China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: toby on March 18, 2012, 10:25:53 am
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Hi guys,
Don't know if any of you remember me, but I was a member here a couple of years ago-I think my account name at that time was trwme. Took a detour and deleted my account (long story, won't bore ya'll with it), but now I'm back. Not sure at this time what the end result of that will be-still mulling some options-but I had a question for the bros here.
I've reactivated my chnlove account, and have of course received numerous admirer mails. One major difference between the ones I've received now and the ones I received in the past is that quite a few of these ladies claim to have a visa to travel here and/or are planning on making visits to the U.S. (where I live) to visit friends or family, and suggesting meetings. This is quite different from my past experiences at chnlove.
Of course, this makes me suspicious and excites me at the same time, lol.
My question is, has travel become easier for these ladies? OR is this a new come on angle at chnlove to suck you in and soak up your emf credits? I swear, I must have admirer letters from 30 ladies offering to come here, one of which who claims to already be in the U.S.
What gives?
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Hello Toby,
With the recession also came belt tightening around the world. Among items that were possibly sacrificed was expensive emf's, so ChinaLove had to re-think and re-tool to enable them to keep men spending money with their agencies. Just ask yourself 1 question, Why would a woman that can get a visa or already has a visa pay their marriage/membership fees? Why would a woman already in your country pay an agency in China to introduce her to men she sees everyday on the streets of your country. Their may be a FEW women that can get visas, but the vast majority can not, That is how ChinaLove stays in business ( promising to introduce the women to men that the women would not normally have access to and promising men the same thing! If I was you I would hide my profile and then search at my own pace, because once you respond to one letter you will be charged for every small note the agency translator sends you! There are good women there , but take your time and keep your eyes open for EMF credit abuse by agency translators. Good Luck, Robert
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Hi Robert,
Thanks for your reply. Those are the questions I've been asking myself too. Things have obviously changed at that place since I was last there. Some of the admirer mails are genuine-there were scammers there last time, and I've been at this online thing for a while, so I learned to be suspicious a long time ago. If you can pay attention you can tell who is just sending a come on and who actually read your profile maybe, lol. I mainly returned to chnlove to recontact a lady I was involved with previously (we talked on the phone quite a bit) but also to just pick up where I left off.
I figured out quick some of those visa girls were probably scams. There are a few however that I'm wondering aren't just looking to immigrate here.
One lady who claims a visa actually interests me-it's obvious she (or somebody, lol) took the time to read my profile. It was a pretty personal admirer letter, much more than the usual 'I wanna love you in all ways/aren't I sexy chinese wife for you?' stuff. In fact she is the reason I posted this question here. If what her profile and her letter say is genuine, then she and I would have a ton of things in common, inculding a perspective on life, and I'd love to check her out.
I'm just getting the lay of the land there now in case Xin isn't interested in picking things back up, or she's found someone else by now. I won't be limiting myself to chnlove; I'm on a couple of other sites as well (cll and clm), and am planning on redownloading QQ here shortly as well.
Another thing is that I've also received several requests for private email contact. I was told here in the past that this wasn't common, although at that time I did exchange email addresses with a couple of ladies via the translator and communicated with them through that. So I know it's not unheard of. This time around I've received a ton of requests for my email address, one even insists that's how she prefers to talk. That one claims she wrote her own admirer letter without the translator. She also sent me completely natural photos of herself with it.
Anyway, thanks for the patience and answers.
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I wonder if Toby gets paid by the hour?
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if you like anyone of your admirers, than do it!
ask her for a photocopy of her visa.
I would request that on the very next reply.
I think it worth a few credits to find the reality of the situation.
if it works out, great.
you can visit her with clarity of the situation or
you can buy a refundable air ticket in her name.
(I, myself, much prefer the China visit)
if not, than you are out only a few $s.
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I wonder if Toby gets paid by the hour?
Sure do. Nice to see you again Neil, btw.
if you like anyone of your admirers, than do it!
ask her for a photocopy of her visa.
I would request that on the very next reply.
I think it worth a few credits to find the reality of the situation.
if it works out, great.
you can visit her with clarity of the situation or
you can buy a refundable air ticket in her name.
(I, myself, much prefer the China visit)
if not, than you are out only a few $s.
Hi John, I haven't started spending emf money yet. I thought I'd ask the bros thoughts on this and get up to speed on what has changed or is new with all this before I did so. I'm also, as I said, mulling some options about the direction I want to go in with my life right now. I now have custody of my 9 year old daughter (cost me $10,000 the last couple of years getting that accomplished), and my main focus is providing for her, and everything else has to fit into that context.
As I mentioned, I'd like to pick things back up with Xin, and that's my starting point-if in the end I choose to go this route. Not ready to approach her yet though. I'd like to make a trip to china, but that may be problematic with my job.
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Toby,
Are you aware chnlove changed their policy,exchange of private contact info is now banned in EMF's,live chat,etc.There is some doubt whether the agencies are following this new rule,coz as you say ladies are asking for guys email in the admire mails???,this might be a ploy to start the EMF's rolling???
cheers
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Toby,
There are sites other than ChnLove where you can meet women without paying through the nose! You might want to check out some of these and get some practice translating because if you hook up with the right one on a pay by letter arrangement it gets expensive very quickly. The agencies receive a percentage of each credit you spend for translating, so it is not in their best interest for you and her to trade private contact information. I think they sometimes throw wrenches into perfectly good relationships with bad translations just so you ask for their assistance to smooth things over while also demonstrating how much you need their services to maintain a happy relationship. ( especially if you keep insisting for private contact information ) When the world economy tanked it cut deeply into the agencies and Chnlove profits. The number of trips to visit agencies are down and many men simply do not have the surplus cash flow of days past so the agencies had to sweeten the pot to entice men to visit and also keep them on emf's as long as possible to pay for the translators. The agencies are doing this for profit and most have a contract with the lady promising to find them a husband, if they fail to deliver they have to return the fee or a portion of the fee to the woman. So you will have to decide for yourself about the creditability of each and every agency you deal with and how far they will go to seal the deal. You have used ChnLove before so you know the score, nothing has changed that much except the price of emf's. Any way good luck in your search. Regards, Robert
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I Personally would not waste 1 cent on another web-dating site, Every day I get requests on QQ from women all over China who are looking for a western husband, To tell you the truth it is a little annoying when you decline their request and they keep trying , MinYing can hear the request bell when we are on -line every day and she too is annoyed with this, Dating sites are expensive and many men have been taken for a ride by some very shady agencies, I would just stick to QQ, NO COST, John
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Yes John , I would have to agree with you about qq , I have about 40 ladies with whom I talk , some are Sujuans workers here in Melb , but the majority are from all over China and are practising their English only a couple are married and they all know I am already hooked so it is fun and sometimes Sujuan also chats to them , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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That's how I met my wife - just a random qq friend.
By the way, you can turn off random friend requests somewhere in the options - probably privacy settings. I got tired of the crazy people asking for money or looking for business opportunities, or free English lessons.
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Actually, I only have used Chnlove so far. Things are looking up though, as.. I now use just Skype and qq* of course. ( * qq = Qing Qing ) :P ;).
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Thanks guys. As Robert said, I've used chnlove before, so I knew the score going in, but it seems to have gotten worse for sure. I haven't spent a dime on an emf so far, probably won't unless I decide to contact Xin again. I'm also on clm, and have private emails going with a couple of ladies there. I'm in no hurry right now. I appreciate all the heads up from the members on the issues there now.
As far as QQ, I had that before too, but man, I met some strange people on there. As I go along I'll probably eventually reinstall it.
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Toby, whatever you do, please do not rely on QQ to find yrself a woman, that is just totally fraught with danger. Anyone who had success with random QQ meetings is extremely, and I mean extremely, lucky. There are all sorts of weirdos, even plenty of criminals, using the site. The Chinese authorities have had no end of problems with it, statistically, it makes Facebook look like a children's soft toy.
I am in the legal profession and have a colleague who is now almost full time working on QQ and Facebook disasters, and QQ is handsomely winning the race.
ChnLove and other sites may have their faults, indeed they do have their faults, but the genuine women are screened, and the scams are monitored. Sure, you may lose your dollars needlessly on credits, or go to China and be spurned, but at least you won't be the victim of identity theft, or far worse.
QQ is a great communication tool, use it to your little hearts content when you have found your lady, but please do NOT use it to meet a potential partner on line. Ou wold to believe how easy it is to steal all sorts of things from you on-line.
As an anecdote, the wife of a friend decided she loved meeting people from all over the world on Facebook, had a wonderful time until she decided to take a flight to see her son in Fiji.mturns out her 285,000 frequent flyer points had somehow become 11,000.... Turned out a guy in Germany she was chatting to had taken the lot. You would be amazed what can be accomplished on-line hehe!! Leave the "friend finding" to young kids with no assets, trust me.....
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Wow Nigel , Are you getting paid by Chnlove to dis-courage people from using anything other than Chnlove ???, With the many people here very disappointed with the "dark side", I think you should let us all have options, I was one of the lucky ones to have found my bride, "At great expense to us both", As for "weirdos" , I think the Agencies have enough of their own, Just another way to scam money from us all, I think that QQ is a great way, "And not costly" to meet a Chinese woman , Just my 50 cents worth , John .
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I don't think many people here will recommend Chnlove anymore. While you can meet some rough characters on qq, it is only a tool for communication. If you're naive enough to give a stranger on the internet enough information to hurt you, maybe it's a lesson you need to learn the hard way. As with any relationship, it's going to take some serious face to face time to create something lasting and worthwhile.
QQ is no different than Chnlove. Both and more can be used to meet people. Both can be abused to prevent real, honest contact, or to deceive and scam people.
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in my opinion, Nigel is correct.
if I had to do it again, I will use ChnLove.
but in an entirely different way.
peruse the website, pick & choose the city, the agency, knock on the door.
maybe simplistic, but then again that huge backlog of profiles does exist. there are
the 'hidden' gems. it just takes the time for discovery and an air ticket to travel.
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John we have in the past suggested.What you posted.And the members who used your suggetion.Had a good time.And more then one member found his wife this way.That was back in the days before we broke off and started are own forum.
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I will repeat what I said...... There seems to be a little misunderstanding.
I wholeheartedly recommend QQ to communicate with your lady once a relationship is established, I merely point out that using QQ to FIND a girl is fraught with serious danger. Trust me, if you found one there you are bloody lucky, and you were playing with serious fire.
Am I paid by Chn Love??....wow, what an ignorant and stupid comment. I think we are all here to receive and give advice, not to demean somebody who posts some advice you do not agree with.
Anyway, there is my advice, based on some very real and equally unfortunate experiences, ignore it at your own peril.
Cheers,
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Nigel, I asked a simple question, Are you being paid by Chnlove?, Whether you think it is demeaning, ignorant or stupid, It seemed to me that you were dead against anyone to use QQ in the search of a Potential bride, I was lucky enough to find my wonderful wife through Chnlove but many others before me have been "burnt" by Non existent women and the money grabbing agencies, QQ is a wonderful way to meet women from China and I do agree with the identity theft and the weir-does that prowl the site, I have had my identity hacked twice and my QQ friends were asked , By who they thought was me, For money, I have been lucky not to have been ripped off as i am sure there are ways of doing this with our electronic world, Again I repeat, I would never use Chnlove again as for the cost and the potential of being burnt by agencies.
QQ for me is great, No Emails and being to talk to somebody face to face, I know of 5 people personally who have found a Chinese bride through QQ international and out of those 5 , 3 of them have tried Chnlove and would NEVER use their services again.
Anyway, there is my advice, John.
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One thing you should never do is to tell anyone your real birthday. From that alone a great deal can be found out about you. But sometimes they are more crafty. First they weedle the day and month. The later they casually ask how old you are and soon they are building a profile. I know I did Heir Hunting for several years and it is surprising how small a bit of inform can result in finding out a great deal about a person.
Before you say - we have your birthday on your profile. But have you? - I am like the Queen of England wherew every one knows her official birthday and many know her actual birthday but only my wife and my four sisters know mine!!!
Willy
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There are many avenues outside of chnlove that are available for men who specifically want to meet a Chinese woman. Nigel does bring up a good point about QQ. However, lets not forget that scammers lurk everywhere, on all the sites. We have said it many times in the past...go in with your eyes wide open. As for checking out possible scammers, you guys might want to check out the dragonladies.org site. I am not saying they list every scammer...but it might be worth checking out.
Personally, if I was going to look to China for a significant other, I likely would not use chnlove. They are too expensive, and there are too many pitfalls with the translator being in the middle.
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Personally, if I was going to look to China for a significant other, I likely would not use chnlove. They are too expensive, and there are too many pitfalls with the translator being in the middle.
The question of money has come up again. What price would you guys be willing to pay?
I know that you guys that have been successful could not put a price on what you now have as I cannot not. However was there any price capping that you would have placed.
We know that Chnlove does do a great deal to stop scammers from operating from within the agencies but that is because for every dollar the scammer takes then it is a dollar less for them to take. But is it the best of a bad bunch? Although I found my wife without an agency it was only Chnlove that pointed me to the
the place where I now want to be.
My own comment on money matters is that if money is such an issue then do not embarked on this journey in the first place.
Willy
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Thanks again guys for all the comments. I guess it all points up the fact that no matter which avenue you use, it is fraught with dangers and wastes of time. I've been using clm lately, and have met a couple of ladies there who I am in email contact with now. I'm in a very go slow mode right now-not in any hurry. And I've been very upfront on that with the ladies I've talked to there-I figure that will weed out some of the less serious ones, and besides, it is just where I am at right at this moment and there's no use coming on strong and presenting myself as something I'm not.
As for QQ, as I said I've used it, and I am hesitant to use it as a means of meeting someone-it is a great tool for communication once you've met someone, but I've randomly met a lot of scammers there, including one lady boy who tried to convince me he was a she and it was ok to cyber sex with him! Fortunately something told me there was something amiss, so I insisted she/he go first, and he finally admitted what he was.
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Personally, if I was going to look to China for a significant other, I likely would not use chnlove. They are too expensive, and there are too many pitfalls with the translator being in the middle.
The question of money has come up again. What price would you guys be willing to pay?
My own comment on money matters is that if money is such an issue then do not embarked on this journey in the first place.
Willy
It is not just money but also the major investment in time. When money take a higher precedence over time, then I think the decision on looking for a wife moves more towards it being a business transaction. Make no doubt about it, looking abroad for a new broad becomes a major lifestyle change. The money invested might not give you a good rate of return, but the time you spend travelling to distant shores can give vast knowledge that is a wealth of experience.
I too would not use Chnlove or any other agency again, but then I am speaking from a postion of experience that I acquired because of my investment in not only money but 4 years in time.
This will be the 1st year that I am not too sure what I will do for summer holidays. The last three years I used up my vocation time making trips to China. The Hunt for my Red October Shoes has concluded with her pair here at last in there is no place like home. ;)
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I would have thought all you married men would have been on to say 'whatever I spent was worth every penny"
Hmm! What can we make of that?
Willy
I do not berudge the 19 dollars 32 cents it cost me 8)
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I would have thought all you married men would have been on to say 'whatever I spent was worth every penny"
Hmm! What can we make of that?
Willy
I do not berudge the 19 dollars 32 cents it cost me 8)
Jeez Willy.........you're at it again... ;D ;D ;D
I was not going to "bite" at your trick question, because it a similar question to the old Psycho trick..."When did you stop beating your wife"...there is no answer to your question about the cost/value for money when you speak of the quest for a Chinese wife.
...any answer brings an automatic condemmneation....its a zero sum game !!!!
But I just had to respond.......
The question of what we would be prepared to spend, is unanswerable IN HINDSIGHT. If you ask the question BEFORE the quest begins, it has a little (just a little) more relevance.
After all, money has many different relevances to all of us, some guys would spend all they have to find a good wife....and this might be hundreds, thousands or hundreds of thousand dollars. Others could say that any investment they make (however large or small) must have at least a chance of success, or it becomes simply a waste of precious resources (however they define "precious")
Very few men would think that a Chinese wife would come at no cost....our various Immigration Departments insist on at least one personal meeting before we can even consider bringing a fiance/bride to our country....and that costs at least an airfare and hotel etc.
Some guys genuinely cant afford multiple trips and all the asociated costs to go to and fro to China on "prospecting" expeditions, are these guys any less genuine than those who can afford to go as many times as they want ???
Whatever we spend, if we find the right woman...it is worth it. If we dont find her, it was not worth it.....but what price do you put on the total experience of going to this wonderful Country to find out ??
If you want to define anybody's experience of finding love as a dollar and cents equation...then you are a bigger cynic than even I thought ;D ;D ;D
If it costs $1000 dollars to find your life partner, or $100,000 .....it is of no relevance if you are a pauper or a millionaire....you both have an entirely different perspective.
Now Willy, if you want to ask the RIGHT question it is :
"How big a percentage of your nett wealth would you invest in the search for a Chinese Bride".........and you cant ask this question of married Men....whatever their individual circumstances, they already answered.
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David E well said.
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Rhon
I am happy to see that you are going down the "shoe fetish" track...been there. done that !!!
As I look around my home now, there are 3 pairs of Ming's shoes just inside the front door...
There are 2 pairs (different) shoes in the lounge, another 2 pairs in the TV room, more outside the laundry, more outside the bedroom, and 3 pairs just outside the courtyard door which leads to "the outside" !!!...this is of course, the place where lurks billions of unspeakable diseases that will fatally infect any naked foot that is placed upon the "outside ground" ;D ;D ;D
I was speechless to find that she needed a pair of special shoes...TO ENTER THE SWIMMING POOL !!...she tells me that swimming pools in China are instant death and full of disease !!!
I have given up trying to persuade my Dear Wife that here in Australia, it is safe to put your feet on the ground, you wont die, it is a very clean place and our home is always spotless.
I am constantly looked at in a worrying way when I walk around bare-footed....always I find the odd pair of my shoes parked somewhere strategic so I get the hint and change into them as I move around...she's too polite to insist, but its like a slow drip...I dunno who is going to crack first...but I suspect it is me !!!
At the moment, Ming has just left for a visit to China for the Quing Ming Wah........I could not go with her this time due to other Business committments...but during her absence I might JUST dispose of all these shoes...but then again.......I probably should obey the 24 hr rule, because its no big deal really...just peculiar/humerous !!!
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My wife has about 4 pairs of shoes.She can only find the mate to one pair.The boys took the other shoes and threw them somewhere.so my wife is always walking around the house in mismatched slippers.I find it kind of funny.
David I will be more then happy to rent the boys to you.It should only take a couple of days for my boys to misplace your wife's shoes.
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I was not going to "bite" at your trick question, because it a similar question to the old Psycho trick..."When did you stop beating your wife"...
I beat my wife regulary - its the only thing I am good at.
Maybe it will change when she has learned to read the scrabble letters.
Until then I will go on with the beatings. ;D ;D
Willy
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My wife has about 4 pairs of shoes.She can only find the mate to one pair.The boys took the other shoes and threw them somewhere.so my wife is always walking around the house in mismatched slippers.I find it kind of funny.
David I will be more then happy to rent the boys to you.It should only take a couple of days for my boys to misplace your wife's shoes.
In your dreams Maxx !!!!!
Rent two young boys in return for a bit of shoe-shuffling ????
You'd need to be paying ME ;D ;D ;D
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But what would you do with "Peso's", they still use those in the Town where Maxx lives?
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My own comment on money matters is that if money is such an issue then do not embarked on this journey in the first place.
Willy
I only said that I would not use chnlove because I find them expensive. I did not say that I was not willing to spend money on a journey, and I did not say that money was a particular issue. I was speaking specifically of chnlove, and the pitfalls of dealing with translators, and shady agencies. We all know that not all agencies, and not all translators are bad. But I would not spend my money there trying to find out.