China Romance

All About China => Understanding Chinese Women => Topic started by: Willy The Londoner on December 02, 2011, 05:05:32 am

Title: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 02, 2011, 05:05:32 am

An interesting piece that I picked on today.


http://www.chinahush.com/2011/12/01/man-without-money-is-garbage-marriage-is-a-large-transaction/ (http://www.chinahush.com/2011/12/01/man-without-money-is-garbage-marriage-is-a-large-transaction/)

Willy
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Vince G on December 02, 2011, 10:04:04 am
Interesting I think? It certainly portrays their frame of mind.


There was one woman I wish I was there to give an answer to. Maybe it was a translation thing? But this "Woman 4: “All the animals in the world, their mating are all based on materials. I think this kind of so-called ‘large money mating’ is needed. I think no matter human or animals, this kind of matting always require one to have something which attracts the other.”

It's that first sentence, "All the animals in the world, their mating are all based on materials"  WTF are you talking about woman? (LOL) based on materials? I've never seen a Black bird sporting around in a beamer and park at his penthouse with a big screen TV? Have you?   :P
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Rhonald on December 02, 2011, 10:22:27 am
There was one woman I wish I was there to give an answer to. Maybe it was a translation thing? But this "Woman 4: “All the animals in the world, their mating are all based on materials.

I interpret it "material" as the ability to provide. Good thing the woman said animal kingdom because in the insect word, some female species eat the male after mating.  :o Hum come to think of it, some human females devour a man's assets as well.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Vince G on December 02, 2011, 10:26:36 am
Yeah there are reasons why some women are called Black Widows.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Arnold on December 02, 2011, 11:10:35 am
Yeah there are reasons why some women are called Black Widows.

They ( some Women )spin their Web for years , to lure as poor Fellows into their Arms ( of Love haha ) and we fall right in .. don't we ?
We are still in a good time to find a Chinese Wife , as I see .. for years to come it will be Spider Heaven in China also . I hope NOT , but I see it coming !
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Vince G on December 02, 2011, 11:49:05 am
It's not he Web to be alarmed about, the Black Widow Spider female will mate and then Kill the mate (I guess eats it too). Hence the women that marry a few men that seem to die off before their time is given the spider title.


http://crimezzz.net/serialkiller_index/by_type/blackwidows.php (http://crimezzz.net/serialkiller_index/by_type/blackwidows.php)
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Clayton on December 02, 2011, 04:45:24 pm
Willy, you've hit a nerve,  this is a subject that has had me worried for a while, godam money,
My wife's best friend usually joins in on our QQ conversations and the subject of money always comes up, now this friend is ,i understand well off, and she's always saying i should give my wife more money, now my wife has a well payed job and does not need extra from me although i send her money every month so her friends can see i am supporting her and she can keep face.

I have explained to her right from the start and keep reiterating my financial situation, one of our chats she said she was a little worried that i might not be able to support her and that she would have to wash dishes at the local pub so I told her everything about my finances, I'm a self funded retire, i own my house, i even told her how much money i have in my super fund, she then felt comfortable that i am able to support her but i don't like the way she and her friend,who i like, go on about money,it makes me worried because I've already had two wives that thought more about money than me.
I might be a little gun shy perhaps but when i saw those videos and the comments that followed I just thought 'shit' what am i in for now

Cheers
Leeroy
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: john1964 on December 02, 2011, 05:37:11 pm
These videos had me a bit worried too until I did a bit more thinking about my wife and previous conversations we have had about my current financial situation.
After we met face to face and knew we wanted to be together for life,  I wanted to start sending MinYing money but she refused to give me her bank account details saying she did not need for me to send any money as she had a job, It was only after I explained to her that it would help the visa process that she decided to give me the relevant information,
Over the last 20 months we have known each-other she has never asked for any money or when the next instalment would be coming, She has never asked me how much I earn or how much I have in the bank.
MinYing tells me that her friends are a little envious of the fact that I do give her money every month but are at the same time very happy that she has found a "good" man and not a deadbeat like her ex.
From the beginning I told my wife that I was going through a rather messy property settlement with my ex-Thai partner (now in its third year) and after the smoke has cleared I might have nothing as we all know the lawyers are the only ones to win, Many times MinYing has asked me just to give it all away and we can start again and work our way to a comfortable life together. John.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Arnold on December 02, 2011, 06:11:37 pm
This got me thinking, Maybe she just wants to leave C 

Now .. now , are we starting to sound like our old Friends/Family ? They just want a Green Card out !

My LaoPo never ask me for anything either to this Day , she makes now her own Money here ( as little as it is ) . I pay for everything but her Clothes when she goes Shopping , the rest she saves . She has been willing to sell one of her Apartments in Shanghai to pay off our Home here , thus .. I don't feel not the slightest reason for her ever thinking more about Money than of Me . After four years Married , I think I know my Wife pretty well and not worry that she's after my Money .

So how can we be certain this (behind our back thinking) will not happen to one of us ? I feel that being together some time will always show some kind of signs/warnings if Money becomes more important to them . Watch .. observe closely .. make notes and add up til you have positive proof of not being for Love .
Anyway , I'm not worried .. if Lightning strikes .. I can't stop it !
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: David E on December 02, 2011, 06:13:53 pm
I think maybe we need to get this "money" thing into some sort of perspective.....

There are a bunch of Women out there...and not only Chinese women, but women from every race or culture that are prepared to do anything to secure a Man who is relatively wealthy, it matters not about his age or looks...his wallet is the key driver. These women only care about their own financial future and will go to any lengths to get it. Possibly we could call these women "commercial prostitutes" !!!

There is another bunch of women who genuinely dont want to enter a long term relationship which will mean a life-time of hardship, constantly worrying for money and faced with a long term imperative to work, work, work, with little hope of ever reaching some level of financial stability.

There is another bunch of women who dont care either way, they have little or no hope of finding a Man due to many different impediments...their only quest is for marriage...at any cost !!!

Naturally, we should avoid the gold-diggers because once they have soaked up your money....off they will go to find another sucker...aided by our Draconian Western Divorce/property Laws.
And for those women in this category who are totally stunning Super-model types...they will have a fair chance of success !!...but for all the "average" women out there who seek wealth for its own sake....in your dreams Lady !!!...you aint got nothing to trade  ;D ;D Looking at the photos of the women on the Post who had made all these comments, I dont think any of them had what it takes to attract a Millionaire....at least not in my culture !!!...so dream on girls.

Somewhere in between all this stuff is a large majority of women who will weigh up the pros and cons of their prospective partner, make a judjement call, for better or for worse and simply marry a man that they can love and respect....but make no mistake, it takes a very rare woman to enter such a relationship KNOWING that her partner is basically destitute with no money, assets or prospects....would you if you were in her position also be a bit spooked by such a potential future   ????? Add to the fact, if this woman is from China (or any foreign Country) she is giving up all her existing security, culture, language, friends and family.....to live in dire poverty in a new Country....I think NOT

Somewhere we men have a level of responsibility to provide a reasonable life for our beloved partner....or we should have anyway. To what level this "reasonable" life applies, is up to the individuals to decide for themselves...we all got different needs and wants. If we are not clever enough to realise when a woman is only looking for money...then we deserve her.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: David E on December 02, 2011, 06:28:07 pm
I might be a little gun shy perhaps but when i saw those videos and the comments that followed I just thought 'shit' what am i in for now
Cheers
Leeroy

Leeroy

Just be aware that the reality of the Aus divorce and property settlement Laws have a provision for what is termed at Law as a "short marriage"...ie one that lasts for less than 2 years.

In this time frame, if any woman ups and leaves and then applies for the "50% " asset settlement, she has no chance. All she will be able to claim will be 50% of the assets jointly aquired during the term of the marriage. Please note that this provision does not apply if there are children from the marriage.

In this way, we have some protection from"gold-diggers" if unfortunately our partners turn out this way. And I think it would take a bloody good actress, or a bloody stupid bloke not to spot this fraud over a 2 year period.... ;D ;D

Naturally , nobody plans for this dreadful eventuality, but we do have some protection against being robbed by unscrupulous women

Cheers..David
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Vince G on December 03, 2011, 04:53:13 pm
Just wondering if the women (gold diggers) in China are like the women here in western or the US? I know more then a few that were making good money and had decent positions. Though there a potential to grow and bring in more money? They got left anyway.

Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Arnold on December 03, 2011, 07:54:27 pm
This Woman with her $154 Millions and other's alike , will never know/find "Real" Love . Ask me and I'll spit on that Woman .. first for HOW she got the $$$ and second it will definitely ruin her character even more so . This is in a Class right there with Prostitute's , woundn't touch them with a Mile long Pole .
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Vince G on December 03, 2011, 08:46:14 pm
Well yeah, there are a few that get their money in crafty ways. When I was married right across the street in the apt on the 2nd fl of a house was a NYC cop (cop owned the house too). One day his wife left for like 3 days no reason? When she came back she told him she had a boyfriend and was divorcing him?

Electrician friend that I worked with. His father owned the business and after the son finished college would have the business. His wife left him too.

For the lighter side (not really).. Buddy and I (he was getting divorced, I was divorced already) We went to this little dive bar where about two dozen other guys were sitting at the bar. Over hearing us talking it went around the bar like role call, "my wife left me too". Realizing the whole place of guys were in the same boat. I don't know what they all had money wise but my buddy and I had our businesses at the time. He still has one just down here in Fl now.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 03, 2011, 09:11:54 pm
What I have found here is that the woman are not gold diggers. They are careful!

The Western culture seems to be OK we have bread today but there will be jam (jelly) tomorrow.

Chinese women look to today, not for jam, but a regular supply of bread.   They look to be afraid of starting off on the road to nowhere.  That has been their experience for many generations and their lives have only started to improve in the past 20 years or so.

We can tell them what we have back home, nice house, nice car, a good job, pension in so many years time etc etc. But that is really intangible to them. We can show them pictures but who is to say that nice room your sitting is is not a friends place or the car your sitting in is not just on a sales site.   There is no sure sign that we are what we say we are. 

That is where the doubt comes into their minds.   As soon as they fully realise that you are telling the truth then there will never be a problem.  As they say a little goes a long way.

I was lucky in a way to have had no great assetts when I came here. I told my wife, right from the start when I first met her, that I had nothing left in the UK, no house, no car, small savings, so my she took me for what she could see. (But I dont think that she was fully 100% clear on that until we went to the UK 15 months ago and she saw for herself. )

We now have a nice home here and she looks after me as no other has ever done. I did tell her that it would take about four years to replace the money we spent on buying our apartment and having it refitted to our taste. You know what she did then. She went back to work with her niece so we could reduce that time scale to a little over 2 years.    I showed her that I was a genuine as I was.  But I was able to do that because I was here to stay.

Willy
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Clayton on December 03, 2011, 09:52:57 pm
Thanks to David E and Willy for reassuring me, I hate to think of my wife as a money grabber but a little bit of doubt came over me when this subject came up, I guess all this waiting for a visa causes my thinking to stray sometimes.
I'm sure she'll like it here with the moonlight walks along the beach  ( we can't go out during the day ,she hates the sun )our own house, and I'm waiting for her to get here to help Finnish painting and reflooring etc,
She will also have daily access to family and friends back home via QQ and phone

We have a large group of friends and family who can't wait to welcome her, and she says she is ready for the quiet life ,hell anywhere would be quieter than Shenzhen.

I told her the other day she will never be clod,never suffer from heat and humidity, never go hungry, always be clothed,well most of the time anyway, and as long as she is a good wife she will be loved and cared for for the rest of her life.

That was my promise to her, I can't do any more than that.

Cheers
Leeroy
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Jason B on December 04, 2011, 12:42:00 am
I must agree with Willy, (geez will get deported for agreeing with a pom) anyway honesty is the best policy.  I told Xia when I first went to China that I was living with my brother after my divorce and walking away with nothing (by choice), and saving to start life again.  I also explained how my plans for the future and evern went so far as to show her facts and figures.  Made it easier to understand and explain. 

But since Xia has been here with have been fortuante enought to have purchased our house now.  Move in second week of the new year after I paint it all, expecting a baby in late March/early April.  I do not think that I would have worried about buying a house if it had not been for her being here.  She has made life so much better in so many little and big ways.

I guess there are two sides to this.  1.  I was very clear and honest with her when I first went to China and explained everything about my situation.  Of course everyone's will be different but somehow from all the stories I have read they are the same in so many ways.
2.  Your wife will change the way you do, look and appreciate things for the better.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Vince G on December 04, 2011, 07:23:24 am
I definitely agree. If there is going to be any problems about it? best it's at the start of the relationship rather then later, married and you get to hear her nagging at you day & nite.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 04, 2011, 08:12:40 am
I definitely agree. If there is going to be any problems about it? best it's at the start of the relationship rather then later, married and you get to hear her nagging at you day & nite.

Leave it too late and you may get Chinese acupuncture with 6 inch blades. ;D
Especiallyif you tell her 'wo bu dong" everytime.

Willy
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: shaun on December 04, 2011, 08:32:27 am
Willy thank your for starting this thread.  It is a good one.

One thing the we all need to be aware of is that as you explain your financial status to your prospective wife that she is deciphering this through close friends to better understand what you are saying.  Quite often they get the wrong idea and they will come to the conclusion that you are much more wealthy than you are.  We as men don't help that either.  Most of us are divorced and have been told that we are less than adequate financially.  Now we are told we are rich and we like that feeling.  Our job is to gently bring them back to reality.  Even doing this gently you may catch a little crap because now she is going to lose a little face.  Problem is quite often the man runs for the hills yelling gold digger.  Yet if he will stick it out a little while longer he may find out that she will adjust and everything will be fine.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Vince G on December 04, 2011, 01:03:14 pm
The subject sits on so many levels it's almost the same as the word scam? A woman wanting to know what her future will be like isn't a gold digger in my book. It is more apparent with her actions anyway. I commonly make the call by their conversations and their actions. ex: Buy me a car and it better be a new one. Some aren't so direct. The obvious is the much younger very attractive woman hanging on the older gentleman's arm. But I have seen and experienced the un-attractive, over weight, homely looking woman with the same tactics.

Here's an article that can explain it better...    http://www.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Gold-Digger (http://www.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Gold-Digger)



Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Vince G on December 04, 2011, 03:42:12 pm
Well, they have things in common? He's 91 and she's 19   ::) ;D
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Arnold on December 04, 2011, 06:11:25 pm
Well here in the west , this might fly .. but if she was a Asian Woman .. I see NO Visa approval any time soon . He might have to wait longer then Rhonald . :'(
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: David E on December 04, 2011, 08:27:52 pm
Gold- Digger or super-hot grand-daughter? ;)

Robert

Dont be such a cynic...anyone can see that this must be true love at first sight.

I think I will hang on 'till I am 91...........looks like the benefits are worth it  ;D ;D ;D

ps...that key he has hanging around his neck...the key to his heart...or his wall-safe ????
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Jason B on December 04, 2011, 08:32:01 pm
Is that not a photoshopped picture of a certain Scottish member?
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Rhonald on December 04, 2011, 08:33:24 pm
ps...that key he has hanging around his neck...the key to his heart...or his wall-safe ????

Her chastity belt  :o
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 04, 2011, 08:44:23 pm
I checked out the 91 year olds family history. I have attached a photo of him taken three weeks before he met this lovely lady.



Willy

Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 04, 2011, 10:43:20 pm
Is that not a photoshopped picture of a certain Scottish member?

I heard from reliable sources that he was somewhere else when that lady was in town!

Robertt!!! You've just blown my cover.  I told the wife I had been to a terrible city.  I really did tell her the truth as I said "I have been to one Hell of a place"

Willy
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: JohnB on January 16, 2012, 09:19:57 pm
ATM lifestyles

I was visiting the other site's forum yesterday and stumbled on something of interest. It had to do with money. Kind of straitforward...it was a comment concerning a couple of women from northern China advising a southern Chinese woman in the “how to” or the art of extracting money from their foreigner. If I have that correct. Good. If not, it does not matter. Still this got me to thinking of husbands and wives, domiciled together. In other words, husband & wife together under a roof acting like husband & wife normally do.

Now the thing is, my northern China wife will be coming to me in early March. Any monies sent to her have seemingly disappeared into a China void. Accountability be damned. When she is here I want to set up OUR account. I also will maintain my own account to pay the mortgage and revolving credit card debt. Maybe the power bill & so forth. I figure she can be responsible for the household features. Food, cooking, & cleaning, so forth. Her English is nill. She will contribute to whatever workload of comfort exists. She is a great cook, she is great in all facets in the relationship. Until there is an issue.
But I am learning to speak her language, “yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes...whatever...yes, yes, yes, yes...”. I was advised this by a Korean woman where I work. Always say yes, never no. Also, spoil the wife like a baby. Treat her like a baby. Always. I guess this is the ultimate key to success when logical line of reasoning fails. Of which, if you are married to a Chinese woman, all reasoning is lost in translation, or is it. Always take the safe tact of attack. Say yes. Retreat to the rear.

Getting back to my original intent. What are the members experiences when the wife and husband are together? I plan to transfer monies into our common account for her to pay the grocery and household expense items, miscellaneous expenditures & so forth.  Do you think that in itself is enough to please her? I mean your woman is with you now. Not China. Of course I will monitor it since I am to fund it. When she is here, I will sit her down and explain the rules of the road. Yeh right, if that will happen. The monies are hers, for food & household expenses, whatnot. But I know there has to be some 'slush' of sorts, I mean there has to be some 'mad' money for her. How do you guys do this? Is there some easy way? Any logic to this unseen madness.
Money is important to these women.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on January 16, 2012, 10:16:16 pm
Is that not a photoshopped picture of a certain Scottish member?

Just found this thread, I do hope there is another member who is Scottish on here and your not talking about meJason matey? :o :o ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Robertt S on January 16, 2012, 10:19:28 pm
Money is security to them! You need to realize that most of these women spent the best years of their lives catering to a person that eventually kicked them to the curb for a younger woman.They most likely lost their home and other things they valued, they have learned the hard way that money of their own is the only real security they can count on. How you handle this fact is up to you, but you will have to deal with it sooner or later. There are many ways to handle , but I think most women feel better when they feel they have earned the money. Some get part-time jobs at markets or restaurants. If that is not an option you can always tell her that you supply a certain amount each to the household account for food, household supplies etc. and whatever she saves she keeps for herself. Make sure you deposit enough to where she can save/make some money for herself. That should also give her time to get accustomed to shopping and banking methods here. Word of warning, be prepared to explain in detail why you did not haggle over the price of vegetables at the supermarket. You can also give her an allowance if you like or if she has any type of skills such as knitting or sewing, you can build her a small web-site to sell her products on or take her to craft shops/shows where she can sell her products. All and All you will find out they do watch the money and they do like to save the money. Another thing you will soon learn, there is no such thing as change from a 5 or 10 dollar bill, small bills are collected avidly for safekeeping ;) When you have this rules of the road sit down, you should explain very clearly why you are maintaining 2 accounts so that she understands thoroughly your reasons! The main thing is patience and understanding.There is no guaranteed method, you and her will just have to try and find the method that works best for your family. You will also have fun explaining sales taxes, income taxes, car insurance, why there is no mass transit bus stops near the home/town and etc.. Have fun and Best Wishes, Robert ;)
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 16, 2012, 10:49:10 pm
Here in China we keep a bit of cash in our safe. My wife always asks if she can take some money before opening it. She then tells me just how much she has taken whuch is usually never more than she needs.

When she returns from shopping trips she takes great pains to tell me the price of everything she has spent.

Willy
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: David E on January 16, 2012, 10:54:39 pm
Ming and I are close to 7 months together.

I handled the money thing by giving her a cash-card in her name with an amount of money I put in there each month that is entirely hers to do what she wants with it...spend it, save it...I dont care.

Additionally, she has a seperate card, linked to mine where she can pay for food, groceries and any consumables she needs along the way.

I take care of all bills for household expenses, power, light, phone, car, insurance etc etc etc

I also tell her that if she needs something "big"...she can use our Joint Credit Card....or ask me for extra cash.

She has faithfully followed the "rules" and is far better at managing money than me....she has saved more from her own allowance that I would have thought possible...and now she wants to put it into our joint account...bless her  ;D ;D...but I wont have that..it is her money now.

I did not want to have her in a situation where she had to come "begging" to me for money all the time, I wanted her to have the "face" of her own money...it shows I trust her.

All is working very well so far. If she ever decides to enter the workforce, then the arrangements might need re-visiting.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: maxx on January 16, 2012, 11:26:19 pm
Me and my wife have ben at this for over five years.I pay the bills.If my wife wants something she will tell me and we will go and get it.If she wants something for herself.And  she thinks something is to expensive.I will usually buy it anyway.I have given my wife money before.All she does with it is give it to her mom..Which I really don't care.

I have tried to show my wife how the checkbook works.And how to pay the bills.She wants no part of it.So I handle everything.She doe's a great job taking care of the kids.And takes care of the house.So if she wants something.I make sure she gets what she wants.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Sylvain D on May 02, 2012, 10:56:01 am
'seems like I'd better watch that video asap...
Scaring should be my 2d name I guess...  :o

Since a few months, me and my wife are "fighting" when talking about money.
The problem is, the more it happens, the more I begin "scaring" about that problem.
Just as if my wife's money is so precious that I can not really "get some of it".

For those who know about "Lord of The Rings", there is Golhum', saying "My Precious".
It is a bit the same in fact :s
Even if she can help me a bit, and as she's working, my money is my money and her money is most of time her money but not so much used for each of us...
Well, it is a bit hard to explain so "easily". As everybody I have to pay fees for the apartment and since 2 months, she can help about that. But I must tell her each month and then, there is that "reply" : "I gave you last month"... 
Well, I would like to say the same to the Govt and so on when having to pay bills and so on.... :D but actually, the smile on my face is not so much active...
I've tried to tell her about that and that I must pay many things, just seems like that now, it is not "enough".
Plus, I must pay about 3500 € since January to September for the lift that anyone living in the building and who is owner.
The other problem is that it can't easily be "solved". No matter how many days I could try to talk about it but when the moment comes, I feel like a spine on my feet.
Actually, it's becoming difficult.
Anyway, the apartment is mine, so I'm ok to pay for the lift, no problem about that, but I can not pay "all", as my wife is now working and can have one month income, full time job and not half one.
ok the fridge is quite empty, and about some food inside, it is "what I like", and not what my wife likes... and even that, makes her a bit angry...
I had some problems with my car, now one teeth I need to change (no, not the 32....hehe) so of course, there is some money that I must "letting go away"...

I am just believing that when getting married, nothing is won, nothing is lost, but there is as a match man must deal with, everyday. No matter how funny or difficult it can be.
But well, sometimes, I just feel that some problems are above feelings and can be difficult to go "through" it.
I don't say that my wife's a bad wife. I Just would like to know in fact if some of the brotherhood's wives here can become angry when talking about money or asking a bit some help when living together in the same apartment / house.



Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Arnold on May 02, 2012, 11:53:09 am
Sly, I'm sure you're not alone in this. Remember, chinese Women are used to being taken care of by the Man and mostly "expect" that especially from a western Husband. I see it in Qing's family and her friends families here in the States.
One of the reasons for Liyan to try to safe her money is/can be for many reasons. One being for security in a foreign land, also for future Trips back to see Family she's left behind. I know, us as western Men.. hence Women here like to be like "Men".. we of course expect them to carry at least half the weight.. money wise and other problems equally. This is now, where you realize that you are married to a chinese and can not expect her to change on the dime. This can of course turn out slowly that this issue get's resolved over time or it will cause her to think.. you're not living up to you "Part" of the Relationship as a Husband. These are hard facts you're faced with and must be very careful how you handle this situation at hand. You need to sit down and map out an overall Budget that clearly shows to both of you.. where exactly both of you are and where you're going if it does not get taken care of. Be Patient, it doesn't pay your bills.. but it will safe your marriage.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Sylvain D on May 02, 2012, 01:06:09 pm
Thanks for your fast reply, Arnold ;)
I know that Liyan must save some money to send in China later or to give later for her Papa, so that he can have a happy life when being "retired"?
Well, one of the only ways to have big money, would be me to be millionaire. I guess I should buy only one lucky ticket... and beginning to feel more "secure".
I will think about other ways tonight, many things to think about anyway, nights are short, days are long, but well.... that's life :)
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: maxx on May 02, 2012, 08:27:42 pm
Sly what Arnold posted is the best answear that Iv'e seen.At some point and time we all face this problem.How you and your wife work this out will.Determine the rest of your relationship with your wife
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Jason B on May 03, 2012, 08:19:47 am
This is correct Sly, get a budget worked out, show her all the workings and how she maybe able to contribute somewhere.  A little bit maybe helpful and both of you can have a feeling of contributing together.

Xia does not work as she is looking after the baby and did not before she was pregnant, but every ones situation is different.  I know she is tighter than a fishes backside when it comes to money.  She looks at it just as Arnold said, I am the man I work therefore I take care of her.  She has access to all of our accounts and does not touch them but leaves it upto me to pay the bills etc and most come out electronically - mortgage, insurance, car repayments etc. maybe something to look into and to pay weekly/fortnightly so all know where the money is going and the bills are not so much each time.

But then again she still has in her wallet a $100 note she got given and wont part with it.....
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Sylvain D on May 04, 2012, 05:38:29 am
Thanks again for comments.
Well, the situation is better actually @ home :)
Talking with Liyan and arguing that there is no need to talk a bit "loudly" about important things such as money, maybe helped to solve the problem before yesterday, at night.
Plus, when I'm angry or fed up about something, I can not so easily talk, then I need to think about something else, I don't really know how to explain, but well... we've talked about money's problem, it was not easy at first, then, seeing that there was as a wall in our talking, I decided to stop about that and went sleeping.
As old saying says : "Night provides good advises".
The fact is, yesterday morning and at night, everything was ok. Liyan told me she agreed what I said and that she could help, too.
Now, that problem is over, and that's very good.
It just seems that my wife, chinese wife, can better understand me than some any other westerner woman would... crazy, isn't it?
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Arnold on May 04, 2012, 04:37:53 pm
Sly, I don't want to rain on your Parade..but don't be fooled into thinking this subject is settled for good. Liyan might have agreed for now, but I have a feeling (thats all it is of course, hence I don't know your wife and you only as a friend that I have met ones.. also through your Postings) if you two are not on top of this problem.. it will get again get out of hand. Money issues are the most common reason People split up. One is, because it's not worked out from both ends equally, or for unexpected financial burden. Your Elevator installation to your Building is a good example. This of course will add to your value of the Apartment, but again.. this does not pay bills on hand now.
So my advice, don't let this for now agreed upon deal be placed on the back-burner and forgotten. It's really a daily chore, but will strenghen your Marriage.. as both of you see.. working as a Team is better then by one's self.
Title: Re: Chinese Women and Money?
Post by: Sylvain D on May 05, 2012, 01:49:16 am
I understand that, Arnold, as I said earlier, nothing is won "forever" when marrying someone, and having some "fights" when talking to your beloved can happen sometimes. Man must deal with it, to solve it asap.
We have an apointment at the bank on Thursday so that we'd open an account for Liyan, and another one for both, so that one will help to pay the fees and lift.
Btw, as you say too, working as a Team is better than by one's self :)
Thanks again, Arnold :)