China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: kiwisteve on December 22, 2011, 04:54:52 pm
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Hi all,
Firstly let me thank you all for such a wonderful resource. I have been lurking for a few weeks and reading a lot. I joined chnlove just a month ago, and already have the usual tales of being scammed, complaining, getting placating replies, but no resolution. I fully understand what I'm dealing with now and will write that off.
I started emailing just 1 woman, but this has stopped now that it is clear to me it was the translator writing. I did eventually get the woman's supposedly private email address but there were translation confusions on simple words which makes me think it was still the translator deliberately getting 'confused' so we would have to return to EMFs.
I then started writing to 3 others - but this gets expensive real quick. One seems sincere and won't go to private mail yet because of a prior bad experience, so I'm being patient with her for now. The other 2 are largely fluff and I've also had the translation 'confusion' issues preventing private communication, and them insisting on EMF. I'll probably try one or 2 more emails with them before blocking them.
I also checked out CLL after reading this forum and it seems a lot better so far. I found one of the same women there and sent her a note just to see what reaction I got and whether she even knew me. No reply so far.
What I'd really like to do is learn more Chinese so I can communicate privately, so any pointers here of good (free or not too expensive) online tools would be appreciated. What I have been doing so far is using mostly Google and always translating back again to make sure the meaning is not lost.
Also, I'd like a trusted human translator to review a couple of sentences just to get their opinion on how easy it should have been, or whether there was room for genuine translation confusion.
I'll put an example here in case anyone on this forum is able to help - I hope that this is appropriate. If not, please let me know where I should seek help with this.
From my email to M with both Chinese and English (deliberately kept very simple):
谢谢。
这是好事。
我很高兴。
我希望你睡不好觉。
Thank you.
This is good.
I am very happy.
I hope you sleep well.
She replied via EMF saying:
I am confused about something you wrote. Hey, what did you mean when you said something good? Why didn't want me to sleep well? Did I say anything wrong? I hope not.
Another example to S:
我希望你能来新西兰，以满足我。I hope you can come to New Zealand to meet me.
Her reply (via EMF) contained this:
In fact, the Chinese you wrote is also a little confusing....What did you try to say ?
Can you tell me ? Did you say you don't welcome me to visit New Zealand ? Why is that ?
I hope you like me.
Another example, this time written by S as a test for me to translate, and I can't get a decent translation for this at all:
下午好，唔知道你而家系度做D咩呢？
我而家睇紧韩剧啊，你钟意睇韩剧架吗？你平时钟意睇咩个呢？？
希望你可以明白我嘅中文信啦！
cheers,
Steve - 53, from Auckland, New Zealand
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The last one written by S seems to be Cantonese? Well some words are but I'm starting off on chinese myself.
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Steve , as I have learned since my Wife uses our Computer with Character/Keyboard is .. for every word she puts in the PC in Pinyin there pop up between 6-12 Characters to choose from . Of course I would never in my dream know which is correct for this/that sentence . So understand if you have a couple of them "Wrong " it is very confusing for your Girl . I've try'd sending letters to my Wife a few times with Yahoo Translate , she had no clue what I was trying to say/tell her . This chinese language is more complex by the minute , the more you learn of it .. that is .
I stick with the Translator a few month's and go visit her with a " Besta Electronic Translator " that seems to be a favourite among members here .
Anyway , good luck to you .. heck we all needed it sooner or later on this Journey .
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Hi guys,
Many thanks for the quick replies. It does seem this language thing is going to be more difficult than I first thought. At best, hilarious, at worst, offensive.
I don't mind using the EMFs providing I can be sure I really am talking to the right person. What is the best way (short of going to China) to be sure she is real?
If she's not ready for direct emails - do I just need to be more patient, meanwhile a couple more hundred dollars clocked up?
I opened a qq account and will give this a go, and get a webcam also.
Maybe take a break and learn more Chinese first before starting fresh?
I will definitely go to China at some stage, but as I'm only just starting out, I'm not ready for that yet.
Thanks,
Steve
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You never really know when it comes to EMF's. It's how you get an answer, and going on your gut feelings. To much fluff at the start tells you your being had. Best to ask simple questions.
Maybe some examples will help? Two of the women I had been writing (is now only one) in the beginning I asked if they (each) had computers? internet? both told me no? a few letters later both had some mention of being on their computer? one at work the other at home. One works at a cafe. Sent me pictures so this is real. When asked if she can web cam I was told "I can not use internet in my office it is forbidden? I reminded the translator she doesn't work in an office. I can not get angry with the lady she has no idea what happen. But I worded it in the EMF so she did know. By now I can tell her from the translator.
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I dont see much of anything that should be confusing. Especially in the context that You are a guy trying to woo a girl, why would you say something offensive of could be taken wrong. I think the questions are created by the translator to try to get a quick reply from you and generate more more EMF$$$.
You are exactly right. I think you are being played with by the translator.
Her response is too good english for it to have come from her. It was written by a translator. You are paying for a translator Right?
Soooo if she is using a translator then why the response to you, asking you to explain yourself. The translator knows damn well what you meant to say and could have cleared it up WITHOUT generating 2xEMF$.
Oh..and that statement about not going private due to a prior experience. Been there done that several time. It is pure BS. It is just one of many lame excuses for keeping the EMF$$ flowing.
You will also hear:
I don't know anything about QQ.
I dont have a computer.
I dont have a camera.
I dont know how to operate my computer.
I cant afford a cell phone.
I had a man call me and talk dirty on the phone.
you get the picture? If they dont want you to communicate directly with the lady then one excuse is just as good as another.
Dont believe much of anything you read in EMFs until you get the lady into a private conversation.
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One other thing that you should remember with translator programmes. It is not like ABC a definate range or letters.
There vary something like 10,000 characters that can be used and the translating machines have them all. HOWEVER the average well educated chinese person has I believe about 5000 and the number drops down according to education and social standings until we get to those that cannot read a single character.
Most Chinese have no idea about Pin Ying.
The only way to learn is by using the language regularly. I have watched my neices daughter here. she has just got to the age where people understand almost every word. I tried to learn alonside her but fell back when she went from Blur,blurb blurb blurb to Howl howl howl.
Okay one question. All you guys who have got their ladies/wifes back to your own country, how many still use Chinese regularly and how many have got lazy with the excuse that She must learn English!
Willy
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Okay one question. All you guys who have got their ladies/wifes back to your own country, how many still use Chinese regularly and how many have got lazy with the excuse that She must learn English!
Willy
Willy , my Wife knows ( I ask her ) about 10,000-12,000 Character's ( simplyfied ones ) and the japanese ones also . Along with Pinyin as well . Just the other night , I had to tell her .. watching a Chinese program .. she should watch more chinese TV so not to forget her language/characters . She told me " I will never forget any of them " I'm too old to forget them . Makes me look like a "Worm" ! :(
Okay , I said .. what else am I to say to that ? She also added , I must do more English though .. as this is what our Teacher has told us at ESL class . He most likely ment this to the Latins/Spanish speaking ones , not to speak or watch only their native language things .
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Willy , in answer to you Sujuan uses her Mandarin and Cantonese probably 90% of her day as all her girls are fluent in their own language but still learning English and she says for her English is to slow when she is trying to talk to several girls at the same time , but she always coverses with clients or me along with all our friends in English .
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Xia will always use English with me and my family and whilst out shopping. She will use Chinese when talking to people she knows talks Chinese (waiters friends etc). She will use pinyin when using my computer as it is in English to talk QQ to her friends and when she uses her computer she will use traditional Chinese characters as the computer is in Chinese. But as anyone will know that has seen this they still can type in pinyin and then choose the appropriate word, I have seen her choose the different characters as required to make the sentence she wants to say. I do not know how many characters she knows and I will not ask or embarass her to ask her. But it would be good if in English we had a built in type of thesaraus like it appears the Chinese characters have so we could choose our own appropriate words too.
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Hi gurus,
Just a quick update. Since posting the other day, I have joined a few other sites. What's the consensus on asianbeauties.com? Already I have received 38 unsolicited messages from women. I would need to spend at least $250 to read and maybe reply to these as you can't read them without buying credits. Although it is cheaper than chnlove, is it the same type of fluff posted by agencies here? Would I be better to just save that money towards an air ticket?
Also I got QQ working. Straight away I have got numerous requests to chat, mostly from women. One in particular went really well and we chatted for hours even though she speaks no English. I used QQ translate as well as Google to get the translations done, and mostly it worked fine with only the occasional confusion but they were quickly resolved in a realtime chat situation. She wanted video, so I went out and got a webcam, hooked it up and again last night we chatted for about 4 hours. This is tremendous progress considering the time and money spent with chnlove so far. She was so natural, playing songs for me and singing along, while we were both slow to get the text messages translated and sent. I think I'm in love already.
So this morning, I wrote 1 last EMF to the ladies on chnlove, basically saying I was leaving the site and would not accept their EMF replies (for now). But if they wanted to follow me privately on email or QQ, I'd love to hear from them. I didn't put it quite that bluntly of course as I know if they are genuine it may cause offence, but you get the idea. I also asked them to send me a natural photo of them with a picture of me or my name written on paper or similar to prove they actually knew me. I mentioned my past experience with the agency translator and fake emails. I implored the translator to pass the message on in full otherwise there would be no more communication and no long term role or revenue for them either. It will be interesting to see if any of them actually follow up.
Meanwhile I'm really looking forward to more webcam chats tonight, after spending Christmas day with my extended family.
Merry Christmas bros,
Steve
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Try Blossoms.com It is much cheaper.
You also have Robert Snellgrove's site too.
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http://niwot.net/MerryChristmas.htm (http://niwot.net/MerryChristmas.htm) is good.
http://www.chinalovematch.net/ (http://www.chinalovematch.net/) is where I found my wife.
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Way to go Steve , I along with others on here are also QQ devotees , and now your only problem will be sorting out the wheat from the chaff on QQ and seeing you have a cam nothing could be better and money saving , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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Hi all,
Another update. I got 3 replies from my 'ultimatum' EMF to the 3 ladies I have been writing to.
1. From M, outraged and upset at me for not trusting her and thinking she was not real etc etc. I actually think this email protests too much and it is a translator. No attempt by her to send it by private email even though she has sent 1 before. I blocked her and sent her a private email explaining again why I need to do this. I don't expect a response. Her photos were the most heavily photoshopped, and not very well done either. A shame if she really was real though.
2. From S, and a total fluff EMF with absolutely no reference to my email or my requests - oblivious to everything. The funny thing is as I was reading this, up popped one of those 'chat to me now' windows with her in it, so I did. In the brief chat I asked some direct questions about some of our previous email content. I just got puzzled responses. I have laid another complaint with chnlove. This is clearly not the woman writing, and the translator has amnesia or there are different translators operating that don't read the file notes beforehand. It is almost laughable, except they are crooks.
3. From L. Totally understanding of my reasons, and she wants to continue in any way possible, giving me her email address, and even a note from the translator with her own private email address and willing to help in any way and answer my questions. The total opposite reaction from number 1 above. I still don't know for certain that this is not a very clever agency, but it certainly seems sincere. I have written to her privately and await her reply.
Meanwhile the QQ thing is going great, except I'm not getting much work done with all these women wanting to chat :). Even many way younger than what I am looking for.
The hardest part coming up soon will be to decide which 1 woman to continue communicating with. It's impossible to keep up this pace for too much longer.
Cheers,
Steve
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Hi Steve, welcome to the site. I understand your time being eaten up. It can become a wonderful distraction trying to find the right lady. I would recommend http://imtranslator.com (http://imtranslator.com). It will translate back to English for you. I always work until I find what I want to say. Sometimes it will translate it more succinctly because English can be a bit convoluted, well mine anyway. It was recommended by someone on this site.
BTW, good luck in your search. I think that most men here would agree that it takes time, money and persistence most of all to find the right woman for you.
In hindsight, I would not have used Cnlove. Good luck
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To get away from chnlove translators , I hired my own. I then my emails directly to the girl in chinese and she would write to me in Chinese and I would send it to my translator to translate in English and resend back to me. To me it is worth the cost and time. Then I KNOW that I am talking to my friend and not their translator. If you want to use the translator I used, email me and I can send her email address to you.
My email is " motosue@hawaii.rr.com "
wilfred
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谢谢。
这是好事。
我很高兴。
我希望你睡不好觉。
Try www.mdbg.net (http://www.mdbg.net) - you get the translation, plus a detailed explanation of the words used. the last one clearly has: bu hao - not well (I hope you sleep not well).
change the translation software you use, and double check before sending it.
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Thanks Neil,
That explains it. I have been using mainly Google (and QQ) to translate and it does not show the negative in this case. I have found the same thing on a few other occasions. The negative certainly does not work well when you are trying to communicate with a woman!
Anyway, I am finding it a lot easier to communicate using QQ, Any translation issues are quickly resolved before any offence can be taken.
cheers,
Steve
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I sometimes get frustrated with Google Translate (MDBG uses Google Translate as it's engine as well). I understand that translation can't be easy but I don't understand how a negative can get thrown into the mix randomly. Early on in my relationship with my wife, I told her that if I ever say anything out of the ordinary, she should tell me to check the translation. With an understanding partner, mistakes are just that and no offence is taken (hopefully).
I'm also loving the fact that qq has incorporated an instant translation button, though sometimes I chat with my english speaking friends and accidentally hit the translate button out of habit.
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Hi Neil,
Yes the QQ translate is good. It is often different to Google and I use both sometimes as a comparison. Just a few minutes ago my lady who is chatting on her phone while at work, said:
我上班，很好，现在不忙
QQ translates that as: I go to work, is good, not be busy now
Google says: I go to work, well, now busy
It doesn't really matter, as I assume as she is chatting to me during work hours that she really is not that busy. But it makes me wonder how many other times we have got lost in translation.
cheers,
Steve
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Well I have been learning Chinese for 1 year. The first 6 months I was super lazy. I could not really understand a thing after 6 months.
The last 6 months I have learned quite a lot.
I can understand basic spoken Chinese. And simple stuff like prices, exit, entrance, toilet, man, woman, Chinese characters.
I think if you put your heart in it, get a good teacher that can teach you at least once a week face to face. Or even more often. You can learn basic Chinese in maybe 3 months, enough to know if the sentences are understandable that you make with a translator (google translate for me) (as an example if I write something in English, then translate to Chinese, then translate the Chinese back to English. By looking at both of the sentences and pinyin I can understand if the meaning is somewhat similar to what I want to say).
I want to learn a lot more Chinese. To be able to communicate with my girls family and friends better. At the moment it is quite limited. Because they really can't speak English. And my Chinese is not enough to make proper conversations.
So I have to work hard...
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Hi all,
A couple of months on and I thought I'd update this thread.
I still chat on QQ to the first lovely woman I met there, although we have no long term future, we are just good friends now. I have not been to China yet but when I do I'll be trying to get to meet her for sure.
Meanwhile I gave up on chnlove and never got any satisfactory resolution to my complaints. I know when to cut my losses and move on.
I joined a couple of other sites, but the best one I found was chineselovelinks. I lurked there for a month before trusting it enough to pay for a 1 month subscription. Within days I was flooded with messages and replies to my 'interests'. After 1 week I had to shut it down even though I paid for a month.
Since then I have been chatting regularly to a few of them and things have developed to the point that I will have to make some serious decisions soon about who to carry on with. Before anyone gets hurt which I have no intention of doing.
Incidentally one of them who seemed very prim and proper and well spoken (she's an English teacher), just asked me if I would help her by sending her money to buy a new phone because she dropped her old one accidentally in her bucket of water when mopping the floor. I have stalled her as I do not want to be doing that so early in our relationship. SO maybe that is an easy one to eliminate now - a pity as she was so lovely otherwise. I told her that maybe she should buy a cheap phone for now, and when I come to China to visit her we can buy her a decent new phone together. We're not talking a lot of money here - she wants 1850 yuan, but I think it might be the start of a slippery slope considering we have not met or chatted on a webcam yet - just lots of emails and a couple of phone calls over about 8 weeks.
Can you guys tell me if it is common for Chinese woman to not consider sex before marriage? There is one lady in particular I am getting on extremely well with. She says she loves me and wants to marry me. When I said I would come to visit she said she would take me to see the sights and places of historical interest. I jokingly asked does her bedroom count as a place of historical interest, whereby she said she was a good girl and that we would not be married at that stage so I would be in a hotel. Any thoughts? I'm 53 and she is 44 and we've both been through a failed marriage. From a Western point of view, staying together would have been the norm I feel, but I'm happy to just go with the flow with her.
This is in stark contrast to some of the other women I have chatted to on QQ, but then again they are not the ones I feel I might have a long term future with.
Oh, and the translation issues that I started this thread with: not really a problem any more as I have got used to what type of language translates well and what doesn't and I structure my words to suit. I also use the built in QQ translate as well as Google plus other engines if I find any misunderstandings. This reinforces in my mind how fraudulent the chnlove EMF emails were with so-called professional translators, whereas I have no problems communicating and joking with women on QQ that speak no English at all.
cheers,
Steve
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Hi Steve , you can forget about the one asking for a phone if she really wants one you can pick up a reasonable one for a couple of hundred Yuan .
Many Chinese ladies do not understand our way of joking it is a bit like you hearing half a question and then nodding your head .
Just because the lady said you will stay in a hotel which may be true as far as she is concerned as it can be a no no for a Westerner to be seen in her residence , it does not mean as things progress that she may not have to go home every night depending on who is at home [ she may have to feed the dog or bird ] but things like that are only ever discussed after you have met face to face , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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Can you guys tell me if it is common for Chinese woman to not consider sex before marriage? There is one lady in particular I am getting on extremely well with. She says she loves me and wants to marry me. When I said I would come to visit she said she would take me to see the sights and places of historical interest. I jokingly asked does her bedroom count as a place of historical interest, whereby she said she was a good girl and that we would not be married at that stage so I would be in a hotel. Any thoughts? I'm 53 and she is 44 and we've both been through a failed marriage. From a Western point of view, staying together would have been the norm I feel, but I'm happy to just go with the flow with her.
She may well want to go home at night but in my youthful days here before I found the perfect wife I found only one previously married woman in the 35 - 48 age bracket that not indulge in lifes No.1 pleasure. Was glad about that one exception as she was about as pretty as a camels back side.
Willy
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From my email to M with both Chinese and English (deliberately kept very simple):
谢谢。
这是好事。
我很高兴。
我希望你睡不好觉。
Thank you.
This is good.
I am very happy.
I hope you sleep well.
She replied via EMF saying:
I am confused about something you wrote. Hey, what did you mean when you said something good? Why didn't want me to sleep well? Did I say anything wrong? I hope not.
Another example to S:
我希望你能来新西兰，以满足我。I hope you can come to New Zealand to meet me.
Her reply (via EMF) contained this:
In fact, the Chinese you wrote is also a little confusing....What did you try to say ?
Can you tell me ? Did you say you don't welcome me to visit New Zealand ? Why is that ?
I hope you like me.
Another example, this time written by S as a test for me to translate, and I can't get a decent translation for this at all:
下午好，唔知道你而家系度做D咩呢？
我而家睇紧韩剧啊，你钟意睇韩剧架吗？你平时钟意睇咩个呢？？
希望你可以明白我嘅中文信啦！
Hahahaha. Omg, that's sooooo funny.
谢谢。
这是好事。
我很高兴。
我希望你睡不好觉。
Thanks.
That's good.
I'm very happy.
I hope you have a bad sleep. (so weird! Lmao )
我希望你能来新西兰，以满足我。
I hope you can come to New Zealand to satisfy me.
下午好，唔知道你而家系度做D咩呢？
我而家睇紧韩剧啊，你钟意睇韩剧架吗？你平时钟意睇咩个呢？？
希望你可以明白我嘅中文信啦！
(Cantonese)
Good afternoon. What are you doing at your home now?(= What is up?)
I'm watching Korean soap opera. Do you like the Korean soap opera? What kind of TV dramas do you watch usually? (Many women like Korean soap operas in China.)
Hopefully you can understand my Chinese letter. (Seemed the answer was NO. lol)
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Incidentally one of them who seemed very prim and proper and well spoken (she's an English teacher), just asked me if I would help her by sending her money to buy a new phone because she dropped her old one accidentally in her bucket of water when mopping the floor. I have stalled her as I do not want to be doing that so early in our relationship. SO maybe that is an easy one to eliminate now - a pity as she was so lovely otherwise. I told her that maybe she should buy a cheap phone for now, and when I come to China to visit her we can buy her a decent new phone together. We're not talking a lot of money here - she wants 1850 yuan, but I think it might be the start of a slippery slope considering we have not met or chatted on a webcam yet - just lots of emails and a couple of phone calls over about 8 weeks.
Can you guys tell me if it is common for Chinese woman to not consider sex before marriage? There is one lady in particular I am getting on extremely well with. She says she loves me and wants to marry me. When I said I would come to visit she said she would take me to see the sights and places of historical interest. I jokingly asked does her bedroom count as a place of historical interest, whereby she said she was a good girl and that we would not be married at that stage so I would be in a hotel. Any thoughts? I'm 53 and she is 44 and we've both been through a failed marriage. From a Western point of view, staying together would have been the norm I feel, but I'm happy to just go with the flow with her.
Firstly Steve....
NEVER, never, never, never send money to ANYBODY you have not met personally. This is the Golden Rule, and you ignore it at your peril !!!...yes, I know it is only little money by Western Standards, but it IS the start of a slippery slope and it also further encouragers other scammers to keep playing these bastard games.
Secondly, On the subject of horizontal dancing....my only comment is that any woman who would openly discuss the wheres and whyfors of sexual activity with a Man she had never met would be really suspect, so dont get invollved in these sort of questions. If she wants to openly discuss sexual matters with a stranger...beware !!!!.
What you will find in reality, when she has met you and you seem to tick all the boxes...then stand back, you will likely astounded by the outcome (in the nicest possible way)!!!!.
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Hey, thanks for all the replies - that's awesome.
Robert: I think you are right about the first woman unfortunately. I am still chatting to her for now - she has stopped asking for money, I just want to see what she does next. About the hotel thing, I also suspect you are right, at least I hope so. She has family around so I can understand why I would not be staying at her house. I know what you mean about understanding joking, but with this second lady we kid each other all the time and she gives as good as she gets. The other day (in QQ but with no video) she said that she read that the world will end in 2012 and what was I going to do? I suspected she was kidding, so I said she would have to come to NZ immediately and could she bring my other 11 Chinese girlfriends with her? She said of course but did I have room for her boyfriends as well? This was all in written Chinese.
Willy: Is that your real name or your given name from all those women? :) Thanks, I suspect once she and I meet I will understand pretty quick where things are heading long term for us, and that's the most important thing.
Sunny: Thanks for clearing that translation up. I always wondered what that meant, and knowing it was Cantonese confirms it. On another occasion she mentioned Cantonese but I didn't appreciate what she meant at the time.
David: Yes I was tempted just to send the money, but thankfully I paused to read more of the great advice on this forum first.
Cheers,
Steve
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Hey, thanks for all the replies - that's awesome.
Willy: Is that your real name or your given name from all those women? :) Thanks, I suspect once she and I meet I will understand pretty quick where things are heading long term for us, and that's the most important thing.
They usually call me Wirry Da! 8) But not one to get the women too excited I leave the 'big' accolade off. ;D
Willy
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Hi all,
Things are progressing nicely for me and I am all booked for my first trip to China in early May to Guangzhou then Chengdu. If anyone is interested in tracking my story and chipping in with much-needed advice I'll maybe start a new thread in another forum (suggestions welcome).
Originally I was going to do like Gerry (until I read his story), and try and visit all the women I had on my short list. But now I have one special woman to visit, and a vague backup plan if there are any show-stopping issues between us there.
My visa to get into China was all done inside 2 working days. After reading here about all the problems in getting wives out of China, I sure hope it will be easier for me bringing her into New Zealand but that is way down the track at this stage. We have to get past this short trip to meet each other first. Then there's the small matter of my divorce...
cheers,
Steve
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Sounds good Steve. It is always amazing at how easy it is for us to get our visa processed. trying to get the ladies oput of China is like pulling teeth. Expensive and painful. I was told that most Chinese nationals are processed in Shanghai, and there are huge line-ups down the street for people waiting to submit their forms.
All the best buddy
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All the best for your trip Steve, I have not been there but smart booking your trip when winter is finishing in the northern hemisphere. I was there last February and it was way too cold for me even then. I am looking forward to your updates.
Pete, it all depends on where your wife is from as to where the forms are to be submitted. Check the Australia Chinese website it is all there. There maybe also some info in the Oz requirements section on here.
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Hi all,
Things are progressing nicely for me and I am all booked for my first trip to China in early May to Guangzhou then Chengdu. If anyone is interested in tracking my story and chipping in with much-needed advice I'll maybe start a new thread in another forum (suggestions welcome).
Originally I was going to do like Gerry (until I read his story), and try and visit all the women I had on my short list. But now I have one special woman to visit, and a vague backup plan if there are any show-stopping issues between us there.
My visa to get into China was all done inside 2 working days. After reading here about all the problems in getting wives out of China, I sure hope it will be easier for me bringing her into New Zealand but that is way down the track at this stage. We have to get past this short trip to meet each other first. Then there's the small matter of my divorce...
cheers,
Steve
Steve,
I do not know about New Zealand, but meeting potential fiancees or future wives before your current marriage is terminated has caused problems and sometimes denials for Americans that were seeking visas for their new wife or fiancee. Not trying to rain on your parade, but if you are really serious about this woman you may want to investigate New Zealand's immigration policy/regulations further concerning your current marital status during your first meeting before you and her actually meet in person! Good Luck and Best Wishes, Robert
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Listen to Robert. Resolve that issue. Don't take the chance.
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oh shit - really?
I have to wait more than another 12 months before a divorce, unless I can get get the ex to agree earlier. Slim chance as we can not agree on anything, how unusual!
I'm booked to go. I love her. I'm going - to hell with it. I'll face the issues later. We are both aware of a long wait until we can be together permanently, but I hope this trip does not stuff that up too much.
Is there a better forum/topic to start boring you all with my story?
cheers,
Steve
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I thought I was in love too but I stayed put in the USA until I got the final divorce decree. It just made better sense. While I was waiting I discovered a lot of truth about chnlove, translators and swindles. I am glad I waited. I ended up many months later with someone else.
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Am I not glad that my last marriage was my first and last.
No problem of divorces or who get the kids, the house, the money the legal bill!! And then you add to this the trauma and cost of getting women back to your own homes.
Ok either you are all nuts or have I been missing out on a great deal along the line. You all seem to be so happy doing it or is that the preliminaries before you are all carted off to the funny farm?
My sisters think I am the mad one but after three years on here I really am not sure. ;D ;D
Willy
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Willy
I would be just about certain that all of Guys here who had a failed mariage would have preferred that the marriage was the first and only one.
I would be equally sure that none of the Guys got married on the basis that "This is the first, I look forward to the second, third etc etc."
It is the most natural and normal thing on the Planet for young people to form associations, fall in love, get married, have kids etc when they are young...that's how Nature intended it.
You, on the other hand, never had the need, desire, opportunity (or whatever) to get married until you were much older.....that was your choice and you are the one "out of step", not the rest of the World.
Many, many of us went through painful, difficult, expensive divorces because circumstances changed...NOT because we simply wanted the thrill of another marriage !!!! The custody/property/money issues resulting are unfortunate but inevitable collateral damage.
To suggest that everybody who gets married young has some sort of mental abberation and is prelude to committment to a Lunatic Asylum is juvenile, offensive and just plain nonsense...
At least we were not scared of the committment and responsibility of children, mortgage, sharing and all the other stuff that goes with a marriage........unlike some people I could mention
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David
It is very rarely that I ever write anything serious on here.
The piece you are refering to is a bit tongue in the cheek.
Not sure about where the 'married young' came into it. Me I left home at 16 and I have been in love with woman in at least 32 of the countries I have been to! Ok may not have lasted till the next morning in some cases but others continued for several months. Even made me stay in Nigeria for four months, one of the most corrupt countries in the world. Now that had to be real love!!! Taxi where you get wetter inside when it rained than outside. You think some Chinese food is bad then try eating giant black snails wrapped in newspaper from roadside traders. Forget dog and chicken feet these snails take some chewing. But I viverse.
But never ever wanted to have kids. I thought it was best that my lineage ran out with me and as far as I am aware there are no multi-racial Willys in the world.
Not scared of a commitments. To me there was not a need for it. Just as well not many like me in the world otherwise it would be a much smaller place. (No not a dig at you Robbie) Maybe my needs were different to others.
But far from downcrying anyone I was admiring the fortitude of guys on here for what they have gone through in their lives and others just starting on the road who having read this forum are still determined to go forward.
Willy
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David
It is very rarely that I ever write anything serious on here.
Not sure about where the 'married young' came into it. Willy
OK Willy...but you often write stuff that is serious...please check back on some of your posts... ;D ;D ;D
However, the point I was trying to make is that it is very usual for MOST people to marry when young, have their kids, mortgage.....and all the rest of it !!!, You obviously had many, many liasons that did NOT lead to a conventional marriage as above...and that was your choice, but you gotta agree that it is not typical. The fact that over 60% of these first marriages crash and burn, is unfortunate, but it is very rarely part of anyone's plan to marry many times...unless they were, as you say, completely loopy....but, sh**t happens !!
Cheers...David