was our translators (Malaysian guys) liked to drink and play cards and by the time they brought us back home there was just enough time to shower and fall into the bed.
We had chartered a bus and driver to take us back and forth between the hotel and the factory. You didn’t want to miss that bus because damned few people in Shenzhen spoke English and even fewer were concerned about your safe transit back to your hotel. Shenzhen was a frontier city full of criminal activity. We traveled as a pack. We ate together, KTV together, everything together with our translators in tow. To me it was so foreign. The food, the strange smells the noise and the language. Most everyone there spoke Cantonese. I think Cantonese it a harsh language. It is loud and annoying but I guess that is just the way it is and the way it must be spoken.
One day I was collapsed in the bus waiting for a few of the others so we could go to the hotel. Slouched in my seat with my eyes closed I heard over the stereo system the most beautiful voice singing a song in Mandarin. Everyone else heard it too and we all sat up to listen. It was such a pleasure to hear after listening to the Chinese yelling at each other all day. We are all asking the driver, who is that? We want to buy that tape. I and everyone else was in love with the voice singing that song. It was angelic. He told us her name but it didn’t translate well. Luckily she also has a more English name. She is from Taiwan. This is her. “Valen Hsu”
http://youtu.be/bZOYNQ1bIQY (http://youtu.be/bZOYNQ1bIQY)
http://youtu.be/DJbo6zMiSXI (http://youtu.be/DJbo6zMiSXI)
I researched her and found a store with her CDs I bought one of everything they had in stock. That was the turning point. My eyes and my mind was opened to the beauty of Chinese women.
Sorry this is taking so long but this is bring back a lot of memories of my history and why I am in China this minute. I will try to go a little faster now. Our factory duty was for 30 days at a stretch. Then go home for 30 days and back to China. It never crossed my mind that I would leave China engaged to a Chinese girl but that is just what happened. On my second trip over I met Jing. She was serving drinks at a restaurant. She was from Hunan and was there to earn extra money to send back home. I had seen her a couple times before because I had eaten there a few times. But I had never spoken to her. I don’t know why I spoke this time but I did. It is totally out of character for me but I asked the translator to tell her hello and that I thought she was pretty. She didn’t hit me so I took a chance and through the translator I asked her for a date the following day. The answer was no! I asked two more times and got a maybe and finally an OK. (love happened)
Now Jing is 20 years younger and I was so happy to jump through the INS hoops and paperwork jungle to get her to America and make here my wife. We were married in Colorado in 2000. We had a 10 year marriage that for me at least was pure bliss. However I was unaware that during the final year things were not good, but I did not see it until it was too late. Life with Jing was exciting and full of energy, surprises and laughter.
So why am I back in China repeating to same mistake? My mother and my sisters ask me the same questions. I think the answer is this. The failure of my marriage had nothing to do with Jing being Chinese. Both her and I are to blame and it is nothing to do with race.
Again I did not set out to find a Chinese lady this time but after examining the alternatives and what I had learned from being indoctrinated into a Chinese family, Chinese was the clear choice for me. When I first realized that my marriage to Jing was starting to unravel I made a plan to try to salvage it but also be prepared for failure. ( I have this fear of being alone. I was alone for 3 years before I met Jing and I didn’t like it one bit)
I joined Match.com, Plenty of fish, and Chnlove. I got screwed, glued and tattooed by Chnlove (thrice) . and you would not believe some of the American women that were flirting with me. Ugly old hags that probably had never been kissed in their life even before they lost all their teeth. They were not all that bad, but the ones that looked decent were stuck up arrogant prudes that thought you …never mind you know the type. So I think to myself I have been waking up next to Jing for the last 10 years I just can’t entertain the idea of matching up with one of these poor old American women.
Fiona is not perfect but she is Chinese, and she was brought up by an old school Chinese mother. She has her flaws but for the most part we have been able to work through most issues together. She may not be my last wife, but for now she is the best one I have ever had. She is spoiling me rotten. I get daily massages, earwax removal, facial primping, wild hair plucking, back scratching and admiration looks and a damned good looking woman to hold onto my arm while I go walking the neighborhood.
Here’s some photos.
Jing, (1 year ago)
some American ladies that were flirting with me. (1 year ago)
Fiona. (2 years ago)
You choose. American or Chinese?
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Pineau
I am totally confused as to how you could even think of looking for a wife in China when there are such beauties chasing you in USA........ ;D ;D ;D
( I think we all suffer more or less from this "affliction" !!!!)
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No joking guys. Those are real women from my plenty of fish account. And they are not the worst of them. I have a whole lot more that would make you gag or split a gut laughing. Really, in the year that I was an active member on those dating sites I did not run across more that a half dozen women that I would actually date let alone consider a potential spouse.
In America, younger women are repulsed by an older man. They look at them as old fat bald lechers. The younger American lady thinks she is a special creature deserving of your worship and praise. A Chinese woman will do anything for you to make you happy and to please you and she is afraid that she will not please you and that she is not good enough for you.
In China older men are looked at as mature, wise and experienced.
Also less likely to have more than a couple of concubines.
More likely to come home to roost.
I am spoiled. If Fiona were to die or if something goes wrong between me and Fiona and I am single again in the future. I'll be back in China looking for my new bride.
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C'mon fellars do not kid ourselves. Every Chinese woman would like a husband around the same age as herself is she has a choice. But she has not. Do we not think that they look on us as letcherous baldheaded old men maybe so but ones with a bit of financial clout.
Love or not - go tell them in the first few contacts that you have no prospects at all, unemployed and see how long the relationship lasts. Hell we have had men on here who married their Chinese love only to find that once married and they lost their secure job that their 'loving' wife went soon after.
The women fall in love and give you a life that you never experienced before BUT that love is tied in with the fact that we can make a difference to their life in a financial manner as well as giving them the love they desire.
Willy
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C'mon fellars do not kid ourselves. Every Chinese woman would like a husband around the same age as herself is she has a choice. But she has not. Do we not think that they look on us as letcherous baldheaded old men maybe so but ones with a bit of financial clout.
Love or not - go tell them in the first few contacts that you have no prospects at all, unemployed and see how long the relationship lasts. Hell we have had men on here who married their Chinese love only to find that once married and they lost their secure job that their 'loving' wife went soon after.
Good Point Willy , very true .
The women fall in love and give you a life that you never experienced before BUT that love is tied in with the fact that we can make a difference to their life in a financial manner as well as giving them the love they desire.
This part can be said about just any Woman in the World . It only matter's , in what order is more important to them .
Love - Money vs. Money - Love ? This as a Man , will always be a Grap-shoot .. go and "Call" Heads or Tail ?
Willy
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A buddy and I were talking about this just the other day. Now I've known him for something like 48 years. There are some things we agree upon and also disagree but we both said almost the same time (when talking about women and their attitudes) they are always looking for what they can get but now we will ask them "What do YOU bring to the table?"
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but now we ask them .. "What do YOU bring to the table?"/quote]
Heck .. why NOT ?
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Naah...its a package thing...
A Woman will trade a few "ideals" in exchange for other things...like financial security, nice home, devoted husband...etc.
A Chinese Women is happy to make the trade, a Western Woman, not so much.
But.......dont ever lose sight of the fact that to her you are a "package".......she has made a lot of compromise because of who you are and what you represent. Falter or fail on any of the significant components
of the package, and like any other Person or Woman she will need to go back and review her decision.
There are many stories about Chinese Women who left there home to be with a Foreign Man who told many lies about his circumstances/finances and lifestyle.
Under those circumstances, would'nt any Woman feel betrayed ??? True love conquers all just dont cut it when you begin with a fraud..........you cant eat true love...it takes money for that !!!!!
It is difficult to see how any Woman would leave home, culture, language, career, stability to be with a Man who offered love and a chance to have an improved life, and then ended up living in a Caravan , supported (barely) by his Welfare payments because he didn't have a job.
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David E is right, it's basic psychology, it's just that Chinese women are more willing to make exchanges or trade something potential for something solid. Honesty is typically the best thing in any relationship.
As for my story, a guy who had not been married prior. Well, my first Asian experience was in Korea, but then after my first trip to China I realized there are some rather enjoyable subtle differences between Korean and Chinese women. For starters, Koreans age overnight at 40. Sorry, but true. In my family there is already a disbelief of age with my parents, being in their 60's, retired and people think they are only in their early 50's. I remember coming home on leave in the military and going to watch my little brother at a wrestling tournament and people thinking for 'cousins' we really had a strong resemblance (six years between us) when people found out that I was one of two sons my parents had in the military they were in shock, they refused to believe my parents were that old and one lady asked my mom if she was 12 when she birthed my older brother (yes, mom was a little upset about that at first b/c of moral implications).
I do remember that day when I actually met my wife. I was actually dating someone else, in the same city, who I met through ChnLove. That relationship fell apart and I remember when I got this strange message on QQ and this lovely woman I met one morning, in her mama's shop was consoling me after a breakup and telling me that I shouldn't feel so poorly, because the woman who dumped me was a rotten (insert word).
Yuan and I quickly become friends and being that I already had more plane tickets to China, I went back to the same city and spent time with her. A week at first, then a month and we filed for marriage before I returned. By some measures in the west, it was fast. Having been in the military I'd seen guys under me and above me do much dumber and more foolish things which ended tragically worse.
I cannot begin to describe what my beautiful wife brings to the table (besides dumplings ;D). She is a trained singer and one of our first dates was to a KTV bar, because she wanted to sing for me. In March my parents and some other family are traveling there with me, for Yuan and my 婚礼 (hunli, or wedding ceremony), where among other things, we get to make my dad drink tea and people get to see how happy the two of us are together.
Does it help that I am an accountant and have stable income flow, especially during tax season (which I'm cutting short for our 婚礼). Probably not, she likes the fact that I drive a Ford Taurus, because she is actually 5'7" and like me hates riding around in her mama's Kia (hamster wagon). She also understands that my dad, several of my uncles and both of my grandfather's retired from GM in the factories. So she comprehends, why I have a Ford and I know my grandfather will love her when he hears her opinion of Toyota.
She also loves dogs as pets, and is not a vegetarian, so you can nix that stereotype, b/c my wife and I are going out for pork chops. Do Chinese women take good care of you, watch what you eat and make sure you are healthy and taken care of.
Yes, Yes and Yes. I know I made the right decision, especially after the the head cases I've dated over the years before making the decision to get on that plane and go.
So get on the plane and go. The worst that can happen is you get dumped, but have great memories, because even though my first choice dumped me and rooked me for a LV shoulderbag, I have good memories from most of that trip.
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Arnold...great topic!
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Willy,
I want to disagree about the age thing. (just a little). I agree, it must be true that women would like to have a husband nearer their own age and I don't blame them one bit (it's in their DNA). BUT..thats if everyone is on a level playing field and that is if the men are well behaved, kind, considerate and can contribute to the support of the family. This is where many younger guys come up short. Chinese men and some American men in the age between 30 and 50 are in her words " garbage" . They drink too much, they gamble too much, they spend all your money and they keep girlfriends on the side. This is Fiona's opinion and also the opinion of a few of here girlfriends. One of her girlfriends said she would rather remain single than put up with another husband like her last. I assure you, these gals can turn the head of just about any man in their age group but would not take serious anyone younger that 45-50.
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Ask an English woman what her priority is when looking for a partner, and she will probably say (disingenuously), “A sense of humour”. Well I needed my sense of humour to realize what they really wanted, and to see that I wasn’t it. What they wanted was a tall man, preferably with dark hair, no spare tyre around the waist, a six-pack, a high salary, a big house, a prestigious job, maybe 3 years or so older than them and not too much of a comedian. I failed miserably in all these departments: unfortunately, teaching is not really seen as a noble profession. Maybe the wages aren’t noble enough.
So, I felt like an ugly duckling, travelling hopefully to Changsha in 2009. Even though I was scammed when I got there, I was filled with an inexplicable illogical optimism that I would find my wife in that city. Blind faith, you might say. But seeing as I rarely experience such irrational bursts of optimism, I succumbed. I found my present wife, and all the disadvantages I thought I had proved to be either irrelevant or actually advantages. My wife does not care about my height or my hair, she quite likes my middle-age spread (“nice pillow”, she says), she likes my determination, my loyalty and my attention, and she is very proud that her husband is a teacher. She doesn’t want money for herself, she wants security for our family. She likes my age and experience.
So, she made me realize that I am, in fact a swan. I’m not bitter about English women. I just know that I was never what they wanted and never will be. I’m happy that I can laugh about it now. I knew my sense of humour would come in handy.
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I’m not bitter about English women. I just know that I was never what they wanted and never will be.
It's that bitter English tea that makes them so bitter.
I was happy that I got to meet the two of you and I can see that the both of you enjoy each others company. Tea for two .....Good quality Tea should be served in fine (no matter how steep ::) the price ) China, and I must say that you will enjoy what life has brewed for you with your own porcelain dish.
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Willy is one hundred percent correct. Do not fool yourself. If you can give them a good life they will do everything in their power to make you happy. If not, they will leave you in a New York minute.
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Me? At University my first year classes were often filled with a goodly percentage of Chinese MBA students as the Waikato BMS (Like a B.Com on steroids) and MBA classes share the first few classes before diverging in scope. In several for team work tasks I was teamed up with Chinese girls. Nice young women, friendly, polite, intelligent, and very feminine...
Fast forward through a few years as salesman filled with dating failures. Plenty of short term but nothing long term.Match.com, FindSomeone.co.nz, NZDating.co.nz, I found Chnlove, joined, browsed, and left it in 2007 when I was still looking local as I lived in a city here.
Fast forward a few more years and I am on a farm, in the rural nowheresville, having been here for a few years since my mother sold her little block of seaside to a developer for a large sum and bought a big farm. Life has been busy helping scale up for a few years from a small block my mother could manage alone to a full size farm that took three labour units to run. Now my mother and sister can manage the place alone with the first few years done and systems in place, forward to 2010 and I'm feeling in a rut and ready for a change, Chnlove.com shows up in the adverts on some page I am on and I click on it from boredom.
Now I am in contact with a girl in Chongqing, my passport is at the visa office of the chinese embassy, and I have a job waiting for me to get there ASAP.
I never even thought of just a quick trip over, come back, get a spouse or fiancee visa and import my bride, instead I'm going there! And if things don't work out, well, there are plenty more girls there :D
Christmas in China awaits...
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The women fall in love and give you a life that you never experienced before BUT that love is tied in with the fact that we can make a difference to their life in a financial manner as well as giving them the love they desire.
Willy
Well said,, spot on :)