China Romance
All About China => Your trip to China => Topic started by: Sylvain D on May 05, 2009, 05:05:02 pm
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Hi guys ;)
Things haven't changed about travelling in June to go and visit Ting in Chongqing.
The letters we write to each other show our "common determination", wanting to see each other ASAP, and the feelings are still stronger.
So, I will be there from 21 June to 27 June.
For sure, yes, a week is short. But for those who can remember, at first, I wanted to go there for 2010, then for 2009, October, and since a few months, it is June, sure.
I have to admit that I envy lot of you who went in China and were very happy there. A special thought for Ronan who really amazed me with his story, and that "roman" he wrote each time he could ;)
Days are going and passing one by one, slowly but surely.. May is here, and so, in a couple of weeks, June will be here, too.
I have left a bit practising chinese because I had other "preoccupations" and could not really concentrate myself to learn some new words...
I do not even know if I could really help myself in a tramway....
God ! I'm just thinking to myself I could be lost for good, over there... as I could not understand what is written in ideograms...
Maybe should I practise again, spending some more time with learning chinese.
Ok my sentences in chinese are quite poor, so are the ideograms i can write... and understand... :mrgreen:
In fact, I have to say that it could be funny... and could not really be... for sure.
I would really understand my lady, once I will be there.. But what would happen if she just can't understand me if i can't speak chinese correctly...
So, I think I need to "take myself in hands" and to study like a good boy would do..
I reserved a room in a hotel, which is... Hilton.
Yes, the price aren't really cheap, but I do think that for the days I will be there, it can be a "nice travel" in all "criteria". For sure, I could have found other hotels cheaper, but ... I like sometimes having some part of "luxury", even if it is for a short period. And I do believe that Hilton hostels are really nice for many things.. (I just ask myself if I could see Paris Hilton over there.... lol)
I need to get my passport to be done, in fact I have all administrative papers, I got just a problem with the administration, (hometown) because they asked me a copy of my birthdate, with my parents names & so on...
The fact is that I had to ask to many hometowns before having the correct answer. As I was adopted, did I have to put my biological parents's name, or just my adoptive's one? Nobody except one hometown near where I live could tell me that I only had to put my adoptive's one, because they were as my real parents, that's all... and they didn't really understand why others hometowns wanted me to put my older family name with all the informations that I could never had (because I just know the family name, nothing else... )
Some researches about it have to be done, but it's not its righteous place, here, or shall I better say, in that topic.
So, once I will get my passport, I wil have to get my visa and all things will be clear.
I just have to get all of if before the end of this month, just to say that it's done.
I just don't know yet if I would buy any laptop to go over there, or if it's not really "recommanded" or necessary"...
AS there would be internet to Hilton's hostel, in fact?
I think it's all I can say at the moment.
I will update this topic if I have any new infos & so on.
Sylvain,
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Sylvain you speak French and English.You do better then most of the people on here with your English.I think Chinese will be easy for you.Just keep at it and keep your head up.All of us here at the brothehood are behind you.And yes we do need thoose daily up dates.
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Sylvain, I am pretty sure Ting and you will find out how to communicate. I am going to have the same problem with my lady when I am going to Urumqi. My chinese isn't that good either. Like yourself I have so many other things to take care of.
I can remember Sgt. Jim had bought at Super 5000 I tink it was called. He told he was very happy with the machine. Maybe he has some more details on it. I think I will buy such a powertoy myself. My lady has our translator as the only person to practice her english with. So, her english will be very basic when I get there. I guess I have to kick myself in the behind and get learning again, hehe.
Good luck with getting your papers done. We are all behind you!
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Sylvain , believe us , we are counting the day's with you , till it's time to be with your Lady . Ask her which would be easier for her to learn ? English or French ? Hehe . Maybe you two could compromise on Italian ? hehe
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Sylvain, I wish you the best, I'm certain that Gallic charm will work its wonders and she'll be swept off her feet :)
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Hi guys ;)
Many thanks first for your comments and advices,too :)
I'm sure that it's better for Ting to go on learning english as it is more "easy" than learning and speaking french.
About my administratives papers, today, I will go to do my passport, and then, when I will get it in a few days, I will do my visa ASAP.
I just think and see that days are going very very slowly before leaving for Chongqing.
But I have some time to do things as I want, so that's still a good thing.
I will try to see if I buy a laptop or not. For sure, I will find any web access over there, so, there should be no problem to post and to give any news ^^
I have to see, too, about having a blog where I could post easily.
Or maybe will I do it from my webspace... I'll see.
http://spaces.msn.com/titekus
Maybe will I use this one, I will see. (there's nothing really related to China, just any pictures from me, friends.. and any mucic's list.)
Thanks again for you to be here & there, with me, and your way to "encourage"/motivate me more and more ;)
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Well done Sylvain , you will be going into shirt sleeve weather as the last few days have been quite warm alreadyand as I will not be there till August to coincide with my Yings birthday I will be reading your info although we spend many hours chatting every pm , her time , funny though I am also staying at the Hilton Hotel .
Pretty good rates although we will only be there 3 nights before disappearing for a week hehe .
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Eheh Robert;) for sure, the rates are quite nice and I could even go swimming just after waking up every morning, for 5 days.. except if Ting and I would go anywhere else, but we'll have to see because it seems she can't have any hollidays when I'll be there. But she'll find some free time to be with me whenever possible, after her work and maybe anytime else?
Well, I'll see. But I know I will have many things to do, once I'll be there ^^
Actually, I went to the townhall and I gave all the administrative papers to get a passport... but.. here's a problem, which may could not be one, though.
Doing or renewing passport : approximatively 3 weeks. So mine would be ready for june, 10 th, approximatively.
But... actually, there will be some new biometrical passports. And to get one : only one week or approximatively 10 days... So, I don't know if I will get a normal one or a biometrical one... I just guess that for a biometrical one, they would need some digits of me, right?
And for the visa, it should be a week, maybe a bit less. I just will have to speed up to get one ASAP I will get my passport :)
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Sylvain , just touching base , hope you have received your passport by now and operation ChongQing is underway , regards Robert .
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Sylvain,
Yes, we got the Besta and it works really well. Angel uses it all the time when we chat on QQ. Most every hotel in China now has internet access so I am positive Hilton would have it. I could not go anywhere without my laptop. I do so many things with it.
I hope you have gotten all your papers in order. It would be terrible to not be able to go now because of some little thing. Good Luck, have a blast. Keep us updated we are all nosy and want to know what is going on. lol
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Just make sure you have a plug adapter for your computer
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Sylvain - Good luck and Best wishes for your trip :)
Plug adapter ---- ebay :) just search for uk plug adapter china
:D
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LOL sorry Mike hehehe forgot you are from the US
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Mark u remember I'm from the UK too............lol
Sorry mate couldn't resist
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He he mine won't mate she KNOWS good things come in SMALL packages..........lol
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man, I will pass on that. It is tooo easy a setup.
Some of the newer hotels in China have a couple of 110 plugs in each room. I got an adapter off of the internet for about $20 US. It has multiple plugs. Just make sure it says for Asia. The multiple plugs are for older and newer types. Most all of the newer hotels have the 110 in the bathroom. for electric razors, hair dryers, etc. I actually bought two. One for the laptop and one for my camera batteries. Apparently our Apartment has the older type plugs. So she says. I will see when I get there.
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:blush:
Hi there.
Sorry first to not have been here for a while.
I imagine there are many things, stories and so on which have happened since I was not here.
Anyhow (could I say that word seem to be correct?), maybe (and for sure?) most of you have heard about the Airbus which crashed between Rio de Janeiro and Paris.
For sure, I was not there, but... I would say it's sad and bad what happened, and I would say too that, it's only destiny. Many persons wanted to be on that flight and could not go into because it was full. And now they feel "happy" but very sad because of what happened. But that's life...
Should I care about my next flight?
I don't think so, in fact, I don't want to "face" it ^^
So, there are any news right now.
I got my passport, finally, it's ok ^^
So now, I just finish to get all for my visa, and it shall be delivered (quickly mode choosen ^^ via the web) on next monday or tuesday ^^
If all's ok, I then leave France on next Friday, and then, on Saturday, since Belgium, destination CHONGQING ^^
I have heard about any bad news over there :
a mudslide which have damaged many houses and there were 23 persons, lost. But for now, I haven't checked if all of them were still alive or not...
And another one, with a bomb in a bus....
Wow..... ^^
Who would say there is no animation over there???? :icon_cheesygrin:
Whatever happens, I'm still on the starting block, days are coming, it's not so long, right now ^^
I have bought a "netbook" for over there, here it is :
http://www.samsung.com/uk/consumer/detail/detail.do?group=itbusiness&type=notebookcomputers&subtype=nseries&model_cd=NC10RH/XEU
I will use it to give any news when being there, I promise ^^
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Sylvain, How are you? I have heard of the bus FIRE? with 100 people on board. She (my lady) did not say it was bomb? Maybe there were 2 buses? Anyway Hope you have much fun there. And write us here of the progress. (Do I sound like parents?) :icon_biggrin:
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Hi Vince;)
I'm fine, as I have finished all the things for my daughter's baptism which was very nice :) (it was on May, 31 :) ) a very nice ceremony and weather, too, as the day, which was very special :)
I'll maybe post any pics over here, I'll see :)
About my trip, well, I don't want to stress in fact, I'm not ready for that... In fact, I would even do some "black jokes", just understand that it is some king of "joke" which can be funny for some persons but not for some others... in France we do say "humour noir", but I don't know how to say in english, sorry ^^
Anyway, I'm ready to go, even if I have to pedal in the plane, just to make it "taking off" (flying off?) (decollate?) :D
About the bus, Ting told me just about one bus, so, maybe was there another accident?
I promise anyway to give news and to have much fun there ;)
Eh, if you wanna be like my parents, please give me some coins ^^ :D
*cheese*
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In fact, I would even do some "black jokes", just understand that it is some king of "joke" which can be funny for some persons but not for some others... in France we do say "humour noir", but I don't know how to say in english, sorry ^^
Close - but we would say either dark humor or black humor. To say black "joke" would imply making a racist joke. So switch joke to humor and your okay. Yes sometime subtle differences in translation can cause problems.
I remember with my first wife, who is a latina, I told my father-in-law that she was a hot woman. I spoke in Spanish with what I thought was the right words but I guess I said that she was a horny woman and my father-in-law gave her trouble. In Mandarin if you prounce Ma with the wrong intonation, well you just called her mother a horse.
Anyways, best of luck with your journey.. and in my bad French - say la V
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Sylvain
Good choice with the Samsung, looked at one last week.
Where do you live in France??
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Thanks for the meaning, Rhonald, and so, ok for "dark humor" ^^
and what did you want to say by "say la V"? => 'c'est la vie"? => it's life?
Agarn, I live in the suburb of Paris, about 20 mins by car, in fact ;)
About the Samsung, I have setup Ubuntu on it, it's quite perfect :)
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Heheh Sylvain. I just put Ubuntu on my laptop for the trip to China too. It is quite perfect isn't it? :icon_cool:
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For sure ^^
Easy to use, and I think it's most "stable" than Windows.
I just have to look for some appz to setup on it, and it shall be ok.
But I just think I can't have it with me in the plane? Or can I? I don't remember in fact ^^
I know that water and liquids are forbidden, as medecines and so many things...
(I just think they think everybody is rich enough to buy some water/liquid drinks after checkups and controls :D)
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Silvain
Yes you can carry your laptop in your hand luggage, never put objects like that in main luggage, if you have watched the baggage handlers at work you will understand why not.
Ahh Paris, im in Guernsey so visit often, in Le Mans recently for moto gp, great fun.
Best of luck on your trip to China
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Eheh, it's right, Le Mans is well known for its GP, as cars and motos, too :)
Not so far from Paris by train/car, but never been there for a GP. I just like watching it, sometimes, that's all. But I can't say who is a motoracer ^^
Ok about the laptop in hand luggage and not in main :) I've seen before some men "launching" luggages, for sure, man can be scared if he got some packages which are not solid at all ^^
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Sylvain, Most airlines permit 2 carry on. One small luggage (for overhead compartment) and another that can be put under a sit (Laptop), women are allowed their purse, men a laptop.
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Thanks for the advice, Vince ;)
I'm just thinking to myself, but next week, I'll be on the flight ^^
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Relax and enjoy yourself. If you have problems at the airport, look for a sign that says "Special Check In" this person will typically speak English ^_^ if not they will call someone who does. Also same story at the Ticket Counters. Just have a good idea of where you are going and what you need to do, everything else takes care of itself.
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Vince
Your right many airlines are now allowing 2 items of hand luggage but not all airports allow this, London airports will only let you carry one piece through the scanners into the departure lounge, Paris may well be the same, yet you can buy 5 bags of goodies in duty free ans carry on to plane.
A ladies hand bag will be considered the 1 item of hand luggage, but if she puts it into the 2nd bag all is well.
If anyone has connecting flights think about this and only carry one piece, saves any problems at airports with different regulations.
I remember when air travel was fun!
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Good luck Sylvain in ChongQing with Ting , if you want to stay a few weeks longer I will meet you there , I will be reading your notes with interest , as even here in Melbourne we only have about 5 million at most so I cannot imagine a city with over 30 million , there was only 8 million in Changsha , but funnily enough it did not seem like it .
Anyhow a safe flight and enjoy , any problems just yell for the brotherhood .
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Flying: I'm a carry on type a guy. Very rarely I check a bag. It's been years. Although I haven't flown internationality for many years there is the internet. Airports and restrictions can be checked and noted online. I did this a few years ago and found the largest sized carry on allowed. Then went and bought that size bag. It's got good wheels that won't break off and a retractible handle and a few extra compartments. For backup I also have a backpack (book pack) which also has wheels and a pull handle, but straps so I can carry. Both have straps that I could tie anything to them for easier carrying. That's all fine if needed but haven't carried both, just the one larger.
For international flying. I plan on sending some things ahead of my flight. A box with shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, Slippers, hairbrush and toilet paper, maybe some other toiletries. Things I can leave there and I get to carry less. For the clothes I have a steamer to take care of wrinkles so I can fold up a suit jacket. Rolling clothes up is better and saves room. You can also get those space bags. Those are the storage bags that you fill up and vacuum the air out of? Do that then pack your bag.
This has been a service of Vin's travel tips. :icon_biggrin:
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For international flying. I plan on sending some things ahead of my flight. A box with shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrush, Slippers, hairbrush and toilet paper, maybe some other toiletries.
Vincenzo / Guido / Paisan ... Fugheddaboudit !!!!
Toiletries are so cheap here, it'll cost you as much as the postal freight charge.
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Toiletries are so cheap here, it'll cost you as much as the postal freight charge.
I understand that but I'm picky in what I use. :icon_biggrin: I only use certain brands. Even my hair brush is a certain type. (thick hair) My hair is like armor, a wrong brush does nothing but bend.
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Vince
I thought you were jojing until I read your 2nd post, haha
Its all very well having the largest carry on luggage allowed but airlines have weight restictions on hand luggage as well as hold luggage and if its over weight some will make you put it into the hold.
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Sure they do but I can pack a weeks worth of clothes and one pair of shoes and be underweight. Clothes, color wise are basic and can be mix matched. You really never have the same thing on twice and there's chinese laundry? I fly domestic often, 1200 miles from home. Slip on shoes so I don't have to untie and tie at the airport. Change, keys, sunglasses any metal goes into the carry on so there's less to pick out of my pocket at security.
As for weight? I'm limited to what I can lift (bad back) so it's not to heavy. That's the reason for sending liquids ahead. I usually breeze through it all at the airport. Once in a while they do a visual check? Go ahead, chop chop. :icon_biggrin:
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RobertB, I will be there for only one week, as I could not "afford" to be there more than one week.
I would have liked to see anyone of you over there, for sure, but maybe will it be for a next time, who knows? ^^
Right now, I'm still waiting for my visa. As I have called the agency who has my passport and which does has to help for my visa, I should get it on Wednesday...
Well, just have to wait, again & again... ^^
I began to create a blog but..
I have to admit it should be french / english in fact ^^ or you all will have to translate everything I have written over there, when I'll be in Chongqing ^^
I'll see how to proceed.
http://titek-destinationchina.blogspot.com
Cya all ^^
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It will be the most incredible week of your life Sylvain, take many pictures and write down as much as you can afterwards, will help you remember every wonderful moment.
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Thanks, Irish ;)
I have to get all my sd cards empty, so it will be helpful once I'll be there.
I have looked to any monuments to visit, even if I can't really visit the great wall, well, I'll see for it.
About my visa, I'll phone this afternoon.
Any little more news, and that just makes me smiling...
I caught a pharyngitis yesterday.. Well, I think it's better to get it in France, instead my holidays, once I'll be in Chongqing ^^
And I didn't pay much attention but...
The Hilton Hotel is "just" a 5 * :D
Woaaaaaawww
I hope every service over there (spa, sauna, swimming pool) is free ^^
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Hot news !!!
Hot news !!!
My visa ist fertig !
Mein visa is ready !!!
Mon visa, esta prêt !!! Sisi ^^ ^^ ^^
I will get get it "right in hands" tomorrow in fact, but I phoned today, and I was said that all was ok, it was ready ^^
So, it's almost a good thing ^^
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Well now relax a bit, dont forget your paper work and have a fun and wonderful trip and enjoy every moment with your Ting
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My paper work?
What for? Do you think I gonna travel over there for working?
Not at all, it's just : leisure time, leisure, leisure, and leisure ^^
ok.
For sure, i'll take my NC10 with me, many sd cards and my camera, even my Psp and my cellular (for sure:D)
I'll take some movies, so, if I should "worry" at any time at the hotel, I could see some movies.. but I just think I won't have really time for it ^^
Right now, I'm still looking at my bag.
It's a sport bag, big enough, for sure, but... I just ask myself if I shouldn't get a real nice bag for travelling...
Well...any comments on it?
I said Ting I got my visa, but before yesterday, no news at all.
Maybe is she really busy with her work, or does she want to do some many things for once I'll be there?
I have to take my swimsuit, as there's a swimming pool at the hotel ^^
Eh guys, I'm not sure there could be any network over there :icon_cheesygrin:
(maybe should I try to see with a tuba?? lol)
:icon_arrowd:
:icon_arrow: So right now, Here I am. Leaving France in 48h :icon_cheesygrin::icon_arrowl:
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Sylvain, Paperwork would be to show proof you are not married to another, in case you want to marry Ting right then.
I bought myself one good piece of luggage which I always use and it has good wheels and handle for pulling. But you can shop for that next time.
Now What is a tuba? :icon_biggrin: Telescope?
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Well, being married in less than one week ,if we can't understand each other quite correctly at first and for one or two days, it may would not be a good idea, even if we like writing to each other since many months.
But I keep that idea for later, for sure ;)
And, up to now, I have never heard her voice, nor seen her via webcam, so, I just will see how this week gonna be :)
Even if I think all should be ok at 95% (I have really some difficulties to understand the ideograms :s)
Thanks about the idea for the lugguage, I think I can even buy one once I'll be there :)
And for the "tuba", in fact, its meaning is : "snorkel"?
The tube, pipe you got in your mouth when you are in the sea, swimming, which helps you to breathe :D
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And for the "tuba", in fact, its meaning is : "snorkel"?
The tube, pipe you got in your mouth when you are in the sea, swimming, which helps you to breathe :D
It's obvious once you explain it, and a pool is also a large tub for the tuba:icon_biggrin: Anyways have a great trip and best of luck.
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Good Luck! We'll be waiting eagarly for a word back on how it's going, or went.
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Is it me or is our french friend a little excited?
Bon voyage mon l`ami
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Good luck Frenchie have a wonderful time.
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I wanna thank U all for your support and the brotherhood brought here, don't change it ^^
(in fact, why should U? ^^)
Yeah, I could say I'm a bit excited but it's normal, I think ^^
Ting wrote me, she thinks she will come to the airport with her sister and a translator from the agence (who is since many weeks a good friend of her) ^^
Well... being "nice" received is really a good thing, I just hope I won't sleep when I'll be with them at the airport and later ^^
I will write more before being in the plane, and just after, and.... once I'll be in Beijing, and Chongqing :)
See ya all ^^
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Have fun Sylvain!:icon_cool:
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Thanks, Neil ^^
I wish there will be chinese in the plane, who will like to speak with me and train me to improve my chinese ^^
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I wish you the best of Luck Sylvain. Have a fun time. :icon_biggrin:
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Hey Buddy , have a wonderful week with Ting and hope she will be more beautiful than in her letter's . Enjoy your first taste of China , for you will be back ... I'm sure :icon_cool:
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Enjoy your trip, get some sleep on the plane, and above all esle, have fun with Ting!!!
Good luck and bast wishes,
Michael
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Bon voyage Sylvain, i'm certain that French charm will guarantee you a successful visit, cant wait to read your adventures here!
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Thanks again, all :)
I'm just ending with my luguages and see what should be primordial to have with me on plane (like my netbook, maybe a book, too and my phone or any other mp3 listener)
I have bought an international adaptator, too, so there should be no problems once there for that :)
Ting wrote me today again, she's very happy that we finally will see each other in less than 48 hours right now ^^
Well, I'm just like more and more happy to go there.
I just realize too that one week will (for sure) be too short, but I'll have a first "impression" about the country and so on.
And if all can be ok, I'll maybe go back there in October...
By the way, I just want to say a "big up" to all of you, because, since the beginning I signed up on the facebook's forum (and here, later), there was always a "nice atmosphere", very good things to share and to read. As I said before, I envy most of you who have been in China, met their ladies and married them. It's only a beautiful story to live in all of your life, and I just hope that mine will be the first chapter of a very very long story.
For sure, too, once I'll be flying to China to see Ting, I'll be thinking to all of you again, saying myself "now it's my turn :icon_cool:"
Ting troubled me many times because she's very very beautiful, so I just hope to not be so "shy" when I'll see her ^^
I think everything is ok.
I will upload many movies on my netbook, and buying any "gifts" for Ting and her parents.
Well, I was thinking about a bottle of "Beaujolais" or anything like that for her father, and for her mother, I think, maybe some chocolates, tomorrow, from Belgium. It could be a nice idea I think, because there are some chocolates which are very nice quality (as Leonidas)
And for Ting, I'll see, too. Not decided yet for that :)
See ya all, i'll keep this topic up everytime I can ;)
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First day.... wow...
Well, I'm finally arrived.
After the landing in Beijing where someone was ill, we were asked to be checked twice with temperature, just to prevent for swine flu. Once we lived the plane, there was a group, full protected, who was ready to infiltrate to the plane and to speak to the person who was ill.
I had to fullfill any administrative papers and I could change my sweat quickly before landing off from Beijing.
Once I was in Chongqing, I looked many minutes for Ting, who wasn't there.
For sure, I became anxious, nervous and I dialed her number. In fact, I got someone who said she wasn't Ting and that she didn't know how I had her mobile number.
Well, from it, I said I just was lost.
I looked around for about 30 mins, and finally, seing that I could not join Ting, I choosed to go to the Hilton Hotel via a taxi.
I would have regretted to take it, if I didn't like speeding. The driver who was in the taxi just was mad enough to create a big accident He drove without any restriction.
Once I was at the hotel and got my room, I tried to connect on QQ and then, Ting connected to tell me why she could not contact me, nor that she could not come.
I explained how I've looked for her, then the felt sorry again for the circumstance, but as I said, all was ok, as I was to the hotel.
She decided to come with her sister and a translator from the Agency, 2 hours later.
Between those 2 hours, I decided to "test" my bed for sleeping and in fact, I sleeped.
I heard knocking at my door a few times and then, I decided to go there and then, when I opened... it was her!
I let you imagine my smile to see her, more beautiful in real than in pictures. She was here, waiting for the room to be opened, and the meaning of our common feelings, just so true.
I will see tomorrow if I can post some pics.
Right now, I'm totally K.O, I haven't sleeped a lot between yesterday morning and today.
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Wow , reading your Post had me worried there for some time , till the end of course . Reminded me of Qing being 30 minutes late to the Airport to meet me for the first time .
I'm glad it turned out Ok after all , hope it get's better each day your with Ting . Waiting to read more :icon_cheesygrin:
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ya. it had me on the edge there for a few moments. So glad the ending was great.
Did you start a blog?
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ok now that you scared the hell out of all of us.get some sleep.And keep us posted
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Sylvain glad you made it there safe and the internet is working.
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Man that is crazy! I know how you must have felt when she wasnt at the airport. I cant wait to hear more of your experience! We'll be praying for ya...
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Wow i read about the plane and thought oh dear..then I read about Ting not being there and I thought OH DEAR!! Sylvain you gotta stop scaring the brothers like that!!
Delighted to hear that things are looking good, keep the updates coming while you can, hope you have a great time there.
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Sylvain, thats a bit scary there for a few, glad to hear it all worked out, now just relax, have fun and enjoy your lady.
Oh yeah, if you can, keep us posted
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Hi there :)
I'm just waking up, it is right now 07:51 am.
In fact, I have been sleeeping approximatively 10 hours, I just think I needed it ^^
So, since yesterday, I can give some more news :)
First, I can't access my blog, 'seems like it is blacklisted (blogspot.com) but I will try to pass through the restrictions :D
I'll keep you updated with it:)
So, talking about the flies.
Well, I was on an Airbus A330 and I was with a Venezuelian man, who had to go in Shangaï, he's a teacher in english. He asked me about my travel, I just replied "leisure time, I am going to meet a very beautiful lady, known via Internet". He was a bit surprised but we discussed a lot up we arrived in Beijing.
And, during the flight, as we could watch tv, I wanted to test every functionnality with mine. Each of us had like a "buttons command" to use in the menu, movie, and I saw there were games, too. So, I thought the "button command" could be "taken" from its place, and I saw a cable. It was like a paddle in fact, when I reverted it, but it was not functionnal for the games and so on. And when I wanted to put it back to its righteous place, it could not be done easily...
It became like a "horror show" when the "button command" began to not work anymore. I could even not use the "light button" on it, nor asking any assistance. I waited for the (waitress?) to come and offer some drinks to say her there was a problem with the command. and she "rebooted" the terminal for my tv, but it just changed nothing... Well, up to my end of flight, I had to use directly my finger on the screen to navigate in the menu and so on...
I just hoped it would not generate any error message, and that it would not crash the plane.....Lol...
Hem....:icon_arrowd:
So, talking with my "neighbour", it was his first time in China, too, and he will leave on next Sunday. Maybe will I see him again? lol
We talked about culture in China, he asked me how to say many words, too. But, as I said, my words are very "limited".
Nevermind, I'm a good student, I took with me a book to know what to visit and where to eat, and another one to learn more words:)
So, after the check up for the swine flu, for sure, I just hoped to not being placed in quarantaine, it would not had been funny if it would had happen... I think that, for each's security, we had to fullfill administrative papers, so that we could say where we had to go/leave and who to prevent, too.
I saw many persons with a mask, well, I just said too, "I just hope they don't have swine flu" :s
In Beijing, I was looking a bit everywhere after the checkup, and as I wanted to change myself, I went to toilet...
Well, seeing "turkish toilets" didn't really please me, and I quickly tried to see some other ones. That was ok, and I then looked for my flight for Chongqing. In fact, I have lost contact with the venezuelian man since the moment I was checking for toilets.
So, I saw the flight number for Chongqing, and I sat near a chinese woman. I asked her any information about the flight (in english) and she answered ... In chinese.
I was quite disconcerted, as I didn't understand.
I then showed my pda, there was a picture in the main menu, showing... the eiffel tower. I said "fa guo ren", but she didn't understand. I then thought that I maybe said it with a very very bad accent. I said "Paris", "Pawis", "Périss", "Péwiss", and a man next to her said "Paris, oh! Français", and then, explained the lady I was from France.
I was very disappointed, because I thought that as I didn't say a very large sentence in chinese and that she could not understand me, how would it be, once I would see Ting...
Well, many minutes after that, I was on a bus to go to the plane, and many chinese looked at me... Just guess I was the only little chicken who was with them.
The women in the plane (waitress???) were very polite and nice, so the men were, too. One of them was very helpful when I wanted to drink/eat/read and use my computer, even if I spoke in english a bit too quickly for him, but all was ok.
Once arrived in Chongqing, the weather was very warm, and rainy place. I got to see my luguage and to see if all was ok, before looking for Ting.
I saw many chinese persons, I looked at them, and I had many times a "eye's look" from them, like "who is he? Why is he looking at me like that??? Is he crazy???"
I tried to see Ting, but, as said before, in fact, she could not come, and I didn't know it. I was vey disappointed, saying myself "oh god, maybe was it a really really bad idea to come here, in fact, it may would have been a man who would have written to me up to now and I came, and there's nobody... I was really disappointed.. but I tried to help myself the best way I could.
I found a very charming lady who wanted to help me, she phoned a friend of her and he spoke to me, but as I said "I do not know him, so how could he help me to find a lady I haven't seen up to now in real?" and the lady was sorry to not help but I thanked her anyway for her help.
I then looked for a taxi, and well, it seemed that he didn't know where the hotel was. I showed the adress, and a policeman said him where it was.
And then, it was like a running time for him... and for me.
Driving one moment on the left, and right, left, right, beeep beep, left, right, accelerate, driving in "god mode", thinking "I'm the master here, let me pass"... In fact, I like the speed, it's not a problem. But the man drove really easily enough to make multiple accidents if he would not use his "klaxon" with other drivers.
Once we arrived at the hotel, I had to pay him, about 62 Rmb, it's quite noghing in fact. I thanked for the run, and a groom took my baguages.
I then see the Hilton Hotel, and was impressed because of the contrast...
A very beautiful hotel in a place which seem to be "between poor and middle place"... but I din't apologize for it and came into the hotel.
A lady checked for my reservation and then gave my "room card". I then was with the groom to the 16th floor. We talked a bit and he was very nice to help me speaking a bit in chinese and english.
Once we were in my room, he showed me many "free services" as the internet (which is not free but it does not matter), the showing room (very very nice), and the buffet, too (where to drink/eat)
I gave him a part of money for the service, he thanked me and left.
I then directly connected to internet, and saw Ting.
She said that she was afraid, her boss wanted her to work a bit some more on Sunday, and then she said she would come to see me ASAP.
For sure, I was sad, but happy too.
I had her translator who called me and then, she confirmed they would come in less than 2 hours since I spoke to Ting on QQ :)
So then, I tried to relax a bit on my bed, and finally I got some sleeptime. In fact, I haven't sleeped in the planes, so I was a bit really K.O.
And when it knocked at my door, at first I thought it was the groom, to inform me that Ting was here.
But it was Ting in fact... and the translator.
What a luck for me that I had my jean on me, because I thought that if I would sleep, I then could take it off, and just open the door a bit to know who could knock, even if I didn't have my jean on me.
Well, I was really surprized, because Ting is very very very beautiful.
She smiled and I smiled too, but as I just woke up, I was like "just in wake up mode" and I tried to "refresh" myself as quick as I could, to speak with her and her translator.
Well, we saw that we could not communicate easily, but I promised to learn better chinese.
It seems that she said her translator that she was really pleased to see me in real, and that , as I got a "happy face", she was very happy too to see me and wasn't scared for the first meeting.
I offered her any gift (chocolate from Belgium) and I did the same for the translator, as I knew she would be at the airport with Ting, and with her sister,too.
I then offered Ting any other chocolates, for her parents, saying "It's just a gift, I wanted to offer something to your parents, because they have heard about me and I would have thought that a gift could be really pleasant, for them", and she smiled.
We spoke a long time and Ting was looking at me many times, just like some "lover's eyes". Her translator told me a bit later that Ting was very impressed to see me, in "happy mode" and that she would see me more and more, in fact, ASAP she could :)
She's really like an angel in fact. Very beautiful lady, even if she's small, she's really really really beautiful. My eyes could be blinked because of its beauty, in fact ^^
I could not stop to look at her many times and she did the same with me. Well, I'm happy to see that everything is ok :)
Later, so, Ting had to leave me, because she had to be with her family, but her sister was here, and with the translator, we all spoke in english about my flight, about Ting and me, about many things, well, I really liked that moment.
We ate outside, Ting sister's really cared for me, she took me to a restaurant with another friend of her, and I was really pleased to see any more persons.
Once we were at the restaurant, we were in a part of it, with doors which could be closed, so nobody could see us. It seemed to be like "some part of reserved room" and we ate spicy food, with beef and chicken foods. I will upload a picture of the meat later.
Ting's sister said she was really pleased to see me, and that she really liked me in fact, because I had a "friendly happy face" and that I showed many "good impressions" to all of them since we met.
So I was very happy and I spoke about Ting, and she was happy to see that I was "as Ting said" via my letters and so on.
We spent about 2 hours together, eating really nice meats, and the bill was really unbelievable.
About 170 RMB for 2 big meats, and 3 other meats, a Coke and it's all. In fact, that just costs about 17 €, so it was really cheap ^^
Once I have paid, Ting's sister took me back to the hotel with the translator and another friend of her, and I got back to my room, in "lazy mode" ^^
And then, I wrote you to inform of my arrival in China .
Well, right now it's 08:44 am, and I'm hungry ^^
I will go and have breakfast, Ting should come this morning to see me (I really hope she will ) and then, we'll see what to do.
By the way, my software on pda isn't ok, because my rom version is 6.5 and it's for 6.1 (it seems) so I will see if I can flash again my pda... to use the best way I can my software, to do nice sentences in chinese and so on.
See ya later, I'll keep this post updated, for sure.
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Loving reading the extended version Sylvain!
Regarding the mobile - 6.5 isn't RTM..you should be using 6.1..but if that's what you have now ..I wouldn't be messing about with new roms.
What did Ting need to do with her family that her sister didn't, just curious?
The food costs sound right, i bet you enjoy this part of your trip, i experienced the separate room a couple of times also, is a bit strange but nice, they only do it for important meeting though, I think it a bit strange that Tings daughter ate with you in such a room - maybe it was prebooked though?
Looking forward to your updates!
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Hi Irish :)
In fact, Ting had to be with her parents yesterday night, and her sister wanted to stay and eat with me, just in case of I would eat with her and with the translator. I could have replied too that I wanted to be alone or to sleep, but I wanted to know a bit some more about them :)
About Ting, I think she's a bit shy, but I think we'lll quickly find a way to solve this "little problem" if she has to be alone with me ^^
And about the restaurant, if I have well hearded about Ting's sister, in fact, she's been there before, and it seems that she's well known over there, so there was no difficulty to have that "room" ^^
Right now, I 'm back from the breakfast, very very fine and nice ^^
but... I have to improve my english too while speaking because sometimes, there can be misunderstoods when I deal about something.
The weather is very warm and cloudly, I'll have a bath and then, I hope Ting should come.
Anyway I think today I'll begin to visit around here :)
And about the roms, I will see what to do to solve my problem ASAP.
EDIT 10:54 am
Software fully functionnal on my pda, thanks to Windows Mobile Device working on Windows7 on my netbook, so everything is ok.
Ready again to be able to say some nice sentences in Chinese :)
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:icon_biggrin: I have totally enjoyed your story. Yes having a friendly and happy expression will reward you with leaving a good impression on your hosts. Take care
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Great story of your trip so far. I am really enjoying it.
It seems like so long ago when you were talking about wanting to go to China...back when we were on facebook. I am happy that you have finally made it there.
Keep up the great updates.
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Good on you Sylvain , you sound like you have won 3 hearts in the first few hours , yes 9 out of every 10 Chinese ladies are quite shy , after chatting on the internet one way or another , to be face to face is like starting over , but your Charm has won them already , so enjoy .
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Sylvain, you seem to be doing very well so far, keep up the good work and the next thing you know you will be saying the " I do" part, good luck and keep up these great posts.
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Hi there.
Well, 'seems like I got a problem.
Maybe the 24h rule, maybe another thing, I don't know in fact.
What I see seems that Ting doesn't love me, she just told me via QQ today, and she was surprized to see how gentle I was with her since we met each other...
So, for sure, I became anxious and nervous....
"being cheated by the agency and translator, so?
Maybe.
I told it to the translator who said she contacted Ting just next, and she then said that her parents would like her to marry, but another person than me.
so, right now, I'm really "lost" with many things.
For sure, my chinese isn't correct at all, and I can't communicate with anybody correctly.
I did mistakes yesterday night for supper, and there was a "servant"? who was french, she helped me easily but I just felt stupide because of the language barrier.
Even in english there are some sentences / words where I'm hurting myself when speaking.... I just forgot to remember the name "cheese" for "cheese" in fact... ^^
So, if I'm here to post, it is to ask some help.
Ting will come this afternoon with her sister who speaks a bit english (or good enough), and the translator, too.
the problem I see, is that, if she really doesn't love, I've been cheated anyway by Chnlove, and so, I would go there, to the agency, but I don't have the adress.
I have asked the translator who is scared to loose her job. In fact, I have said that being cheated for more than 700 € (fly tickets / hotel) without the emf letters, it was really BAD.
So, if anyone of you could help me, I would then be very grateful
I'll keep this topic updated, whatever happens, but just know that actually, I feee like I got like a hammer on my head.
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Sylvain I'm very sorry to hear that.I think I would wate to see what the lady said and the translaters say.
Then depending on what they say I think I would get the agency address from the translater and the telephone number.The Agency can set you up with another women and they will send a car to get you.
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Sylvain I'm very sorry to hear that.I think I would wate to see what the lady said and the translaters say.
Then depending on what they say I think I would get the agency address from the translater and the telephone number.The Agency can set you up with another women and they will send a car to get you.
I don't think I would be glad to meet any other ladies.
being dumped like I was, seeing that more than 1000 € have been easily paid to the agency since I've been talking to Ting, just to see that I've been fooled by them, well, I'm not mad enough to say that I would need their services anymore :s
But to go there and to say that I want any compensation for all prejudice, yes, I can do it, and surely will.
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Sylvain,
Just to clarify, are you saying that the EMF letters said that Ting loves you and she changed her mind ??? Are you suspecting that the letters were doctored by the translator ? How many EMFs in total since you started communication ? What are the first three numbers of your agency ???
Keep us posted on your afternoon meeting. Worse comes to worse, become friends with that 'French' speaking servant. It would be nice to have a common speaking friend in Chongqing. Maybe she knows some friends interested in meeting a foreigner.
J'ai arrive a Hong Kong trois semaines passe. Avant partir pour Shanghai, ma femme dit "Non" pour notre marriage. Elle n'aime pas moi aussi. Elle dit "Non" pour mon visitation de sa ville. Maintenance, je suis a Taishan pour vacances. Je suis ici pour une notre mois.
Excuse my French writing skills,
Chong
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Sylvain what did ting and the translater say? I Don't think they will give your money back brother.But I'm sure the agency would be happy to listen to you.If your not interested in meeting another lady at this time maybe the translater could be your tour guide so the trip is not a waste
The same thing happend to another member.at a different agency.The agency introduced some other ladies and he traveld around China with them.He said he had a good time.
Theese are just my suggestions.I would hate to think you go back to France early.Or just sit in your hotel and didn't get to see very much of China.China is really a beautiful country with alot to see and do.
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Maxx, I believe that Sylvain is there for only ONE week. But you're right, don't waste this opportunity to see China, eat some interesting local food and meet some other ladies ( even if you don't feel like it at this moment ).
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My stomach is in knots for you Sylvain. I can't imagine how I would feel. I'm so sorry buddy.
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Sylvain,
I had a bad experience too and I was only in Changsha for a week. But I took the guys advice and went to another agency. Don't worry about your English. It is very good. If you don't trust this agency, maybe there is another one in Chongqing.
I certainly didn't feel like visiting another lady, but if anyone knows of another agency in Chongqing, maybe they can advise you. My advice based on what I was advised: Send cupid notes to a few ladies and meet some of them. Make the most of the time you have left. If you trust the agency you're with, go to the agency and look at some profiles. I know how you must be feeling. But this is an opportunity, even though you don't feel like doing anything now. This is about your future and finding out about China and making contacts for when you are back home.
Don't sit in your room. Be proactive. Good luck
Alex
Hi Sylvain,
if there is another agency in Chongqing, say the name to someone at the hotel who speaks English (or French) and they will phone them for you. It worked for me.:icon_biggrin:
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Good advice Alex , Sylvain nothing ventured nothing gained , I don't know which agency your are involved with , but one possibility is Chongqing Ying Jia Mei Consulting Company P628 and for further reference checkout p628703 on CHNLove , her English is fair , and she works in Travel . Dust yourself off and go forward , regards Robert .
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Well, with time which is going slowly, I don't really know what to really believe.
who wrote me ?Ting? the translator?
The translator said that Ting told she loved me, but being face to face seemed to be different, as she wanted maybe to know a bit some more about me...
today the translator says me that she just heard from Ting that her parents wanted to marry her with another man, but a chineese one, because they seem to not really trust in foreigners...
And Ting gave me her private QQ, (what a luck, for a misunderstanding in a taxi yesterday, she gave it to me, saying "don't give this number to anybody, it is private..." ) and today, I spoke with her on QQ. She said she was sorry, she could not accompany me, her mother seems to be ill, too, and her boss is still asking her to work more and more. At first, I said it was not her fault, she's working while i'm in holidays, but right now, I don't know if that would just the real reason for her to not come and see me.
I have asked her if she would see me again, the only reply via QQ was "no".
Should I be bad enough to see that, even if my english or my chinese is so bad, "no" means "no way", and not "yes"?
The translator said me that there should be misunderstanding because Ting really likes me and would introduce me to her parents...
But Ting never mentionned it to me.
When I was at the restaurant on Sunday night with Ting's sister, she said that winning 20% of the family is quite good, but the next step would be the parents... was it related to it??? Or just coïncidence?
I'm a bit stressed, because in fact, yesterday, Ting said me that today, we could shopping together. Even if her english is a bit "limited", she was clear when speaking.
Today is a "no" and the translator said that with the misunderstanding, Ting will come and her sister too, so, I will have 2 translators...
About the Agency, in fact, I think I just would burn or destroy it... saying that I've been fooled mor several months with Ting if she really not thought everything inside her letters, that would really hurt.
Chong, I think we've been easily shared more than 40 letters since I know her (since December), so, it's quite expensive, don't you think?
And about your french, i understand your meanings anyway in your sentence. Did you really live that?
Well, about seeing any other ladies, too, for sure, right now I'm just deceived? because when you have feelings for someone and that this person just says you "I don't", how could I be like a stoneheart?
I think anyway I should go outside if there's really no way with Ting, in fact, I should see her in less than 3 hours.
And the translator should be here in one hour.
Well, whatever happens, I'll try to visit Chongqing tomorrow, whatever I shall be alone... or not.
Next time, I'll ask for swine flu to be my private guide over there... :icon_cheesygrin::icon_arrowd:
hem, sorry..
Cya all and thanks for your support.
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Sounds like a lot of miscommunications. Said "no' but will see you later with the sister ??? Win over family but parents are against foreigners ??? I wasn't concern about the cost of the 40 letters ... more about the dialogue & contents of those letters.
Yes Sylvain, I lived what you went through. Since the bad news, I just moved ahead. I have another blind date ... set up by a dress shopkeeper's friend's lady friend. And I met the shopkeeper because I saw a Caucasian lady ( Parisian French by the way ) who sat with them and I introduced myself. We sat down for Chinese pastries and tea and had a great time.
Well. see how tonight goes and take it from there. If it's a lost cause in your opinion, move on. You never know what's around the corner. At best, meet someone and write letters afterwards ... not the other way around .... since you're there in the flesh in China.
Votre ami a la Chine Sud,
Chong
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Sylvain, so sad to read your story.
Sounds like Ting has made her mind up. I think you should call the agency and ask to be introduced to another lady - you only have a limited time there, you need to make the most of it.
At least if you meet the girl first your long term chance of success is much higher, you WILL also have a great time instead of being there and feeling sad and alone.
I know if feels hard to do this but you must, all of us here are 100% behind you.
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This just makes me sick :@
What is there really to say ? Three out of Three in one month ( Alex , Chong and now Sylvain ) , this got to stop . There's got to be some kind of Legal action one can take and take those Bastard's down .
Sylvain , I feel for you brother .:huh:
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Well, in my case ... it had nothing to do with the ChnLove process or the agency. We communicated off EMFs so it was more a personal decision by the lady rather than an agency influenced decision.
But yes, Arnold ... I have personally begun to avoid all those suspect agencies ... namely P ... 368, 216, 518, 678, 203, 211 and 201. They'll never get an EMF / cupid note from me no matter how great the lady's profile sounds. If all of us do our own personal boycott, eventually, they'll hurt. My personal boycott & public awareness of the agency's outing has nothing to do with this Forum ( you can relax now Irish ... hehehe ). It's my own personal opinion and action.
Legally, we can't do anything to them ... except don't give them any business.
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What I think (my opinion) is Ting didn't tell the parents about you. She had feelings for you (reason for the peeking looks at you). When she left you the first night to go to see her family? and left the sister with you? I had a feeling she went to tell her parents about you. The result was not good, so she is going by her parents wishes. She does not want to see you more because she knows she made this mistake. Enjoy what time you have there. Have some women keep company, no feelings needed, just for fun.
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Hi there again, brothers :)
Well, any more news, so.
Ting came with the translator and her sister, too, who seem to really really like me (i don't know why, maybe because i have a funny face?? well ... let's pass it ^^)
So...
In fact, Vince, you are a bit right with your reply.
The problem is that Ting has her parents who are a bit traditionnal, and as she is 27, they care about her future and so on, and so, they would like to marry her, but with a chinese man.
She told me that she didn't like the chinese man, but if she should hear her parents, she could not do anything else...
It seems too, that her parents do not really like strangers, or maybe do they think we just come here to take their daughters for holidays and then, we just leave them alone.
Ting said she is upset because of many things :
- leaving China to come living in France (nobody from her family lives in France)
- she does not speak french (or very bad and just a few words)
- she cares being alone if our relation would end one day in France
- etc.
- extra bonus & co....
Well.
From 04:30 pm to 06:20 pm, we discussed a long time about all of that. I said I was not the man who could easily leave a woman like "lost", because if I would bring her in France, it would not to leave her alone in the streets later.... I say I could already help her to go back in China if she really missed it or that we would not be together later for any reason, and I said too that I knew what I wanted from her, with her, but I would not force her to make choices, until she doesn't feel ready for it.
'Seems like she liked my words.
For all that time, we were 4.
Just after, Ting's sister and Ting's friend left us, and I talked a very long moment with Ting, english and computer (google translator) helping.
We spent easily 2 hours together, she asked me that if, she wanted to marry me, how could I be sure about her careness and cumfort and happyness. Just have a guess that I ve said that when man loves someone, for sure, he will look at it and do his best to show his wife how he can love her, and how he can be loved from her, too.
I got any other question that made me laughing, sooner in the afternoon :
"but, you know, Ting is very small, and you are big, and so....
well, I'm embarrassed but....
your sex must be big, too.."
I just looked at Ting's friend, and asked her :
"and so, if so, would you be scared that I could even break her body with it?:icon_cheesygrin:)
She laughed and had to translate to Ting, who became shy and did not want to aks any personal questions like this one :D
When we left my room (because they came in my room in fact), she told me that she could call for some supper for me, I really appreciated it, and then, she was face to face... i was a bit scared because I did not want the french kiss, (because I want her to be really sure of her choice to be with me), and then, she gave me her hand.
Well, I felt stupid because I looked at it, saying to myself "and now, what? she wants me to kiss her hand? :D" and so, I said her that in France, we just can hug without kiss, and she was ok. we then hugged together (huhu) and it was the first time we were like "body to body"
After that, I went dinner, and after, I came back and saw her on QQ.
It seems that in fact, she loves me, or better should i say 'really likes me" but she's upset because of future, and that's a reason which makes her being like that. About her parents, she said she would introduce me to them for my next trip, and that she really liked the time with me today.
Tomorrow, I will see her if all is ok at end of morning, and after, shopping with her sister and her friend.
So, nothing seems to be "so lost", it seems too that she is not indifferent to me,because if she was, she would had probably not stay in the room alone with me.
She left QQ 15 mins ago, so...
I think that right now, I just have to wait with time that she really feels good with me, and that I don't want to force her to be with me.
I just said "with ambition and motivation, man can do a lot of things, he just has to believe in what he wants to do".
She just thought about it and smiled.
So, many other news tomorrow, promise.
Anyway, I won't go to any other agency, I prefer staying with Ting and see how our relation will evolve.
Thanks again for your support and comments :)
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Good for you Sylvain !!! Good productive meeting. Don't give up on her then ... Go with your gut feelings. After all, this trip was meant to know her and her know you better. :angel:
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Wow, great to read the last update Sylvain, the French charm is working its magic.
Keep your head held high and fingers and toes here firmly crossed for you.
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Oh man Sylvain. I really hope you can win her over and then win her parents over. If anyone can, you seem like the one to do it. Be brave and strong and honest and know we are all behind you 100%. Good luck man.
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Thinking about yesterday evening makes me saying that it seems she didn't want to leave me when we said "goodbye" to each other, at the hotel, just after having leaving my room.
The fact is that, when I talked to her on QQ, she was happy to talk with me and for the first time of my life, since I was speaking with her, I saw her on webcam ^^
I was very happy :)
However, about QQ, I said her I was surprised because she had 2 QQ Id's, and she did not understand. I showed her and she saw that in fact, I was speaking to her friend (agency's translator) and not to her directly. Because of her english very poor, she "wanted" it to be like that.
But now, as I have her own ID, all's ok.
I talked about money and many things in France, said that I could easily understand the fac that she could be lost, but as I said, she needs motivation and to trust in me to go there :)
I have to leave, it's morning and the cleaning woman is here, ready to clean my room ^^
(did anyone think my room is really dirty???) :D
See you later with fresh news :)
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Great update Sylvain. Like the others said...hang in there, we are all rooting for you.
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Sylvain , so much better to read your last part of the Story . I'm glad it's not a total loss ... yet .
Sylvain , you might not know , that your Trip has taught all of us in our little Brotherhood a very valuable lesson . One should " NEVER " go visit " ANY " Lady , if the Parent's are not won over already or have agreed to it , for their Daughter to be with a Foreigner or Marry one . Now this should by put right their with the 24 Hour Rule . It does do no good going no matter how you two Love each other , since the Parent / or in some case the elder Brother / Sister have the " LAST " word your Lady will go by . This can not be any clearer than right there and as it almost happened to Hajo . We need those most important Rules to be placed somewhere where everybody will see them and can ask questions if needed .
Looking forward to hear more good news tomorrow ... Sylvain .
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Well.
It is actually 12:29 and I have no news from Ting, nor from her translator...
I have sent 2 messages on her friend's mobile, no news. I have called, it's the same.
I'm beginning to be really deceived, because even if she would be late to come, she could send a message, a mail or anything...
but no, quite nothing...
well, if no news this afternoon and before 02:00 pm, I will try to go to the agency directly.
If any information can be usefull with it, please tell me :
P628ID
it's related to the translator, I think. With it, can we have any way to know the adress of the agency in Chongqing?
That would be very nice.
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I could not get an address or number but the full name is Chongqing YingJiaMei Consulting Company agency # P628
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Sylvain,
write to ChnLove Customer Care ... attention Sherry Chu.
She gave me my agency's address.
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Thanks, I'm going to write her right now.
Ting's sister just called me to say they will come later, but I didn't understand why Ting could not before.
However, I forgot that the translator had an exam today (english one) so that is why I could not join her...
I hope Ting will bring a very good reason to not have been here this morning.
So, if all's ok, they should be here in 3 hours..
I think I gonna go training myself to rumble something, while waiting for them.
and anyway, I have contacted Sherry, thanks for your help, Vince & Chong :)
And by the way, I have seen again the french lady who is working here, I will try to get her private phone number or adress, so that we may keep contact together, and she could tell me when there are cheaper prices at the Hilton ^^
Anyway, I just have been "travelling" around the hotel this morning, there is a very big "contrast" between fresh building and old flats, and seing Hilton Hotel in an urban zone, but in a "middle quarter", it's a bit "strange".
I will post any pictures later.
Right now, I will just try to relax for 3 hours and for sure, tonight I'll go out, whatever happens.
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Nothing goes well over here..
Ting, her sister and the translator finally can't come to see me...
well, it's like a day which is lot on one week..... I'd be better in France, for sure... or with someone who would be my guide in Chongqing...
For any reason, I have no news from Ting, just by her sister that says that Ting had many work and that now, she's going home...
But no message, no call, nothing... Is it like that when you like someone in fact? Just trying to do that she can guess you will finally not come?
Right now I'm just angry and sad because of it... because Ting seemed to be honest yesterday and via QQ too... So I don't really understand at all..
I'd say myself that I'd be on a plane to go home because I'm becoming to dislike this country...
I did not think that chinese persons could not be polite, too... I just cared a bit about Ting, wishing she did not have bad news or anything else, as she did not send me any messages and so on....
Tonight, I will go walking a bit outside, just smeeling the warm weather and so on...
I just think too, right now, I'd be better with my two hands than with someone who can't inform me she'll not come.
And the translator and Ting's sister said me that I will see her tomorrow... I just said "do I really have to trust it??? Because yesterday, she said the same thing, and she did not come"...
Well...
I'm not really hungry because of it...
and as hours are passing, if tomorrow I don't see Ting, I just think I will try to go home ASAP... instead than wasting my time for quite nothing.
Even in the streets, chinese persons look at me, someone wanted to speak with me, but as my chinese is not good at all, I just did not understand her, and same to her with me... so....
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Sylvain , Ting probably realizes the problems that she has created , and her sister is working with the translator probably so that you do not go to the agency office , they have already wasted 1 day for you , have you found a contact in the Hilton who understands English ? . If so have them contact the agency for you and get them to send a car for you , and if possible get to talk to the Manager of the agency in English on the phone , he / she will help you pronto , as they would not want a mark against them via CHNlove , you need to be 1 step ahead of the translator .
All this is new for Ting and she will not go against her parents wishes , good luck , regards Robert .
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A thing that sounds strange to me, but Ting told me about fees via Chnlove, if there would a problem with her and the agency, then the agency would get it back:huh::huh::huh:
I do not understand but I think that right now, I do not really know what to understand.
Of course, everybody in the Hilton speaks english, well... most of the persons I have seen up to today in fact, and who are working here.
I got the agency's adress, so tomorrow, I will go there and expose my point of view.
Right now, it is 09:19 pm, I think I'll go outside a bit just to refresh my mind.
And about Ting, I just would like to know that I don't know what to say about all of it...
Her choice's in her mind, in her heart... I can't force her to do anything... even by promising all and nothing.
'just hope to see her asap...
because yesterday, all was clear...
maybe is her job very difficult and that she can't afford to have many spare time to be with me... that is a point that can be understandable... and as her mother has heart's problems, Ting said she had to care about her.... (that is something I know just since I'm here), but that can be understandable, too...
Well...
I just hope to not been abused by foolish talkings from her.
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Sylvain ,depending on ting's contract all money is paid to the agency , Chnlove does not collect any money from Ting , she will have paid an initial fee about 5000 yuan , plus she may have paid another fee to meet you when you arrived , with more later on . Ting is the agency client , you are not , so tread carefully , and I am sure you will get honest answers and help , regards Robert .
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Should I then understand that if I say (for example and that's true) that if Ting did not come to see me at the airport, she may will have no money from the agency?
About meeting me.. well, it's easy to do a meeting, and just to leave after...
Actually, here I am, with quite no sign of life from Ting...
I saw her friend (translator) on QQ, and, as Ting said me, in fact, this ID was the translator's one.. I then asked for Ting's news, and I was replied "i am ting, not the translator"...
So, now... I've discussed a while without really knowing who I was speaking too...
Whatever happens, I don't know how I'll be tomorrow if Ting does not reply to me quite quickly...
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Sylvain , agency,s have different contracts and probably vary them to suit , but by you arriving and meeting Ting she has probably paid more money to the agency maybe even another 5000 yuan , this she may get refunded if there is no match or maybe she has not paid them yet .
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Sylvain I think I know what is going on, from all you have wrote. The translator did not tell the agency you were coming. To help Ting so not to pay the fee she must pay when you have come there. This is the reason they are trying to keep you from the agency. If the agency finds you are there they will give trouble to the translator and Ting for her dishonesty. If the meet of the two of you is unsuccessful the agency might not charge a fee? This seems to be the reason for all the quiet times. They are waiting for time to pass so you leave without talking to the agency.
The french speaking waitress is looking better? every minute.
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Anyway, the fact that Ting pays or not the agency, is not my problem.
If even she has to pay the agency, (anyway, I'll see it tomorrow), I'll explain what has happened since I began to speak with her on Chnlove and what's happening since I'm here, in Chongqing.
Even if Ting has lot of work and many things to do, there still are some problems to be solved and that let me think I will not use anymore their services.
by the way, I have just talked a bit with Ting.. she said she will take a bit of time tomorrow morning to come and see me...
just let me laugh... I have asked when, because I don't want to stay 4 hours in the hotel, I had no answer...
I don't wanna try to understand anymore anything and to translate, too...
she said too she would call me tonight, she did not...
I will just finish to think she's really unlikeable, with time passing...
Even if on pictures, she looks beautiful.
Picture taken in a buddhist temple, in Chongqing (sorry for the name, I do not remember it, I will ask it whenever possible to update over here)
(http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/7515/imag0363.jpg)
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Sylvain you have been poorly treated and misled from the beginning, you must go to the agency and explain all this to them. From the way you write here i am sure you will explain everything politly to them.
I hope you find out from them if the problems are from Ting and her family or from the translator
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Sylvain, I wonder if the parents not approving of Ting marrying a foreigner is at the root here. It seems to me that she would like to be with you but her filial responsibility is preventing her.
In China if her parents do not approve you might as well move on to be honest, I really think you should ask the agency if you could meet someone else and have a few fun filled days there.
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Hi Sylvain, first I would like say that i am really sorry that this has happened to you. I have read all your posts and I am appolled by the way you have been treated. Honestly, my doubts about Ting started when you said she failed to meet you at the airport. I hope that I am proved wrong, but I am convinced these girls (Ting, translator and Ting's sister) are far from being honest with you. I think, as Vince said, one of their tactics is to prevent you from going to the agency.
From my experince, some Chinese girls can be as dishonest and devious as any western girls (I had quite a number of Chinese girlfriends in the last 12 years here in London). What I am saying is that some men on the Chnlove website tend to paint Chinese girls as angels, which is a rather naive view. Of course there are some honest and decent ones too.
I can understand how you are feeling and I would have been gutted if the same happened to me after travelling well over six thousand miles. My advice to you is to take a firm line with the girls and the agency and demand explanations, don't let them mess you about mate.
As other members of the brotherhood, I am here to support you in anyway I can. I will keep fingers crossed for you
Londoner
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Sylvain what Vince and Irishmen are telling you is true.Ting and the translater didn't tell the agency you were there.That is why they are trying to stop you from going to the agency.And Like the Irishman said if the parents don't approve.Of there daughter with a foriegner the daughter will not go against her parents.
I know you are hurting and discouraged.But I think you need to get out of the hotel and go to the agency.The women who speaks french in the hotel.Would probably be more then happy to help you.
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One other thing that surprises me is that since we ate to the restaurant, at the first time, I paid for everyone (I just saw it was very cheap)
But since we went back to any restaurant later, they just let me pay for them once again...
I feel a bit surprised because, even if they are not rich enough, they could tell me "well, we can't afford to eat in a restaurant, let's try something else"...
Even when we went to the temple, I had to pay..
Ok, I'm not looking my money everyday, I can afford some few things, but all that together just surprise me...
I spoke to the translator about that, she understands.
By the way, she told me that she couldn't go "agains my mind" to go to the agency and to say the problems I met since I'm here.
I have just learned, too, that in fact,when I called Ting at the airport, it was Ting's sister and nobody else...
Even if it was her sister, she knew I was coming, and then she could have done something to help...
What I don't really understand, too, is, as she seems to very like me (everytime we meet, she takes a picture from us with her camera/phone) and seems to speak to me like a nice guy to Ting...
Now, yesterday at night, when I was out to luch, Ting sister called me at the hotel (she called this morning to say it to me, it is so probably true, and I can't really check for it)
She said she is coming this morning with Ting, because Ting wants to see me, even she has a work, and with the crisis, she says that keeping this job is very important for her.
So...
I know I will go to the agency anyway, but something in Ting let me "doubt" about my "second opinion" about her, I mean, she seems to be very honest anyway. Why would she spend a bit some time with me if she has to work and then, after seeing me, going back to her work and staying a bit some more there?
And she doesn't need to come and see me if she doesn't want... But she comes.
However, there are many things I will have to speak with her, and to see how she will react.
Thanks anyway for your support, comments, brothers.
I'll keep you updated with it ASAP.
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I am confused...probably not as confused as Sylvain. Keep us posted brother, we are here for you in any way we can help.
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Sylvain ... that's common for the man to always pay in China. I encounter the same thing in Guangzhou. Somehow, it's ingrained in the Chinese women's mind to not even offer to go 'dutch' on the bill. I had a company with four other women who came and went during dinner ... not one offer to contribute to the bill.
Like you said, money is not the issue. The bill came out to 288 RMB ... only $ 75 Cdn ... but the courtesy of offering to help pay/contribute didn't even exist. Same thing involving cab fare.
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Sylvian, the thing I don't understand is she has paid a small fortune to meet a foreign man, surely she would have discussed this with the family before you went to China.
I'd call her & tell her you have a big surprise for her, arrange a time and place to meet that is a bit out of the way then don't turn up..........That can be her surprise :icon_cheesygrin:
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Hello Silvain,
Sorry, to hear about your unlucky history! I wish your luck will turn around and it will have a good outcome anyway!
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I can't personally go along with deception, especially if she shows face by showing up, but you will show more face by being honest with her. Do what you can to get to the agency. The translator may get into some trouble, so what.
Then again with the ladies paying for anything, depends on the lady, the lady I went to meet did not do much of anything often. But the lady I am in contact with now did want to pay for things, needless to say she offered but I told her not to worry and she was covered ^_^
Get to the agency, and try to turn your trip around, have some meals with some ladies and let the agency help you out. Never know might find that special one that wins your heart, and you win hers.
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I don't agree with the decption plan. You need to hold true to your values regardless of what your going through. It's the hardest and most disagreable test in life but I feel you should not comprimise those values you've shown her to date.
My position is , if you hold to your values that she already knows about, they will already be tools to show her your character.
Just dont give up. Visit the agency.... why not? I dont wish to sound like a schmuck but the agencies are pooring with lovely ladies and many hopes to find a nice man, as yourself. The edge is, youre there!
Don't dispare but see the sights, adapt your plans and learn the country and visit some agencies. Above all, Dont lose your purpose!
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1) Instead of visiting the agency first ... go through their complete list of lady profiles and have a priority list of 1 to 5 ... otherwise, they'll try to pawn anyone on you.
2) Do an advance search for Chongqing ladies only on ChnLove. Ask someone to read the yellow pages for you. There are other marriage agencies not affiliated with ChnLove in Chongqing. P628 is the only ChnLove based agency in Chongqing.
Don't pay any attention to that idiotic suggestion to make plans and not show up. What a waste of words and space on this Forum; it's not who we're.
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I agree with Ed and Chong, not showing up is dishonourable and downright rude, no matter what's gone before. You need to hold your head high and be better than this.
Sylvain, go to the agency, meet some ladies, you need to do this to give yourself closure and to salvage the trip.
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I would join the last four. Dont hold your breath. It was a real downer, but dont let it get you down. You have the best oppurtunity to make it better something a lot of us cannt afford it. First meeting a lady and then building a relationship. Give it a shot buddy. We all really do feel for you.
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Hi there ;)
so, today was a big one day for me, for many things.
I have learned that nothing is won, but nothing is lost, too.
I saw Ting this morning, we spent about 3 hours together...
You may think that 3 hours are quite nothing. For her, it is 3 hours away from her work, she has to leave it to come, and to go back there, and to finish later, so.
Why?
Because she likes me.
She does not love me, but she is upset because of many things. The barrier because of french language too hard for her, she asked many questions around it, and I just said there were centers with "teachers" where she could learn to speak it. She asked if she would go back to school, I then replied "for sure, no, just to go with some other persons to see someone who will train you to speak french, and I even can.."
She smiled.
She knows that I have many feelings for her, and it seems she isn'nt "distant" about it. Because she likes me, (some pictures just show it, just as under this message), and she laughed because of any things I said to her. I spoke about my situation, family, she cares that my parents could not like a foreigner, I said "my mother is spanish, my daughter is a mix between Martinic and France, so why would they dislike foreigners? She smiled..)
But because of the situation of her parents who may would marry her, she is between "2 fires"... One man she seems to dislike, and me... but she can't go against her parents, and she didn't talk to them about me.
We spoke about many things, and she said that she would take some time, once I'll be back in France, to reconsider the asking for wedding. Because she has feelings for me, but she has to "make her mind and heart clear about all of that"
Things are not so easy, but for those 3 hours, I have seen a very happy lady, who smiled to me many times and her expressive eyes just show it clearly.
Maybe am I hurting myself with it, maybe not... I do not even know. I am not sad, I am just smiling because of this day.
Ting's sister just "brought" us up to tomorrow morning a computer, which is chinese, and translate chinese to english and vice-versa.
It is quite useful and Ting and I just used it to say many sentences.
We spent 3 hours in my room, talking about our "situation", she said that via letters, she really liked to write and to know me, but the "face to face" was quite different, because there are many "options" who come "aboard" the letters.
Anyway, she likes my face, and the way I am.
(OMG, a song is on the radio here, actually... "I just called to say I love you"... and I don't have Ting's number... what a fuck..... :D)
Ting really seems to be honest, she said she was sorry for yesterday because of her work and that she was happy to be with me today. She said too that tomorrow, we will go shopping together. But she was sorry because on Saturday , she has many things to do and she can't accompany me to the airport..
Well, after all, we are not together, and I won't force her to do something against her mind. I just think I am a righteous person, thinking like that. I just said it was a bit sad, but I could understand, I was happy anyway that she used her free time to be with me, because I really like it.
She asked about income, too, and about houses. I said I lived in a flat, a small one, but my parents have 2 houses, and I have another one, too, near their second one, in South of France. I show her some pictures, she liked it.
(It doesn't mean she will love me.... ^^ )
About income, she seemed to be "pleased" about my situation, I said that as I was alone, I could afford myself to buy many brandnames clothes and so on, and to fly to China to see her, because I have "saved" any money for that trip.
She cares about leaving China, she cares about many things in fact.
I said I could understand her position, and I would probably would be like her. But I said that man has to see what his heart tells him what to do, and then, seing with "reason" if there is really a big problem to face or just "many steps" to reach... I said I believed in her, but I didn't have card in my hands to say "it's all done"
She understood and then, just want to take some time to reconsider her position about me.
We were really together for 2 hours/3, because the first one, her sister was with us to speak a bit. She (her sister) left us, saying she had many things to do and that she would come later.
Her sister.
She's really funny in fact.
Since I know her, everytime she sees me, she's smiling and happy to speak with me. She'd like me to marry her sister, she says many time her sister (Ting) how nice I am and gentle, too. Even if I'm a foreigner, I could understand "chinese traditions" and many other things.
She said that she knows that Ting has feelings for me.
When Ting had to leave me, her sister was arriving, and we then left my room.
We went out and Ting said me "bybye", and I then went with her sister... to go eating somewhere.
It was then 02:30 pm.
Well.....
I do not really know how to say it nor what to think about it.
It is the first time I have spent 3 hours with her sister.
We went into a "little restaurant", in fact, it was like many "shops", and we went in, we discussed a lot about Ting, about me, about our situation. Her sister really likes me, I asked why, she said "because you really amazed me when I first met you, you are a very smart person, with a happy face, humor, and gentle, very gentle with my sister". I then smiled and thanked her.
She said that in fact, Ting would probably marry the chinese man in October... because it seems the man sent money to Ting's parents to say he wanted to marry her...
I did not know what she said to me, because a bit sooner, I told Ting at the hotel that I would probably come back in October to see her, and then, she may could introduce me to her parents, if she gave me a "favourable"? reply via a personal letter.
So, right now, for sure, I feel "embarrassed" but Ting's sister said me that Ting would probably talk to her parents about me and that I could send money for the wedding to her parents (same as the other guy, in fact, about 4000 rmb), in October, in case she would really like to be with me.
With it, for sure, I don't really know on which feet to dance, but I was not sad... just remembered Ting smiling when we were together.
I then can better understand her position about me, because she does not know what to do, but she will have to take a decision, whatever it may be a good one or not... (and in fact, how bad could it be, because she would marry anyway with someone...)
Ting's sister knows that I can't lie to Ting, and Ting does know it too, because I said I had my eyes that just reflect my feelings. whatever I am sad or happy, they wil show it for me.
I did not want to be angry with her, because it is not like that that I may could "solve" any problems between us.
And today, I have learned more from her. She's a very beautiful lady, but as she has "2 lovers", there is a choice for her to do, and it wasn't said it would be me... nor the chinese man, at first.
Ting's sister told me about her own situation with a U.S man, saying he had a good situation and so on, she totally loved him, he calls her everyday and she should marry him in September. She has a son, so is he, and it seems the guy is well liked by her family.
So, she thinks there should be no problems with me. And she would speak to Ting's parents about me, and saying to Ting that she has to really "consider" my situation about her.
What else to say...
I don't think they wanted me to not go to the agency, or they are very very "clever"...
Or maybe am I too much "dumb" but I don't think so.
When we finished to eat (it was a soup with nodlles and many other things, we ate rice, too, and spicy sauce with many "cow's parts"
It was pretty nice to eat:)
So, when we were out, it was near 05:00 pm.
I accompanied Ting's sister to her car, she said me she would come alone tomorrow morning, before Ting, just to talk a bit some more with me, and that Ting would aslo come a bit later.
I remembered Ting said me she could be here for middle o clock, to see me.
The more I am speaking about her, the more I know I'd like something to happen... well.. I have to face it.
I then went back to the hotel and I saw the french lady who's working there^^
I then smiled and abused about her services (not private ones :icon_cheesygrin:) and asked her about any nice places to visit over here.
She was very pleased to help me, she showed me 3 good places to visit, and then, I decided to go there, this afternoon and night.
So, I have discovered that Chongqing is a very very big city, which lives day and night non stop, and many chinese people are really "gentle" with foreigners, helpful, if I can say like that. I wanted to see a monument, I could not speak chinese, and a chinese policeman (who I was talking in english in fact) helped me just by showing his hand and showing a way to go. I then saw the way to go and followed it.
I felt under the cham of the city by night. Quite beautiful, the weather is a bit more fresh than the day, where it is warm and warm and warm...
I was very happy to visit this town tonight, and to change any ideas in my mind, saying that my trip is not only 100% "love addicted".
Tomorrow, I will visit again any other nice places, just to say that I really did some nice things over here.
Oh, by the way, the french lady ^^ => I have asked her her private number and email, and I got it. I said her I would probably come back in October, she then asked me if I wasn't looking for a job in Chongqing. I then replied, because I have a daughter who is only 3 years old (in fact, she will be 3 years old in October), I could not leave her in France. She understood my situation, and told me nice places to go to see if I could buy any clothes for my daughter :) This lady is really usefull for me, so, I don't have to lose anything concerning her :)
She can say me when they have cheaps prices at the Hilton Hotel, and so on :)
So, you can just see that today, I did not go the agency to say anything about Ting or anyone else.
I would not like to see any other women, too, because...
I think to myself, that, a "hunter" who runs after 2 rabbits, just comes back home with none of them.
Here, it is a bit like that. I prefer spending time with Ting, even if I have all to waste about time (but I doubt I could even waste my time with her)
Maybe could we become good friends, maybe not, maybe more..
Actually, I don't want to run about any "preferences", just thanking her to be with me everytime she can afford herself time to see me.
Oh, and about my coming back from a mountain to the hotel... LMAO.
I was looking for a taxi, and a man talked to me, I showed him I wanted to go to the hotel. He said ok, and I went into his car (not a taxi one...)
2 mins were passed that he spoke to me in chinese and I could not understand any word. I just replied "wo bu dong". He then replied to myself "ni bu dong ma?" (I think it was something like that) ; and I said "yes"... lol... ; I said "fa guo", with a very bad accent, he did not understand... I showed him a picture of the Eiffel Tower, he then uderstood... he then said me price about the service, I said I did not understand, He showed my mobile, I gave him, he showed me the amount I would give : 400... LMAO...
I then said "bu yia" "no bu dong" ; taxi : 60, he then said he wasn't a taxi and became angry.. I said as using my mobile with the software to speak a bit chinese "please wait a moment", I then said I was not rich enough to have all that money, and that I only paid 60 and nothing else... He had stopped his car while we spoke about it... He tried to "merchand"? with me, saying : 300, I said "bu", he showed "200", I said "bu", he became angry, I said "100" if he wanted, or I should go out the car, he then said me "ok ok"... he drove again, lighting a smoke, switching the radio again, and turning the volume a bit louder. He finally look at me, asking "you like???" (his english was very very very very limited, he did just seemed to know 2 or 3 sentences), and I said in chinese "good", (hao), he then said "xiexie", and I replied "bu xie", he then smiled because I told him "wo ming bei le"... I said too that it was my first travel there, that I was there for leisure.
he finally let me just in front of the hotel and I gave him 100 but he gave me back 40 with a smile.
The "course" with a taxi was like more than 20 just a bit a half the way to go to the mountain, because I went to 3 different places, so I estimated about 60 to go to the mountain, knowing that I spent about 20 mins with a taxi.
Even if my "price" was a bit "higher" than it normally should be, I was happy anyway that the man did the run for me up to the hotel. and that he was "cool" enough to give me money back, too.
Me and Ting in my room, today (her sister took the photo)
(http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/8387/imag0418.jpg)
Me and Ting alone (Ting took the photo, I helped her abit ^^)
(http://img170.imageshack.us/img170/7561/imag0428.jpg)
Dinner with Ting's sister :
(http://img522.imageshack.us/img522/4357/imag0438.jpg)
There were mushrooms inside, tomatoes, noddles, and "parts" of cows.
I will update this topic tomorrow with pictures about the places where I went. Just because here, on this message, there are also 3 pictures.
To end this message until the next one, I wanna thank you all for your brotherhood and all your comments that help me to "better" face my destiny. Whatever it shall be with or without Ting, anyway, as said at this message's beginning, nothing is won, nothing is lot.
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Sylvain Enjoy your time there. We will talk of sending money to her parents when you are back home in France.
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Good for you Sylvain , now the truth from their side is out , you know where you stand , and the pictures are great ,you will have noted the difference between Ting and her sister , as Ting has not been married the family ties are much greater with regards to China and now you know that you are 1 of 2 rabbits , good luck , regards Robert .
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This travel was, for sure, not at all like I expected it could be, but...
From what I can remember, I have learned many things up to now, and as I said to Ting's sister, even if in Europe and many other countries (even in U.S.A), man can "easily" touch women's bodies for all and nothing, in China, I prefer acting with precaution, just because I do not want to shock and anything else...
From many pictures, I see Ting being happy...
I think this is the most essential thing to consider. That was one of my objectives, so it's quite good.
Vince, about sending money later for Ting, I think I'd better wait for her reply first, don't you think so? Because if not, she'd may think I would "force" things to be "in my own way" and not like she would it to may be?
Anyway, this lady's very "mei le" ^^
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Sylvain , I'm very proud of you , the way you handled yourself under such difficult circumstances . Leave it up to a French Man , I must applaud you .
This might lead to somthing special after all . Like Rob B. said , your one of two Rabbit's ... I concider those are very good changes and good odd's .
One more day for you , make the best of that and the way home will not be a negative one for you .
Love those Photo's , Ting is very beautiful and you not soooo bad yourself .:icon_cheesygrin:
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Thanks, Arnold :)
Should I consider myself to be one of your favorites rabbits, too?:icon_cheesygrin:
By the way, I'm actually with Ting's sister, she's actually callin' her boyfriend (U.S) and I've changed my flight for tomorrow, because the old flight I had for Beijing made we waiting there more than 6 hours, so tomorrow, I will only wait 2 hours approximatively, and I just paid 100 euros ^^
I leave you, I'll post later here ;)
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Yes ... Yes ... of course you are !
Have a good flight back home and send us here a Photo of you and the Eiffel Tower .
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No time to wait to go back home to show you that here is a picture with me and the eiffel Tower ;)
You wanted it, I did it :D
(http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/3563/imag0113.jpg)
So, now, any fresh news from Chongqing.
Maybe do promises make ugly guys happy, maybe not...
Today seems to be like a turnover, but I just ask to see by the future if it will really be like I have heard when eating with Ting and her sister.
Ting's sister came to see me this morning at the hotel and we spoke again a few times together, I took some pictures of her for her boyfriend, and we spoke a bit some more about Ting and myself.
Ting just came as she promised yesterday, and we spent 3 hours together, once again, but with her sister.
I wanted to impress her a bit before leaving, and it seemed I had any motivation for it.. I could not explain why, but we ate in a chinese restaurant, and I used my software to say little sentences to speak with her...
She was amazed I could say some "crazy" things and some "simple" things, too, because she did not learn me or speak to me about it. She helped for the pronunciation anyway, so did her sister.
While we were eating, her sister told me that in fact, Ting has more feelings with me right now, but that I had to wait for her to leave her boyfriend, because it seems that the parents met, and she would be with me, to come in France later and so on...
Well, I just did not understand "quite" clearly, so I said "no bu dong", just to say if what I have heard was really that or not.
Ting seemed to manifest to me many smiles and so on, she seems to really like me, and she even laughed when I asked her in chinese to get her phone number and adress, like if she was engaged or not. I told her about french language, saying it was not so hard to write it, because near pinyin language, in fact.
Her sister told I had to really trust her because she really likes me and she thinks that anyway, Ting would be better with me than with the other guy.
From what I have seen, and heard, Ting seems to show her "motivation" to break her relation with the other guy, just to let me "open the door" to come in October, because, for sure, I'll be back, even if it's one week.
We spoke about weddings, her sister wanted to know where to celebrate it, in her country or in france, I just said "both", because I wanted to see her family and that her family could see Ting very happy and so on, and in France because of my family, friends and so on.
Well, Ting was very happy to eat with me today, I was just near her, we spoke a bit together, and as I have checked again for my flight, tomorrow in fact, I'll take off from Chongqing a bit later than I normally should. I just had to pay 100 € but it's ok:)
And Ting said that maybe she could come a bit to see me, she was not sure, but I said I really would appreciate it and so on.
Today, the sun is shining again on Chongqing.
Maybe is it because of two hearts who are happy to be together in the future, who knows?
I have to leave for nom, I'll post some pictures later, and I will try to visit a bit again Chongqing this afternoon :)
See ya all ;)
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Sylvain , it is great that the sister has turned out to be such a help , and it shows that the 2 of them are very close , make sure that she realizes that home is not that far by plane and also if her sister does move to U. S .A that France is halfway there so at some stage you both could visit the sister , The door seems to be open in your favour , regards Robert .
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Many thanks :)
However, I prefer trying to be the most "realistic?" because it is only a said. At the moment, nothing is done.
It seems anyway that Ting really likes me.
As I have changed my flight to take off from Chongqing, tomorrow, I have told her, and she will maybe come to see me, because I told her, that, even if I could see her for only 10 minutes, whatever I have to go somewhere by taxi or not, it would always be 10 minutes more spent with her. She smiled and said she'll try to be a bit free.
Now, if she even has to marry this guy, I don't know if she will really divorce with him after. Her sister told me she will help her to "separate" the best they can, and then, to turn things in my favor.
So, for sure I am happy, but I will more and more happy when I will really have reached another step.
At the moment, no kiss with her..
Maybe should I wait again, until next coming...
In fact, I don't want her to be "frightened" because of it...
Maybe should I, in fact...
I just don't know...
Anyway, I will keep good memories from here.
I'll post later, I am very hungry, as hungry as a man who has not eaten since many days... but, for sure, last time I have eaten was at... middletime.... :D
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Kiss her if you feel you must. Nothing wrong with that. Later when you are home you can take time to think it all out. No rush, take your time. Genteelly withdraw your feelings to leaser. There is that chance she will marry another.
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I would be careful to just go ahead and Kiss her , maybe on the Cheek . You do not want to do that to a Chinese Lady unless you 100% sure she wants it too . But I would not want to leave without a BIG hug from her at least . Ask her Sister , if Ting would feel comfortable with that , the last time you together before leaving . If a Yes , give her either one with the warmest feeling , so she will remember it till your next coming . Buy her some parting Flower's ( Roses for Ting and maybe Lilies for her Sister for al the Help she's been .
Thanks for the great Photo that I ask for and the speed I received it :icon_cool:
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Thanks about your comments :)
I think that, right now, for sure, my mouth gonna stay right to its place and shall wait to the next time I'll come in Chongqing to see Ting.
About flowers, it can be a good idea...
If I am with her, it may be nice to offer her directly, but if she doesn't come, I'll have a problem because I don't have directly her adress.
I hope she would give it to me tonight by QQ or maybe will her sister resend it to me, because I have lost the paper with all her sister's coordinates :(
Last night here before leaving China, well...
I suddenly feel strange. The week is gone so quickly, I really understand why most of you go in China for one month. But I could not take all my holidays...
I think the "big hug" would be a very nice idea too.
And about the picture of the Eiffel Tower and myself, no prob', I knew I got one somewhere with me :)
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Hi there :)
So, the last day for me here.
If all's ok, Ting's sister should come to see me this morning.
By the way, she called me at 08:30 am (she woke me up in fact but I had to wake up anyway :D) and she said that Ting may could come a bit to see me or to accompany me a bit.
So, I will see.
Now, I have to unplug this network cable and I don't know when I'll update here, except when I'll be at home.
See ya all :)
I'm finishing with my baguages ^^
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Hi there :)
So, the last day for me here.
If all's ok, Ting's sister should come to see me this morning.
By the way, she called me at 08:30 am (she woke me up in fact but I had to wake up anyway :D) and she said that Ting may could come a bit to see me or to accompany me a bit.
So, I will see.
Now, I have to unplug this network cable and I don't know when I'll update here, except when I'll be at home.
See ya all :)
I'm finishing with my baguages ^^
Slyvain,
comme on dit en français, je suis désolé pour votre dilemme. Vous souhaitons un bon voyage.
Skip
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just using my pda to say Ting did not come, seems like she s with the chinese man... well, I ll post later with any more news. Skip, thanks for your message
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Sylvain, maybe the reason Ting didn't come may not be the reason you think, don't lose hope, wait until you are home and call or write her, see what is going on first, then make up your mind.
good luck and best wishes.
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You are not leaving there a loser but a winner. No matter what.
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Boy ... this is certainly a Week in his Life , that he will never forget .
I think this is way from over , but if it is ... he'll will find / know it soon after getting back writing to Ting . She does have to make up her Mind soon and not let both the " RABBIT's " run around in circle's . I think he will be alright ... either way , even though it hurt's .
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No matter what happens Sylvain, you can be sure you have friends here and we hope the best for you buddy. I admire your courage and strength during what seemed like a rough time. Have a safe trip back.
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Hi there ;)
I'm actually back in France, but OMG....
Yesterday seemed to be my best nightmare's day of the week, and afternoon, so.
I will try to respect all what happened to me and to share it with you.
So, yesterday morning, I saw Ting's sister and we went shopping together. In fact, I was looking for a small bag, just to help me to stock some clothes and so on from China. Finally, I bought a bag like I was looking for, and the price was 284 yan, if my memory is good. Anyway, this is a good bag :)
Ting's sister said me again, that Ting will write me anyway about her and us, and that I should not worry and anything else.
As I said to her, I only ask to believe in her, but if Ting doesn't write me or say me correctly she wants to live with me or anything else, it will be ku nan to help her.
Ting has to "end" her relation with her boyfriend (that still seems to me impossible for an unknown reason) because she really likes me and that she would be very happy to live with me.
But I think that on those next days, I'll may have any more news about it.
Yesterday, in fact, I was true. Ting was maybe at work but she was at a moment with the chinese man, so I don't know what to think... well, that fucky question's still in my head.
She said too, that, anyway, if there would be no way with Ting,she would be happy to introduce me to some friends of her, but one of them whose I who Introduced too, was not at ease and didn't speak english.
I said Ting's sister I didn't want the lady to waste her time withme, so they left me at 01:50 pm.
After that, I ate at the Hilton's restaurant and talked a bit with some employees. It ws quite nece and interesting, because I could speak english and chinese.
I decided later to go and visit the agency....
what a fuck....
I tried many times to go there and to find it. I asked a lady in the street who helped me for about 15 mins by phone, calling some friends of her to help to find that fucky adress.
'seems like nobody knew exctly this adress.
A bit later, a young lady wanted to helop, and finally, after 20 mins, she decided to call the policemen to take me to the place...
It was like a "circus show" because many persons were around me, looking who I was and where I could came from.
When they arrived, I thought to me "oh God, when they will see I'm here to go the agency for meeting ladies, how will they react..."
In fact, they found the place..
and a man who was there said us that it was closed so I could not do anything.
What I don't understand is that Sherry gave me in fact Ting's phone and not the agency's one.
I decided to go back to the hotel when it suddenly rained.
A motorcycle came to rescue, and took me back to the hotel.
When I arrived at the hotel, I was wet on all one side of my jean, and same for tee shirt.
I had to change myself, it was just 05:30 pm, and I had to leave at 05:30 pm.
Just the time to change, to thank many persons who I have talked to for those days, and I finally had a taxi that took me to the airport.
** End of this topic, it will be updated asap because it's only a part **
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Welcome home Sylvain
Like many others here [look at the view numbers] i have been fascinated by your experience in china, each morning before work i would open computer and go straight to Operation Chongqing for my daily update, we have experienced the highs and lows of your trip like no other before to the point when i sometimes felt quite sad.
I must say how impressed i am with how you have handled your self in difficult circumstances with a great deal of dignity.
My personal opinion is that Ting and her family are the losers in this situation if they choose the chinese man for a husband over you, if they were able to read your blog each day they may have different thoughts.
One thing is for certain there is a very lucky girl somewhere in china who does not know it yet, when this is all over and you wish to start again you will meet a girl who is worthy of your love, i look forward to this story.
A la prochaine
Agarn
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Thanks about your comment, Agarn :)
By the way, Ting's sister (her name's seems to be Zhou) just wrote me that she was happy to have news from me and that she will write me more news about Ting and I later, so I will wait for it.
Now, is another part of my story, I just think one of the best ones...
Leaving the hotel for the airport in time was nice, but as I was changing myself before, I have asked to any grooms of the hotel, if for any weather conditions, flights could be delayed or cancelled? I was told no, or very rarely.
I then went to the airport by taxi, and, once there, what do I see? that my flight is just "delayed", due to weather conditions...
Too bad.. I had already changed my previous flight for Beijing (6 hours waiting there, instead than 1H30 with that flight), and I said "oh God, I hope I'll get in the plane in time..)
Time was very very like an "enemy" for me, because each time I wanted it to be the time to land off, we had to wait again a bit...
Finallly, we landed off at 09:20 pm, instead than 08:50 pm, and I saw there were only 2 hours flight for Beijing...
It just sounded strange to me, because from Beijing to Chongqing, last time, I did 2 hours and 30 mins approximatively.
I checked without asking (I should had had!!) and I saw there was another destination (hanyun???)
Once I was in the plane, I saw to myself that all was nice and so on, and I enjoyed leaving finally Chongqing airport, but not really leaving Ting...
2 hours later, so, I hear we arrive at Beijing, so I'm happy but I only see a small way for planes....
WTF??????? :huh:
I go out the plane and see a small building.
I then ask someone "Beijing Airport?" and I'm said "yes"
So, i don't understand.
Once I have all my baguages, I feel there's a problem coming ...
A lady at the "douane"? just asks me my visa/flight. I then ask her and I suddenly see that I'm in the wrong aiport.
O
M
G
I then feel despited, saying that I'll never be there on time (it was 00:30 am) and my next flight was à 01:10 am from Beijing.
In fact, I was not at the good aiport, this one was not international...
How could I did guess that???
Anyway, I was really anxious...
One man looked at me and said "taxi??" and I immediately said "yes"!
I told him where to go, he seemed to understand a bit...
Once we were in his car, he called a friend of him and I spoke with that one, so, in english because he understood.
in fact, I understood that I was in a wrong airpot (not international one) and that we had to speed up, just because for 50 mins by car, we would had never been there in time...
I asked in chinese to the driver if he could speak english, he said only "yes, yes, it's ok";..
I told him "quick", and readed a sentence with my software, to say "I want to go to Beijing International Airport".
Just a fem moment next, he decided to go outside the car. I then saw he was hidding his car's identity, in front of the car and behind.
Do not ask me if it is authorized ^^
Once it was done, he called another lady, who confirmed with me it was Beijing Internation airports, and which terminal to choose.
Go to believe it or not, guys...
that man was very good !!! ^^
He drove more than 50 km/H the limitation, and had no problem.
We arrived at 00:55 am at the airport (I repeat, that man was really amazing when driving) and he had no problem.
We had to pay a bit at a sort of a "gate" before arriving to the airport , and as he knew he will had to pay, he stopped his car to change again the identity's of the car :)
He then left me , and I gave him 300 yuans for the run. It it quite a lot, I admit, but once again, he did his best to help me and I was very happy for it.
Once I entered the airport, in 5 mins, I had all ok ^^
My baguages were ok, my checkup too, and I then could see other people who were on the way to board in the plane.
10 mins later, it was closed and the plane began to engage on a pist to land off.
I looked at myself, saying alone "W A F D T"
What A Fucky Day Today :icon_cheesygrin:
I was looking everywhere, just saying that now, it was all done, I was coming back in France.
That week was very rich in feelings, emotions, and I never thought chinese people could be very "helpfull" when we could be lost somewhere and so on.
Maybe do some of them dislike foreigners, however, just look at me, many persons brought me their helps ^^
I think I would be sad anyway because I don't know about Ting's feelings for me. Zhou wrote me she loves me but I think "to love" is not the correct word. Actually, she's not on QQ and I don't have any news from her since yesterday. Maybe am I too "exigeant"? Zhou told me yesterday that Ting had to separate with the guy, but it could take some time, because she likes him anyway, and he gives her money each month ('seems like she's earning about 400 yuans), so it's quite hard to live correctly I think, wit it.
Well, Zhou is maybe "on the way to force, or maybe to "convince" Ting to be with me".
I'll see how it will evolve.
One of the good memories I keep about her is some pictures on my mobile, taken by her, showing just her & myself.
Maybe yes, for any reasons, she'd better be with a foreigner...
But love sometimes is difficult to understand and I don't really know how much she can like me.
Even if she was happy everytime we met each others :)
Well.
I think that for now, I'm ready to go there again in October, and I have to look for all administrative papers to do, if Ting would really come in France.
And even if it would not be the case, I coul eventually check at the process for all of it to be done.
I'll update some pictures a bit later, I'm just a bit tired :)
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Sylvain , you sure ... made sure ... that your last day there was as exciting as the previous day's :huh:
Thank you sooo much for a very interesting Insight of One Brothar - One Week in He** oh I mean in China . I will applaud you again , for the way you handled yourself under these hard and never ending circumstances you were faced with .
I bet you need another week's vacation just to recover .
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Arnold, I would say "exciting" because of the limited time to go from one point to another one, and wishing that my plane for Brussels would not leave when I would be near the airport. Just for that, in fact ;)
For sure, I am a bit tired right now that I'm at home, but I think I will sleep well tonight, because tomorrow, I'll have to go working again.
WAS..
What A Sheet :D
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Sylvain,
In the south (Arkansas) we have an expression: "Don't try to push a rope up a hill" It holds especially true for relationships.
You invested a tremendous amount of time, money and energy making your way to China to meet Ting. Most importantly, she failed to be forthcoming with you, and allowed you little, if any chance for success. Likely she isn't deceitful, just stuck between a rock (you) and a hard place (the Chinese guy). Regardless of her motivation, she wasn't honest...not before you arrived or during your trip to see her.
Now that you're back in France, what hope do you have that she will reform herself? That means to me, either dump her resident boyfriend or ask you to move on. Here is a great you tube video; a song by Mary MacGreagor, released in 1977: Torn between two lovers". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3WMHBJu8Tg Actually the comments on the video are really interesting.
I admire you for the gracious way you handled the dilemma you found yourself in. If I were in your shoes (and trying to divorce myself from the anger and frustration I would feel), I would allow Ting to have much more freedom that she might like. I would ask her to make a choice and be damn sure of it. The rule: Until you are free of the "hard place" please don't communicate with me. I think it is totally unhealthy for you if she insists on "having her cake and eating it too" (another southern expression) :)
I expect that I will find myself in the minority here with this response. But what the hell, you are a smart guy, you can hear both sides and make a good decision.
You are honorable, handsome and loyal. There are plenty of women on CHL without all of the baggage who would jump at a chance to have a forthright relationship with you.
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I know there are things that I did not really mention because I lived too many hours there, with and without Ting.
The thing I know sure from Ting is "When you will be back home, I will need some time to be sure of my feelings for you".
I mean and understand easily, by that, that Ting will have to take a decision, whatever she chooses to be with me or not.
By the way, what about pictures where she seems to be very happy with me? Shall I say to myself that it is so easy to spend 3 hours a day with someone instead going on with work?? I don't even think so. For sure, in France, if I would leave my work in the afternoon with no really good reason, I would be at the door on next morning.
As i said to Zhou, I need Ting to write me and to say me so many things. Even if Ting was with me and Zhou in a restaurant when Zhou asked me (translating from Ting) : "she asks where you would marry". And I know I then looked at Ting who looked at me.. just like as if it was a really honest question and so on.
Playing with my heart? Hmm.. Maybe, maybe not.
Zhou told me so, that Ting seemed that I was a bit joking with her when I wrote her letters. But she realized when she saw me that I was really honest, and that's why she was upset. Because many women seem to think that us, western men, are not really "honest" when writing to them, just writing some feelings as if it was just to say "hello, how are you?".. I think you all can understand it, even if that would not sound good.
Zhou told me so, that Ting maybe would stay with her boyfriend but not sure because she saw me for a short time but it seemed anyway to make "trouble" in her feelings.
About October, I would go there for sure if Ting really shows me that she really likes me and so on, but at the moment, I prefer watching where I'm walking, just for not falling in a hole :)
Thanks anyway for comments that I can easily understand, too.
And for now, I just think I'm not ready to see any other women via chnlove... just because I need some time for Ting to say me where she is about her feelings and seeing if I really will say to the agency what I lived in Chongqing if nothing would go "better" by the future with Ting...
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Sylvain really hope things do work out for you i really do but dont let her string you along bud anyways you have your own mind im sure you will choose wich is right for you all the best mate.
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I was going to stay out of this but seriously mate, get a grip & move on. You seem like a nice guy, maybe too nice for your own good, I think you mentioned earlier that if you sent a red envelope with 4,000 in it you may win the parent's over...........Are they selling her? Looking for a bit of non refundable cash? Maybe you and the Chinese guy could stand out the front of her house & have an auction, highest bidder gets the girl.
It also seems you saw more of her sister than you did of her, why?
I wouldn't bother to contact her until she contacts you with some pretty convincing apologies for suckering you into coming to meet her when there was another man already on the scene, which you should have asked in the first place, if she was the nice girl you think she is she would have told you exactly what was going on & not been a deceitful $#%@, and take my advice, never fall in love till you have spent time with someone, especially not over the net.
And when you go back in October..............Go to a different city so you don't waste any more time pursuing her, it's not going to happen!!!!!!!
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In fact, there may be a misunderstanding.
I don't want to deal about "sellings" and anything else because to me, this "traditionnal" way to be for some chinese parents is a bit like that. Even if the lady doesn't really want to marry someone, if that person gives money to her parents, she wil also have to marry with him...
But I never said I wanted to do it or to say that I can do better than the chinese man. Even if I got money, that's not I'm looking for.
Ting did not spend more or less time than her sister, maybe was a bit equal. But the way to be, to act, I mean Zhou, is something "special". Maybe because she is older, she is more "mature"? maybe because she is older, so she can see things differents? I think she is honest with me.
But maybe is she trying to force her sister to be with me, just because of "green card". In fact, she told me about it but she said too that Ting really likes me. And I can say I know Ting likes me. And Zhou would like Ting to end up her realationship with the chinese but Ting seemed to reply her by saying "step by step", (slowly) because up to now, he did no "wrong thing" to say that she didn't want anything more with him.
Anyway, Zhou told me that she wanted me to leave China with good memories, and that is was quite "normal" for her to be with me if Ting could really not. Because of the same family and because she wanted me to be happy before leaving (she even introduced me to a friend of her, but I did not want to spend some time with that lady...)
I prefer gaining some parents by being myself and without forcing whatever could evolve between Ting and me. Or not.
I know Ting has to bring me any response, but I don't want to force her by saying "do it, don't do it, but do something"..
Right now, I'm in France, she's in China and maybe does she live everyday with the chinese man, in fact I don't know anything about that.
that's why, too, I can't permit myself to contact the agency to say some things that could may probably wrong. And with it, it would be more difficult to "gain" any better steps with Ting's feelings about me.
For sure, if nothing goes well in a couple of weeks, in October I don't think I would see her again.
But I would really appreciate to go back to the hilton, just because I know some persons over there and that, maybe they could help me to meet some nice persons, who knows? :)
One of them just told me that I should look for a massage before leaving, I said i needn't, but maybe on next time, who knows.
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I would say , Sylvain had enough support for right now ( either way ) and He only He will need of few day's to think this over without any of us here , pulling and pushing him back and forth . I know we all mean well , but let's give him some slack to come up with the right plan to go on .
Let him come back and tell us what his decision is going to be .
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I agree Arnold, Sylvain, its must have seemed like a roller coaster ride of a trip and over so soon.
Whatever happens in the future the brothers here have your back, take a few days to get back to normal life, then I'd suggest rereading your trip reports from when you were there. You are back home now, no time constraints, you need our advice or opinions (and everyone has an opinion on everything!) we will be here for you.
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Yes Arnold you are correct.
However, I responded in the fashion I would expect from those who would follow my future dilemma. To me, and maybe I would like to be considered the king of the phrase, I believe in "taking the meat and tossing the bones". That includes what I had to say. We all have a means of theologizing our temperments. In other words, we can explain our behavior in a way that makes us comfortable.
As I said in my earlier post: Sylvain is a smart guy. Only he can be responsible for his decisions. Including further hurt to his well being. I think an honest response is appropriate. No advise, just straight talk. What ever decision he makes will be his. It's like being the POTUS. I believe, if I am a worthwhile member of this group, I owe that to him.
I am so grateful for this site. For me, if I find myself faced with the same confusion because of the relationship I am building, I want everyone to give me the straightest response they can muster. Then it will be me who makes the decision. And, it sits squarely on my shoulders.
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Skip , I was only thinking that in a way we are making it harder for him , if we throw too much his way . Even meant to help him . We ourselves could go on and on about his Trip , knowing that he is also reading all our suggestions . After a while it will not help him but only confuse him more , to a point where he is ready to throw in the Towel , instead having time off to sort it all out by himself and make a decision based on his experience and our input's that he has already . Going back to work with just one day's rest after such an ordeal , he needs to be alone for a while . Unless he looks us up again for further answer's .
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Arnold, I have to agree with you that Sylain needs quiet time now that he is home, and must say that he handled himself wonderfully while he was in China with all that taking place, I am sure when the time comes and he is refreshed from the trip and has time to contemplate on everything he will make the right decisions, and we also have to give him time to mend a bit of a crimpled heart, cant say that it has been broken yet, but his healing time will be determined on his thoughts at the present time, but also must agree that when help is asked for sometimes that the answers seem to be a bit creul but some times the truth hurts, I do believe however that his lady should have informed her parents much sooner then she did and maybe some of this wouldnt have happened,,,,,,,,,,,,,but this is just my 2 cents worth
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What ever your decisions are it is only you that have to live with it.. Take your time Sylvain and think it over more than once before you decide..
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Peter good job simple and straight to the point.
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Day by day, I'm askin' myself many questions...
Firstly, Ting said to me via EMF's that she didn't have any webcam.
When I was at Chongqing, by a misunderstanding, I could get her "private" QQ ID', and saw that in fact, she had a webcam, too.
Did she care about something from me to not say directly "I have one but I don't want to use it with you right now??" => I still don't know.
Secondly, I have no more news from her since 2 - 3 days. Not a simple word to say "have a good flight" or anything else. Just nothing...
Maybe is it just a way to say that she doesn't want to hear about me anymore ..
Thirdly, I still don't understand why I've never been told about her boyfriend.
Fourtly, I've checked our EMF's, and we have written to each other more than 220 EMF's...
Should I then tell myself I've just been fooled and abused or so ugly to spend more than 1100 $ for maybe nothing?
Fifthly, I have no more news from the translator, too. I think she cared to see me alone because I was angry when I was in Chongqing, Ting told me that she would see me the next day, but she never came, nor that nobody called me to say it...
Right now, I'm in France.
I just realize I have some good and some bad memories about my trip. I just don't know what to think about Ting...
I wrote to her sister, asking for explanations.
I wrote a simple Emf once again via Chnlove (because I have a few credits to use), just to see how she would react.
I wrote her a mail, too, saying I was well arrived in France and saying about my travel and experience...
I think that I did my best to try to understand many things...
Now, I know I have no way to wait any longer than this week to have any replies from her...
If she would not reply, I then will post to Chnlove and say about my story, how I've been fooled since many months, how the feelings were abused because I was written that Ting loved me but in real, it was not that at all...
And that their services are quite very bad, because if they say that they check if the ladies are free and so on... why did I have to go in China, and hearing that Ting has a chinese boyfriend who wants to marry her?????
I think you will easily understand that I can be angry, anxious and sad, too, for many things.
If I have lived some nice experiences with people over there, about Ting, there still are right now some questions which are not solved but which need to be solved very quickly...
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Yes I've heard all the looking after & supporting the brotherhood, maybe you should all grow some balls and start standing up like real men instead of trying to cover everything in cotton wool.
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Yes I've heard all the looking after & supporting the brotherhood, maybe you should all grow some balls and start standing up like real men instead of trying to cover everything in cotton wool.
Just wondering, are Neanderthals real men?
Sorry Guys, I responded non constructively to a posting I viewed non constructive, but rather destructive.
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You have much to think about. You and only you can make up your mind to continue or not with her. But PLEASE, do not think it is a fault of yours. It is not. I do not know her game? but it is her playing a game. Now you make your rules for the game.
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'just wanna think that it can't be like that.., hoping I haven't been fooled...
Anyway, if Chnlove then really abused about the emf's letters, is there any way to find a solution to the problem I met?
I mean, can't I get some free credits or money from the agency who just lied to me about Ting's feelings and so on???
My head's gonna explode, there are too many questions...
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'just wanna think that it can't be like that.., hoping I haven't been fooled...
Anyway, if Chnlove then really abused about the emf's letters, is there any way to find a solution to the problem I met?
I mean, can't I get some free credits or money from the agency who just lied to me about Ting's feelings and so on???
My head's gonna explode, there are too many questions...
Sylvain, what can I say?
Sorry it happened, sometimes adventure is not all about good times. You impressed me with how you carried yourself. D'Artagnan would have been proud.
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Write to Chnlove and tell them just as you had here that she was to be a free woman and she is not. They may offer something? Maybe all? Maybe some? But it's good to write to tell them the truth.
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Give it another 24 hours rule. Last chance for her. Do your due dilligence next ... Fill in the "Visiting Ratings" Report for her and the agency. Then contact Customer Service.
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I think I should first wait to have more fresh news from Ting and her sister before writting to Chnlove and explain all my story there.
"Maybe" would Ting really like me, right now, I just need her to really show it to me.
That's why, too, for many reasons, I feel anyway sad, because I don't understand many things...
Who shall I believe? The translator, who said me that Ting was upset concerning me, because of the feelings and the fact she cared about coming in France if we would marry and so many other things?
Do I have to believe her sister who took a lot of her time too, just to talk a lot with me and said me many things? And who asked me about the wedding and so on, while Ting was just looking at me, sitting next to me??
Do I have to believe Ting finally, when she said she was very busy with her work and could not come to see me?
Without any replies from any of those 3 persons, for sure, it would be very hard to know what to do...
except that I should then write to Chnlove and saying all that happened to me, since the beginning... 'till the end.
I don't know if D'Artagnan would had been proud of me, but, for sure, actually, my heart's lost into a big wave of questions.
I wish that I will have more news in less than 15 hours. It would really be a good "beginning" for better understanding if possible.
Chong, actually, I'm still in contact with Sherry Chu.
She gave me the agency's adress in Chongqin and I said her that I had "met" any problems when I was in Chongqing.
But as I don't know who I shall say it to, I've asked her if I had to say it to her directly or to write to the agency, in Chongqing.
I should have any reply from her tomorrow, I think, so I will see what to do once Ting will have replied to me. Or not.
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I doubt you'll get any credits back from ChnLove. As far as they're concern, Ting is a free woman. She's not married. ChnLove can't be responsible for skeletons in a woman's closet. The fact that Ting has a boyfriend is not ChnLove's fault. They'll say it's the woman's onus to tell you she has a boyfriend and the fact that she didn't over 220 EMFs is a lack of communication between you two and the translator. I would go after the agency and the translator for deceit & fraud for withholding vital information. But the translator will plead ignorance and will claim that she had no knowledge of the Chinese boyfriend.
I hope they write you back buddy but it's looking bleak. Sorry !!!
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Sorry Sylvain, I was pushed to join the lunch crew here and did not finish my posting properly. But my reference to D'Artagnan, was because you wore your heart on your sleeve for us all to see and read. D'Artagnan was just a fictional character, while you lived the real life adventure. It is always easier to read about others adventures, but to live our own, that is what builds character. It is unfortunate that your trip was such wonderful reading because of the problems you encountered. Your journey captivated our attention and our hearts.
You are still in the midst of an emotional storm. Thanks for sharing with us your inner thoughts. And I hope the rest of your week you can find that calm harbor to take refuge to collect your thoughts.
What I have learned from your journey and from the others responses are that yes we need to make sure the parents are aware of the foreigner courting their daughter. It seems that most of the bad results we have seen have been with younger women on Chnlove. Maybe because of their age, they do not view the seriousness of their endeavor in marrying a foreigner. It should be obvious to most of the ladies that they would be the ones moving.
What happened to you was also many of the fears I had before going to China my first time. How could I handle myself after pouring my heart into my letters? I saw how excited you were before your trip. Your trip turned sour but through it all you tried to keep a true heart. It is this romantic streak that you carry, like us, believing that the pursuit of LOVE is a noble and worthy goal. Some of us will meet with failure because of deception, some because of lack of foresight. It does seem that we have had too many set backs, with yours being the latest. It seems strange that Ting would pay good money to join the agency on just a lark. But I agree with Vince that it seems like a game was being played. Don’t blame yourself for being fooled. I think this is a path we all must travel in order to fully understand what True Love is. Heck, I am still learning, and from vicariously reading your journey, it has allowed me to learn from you. After all, sometimes truth is stranger then fiction.
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Skip , I was only thinking that in a way we are making it harder for him , if we throw too much his way . Even meant to help him . We ourselves could go on and on about his Trip , knowing that he is also reading all our suggestions . After a while it will not help him but only confuse him more , to a point where he is ready to throw in the Towel , instead having time off to sort it all out by himself and make a decision based on his experience and our input's that he has already . Going back to work with just one day's rest after such an ordeal , he needs to be alone for a while . Unless he looks us up again for further answer's .
I am learning here. I respect your experience.
I have eleven really good male buddies. We have met together for the purposes of sounding out issues in each other's lives--about 14 years. No advice, just impressions from each. Some of it is tough to take. In the end, just as if you spent time with a therapist, it's your decision. But, I honestly will defer to your suggestion and withhold my thoughts. I appreciate all that you do and the time you give to the forum.
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But the translator will plead ignorance and will claim that she had no knowledge of the Chinese boyfriend
The translator said that Ting knew it recently in fact from her parents, but she knew the guy since 4 months and he was "good friend" for her.
Now, what really makes me angry, is to see that I've spent many many many money ... just to see that maybe I am blushed...
Ok, I played the "game", I hoped something that was maybe quite not sure at all, I ever wanted to go in China and meet Ting, even if I've never told to her via phone before, nor via webcam...
Readin' some discussion with her via QQ on my netbook just lets me "perplexe"? because I don't know what to understand...
She said me she really liked me, she had to think about marriage and so on with me "IF" it's gonna be with me and in france, how life would be and income, too... sending me 2 pictures of her...
and 2 hours by webcam...
Well.. she told me many times she liked my flowers, she liked any other gifts, and one of the recent ones was a perfume, Yves Saint Laurent... her sister looked at it and really liked it... so did Ting...
But for sure, there are some things that I can't understand...
Maybe tomorrow all of it will become more understandable if Ting replies to me...
Just a night to see (it is 10:35 pm here, in France)
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What ever your decisions are it is only you that have to live with it.. Take your time Sylvain and think it over more than once before you decide..
Sylvain, i think summarized what we are all thinking the best, this is your journey, your life, don't make any rash decision, think it over, then once you think you know what's right, sleep on it, if you still feel the same take action.
I sometimes make a list of of + and - about a thing I cannot decide, sometimes just writing it all down makes the decision easier, most times readin the list that i've more things in the + than the - or they are more important things and the right decision is obvious.
Take your time, and once you have made up your mind stick with your decision.
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Irish, I quite understand all of that, and it's quite hard for me to make a list with all & nothing to write...
Sometimes, I say myself that love is so blind that we could trust all & nothing, just because we love...
Right now, I just feel stupid because my feelings should had not be like that until I've met Ting in real...
But even in real, she was more beautiful than via pictures I had from her profile... and via QQ.
In my personal case, I just don't see what I have to win, to be with someone for many hours, thinking to myself that I am with that person, and not at work...
Even if I was at work and would see a friend of me, without any good reasons, I would be laid off on the next day... that's why I just can't understand if Ting really wanted to play with me.. because it seems she didn't.
But because she would like me, she even could send me a nice flight, and anything else...
I would have liked my story to have a very happy end like most of yours, truly..
Madly
Deeply..
It seems it is just "as a dream" with a "turnin' around", until Ting replies to me with any more explanations.
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Well, well, well...
I think I shall be ready to face how things will turn on (in a few days?) with dignity, and saying myself, that I don't have to regret anything...
I played the game, I wanted to speak with Ting, I wanted to see her, I wanted to show her feelings...
I did it all.
I have written to Chnlove, saying that I closed my request, saying all was resolved...
I did not mention what was really the problem I could have had in Chongqing and how was the situation with Ting...
For sure, I would really like something magic to happen...
Yesterday, when I was sleeping, I had a mail for Siriu (Ting's translator, from the agency), who I met in Chongqing last week. She wrote me that, due to the weather, she could had no really good connexion for Internet.
She said that Ting's sister told her about Ting's feelings for me and that.... Ting began to fall in love for me but didn't say it to me. By the way, she said too that Ting was willing to marry me. She said too that she (Siriu) cared about men, and asked if I really will go in October to see Ting once again.
Yeah, you can easily understand that I woke up with a smile...
But, as I have written to Ting via an EMF, I saw today she got it, but she didn't give any answer. Nor that she sent me any mail or anything else.
That's a reason that just lets me thinking she maybe needs some more time or that, maybe will I get an emf from her tomorrow morning, who knows... just going into a "no way"... ?
If Siriu and Ting's sister are right, I then have to face future differently once again.
By the way, I wrote to Siriu, asking any questions about Ting and asking her to confirm her feelings.
Because I don't want to force her, nor that I don't know what is happening between her and her boyfriend.
Anyway, right now, I don't really know how to admit anything without any sign of life from Ting.
And then I will admit if I just was the bad rabbit...
Or not.
Maybe another answer in a few couple of days, maybe not.
Actually, I'm here, she's there...
If I can easily admit I miss her, I can say too that I'm ready to go to next step asap.
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I think that hope is the last thing that will fade away for you. I really hope that you will have some luck after your trip and all thing is going to work out your way. Take your time and let Ting make her decision...
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Is hope a part of destiny?
Shall we believe in it?
anyway, as I think up right now, I did nothing bad, and I appreciate the fact that Sirui wrote me. Just as if things are maybe not so bad...
I'd like to have some luck, too, but if I would be really a fucky lucky man, I'd rather not let that luck go away later :)
"Take your time"
*watches his own watch*
*takes it*
And then? What's next?:icon_cheesygrin:
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Sylvain , you have all of us waiting on the sideline for Ting's next move , hope it's in your Favor . You little Rabbit you .:icon_cheesygrin:
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Sylvian all the best mate, do you have Ting's sisters phone number? If you do why not call her and get the actual facts from a family member, you seemed to be able to communicate well enough with her in China.
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Any news via EMF
My dear Xixi,
Nice weather with the coming of your letter! Also brings me nice feeling of happy!After the heavy rain the air become very fresh and the whole streets become very clean.So we we meet with bad thing,but forsure there muxt be something good hidden.^^
Dear Xixi,I also miss you a lot.In fact I should admit that when you are here, I do not cherish you and even wish you can come back to France as soon as possible.because I feel I can not communicate with you and I really meet with many problems about that.But now when you leave me I feel much lost in my heart.i think I begin to miss you a lot.
I deicide to tell the truth to you.because my sister had told you.But without the translator I think you can not understand well.I only should say that there are to many misunderstandings between us.In fact one of my friend introduce this website to me.And I wait for you all the time.At first my parents believe it.But after they wait a long time,they think maybe the foreigners will cheat us.SO they doubt it and ask my realatives to introduce some boy to me.And at that time I do not know wehther you really will come or not.SO I just keep touch with that boy.And these days he sunddenly give money to my parents and also begin to give some money to me and said we should begin to prepare the wedding.I am not willing but my parents ask me to do that.but at this time I know you will come here.So my feeling is very complicated.Can you understand???And after staying with you I feel I still like you much more than that one.Dear Xixi,I have not been married.I think we still have chance to fight for our future.if I really marry that one, we will lose the chance to be together.So I never mean that I cheat you.I just express my real feeling.i also miss you a lot.After your going I miss you so much really.I think more than your imagination.
I have seen your photos.Little angle is so lovely I wish oneday I can hug her.She is really very beautiful.But dear I wish to see your photos.I miss you.How can you be so merciless to not show your pics here???I miss you.
P.S.I have called my translator.She said she will wirte to you soon.Did you get her letter???
Yours
Forever
Ting
it is 05:02 am here in France,I do not sleep well because I know I was waiting for news from Ting. Well, what else to say?
I've replied many minutes ago, I told her I was honest since the beginning, I told her I wanted to come back and to be introduced to her parents, but I want her parents to give me any chance to meet them and to show them that foreigners do no cheat their daughters...
by the way, I have called Ting's sister, she said she will write me today. I wrote on Ting's QQ (the 2 Id's) and to the translator, too.
I just can't do anything else..
I don't either know what to think about that emf, except that it seems that Ting likes me more than the guy...
EDIT :
06:06 am
I wrote to the translator, she replied me she is translating my letter to Ting asap.
I wrote to Sherry Chu, requesting a big help from their services.
I think that, if we are customers here, they should help us on many things, and after all, I'm using their services by writting to Ting. If their wish is to have many good comments and so on, I think they could help me to "convince" or "beg" Ting's parents to let me just any chance to meet them and to show that I'm not a bad foreigner at all.
So, maybe is love "crazy" and so on... I think I am using anything that can help to do my best, just wishing Ting's father and mother would let me one chance to be with Ting...
I know, I am maybe mad/crazy and so on...
I just know what I want...
It's Ting, only her.
I'll keep this topic updated whenever possible.
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Hey , maybe I'm part French Romantic , but if I was in your Shoe's Sylvain , you know my answer . Get that Glove out and Fight for your Lady . Show Ting's Parent's , you are a better Man for their Daughter . Remember , you need to make sure ... your doing most of that before your next Visit . Write them a seperate letter ... that Ting can translate ... Flower's to the Mom . Make sure you know their Names , birthday's anything personal you can get from Ting . She's got to fight with you on this or it's not going anywhere .
But .. you are in your Shoe's , so you need to take it one step :icon_arrowu: or just let it be .
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I admire a man that can stand up for what he believes in. Good on you Sylvain. I have a feeling if her parents see your courage, strength and commitment they will come around.
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Thanks about your comments :)
Writting a letter? A handwritten one? Or just like a mail which would be printed?
I think a handwritten one would be better... but I write very badly ^^
Anyway, this is a first good thing.
But about flowers for the mom and so on, I don't know what to think, because for my first travel there, I offered Ting some chocolates, and she NEVER told me what she did with it, nor if her parents got it and liked it..
What I see now is there are only 2 issues.
Or it goes fine, I can have her parents's accord.
Or it goes bad, and I go in a "no way, dude".
I think that I just have to show that effectively, I really have feelings for Ting and that I am very sincere and so on.
Well, I should think about sleeping sometimes, too.
Eh, brothers'! if one of you wants to sleep a bit for me, I'm ok :D
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Sylvain,
I admire your approach! Wanting to meet her parents really speaks volumes about who you are.
On the Other hand, I always like to ask – why? Why are you in love with Ting? What has she shown you that make you feel the way you do right now? Why do you feel the way you do? In 15, 30, 360 days, will you feel the same way?
What is it about Ting that really make you want to throw down the gauntlet and fight to the end?
In asking why, maybe this will help you clarify some things.
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Sylvain, first I want to apologize for not being there for you earlier in this thread. Too many things on my mind and need time to reflect on my own situation here. Did not have enough time to read all of the posts yet I've skimmed over the important parts. Truth be told I can totally sympathize with your dilemma yet I feel you are waging an uphill battle with Ting. My ex Mei is in the same perdictament that you are in. She is love with the concept of being in love and that is all that matters. She'de be perfectly content if I didn't love her as long as we were together. A relationship consists of mutual feelings, don't dillude yourself into believing that if you fight hard enough you can overcome impossible odds. Honestly I hope I'm wrong and things change for the better. Been around and active on Chnlove, Facebook and this site for 8 months now. With that being said yes I've become quite cynical yet I'm more prepared to deal with these issues. Obssession can be a really bad thing if the situation become fraught with obstacles. Face it all of us on here have compulsive/obssessive personalities. How else can you explain the time, money and heartache we put into this thing of ours. I realize I'm telling what you don't want to hear yet I think it would be best to maybe stop writing to her for a short period and give yourself time to reflect on what has transpired and make a list of pros and cons to further evaluate if it is pheasible in the not too distant future. Your heart is just like the devil, it will tell you if only I do this or that maybe everything will be alright. Her not telling you about the boyfriend tells me she is hedging her bets. Do you want to pardon the expression be sloppy seconds. Time to meet someone that is willing to meet you halfway and wants to give you a real chances. Too many ifs in your current situation to count on success in the future. Whatever happens the brotherhood and I have your back.
China Shark Mike
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Hey Sylvian,
it seems you are really into this lady, full of hope and anticipation. As i see it from her letter there could be a faint hope that it goes your way. But you got to think one step ahead of the your lady so dont forget the practical side of the whole story. Loving each other isnt living togather. My lady said once to me our feeling for each other are growing day by day but i want to see if we can live togather too. The (chinese) women think more practically. Try to assure her in every correspondence why she can live with you. Explain to her the full details of how your life would seem togather, so often as you can. One more important thing. You must assure her parents they are not losing her daughter. It wont be in your behalf if the parents think they are losing their both daughters. But as Maxx once said Do not start something that you are not willing to finish. Your heart is already broken it couldnt be any worse.
With that at the back of your mind you can lose nothing except some more money and three months of your time but gain everything.
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Sylvain, all I can say to what you are in to is this, think with your head, feel with your heart, then take what both are telling you and then do what you feel is right for you, and as CH mike said, what ever you decide to do the brotherhood is here for you, good luck friend.
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Well.
I still don't know how things gonna turn...
First, I know I'm just tired because whatever I would do, I just can't stop thinking about my trip and about Ting. And it is just enough to full my mind when night is here.
With it, it is quite warm in my studio, about 30° actually... so, not really cool for sleeping. But I do with it.
I have just a very few news from the translator (Sirui), who wrote me that Ting had my mail and replied to it .. But actually, it is night and I still don't have it.. So I wil have to wait for tomorrow to know a bit more what it can deal about and how the situation seems to be...
I don't wanna me any illusion : I did a great trip, I could had stopped just because the language was quite difficult and speaking with Ting too... But I preferred to face it instead than going away. Days went slowly but everytime I saw Ting, I was very happy.
Saying why her and why not anybody else? I don't know. I'm like that, I think. I wanted to speak with her, I just went on talking to her and later, I wished to visit her. Now, I know I would go there again.. even for a week, just to see her, I could do it...
Nobody here can say "tomorrow it will be like that, we'll be always together and so on"... I think it's a part of reality, in fact.
We wish it, we dream it to be like that. No one can say that the other day, for any reason, the situation with the suitable ladies could be very bad... Or not.
However, it is by talking about many things that we can better face any problem, and doing all we can to not have a mountain of it to come later.
I know I want to be with Ting, because she is her... Simply it.
yes, I am exposing myself to many challenges... But in love there are always some challenges to face up. Who could say that love would really be so easy ?
I know I can be silly/crazy/mad sometimes, and other times, I can be anything else, but it's me, I won't change myself :)
My trip is quite different from what I could think about.
Without you, I don't think I could go there and realize one dream. Just to meet Ting in real.
Maybe did I really touch her heart when leaving Chongqin, maybe not. I need some more proofs from her. I sent a message to her, to her sister and to the translator, where I dealt about writting a letter to Ting's father and mother, and asking for their birthdates and so on.
Right now, I have nothing in return for that. But I can wait 24h to see if I would get any reply. But I just doubt a bit.
Whatever happens, I choosed to live that experience and I'm still in the hole...
And whatever happens, on Saturday or Sunday, I'll go to another step. Whatever it has to be good ... or not.
Let's just see what Ting will write.
By the way, Sherru Chu was pleased to help me and she transfered in fact my request to the agency in Chongqin. In fact, I could have done it when evaluating the translated letters on Chnlove.
I thanked her for her help. So, now I don't know how things will turn out... I just ask to see... and then I will act.
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Yes I know of sleepless nights. To many questions without answers. What did I do right? What did I do wrong? Sometimes the answers come quickly others never answered. Get some rest, it will all work out in time.
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Ok, wet blanket here. I have read all of this and enjoyed it. Except for a few posts everyone has been very helpful and full of good advice. Does it not seem odd to you that when you were there, all you got was the basic, nice guy keep on truckin everything will be good, then maybe not, then maybe good, then maybe not. 3 hours in a couple of days is nothing at all. I know you want it to be more. Now that you are home again all of a sudden it is on again? First from the translator? I would really question this. And are they asking for EMF's? I would not write one more EMF. My stipulation for any further contact would be thru regular e mail or QQ with webcam. Do not get stuck again with 100 EMF's then just before you go in October, there is a "problem". Maybe i am reading this wrong. I hope I am. But, just be careful brotha. Like everyone has said, there are a lot more fish in the ocean. I am sorry but if she is not 100% for me then she is not for me.
Jim
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JimB I could not agree with you more.
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Ok, wet blanket here. I have read all of this and enjoyed it. Except for a few posts everyone has been very helpful and full of good advice .Jim
Hey , that felt good on those HOT day's we been having .
Jim , I certainly hope it was not MY few post's , you thought of not being helpful ? Remember ... I have the MAGIC botton and the itchy finger . Haha
You are so right , Sylvain should NOT waste any more Money on EMF's , since Ting's Sister can have E-mail's translated or do it herself . Also , Sylvain should make sure that all this uncertaincy is desolved way before October , his next Trip ( if there will be a next Trip ) ?
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I just don't know what to think.
Sirui told me Ting wrote me yesterday, night is gone and I still haven't her letter this morning...
So, I just don't know what she dealt about, in her letter.
By the way, I used another EMF because I want to spend those 2 last credits before using directly Sirui's services.
So, I sent another EMF to Ting, saying I didn't understand many things about her, and that I'd like anyway to know how things are really are with her boyfriend... asking her to be honest with me, nothing else.
I called her sister this morning, she said me that Ting was going to the agency, and that she "talked" or that she had to? do it... She said too that she will mail me, maybe today, maybe tomorrow.
I would say that, whatever happens, I began something by writting Ting, so, I prefer "stayin'" on my position, even if I would have to end it in a few days...
Just have to wait what Ting will really answer me.
Anyway, in less than 72 hours, another step will be reached.
And it will say if yes or no, I'll move in Chongqing on October.
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Arnold every one of your posts have the wisdom of a Solomon. How could you ever think otherwise. ( kiss kiss kiss)
Sylvain brother, I hope everything works out the way you want. I just do not like to see brothers jerked around and used. None of us do.
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JimB brown noser.
China Mike
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Well..
It's like things are very difficult anyway, as Ting's parents know nothing about France and don't want their daughter to be in a country so far away, just to be "so rich" and anything else like that.
However, I don't give up.
Anyone who could help me to translate in chinese all that, please?
"Please, thanks to read carefuffly.
I would like to write to Ting's parents, so I need their postal adress. I would like to write them to show them (trough the letter) who I am, what is my job, how I met Ting, and what are my feelings for her. I would like to send any pictures, too, and to send any gifts for them. Because I would like them to see that western men are good men, too, and that I don't want to cheat with their daughter.
Many thanks
Sylvain"
Well, I tried with Google Translator and any other translator (electronic) but it is not very good at all.
So, if someone could help?
Many thanks in advance :)
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Slyvain, I have a few friends that are completely bilingual if you wanted to send to my email I could then have them translate and send back to you. Here is my email seal03@gmail.com Anyway I could I'll give it a shot for you.
China Shark Mike
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Slyvain, I have a few friends that are completely bilingual if you wanted to send to my email I could then have them translate and send back to you. Here is my email seal03@gmail.com Anyway I could I'll give it a shot for you.
China Shark Mike
You're God :)
Thanks, i write you quickly :)
So, I got Ting's letter and she said she quarelled with her parents yesterday, referring me to them. They are upset because they don't want their daughter to leave China for another country, because it is an adventure.
She also says that they are upset about our relationship and that they are very traditional parents.
Well, her sister seems to be a little bit "disappointed" because she says that it is quite difficult to gain their agreement, and that she will do her best to help me, but that I would prepare myself that it could not be ok.
Ting asked me to refer about my future with her, I wrote her again my last credit on Chnlove, just with some questions and answers, like "will she feel lost if she leaves china", "what about her parents", "will she be really happy"... and so on.
I also used a nice chinese sentence : ai de li liang wu xian na.
I also (I'm very crazy....) bought flowers to be delivered to her.
And to her mother, too.
But I don't know what her father could like. well.. maybe some wine? maybe anything else?
I also requested China Shark help for translating a few sentences in chinese :)
I requested too that Sirui and Ying (Ting's sister), go and speak to Ting's parents, about me, and what they can say about me, even if they saw me for a few times in Chongqing.
I wrote to my contact in Hilton Hotel (in Chongqing) , to know if she may could help me too, in the following days, if I had to request her a "big help".
Because I want to show to Ting and to her family I'm doing all my best to do something.
Just because I wish to be with her.
And I really wish that their parents would give me their agreement.
If they only could let me ONLY one chance.
I'm maybe dumb...
I'm maybe out of control.
Well... I think that, with all of that, I did all my best to show how motivated I am.
O.M.G
I just realize I bought blue roses for her mother...
And I just see what's its meaning...
Eh ! It seems after all that it's quite right.
I wish it could "touch" her and show her how gentle I am.
Just now, I should cross many fingers and so on, and painting all my studio with some "8" :D
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Sylvain, I think you have done all you can do that I can think of except being there ( yeah I know ), so I send you good luck and best wishes for this to work out for you.
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Sylvain, I'll forward this to my friend Sandy Friday afternoon. Right now it is 3:27 am so you'll have to hang tight for a bit. Sandy owes me big time so it shouldn't be a problem at all.
Shark
Truth be told if I was in your shoes I'de be fighting just as hard. Never say die was always my mantra.
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Michael, Shark', thank you, brothers ;)
I wish I can find something for Ting's father.
I'll mail Ting to know if she could reply to that question in fact.
By the way...
Would I be mad enough just to go there for one week? (knowing that just the flight is more than 15 hours...) :D
(wishing her parents to meet me)
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Sylvain, I have heard of Bengal Tigers, and White Tigers, but dont believe I have ever heard of a French Tiger :icon_biggrin: but I hope you all the best and believe that you are doing more then her parents can see, but anyways best of luck, and GO GET"EM TIGER
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Thanks for compliment, Norb ;)
I have to find any way to show them how us, "foreigners" are good men and that we can have too a simple and happy life, without being rich at all or famous...
I wish to open their eyes...
Shall I even use chopsticks for that :D
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Toothpicks for the eyes
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Sylvain , I love when a Man fight's for the one HE cares for ( maybe even Loves already ) . If that doesn't convince the Parent's , nothing will , but you can alway's look back and say " I did my best " . It does take Two to fall in Love , but it also takes the People around them to be there for you two . Maybe not in other Country's , but in China it will . Being a sooo close nitt Family , has it's good point's but also drawbacks . Thinking ... what doesn't for that matter ?
It has become a Battle for the whole Brotherhood to get you through this and come out all being worth it , with my finger's crossed of course .
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Sylvian, I wish you all the best but have you looked at it from the other side? I have a 25yo daughter and if she told me she had met someone on the internet (remembering older Chinese know very little about these fancy electronic things) I would sure as hell do anything I could to stop her from leaving the country with a virtual stranger too & a letter or a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers would make no difference to me or my ex wife. I think you are wasting your money, I know it wouldn't work on me or anyone that I know & are the Chinese that different?
You couldn't buy my daughter for all the tea in China, obviously I would stand by her no matter what decision she made but I'd fight it all the way at the same time.
I think the only real chance you would have of winning them over would be to take 3-6 months off work & go there, work as a French teacher & show them how dedicated you are to their daughter, but you would have to be pretty certain that this is what Ting would want and think was a good idea before you make any rash decisions
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I quite understand that you are probably right, Tiz'.
For sure, knowing me via Internet is maybe not a real good point to refer me to her parents.
However, by seeing me, she could see a man who was real, with many things. She could then maybe have any other "opinion" about me... or not.
About her parents, for sure, if they are traditional, I'm maybe going to face a big wall and having no way to break it.. or maybe yes, I could.
Like Don Quichotte fighting against mills, like Romeo and Juliette (I think this one is best appropriate), like so many things in fact, I gonna fight for all & nothing.
Maybe will it work good for me, maybe not.
But I won't be able to say "I didn't do all my best".
I don't mean that, when sending flowers and anything else to her parents, I "want" to buy them, but it seemed a bit "normal" to do something.
I just wish they would not be "blind" and listen their daughter with their heart and mind, too.
Even if Ying is her sister and has a boyfriend who is american, they should be ok with Ting, too.
Maybe tonight will it be all done, maybe will I have a bad news, maybe not... I'm approximatively thinking about all the bad side...
Going in China for 3 months is not possible at all... I can't afford it. Once again, I have a daughter, she is also only 2 years old, and in September she goes to school... I can't leave her, I think you'll may understand that position.
That's why I maybe have to admit it is a bad point.
But I will have tried, anyway.
Whatever happens, I'm waiting for some more news.
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Ummmmm ..... Frenchie, I wouldn't use the "Romeo & Juliet" analogy .... didn't they die together in love ................. :huh: ..... hahaha .... But seriously, I also think you have an uphill battle IMHO ... but I have to give you credit for being persistence.
Tiztom ( Tom ) .... NOW, that's the type of posting we love to read ... straight to the point with good advice ... Keep it up my Aussie Brotha. I couldn't have said it better myself.
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Straight to the point BUT there is a couple of things being missed. Ting signed up for this service KNOWING she may have to leave China as well as her sister who has an American bf and will be leaving also. Maybe the parents let one daughter leave but not two?
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I think there's no way else...
Ting wrote me, her parents don't want us to be together.
her boyfriend just broke up with her, too.
I don't know what to think, what to do..
I just reported a complaint on Chnlove...
To : Sherry Chu.
Hello.
I want to write you because I just feel I've been lied on all the way concerning Ting (Kate Zhou, P6282020)
Why???
Because too many things that do that is was quite impossible since the beginning.. or that she (or your services) just lied to me...
And made me spending more than 800 $ in your EMF's...
Maybe for you is it a part of money..
To me, it is some money which is saved for your services, you showed me a "free" woman, available and so on, but you didn't check if she was really free, available and so on, at many times...
Well.
I don't know where to begin...
But I feel like "abused", "cheated", like if we have lied to me, since the beginning...
First, Ting never mentionned clearly that, has she had traditionnal parents, she could never marry any western man... I just would like to know so, why did she write to me and when she spoke about me to her parents..
I had to go in Chongqing to visit her, to see her, to know that :
- She didn't love me at all. She told it via letters here, but in real ,she only said she liked me. For any reasons, she never came to the airport, nor for my coming, nor for when I was leaving Chongqing. I had to help myself, because I knew nobody there who could help me... (very good when you don't know a country... It gives just a bad "quality" at first... )
- She told me she never had any webcam.... I had to be in Chongqing in fact, to know in one night she had one, in fact, and then, we could talk a bit... Why??? What about if I would had bought one for her and send her ??? Did she scare me???
- She NEVER told me that she was introduced to a man before my coming.. Did she never trust me???? Did she think I was not true when I said I would go there???? Why didn't she mention it also to you????
Why did she have to wait for me to go there, just to say me "I have a boyfriend, I am sorry, and now I feel upset"..
Finally, when I left Chongqing, I was deceived. she NEVER sent me any messages, mail or anything else just to wish me any good flight. she also never came, too, just to see me even 5 minutes...
Well...
I don't know not only what to think about her, but I just don't know what really to think about your services....
Because, even if the translator did well his (her) work, the quality of the service is very poor.. or bad.
I thought you checked if the ladies were really free, if they were really available for many things...
It just seems it's false.
I've been discussing with Ting since December, 2008.
Just try to see where I am right now...
No way to be with her, no way to live with her, no way for marriage, because of her parents, traditionnal ones...
But... WHY NOBODY told me here that it was really impossible????? and Why didn't she speak to her parents before about me????? Because I always doubt about it...
Even TING wrote me via letters she would be happy to introduce me to her parents???
I don't know what to do else, except a complaint...
Because I feel like I've been lied on all the way by your services..
Maybe would you feel happy to help me...
Just try the hardest thing you've never done : explaining to Ting's parents that I love her and that she really likes me? that foreigners don't have to have some "bad qualities".
How would you be able to tell me "just look for other ladies, we are really sorry"... I think you just could not, if you would really respect me.
I think you should really contact the agency in Chongqing and make an arrangment with Ting's parenst and convincing them about me...
Just try to understand my position.
If you have helped me before, I just wish you help me, once again, right now, for that.
Because you're my only hope.
I don't know what to do else.
Sorry.
Sylvain.
For sure, they just will do nothing, except some "blablabla"...
But I think that, if they would really tell me some "blabla", I would be happy to know if I can report the REALLY BAD QUALITY about their services...
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Brother I feel for you, I really do. I wish it had turned out different. You did everything you could and you handled it in a gentlemanly manner. You are a credit to the brotherhood.
Personally, I do not see how you can blame Chnlove for the failings of a girl. They have thousands of women on their website, there is no way they can check to see if someone had gotten betrothed after they were registered. Surely it is a failing on the agencies part. The translator did not lie to you that I read. I do not know, if you read what proteus has said, that the girls are the clients of the agencies not us. Their first priority is them. The only one to deceive you was the girl herself. Maybe I misread something or missed something but that is how i see it. Trust me I am not a Chnlove kiss a$$. I have as much against one of the agencies as almost anyone. Good luck brother and the old saying goes. If you get bucked off you have to get right back on the horse even if you dont feel like it.
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I just don't understand clearly this sentence from ting on QQ :
" My parents do not agree with us ,I can not and my boyfriend broke up now, you can understand it? I am grateful that you so love me,You made the photos I have received, very happy!thank you ,I wish you happy every day."
Does it mean her boyfriend break up with her or that in fact she can't break up with him...
Anyway, that just changes nothing at all, concerning me, right now.
End of the trip...
Thanks to all of you to have readed my story in Chongqing, a part of my life.
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I read it as, she and the other guy have parted company...but maybe someone else reads it differently.
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I agree martin sounds the same to me to.
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They parted company? they are together, so?
in fact, I don't know what's the meaning of your sentence, and Ting's english is very so hard to understand easier than your sentence :$
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Sylvain, from the way I read it the same as VH Country Club and the China Dumpling, is that Ting and the guy that her folks introduced her to in the traditional chinese way are no longer seeing each other and she if free from this handicap that was hanging over you and her being a couple.
By the way just kidding you two victor and Martin...:fi_lone_ranger:
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I read it as I broke up with my boyfriend. I am really sorry that you have go through all these. You are such a nice guy and don't deserve it. I just wish I had your patience and faith in women. For me, her failure to come to the airport would have ended it all! I could have never given her the chances you gave her. You gave her the benifit of doubt on every occasion, I take my hat off to you. I just hope that you meet a girl who deserves you soon.
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So, if she broke up with her boyfriend, why don't her parents give her any chance??? are they mad????
I don't really understand...
Not only because if she's really no longer with that man, so the "traditional" cause is broken...
But they break our common feelings, too.?????
And Ting has to do with it????
But it's absoluletly so bad......
I don't really know what to think...
Should I say myself that I broke some part of "traditional" ways in China?? or not at all?
And shall I anyway be glad that she might not be anymore with that guy??
Anyway, or better shall I say "However", I'm not ready yet for another adventure for a long while...
The best thing to do for me is just to face it all.. it was anyway a good experience to go in China for a week. Too short, for sure, but a nice memory...
About the feelings, I prefer make it sinking anywhere I can. That would be better.
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Sylvain i really feel for you mate chin up you give it your best shot.
No probs here norb it was funny ;)
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I should had done a 3 shots in one when I was there if I could have met her parents, in fact...
What makes me very angry, is that, as they are traditional, they may think that every country is born to make people famous, rich and so on...
and that it's impossible to live out of china....
Well...
Just send me some C4, please...
I gonna make a big hole over there...
except for your suitable ladies, ok? :D
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I'm so sorry to read the last day's posts Sylvain. I know how you feel in a way being a divorced man myself. All I can suggest is that you try to redirect your anger in a positive way - exercise, play video games, watch funny movies, get out and be with friends and family.
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Sylvain , Ting not only lost her chinese Boyfriend , but she really lost a chance to be with a great Man that you are . If I was her , I'm sure I would be kicking myself later ... realizing this .
The letter to Chnlove was good , as it released some of your Anger away from People and friends you love .
I know , there is not much at the moment to make you feel much better , but I'm glad to have a Friend like you ... any day . I will alway's remember your Trip , as how to be a Gentleman under not only great circumstances , but especially under the ones you been under . I think , you taught us a valuable lesson . Money comes and goes , all life long , but a good character is something to be proud of . your Parent's must of done a great Job on you .:angel:
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my dear Xixi,
About the letter because the agency told me that you write to me very soon once time so my letter can not be delivered to you because aency said I should read your letter together and write them in one letter together.Can you understand my meaning???
I should tell you that I am very happy to get your letter and also feel a little sad.because now you are so far from me.And I want to tell you that I have told my parents before.But they can not believe in the website very much.SO at that time they just think I can communicate with you.But they do not believe it very much.you know the generation of my parents,they have no computer at their young time.So in fact that generation,they do not believe it very much.But my emotion is ture.I only can say this to you.
Dear I trust you all the time and I think you should do some detailed action and I can show them to my parents.Otherwise I think they will not believe you.I wish I can stay with you forever and if so,of course I will turn back the money to that man.In fact I think he is not my boyfriend.Just because my parents force me to keep touch with him and he give some money to my parents,so they like him. But I like you.
Yes I really meet with many problems about our relationship. And my parents today still insist thatthey are not willing I marry you and live a so far country.Because nowadays Chinese parents onlt have one Child and they do not want their child go to so far country.And another reason is marrying a foreigner has too many unsafe elements.In fact I think we can talk about with these things.But now I think they can not listen to my any words.I have no ideas dear.I do not know what can I do.What's your idea???Maybe just wait some days and when they do nto feel angry again,I refer you to them again???DO you think it is ok???I think nowadays we should discuss it together and try our best to solve it.
Dear you are very very sincere and I believe you really.in fact your letters moved me.I really want to cry.I never meet with a man like you.so sincere.but in fact nowadays I do not what can I do.I made some mistakes on my work.I know just because I will miss the time we together.But I really do not know what can I do.I really wish you are here and solve these problems with me.I know it is impossible.you also needn't work not good because of me.I wish you are very well in France. I wish you have nice day and take care dear.
I am moved by you. Especially after your going, I feel a little sad and miss you a lot. I think it is time for us to fight for our future. Because Chinese children always obey their parents.But I should fight for my future I think.But I have some questions want to ask you.Frist is that I heard of my friend said that if I really can go with you to France,how many years can I become a citizen there???my friend said it needs 10years.Is that right???I am afraid that.because I should wait 10years and can become your really wife.It is too long.But I do not know it is a true or not and wish your reply.And I should work after our marriage or not???because my parents depend on me.Every month I should provide them some money for their life.SO ~~~~
The situation about my sister is different.Because she has married before and this stands for she is really an adult and her parents can not manage her a lot.But I never marru before so my parents always wish I can marry the best man they think.But I know the best man is not made by them.He should live in my heart.I feel very very sad now.But what can I do???dear ???give me some advices.
After all I am my parents' daughter and they wish I can have a happy life with someone and he can treat me very well.In fact if they feel that this man really can treat me very well,they will not stop us.If my parents feel you are really very good,they will not stop us.SO what's your idea about feal this situation???I do know how to deal with it???deal I think we should talk with and discuss much these days.
Wo xiang ni. Too much.
Wish you have a nice day.
Yours
Forever Ting
I just don't know how to react...
because I've just called Ting's sister who confirms everything of Ting's letter, except that , with my bad accent, she can't say about Ting and her boyfriend...
she also said me she will write me tonight and that she will call Ting and speak with her father and mother?
And as you all see, it seems like Ting wants also to be with me.
So, I will wait for any news from her sister.
Sherry Chu also replied to me :
Dear Sylvain,
It's Sherry listening to your concern again. I could fully understand your concern and current feelings. For your sincerity here, I truly hope that we could provide you possible assistance.
Syslvain, as you know, Chnlove has been aiming at building a safe platform for sincere clients' communication. We cooperate with and pay the agency who provides EMF translation and delivery services to the Chinese ladies, thus enable free translation as well as professional consultation service to the ladies, making it easier for communication between people of different languages and cultures. Though Chnlove is not involved in the internal business of each agency, we have strict policies and regulations that each agency should censor the ladies' profiles, deal with EMF service on AS-IS basis and offer quality service to help both male and female members communicate smoothly.
Concerning your communication with Ms Kate Zhou (P6282020), I have forwarded it to our Intendance Dept for immediate attention. As advised, they have contacted the local agency P628 to follow up the matter closely. Once any feedback is available, they will try to inform you directly. Thanks for your patience in advance.
Sylvain, as you know, communication is very important for the development of a relationship. Our site offers a platform for gentlemen to meet real ladies they selected, but it's communication that can help to look into the real heart of a lady. That's why we advise our gentlemen clients to go for a relationship based on mutual trust and understanding. With the joint efforts by the two sides, a promising relationship can possibly bloom and fruit.
While we notice that sometimes there are some unexpected circumstances happened during the course of communication, such as the feelings and personal situation of both the gentlemen and the ladies. Therefore, Chnlove is unremittingly making great efforts in providing more guidelines and useful tips for gentlemen to communicate with Chinese ladies, such as the online safety tips. You are warmly advised to take a look at the information, hopefully it will be helpful for you.
Thanks again for your support to our service. Please feel free to let us know if you have additional question or concern. We'll be glad to help our sincere clients.
Kind regards,
Sherry Chu
Chnlove Customer Care
P.S. It's the weekend now, if any delay in reply is caused, your kind understanding will be appreciated.
I just don't know what to understand clearly...
Shoud I take it like any good news or not at all.
Arnold, if I could know who are my parents, maybe would I thank them... Maybe not... just because they left me when I only was 2 years old...
but don't be sorry, you couldn't know... ;)
In fact, I know that I would see Ting again...
Her sister also says she misses me a lot.
well...
it's like "turning around and around and around.."
Should I give any other information to Ting for her letter?
Should I really give it up?
I just wrote her yesterday that, with her message on QQ, it was like the world was crumbling around me... I could not understand what I had to do.. Or not.
Love is so strange, sometimes...
But I always liked difficulties in my relations...
'seems like that one is the best one.
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Sylvain it really sounds she is asking you to help her to change her mum and dads minds you know to convince them you are the right guy,i know alot of guys say its really hard to change there minds but if you dont try you neaver know i would give it a shot.Think you need to put ting right about thinking its going to take ten years to become a citizen that would be one less thing for her not to worry about.
Best of luck Sylvain i hope it all works out for you.
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I do think so, Victor, but it is strange that man has to wait 10 years before becoming a citizen...
Is there no way,(if that's true) with wedding or anything else, to speed it up?
Well...
I will check anyway for many options and see what I can do... and what I can't.
Thanks anyway for your comment ;)
and about her parents and convincing them, I have (I think) something to do...
Maybe half the wall is broken... so I should look for any way to pass through
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Sylvain read it agen mate she saying that a friend told her it takes 10 years no way it take that long.
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Sylvian, becoming a Citizen & becoming a Resident are totally different things, you have to live in Australia for a certain amount of time and pass a simple test before you become a Citizen but you could live here for 20 years before doing it if that is what you want, it's not a compulsory thing to do here & maybe France has made it more difficult because of all the Africans who are smuggled into your country.
No doubt you are not going to give up on this in a hurry "but" if you are going back to China I suggest you wait till Ting can have at least one week "off" work or better still pay for her passport, visa's & air ticket & fly her out to see you for a week or two, it'll end up much cheaper for you & she will have no excuse not to see you!
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Sylvain, first of all, you have my deepest respect! I think would have thrown the towel in the ring! Your endurance is really impressive!
Well, for speed up of the process! I have met my girl in April, we dropped EMF pretty fast! Has pro and cons, ha ha! I am citizen of the EU like you! I think you should try to dig a little in the EU-laws! Maybe you will a way around the long process! For my part, I am German Citizen with permanent residence permit for Denmark! Therefore I can apply for familyreunification under the EU laws! That means there should be no problem of getting a resident permit for my Vicky! But I want to take home with after my visit in August!
Therefore we are getting married a few days after my arrival! Then we go to Beijing to apply for a Schengen tourist visa! Should be no problem (I hope, I am only 90% sure). As far as I could read in different laws and notes, as citizen of the EU you would get it! If Vicky gets it, I will take her home to Denmark and apply for familyreunification! As soon as the application is delivered to the authorities, Vicky gets automaticly a permition to stay while they process the application. Usually 6 month.
The resident permit will be for 3 or 5 years. But it should not be a problem to get it extended after that time! I hope you will find some more information that suites your case!
For the family! I have the same problem convincing them! We have gotten their blessing, but then I found out that is not enough. Vicky has parents any more, father died 3 years ago! But her older sisters are also afraid of letting Vicky go abroad! They can only be convinced by a meeting where you talk to them in person!
I wish you and Ting all the best! Good luck in the future, my friend!
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I think effectively I need to more see about many information for all that, because I didn't look at it nor thought at it before.
Well, many thanks for the informations, brothers :)
Let's advance a bit ... and see where it will (lead?)
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1. Ting's parents don't have any fate in meeting online. But the fact that you went there should have been proof it is real?
2. Ting said, "my parents today still insist that they are not willing I marry you and live a so far country. Because nowadays Chinese parents only have one Child and they do not want their child go to so far country"
NOW is the chance to say, In France she and you may have more then one (1) child. And travel to China as a family is not forbidden. She may go as often as possible. (I would assume?)
She seems to think she cannot marry until she is a citizen? Make this clear too. I don't know the French law but I do know here in the America there is a short time she cannot travel outside the country. But this is maybe more or less one years time? I would find the answers right away for France.
3. The MONEY thing again. She telling you she will work to support her parents. (because my parents depend on me. Every month I should provide them some money for their life.) She is asking if YOU can send money if she doesn't work. (I should work after our marriage or not???)
ALSO she is saying she will pay the other man back that was given to the parents. (and if so, of course I will turn back the money to that man.) Hint! Hint! she is suggesting you cover this too.
Take this as my opinion I hold a grudge and anger at my Ex-wife who had the word "money" in everything she said. When I put enough in the household just for the bills and no extra and said I had no more. Putting the rest into my business account is when she went to find another. This is the reason I won't marry an western woman. If I have to buy them I use them as such.
I am not saying stop or continue with Ting. That is up to you. But you are far more committed then she is. You need to see if she is willing to equal your feelings.
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From the things I've seen there, Ting never looked at me like a "bank man", because she already know I've just enough to buy myself what I want when I'm alone, and when I'm 2, I can help but anyway, she HAS to work...
or did she think there are still any women who live at Neanderthal's age? :D (joke inside)
So, if she had to give back money to that man, I would wait and see how she would do..
I can't do anything without any clear words from her.
What I see too, is that I requested her sister and Ting, her parent's adress because I wanted to write them, sending any pictures from me, talking about me inside a letter and so on...
But no reply about that... So, I'll try to see how I can do to make this point "clear" and "understandable".
Well, her sister wrote me today, as promised...
No bad news, no good ones, too. In fact, she said that Ting like me but her parents don't, but she says too that she needs to convince them in the following days, and has to speak about the France, a nice country. She says too that Sirui would help on it...
No news from Ting directly on QQ, I don't know really why...
Maybe would her sister tell me why?
News about french nationality and citizen :
* By marriage since the law of 24 July 2006 on immigration and integration, a unit to a foreign spouse french for four years, can apply to acquire French nationality by declaration. The deadline is extended to five years if the applicant does not have resided continuously for at least three years in France after marriage or in the case of residence abroad, when her spouse french was not included in register of French outside France. The applicant must also have a level of proficiency in English sufficient, "according to his condition."
From a legal point of view, nationality is a necessary but not sufficient, to acquire citizenship. It should also enjoy his civil and politiques.Ainsi a child, having obtained French nationality becomes french citizen until 18 years of age, age of the right to vote.
In light of this enumeration, citizenship in France, compared to other countries, appears to be relatively open. Indeed, the French seem relatively easy to obtain, particularly with regard to the German example. For the longest time, only the blood right there, and it is only recently that the law has permitted the acquisition of German nationality through ius soli.
update 24 04 2007
Well, I've got to check again for many things..
and asking to Ting to talk to her via webcam,too.
Any more news later.
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Sylvain I think there is hope yet agree with Vince on her making more of an attempt to meet you halfway. Also, I didn't forget about the letter to be translated, having issues with pc so I will see Sandy in person Monday and have her it emailed that afternoon. Been kind of busy picking extra teaching jobs as of late. After reading the posts I'm starting to believe there is some light at the end of the tunnel. We're all routing for you brother.
China Shark Mike
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Hajo, Vince, Tiztom, many thanks for the advices (especially to Hajo for being EU resident) :)
Thanks too, China Shark, for helping me. I think I could begin to write the letter and then you could translate it in chinese?
Or maybe (because if it has to be handwritten, I'll never learn 100 ideograms to write in a few days...^^ actually, I know some sentences, but I know how to say it, and how to write it in pinyin... I feel a bit stupid because I know just a few ideograms (ren, nian, guo, zhong guo, kou, yi... ) well, you understand it, I need to progress some more), then, maybe should I better see with someone directly in Paris who could help if it really has to be handwritten? Because if it just on a page, written on a computer, I don't know if that would really be "nice" for them to read, later..
??????????????...???????????????????????????????????????
Translation : Ah! Take a look at the man, he dared to write Chinese ... he even think that this is like painting? They just do not write Chinese characters correctly, plus they are just too great, there is no uniform :D
Vince, talking about money, for Ting, I think, she is right when she says that each month, she tries to help them, but with her money, it's quite difficult... I checked for her adress (via chnlove) and got a view via google maps which seem to be like some "old quarters" of Chongqing, or better shall I say, not really in the city, but around and which could be like "poor", too.
Anyway, for sure, she should work when she could be with me, and living in France. because having someone who I have to pay all and nothing, it will be really hard. I have a friend of mine (belgian) who knew his girlfriend (canadian) via Internet. they are together now but he said it was quite difficult to her to come in Belgium and to stay there, because of administrative papers and so on.
So now, he said to me when I was back from China "you have to know, that if I had to do it once again, I would probably say not, just because of the difficulty and so many things else".
I know he might be right.
I know I might exposure myself to real difficulty.
But who never tries, never knows.
I'm not Napoleon,
Nor Caesar,
But I know I just want to conquer Ting's parents and, for sure, her heart, too. (ehhm, someone says to one of my ears that in fact, I've always conquered her... :D)
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Sylvain , I really think that Ting's Parent's will give in soon , if Ting's Love for you is BIG enough to conquer them for you . Thinking as if I was Ting's Dad , It's all about being taken care of in his older age . Since his other Daugther is moving away already , he is trying to hang on to Ting for that security and want's her to stay put in China . This might look selfish on his part , but can you blame him ?
So , it is quite simple , show him you take good care of his Daugther and make him feel HE is taken care of in his old age , which of course include Money being send at some point for their living expense's . I realize that is a lot to chew on for you , with limited income to support not only Ting but her folks as well . It will get easier ones Ting will find work in France , but again .. that will take some time to materialize , due to the Language problem and being in Europe . It is a up hill climb for sure , but the Love you could gain from it will be unmatched as a reward . We all are hanging on ... that thin rope with you ... wishing to be pulled to safety .
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Sylvain, My wife and I send to her fathert every month $100.00 to help him with his coast of living, it doesn't sound like a lot but for him it helps a lot and he knows that I love his daughter very much and would do any and everything for her, when Zhou and I first went to China to see her Mom and Dad he was NOT very happy with me, but we sat and talked for about 2 hours ( had a translator ) he started to warm up to me, I brought along with me a 12 year old bottle of Scotch and he loved it, after that and him watching me like a hawk for two days he said one night that he was happy to have me as a son, the rest is history.
I'd say hang in there, the ship aint sunk yet.
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Arnold, Michael, thanks for your comments, too ;)
For sure, 100 € or 100 $ are quite "nothing" for us... for me, it is approximatively 2 times a full gasoil for my car, that's all.. so, I can permit it without any problem.
Michael, you just have to know that your story makes me smiling, because I'd really like the same story with Ting's father.
I know anyway it can be difficult.
I sent Ting a letter, where I ask her many things, like 1) 2) 3) up to 10), saying all that was important and that I would be very glad if she could asnwer to all of it.
For sure, I asked again her parent's adress and names, birthdates. By the way, her mother should receive any flowers soon, maybe on next week... I wish she could even smile to have some...
I also asked Ting to write me a letter, where she could talk me a bit some more about her, what she did before (as a child, for example), and so many things, so that I can better know about her and maybe her family.
I asked too, about fixing a date for my coming in October. The quickest she can talk to her parents and gain their agreement to meet me, the quickest I can check for good prices to flight again in Chongqing.
I also asked about talking again to her on QQ. I think that, when I left, she "preferred" using the translator to write me, and not to talk to me "directly", because of some misunderstoods.. arf
Well, there are other things, for sure, I have asked her. Let's wait and see :)
The idea to make Ting coming in France for 5 days (off work) is a very good idea. I will work on it with Ting, so she could have a view from my country and see (maybe) how life is everyday.
Maybe some of you will gonna say I'm dumb but...
It just seems like all my "heart/soul/mind" did not come back at 100%. I feel like I've left a part of me over there.
I miss China. I also miss Ting.
I wish having news from her tomorrow,if possible.
Brothers in hood, (and not in wood ^^), many thanks once again for all your support/consideration/motivation and so on :)
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You got my Vote Sylvain : your not Dumb ... far from it ! Love does that to you :icon_cheesygrin:
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The first man that says you are dumb should maybe go look in the mirror, sir, you are anything but dumb, I wish all of us could say we would have acted in the manner you did while in China, Sylvain, don't give up the fight, when times seem the darkest, remember you are fighting for your love, Ting and if you feel she is worth the fight then we, the brotherhood should stand behind you.
Good luck brother, your a good man and its a privilege to call you friend.
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Many Thanks, Michael :)
So, about not giving up the fight, I don't give up about the flight, and HERE IT IS ^^
I could go there from :
19/09/09
up to 26/09/09
Price quite good : 531 € to go and come back, from Brussels, again ^^
About the Hotel, ^^ the french lady wrote me and said me there is an offer for September :
377 Rmb per night + 15% "charges"?
In fact, I am asking myself again if ...
One week shall may too short
maybe 2 would be better, this time..
Well..
I gonna put my holidays for that and see with my boss :)
Well, what do you think about that date? :)
I now have to see with my boss to have those holidays, just because I MUST GO THERE :)
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Sylvain , to me the hotel cost seems quite expensive ,checkout Expedia.com.au , I have a rate for September of approx 320 yuan advance booking all inclusive , so don't get ripped off , and the best of luck , have not posted much , but have been reading a lot , any help you require in ChonQing just call , regards Robert .
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Why do you want me to call? I have a very bad accent, as a spanish cow, in fact :D
But I promise, if I need any help, I will call ;)
About the hotel, well, don't forget it's a 5* where I could go :)
But I can spend some time there and some time in another one, maybe cheaper :)
'Seems like you quite know about Chongqing, why and do you have many tips for me, about there? :)
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Sylvain , I am staying at the Hilton August 13 thru to 24 for my engagement , we have previously been in Changsha , but my Ying has lived most of her life in Chongqing and will help if required , but you have been up and down , but now things seem to be settling down , so I just keep on the sidelines , until the s--t hits then try to help .
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Robert, please, when you will be there, please ask for "laurence" , say she's a french woman working there, she knows me ^^ I'm sure she would be happy if you go and see her (she's a very nice lady ^^)
I know a few "grooms", too, very cool men, and also, some "cookers", too :)
Please keep me some watermelon for next time I'll go there :D
Don't forget to leave me any phone if you want me to call if needed ^^
By the way, I'm thinking about it.. but you'll be in Chongqing for 10 days so? ^^ Eh... will you have any free time there or not at all?
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Yes Sylvain , I will say hello to your French lady , whilst Ying has all the days off while I am there , she will also be jumping back home to check on her son a few times , but as I also have a few things to do in ChongQing we will be out and about a lot , so will attempt to log in at some stage , if I am allowed out of her:angel: arms
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Oh, by the way, do you know "approximatively" where is that Big wheel?
Sorry for the quality, I was in a taxi, photo by night... :$
(http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/337/p1000804722x1280.jpg)
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Sylvain , Ying thinks it is an amusement park in the NaPing district , I asked her should we go there , but she said it was for younger people ? , regards Robert .
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Oh, ok so :)
Well, I'll see on my next trip if I'll go just there to have a look (or not)
Thanks for the info', Robert ;)
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Hi there.
So, a few news since yesterday...
My boss is ok about my next holidays in September, for 2 weeks.
However, I don't have any news from Ting since ... friday. Ok ok, I know she's not Speedy Gonzales... but I would have thought I could had any news a bit "quicklier?"
Well, maybe will I have some tomorrow...
I didn't reserve my flight, 'just waiting that Mrs Ting can tell me "it's ok" and so on...
Sometimes, I have to admit that I feel a bit disapointed because I can't talk to her via QQ since I've left Chongqing (I requested her to do something about that in a previous letter) and any little things else...
Well, 'just feel a bit up & down...
I just wish she could reply quickly...
:angel:
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Any news, not really good ones, but... what else to say...
My dear and lovely Xixi,
Always happy to get your letter.Today the weather here keep cloudy.I think this kind of weather is very nice because if the sun comes out,the weather here will become very very hot and the summer will really come.What's the weather like there???I wish you have nice weather.
Dear I also miss you.I wish you can accompany me here and by my side.^^But I know it is impossible now.I think you are so sincere and really very kind.But I do not know my parents can accept you or not.I can not give up them.Because after all they are my parents and they bring me up.How can I abandon them???these days I live very hard.Because the matter between you and my family I made some mistakes in my work.I think it is too bad to bring my problems to my work.But what can I do???I think of your thigns everyday and really feel very tried.
Dear I think you should consider too much about your second trip to China.Not because I do not wish you to come,just because of my parents' obstinateness.I am afraid that even you come here and they still do not agree us.I think you will feel very very disappointed and will think I cheat you.But who knows I never cheat you.you should consider too much ok???you can not just think you can solve every thing.After all we are not superman we can not control everyone's idea.I am afraid you will meet with many problems with my parents.
Yes I have know about the citizen in France.In fact I wish to go with you to France.I like that country really. I said to you I wish oneday I can go to France to visit Versailles.I also have many wishes before right???But I am afraid that we can not make them come true.I feel really very sorry for that.I just afraid my parents so `~~but I really do not wish give you up.
I know you are very responsible and kind.Now I feel that if I marry you and I really can not worry many things.But I said I have quarreled with my parents.I think they are too persistent.I think if they do not like you they will not like this person's gift.SO the most important we should do is that we should get the accept of my parents.But I think it is very difficult.I wish I can stay with you.But I think it is really need time to communicate with ym parents.Or can you wait me and maybe my parents will not insist like this oneday and at that time it is better for you to come here???
Thank you for comforting me when I'm sad .Picking me up when I'm down. Encouraging me when I need a shove. But most of all thank you for coming here before.you will in my heart.
Yours
Ting
I clearly understand about her parents. But as I replied to her, if she doesn't take time to speak with them clearly about us, talking about her feeling and happyness with me, who will? I requested once again ther sister's help, so did I with the translator.
For sure, Ting seems to be tired about all of it, so am I...
As I say, she won't abandon her parents, and I have to show them that I can have a simple life in France, and making things good, for Ting to have a good life and feel happyness.
I'm "bored" because there are many questions she did not reply...
I will let the "benefit of doubt" because she says she's tired and so on...
Anyway, as I said too, in a few days, she will receive some flowers, so will her mother, too. I don't think she will throw it in a bin. Maybe will she feel happy and let Ting and her father discuss a bit some more about me...
I know I am exposing myself to the biggest difficulty in my relation with Ting.
Sometimes, I think I should give it up...
But my heart and my mind still say me that something that is begun has to go on, even if there's an end... but giving up "so easily", just by saying "it's over" without having tried all I could.. it's not what I'm looking for.
Whatever happens, I said I want to go back again in September.
But...
Will I be able to see Ting more hours than the last time I went there?
Will I be able to go there and saying myself that it will probably be my last flight to see Ting?
Will I be able to understand that I will surely not meet her parents?
There are many questions which are still in my head...
Well...
I give me this week again to let Ting think about all of that.
If I can't even talk with her on QQ for the next 10 days, too, I will surely stop it.
I'm just bored to not be able to chat with her... nor to see her on webcam.
But maybe is it because she does not really have time for it, and when I come back home, it is 11:00 pm for her...
And as I'm tired because of my so shortly nights... it does not really help, too.
Well..
I told her about number of babies we can have in France,I told her about helping her parents and promising them I will really help them and Ting...
I think that, even if I tried all I could, I have no more ammos in my hands, in my mind and in my heart, to show to Ting everything I can do, to be with her.
I'm not Superman, for sure...
I'm just myself.
I hope she'll write asap.
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sounds like you've put forth so much for her. I hope she realizes the man she has welcoming her into her life.
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good job till now Seylvain,
here is my humble advice. As i said before try to assure her parents they are not losing their daughter. So how could you do that is the question, right? First off Dont try to please them. Be yourself. Dont try to do things because they are generally acccepted. I guess it will be very hard to get the permission of her father as long as he doent see you in person. He is the boss of the family. He will lose his face if he makes a wrong decision.
Try to calm down the tense situation. Go get the heart of her mother at first. The women can understand each other and their situation better. She is the key to the whole thing. Tell your lady she should talk to her mother alone. Send your photos and letters to your lady to show her mother. In your letters dont Show yourself as a nice french guy but as a caring human being. Tell about your daughter about your life as a whole. You must appeal to their hearts before they start to accept you and your mind as a french man. Tell her her daughter isnt going to go away for ever that you will come back to visit them on a regular basis or everytime they need her and you. Then try to ask for the permission to meet them. Show them respect. Assure them after that if they still feel you are not the right man for their daughter you would accept their decision. Your Lady knows already her part of the responsibility. she wants to work to support her parents if needed. Aint these women so fascinating! Be patient and dont be angry with your lady, she has though time, as i see she is really a gem, she has done for you more than you can expect.
Please think about the whole thing over and over again. Is it really what you want? Think about it you can do everything and gain nothing, it is up to you. Think about what you can lose. Think about you could be in for a big disappointment. If yes go for it, but dont be just a sentimental fool ( sorry buddy ) again. Have a back up plan when you are there. Good luck.
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I gotta go with Darius on this. My wife said in her admire letter to me that she has a dream to meet mr. wright but does not broach realism.
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Darius, I totally agree with you. that's why I sent her mother some flowers (blue roses...ehmm...)
But.... honestly, with time that is going, slowly, I don't know if she'll get it...
I sent Ting some ones too, so I just ask to see about some pictures from her and her mother with the flowers.
I have no news from the translator, nor from her sister...so, I'm just asking myself if the letters I would write would really arrive to her mother, or if Ting would really show it to her...
With time that is going slowly but surely, I just begin to be bored... Ting didn't reply to many questions that I've asked her...
If most of you that think that I could be 'Mr Patience', be sure that for now, it just makes me becoming a bit angry...
I know I don't have to force Ting and her parents... Maybe is it a bad idea to please Ting to speak to them again about us...
Well...
I'd say that in my case, love is a bit like a war... so easy to start, so difficult to stop... but when I've used all my ammos, I don't know what I could use to go on...
I wrote many letters to Ting recently... just try to guess she replied to a little part of those 3 letters...
She wrote she likes me... wow... when I hear by her sister that the day when I was leaving Chongqing, she was with the chinese man, it just makes me "smiling" (but in a bad way), because I think I don't like someone like her, in that case... (yes, I'm a bit angry right now)
To me, there's still the chinese man who is still in "touch" with her... I couldn't clearly explain why, maybe because she said that her parents forced her to stay in touch with him... that's all.
When I read too that we can have many dreams but we have to see that it can't become true..It's totally wrong... Up to now, I realized most of them, the other ones, I got all my life to do it.
Well, I prefer stopping here now about those news...
Darius, I admit that I will maybe think more about your comment anyway.
Or better shall I let it be.
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i think you need let ting go,i think she is telling you nicely not to go and see her,because she knows your kind and sincere,she does not want to hurt your feelings.but there are defineable messages in her letters telling you that it cannot be,wether its her parents or the chinese guy,if your are going back in september then have a plan b so it wont be a total disaster,start writing to somebody from the same city,
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In fact, that is somewhere what I was thinking about... Because, to me, she might be always with the chinese guy... I just think that her "translator" tool did not spell correctly the sentence she wanted to say.
Maybe will she confirm it, maybe not...
I'm pretty sure in fact that the story is going to the end. Because of so many things, so many questions that she did not answer...
For sure, the culture is really different, and maybe was I "too blind" to believe that I could meet her parents... I better see this letter as a "don't come, please"...
I don't know what to say else... I'm not angry, for sure, sad... but I can not really fight against all that...
I'm pretty sure there are some questions with no answers.... "why did she make me come, why didn't she tell me before for the chinese guy..." and so on..
I think I'm not really false in my feelings right now, about all of that...
Maybe did she try to be "nice" with me but most of the time when we met there...
and maybe does she feel happy to earn money from the agency because she also met me...
well... maybe my feelings are a bit "black" tonight.. but anyway, that seems to be the correct answer to all of my questions.
More news to come soon... and a plan B should anyway be loaded. whatever would happen.
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Sylvain,
I, and my better half have just read virtually the whole of your Thread here, 265 posts to date....
Don't you think that you have done enough now my friend, It's got to be pretty clear to you by now, that it just ain't going to happen. She has you up one minute, and straight back down the next and that is going to continue, on and on until you pull the plug on her.
Her story has so many twists and turns, that I'm as confused as anybody else here, reading your story.
I doubt that anyone here could tell you what game she is playing!! i certainly can't....
Don't you think, that you have now exhausted every avenue that you can, and that enough is enough!! If you keep on going like you are now, one things for sure, the outcome will always be a bad one for you mate!!
If you need anymore convincing, go back to the basics, ....She has Lied to You, She has led you on under false pretences, She has a boyfriend (yes, he's still around), She has let you come to China under a false impression, Showed no real interest to you while you were in China, Cost you dearly in your savings, do i really need to go on??
You have invested far too much time and money on her, what has she done for you?? ......Yes I'm still trying to think too ....hahaha!!, .....All i can think of, is give you timely snippets of false hope!!
You sound like a really decent guy Sylvain, don't let this lady turn you into something else. Cut your loses and go back to China as you planned in September, and stay well clear of her city, maybe somewhere a little easier (and cheaper) to get too, like Southen China There are so many opportunities waiting for you there, i jest you not, Being in the country is a bonus you just can't miss out on, the obvious one is actually meeting ladies face to face.
One last point I'd like to give you Sylvain, is what my better half came out with after reading your thread.
She couldn't understand why your still writing to her, and came out with what i thought was a classic, "No good woman, she a game lady" And i think that, ....is right on the button!!
Whatever you decide to do, i wish you good luck , and all the best, you certainly deserve it!!
David....
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I have to say i think david is right here Sylvain,your a really good guy mate i think if you keep going with this its going to drive you mad Sylvain,think you need to put a end to this mate i can see you really getting hurt Sylvain.
all the best in what you deside to to Sylvain.
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With any "benefits of doubts", maybe didn't she never see any western man before... Maybe didn't she really think I would come to visit her...
but I did it. That may could explain why she felt upset, because of the situation...
Well, what else to say...
I really don't see myself spending 3 hours per day on my daywork, just to see someone, if I really don't want to see him/her... maybe did she lie all the line but that just sounds strange.
I don't know either what to think about her sister... I just notice she helped me sometimes when I was there, and spent some of her time with me... as for Ting, I don't know why she did it, if she didn't really like me.
Anyway, she had to be honest with me, for sure... just about the boyfriend... and her traditionalist parents...
I don't know too, why she asked for so many pictures of me and my daughter... really, I don't see, because if she was playing with me, it's more than abused...
I just wrote her, saying what I thought about all that...
For sure, it's like a "turning around and around"...
Now, I will look at other cities, or maybe the same but different ladies but who can speak in english, because that would really help.
Well, I need sleeping.
See ya all and thanx anyway for your comments:)
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David, good letter. Well written and I happen to agree with it. i think he has High hopes but he is butting his head against the Great Wall not a rubber tree plant. There are over 6000 women here alone, plus there are a number of guys here with women they know are good women and would be proud to introduce him to any one of them. I know I would. I have a 46 your old Dr. a 33 year old accountant, a 34 year old sales consultant and nurses that range from 24 to 50. All wanting to meet western men. All known to be real and good women.
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Yes David , I agree , you have put it as gently and straight forward as one can . I have told him tonight just about the same thing via E-Mail to him ( call him " Sly " by the way ) . Enough is enough my same word's . It will hurt for a while of course , but the next Lady will make it feel better .
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Well, it's always the same about my nights... so short.
First let talk about that Chinese man ok???now I just keep the very normal relationship with him because of the force from my parents.We just have dinners together sometimes.About three or four times once a week.Then after lunch or supper I always countiue my work or go home to look after my parents.It is impossible for me to not see him.the most important reason is from my parents you know. I wish you can forgive me.What I can promise you is that I only have dinner with him.And that's all.I think it is normal.Just like friends.What's your idea about that???
In fact I talk with my parents all the time.But do you think it is very wise to talk with them when they are furious.I just intend to talk with them again when they become much better.Or do you have better ideas???
I agree with your ideas and think it is very nice.You said I can go to France to see whether I can be suitable it or not.you are so careful and kind.I totally agree with your ideas.^^Dear,I make progress all the time.Please do not doubt my progress.My heart is also very unwell and feel sad many times.I do not know I should rupture with my parents or obey them.I just feel no matter which way I choose,I will feel not happy for that.
I miss you really.
I know she is honest. Because of many moments over there... but as I wrote to her, I won't force her parents to meet them and so on...
it's hard to "forget" many things past, it's even hard to think that she just played with me... I don't really think she wanted to play.
but she could had been honest with me, for sure, about the chinese man..
Maybe did I really disturb her feelings...
Well, I will check for many other opportunities to go in China...I'm thinking about Beijing. Most pictures from Arnold and The Great Wall, say I have to go there. How about agencies over there in fact?
By the way, I want to thank you all for your support, comments and so on. Because it is really precious.
Now, I just let that week going, slowly.. I don't hope anything "nice" nor "bad" with Ting... maybe will we stay as "good friends", maybe not, maybe more, maybe less... i don't know and for sure, I have no more place right now in my brain to think about all of it.
See ya :)
Sly' (thx Arnod ;) )
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I don't think she was playing a game. I think she was looking for another way to meet someone. I am not sure if she knew of this other man before she started or it happen during the time she was writing you? Maybe just as you were making plans to go he showed up? I don't know. But it seems she is now caught in the middle of what she has to do and her feelings. In time it will work out but how long this will be no one knows.
I think she did have feelings for you but held back much love and affection knowing she has no choice. I think I would put her on the back burner (an expression, let it cool down) There is a good chance this is as far as it will be.
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From what ever way you look at it, This has been like a rollercoaster game show for Sly. except it hasn't been a funny or happy show for him. time to pull the plug.... and look forward to a better time. At least he's not going to have the wool pulled over his eyes when he goes back to China in September. And if he stays, as far away from his ex-ladies ciy as possible...... What an oportunity for him. If all goes well there , he won't be having any time to write to the forum everyday on his trip..... Go for it Sly , no more sitting down and wallowing in despair. Just look at this as a one of life's lessons, file it in memory, and move on.....
David......
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Well, for sure, she didn't play any game with me. There's anyway some feelings in another letter from her, and something just let me thinking she's honest.
Well.. To be angry for a long time is just bad.. I don't see why I should be angry for many things.. Ting and her sister were quite nice and polite with me when they were with me and we had some fun moments, too, so we did have with the translator, too.
Ting said me she had to spend some times with her boyfriend because she was forced to it, because of her parents... I can't blame her for it.
And, for a "one week's travel", I would admit that I had many moments in emotions. Some good and some "bad" ones...
But...
I think I "lost" a bit myself just because of the difference of the culture...
Here, I often become angry really quickly... I can blame anybody for anything and being really like "bad", anxious and nervous. (stupid country and stupid way to be...^^) but I think it is because we "learnt" to be like that...
For sure, we most can't hide our feelings, but chinese people can, (maybe all, maybe not... well.. ) and sometimes, I admit it's difficult to
know their feelings... I lived it with Ting.. But it was also my first trip and I learned anyway many things from life in China...
Vince, to reply to your question, the chinese man "appeared" about 4 months ago, but he became more "active" in the 2 last months, it seems, by giving money to Ting's parents and to her, too.
Well, like a "feet behind", I would say that I don't have to blame Ting for what she lives, nor for the fact she has a boyfriend (she didn't choose to be with him, for sure), and I don't have to blame her parents because they are traditional.
Maybe should I had been more "careful" before... maybe was she honest since the beginning, thinking (as she said in one letter today) that her parents could be ok with her later..
I don't have to regret anything... Just because it was anyway a good experience to live at many points.
Life goes on, and for sure, I'll move in September over there again.
I didn't choose yet the destination. But I am thinking more and more about Beijing (maybe 3 days would be nice, just to do The Great Wall, and many other places. )
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I would not trust Market Garden Marriage Agency in Beijing if i were just writing to someone. But if you are going there and actually want to meet someone from their agency that is a different story. if you dont have any luck just let me know. I will be there for the month of September also. I can for sure have someone for you to at least have dinner with and show you around. She also is learning French. She is a "sister" of mine. Great girl and pretty. You are a gentleman so i do not mind introducing you.
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Hi JimB ;)
Well, I know my holidays are from 19/09/09 up to 02/10/09 so.. maybe will we be able to see each other? if so, I would enjoy to see you there and I'm thinking about your "suggestion" :)
I have to see where I would go, first. Maybe will I go in another city than Beijing, at first, and then, moving there on the other week.
I have to see "quickly".
And about being introduced to your "sister", for sure, I am quite interested, for sure ;) (I could help her to learn some good french sentences:) )
About the Agency in Beijing, in fact, I don't know if it's that one you mention, I was in fact thinking about one from Chnlove.. but maybe is it that one in fact.. I will look at it ^^
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It is from Chnlove. It is the agency that tried/did cheat me. I guess you dont know my story. The quick of it is. The lady I thought I was writing to for about 5 months had actually only received a very few of my letters. I met her when I went there and even though she did not know me we eventually fell in love and are going to marry in August. That is why I said to stay away if I was just writing. But if you are going to actually go there to meet someone they cannot do that and you will be able to get her e mail address and QQ if she has one. so you can bypass the EMF's if you want.
If you like history Xi'an is the one place to go for it. it was the capitol of the civilized world at one time, home of the Han dynasty. It has museums and temples galore. it is where the Terra Cotta soldiers are. In my opinion well worth going to see. I also have a connection there for a tour guide. She is a very good tour guide. has connections to get the best seats in restaurants, is reasonably priced. I do not know for sure whether she speaks French but something tells me she does as we were discussing her qualifications at one point. we spent 3 days there and did not see everything going from 8 AM to 8 PM each day.
Hi JimB ;)
Well, I know my holidays are from 19/09/09 up to 02/10/09 so.. maybe will we be able to see each other? if so, I would enjoy to see you there and I'm thinking about your "suggestion" :)
I have to see where I would go, first. Maybe will I go in another city than Beijing, at first, and then, moving there on the other week.
I have to see "quickly".
And about being introduced to your "sister", for sure, I am quite interested, for sure ;) (I could help her to learn some good french sentences:) )
About the Agency in Beijing, in fact, I don't know if it's that one you mention, I was in fact thinking about one from Chnlove.. but maybe is it that one in fact.. I will look at it ^^
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Thanks for the infos, and well, your story is always a nice one, except for the letters she did not get from you (for most of them)...
I will check what to do exactly and how long in Beijing, because I must see many things right there :)
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There is a ton of things to see in Beijing. This will be my 3rd trip and I will still see new things.
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I'll have to suscribe, so :D
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JimB, I saw the Terra Cotta Warriors when they were put on display in Glasow, Scotland, man what a sight wow....:icon_biggrin:
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From what ever way you look at it, This has been like a rollercoaster game show for Sly. except it hasn't been a funny or happy show for him. time to pull the plug.... and look forward to a better time. At least he's not going to have the wool pulled over his eyes when he goes back to China in September. And if he stays, as far away from his ex-ladies ciy as possible...... What an oportunity for him. If all goes well there , he won't be having any time to write to the forum everyday on his trip..... Go for it Sly , no more sitting down and wallowing in despair. Just look at this as a one of life's lessons, file it in memory, and move on.....
David......
I agree with David. This has been a strange ride since the day you stepped off the airplane. Everything going on has been playing on your emotions, and that is not right. You are a far more patient person than I am. i would have called this quits long before.
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Well.
As requested, Ting sent me a mail, in chinese, and here it is :
DEAR XIxi?
??? ??????? ?????? ????
????????? ????????? ?????? ????
????? ????????????? ????? ??????????????
?????????????????????
????????????????
????????????
????????????
???????
????????? ????????????? ???????????? ???????
?????? ???? ???????? ??????
???????? ??????????
???? ????
????????
?
Well, I used Google Translator.
I understand a bit that it seems she can't go against her parents and has no choice... I also shall understand she is sad and is sorry about all that.
but I don't know if she has to/must stop clearly to give me any more news from her right now.. or not.
I sent her a mail, no reply, but as it is night over there, maybe will she reply later.. or not.
and my flowers are still "in progress" to be delivered to her .. and to her mother...
That just makes me smile... a bit.
And her sister wrote me to say she was going to talk with Ting's parents. It seems they're undestructible...
Well, what else to say ...
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Sylvain,
I used my translation program and it came up this way. From what I read, it says that the parents minds are made up and they are afraid you will cheat/leave her as the last boyfriend did, that you are not really earnest/true in your love. She knows you are true but her parents don believe it. Foreigners change their minds to much. She cannot go against her parents. She is sad but that is it. And she hopes you lead a good life. I know there is more but that is the basics.
That is my take on it anyway
(Dear XIxi ?
Let did not write a letter for you yesterday down and because I was too busy very sorry
I should write English for you of however I really can't just write Chinese to you me very sorry
Can say as for my parents my they are very traditional really I originally think at the beginning to speak of you to them, they agree
As a result they afterwards just say block the horizontal department is feel you are affirmative not earnest
And a foreigner changes the vegetable really too many
We are really hard really and completely rest assured
Because my boyfriend of the past cheated me
Hope you can comprehend
But afterwards I believed you however who know my parents are to determinedly be opposed to their think if your cheating me to go abroad them more can't
I know you can't you are so good however they not believe I am also can't
My parents if different idea I am true of follow you can't
I am very sad also very sorry
Hope you can lead very good
?)
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It seems anyway they would have a doubt...
because of her ex boyfriend... but... i'd like to know how she met him... maybe did she know him from her parents???
if so, they would had done a first error...
Well...
I don't know what to say else, anyway...
because even that letter seems to let her parents in "trouble" or "asking themselve any questions"...
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Well...
I've just a last ammo on me to use for that story.
But, to use it, I request a BIG HELP from anyone who could help me to translate a letter, to english, to chinese.
Just understand that, with Google translator, babylon and so many other softwares, that letter would never be like I would, to be translated as it should be.
If anyone is ready to help me, just say it, please.
Actually, I'm writting that letter in fact, and for sure, I'd like to give it "by mail" to Ting ASAP.
I've nothing more to loose...
with it, I will end the "turnaround" for the last time. And all will be really done.
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Sylvain, if you want the letter to be in correct chinese, then there is only one posibility. That is a chinese translator. I assume you would find some in France. They should be able to translate from France to Chinese. I know, it is going to cost some money. But on the other hand you should get a translation which tells want you want to say. That is what I would do.
Because as you say yourself, translation programs make errors or twist the meaning of what you want to say.
Here is what the tanslation program I use did to Ting's text:
I am sorry not to write to you yesterday because I am very sorry too busy
I should write to you in English, but I really can not write Chinese and we have to give you I am sorry
About my parents I can only say that they really are very traditional, I used to think that was mentioned to them they will agree with you
They later said the block is that you cross the Secretary will not seriously
And a foreigner is of far too many variables
We really feel that is really difficult to be assured
Because I used to deceive my boyfriend
I hope you can understand
However, I believe that you know but who is strongly opposed to my parents that if you cheat me they can not leave the
I know you will not so well but you do not believe that ah I do to remedy the
If my parents do not agree with you I really do to remedy the
I am also sad I am sorry
I hope you can live well
Ting
Good luck!
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yeah Hajo, I did have the same translation as you in fact.
So...
As most of you are with their women / ladies.
My first idea is to write in english.
In fact, I think I can better exprim myself in english when I write, instead than speaking...
So, I'm just finishing my letter in a few minutes.
If someone would help me, that would be really helpful for me.
I would then have no regret to not have tried anything to convince her parents.. and to show them what I feel for their daughters.
So, here is my letter.
No matter it would take 1 or 2 days to tranlate.
Now, I think I can sleep in "better" mood, because I have done all I could to show Ting how much I believed in us through that letter.
Maybe will it "affect" her mother if she can read it.. maybe will they directly throw it away...
Well..
I'll see if they would give any reply to it... or not.
??????
???????????????????
?????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????
?????????
???????????????????????
?????????????????????????????
????????
?????
???
Dear Mrs ZHOU,
I would like to apologize, first, because you don't really know me, and I don't really know you, nor your husband.
However, Ting talked to me about you, and about Ying, too.
I would like to talk to you a bit about me, and my story, how I knew Ting, when I met her, and my feelings for her.
So, I am Sylvain, a french man, 34 years old, working in a big international company (ATOSORIGIN), through the world. I work in informatic, in fact, I help people who have some problems with their computers. I really like that job and helping people in fact.
I have to admit that, this technology (with Internet) helped me to meet your daughter on a website, for datings. At first, I thought she was like some "dream", because her pictures were really so nice to be true.
I wanted to know some more about her, and, since December, 2008, I talk with her via the agency based in Chongqing.
I always liked to write to your daughter, and she liked reading my letters, too. I would say I saw that my feelings were emerging, slowly, but surely.
For her birthday, I wanted to send her a gift, so I did it, with some flowers. To me, it is a gift from the heart, just to see that your daughter would be very happy.
It seems she was very happy, in fact. And so were I.
I talked to her that, for sure, I would come from France, to visit China, and to see her, because as I said before, my feelings for here began to emerge. And to be more and more inside my heart.
Maybe did your daughter talk to you about me, maybe did she say you, too, that I would come to see her. And, maybe did no one of you really thought I would come to see Ting.
But I did it. Because my feelings for her told me to do it.
So, recently, I came to Chongqing and I wished to see Ting.
At the first time, we met "any difficulties" to understand each other correctly (I'm also learning chinese, in fact, because I love your daughter and because I really like many things in China). But, a few days later, we were very happy to spend a few moments together.
Your daughter took some pictures about her with me, so did Ying, too. I sent those pictures to your daughter, and, if you may want to look at it, maybe will you see that your daughter is really beautiful on it, and that she is really happy.
She told me about her boyfriend who was introduced to her.
I was sad because I didn't know about him before.
Now, I just don't know what to do correctly.
Because when I met Ting in Chongqing, I felt in love for her. She knows it. And Ying does know it, too.
I coud not explain why, or maybe yes, in fact. Just because she is your daughter, just because she is really beautiful, just because... she is her.
I was very happy, as I said before in my letter, that I could spend some nice moments with her, talking about many things, about her, about me, about life in France, about my comments related to life in China. I really liked to share it with your daughter.
My story is a bit "different" from many other persons.
My parents left me when I was 2 years old. Actually, I still don't know who they are, and why they left me. I still don't know too, if I may have any sister(s) and brother(s) (because in France and in many other countries, we can have more than only one baby per family).
A nurse helped me and did my education up to my 5 years old. And she did it very well. I really liked her and admire ladies who are like her.
I then was adopted by some persons (my actual parents, so) who showed me that love was really a beautiful thing to live. They had to pass many exams and tests, to see if they really liked babies, how they could be with them and so on. Well. They were very ready to do all those tests and there were no problem to adopt a baby.
So, since my 5 years old, I live with them as my real parents. I love them.
I got a daughter, too. She will be 3 years old. But I'm separated from her mother, who is with another man (and that man has a son, who is 5 years old). They live in happyness.
With my ex girlfriend, we talked several times about our daughter. How to educate her, how to be with her and so on... Well, it is not really easy to imagine that, most of the times, man has to go and see a lawyer, then going to the hall of justice, to know who will carry about the baby, who will pay and so many administrative things.
We did not met that problem. Because we are mature. We solved it by being ok.
So, I can see my daughter whenever I want and take her with me, too. My parents really love her.
Your daughter has some pictures about her, if you want, she may can show it to you.
What I want to say in this letter, is that I know why I love your daughter and why I wish so many things with her.
First, I am not her exboyfriend. I am different. Because everyone is different, and we all have a way to live, to be. I would say, that, as I said to your daughter, I just can not lie to anybody, nor cheating. Because man can see it into my eyes. My feelings can't be hidden. And I am really honest.
About my daughter, I want her happyness. And I wish to find someone who would really love her and be able to be as a "second mother" for her.
I talked many times with your daughter about all that. She really likes my daughter in fact. She wished to see her one day, and being able to play with her.
I would like to please you, so, to see that yes, I really love Ting.
I talked to her about life in France, I talked to her about weddings and many other things.
She told me she cared leaving you. I just said that she didn't have to care, because if she would live with me, at first, for sure, she would stay in China for 1, maybe 2 years. But never she would abandon you. Because she loves you.
I told her that I was ready to help her, the best way I can. I have my own studio, I have my own car. I live in a country where "rich" and "famous" are some words that don't affect me. Because I am not a rich person, buying me many things that I won't use later, and I'm not famous, too, because I don't need to be famous.
I am just me, like so many other people, living each day with an objective, which is the same since December, 2008 : loving Ting and wishing to be with her.
I know that, to come in China and to see you daughter, it was like a dream for me. As for Ting.
I realized that dream. Because I believed in it. I believed in Ting.
I know that you are traditional parents, and that you wish happyness for your daughter.
I know too, that you willy to marry her with the other man who was introduced to her.
I would say I am a bit "sad" because of it. But I am also sad to see that Ting showed me she really liked me and showed me happyness when we met.
I am sad in fact because I would tell you how much I love your daughter, and that I know I want her happyness. Just like you want it, too.
Ting is a very beautiful woman. She is the perfect woman. And I would really like to live with her.
I would say, that yes, I know what all of this means, and about my country which is far away from yours.
As I promised to Ting, I am ready to help her, as I am ready to help you, too.
Ting told me she worked and saved some money for you, each month. I would help her about that.
In France, I got about 15 000 RMB's / month. Maybe is it lot for you, maybe not. But as I said, I have my own studio, I have my own car, so I can save some money easily to come in China again in a few months.
If Ting could live with me, I also can promise I would do all I coud to help her to go and visit you the best way I can. Because I know I want her happyness. Maybe could you come in France, too, to visit her, or to live there, later... If so, I would do all my best for it, too. To realize it. Because you also could see your daughter often and could see how happy she is. Anyway, buying her a flying ticket to go in China doesn't bother me. Because I want you and Ting to see that I would do all I could to make everything possible for you to see you often. And that I am ready to help Ting if she would come in France. I promise it. Even if it would be one week (for a first visit for example), even for two monthrs, and more. And for sure, i would never leave her alone. I promise that.
Just try to understand that I did not come in Chongqing, just to see your daughter and play with her feelings.
I came because I believed in her, I believed in me, I believed in us.
I know that you quarelled about me, and I would apologize for that.
I wish you may forgive me for that.
Ting really loves you.
She tried to show you she really liked me and that I gave her happyness.
I would say that, whatever you choose for your daughter, I wish that you would accept to have readed that letter with any consideration for a foreigner, who is honest with you and who has never cheated your daughter.
I promise anyway to never cheat her. Because I love her. Because I know many difficulties of life but that I am ready to face it.
Because I gave your daughter some happyness. And because I believe in her and in me, I believe in the two of us.
I wish too, that my letter would not offend you. If you would think that yes in fact, it offends you, so, I just am sorry, it wasn't meant to be that way.
In a few days, Ting will get many flowers from me. Because, as I said to her before leaving Chongqing, I felt in love with her, and that I miss her. So, I just wanted to offer her some flowers, to show her that my love for her is still alive, like a candle which never dies. And that I miss her.
I know that I am exposing you to "some" difficulties because of my acts about your daughter.
As me, you are looking for her, to have a simple life, happyness everytime and to not leave you. And not to be with someone who wouldn't make her happyness and many other things.
I think that here, anyway, the fact to "bring" or to "give" some money to you and to Ting don't show that man can love and wants to marry someone else. It is just nothing, because happyness can't be related to money, nor love. Maybe money can make happyness. But love without feelings can't be related to money.
However, if the 2 persons really like each other, for sure, money can really help to make wonderful things, like for weddings and many other things.
I wish that question won't offend you, but... did you try to see if Ting was happy to marry the other man? Did she tell you she was very happy to be with him, and that she loved him?
I just would say that, if you just would give me "any chance" to meet you, even 5 minutes, even less if you wish, I would always be happy for you to have afforded it to me. And I would also come from France to Chonging, just to meet you. Because I love Ting.
Because to me, it would be really important that you give me any chances to meet you. Because you are Ting's parents and that I wish you could better understand my request.
Even if you would not Ting to not be with me, later, I then would agree with your opinion, and I would accept it, anyway.
And I also would give you all my apologies, to have "brought" some troubles into Ting's life.
I just forgot about it :
Ting will have flowers, but you will also have some ones.
Because you are very important for Ting, and because you are her mother. I have many respect for you and for Ting's father, but I did not know what to offer him. Please forgive me for that.
I wish anyway you would like those flowers.
it is just a gift from me : A foreigner, whom Ting brought sunshine and happyness since she talks with him.
I wish you all a nice afternoon and apologize if that letter would have "perturbed" you.
Thanks anyway for having listened to my request about loving Ting and to be with her.
Sincerely yours,
Sylvain
I tried to speak with all my feelings.
In french, I would also have said it may be more difficult... but in english, I'm sure everyone can understand it clearly;
Thanks to all those who could help.
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Sly,
I'm probably going to get my arse reamed here again but .......
Sly, you have NO ammo left, None whatsoever.... So Stop fighting, ...the battle and the war is over.
You have just a few short weeks till you go back to China. If you carry on as you are now, you'll be allowing her to ruin yet another trip. Lay down your pen, close the computer and give yourself at least a 2 week break from this forum and CL.
Then when you come back, start planning for your trip to China. You have already been offered help from a member, in meeting a KNOWN lady (that's Not going to lead you a merry dance) on your trip, if your interested. You are in an enviable position Sly... Use it, too it's full potential!! There are plenty on here I'm sure, where things went bad on there first trip to China. Most have turned that bad experience, into a potential success story by meeting another lady. Not so much by luck this time, but by using there past experiences, to make better dicissions/judgements than they had made before. So go out there and have a Ball this time!!
Your presnt situation can be described as ....A Dead Duck, don't waste another minute thinking about it.
It's time to think about yourself, and your future. Don't allow your experience with this lady, change you into something your not!! You have more patience than i Sly, but it ain't going to do you any good this time!!
One last piece of good advise, whatever you do, ...''Don't you Dare Go Back To Chongqing'' on your next trip....... Best of luck to you Sly
David.......
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Have to admit, I'm with David on this , Sly, you need to let go, she is telling you in as nice a way as possible her parents wont accept you, for her sake and yours you need to move on. Chinese girls don't go against their parents wishes, this is a battle you cannot win.
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Sly have to agree with David on this and look at the past posts of Irish again, and his trip and how he met his Ling, his start on his trip was a disaster, if you remember and we were all behind him to hope he still could enjoy his trip and he met the lady of his dreams, so like David said shut down for a little bit get yourself back together, get ahold of Jim who will introduce you to some other ladies in a different location and enjoy yourself, and stay the h--- out of your hotel room, and see the sites, Now you got my nickels worth and I hope you dont send me any change............lol......:fi_lone_ranger:
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Sly...this is a losing battle, and personally, I blame her. She was not upfront about her entire situation. She goes out to dinner with this guy up to 4 times a week...because they are friends? She knows that he wants to marry her...money has changed hands...and she is telling you that the meals are "just friends"?
It's time to move on. She is telling you to move on in her letter. Let go, and take a break. Like David said, don't let her ruin another trip over to China. You have new opportunitues awaiting you...maybe even better ones. But you will never know, if you don't move on from this one.
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I think I got a personality which is like it is... Man could introduce me to the most beautiful woman on Earth, I wouldn't change my mind.. Well, I know, I guess that I can be boring.. For sure.
I am what I am.
The thing I don't really "like", it to be "compared" to any other person.. from what I see on Ting's letter, her parents scare she would leave them and/or that I would cheat her.. that's why they protect her... there's nothing related to traditional, as I can see..
They just act like we would act for our daughters... because they care about her.
Ting is sad, surely, as she says.. ok she can't go against her parents... because she doesn't know how to convince them that maybe they are doing any error...
How many times traditional parents will "inflige" their children to act as they want... Is it really meant to be "we marry you because we know you will love him"??? just let me laugh...
Ok we are western men.. Ok our mentality, our way to be is too much different...
And so, WT....?
Did anyone here just never wanted to go till the end of any "battle", tryin' all he could to win, even a bit of something he was fighting for?
I'm not sure we have any member who would have already left anything so "quickly and easily", too.
Ok I did so many things that Ting really liked and liked me for all that...
Ok I'm still alive after having living many stories in Chongqing.
Ok David is may be right, so you are, Irish, and you too, Norb.
But...
When I posted here a message from Ting which sayed "my parents don't agree with us, I can not and my boyfriend broke up", I was always sure she was still with him... How to explain it, because I'm french and most of you are american or irish or aussies or anything else.. and most of you seemed to have understood her message like "she is no longer more with that man".
So.. what I mean in fact, is that ... i don't know how to really explain it but...
It's like a "feeling", that I think that posting that letter would/could touch them anyway..
And as I said... I've got nothing more to lose... so.. why not trying that' ultim shot....
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Why givin' it a break...
Da ya think I need holidays too? Do you wish to send me any money to go and enjoy life to Bahamas??? :D
(kidding)
I think it's ok...
For sure, i'm sad too...
Well, I will see how to proceed.
I've looked at the scanner on Chnlove..
A few ladies still attractive in Chongqing, as in Shangaï, Beijing, Hunan...
Fore sure, if I hear once again the word "traditional", I gonna use a uzi "made in china", so I will have no probs because it is made there... :D
(any kind of dark humor?) well..
I wrote to another lady today, from Shangai. She is nice, but she is more than 30.
I don't decline any introducing to any ladies, for sure...
I can meet anyone with no any idea of what could happen (or not) and so... I don't know what else to say.
For sure, I'd like to go in Chongqing once again... (at the hotel anyway to see any contacts of me over there) and maybe tryin' to see any other ladies... suitable ones...
Now, I can't blame anyone of you because you have always good advices and comments.
So, don't matter for me.
All's fine anyway...
NB / Did Ting really mean that she would not write to me anymore in fact? (stupid question but whay not asking)...
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Sly,
You are your own worst enemy, and rapidly becoming a lost cause!!
No-body in there right mind is going to answer your question, because it's only going to feed your obsession of a totally lost cause.
David.....
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If anyone don't reply...
I crush him :@
(Did I really say that?
OMG)
:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
(kidding)
No...
I can understand...:fi_lone_ranger:
But I still agree that Chongqing ladies are very beautiful....
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Sly with all honesty, your are banging your head against the Great Wall, and the headache is contining to worsen for you you have to quit banging your hread and this terrible headache will go away. As David mentioned, we have no more answers that we can give you that wont feed you to hear, you are not listening to what has been suggested, and what you are listeming to only that which is what you want to hear not what you should be listening to...... Sorry Bud but I had to learn one or two times the hard way also. Like we have all agreed take some time off even from here, and then get your head screwed on straight and come back if thats what you need, we will all be here waiting for you and be glad to have you back in the fold, I know I would have to take a break if this happens to me, and I am sure everyone would still be here to welcome me back when my fog had cleared and I could see things as they are
Boy, your getting a whole quarters worth this time........lol........
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Sylvain I edited this book you wrote to Tings mother. I will email it to you
By the Way An Uzi is an Israeli gun Made in Israel.
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Thank you for all your effort and patience, Vince ;)
As I said, even if it is a lost cause... I have nothing more to lose there.
May it touch her parents...
Even if they would burn the letter.. it does not matter.
I have nothing more to regret by now about all of this.
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Sly boy i know how your feeling m8 been there done it ok she was a english lady but it same sort of thing she hade me jumping though the hoops i was neaver sure were i stood with her i did eavery thing for her she played me well it got to a stage were i just could not think right,and like you i would not let it go but in the end i hade to becase it was driveing me mad it got to a stage it made me ill so for my self being i let her go. I know its not the same but its the same obsession sly just take some time of from this sly eaven if it only a week no more writeing just leave as is then see how it go,trust me i know it aint easy m8.
take care bud.
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In my note I put.... Make this the last Missile.
You did all you can.
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'dont have to care, as I say, all is ok
I'm not a man who gonna takes his car and goes for a big ride into Paris and driving as a crazy mad man... :D
(or yes but I can drive well, so it's ok :D)
(kidding)
and for sure, I have no way to feel so bad..
just guess that what hurts me the most is from my birthdate, not all my relations ;)
So... I'm still ok for any joy ride, whatever would happen, whenever it would be, and wherever too ;)
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my dear xixi,
I read your three letters very carefully and you also read my CHinese letters and can understand most of them.I feel very happy for that.
I should tell you the newest progress of our things.Yesterday I mentioned you again and wish my parents can become cool-headed to consider our things carefully.Who knows my mother suddenly become very irascible and angry and order me to marry that man.And until that time I know that man is very cunning.Because he always visit my parents when I work out and help my parents with their housework and give money to my parents.And today my mother forced me to marry that man.We go to government office to transact it.I want to rush to you and cry loudly.What can I do???
Then I ask my sisiter.You know her.I ask her to discuss with my mother.Because you know she will marry an American.And in fact she is really very kind and say much to my mother.Now i feel that my mother just do not understand much.I said she can not accept high education and many things she doesn't know.After my sister's words I find she becomes better.At last my sister told me that my mother told her if this French man is really very good and he can show his sincere heart.She can consider about them(you and me).And now she feel very regretted to force me marry that man.It is just impulsion.
About my address,I think I will not blame you.It is ok.Nowadays we have no time to blame each other.We should discuss how can we stay together.I think it is a good idea for you to write letters to my mother.I think my sister can translate for us.It is really a very good idea to show your sincere heart dear.please do it ok???
Look forward your reply and take care ok???
yours
Ting
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No offense mate but you are starting to sound like an obsessed stalker, time to get some help I think, go see a therapist & get some help to get over her.
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Geez tom your so blunt he only posted what she sead to him,and if he feels he must go on with this up to him but if it ends in tears it be down to sly.
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31 pages, same shit different day, she's got him up & down like a yoyo, he needs time out........this should bring my warning level up to 80%, what happens when you hit 100%:icon_cheesygrin:
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Want to find out?
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God no, what would I do for entertainment?
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Sly, I think you need to let her go.
I should tell you the newest progress of our things.Yesterday I mentioned you again and wish my parents can become cool-headed to consider our things carefully.Who knows my mother suddenly become very irascible and angry and order me to marry that man.And until that time I know that man is very cunning.Because he always visit my parents when I work out and help my parents with their housework and give money to my parents.And today my mother forced me to marry that man.We go to government office to transact it.I want to rush to you and cry loudly.What can I do???
You need to let her go, she is never going to be your Lao Po and you are making it harder for you and her too.
She already married the guy it seems - today my mother forced me to marry that man.We go to government office to transact it.
She is already married, its done, its over, move on.
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Sylvain, I know what it is like to love someone obsessively, unhappily, and without regard to the possibilities of it working out.
Can I presume to offer some advice?
The situation you have described is entirely without hope. You continue to love her, but she is a married woman now.
Over time the feelings you have will gradually loosen their grip on your heart and mind.
I would just allow time to heal the pain you have. There is no easy or quick way of recovering from this.
I don't think it hurts to continue to entertain the possibility of it working out, by writing to her, and by talking about it in the way you are at the moment. There's no need to take a break. Do as you please. If you enjoy talking about it, do that. It's only been days and weeks since this all happened. It's fair enough to want to talk about it. If you're still talking about this, in exactly the same way in a year's time, now that would be strange. But I think, at the moment, do exactly as you please.
But at the same time, do other things you enjoy. See friends and family you care about. Do the kind of things you enjoy, maybe if it is reading, or cinema, or going for a drive, do these things. Go to the gym and work out.
I would also start to write to other women. Just for fun, without any regard for them working out. Maybe nothing will come of any of these conversations. But it doesn't matter. Doing these other things helps you to start to get over this romance.
That's what worked for me.
I am sorry I missed your request for help with translations. I have a very good friend who would help me in such a situation if the need arises in the future. No offence, but it is easier to ask for help with translations if the letter isn't so long.
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Sylvain, I know what it is like to love someone obsessively, unhappily, and without regard to the possibilities of it working out.
Can I presume to offer some advice?
The situation you have described is entirely without hope. You continue to love her, but she is a married woman now.
Over time the feelings you have will gradually loosen their grip on your heart and mind.
I would just allow time to heal the pain you have. There is no easy or quick way of recovering from this.
I don't think it hurts to continue to entertain the possibility of it working out, by writing to her, and by talking about it in the way you are at the moment. There's no need to take a break. Do as you please. If you enjoy talking about it, do that. It's only been days and weeks since this all happened. It's fair enough to want to talk about it. If you're still talking about this, in exactly the same way in a year's time, now that would be strange. But I think, at the moment, do exactly as you please.
But at the same time, do other things you enjoy. See friends and family you care about. Do the kind of things you enjoy, maybe if it is reading, or cinema, or going for a drive, do these things. Go to the gym and work out.
I would also start to write to other women. Just for fun, without any regard for them working out. Maybe nothing will come of any of these conversations. But it doesn't matter. Doing these other things helps you to start to get over this romance.
That's what worked for me.
I am sorry I missed your request for help with translations. I have a very good friend who would help me in such a situation if the need arises in the future. No offence, but it is easier to ask for help with translations if the letter isn't so long.
It is so hard to learn how to push a rope uphill. If only I had one more chance, I know I could figure it out............ad nauseum.
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Sly, I have intentionally not mentioned here because i thought the elder Statesmen were giving you some sound advice...........
However, one thing I have noticed about your letter to her parents, that not one person has said anything about it, how it will probably tug at her Mothers heartstrings, that IS quite a POWERFUL letter mate, in my humble opinion, but it may have arrived too them too late...unfortunetly.
You have every right to keep writing to Ting, that is totally up to you, but as a Frenchman you will know that there comes a time 'as in a war' it must end!!
As Irish, Danny and others have said also my friend, she IS NOW MARRIED.....Please for your own sanity (and said to you with the best intentions) give it up, you will in the long run SEE that to carry on for so long DID HURT YOU....and we as a brotherhood DO NOT want to see that happen
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Well.
how to say?
I didn't see it like that, in fact...
Because of her english so bad...
Just remember that sentence "my parents don't agree with us, I can not and my boyfriend broke up".. ==> she was saying in fact she couldn't break up with her boyfriend, not that her boyfriend had already broken up with her...
So, maybe would she had said in that sentence : "today my mother forced me to marry that man.We go to government office to transact it", maybe would she have said "today my mother will force me?"
I say that but I'm probably wrong...
because as she wrote me, I got a message on my phone from her sister who said me that Ting's mother listened to her and so on, and that she had to go back on Monday to speak to her...
I think I'm not here to be blamed, nor to blame anyone...
because if Ting is already married, why does she want me to send her the letter, to give it to her mother, next??? I just don't understand that.. And as her sister already talks with Ting, why didn't she say it to me ?
That are 2 questions I am asking you, because in my personal case, I don't know the answers if Ting is already married...
And now she feel very regretted to force me marry that man.It is just impulsion
I really don't understand anything.. why doesn't she say "I'm sorry, I have to leave you... " :huh:
Well..
I'll see, because the letter has already been posted back.
To reply to any other questions, comments and so on, in fact, I'm moving to anything else, I'm just checking, taking some time to know where I will go for sure in September. I have established a contact with 2 ladies from Shangaï, and one from Beijing. So, it's always good. but, for sure, actually, I'm not looking for the Big "L"...
I've already been outside, tonight, changing any ideas and so on...
I got another question, by the way...
Supposing Ting is married now to the other man... how long does she have to wait to "divorce" if she really wants to do it?
I apologize anyway if I'm boring most of you through my topic..
I just would like to add any other personal comment over here.
Most of you (or all of U?) already know that I'm french, so english is not my birth language (it could be in fact but it isn't)
What I am trying to say, is that, everytime, I have to translate french to english, french to chinese, chinese to english then english to french.
I can understand most of your sentences, for sure, not all of them.
The same about Ting...
So, if you already know that she's married in her last letter, I'm sorry but I didn't understand it in fact like that...
So, excuse me if sometimes I can not "understand" clearly something...
I think that however, I'm good enough to understand many things.
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For what it is worth this is my opinion. When I came back from my first trip to China in 11/08 I came back broken hearted and asked for advice from the guys here. Of course I did not really like what they had to say but I listened anyway and eventually broke it off with the girl I went to see. We had a great time together but she lied to me and could not make a commitment to me that she would keep. So as hard as it was I let go. And guess what I survived to meet another girl. That is indeed another story. The main thing that I am trying to say is that truth and communication is all we have. We (I) sometimes think that she is the only one for us (me). Well that is not true. You are the only one that can make up your mind. It just seems to me that this is going to put you in the nut house as much as it is haunting you.
But you asked a question on how long does it take to get divorced. As much as I hate to say it I may be the only guy here that can actually answer that question. The second time I went to China in May I actaully got married and believe it or not I got divorced as well. The marriage took about 20 minutes and then four days later the divorce took only ten minutes. There is no waiting time for either one.
As hard as that expierance was I am finally able to talk about it. And I have started writing to another woman or maybe two. Life does go on. It is just very hard to make the very first step to walk away and to do what you know deep in your heart is right. As in my case sometimes life just makes those crazy twists and turns and all you can do is to hang on and survive the ride.
No matter what you do just follow your heart.
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For what it is worth this is my opinion. When I came back from my first trip to China in 11/08 I came back broken hearted and asked for advice from the guys here. Of course I did not really like what they had to say but I listened anyway and eventually broke it off with the girl I went to see.
Chad, I really value the advice I've received here.
When I had a really difficult time with my woman, most of the advice I received was "break it off". I think the main reason is they're soft hearted people here and they don't want brothers to continue to bang their heads against a brick wall.
I think Maxx was the only dissenting opinion and as an aside, if it doesn't work out, Maxx, I am going to have some harsh words for you *laughs*
You never know for sure what's going to happen, so sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and to live the dream.
There comes a time for just making a compromise with reality, and the way things are in actuality. But sometimes, you just hope for something impossible and it works out. You never know.
You never know how Sylvain's relationship is going to end up. Maybe if he persists with it, she will just divorce the Chinese man, and run away with him to Paris.
As a friend I would advise him to just forget about it. But who can blame him if he just lets his madness take over him for a time, and see how it ends up.
This is the glorious life!
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Sylvain I am as confused as you. It read like she got married but the rest of the letter ? She was asking you to continue? (send the letter?). BUT through it all if this was me I would say goodbye just for the roller coaster ride given. To much drama and to much confusion. Move on.
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ok. I'd like to contribute to this but I'm thuroughly confused. None of Sylvains posts make any sense. Who's writing who? Mother said what? Sister told who..what?
anyone who can follow this one, more power to ya but I'm unable to follow it.
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You guys have got to stop giving this guy....and others false hope, it's what he's looking for, any minute bit of positive reaction & he's off in dream land again, it's nice to be all cuddly and warm to everyone but I think a lot of you with your nice positive words are doing more harm than good, I tried to tell it how it was about a week ago & got shot down, now some of you have woken up to the fact it's not going to happen you're starting to give a bit of advise to let her go, but sometimes you have to be harsh to get the message through & if some of you had had the sense to say what you really thought when it was happening instead trying to be Mr Nice Guy all the time you may have actually saved this man a bit of heartache or at least made him realize IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AND YOU'VE BEEN TAKEN FOR A RIDE. It's bloody obvious that she has dropped him enough hints FFS
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ok. I'd like to contribute to this but I'm thuroughly confused. None of Sylvains posts make any sense. Who's writing who? Mother said what? Sister told who..what?
anyone who can follow this one, more power to ya but I'm unable to follow it.
Ed , I am with you , my suggestion was in post 85 , way back when , and I have not changed my thoughts since then , it has been the same circle ever since , regards Robert .
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I gotta agree with Tiz on this one. This is nutz!!
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You guys have got to stop giving this guy....and others false hope, it's what he's looking for, any minute bit of positive reaction & he's off in dream land again, it's nice to be all cuddly and warm to everyone but I think a lot of you with your nice positive words are doing more harm than good
In my humble opinion, when you're caught up in a situation like Sylvain is in at the moment, nothing you're going to say, whether positive or negative is going to have much of an impression. In situations like this it's enough to listen to what he has to say and to support him as much as we are able. Sylvain is a good fellow, he will work this out just fine. I have no doubt about it.
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I'd like to know why you seem to be so "angry", Tiz', even if that word seems to not be "good enough"...
WTF?
As I can remember, Ting said she disliked that man and that she liked me... Well, maybe is she really married to the chinese man, ... because her parents forced her to do it. But I can just remember too that she didn't want to do it... she quarelled her parents about me, she wrote me that she did not really have any other choice than listening to her parents and to be with that man... but her sister went talking to her mother yesterday once again and (I said it seemed) that she then became confused...
Tell me what's wrong about that? Traditional parents don't have to change ??? they must follow what their mind says,whatever would happen? are you trying to say me in fact that they just like some any robots, they just say "no", "no", "no", "marry that man", and that's all??? (kidding)
As I want to say, too, for sure, my trip over there was really like a rollercoaster and I really agree with it... Ok, 5 days were short to be really good for many things to live, but I had an experience over there... did Ting choose anyway to be with that man? It seems like "no".
Maybe is she finding any other way to move from China and that I'm a rabbit who could be like "an EXIT's door" and who could help her to move from China, maybe isn't it the case... i just know that anyway, if she would had to move from China, there would be any contract about wedding and so on...
I know, I guess I can be a bit "crazy" to still believe in something...
how to say? sometimes I just live with a few things... and that sounds good to me. I don't need so many things to be happy.
Well...
If Ting is also married and that she wants to divorce, WTF with that? maybe that her mother would have understood that Ting and her sister tried the best they could, to show her that Ting really likes me but because her mother is traditional, she refused to listen "easily" Ting about all of it...
As I said, I have nothing to lose by waiting now anything new from Ting..
anyway and for sure, I wouldn't send any money if she would ask me to help for divorce or anything else.. until I would meet her parents if it WOULD HAVE TO HAPPEN...
What do U want me to say else...
seeing that Ting keeps me updated about that, I just let it be to see where it will lead..
And since a few days, I'm in contact with many other ladies because of my next trip.
So, now...
I think the best thing to do is that I will forget that topic, because if most of you are also helpful with good advices and so on, I have to admit that it's becoming like a free "debate" about "should I leave, or should I stay"...and the "atmosphere" just become a bit "pesante"... I just feel it.
Then, I won't post anymore over that topic...
If any moderator wants to "close" it, I'm ok with it.
It won't change anyway that I will go on talking about my next trip, without giving any more news from Ting, so everybody shall be happy like that.
Thanks for understanding.
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Mate, I'm not angry with you, I'm annoyed at the situation you have been put in. Had she loved you as much as she obviously told you by EMF etc, she would have made every effort to meet you at the airport, she would have made every effort to spend as much time as possible with you, instead you were fobbed off onto her sister, you were never told about the other man, you were never told her parents were against her leaving the country, ALL of this could have been discussed before you wasted your time going there. "TAKE A HINT" she is not coming to France, she is not getting a divorce next week, her parents do NOT want to meet you & you MUST stop wasting time and money on her. Move on like you are trying to do & forget Chongqing ever happened or you'll end up in an asylum.
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Guys i think we should just let sly get on with it no matter who says what he will do it his way.
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At last, some has had the bulls to tell it how it is, instead of pussy footing around. Does everyone realise, ....it's taken 33 pages, and over 300 postings and over 5,300 viewings to get this far!!!!!!!
It's true What Tiztom has stated, instead of posting what you really thought, you've been sending him candy floss, that's just feed his obsession. If we really want to support each other here, we have to Tell It How It Is, and not Gloss over, what can be plainly obvious to everyone else, except the guy that's involved.
I hope that this has been a lesson to all of us, Don't Feed Candy Floss to guys that are digging bloody big holes for themselves. It does the guy involved and the rest of us, absolutly no good what-so-ever, and probably does more harm.....
David......
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David & Tom,
You're not the only ones to give dissenting opinions or 'tell-it-like-it-is', others choose to do it by private email instead [ very early on this thread ].
In the end, he probably get 65/35 % - Pro/Con opinions, it's his decision ultimately to succeed or learn a costly life lesson.
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Chong....................This is what a public forum is all about or everyone would stick to MSN, emails, or the phone.......... if you put your dirty washing on the line-expect people to see and comment on it, not hide the facts.
I can understand personal abuse being a problem but a personal opinion seems to get one half in tears and the rest living in denial. I'm sure if Sylvian had so many private posts he may have woken up by now but as they are hidden he can also ignore them, cold hard in your face facts are sometimes the only things that get through to people, but there is too much pissing in peoples pockets on here.
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when you're caught up in a situation nothing you're going to say, whether positive or negative is going to have much of an impression. In situations like this it's enough to listen to what he has to say and to support him as much as we are able.
Danny says it all here. He had learned it from being in a similar situation.
Sylvain believe it or not, has it under control. He's not blind to it. He is posting all of it not asking for help as in what should I do? but more of what do you think?
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Tom,
You're right, Sly chose to air his dirty laundry publicly so he has to accept pro and con opinions.
He did get cold hard facts EARLY on telling him to abandon. Like you mentioned, it's post # 331 with over 5,000+ viewings, so obviously it hasn't got to him yet. Whether, it's by private or public posts ... as long as he reads it, it's his decision to continue or not.
Tom ... At some point, you WILL need advice. Judging by your personal privacy, you WILL 'PM" your closest & trustworthy friend on this site ... I guarantee it. At the beginning of my trip, I had a very important life altering decision and I email two senior Forum members for advice ... instead of starting a public thread. Well I got their two opinions but I disagreed with them. They suggested that I contact the lady again, I refused. Ultimately, it's my decision. I didn't need to read 100+ opinions.
The reason I replied to your post was that you're trying to sound like a Holy Crusader. Like I mentioned, you're not the only one to 'tell-it-like-it-is". You don't need to constantly post that guys need to hear 'Cold Hard Facts' & spare them from pain. We heard this from you several times already.
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Chong,
I can see and understand what you have said here, and also pleased that some have posted Pm's/emails to Sly.
But don't you think, before it had got this far down the line, that some of those people posting PMs or e-mails, should have made there feelings known on the Forum?? I can tell you this much, from this thread, the pros and con's by far, favour the candy floss approach.... and any posts that started going against that approach started to appear far too late in the day to be of any real use. If it wasn't possible to support Sly by being basically straight with him, at least it can help others in the future
As i stated above, the guys on here have to start telling it as they really see it, and not just join in, to add their little bit of Floss.... That's not support in my book!!!!
If i was in a similar position, or making foolhardy decisions that i just couldn't see. I'd rather have someone post on here and tell me just that. At least i would have another prospective to look at, and to look further, into what, i probably hadn't earlier even considered.
I still think this has been a useful lesson to the forum, on just what can happen, when your not Straight with fellow members. Only Fluff and candy floss doesn't work!!!
Look at it again Chong , ....33 post pages, over 300 postings, and 5,300 Viewings.
Doesn't that tell everyone here anything????....
David......
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As I can remember, Ting said she disliked that man and that she liked me... Well, maybe is she really married to the chinese man, ... because her parents forced her to do it. But I can just remember too that she didn't want to do it... she quarelled her parents about me, she wrote me that she did not really have any other choice than listening to her parents and to be with that man... but her sister went talking to her mother yesterday once again and (I said it seemed) that she then became confused...
Tell me what's wrong about that? Traditional parents don't have to change ??? they must follow what their mind says,whatever would happen? are you trying to say me in fact that they just like some any robots, they just say "no", "no", "no", "marry that man", and that's all??? (kidding)
Sylvain, here is what one of my dearest of friends wrote about your situation when I explained it to her - while I might not agree with every suggestion, I think it has value for showing that other people consider that the way you have dealt with it is not unreasonable:
I am so pity for there is more a tragedy marriage produced.
I think firstly, she is very young to strike and against her happiness with her parents. without enough courage and brave.
secondly, her parents very domineering and overbearing for their daughter's marriage. like the BaoYu's mother and his grandmother.
Thirdly, your friend should be earlier write a letter, such as like a guarantee to let his gril's parents take it easy for transnational -marriage, and he should be fly to be around the girl and do his best to get married with his girl.because the girl instead of his girl's parents would marry him.
Only one letter to the gril's parents now, maybe is too late but, could make them reflect on and discovered their errors.
Fouthly, I would leave my parents and try to work on your friend's country or find another job at another area if i would be the girl.
I personally wish you all the best and hope that you don't feel your tender feelings are being mocked.
I have a great deal of sympathy for your situation and hope that over the coming days it is resolved to your satisfaction.
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David,
Sly's problems started on page 8 post # 77. Right away, Maxx, myself, Irish and Alex advised him to start looking for another lady ( post # 78 to 88 ) ... isn't that telling it like it is right off the bat ??? That wasn't candy flossing, was it ???. We all advised him from our personal experiences. Our feelings were posted early on the Forum. "Look at it again" ... in your own words !!!
Sly chose to continue to follow his heart and look where it ended up ... 330+ postings 5,300 viewings. If he took our advice then, perhaps the thread would have ended right there.
Right or wrong, it's his decision.
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Chong,
I've just gone and looked at those posts mentioned above. Yes they weren't the normal candy floss, But you weren't actually telling him straight either, ....More agreeing with some of the comments he was coming out with in his posts, and bits of advice to do with the contacting the agency in the whole. Then, ... later on everyone you mention is back on the candy floss merry-go-round...
My main point on my posting here, is Not particuarly that about Sly, but in a general outlook over the Forum. We have to tell it how it is, and not follow the happy smiley fuzzy posts, if we see something that isn't right, and is in our view being overlooked by the majority.
The one thing that should have been learnt from This thread, is that once it's known that the guy is just not listening to anyone, .... then you refrain from feeding the obsessive thought patten.... Now i'm sure you will agree with that, at very least Chong?
I'm sure what's in the back of your mind, is not allowing the Forum to become a ''free for all' nasty bash em, and run type place. And i agree with you 110%, That's not what I, or anyone else wants here. But we have to be at least, a little more up-front and honest with each other too. Candy Floss is fine at the right time and place, but can be non-productive in other instances.
No-ones knocking Sly now, as they won't be with others when they feel they have to tell it, as it is, to others in the future. The important thing is that we Support each other the best we can, without going round the bushes to do it......
David ......
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David,
Telling him to start looking for another woman early on in the Forum ... What's not straight about that advice ??? Some of us just know to bail out that that point and advised him. So again, wasn't that straight to the point ???
Regarding supporting him afterwards ... let's use an analogy. If you advised a family member but he/she went against your judgement, you would still support his/her decision wouldn't you ??? ... even if you think he/she's wrong. Again, it's not your decision. Even if you bash Sly's brains with your opinions, it's not your decision to make.
You mentioned that you should say something if it's overlooked by the 'majority' ... well if the majority overlooked it, who's to say that you're right ???
I totally agree with you about ... "if the guy's not listening and has an one track mind after hearing all opinions, shouldn't the obsessiveness be stopped" ... but we have over 170+ members, most will still feel to offer their opinions ... just like you, tiztom and I are doing ... even at this late stage of the thread.
You and tiztom have an one track mind set that members aren't upfront and honest with each other. I disagree ... we have many guys that tell-it-like-it-is ... but remember, we're a support group [ like you wroted ] ... in good times and in bad times. You and tiztom have every right to let your personal opinions be known ... just write dissenting opinions in a clean form reply. Then use all the swear words you want to write in a private email ... that'll get your point across publicly & privately, right ???
In the end, our opinions are neither right or wrong. It's not our decision to make.
In reality, we're all here expressing our opinions and staking our 15 minutes of Internet Fame .... because nobody else will listen to us ...... hahahahahaha !!!!!!!!
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Well, please don't fight for me please, 'coz I don't have any bunny girl just to make you smile :D
So...
For sure, I had some PM's from some members here, and I do think that it's the same for other brothers with different topics... each one choose to PM who he wants and to give any advices and anything else.
I have nothing to say about that, except that I really appreciate.
A thread must be "constructive"... for sure, I was said several times that I'd better look for another lady, but eh... when I think I got something to do, I prefer doing it instead than doing nothing...
Danny, I really appreciate what your friend says, and in fact, many points have been done...
I just can say "again" that Ting seems to be "scared" to leave her family, but I said her that I'd do all I could for her to go and visit her parents if she would live in France... I never said "she will"...
The "problem" is that Ying is not really Ting's sister but just her cousin, but she is considered as her sister. So, Ying does not live with Ting's parents and can't talk to them everyday... she told me she would help and so on...Just tell me what's wrong with all the mails she sent me, saying that she would do anything to help and so on? Her latest mail said "maybe some changes for us", and that she would keep me updated on Monday, and that I didn't have to be angry nor sad.
I know that Ting didn't tell me clearly about the chinese man, it is also something I will have to better understand from her.
As I showed many pictures with her, I was said that she seemed very happy with me...
So, yes, I did not see her often in Chongqing, I would have liked... she said me that because of her parents, she was forced to see the man, 4 times a week...and that she didn't see him after work and at night...just for lunching time. What can I say about it?? except that she may be honest with me...
Ok, in real she didn't say she loved me, and she didn't say "I will miss you" when we said each other goodbye...but in 5 days, anyway, isn't it a bit short to say to someone, known from Internet and maybe the 1st foreigner we can see coming for us, "I love you"?
I don't really remember all other topics related to your trips in China, but I can remember that, for some of you, you had to wait more than one week just to have like a french kiss ...
Now, the thing that I don't understand is that, if Ting is married, if she needs my letter, it would be to give to Ying, so she could then translate it for Ting's mother... just in hope to divorce and being with me?
If so, I would then ask a copy of Ting's status, saying she's really divorced and that her parents really are ok to see me.
BUT !!!!
as I say, actually, i'm not angry nor anxious about that...I just let it be...
If nothing has evolved in the next week, I'll move and close that situation with Ting, ... just because there's nothing more to do...
I think I've used all the things I had near me, to "believe" in the relation with Ting, and for sure, I'm not a magician. Even if I did all I could, now, I have nothing more to regret.. Shall it stop or go on, that just makes my trip an experience, and next time I will move, I'll ask about the parents, if they are traditional ones or not...
By the way, I have also asked Ting about her father, 'coz,for sure, she didn't mention him in her mail...
Most of you guys are right, anyway, to give me any advices, to comment and so on.
For sure, the "ultimate" decision is mine... but don't think I would sink... ^^
I'm just thinking more and more about Beijing & Shangaï for my next travel... Right now, Chongqing isn't mentionned...
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The "problem" is that Ying is not really Ting's sister but just her cousin, but she is considered as her sister. So, Ying does not live with Ting's parents and can't talk to them everyday...
NOW ... you tell us !!!!!!!!!!!! It makes a huge difference. :@
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Errr.. I thought I had already told it?
And what about the "huge" difference? If the cousin can still give any opinion, and as she is 37 years old and wil marry an US guy and will live with him in USA?
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Chong,
It seems that you will never see the point or points i was making, so it becomes a pointless exercise explaining more.
What was very interesting though, i have had discussions with Tom off line on email, and we did wonder if PMs were being monitored by you Mods. So we decided to try it out, and be as outrageous as we could, just to see if any comments from the set-up PMs were made public.... And now you have confirmed to me, that you are indeed monitoring them. So much for your members privacy. Perhaps you should change the title from Private Messages to Personal Messages, either way, ....Guess who won't be using the PMs anymore Chong!!!
David.....
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Chong,
It seems that you will never see the point or points i was making, so it becomes a pointless exercise explaining more.
What was very interesting though, i have had discussions with Tom off line on email, and we did wonder if PMs were being monitored by you Mods. So we decided to try it out, and be as outrageous as we could, just to see if any comments from the set-up PMs were made public.... And now you have confirmed to me, that you are indeed monitoring them. So much for your members privacy. Perhaps you should change the title from Private Messages to Personal Messages, either way, ....Guess who won't be using the PMs anymore Chong!!!
David.....
Sounds like another conspiracy theory to me.
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I have to ask is this so about the pm,s ?
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Chong,
It seems that you will never see the point or points i was making, so it becomes a pointless exercise explaining more.
What was very interesting though, i have had discussions with Tom off line on email, and we did wonder if PMs were being monitored by you Mods. So we decided to try it out, and be as outrageous as we could, just to see if any comments from the set-up PMs were made public.... And now you have confirmed to me, that you are indeed monitoring them. So much for your members privacy. Perhaps you should change the title from Private Messages to Personal Messages, either way, ....Guess who won't be using the PMs anymore Chong!!!
David.....
David and paranoid (Tiztom) friends, maybe you should take this paranoid tenancy further and not post at all here, we all seem to be able to read your cynical thoughts on-line for some strange reason.
Nobody here is going to shed a tear if you and Tiztom move off to Pfishy where i supsect you'll both feel more welcome and at home with the other paranoid Walter Mittys, good riddance and good bye.
Tiztom if you want to start spreading unsubstantiated crap like David I'll ban you too, if you want to act like an adult and offer balanced advice and opinion here rather than paranoid unsubstantiated rumours than you are welcome here.
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Victor if you post a PM to somebody I don't recieve any notification that you sent a PM and I cant read your messages.Ihave no Idea what David is talking about.
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I leave for a few hours and meet with some clients to come back to this? Nobody told me I could read PM's? How's this possible? BS!?
I wish I knew what the proof was?
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Chong,
It seems that you will never see the point or points i was making, so it becomes a pointless exercise explaining more.
David,
You're the one who has an one-track mind set ... read post # 338 and others from past threads ... I actually agreed with you most times except when you go off on tangents. Regarding "reading PMs", MODs don't have any Forum ability to read PMs. I don't even know why/how you got ban as I just woked up ( China time ). I signed off at 12:30s am and signed back in at 6:30s am ... are you blaming me now for your new conspriacy theory [ which is probably why you got ban ] ??? I must be able to do things in my sleep ???
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Chong....What you been doing in your dreams.....lol
And as for the PM's..........I think Pfishy BS... Chnlove.info was made up to stop any and all Bull Shit that was happening in Chnlove,com as far as I believe, so there is NO WAY the mods are going to interfere with PM's...
Isn't PM meant 'PRIVATE MESSAGE......can you get into someones PM without knowing passwords?....If you can, will you please tell me how, there are a few peoples PM's I would like to read:blush:
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Sorry maxx was just asking mate.
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Chong,
It seems that you will never see the point or points i was making, so it becomes a pointless exercise explaining more.
I must be able to do things in my sleep ???
Chong, you must be a Jedi in secret, and have great powers of the force to do such mind tricks, and in your SLEEP !!!!
ummm .... Can I borrow your light saber? :huh:
Jedi-Master Chong
:icon_cheesygrin:
To me, admittedly a new face on the planet, it seems we should all take a deep breath. Even the caustic comments deserve to be heard. This is not Mary Poppins here. Guys have opinions. They don't always get packaged in the exact way we would prefer. I chalk that up to being human; with our own personal issues at stake. Take the meat and throw away the bones; then move the f*** on. No one is perfect. We all give the best we got to give. I doesn't need to be perfect to get over the bar. Harmony is not the goal, IMHO. But rather what each of us would desire if we were in similar places.
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Maybe it's because I didn't like that "Candy Floss" theory David started on post # 329. From post # 334 to # 338, I proved that he was partially incorrect in his theory ... yet, it still wasn't good enough for him. Then he starts another dumb conspiracy theory.
He promotes "Tell-it-like-it-is" & "Cold Hard Facts" ... but when it comes back his way ... he can't take it himself. It's too bad, I actually agreed with most of his opinions from past threads.
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Ping Pong, you da man. But your Jedi Mind tricks only work on the weak minded. What was i saying? Master Jedi you da man.
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Sarge / Dad ... don't give me credit for anything ... I had nothing to do with it. I'm a firm believer in "Freedom of Speech" but once someone starts writing lies ... that's going too far. At least, when I'm wrong, I'll admit it.
I don't like seeing people get ban. What's done is done, let's move on.
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Well.
how to say?
I didn't see it like that, in fact...
Because of her english so bad...
Just remember that sentence "my parents don't agree with us, I can not and my boyfriend broke up".. ==> she was saying in fact she couldn't break up with her boyfriend, not that her boyfriend had already broken up with her...
So, maybe would she had said in that sentence : "today my mother forced me to marry that man.We go to government office to transact it", maybe would she have said "today my mother will force me?"
I say that but I'm probably wrong...
because as she wrote me, I got a message on my phone from her sister who said me that Ting's mother listened to her and so on, and that she had to go back on Monday to speak to her...
I think I'm not here to be blamed, nor to blame anyone...
because if Ting is already married, why does she want me to send her the letter, to give it to her mother, next??? I just don't understand that.. And as her sister already talks with Ting, why didn't she say it to me ?
That are 2 questions I am asking you, because in my personal case, I don't know the answers if Ting is already married...
And now she feel very regretted to force me marry that man.It is just impulsion
I really don't understand anything.. why doesn't she say "I'm sorry, I have to leave you... " :huh:
Well..
I'll see, because the letter has already been posted back.
To reply to any other questions, comments and so on, in fact, I'm moving to anything else, I'm just checking, taking some time to know where I will go for sure in September. I have established a contact with 2 ladies from Shangaï, and one from Beijing. So, it's always good. but, for sure, actually, I'm not looking for the Big "L"...
I've already been outside, tonight, changing any ideas and so on...
I got another question, by the way...
Supposing Ting is married now to the other man... how long does she have to wait to "divorce" if she really wants to do it?
I apologize anyway if I'm boring most of you through my topic..
I just would like to add any other personal comment over here.
Most of you (or all of U?) already know that I'm french, so english is not my birth language (it could be in fact but it isn't)
What I am trying to say, is that, everytime, I have to translate french to english, french to chinese, chinese to english then english to french.
I can understand most of your sentences, for sure, not all of them.
The same about Ting...
So, if you already know that she's married in her last letter, I'm sorry but I didn't understand it in fact like that...
So, excuse me if sometimes I can not "understand" clearly something...
I think that however, I'm good enough to understand many things.
Sly, you should use the google translate. I think you can go from French to Chinese and bypass English. But to insure a translation as accurate as possible I go English to Chinese and back to English and see how the the newer English version reads. I will make corrections on the original English and go through the process again. Once I am satisfied with the translation I will send that Chinese version. It really cuts down on translation errors. Google translation is mui bueno!
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Sly, you should use the google translate. I think you can go from French to Chinese and bypass English. But to insure a translation as accurate as possible I go English to Chinese and back to English and see how the the newer English version reads. I will make corrections on the original English and go through the process again. Once I am satisfied with the translation I will send that Chinese version. It really cuts down on translation errors. Google translation is mui bueno!
Shaun, that's good advice, and that's what I do when I have to translate something.
But for something that's really, really important, like the letter Sylvain is going to send to her parents Google is not nearly good enough.
Machine translations generally sound woeful, like Manuel speaking English, or Basil Fawlty speaking Spanish:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8DngrgIpS0
You can work out what's being said, but it reads awful.
If ever one of the brothers here have a make or break letter, then you just have to find someone to translate it for you.
Someone here will be able to help with this, I'm sure.
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The letter has been sent, in fact.. and I really thank the One who helped me a lot on it, and spent more than 4 hours to do a nice chinese letter.
As I said, that was my last ammo...
I also sent Ting another letter because many things that I don't understand and I need the replies.. If I can not... I will then give up. Anyway, as she seems to be married, I shall consider that there's nothing more to do...
I'll be fixed on Monday.
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Sly, you should use the google translate. I think you can go from French to Chinese and bypass English. But to insure a translation as accurate as possible I go English to Chinese and back to English and see how the the newer English version reads. I will make corrections on the original English and go through the process again. Once I am satisfied with the translation I will send that Chinese version. It really cuts down on translation errors. Google translation is mui bueno!
Shaun, that's good advice, and that's what I do when I have to translate something.
But for something that's really, really important, like the letter Sylvain is going to send to her parents Google is not nearly good enough.
Machine translations generally sound woeful, like Manuel speaking English, or Basil Fawlty speaking Spanish:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8DngrgIpS0
You can work out what's being said, but it reads awful.
If ever one of the brothers here have a make or break letter, then you just have to find someone to translate it for you.
Someone here will be able to help with this, I'm sure.
Yes Danny you are right. I was commenting about Sly's pathway to Chinese. I'm not sure what software he uses but he goes from French to English to Chinese. Lord knows what she is reading and what he is reading when she responds to him. Seems like this might be the confusion. At least with google translation he can go from French to Chinese and then he can check to see if the translation works. For me, I will go through the process several times until I find it reading the way I want. It is a pain and it may look manual but at least it is a little more accurate and less confusing.
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Sly ( it fits ), I think you are doing the right thing here, you do as you feel you must, then if all still goes wrong at least you can say you did all you could do.
No matter what happens I hope you enjoy yourself in September in China, it's too nice a country not to have fun.
Bablefish is okay but I think Google translate is better, good luck.
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Just that the story about the chinese guy which is still in my head... because she never mentionned him to me, I don't know how I can "have" a "secured relationship" because of that.. I can't live with any cheats in a relationship.. there's also another one with a webcam, Ting told me before I went to Chongqing, she didn't have one, and once I was there, I saw she got one... so, she has to tell me the reasons for those things... without it, I just won't reply her anymore... so, she has choice to do something. Or not.
It may be "small details" for some of you, but, to me, it is important.
And whatever happens, my next trip would be more significative if I move to Shangaï and Beijing :)
(a chinese man I know in Paris told me to mefy about Shangaï women:huh:)
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What was very interesting though, i have had discussions with Tom off line on email, and "....we...." did wonder if PMs were being monitored by you Mods. So we decided to try it out, and be as outrageous as we could, just to see if any comments from the set-up PMs were made public.... And now you have confirmed to me, that you are indeed monitoring them. So much for your members privacy. Perhaps you should change the title from Private Messages to Personal Messages, either way, ....Guess who won't be using the PMs anymore Chong!!!
I have no idea where this ^^^^^^came from & I am quite happy to PM all the PM's to any Mod to see this was never discussed, the thought never entered my head.
David and paranoid (Tiztom) friends, maybe you should take this paranoid tenancy further and not post at all here, we all seem to be able to read your cynical thoughts on-line for some strange reason.
It's not paranoid pin head................It's cautious & I'm really sorry you don't like me Irish Man, I was hoping to go to China and meet a real leprechaun one day....... rub your tiny little head and make a wish....oh well.
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BTW, translating french to chinese is not really easy.. because french language is more complex than english...
like "a car" : in english, you know it is A car... you say "a woman", "a man".... in france, we say "une voiture" for "a car", "une femme" for "a woman", and "un homme" for "a man"... so, we have some differences because of your grammar which is like "unisex" :D and ours, which is male & female.... (anyone has seen a teddybear around? :D)
well... and as in China, it is more like in U.S/English grammar, I think you can better understand why I prefer using google translator (when I can not use anything better), with english to chinese, and see if, translation from chinese to english will sound the same...
I did an example a few weeks ago....
with that sentence :
"I love you" : I translated to chinese, and when translated back, I got "I hate you".... Nice, don't you think so?? :D
Well, thinking again about my trip, I'm just thinking to myself that Chongqing is not really for tourism, but better for business ^^
maybe that later I'd be working over there... :D (or not...)
W.H, I'm more and more thinking about Beijing...eh, maybe will i find any golden medal for the last Olympic Games, in a street, who knows..... :D:D:D
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BTW, translating french to chinese is not really easy.. because french language is more complex than english...
like "a car" : in english, you know it is A car... you say "a woman", "a man".... in france, we say "une voiture" for "a car", "une femme" for "a woman", and "un homme" for "a man"... so, we have some differences because of your grammar which is like "unisex" :D and ours, which is male & female.... (anyone has seen a teddybear around? :D)
well... and as in China, it is more like in U.S/English grammar, I think you can better understand why I prefer using google translator (when I can not use anything better), with english to chinese, and see if, translation from chinese to english will sound the same...
I did an example a few weeks ago....
with that sentence :
"I love you" : I translated to chinese, and when translated back, I got "I hate you".... Nice, don't you think so?? :D
Well, thinking again about my trip, I'm just thinking to myself that Chongqing is not really for tourism, but better for business ^^
maybe that later I'd be working over there... :D (or not...)
W.H, I'm more and more thinking about Beijing...eh, maybe will i find any golden medal for the last Olympic Games, in a street, who knows..... :D:D:D
Sly, thanks for the reply. I didn't understand why you went to English first but do now. Even English to Chinese is difficult. Believe me I understand the "I love you" translating to "I hate you." Made that mistake with another woman. This is why I convert back to English before I send email to her. I send the Chinese text then the English text in the same email so that she can used her software if there is any misunderstanding. The lack of understand all of this killed the relationship but we remain friends and talk about once a week. And so far i think google is the best but I am keeping an eye out for something else.
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I guess there are some better ones... I will have a look at it....
BTW.... do agencies from CHNLOVE work on sunday?????? oO' one of my letters (recent ones) for Ting was in Pending and was in status "delivered" about 30 mins ago....... ???
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Yes they work on Sundays, I spoke on Skype to a girl via the agency last week, the translator only had Saturday off that week.
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What was very interesting though, i have had discussions with Tom off line on email, and "....we...." did wonder if PMs were being monitored by you Mods. So we decided to try it out, and be as outrageous as we could, just to see if any comments from the set-up PMs were made public.... And now you have confirmed to me, that you are indeed monitoring them. So much for your members privacy. Perhaps you should change the title from Private Messages to Personal Messages, either way, ....Guess who won't be using the PMs anymore Chong!!!
I have no idea where this ^^^^^^came from & I am quite happy to PM all the PM's to any Mod to see this was never discussed, the thought never entered my head.
David and paranoid (Tiztom) friends, maybe you should take this paranoid tenancy further and not post at all here, we all seem to be able to read your cynical thoughts on-line for some strange reason.
It's not paranoid pin head................It's cautious & I'm really sorry you don't like me Irish Man, I was hoping to go to China and meet a real leprechaun one day....... rub your tiny little head and make a wish....oh well.
Lol, fair comment, I will admit David struck a nerve with me last night, I guess he was figuring out how hard he could push the line, you do have a slightly off the wall sense of humour, but there will be no leprechaun head rubbings I'm afraid!.
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What was very interesting though, i have had discussions with Tom off line on email, and "....we...." did wonder if PMs were being monitored by you Mods. So we decided to try it out, and be as outrageous as we could, just to see if any comments from the set-up PMs were made public.... And now you have confirmed to me, that you are indeed monitoring them. So much for your members privacy. Perhaps you should change the title from Private Messages to Personal Messages, either way, ....Guess who won't be using the PMs anymore Chong!!!
I have no idea where this ^^^^^^came from & I am quite happy to PM all the PM's to any Mod to see this was never discussed, the thought never entered my head.
David and paranoid (Tiztom) friends, maybe you should take this paranoid tenancy further and not post at all here, we all seem to be able to read your cynical thoughts on-line for some strange reason.
It's not paranoid pin head................It's cautious & I'm really sorry you don't like me Irish Man, I was hoping to go to China and meet a real leprechaun one day....... rub your tiny little head and make a wish....oh well.
Tizcom....You mention that the PM's are monitored,...only one thing to do, if your real and truly thinking about the members of this site, SHOW the evidence to the brotherhood
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sly -
I'm a newcomer here and don't spend a lot of time on the computer, but
I thought I'd post a reply of support for a brother and hope that this
turmoil abates so that you can continue in your quest for a true love.
We all deserve one and I will cheer you on to success. Hoping to read
of this soon.
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Hi Raymond, and welcome here, so ;)
(french name, uh?)
Well, hoping someting now in my relation with Ting... I'd just say "I'm bored enough".. so, whatever would happen, I'd do with it.. I think I investigated too much into that, to not regret anything I could have done to make things evolving...Maybe in a few hours I will have any reply from her... but as said in my letter to her, there are some questions she has to reply if she wants me to reply or to go on in the relation... even if "relation" is maybe not the correct word, now...
Well.. let's see.
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Hi dear Xixi,
It is a hard time I know and I also feel very sorry.Yes you are very correct.My mother has forced me to marry that man.But yes I do not think it is really a problem.If we really love each other and we can solve this problem.So I think the marriage without love can not last a long time.That's ok.
And I wish I can reply you first.It is much better.
If you wish me to say from the beginning of June,my families begin to introduce this man to me.Because I have no any ¡°feeling¡± wish this man.I just think him as a normal friend.SO I do not think it is very nessassary to refer him to you.SO I never told you about him.About this,I feel very sorry.Because in the past years my relatives also introduce some men to me but they never force me to stay with them.So I think this time also is ok.But I can not forsee this time they wish I marry this man.SO this is the reason I never refer him to you.It is like that you pass a girl in the street,but you can not foresee that she will become your future wife.
And about webcam I think I have expained it to you dear.I said I have no one.But I sister she has one.Last time you said you wish to meet with me on the webcam.So I said yes I have because I can go to my sister's place and use her webcam.SO I think it is ok to say like that.
My expecting is like this dear: if you still love me and think we can stay with each other together in the future.So you do some actions to show them to my parents and I can divorce from that man and stay with you in the future.I really do not wish to lose you.That's my fear.But in fact what's your idea???Are you still willing to stay with me in the future???
My father is ok but he always follows my mother.SO if my mother can not agree us he also will not permit us.So I think if my mother can agree that will be better.Thanks for your careness.you are always very good and kind.
About my QQ,in fatc I also do not how to say it. I feel very very sorry but some times when I was on QQbut I can not see you.So later I only get off the line.Because of the difference of the time, I hate it.I really on the line but I can not meet with you. I think maybe I can write to you in my QQmailbox And you write to me.It is much better.You can choose not write to me in CHnlove.It is ok.You can write to me in my QQmailbox. I can write to you and although there are some understanding problems between us ,but that's much better for us to solve the problem.Do you think it is ok???
Look forward yoru reply and take care my dear.
Yours
Ting
Strange that her father isn't the one to decide...
Well..
I replied to her, she has 5 days to divorce is she wishes something for her and me.
If there's no action, on Saturday I'll book for Shangaï and Beijing :)
And then, bybye Chongqing, bybye Miss Ting.
That's just... easy to understand.
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Sylvain brother,
the more i read your posts the more i know i like you. I am proud there is such a man like you in the loveless world we are living.
No one is to blame. You´ve got it. You did what you had to do she the same. And you are right, her pacing back and forth, tentative steps towards you seemed to be to the eyes of superficial and shallow persons extremely immoral. But she could have had perhaps no choice except to play her game of life according to the rules and conventions of the society in which she´s living.
I am with you. You´ve heard all about this issue and you`ve made as a grown man your own decision. Finally there will be no good or bad decision in life if you know all the consequences and ready to bear it.
And i am happy because you know it now, if it´s not going to go your way , to beginn something new and trust the magic of the beginning.
AND i am sure all the brotherhood wish you, no matter whats the feeling, a peaceful change of life in which you find a lovely woman always at your side.
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For sure, I did all I could to show her many things.
As replied to her, she has all cards in her hands. She got the letter to show her mother, I won't certainly not do anything else. I think I just did so many things, that man can't say I don't love her and that I didn't do any actions...
:)
BTW, i could for sure wait for next week to begin to book my flight, but enough is enough... there's a time to love, time to think, and time to act... :)
I forgot to thank you for your comment, brother Darius, I really appreciate your comment.
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Sylvain I think you gave her enough time. Each time you post you say, I will give her till I get home to reply and that's it?, I will give her two days to reply and that's it?, I will give her this weekend to reply and that's it? Well, THAT'S IT! I will say two points that "I" myself would walk away now. I know you have your own reason. First is she is married. I can not respect or want to be with a woman that thinks of marriage as something temporary, like renting a room at a hotel? I don't believe she was "forced" into it. The second part is because she is married, No matter how great the "Offer" I don't date or have anything more then just being friends with a married woman.
So I think it is time to tell her goodbye.
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Vince, I may agree with you.
Anyway, now Ting sees there's no way else for her about me.
As you say, enough is enough... if her marriage is just temporary, I'd just say that it doesn't bother me, nor that it doesn't matter me... just because it is not mine.
I did what I had to do (I think), now she's face to the wall...
I did my choice.
I let her doing hers.
5 days. No one more.
NB / about the fact she is married...she says she was forced by her mother...
I don't forget, I'm westerner... Nobody will tell me "do that" or "do that", just because I would go against it... even if I'm wrong.
I know that, in her letter, she is honest anyway. I can not blame her for many things...
But I have no more effort to bring her.
Maybe is she scared about future and leaving china.. I just can't know that answer. But a thing is sure, she loves her parents and i don't know what would happen if she would go "against" them, just for a lovestory....
here, in western countries... that happens often... but what about there...I don't know.. that's just why I let her some "benefit of doubts", once again. but this is the last road before the end.
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""If you wish me to say from the beginning of June,my families begin to introduce this man to me.Because I have no any ¡°feeling¡± wish this man.I just think him as a normal friend.SO I do not think it is very nessassary to refer him to you.SO I never told you about him.About this,I feel very sorry""
I may be wrong but.......I thought she met him 4 months ago and started going to dinner with him 2 months ago.......That is not early June!!!!!!!
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Maybe did I not really understand when I was there. The translator also said me that Ting knew that man since 4 months but there was nothing between them...
It is something that doesn't bother me anymore in fact, I would say, as now I see the results...
Even if i have left all my cards, I just ask to see how will proceed Ting right now :)
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Well..
any news but I really don't know what to think..
Can anyone tell me if that sentence mean really the translation, next to it?
"??????? " ==> What do you want?
I'm not sure at all.
What I know is that I have talked with Ting on QQ, she talked to me in chinese and I used Google Translator.
So yes, she's married, she'd like to divorce (but she can't?), i don't really know why, or better should I say, i don't understand.
she says that together, no way.. later she says she loves me, that her parents got the letter and saw the pictures, they seem to like me..
But I don't understand the end of the discuss, as she asked me the sentence above, and that I replied "you, just you, and your happiness"...
So.. just next she turned into "mute mode" and a few mins later, she was disconnected. no "goodbye", nothing...
"????Husband ?????"
"????????????????? "
"??????????"
"?????????????"
"?????????????"
"???????????? "
"??????"
"????????????"
"?????????????"
I can't understand all that.. if someone is good enough to help me, please?
So, I'm saying myself that I just don't understand.. why saying "I love you" and that her parents love me if there can't be any issue?
And via letters, she says me (via EMF's) that until saturday, she would have enough time to try to do something to divorce..
(yes I bought any credits because I also talk to other ladies)
*lost*
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Sylvain,
this is what my translator programme, Linguatec, says:
"But my Husband gets divorced unwillingly"
"But I do not get divorced , I see you neither have significance "
"I am to think that I should how to get divorced "
"My husband will not get divorced absolutely now"
Ask you to use action to come to express hereafter "however also"
"Let my parents believe that you are really lovely I "
"Give me the happy people "
"But ask my parents to see your queen ",
"Need to let them believe that you are really lovely I "
Hope this is useful.
Alex
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"But I do not want to divorce the Husband"
"But I did not divorce, I see no point in you"
"I think I like how to divorce"
"Now my husband will not divorce"
"But you have to express future actions"
"Let my parents think that you are really love me"
"Give me a happy person"
"But my parents want to see you later,"
"Let them believe you are my love"
Half of this says NO DIVORCE. The other half say come see my parents? I don't like this. She's married Move On!
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Alex did you translate that yourself ? If you did good job.My wife says it is real close.I had my wife translate it for me this is what she came up with.
But my husband don't want a divorce.
If I did not get a divorce there is nothing I can do when I see you
I'm thinking how I can get a divorce.
My husband really do not want a divorce
you need to do something to show you really love me
You need to let my parents beleave you really love me.
let me be the happiest person in the world.
when you see my parents.You need to let them beleave you really love me.
Sly my wife asked me why.You did not find another women ? She said there is alot of women in China who would like to meet and marry a man like you.I tell my wife your story.She says that isn't right what the women do to you.My wife says the women has no face.to you her family or the new husband.
Stop beating yourself up over this women.I would of blocked her from writing to me a long time ago.All you are doing is hurting yourself.Move on to another women.
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Maxx, thats serious quality posting, Sly you need to take on-board what maxx is saying.
Its the hardest thing to do, but Ting isnt your wife and wont ever be, she's the wife of another guy right now and she wont leave him unless he beats her or something - her parents wont permit it and the she wont want to anyhow.
You are a nice guy and if ugly paddy like myself can find a lady then surely a suave frenchie like you should have the pick of the crop.
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I know that it's going on a no way.
I thank you, brothers, for your help, the translation above, and your comments.
Anyway, I established a contact in Ghanzhou with a lady. Well, I'll see where it leads.
And about Ting, as I was said before, the best thing to do, is to let her go.
I will think about the letter tonight.
Right now, I'm goin' workin, too many things to think about.
See ya all
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Sylvain,
you know i am not a believer of good woman bad woman theory. It is too general and abstract to be true. It is just part of our judgement projecting onto the other. Everybody has the basic human right to be treated individually, But i am a believer of what Arnold said once, dont go over if you are not sure 95% it works for you.
But brother what Irish are telling you is mostly right. It seems you are losing sight of the pactical side of your story. You are losing sight of the fact that she is now a married woman. What she is now expecting from you, right or wrong, is not practical anymore. Perhaps you are going there, perhaps you can convince her parents and perhaps they would accept her divorce!!!! Too many "perhaps" to be able to make a decision for your future. And dont forget, you as a foreigner being in China having an " affair " with a chinese married woman can mean nothing but playing with the fire. And think about it you have other responsibilities in your life and you cant jeopardize all of those.
I know you have already made up your own mind. Give it the last hit and please as i said trust the magic of a new beginning.
Good Luck my brother.
And Irish you are not the best looking one but ugly!!, why assuming?!
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There are sometimes when man has to think back with a few part of what is called "brain"... and not with his heart.
My brain says that yes, this is the end... I got no way else, even if I broke any walls, even if her parents seem to like me, (on the end), even if Ying did her best to "help" Ting and me.. that was still not enough to make the final difference.
There is the fact that Ting created a new wall, by agreeing to marry the other guy.
To me, she already knew that would be like that because she spent most of the time with him when I was in Chongqing. But she didn't tell me the truth about that.
She already knew she would finally marry him, not only because her mother forced her, but because it was "easier" for her for many things : he is chinese, so, no problems to communicate, no need to go to another country, no need to think she could abandon her parents... all benefit for her.
I don't know what should hurt me the most : knowing that she told me she loved me and that she's married, or that I have to give it an end...
My heart is a bit like some applepie for kids.. there are only any crumbs on the floor.. Nothing else, the big part is gone.
I already know she just got the flowers I had ordered for her, the status was "delivered", today... so, maybe tomorrow of after tomorrow, she would write "thanks"..
but that won't change many things...
Somewhere, I should be angry for many things, but no...
I was there and I did many faults, I didn't really know how to speak good chinese and many other things..
Well...
there's no one to blame I would think.
Ting already "learned" me that in love, nothing is won when we have to face "traditional parents" and that, even if we can have some strong feelings together, there are always some walls to break... It can take time, it can motivate us... or many other things.
I did all I could, I think I already left some parts of my heart over there.. but what can I do ? Nothin' more...
My last shot seemed to "touch" her parents, Ting told me that they liked me and my pictures, and the letter too.
That is what I was looking for. Big up to The One who helped me once again for that ;)
Right now, I am writting Ting a letter.
Just tryin' to put some "good" sentences inside, with no regrets.
A page is turned, a new chapter shall begin.
Many thanks again to all of you who helped me through my first story, my first trip in China.
I will be honored to share with you my next adventures in Shangaï ;)
N.B : THIS IS NOT A REASON TO SPAM ALL MY THREADS :D
(or yes, it should? :D, ok go !)
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Sly as experience has taught me, it is best to see her as something unpleasant. See her as a bitch or worse. Then your feelings will not hurt so much.
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I don't think that word is well appropriated, Vince.
Maybe don't we have the same notions about that... I know one lady who's like some of a bitch... and compared to her, Ting is really "clean"...;)
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It's a slang expression. Not really having to do with the word itself. Basically it comes down to meaning no good. But feel free to call her whatever you like.
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I can understand, Vince.
By the way, I will just call Ting, Ting... nothin' more, nothin' less.. she's as she is.
Sorry if you think I can "bite" a bit :D
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Bravo Sylvain.............Good to hear that you are now going to move on
Well done my friend:icon_biggrin:
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Well, thanks, Scottie',
but I feel a bit uncomfortable, even if I have nothing to regret in that story because of all I did.
Let's talk about something else? :)
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Sly, who are you going to see and in what city are you going to in September?, is there one in a few cities or just one in one city?
sorry I think you may have said in another thread but I can't really remember.
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As long as Sly is not going to Qingdao to 'see' my Keren I'm happy...lol:angel::icon_biggrin:
(only joking sly)
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Michael, here's the link to my other thread : http://www.chnlove.info/showthread.php?tid=520
I'll go in Shangaï on September and will end in Beijing. A few contacts around and in Shangaï, and actually, none in Beijing...but I think that I will read that thread again, because I may could be introduced to a nice lady, but I don't remember if she is in Beijing or not.
Scottish, well, in fact, I didn't want to tell you, but I can also go over there and ask her what she can do when she has free time and you not there :D (I promise to be nice :) )
(kiddin')
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He he she will only beg you too hide her in your suitcase to bring her to me..LOL:angel::icon_biggrin:
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Sly, I have the lovely lady in Beijing. I have talked to her and she said she would like you to e mail her. I will pm you the details on how. She is also learning French, She reads and speaks English flawlessly. She is an accountant. I will also e mail you her pic. If you do not like her, I have a few of my Ladies friends who are nurses. If not they have a couple of Agencies in Beijing. So you should be well covered there.
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Well done JimB, hehe this should keep him away from Qingdao....hehehe lol:angel:
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Only looking out for 'us' Qingdao dudes mate hehee:angel::icon_biggrin:
:angel::icon_biggrin::icon_biggrin:
Jimb...will you tell your lady friends, (nurses) that there is a poor 'little' Scots guy, maybe be looking if things don't go according to plan....lol
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Ok ok guys....(or brothers^^)
I will also make another wall between Beijing, Guangdong and Shangaï, so there will be no problem for me ^^
Jim', I answered your mail, thanks again^^ (just waitin' the picture, I'll write later anyway)
Scotti', mpo, well, u sure U don't want me to go to Qingdao?? :D
maybe, as says Scotti, your ladies would beg me to take them with me in a suitcase...
well..
too many choices, now :) :blush::blush::blush:
NERF...
Ting's running after me, asking many things, excusing her for many things, about our discussions and so on....
she also asks me to wait, but as i said "on sunday, I book, so ... i won't change it"...
she seemed confused and wrote me an emf just for me to "better understand"....
well.. a bit disappointed, but as I've not sleeped well those last days, I prefer saying' nothin about that...
but for now, my final destination is still beijing, shangaï, or maybe.. guangdong...
I'll see ^^
but no chongqing :)
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Good lad!!!!!
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The more I see your avatar, Tiz', the more I am always laughin', askin' myself if you would really be like Mr Bean ^^'
by the way, his daughter is sooooo cute ^^
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Thanks Jim , that also keeps him busy and away from my Wife in Shanghai .:icon_cheesygrin:
He keep's wanting my Wife's ID # , but ... I can't to seem to convince Sly , that she is married .
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Mpo, 'gonna think it's not difficult enough for me, just looking for "married" "or single"... nothing else :D
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Well.
I don't know what to say over here...
I just think however that I have to share it with you, brothers, because I don't really know who I could speak about that "situation".
I'm still in contact with Ting, but, for many things, it seems I broke the 24h rule's with her and about her situation and mine.
She goes on, saying she loves me, she regretted all that happened in Chongqing and that she really wanted to divorce the other guy.
Yesterday, she wrote me that she just had cut her hair and wanted to have any comment from me about it.. she said "here a photo of me with cut new hair, you like?" ...
but no picture sent;
I then replied to her on QQ, no way, she didn't reply, and she went "off" less than 20 secs.
I wrote her a mail, saying that I didn't understand her, most of the time she's on QQ, and at the begining, each time, no way to get a "hello", just like as if I was a friend, in fact... Only "you here?", or anything like that; the way she has to be "on", "off", "on" "off", while talking or sharing pictures, too, and the way one night she went on "mute" and left without saying anything, even a "goodbye";
Well, for sure, I became angry and I did not wait 24h to say her what I thought about it.
So I wrote her and her sister any other letter in english (easy words) to say that I just could not understand Ting and her way to be with me on QQ, because via a letter, she told me that we had to discuss if we met any problems but as I said "how discussing when you are "on", "off", "on", "off" most of the time..
I also said that I deleted her sister phone number because I already knew she would not divorce before today and that I was booking for Shangai.
Well.
I know that on QQ I was a bit angry and did not understand why she wanted me to give a comment about her new hair cut if I could not see with any picture, but I guessed that it was important for her to ask me anyway...
I wrote her another letter, saying (so true) that this situation was killing me inside, (even if I'm moving on, there are always many feelings for her), and that I could not be fine since she was married with the other guy. I did not understand too that she waited for me to come back to say me via qq or letters that she loved me and many other things like that. I just can not really understand why she's trying to be with me as she's still married with the other guy.
Sometimes I say myself that she ABSOLUTELY needs to go Out of China (I could be a good reason, but without real love), and some other times, I do thing that she seems to be honest, but asking me to wait for her to divorce is just a bit difficult to live "easily"
She said that she could wait for me to come back later, if she could divorce, and that she was "working on it";
She also received the flowers but as I asked in my letter, how many flowers did she get and did her mother like it anyway...
Actually, I know that I went a bit "angry" when I left some messages to Ting, but... I also sent her any other messages to say I apologized, explaning my point of view on all of that situation.
For sure, she may be tired of all of it and would maybe stop all definitively...
As I would say, there is actually no way for her and me because she is married...
but then, why is she always saying me she loves me and that she really believed in us later...?
I know that it is "difficult" to explain to all of you and that I should go away and so on... but what to say?
I also told her I would not move to Chongqing in September if she was still married and that if she would divorce, I then would like to get a copy of that.
I also told her that I could not understand her correctly sometimes on QQ, but how understanding her if she leaves and does not answer my asking? that's why sometimes or most of the time, I don't wait 24h to have any reply from her...
I also told her there were too many askings she did not reply, and that I could not believe in something with her later if she doesn't reply to those askings, just because it is some "problems" I met with her in Chongqing, and that, as I wrote to her "how man can project himself correctly in the future if he doesn't solve any past problems?"
I will see what she will write, maybe is it really the end in that "situation" because of too many things she doesn't understand from me and same to me from her... well..
anyway, my flight is still for Shangai.
Sorry to disturb you with all of that, brothers.
but as I think, if I don't post it, I can't even be fine, thinking always about all of it.
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I know you are right, but nog logged in QQ, if I have any other contacts, as my future trip is in 2 months, it would be a bit difficult if I can not talk with any lady on it.
but I may could block Ting....
Anyway, for sure, I am moving away and feelings are not as strong as it was at first.. but there are always a part of it...
Now, I am checking for any other options anywhere else.
Maybe will I stay "as" good friend with Ting.. maybe not...
Well.. I know it' a problem and I admit that you are quite right in your comment, Mpo ;)
Thanks for it ;)
I have to do my best to better open up my eyes.
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Omg sly your going to drive your self nuts with all this stuff i mean to say you are intuch with other women in your other thead and eaven canged your pic on your pc too so why are you still beateing your self up about this woman,get a grip sly put a end to this your just letting it get out of hand just block her on qq and move on,sorry sly dont mean to be so blunt but you do my head in when you dont see it,the facts are there to see she playing you big time sly.
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Victor, in fact, as I say , most of you are probably right.
And then...
I have to apply what is said...
well, sorry for that "disturbing", ..
Thanks for your comment :)
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Mike is right Sylvain... Block her on QQ and go on with you trip. You will probably only hurt yourself and maybe her too if you keep up the contact with her.
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Anyway, what is sure, is that I book for Shangai and it should be a very good thing :)
Hmm, blocking, well..
I think I will not right now, but if she would connect on QQ, i will talk "directly", saying that it's having a non cense, and that we must stop...
blocking someone on QQ or msn, is not really "enough", I think, because the contact is still here...
sayin' it clearly is, I think, the best thing to do.
and, unless she really can't understand, then I will have no more choice.
But I think she would be mature enough to understand all that.
So, she already knows about the situation, instead than "thinking she never can talk with me because I'm always offline".
and so, maybe not talk to each other for a certain time, and then, seeing if the fact to be as "good friends", could be "done".
blocking, deleting the contact is not really "fair", but I need to do things clearly.
by the way, as I'm moving on Shangai/Beijing/Guangzhou, it is because there are some reasons :)
I think you may all understand that point of view.
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Slyvain, (shaking my head in disbelief) Let me give you some advice from experience. First when she is on QQ and suddenly goes off, back on, off again? This because her Husband is near coming into the room. So she is hiding that she is talking to another man. She doesn't love you, she is confusing love with something else. Your not the white knight going to rescue her. When you go to sweep her up to carry her away she will say she's married to leave her alone. There is something wrong with her brain and she is dragging everyone into this. She is playing a game with you. Maybe she likes the attention? It's all very hard, confusing, and a no win situation. Block her and move on. Unless you like the heartache? Because that is all that will happen.
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Sly , you must STOP this NOW !!! Put Her out of your Mind or are you going to take Ting to every new relationship that you will have , even when you marry some other Woman ? You will find yourself in the same DEEP hole Ting is in now . You will ruin any hope for a happy future relationship with anyone , as long as she is NOT out of your Life . This is the perfect time to let go of it . USE IT !!!!
I want to see a Sly , with new plans and a new :heart: beginning on the next Trip .
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Frenchie ... You should have block her on CL waaaayyyyyy back on Page 8 of this thread when Ting first said ... "She didn't love you !!!" ... and when most of us experienced members advised you to search for another lady.
Man, get a hold of yourself. Don't you have any pride ??? Forget about her !!!
As your other Thread Title reads ... "Enough Is Enough"
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Whatever Ting is still married or no, that will not change the fact that I'm movin.
But if I'm movin' somewhere else, it is because I got many reasons ;) (as said above:)
Chong, I quite understand, just look at my other thread (about September) and you will see there is something for me to do in China (Shangai) and that would not be Chongqing ;)
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Whatever Ting is still married or no, that will not change the fact that I'm movin.
But if I'm movin' somewhere else, it is because I got many reasons ;) (as said above:)
Chong, I quite understand, just look at my other thread (about September) and you will see there is something for me to do in China (Shangai) and that would not be Chongqing ;)
Then STOP talking about Ting. Block her once and for all ... NOT even friends.
She's STILL on your mind. If the other ladies find out about Ting, you're DONE. Right now, you're still on the rebound
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Maybe you right, Chong, maybe not.
I talked to a lady about my experience in Chongqing, she asked "you have regrets"? and I haven't replied that she said that anyway, she wanted to see me and to help me visiting Shangai once I'll be there.
maybe that while being honest with ladies can sometimes be a good thing.
And I don't think the Shangai's lady won't reply me :)
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Maybe you right, Chong, maybe not.
maybe that while being honest with ladies can sometimes be a good thing.
Well Frenchie ... after 420 postings and 6,900 viewings ... you still don't get it !!!!!!!
Your story with Ting speaks about desperation, obsessiveness and an unwillingness to let go. When your new ladies ask you about your recent CL experience and hear this story, they'll be running the other direction. I wouldn't mentioned it at all. In this case, honesty will ruin you.
Do you want another new thread with 420 postings and 6,900 viewings ???
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ok, Chong.
I don't know what to say else, you probably right, so, let's move to the other thread and let's see how it will evolve? :)
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ok, Chong.
I don't know what to say else, you probably right, so, let's move to the other thread and let's see how it will evolve? :)
Frenchie, the Brotherhood wants only the best for you and good wishes. Put ALL YOUR EFFORTS & ATTENTION on the new ladies.
BTW ... it's "Shanghai".
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Sorry, bad mispelled just because in France, there is not any "h" at the end...
So, Shanghai..
I have still many effort to do :D
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Is the book war and peace as long as this if it is i aint reading it lol sorry ;)
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Victor, I could not answer you.
but I can promise my other story won't be the same ;)
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Chong, you are a moderator so pleas put everyone out of this misery and close the thread, I remember saying he was being conned when I first joined & got shot down, the tables have now turned & I really do think this guy needs help..........but not from anyone here.
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Tiz, I was askin' myself WTH you could be, because I saw no replies from you here :D
so, yeah, you're right, if we can close that thread (I've already asked for it) that would be a good thing ^^
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I think some of my my posts were deleted or edited by the moderators because I spoke the truth but in a direct way that may have hurt your feelings.
Check pages 13-17-18-19-24-31 & 32.
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Tiz, I was askin' myself WTH you could be, because I saw no replies from you here :D
so, yeah, you're right, if we can close that thread (I've already asked for it) that would be a good thing ^^
I think its run its course by now Sylvain, time for a fresh start and a new lady i think.
I'm closing this thread as requested.