China Romance

General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: JustJim on July 14, 2013, 10:52:32 pm

Title: My search
Post by: JustJim on July 14, 2013, 10:52:32 pm
Hi everyone...  I am new to this site.  I have been lurking for a little while and I have been on China Love for about a month.

I am not new to forums and do not mind posting about my questions, concerns and my search.  In fact, because I am so new to all of this and need to learn everything I intend to make this thread my history of my search for a good Chinese woman, and my go to spot for any questions I might have, and a welcome place for any information all of you might think I need.

I am already in contact with a couple of women.  I will post about them tomorrow.  I just wanted to introduce myself and give you all a chance to know that I exist.  And I send my best to IrishGuy65 - I have been reading along and I know he is in China now - and meeting his gal.  I hope it all goes well.

Anyways, I look forward to hearing from anyone who wants to comment.  I will be back tomorrow with more...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Robertt S on July 14, 2013, 10:56:15 pm
Welcome to the forum! Hope you enjoy yourself and find the information you are seeking.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on July 14, 2013, 11:51:46 pm
Good luck and we look forward to learning more about you. And welcome to our site.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 15, 2013, 12:24:06 am
Welcome aboard Matey.  Oops maybe your not a seafarer but like ships?

Hope that is not a slow boat to China you have there! ;D

There is a lot of experience on here not just for the initial meetings face to face but also the trials and tribulations that inevitably arise and the utter joy that comes later when all your dreams are fulfilled.

Willy

Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on July 15, 2013, 06:57:47 am
Welcome Jim.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on July 15, 2013, 11:46:30 am
Welcome Jim! You definitely come to the right place for most if not all info your looking for or need. I even let you borrow my Arrow to catch a Lady's heart. Good Luck!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on July 15, 2013, 09:03:14 pm
Slow boat to China....!  I did not see that coming.  Very funny, Willy.  :-)

Thanks for all of the welcomes.

My interest in Tall ships is both artistic and romantic.  I have never sailed on one.  It is on my bucket list though.

I guess just like this is on my bucket list.  I don’t think I need to preach to the choir as to why I am here.  I just one day decided it was time for me to pursue my dream.  The kids are out of the house and I have no reason not to pursue this.

Well, an easy decision to make, but the more I read the more overwhelmed I become.  I didn’t know this would be so challenging, so expensive, and require so much paperwork and coordination and crossing of t’s and dotting of  I’s.

But I am here, and I am determined.  It’s just that I need help. 

I am going to read as much here as I can.  If there are any threads you all think I should follow I am open to suggestions.

Perhaps I should start by telling you what I have learned so far.

First – China Love site is both a scam and for real.  I get that.  I have internet dated here in the US and I don’t think things are a whole lot different.  Women AND men post pictures that are 20 years old, they paint rose colored glasses pictures of themselves, they all want the dream, and some of them are 30 something scammers who have just recently moved to Ghana because their father died and they need money to come back to the States so that they can marry you.   :-)   I have read and heard a lot of stories and I’m okay with having to wade through the muck to find someone good.

Also I have learned first hand that if the woman cannot contact me outside of China Love then I am going to spend a small fortune just trying to stay in contact with her.

Two – when I do find someone I want to pursue a relationship with I am going to have to visit them in China, I am going to have to document EVERYTHING, I am going to have to hire an immigration lawyer, I am going to have to get her here on a K1 visa and then – at LEAST a year after first meeting her, I will have the chance to finally figure out if she is someone I want to marry.

Three – some of the  admiration letters are from scammers – and it is up to me to figure out which ones are sincere and which ones are not.

Anyways, it is all very daunting, but I’m up for it.  But really...  a lot of help please.

Like I said before I have been lurking and I have been active on the China Love site.  Most of the admirer letters I have gotten have not impressed me at all because they sound too “pie in the sky.”  The only two that I have responded to have been very informal, very “this is me, I hope you like me, I hope I hear from you.” 
Very real… ( yeah, but even that could be a scam....some translator figured out that the “real” approach works better...)  I’m not being a sceptic – just a realist.

Anyways, I have a very narrow window of what my interests are as far as the women I respond to.  I guess you can say that I know what I need...

Right now I am corresponding with two women.  Both approached me with admirer letters.  In my profile I am VERY specific that I am looking for someone to move to the US to be with me.  I want to visit China but I can’t live there.  My work, my kids, my life is here.  I am very upfront that I am asking whoever is interested in me to make a very big change in THEIR life.  I guess because of that I have been very hesitant to approach any woman because of what their profile might say.  Maybe if they said straight out that they were looking to move to the US…Besides I have been inundated with admirer letters.  It is enough just to weed through them.

The weeding through process has been interesting.  For me I like the natural, athletic, ponytail look, so all these photos with dolled up women in short dresses and outlandish costumes have not impressed me at all.  More about that when I talk about the women I am corresponding with.

It has all been very interesting, and I have already spent more money than I thought I would have to.  Oh well, I am working on that.  I signed up with QQ and I am learning how to chat and to cam on that.

I could go on but this is already too long.  Good night everyone and I will be back tomorrow.  Thanks for reading...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on July 15, 2013, 09:24:13 pm
Jim just because they contacted you first does not mean it isn't a scam.  My thoughts are that it is even more likely a scam.  You need to be careful and pay attention to everything that is said.

One think I know for sure is that the agencies don't always keep their stories and comments straight.  If you find yourself saying, "but I thought you said...."  Then you need to perk up and pay attention even more.  It isn't a 100% certainty that it is a scam but I imaging it would be like 99.999999% a scam.  Just be careful.

There are other sites to look at.  One of the member here has a site that is carefully watched.  It is called www.xingfulove.com (http://www.xingfulove.com).  There are others like blossoms.com which take a little navigation to understand.  There is China Love Links and many many others.

Good hunting.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 15, 2013, 10:01:27 pm
Shaun is right., Be wary of any approaches via admirers letters.  Be also aware that the vast majority of women never ever see your profile.  Many have never even be the agency they are signed with and are never given access to the Chnlove system.

They do everything by telephone, they do not write to your directly. You write to them, the lady receives a phone call and is given a 'precis' of what you said. If they can think of an answer there and then they give it but usually what you receive back is the translators reply. Anything the agency does not want the lady to know is omitted from what is told to the lady.

The translators build up a relationship with both you and the lady in an effort to keep the EMF revenue coming in and to collect their commission when a lady is introduced to you in person.  Yes every meeting the lady has with a potential suitor has to be paid for right up to them trying for the weighty success fee.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on July 16, 2013, 12:11:41 am
Jim I would like to tell you.That Willy and Shaun are to paranoid for their own good.But that would be miss leading.It works exactly like Willy outlined in his post.I have to disagree with Some things Shaun posted.Many a member here has married the lady from the Admiration letters.Willy and Shaun Did not marry ladies from Chinlove.Willy walked up to his lady and just confused her and before she figured out what was going on.She was married to a Limey.And thought it was better then being married to a Chinese guy.So she stuck around. ;D.Shaun married a woman from a different site.Where there is no translater interference.

I like Mike's thoughts on the matter.It is straight forward and to the point.Write the lady,Skype,Or qq the lady.Get the initial trip over.And see if this is right for you.Have you read the rules? If not they are posted here.And it is well advised that you read them.Know them.And live by them.Until you and the lady are comfortable together.And can laugh at each others cultural differences.While still respecting them.

Learn what face is.Learn what it means to the lady and her family.I could write a very long and detailed explanation of what face is.And my explanation could be totally wrong.As it pertains to the lady.China is a huge country and every province doe's things just a little different.And for every province.Every girl in those provinces thinks a little different.So face can be a difficult thing to understand.









Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on July 16, 2013, 07:33:09 am
Unfortunately this process isn't an exact science as you can see.  For every thing that we can tell you not to do you can find a person who has been successful at doing it.

I could tell you and considering the odds that you will burned at least once but I know of at least 2 guys that hit a home run the first woman they began talking to.

But I think that all here can agree that the odds are stacked against you.  Knowledge is your best tool.  You can find success and happiness.  Do your homework, look at each contact from every angle, always consider it is the translator that is talking to you and they have crafted their skills to pull the right heart strings.

I remember my first wake up like it was yesterday and it was almost 4 years ago.  I was taken hook, line, and sinker on that one.  It is easy to do but I was thinking with the wrong head.  The story is somewhere on this site.

I don't want to discourage you but you need to be aware.  Use your head, the right one, watch everything and you will find your dream woman.

Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on July 16, 2013, 11:45:44 am
I've dealt with three Agencies throughout my search and I'm happy to say.. all three were honest! But that was in 2007 and Chnlove was still more honest and less money grabbers. So we know (us old timers) that new Searcher's are up to far more of an challenge then what were used to. We do have enough members though, to guide you along no matter what problem/bump in the road arises for you.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on July 16, 2013, 09:17:08 pm
I used chnlove, but if I had to do it all over again, I would steer clear. It wasn't until after I was married did I discover that the translator was not passing important information back and forth. Also, keep in mind, that with a huge language barrier (assuming she doesn't speak English), this is going to add huge challenges to your relationship. Although many can read and write English, the spoken word is something you need to consider.

What I mean is, if she doesn't speak much English, and you marry her and bring her home, how are you going to communicate with her?  It's not realistic to think that you will be emailing each other, and using pocket translators. Just something to keep in mind. This comes from my own experience.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 17, 2013, 12:25:11 am
I've dealt with three Agencies throughout my search and I'm happy to say.. all three were honest! But that was in 2007 and Chnlove was still more honest and less money grabbers.
This was what I was going to point out to Maxx.  Any dealings he had with Chnlove in those early days, many many years ago, when he was on the trail,  were carried out on a different level. 

You could ask the lady via the translator for contact details and more often than not you got them as the agencies were more akin to making their money on the success fees rather than the emfs.

But in recent years things have changed. Chnlove have bought in more and more restrictions in an attempt to boost their flagging sales. Remember it was bought out a few years back and now the agency staff are banned from providing contact details. The risk being for the agencies is expulsion from the chnlove network and for the individuals translator - the sack.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on July 17, 2013, 10:49:48 am
Hi everyone…

Thanks for all the feedback.   

Maxx – do you have a link to “the rules?”  I haven’t run across that yet.

Mike – I am working my way through your “trips.”  I can see how only EMF ing is not good.

Willy – I really appreciate the experience that you have.

Shaun – exact science – I get that.  I am learning as I go.  It might be best at this point to talk about the ladies I am communication with and the totally different experiences I am having with each one.

Right now I am talking with two ladies.  Both rate their English as being “fair.”  I will call them “X” and “Y” – not their real initials – but in China those could be their real initials... :)  I digress...

I responded to “X” first.  A lot of EMFs, some chatting on the site, and totally unable to get her to contact me outside of the site.    Also no new pictures.

I responded to “Y” mostly because I was frustrated with my dealings with “X” and just wanted to see if that was going to be the case every time.

By the end of two emails with “Y” we had shared QQ numbers, then we chatted on QQ and she sent me pictures of her, her condo, her travels.   I asked her if she had a cam and she said she would get one.  Four days later she surprised me during our chat time on QQ by requesting a video chat and then there she was, in real time...  but she hadn’t thought to get a microphone.  I thought it was cute that she wasn’t aware that she would need one, and she said she would get one of those soon.

Anyways – night and day difference in these two experiences...

It puzzles me – because if Willy is right how did “Y” get my QQ number?  Why would a translator allow us to pass QQ numbers to each other?

My dealings with “X” seem more like the case that I am talking through a translator.

With “Y” we are talking privately so of course there is no translator involved.  But – when I stopped EMF ing with her and started QQ ing about three days later I got an EMF from her.  It did not sound like her in the EMF and I asked her about it when we were on QQ.  She had no idea what I was talking about.  I let it go – (I don’t understand any of this talk about “face”) and we moved on – but I let the agency know through the “rating” on the EMF translation that I knew what was going on and that I was not happy about it.

Things with “Y” are progressing and things with “X” are dwindling.  I told “X” not to EMF me unless it was in response to an EMF of mine and she agreed.  Then today I got an EMF from her – talking about going to the beach and eating hot dogs and crab legs and oysters... all very nice... except that “X” has written in the past that she is a vegetarian.

So...it might be time for an ultimatum with “X.”  But if she is real and just having to go through a translator – like Mike’s situation – I want to give them a chance to turn things around.

I just don’t know how to go about doing that.  Basically she told me that a hacker ripped off her QQ account and she is leery about using that again.  She said that she has a friend who is away for this month on a business trip who can help her get a new account set up.  She says that she is not that computer savvy.

Well, I guess I sound like the schmuck here.  That’s not really the case.  I haven’t lost anything but a few dollars yet, and I have time to sort this all out.  Plus I am learning.

I might get burned – I will probably have to go to another site to find a better experience.
I understand all that.  If my experience with “Y” had been the same as my frustrations with “X” I would already be done with this site.

So that is my story so far.  If anyone knows what I should do or say to get “X” to contact me outside of  the site I would love to know about that.  I can just as easily give her an ultimatum or block her completely.  And then I think about Mike’s experience and I wonder...  maybe that is too rash.

I appreciate everybody’s help.       Jim
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on July 17, 2013, 11:36:39 am
Jim,

X is scamming you for EMF dollars. If she exists at all she is not participating in the conversations. You are dealing with a a shady translator, crooked agency or both.
They have a thousand excuses why they cant talk to you directly and they will all sound plausible to a new comer like yourself unless you take the time to reason through them.

I cant say much about Y but it sees as though her agency is still trying to make a few EMF dollars and is trying to insert themselves back between you and her.

How old are these ladies? Hard to believe they are not computer savvy when it comes to QQ. 

Its just a big mess when you deal with chnlove or any of their member agencies. If I were you I would block Y and see if she continues to talk to you on QQ. If she does she is probably real. Otherwise she is the translator trying to hold onto you to get an occasional EMF dollar. 

My advice is find the exit at chnlove and don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.  There are better ways and places to meet eligible Chinese ladies.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Vince G on July 17, 2013, 05:59:10 pm
Jim, You may have to play the game with X. Tell her you have a chance to come there and will be there "next week" pick a day and say your only staying a short time. If it comes back as "I have to work and no time to meet you?" or some other excuse, she's a scammer.

She may be smart and know the game? and say good? make an excuse the in a few days that you can't make it then.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on July 17, 2013, 07:26:07 pm
Jim X is a translater.And it is going to play out just like the brothers said it will.No matter which way you play it.As far as Y never underestimate a Chinese woman and her goals.If she is interested in you she will do what it takes.For as long as it takes.To win the prize.Chinese ladies are very driven.I haven't met a lazy one yet.Sometimes they even come on a little strong,and fast don't be worried.They are usually in complete control of the situation.And have whatever it is planned down to the minute.

The rules were posted around here somewhere.But they are probably lost by now.I'm going to have to talk to management.About the way the run this web site.Lazy asses are probably smoking dope.And badmouthing each other.And eating dumplings.And drinking Doctor Pepper ;D.

Rule # 1 Maxx's 24 hour rule.Live it love it learn it.Never forget it. No matter what crazy thing your lady says to you.Writes to you post  to you.Or says to you.That makes you mad or confuses you.Do not reply.Post the question or statement here.Give it 24 hours for the brothers to tell you what the lady was trying to say to you.We have years and years of experience here.And sometimes Chinese doesn't translate well into English.And the trouble was caused by a simple misunderstanding.Or a difference in custom or culture.

Rule # 2 different contry different customs.Your lady is Chinese.She has her way of doing things.You are from a different country.With it's own customs and culture.And you have your way of doing things.You have to learn how to mesh the 2 different cultures together.It can and will be a tough thing to do.But for this to succeed it takes both people.committed to making this work.

Rule # 3 if it isn't the end of humanity as we know it.And nobody is going to get hurt.It probably isn't worth arguing about.If you are arguing with your Chinese lady.Refer to rule # 2 .If that doesn't work refer to Rule # 1 .And we will get it straightend out.

Jim I want to wish you the best of luck.On this little adventure.I also want to warn you that it can be tough.And a little intimidating at times.This journey is not for everyone.It is for those who can step outside themselves.And be willing to explore new things.And be willing to do things a different way.We will help you all we can.But you must put forth the effort and have the drive to finish this.Only to learn that there is no end to this.After 7 years and 3 kids.Most days are still a learning experience for me.So hang on and enjoy the adventure.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JohnB on July 17, 2013, 08:22:31 pm
Jim
If I start anew, I would use ChnLove and cross reference over to ChinaLoveLinkhttp://www.chinalovelink.com/ 
Tremendous opportunity to thwart the 'black hole' that sucks your money away. You can join for 'free' and just do a simple search to see if your woman exists there. Chances are, she probably is there.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 17, 2013, 08:45:16 pm
I would suggest that Y has developed a friendship with the translator dealing with the contact between you and between the translator and with X there is no such bond.   That is why your qq number  has been passed over, 'on the quiet'.   

The translator's often make good friends with some of the ladies and often meet up socially for the odd lunch or meal.   Sometimes the agency owner will invite a translator and a client to have a meal with them so that they can discuss and find out just how close a couple are getting! 

That is why the new rules are broken.  The translator is likely to be fully aware of which of the two is more serious about a guy and that is to their advantage as they can steer the right couple together.

Remember the translators just gets a basic wage for dealing with EMFs but their bonus lies in getting a good match and getting the couple to pay up the success fee to the agency.   

So go with Y and see where it leads but at a later date you had better see how she feels about the success fee! I know one that I met in the early days here who insisted that she would pay it even when I explained that neither of us did not have to pay . To her, she hasd signed the contract with the agency and  it was a matter of 'face'.  If we had been successful it was going to cost one of us around 50,000 rmb.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on July 17, 2013, 08:53:42 pm
Jim I forgot to try to explain face to you.And what it can mean to you and your lady.Face boils down basically to respect.And how you treat your family,And how you treat Her family,And friends.It can be real easy.To take someones face in China.And not realize you have done anything wrong.

Here is a example of taking someone face in China.One of are brothers here.Told his wife to take the train.Because the bus was going to be slow.And the roads were bad.So the lady takes the bus.Because it was cheaper by 5.00 dollars.Instead of telling his wife she did good.He was angry because she took longer to get home.And it was dangerous because of the roads.He took her face.Because he didn't praise her for saving 5.00.Like a good Chinese man would of.Different country different customs.If the lady would of ben married to a Chinese man.He would of hollered and screamed at her for wasting the 5.00 dollars.where as western men we are interested in getting it done now.With the least amount of drama.And what is 5.00 dollars to us.If we have to spend and extra amount to get it done quickly we will.

Story 2. One of are brothers was set to get married.His bride mentions the Monk.And how they need to see the monk.And to pay the toll.The brother is fit to be tied.He tells the lady.It will be a cold day in hell.Before he pays some bead shaker any amount of money.The lady runs for the door.Because he trampled all over her religion.He took her face.The brother broke 2 rules Maxx's 24 hour rule.And different country different custom rules.Then he tried to hide the problem from us.If I didn't like and respect this brother so much.I would of flown to his country.And tossed him around his house.Until he understood.Fortunately for the brother. his brother in law.And I were paying attention.So we hammered him until he seen the error of his way.And now him and his wife are together and happily married.

Face it can be as simple as bringing gifts for her and her family.cigarettes go along way in China.To show face to a Chinese man.food and fruit.Go along way with a Chinese woman.Holding the door for her.Carring her purse when you are shopping together.Putting food on her plate.When you are eating together.A simple smile for her.Can go along way.Showing her family and friends respect.Is simply showing them face.And when her family and friends are hammering you about something.You still showing them respect.showing them face goes along way.Something my wife's friends and family show me years latter.

Me and my wife were going to get married.She told me I needed to send her money.For the wedding party.I followed my own rules.and told her ok.So After I talked to her.I jumped on the internet to find out if this was a Chinese custom.It was so I sent the money the next day.When I arrive in China.We go to my mother in laws house.She has got a new  refrigerator,A new sofa,Mom and dad.And baby sister are wearing new clothes.I'm pissed beyond belief.But I follow the rules.Just to see where this is going.We get married.And take half the wedding party on vacation with us.When we get back from vacation.My new mother in law gives half the money from the red envelopes to my wife.And keeps the other half for herself.Now I'm more curios then mad.

I have to go back to the states.2 months latter I'm back in China.I tell my wife I want to go to Beijing.So we go.everything is payed for.I bought a few souvenirs.Maybe a couple of meals.I never payed for the hotel the food or any of the stuff we seen.Everytime I grab my wallet to pay for something.My wife friend is telling me no worries it is payed for.(I Found out latter my mother in law had sent my wife's friend the money.So we could do what we wanted to do.When we went back to my wife's home town.My hotel was payed for.And me and my mother in law.Are laughing at each other.As we try to decide.Who is going to pay for dinner.I'm trying to pay.And she keeps pushing my money away.

So as you can see face it is a 2 way street in China.By me not raising a fuss about the money .For the wedding ceremony.My wife's family.showed me face by paying for the Beijing trip.And it still is a on going thing.I payed for a nice hotel in Beijing for my wife's parents.And then took them around Beijing and bought the train ticket home for them.My wife had spent the previous 2 months staying with her parents.With are 2 boys.That we had at the time.To this day my mother in law sends my wife care packages about every 2 or  4 months.And scolds her daughter on the internet.If she doesn't think her daughter is treating me right.

I hope this help you understand face.And what to do and not do.don't worry to much if you do it wrong the first time.Your lady will probably understand.That you do it a little different in your country.And it is something you and her will have to work on.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 18, 2013, 12:22:41 am
Nicely and well put Maxx. Those example sums it up very well.

Too often foreigners come and marry a Chinese Lady without giving it any consideration at all. It is very often a case with some men of 'Do it my way or do not do it at all'.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on July 20, 2013, 05:45:34 am
Thanks Maxx...that helped my understanding as well!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on July 20, 2013, 10:52:09 am
Thank you Willy and fivetrout.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on July 20, 2013, 01:56:43 pm
Wow...Maxx  Next to you I'm just a worthless Jinadian.With low self esteem.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on July 20, 2013, 04:59:49 pm
Wow guys thanks.Martin I know it's tough being from Canada.And you feel bad about it.But don't be to hard on yourself.Not everyone can be American.

Mike I'm really flattered.Just remember everyday of your life is a choice.And try to remember To make the right choices.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on July 20, 2013, 05:33:49 pm
Maxx used to be my hero before I found out that during his teenage years he was rejected as employee of the month at McDonalds.  ::)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: mpo on July 20, 2013, 06:06:04 pm

You know how it is Martin .Maxx is just a real smart guy.He is my hero.And when I grow up I want to be just like him.


 :o

Gee, this is NOT what I posted ... but I guess I am used to that kind of stuff around here   >:(

My Posts getting changed and deleted all the time, without my knowledge, or approval ... get used to it guys  :(



really makes me NOT want to share here  .... which is why I stopped   :-[

 :P
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on July 20, 2013, 06:14:16 pm
Hahahahaha...nice edits Maxx.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 20, 2013, 10:36:12 pm
Wow guys thanks.Martin I know it's tough being from Canada.And you feel bad about it.But don't be to hard on yourself.Not everyone can be American.

Not sure that we should be bringing Nationality knocking into threads!   ;D ;D

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on July 20, 2013, 11:08:56 pm
Yea Willy I will remember that ;D Mike don't talk smack.If you can't take it in return.I was just messing with you like you and Martin were messing with me.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on July 21, 2013, 12:04:49 am

I am already in contact with a couple of women.  I will post about them tomorrow.  I just wanted to introduce myself and give you all a chance to know that I exist.  And I send my best to IrishGuy65 - I have been reading along and I know he is in China now - and meeting his gal.  I hope it all goes well..

Thanks for the well wishes Jim. It has been going great so far.

As for the rest... I started with china love also and thought things were going well with a few women. I even talked on the phone with one.  But I could never get them to give me contacts outside of china love. So I gave up after spending about $1000 on the site. I would suggest other sites where you contact the girl directly. Also, there are some good ladies on this site in the dating forum. Just my opinion based on my experiences... Your mileage may vary :)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 21, 2013, 12:40:15 am
Yea Willy I will remember that ;D Mike don't talk smack.If you can't take it in return.I was just messing with you like you and Martin were messing with me.

Maxx You do not have to explain yourself. Thou art MAXX ;D ;D ;D

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on July 21, 2013, 12:57:07 am
Just a quick update -

I took your advice - I chatted with "X" and told her that if she wanted to contact me she could do it through QQ and that it was just good manners to send updated photos, etc. etc.  Basically I took away any financial reason why she might want to contact me.  She didn't change her story and if she is real and I am wrong, oh well, there are plenty of fish, as they say, and it is just better to chat with someone who has a little empathy and understands that I have as much at stake as they do.

As for "Y" - well, she is the real deal.  We have been video chatting on QQ.  There is a long road ahead - so time will tell.  But, again, night and day difference and all from the same site.  I don't get it but whatever...

I had a few credits left there and EMF'd someone who had natural photos and had commented on something I wrote in my profile.  She seemed to also be real.   I got back an EMF which thanked me for the photos I sent - the only problem is I didn't send any...   


So, other than continuing to chat with "Y"  I am done with China Love.  I am looking into these other sites you guys are mentioning.

Odd thing though, I tried signing into China Love Link but couldn't get past the sign in page.  It seemed like I was stuck in a loop.  I will give it another try soon.

I appreciate all of the good advice you guys have for me.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: mpo on July 21, 2013, 02:46:26 am
Mike don't talk smack.If you can't take it in return.I was just messing with you like you and Martin were messing with me.


I am well aware that people like messing with me, which is why I limit what I post here,
and please stop telling me what I can and cannot talk about, you do not have that right.




Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 21, 2013, 03:55:19 am
Stick with Y for now Jim lad.   

Save the remaining emfs for emergencies. Hopefully you will never need them and they will expires in the usual six months.

You have made the break through with Y and the QQ details were passed as translator at the agency knows Y to be serious.  See where that goes for free for a while.

I would never be talking to several as it is surprising how things like that get passed around.

Willy

Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on July 21, 2013, 06:56:03 pm
I changed my previous post because it appears that it could have been racially motivated and I wouldn't want anyone thinking that about me.  ::) ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 21, 2013, 08:37:22 pm
I changed my previous post because it appears that it could have been racially motivated and I wouldn't want anyone thinking that about me.  ::) ;D
Nor me ::)  ;D
Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on July 29, 2013, 03:55:30 pm
Things continue to go well with "Y".  Someday I will give you her name - for now I am just being cautious - coy even.

Originally when I was still talking with "X" I felt like I needed a plan"B" girl.  I have read some of you here advising against that.  I originally thought that I would go against that advice and when things with "X" weren't progressing I contacted "Y" and a few others.  At the time I thought that I would pursue the plan "B" type of thinking but now I am finding that the more I get to know "Y" the less interested I am in having a plan "B".   I am starting to think that I will take my chances with her and walk the tightrope with no plan "B."  The truth is that even though I might still look at other profiles I am not inspired to contact any of them, and every day I find more reasons to just stick with "Y" only...


Anyways I have some questions and I could probably spend hours trying to find the answers but then what would be the purpose of this forum?  You guys have been there and done that and you will know right away what I need to know.

I said before that this is all new to me.  I do not even have a US passport...!

I picked up the passport form, I got a passport picture, I have all the documents.  But one of the questions is "what country are you traveling to, when is the trip, how long are you staying?"  I don't know what to answer.  I thought that a passport was all purpose, etc. so why do they want specifics?

I don't know when the trip will be, I don't know how long, I only know it will be to China. 

I also need to get a Chinese visa - but first I need the passport.  I thought I read somewhere that even after I receive the Chinese visa that I cannot use it for three months.  Is that true?  I hope I misread something.

Anyways if that is the case I might go ahead and get the passport expedited. I go for my interview on Thursday, so I have to make that decision by then.  I also need to know if I should go for the bigger 52 page passport.  My thinking is that I do not know what the future holds and even if it all goes my way that does not mean that I will not be making regular trips to China to visit in-laws, etc. 
I know I am going to pay for the book and the card.  The card would be handy for trips to Canada, etc.

I guess that is all the questions that I have - I will list them.

1)  Why do they want specifics about my trip and what should I tell them?

2)  Do I really have to wait 3 months to use my Chinese visa? - that would put my trip further off.

3)  Should I go for the 52 page passport?


Thanks for all of your help and advice.  I do not know where I would be without you guys.

Jim
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on July 29, 2013, 04:43:17 pm
1)  Why do they want specifics about my trip and what should I tell them?
Don't know why. Just put down an estimate. They will give you a passport.
2)  Do I really have to wait 3 months to use my Chinese visa? - that would put my trip further off.
NO... I have never heard of that before. If true it is something new.

3)  Should I go for the 52 page passport?
It wouldn't hurt. I have run out of pages a couple  of times. You can always get more pages added to your passport at the embassy.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on July 29, 2013, 04:55:44 pm
Gerry has answered your three questions correctly. What I want to add, is.. Jim I think the 3 months wait is actually a three months Visa for China you must have read. As a first time China traveler, you will most likely only receive a six month's (multiple entry visa, ask for that). Afterwards you will be able to get a year long visa, if you don't get into any kind of trouble there that is.. haha!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 29, 2013, 09:13:10 pm
In the USA you have to have an interview to get a Passport? 

Maybe a good idea in the UK as well but not sure if the passport office in the UK could cope with the numbers. 

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on July 29, 2013, 09:16:26 pm
I didn't need to do an interview.  I went in, filled out the form, paid my money, they took a picture, then sent me home.  Within a week my passport arrived in the mail.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on July 29, 2013, 10:04:16 pm
I am most likely wrong about the three month wait.  I haven't come across that again.  Not sure where I saw it.

My passport application is being done at the post office,  I don't think it is as much an interview as just a chance to check all of my paperwork.  I hope getting the passport only takes a week.  IG - did you pay to have it expedited?

And where did you go to get your Chinese visa?  My neighbor said that he had to go to the Chinese Consulate in NY.  That's not too far away but if there are other options I am all ears...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Vince G on July 29, 2013, 11:14:53 pm
Yes Jim, if your submitting it at the post office (or anywhere else) it's not actually an interview but more of making positive ID match. Much like getting a drivers lic. minus the test. You can bring your own photo as long as it meets the requirements (size mostly). As for the Chinese visa, it goes by region. If your near NY most likely that is where you go.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on July 30, 2013, 12:09:13 am
http://www.visarite.com/China_visa.htm (http://www.visarite.com/China_visa.htm)

I just got finished getting another VISA about an hour ago. It took about 15 minutes to fill out all the forms.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: LP on July 30, 2013, 12:32:18 am
http://www.visarite.com/China_visa.htm (http://www.visarite.com/China_visa.htm)

I just got finished getting another VISA about an hour ago. It took about 15 minutes to fill out all the forms.

    you meant you fill out the forms or you did the form for the visa and got visa  back in an hour?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on July 30, 2013, 01:24:39 am
I filled out the forms and got them ready to mail. I will FEDEX them in the morning and should have my passport with Chinese VISA back in less than two weeks.  You can pay extra for express service and get them back in 3 days but I am not in a rush this time.

VISA + service fees + postage is 229 USD
Title: Re: My search
Post by: LP on July 30, 2013, 01:29:42 am
Garry,when do you leave?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on July 30, 2013, 01:57:14 am
I don't have my tickets yet but about September 5-8
Heading to Guangzhou.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on July 30, 2013, 02:39:18 am
I don't have my tickets yet but about September 5-8
Heading to Guangzhou.

Damn, wish I could go with you  ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on July 30, 2013, 12:40:47 pm
I didn't need to do an interview.  I went in, filled out the form, paid my money, they took a picture, then sent me home.  Within a week my passport arrived in the mail.

same here!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on July 30, 2013, 08:38:21 pm
Hey  Mike...(or anyone else who has done it)

When you used the service how much did it cost?  I was just thinking that if I have to go to NYC then I would have to take two separate days off, train tickets, etc. etc. 

A service might be a good idea then.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on July 30, 2013, 09:09:33 pm
I paid $245 using visarite (http://www.visarite.com/China_Tourist_Visa.htm#.UfhlI-H8l2M (http://www.visarite.com/China_Tourist_Visa.htm#.UfhlI-H8l2M))
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 30, 2013, 09:30:41 pm
And we complain in the UK about the price of a passport going up to £90.00 doing it by post!!!  That's about 150 US$.

I do hear that passports are harder to obtain in the US because if you have certain convictions they will not issue one. Is that correct?

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on July 30, 2013, 09:36:38 pm
And we complain in the UK about the price of a passport going up to £90.00 doing it by post!!!  That's about 150 US$.

I do hear that passports are harder to obtain in the US because if you have certain convictions they will not issue one. Is that correct?

Willy

$245 for the visa to China through the mail.  $100 is what I paid for the passport.

As for the difficulty getting a passport or visa, I don't know, since my record is clean.  Maybe some of the less savory characters here can help with that  :P
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on July 30, 2013, 09:50:18 pm
Really?   

This is from the site you posted IG...


 4Travel Evidence or Invitation Letter
One of the following documents is required depending purpose of visit:

    Photocopy of round-trip airline ticket AND hotel reservation; OR
    Invitation Letter for Tourist Group issued by a Duly Authorized Tourism Unit; OR
    Private Invitation Letter by individuals. If the invitation is issued by an individual, a photocopy of that person's Chinese ID is required. If the inviter is not a Chinese citizen, a photocopy of the inviter's passport together with a photocopy of inviter's China residence permit is required.

If your travel purpose is visiting family or friends, you should use private invitation option. The Private invitation letter sent by individuals in China must include the following items:

    Personal information of the application: name, gender, date of birth, passport number, etc.
    Information concerning the applicant's visit to China: purpose of the visit, date of arrival and leaving, places to visit, relationship between the applicant and the inviter, and who will bear the cost of the applicant's accommodations in China.
    Information of the inviter: name of the individual, phone number, address and signature of the inviter.


I guess I could have "Y" do this.  There are just so many hoops to jump through.  They are not going to make this easy are they?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on July 30, 2013, 10:12:04 pm
Hey captain it is easy.  There are a lot of "or"'s in that water.  Get your lovely lady to send you can invitation along with a copy of her passport.  Have her choose a hotel for the first night and list that one.  They know it will likely change.  I didn't have photo copies of the airplane tickets, just dates I wanted to travel.

It is easy unless there have been a few scallywags as occupational references or the Black Pearl is listed on your resume.

 
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on July 30, 2013, 11:42:46 pm
Jim when you apply for the visa.Just send them a copy of your hotel reservation.and a copy of your flight itinerary.Mark tourist on your application.I use a visa service.It doesn't matter which visa service you use they are all about the same.With the same price.It does pay sometimes to shop around.You mite save twenty to thirty dollars.After a couple of trips.You will probably have your favorite visa place picked out.

If you don't get into any trouble in China.After you have ben there a couple of times.It gets easier and easier to get a visa.I've got so many expired Chinese visas in my passport.I had to have pages added to my passport.

Willy yes the U.S. government can and will deny you a passport if you have ever ben convicted of a felony.Depending on what kind of a felony you have ben convicted of.At the state level.They can and do revoke your passport.For just about any offense.Unpaid fines.Unpaid child support.They can and do revoke your drivers license for unpaid child support.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 31, 2013, 12:50:06 am
Thanks Maxx. Maybe a good thing. A friend of mine here was expecting an American to come visit her. He  cancelled out because he said he could not get a passport as he had a drug conviction. 

Just as well as I could imagine what problems that he could hold for her as she is head doctor in charge of a hospital pharmacy.

Willy

Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on July 31, 2013, 02:31:53 am
Willy your probably right.with a drug conviction.That guy is more trouble then what he's worth.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on July 31, 2013, 07:15:13 am
Jim,

Lisa has connections, so she was able to get me a very cheap rate at a nice nearby hotel.  She made the reservation, had the hotel send her an email confirming the reservation in my name with my passport number on it, then sent it to me.  I used priceline for the tickets, so I printed out the reservation form she sent me and the confirmation from priceline of my airline tickets WITH THE PRICE I paid for them, to verify they were already paid for.

It worked out fine.  The funny part is, Lisa found a nice hotel with a better price (I love the frugality of Chinese women!!) and I stayed there instead, so I didn't even stay where I said I would when I got the visa.  In China, you don't have to prepay or give credit card information or anything like that to hold a room.  Just make a reservation and get some confirmation, and either photocopy your plane tickets or print out your itinerary showing you paid for the tickets.  That's all you have to do.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 01, 2013, 11:08:03 am
Thanks for all of the input.  I am going to get my passport today.  I think I will pay to have it expedited.  The extra money will be worth the peace of mind of having it in my hands and being able to move forward.

On another subject - I hate to be caught unprepared...  I know the question of marriage will come up.  I have no problem with that...

But - I have a preconceived notion that the best way to do that is to get her a K1 fiancee visa and to have her come to the US to be with me.  Then we have 90 days to get married here in the US.

Obstacles as I see them?   

1)  This is a big risk for her.
2)  She has a daughter who is only 7.  Her daughter's needs have to be considered.  On that  note she is close with her sister and I know the daughter spends time with her.


My concerns?

1)  I have read that the processing time can be much shorter for Fiancee K1 visas than for Chinese bride visas.   This matters to me.

2)  Also having more time to truly get to know each other face to face means a lot to me.

3)  I HATE big weddings.  I do not like feeling out of control.  I may be projecting but it just seems like a Chinese wedding might be a big to do.  A marriage here would be small - maybe just my two grown kids involved as witnesses.  Once the official deal is done I would have no problem with doing something on a grander scale back in China if her family wanted it.

On the other hand - Mei - that is her name guys, no more "Y?-  is 41 and has two girls.  The oldest is out of the house.  I don't see her "needing" a big wedding.

We haven't talked about any of this yet - I just want to be prepared when we do talk about it.

It's obvious that I want to meet her first and if we hit it off "in reality" then I want her to come to the US on a K1 fiancee visa.  I would hope that her daughter could stay with Mei's sister until such a time as we would be married.

I have no intention of dragging this out.  I am sure within a month of her arriving here that we would be getting married.  I see no point in waiting until the last minute.

I just want to hear everyone's opinion about this.  I am sure each has gone about it in a different way and that there are many opinions.  I haven't been right yet on any of this and I know I have my opinions about what I want - I just want to know if I am dealing in reality and if I am considering everything I need to consider.

Thanks for all of your help....
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on August 01, 2013, 05:21:24 pm
Although I haven't walked the talk yet myself, as they say when you marry the girl you marry the family. Hence, I would think it VERY important to include as much family as possible in all aspects of the marriage.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Chad on August 01, 2013, 06:04:46 pm
JustJim
Something to make sure you give it some thought is the "affidavit of support" form I-864 you will have to sign if you get married in China and get a spouse visa. If she comes here as your fiancee you do not have to sign this form, that part doesn't make any sense to me, but. We always assume things will work out but sometimes they don't. Please go to the USCIS website to look at this form. It is very scary to read. It basically says that no matter what happens once your wife gets here you are responsible for her financial support. It is impossible to get out of this form. I know you are saying, well it will never come into play since my wife will never leave me. I hope that is true, but even if you were to get a divorce and if she applied for any kind of government aid you will be responsible to pay that. The affidavit of support is a contract between you and the federal government. Not a contract between you and your wife. At least if you read the about the form you can make that decision. The contract can be broken but only by yours or her death, or she works for ten years in USA or if she leaves the country. It is not broken by divorce. I wish you the best of luck.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on August 01, 2013, 06:58:31 pm
Jim are you following The Irish guys thread.If not you probably need to get caught up on it.Your post misses a important part of this relationship.What doe's the lady want? She probably wants to have a wedding party in China.They are usually a big to do in China.With every hungry relative withen a 100 miles.It usually comes along with allot of tradition and ceremonies.look at spending between 2,00 and 4,000 on this little party.The reason that your lady may want to have a party in China.Is to give you a chance to show her and her family some face.And for her family and friends and hungry relatives a chance to show you some face.

As far as Waite time on the different visa's it 's all about the same time frame anymore.Say six months to a year.Is about the average wait time.It all depends on what service center the application is sent to.If you don't hit a bump in the road.If you do have problems.Then there is no telling how long this could take.

No matter what any bar stool philosopher tells you.Hire a good immigration attorney.The 2,000 that you spend on a attorney.Is well worth the grief you will save you and your lady down the rd.If you are not ex military.With 20 years of faithful service.Or related to some bigwig in the government.Then you will defiantly need a lawyer.Isn't that right guys?You know who I'm talking to.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Robertt S on August 01, 2013, 08:31:50 pm
The K-1 is about the most expensive route and requires loads of evidence for verification of the relationship. The K-1 does not require an I-864, but an I-864 is required for the adjustment of status that will follow after the marriage. You will be required to complete an I-134 for the K-1 visa process initially. I personally think the K-1 is just as hard as the visitors visa due to the fact that the immigrant is looked at the same way for both visas! The interviewer has to decide if the woman has strong ties to China that will ensure she returns before her visitor's visa expires and basically has to make the same decision concerning whether this unmarried Chinese woman who is willing to travel overseas to marry an American has strong enough ties to China to ensure she will not just disappear during the 90 day validity period of her visa once she reaches the USA and return to China before the visa expires if the marriage is called off! You also have to keep in mind what others have stated previously about the family in China and them being part of the ceremony is some form or fashion.  Good Luck, Robert


Marriage Based Visa Comparison Table
Visa Type Marital Status Approximate Time to get Visa Requires Adjustment of Status (http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/Adjustment_of_Status)? Requires EAD (http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/Employment_Authorization_Document) to Work (with valid Visa and before AOS approved)? Requires AP (http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/Advance_Parole) to Travel Outside the US (with valid Visa and before AOS approved)? Approximate Total Time to become Legal Permanent Resident (http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/Permanent_Resident) Approximate Total Cost (USCIS Petition, Visa, AOS if required) Extra Notes
K-1 (http://www.visajourney.com/content/compare#k1) Engaged 9 Months (http://www.visajourney.com/content/k1historical) Yes Yes Yes 12.5 Months (http://www.visajourney.com/timeline/aosstats.php) USD $1650 Must be married within 90 days of entry. AOS must be filed in order to gain Legal Permanent Resident status. Failure to file AOS before I-94 expires accrues out-of-status days.
K-3 (http://www.visajourney.com/content/compare#k3) Married 9.5 Months (http://www.visajourney.com/content/k3historical) Yes Yes No 13 Months (http://www.visajourney.com/timeline/aosstats.php) USD $1705 After entering the US, may file for AOS within two years or instead wait for I-130 to be approved and pursue IR-1 / CR-1 Visa.
IR-1 / CR-1 (http://www.visajourney.com/content/compare#ircr1) Married 11 Months (http://www.visajourney.com/content/ir1cr1historical) No No (see note) No (see note) 11 Months USD $903 Visa holder automatically becomes a Legal Permanent Resident after entering the US. Can work and travel freely.
DCF (http://www.visajourney.com/content/compare#dcf)
(IR-1 / CR-1)
Married 3 Months No No (see note) No (see note) 3 Months USD $945 US consulates typically only do this for US citizens who live overseas. DCF results in a IR-1 / CR-1 Visa.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on August 01, 2013, 09:22:07 pm
 >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

They don't have the smiley face I really want. Maxx
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 01, 2013, 09:25:09 pm
thanks everybody for the input - excuse me while my brain explodes....

Okay - that's better.  Maxx - Which thread of IrishGuy65 do you think I should be following?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 01, 2013, 09:25:23 pm
Well then Jim.

You have many bridges to cross the most important is that first week together face to face.  It matters not how often you talk on video links or by any other method it is that all important first week that will be the decision time.  If one or both of you have any qualms that is the time it will surface.

Many have come on here with that ' I have it all worked out' strategy but alas it never turns out so simple as it looks on paper.  The vast majority have come and gone and we know not whether they were successful or otherwise, I suspect that things may not have turned out as well as they anticipated.

I am not American and I have no intention of taking my wife to live in any other country other than China and I can only guage my opinion having listened to and read the input from others on here over the past four years.

I really hope that your applications have an earlier completion and you can come back on here and give hope to others who try to go for it the same route as you.   But such updates are not usually  forthcoming.

But as Maxx says it is going to need money, not only for the first trip but also for other trips and that important immigration lawyer.   I am not sure what the US authorities will say by a person making one trip to China and then applying for fiance visa.  After all the Chinese are top of the hit list of any Immigration department in the Western World alongside Central Africans.

Your enthusiasm does you proud.  I hope realism will not be so hard to take.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JohnB on August 01, 2013, 10:03:56 pm
I think for the uninitiated just getting their feet wet, all this legalize kind of numbs the senses. If you go with this cloud of legal confusion hanging over your head, you will not be the same guy Mei has come to like/ to know. The best approach is the simple one. Just go to China and enjoy your time with your woman..
If things work well with Mei, then take the next step in preparing for your future with her. Together make your grand plan.

For most members here, the original question has been always, “is she for real?” ChnLove is a money making machine at the expense of the ill informed...most often, the initial moment that your eyes meets hers can be best described as a ”Twilight Zone” adventure. All your good intentions, your money, all those beautiful well crafted letters down the shitter. The best feeling maybe is “next time”.
Personally, it took me a few visits to figure out my scheme for success. My 4th visit I met my wife Jing.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on August 01, 2013, 11:39:52 pm
Jim I'm sorry.I thought I posted something to Irish guy that I thought you should read.I actually posted it to you.It was about face.Face is going to play a huge roll in your relationship with your lady.Your understanding of face and how your lady perceives face.Will make or break your relationship.

Willy brings up a couple of good points.This is all just a warm up.For the big adventure.Until your on the ground in China.And see that you and the lady are a good fit.Then it gets series real fast.And like Willy Said.To even have a good chance of getting her a visa.You are going to have.To make more then one trip to China.

Mike also brings up a good point.This is a two way street.You and the lady.Will have to work this all out.And because she has her own cultures and customs.It can be tough to work out the differences.It does take a cool head.and the patience of a chess player.To make  this kind of relationship work.

I wish you the best of luck.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 02, 2013, 12:53:24 pm
I appreciate everyone's input - and yes Willy. I will keep everyone updated as to how things go.  Either good or bad.

You are all correct in that I have to consider Mei's concerns also.  If I give you any information about her it will not be to try to explain why I think she is the "one."  That is too complicated, and really all my decision.  But I do want to give you some information so that you can understand what her concerns are.

Simply put - she has to change her whole life to come here.  She is middle class, has a job, owns a condo outright, has a car and has a 7 year old daughter living with her.  What she does not have is love - and she has a friend who married a westerner and moved to the US.

So she sees this as a great opportunity to find love -  we talked about this this morning - but she is not going to drop everything to move to the US on the chance that I might marry her.  She said, quite unequivocally, that she would only move to the US if we are married.

I completely understand her feelings about that, and I think she is being quite practical. 

Continuing on that practical note - she said that she does not want a big wedding.  She just wants the legal ceremony.  This is good news to me, and levels the playing field as to where we get married.  I will still give consideration to what her family wants but I think face might not be such a concern.

My only issue right now is that she feels that we can get married when I come to meet her...    is this an Eastern way of thinking?  I have chatted with a few Chinese women - some on an acquaintance basis - and they all seem to have this same way of thinking...

"Oh, you just met someone?  Do you love her?  Are you going to marry her?"

 I don't mean to make fun - but in our western commitment phobic way of thinking this is like the out of control downhill train...

So...  am I going to marry her within a week of meeting her?   The idea sounds impossible...    Willy - you're right.  Nothing is the same as actually being with someone.

The only thing I will say is that I feel like she is being sincere with me.   Again, I am not going to try to justify my choices to anyone, but so far there have been no alarms going off in my head...


Anyway, I feel a little like a fish out of water...  or maybe caught in a blender....   I don't know. 

Still I look forward everyday to chatting with her.  Oh well, a day at a time...

About the passport - I applied at the post office, and the clerk was very helpful.  I applied for the 28 page book and the card ( in case I just wanted to go to Canada) and I paid to have it expedited just for my own reassurance.  Total cost $225 and I should have it by the end of next week.  It felt really strange to have to hand over my real birth certificate to someone else.

When I get the passport I will then use a service to get the Chinese visa.  I could go to NYC but taking time off from work would make it cost  more than using the service, so that is academic.

I really appreciate everyone's advice.  You are all very helpful...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on August 02, 2013, 06:25:38 pm
Jim yes that is a common practice in China.The relationship moves along at a quick pace.It all goes back to traditions and customs.Myself and some of the other forum members. Believe this is not a good idea.To get married on the first trip.If you and the lady get along well together.You can get engaged to be married.On the first trip.Then do the ceremony on the second trip.It gives you and her a chance to feel each other out.And make sure that you are compatible together.

We have had members marry on the first trip.It has never ended well.With the different custom and culture issues.It makes it to tough.To work it all out

Here is a good example.Of how it usually goes with the guy.The man says that he will take care of his new wife financially.While she is still in China.New wife says that is great.I need money for the kids school.I need money for a new TV.I need money for a new computer.The man says ok.And then he comes up a little short one month.So the fight escalates.Till it is totally out of hand.Then it crashes and burns.

How to stop this from happening.Never promise a Chinese woman.Anything that you can't afford.Or are not willing to do.

How Doe's this even get started in the first place.The woman is telling all her friends.That she has a foreign boyfriend/husband.She has told said friends that the boyfriend is very rich.And that he knows how to treat his wife.So the first time the boyfriend/husband falls on his face.And doesn't deliver the goods.That the boyfriend said he would deliver.To the girlfriend or wife.She Has lost face with her friends and family.It says that she has made a bad choice in a husband or boyfriend.

The way I think it needs done is write the letters.Do the QQ,Skype thing.Make the trip.If you and the lady hit it off.Propose to her.Make plans to marry on the next trip.( you are going to need a pile of paperwork to get married in China) So this gives you a chance to get everything worked out here.Make the second trip get married.Then file the papers for her visa.Between trips to China.You are working on paperwork.And skypeing or QQ her everyday.By the time you are threw with the visa.You and the new wife will have a much better Idea about each other.And you won't feel like a fish in a blender.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on August 02, 2013, 07:10:49 pm

We have had members marry on the first trip.It has **never** ended well.With the different custom and culture issues.It makes it to tough.To work it all out

Now ..now Maxx, never say never! There is always that 2%.....
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on August 02, 2013, 08:25:39 pm
and the card ( in case I just wanted to go to Canada)

Why wouldnt you want to come to Canada??? I am surprised that everyone doesnt have a passport just for this occasion.

I am one of those that Maxx was talking about. I got married on my first trip over. Succesfully married, succesfully brought to Canada, and succesfully divorced a very short time after. Everything always looks good in theory, but reality is something very different.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 02, 2013, 10:43:53 pm
Chinese women on the whole marry for security when it comes to foreigners.  Love often comes second but it comes then what a second that is. 

I was fortunate in that I was able to come to China for 6 weeks and with a week I had established a base and had rented an apartment.  I was in a position where I did not have to converse by any other mean than face to face.  I was able to meet and build a relationship with my now wife over several months before we finally married.

Long distance romances are very difficult that is something you will have to adjust to.  Your first thought of your lady going to the USA on a fiance visa has now gone by the board. She will only marry you in China before leaving.  That means that like others you need to be prepared for anything up to two years for her to obtain a visa to join you in the USA.  A large percentage from the USA on this forum have gone that way and there will be lots of advice along the way.

As Maxx said, think twice about getting married on your first trip. The record for those rushing from plane to marriage office is not very good.

The most important thing is do not tell a Chinese lady that you have more than you have, Do not exaggerate your wealth , your job prospects, your home prospects. If  you live in rented accommodation then do not say you own it. ( I have met men here who have told women they have thousands in there pocket when they have just a few dollars there). The women want you to be honest with them.

They find out later that your lied or your job is not as secure as you say then you could join the list of failed relationships.

On other thing.  I believe that when you came on here  first I seem to recall you mentioned they were with an agency. If that is the case have you discussed with her any possible payment to the agency of any success fee?

Willy



Title: Re: My search
Post by: Rhonald on August 03, 2013, 12:05:15 pm

The most important thing is do not tell a Chinese lady that you have more than you have, Do not exaggerate your wealth , your job prospects, your home prospects. If  you live in rented accommodation then do not say you own it...... The women want you to be honest with them.

Willy

And even being Honest with them is not totally fail safe. A common mentality of many Chinese on the weakness of being Honest has to be accounted for. My coworker, 60 years old from main land China, has been living here for 5 years, mentioned how it took him 3 years to understand the Western concept on Honesty compared to his Chinese view.

During my 6 months writting to my wife I was open with how my finaces were, and the state of dealing with the house I lived in when it came time to resolve my divorce to my 1st wife. Once married and my subsequent trips I explained how things stood. For 3 years sending money monthly & taking a couple of trips every year, my debt increased and all was explained.

Once she came here, we have had a couple of times were money and other issues have come up. Her typical response when confronted with my answer is, " No believing you."

If TRUST is an issue, then I feel marriage is on shaky ground. Thus feeling hurt, I would talk with my Chinese coworker for him to help mediate. He told me that the Chinese view is that you never tell the whole truth. It is almost like playing poker were bluff is part of the game. He also mentioned that for the Chinese to tell someone that they do not believe them (ie: lying) is not as big of an issue as we would view it.For them - everyone lies sometimes, so why the big deal. Just as common as they are in telling someone - you are fat, they will also say - I no believing you.

Maybe this mentality comes part and parcel with a bargaining society where no price is fixed and no revelled truth is what is claimed as. It would be intersting to here what other long time married members have experienced in this. At least it allows me to better understand my wife, doesn't make it easy, but at least I don't jump the gun too early when I am told she does not believe me.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: David E on August 03, 2013, 07:10:59 pm
Gee Ron...

I think it would take 10 pages just to scratch the surface of the relationship between truth and fiction and face when it comes to the Chinese Cultural makeup...!!

My take on it...and it is ONLY my opinion, gleaned from nearly 3 years of marriage and from watching and participating in the interactions of Ming and her friends and aquaintances.

Truth to my Wife is an elastic commodity...it can stretch and shrink at will, dependant on the situation. Most importantly, the absolute, honest truth MUST be avoided at all times where there is an issue of "face" involved.

After all, once you have spoken the truth on an issue, you have nowhere to go...in her mind she then is trapped forever and cannot escape any consquences of that truth if ultimately it leads to a loss of face.

I am convinced that much of what she says and hears from all around with her Chinese mates is the constant weaving of partial truths into normal reality, without exposing herself...and everybody else is playing the same game, so nobody gets upset !!!

Contrast this with the "Western" model where truth is a recognised and important commodity and there you have a potential for Cultural conflict. I used to get infuriated by this apparent inability of Chinese people to actually tell things in black or white...not infinite shades of grey. But then I slowly got to understand that it is simply their way of trying to get by with a version of the truth that leaves them the ability to preserve face whatever happens down the line. This is normal for them and from Ming's perspective she was always puzzled whrn I challenged her on the "half-truths" that get bandied around her circle of friends...and occasionally with me...

Of course, there are some things that cannot be supported in a downright lie...as was mentioned by Willy...to tell an abolute lie about your income/assets/prospects will eventually lead to her finding out about it (inevitable) and thus lead to a loss of face on your part (terminal).  Husbands can NEVER lose face....she will move Heaven and Earth to avoid this outcome...but if you are stupid enough to put your head in that noose of deception, it wont only be an arguement that results when you are exposed (as it would be in a more conventional Western relationship), it will be a real disaster when her Husband loses face by being found out in a whopping lie to her...because she in turn will lose face with her family/friends/aquaintances when they find out about it....because she will have passed many versions of the facts about you on to all these people....thats what gave her the face in the first place...and now you have taken it away with the lies....everybody loses........watch out !!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on August 04, 2013, 01:42:41 am
David E , I concur with your brief  ;D summary of the rules to play with , as I think most will agree what is to be done tomorrow can change right up until the 12 th hour whether it be girlfriend or wife , how boring it would be to actually plan and do something on the planned day ha ha , but if one goes with the flow it means happy wife = happy life , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on August 04, 2013, 04:16:55 am
David E, I love what you wrote. I hope everyone will read this, to show just one of many different ways that culturally, we are very different from those we intend to marry. It takes a lot of patience and understanding from both sides to make a marriage work.

From my personal experience, there were little white lies, and then bigger lies. What disturbed me, was the ease to which lying happened. Maybe it was to save face, but in my opinion, when I know that she was lying to me, didn't this take face away from her?  Maybe she thought she was saving face, but to me, it looked sneaky, deceptive, and showed little regard for me and what I thought. Or maybe, I shouldn't even say anything, because maybe my situation was more unique.

Anyways, while I do get what you are saying, the Chinese woman should also be realizing that lying is not always a great practice, and while we, the western men are trying to accept things like this as part of her culture, she should also be trying to learn that it is not a part of ours.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: David E on August 04, 2013, 06:26:59 pm
Now...The other side of that coin !!!!.....

In trying to understand how the "average" Chinese mind works via my observation of Ming/freinds/family etc on the issue of Truth, I cannot say I was or am really comfortable with the undercurrent of deception that her Culture promotes.

We have had several stormy debates on the issue of truth, and I am slowly making headway with getting her to change. I feel that this change in her is important and necessary....not only for my sake, but to ensure that SHE makes some changes that will better fit the Western or "Aussie" model...it makes for an easier life for all !!! After all, she has chosen to live here with me and she has to make some Cultural changes as I and the rest of us have had to make in trying to assist her integration. I was not happy to simply have a Chinese wife who totally retained all of her Chinese characteristics whilst those around her had to change their attitudes and perceptions...thats not equitable or reasonable.

However, teaching Chinese people about compromise, changing and adoption of different mindsets is not an easy job !!! They are a very intractable bunch and we see all around us in Perth the results of that intractability....enclaves of Chinese people who wont/dont want to integrate fully into Aussie society. And that aint good....

Most of Mings friends dont like/have NOT tried Western food and yet they say it is awful.. They dont like/have not tried to make Western friends and yet openly criticise Western ways of dealing with life...especially truth and money !!!

I have made it clear to Ming that being married to me, and living in Aus is a 2 way Street....I will go out of my way at all times to help her integrate and enjoy her life here, but I wont tolerate her simply remaining as a Chinese person who happens to live in Perth.

At least I can speak with some authority on this subject, because there are many Brit migrants here who will never integrate, they simply are British people who live in Perth...I am a British Migrant and I did not wish to forever live outside of the real Aussie Culture...so I changed...and so can she !!!

We will see.... :-\ :-\ :-\
Title: Re: My search
Post by: David E on August 04, 2013, 06:38:14 pm
Martin

If I can make an attempt to answer your specific question about lying...here is my take on it.

If your wife tells you a little/middle/big lie, she will do it to either put you off the trail of the real issue (deception), hope the lie answers your question without rocking the boat (rationalisation), tells a lie to shut you up (contempt) or tells a lie because she dare not tell the truth (fear of consequence)

Whatever the situation she is safe UNTIL she is found out. This is where loss of face gets serious. But she is able to recover from this situation by yet further lies...and so it goes on and on. Until the whole package gets to the "blow-up-in-your-face" mode then the charade can continue. Once it gets to massive confrontation, face is blasted and often it is a terminal outcome

get my drift ???

Cheers...David
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on August 04, 2013, 07:40:55 pm
It seems to me that I will have two approaches if this is the case with most Chinese women.
 "Yes dear" or "haha, that's a good one!" Maybe even..."you're so cute when you fib".
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 04, 2013, 09:08:44 pm

At least I can speak with some authority on this subject, because there are many Brit migrants here who will never integrate, they simply are British people who live in Perth...I am a British Migrant and I did not wish to forever live outside of the real Aussie Culture...so I changed...and so can she !!!

We will see.... :-\ :-\ :-\

I think I must get to Perth to see this.

David E running around with corks dangling from his hat. Blowing on his 'didjery do' all day and maybe hunting the odd crocodile. ;D ;D ;D

But even my imagination cannot get round him 'Waltzing Matilda' and watching his 'Billy Bong Boil'. ;D

Willy

Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on August 04, 2013, 09:38:09 pm
I guess I had better step into this.As far as I know.My wife has never lied to me.She is straight up about anything and everything.She is not afraid to say what is on her mind.Even if somebodies feelings are going to get hurt.When we First got together.She wouldn't tell me the whole story.But that changed withen a couple of months.

I've watched my wife around other Chinese people here in the states.It takes her awhile to make friends.She has to talk to other Chinese for months before.They know anything about her.Or her family.

When me and my wife started this thing.She would be talking to another Chinese person.And they would start off telling her.How bad I was going to treat her.It happened on a train in China.The airport in San Fransisco.And a Chinese restaurant in NM.When none of the bad things these people said would happen.She started distancing herself from them.So that maybe why.She never tells me lies.And why she is so closed off to other Chinese.

I know 2 Chinese woman.That own different Chinese restaurants.They are both married to Chinese men.And both have kids.The restaurant owner in bloomfield NM.It took her about 3 weeks to talk to me.We go to her restraint every Saturday.The first time we walked into the restaurant.The owner came to the table.And started talking to my wife.They talk and giggle all the time.The other women and her husband own a restaurant in Albuquerque NM.It took her 5 years.To talk to me without saying something nasty.Now she acts like my best friend.We go to Albuquerque about once a month.

So in short I think it is just a integration thing.My wife doesn't see me act like a Chinese guy.So she doesn't act like a Chinese woman.And since I have proved to her so called friends here in the states.And in China.That I don't act like a Chinese person.They don't have anything bad to say anymore.

Just my 2 cents on this.I've never experienced it.So I mite be in left field on this.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: David E on August 05, 2013, 12:43:05 am
Yep...saw that one coming William !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can tell the dyed-in-the-wool Poms here quite easily, they walk around in brown leather sandals with socks......and continually complain about the quality of the fish and chips...and how awful it is that they cant get a pint of warm bitter.... and that everything in UK is better than Aus.

Why the Hell they stay I dont know, maybe its the endless sunshine, $3000 per week wages, blue skies and white beaches...but I wouldnt know about that.

I just did not want to be in that club, so I don my cork hat, blow on the old didgeridoo and what I do with my Bong is none of your business,,, ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on August 05, 2013, 09:54:01 am
Willy , the trick in Perth is to walk around with a spade in your hand , in the countryside [ you have to drive about 20 km ] dig a hole and retire on your findings , could be oil , gas , gold , iron ore ,uranium , diamonds or if you are really lucky sand , we have all the water on the East side ha ha .

David E , me tinks that Sujuan and Ming are both workaholics , whilst we try to relax and wait for the next surprise , regards Robert .
Title: Re: My search
Post by: David E on August 05, 2013, 06:44:13 pm
Yes Robert, it is a real problem for us here. I have stopped bushwalking a long time ago...I was fed up with stubbing my toe on those pesky gold nuggets lying around.

And if the nuggets dont get you, the Red-backs, Huntsmans, Fire ants, Snakes, Scorpions and crazed Poms in sandals will  ;D ;D ;D

However, bit difficult to get excited about gold nuggets and diamonds when you are dying of thirst.
Typically, you Eastern Staters pinched all our water and grow fat on our Mining Royalties....come the revolution !!!!!!

Cheers...David AKA Sandgroper.,
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 05, 2013, 09:17:05 pm
Getting back to the subject at hand.....   my search..... :D

I am making tentative plans to go to China.  I am thinking that two weeks is too long and that one week is not long enough and that ten days doesn't work because I won't be able to fly in and out on the cheap days....Tues, Wed, Thurs...

I have come up with Tues Sept 24 and then returning on Thursday Oct 3.  My flight in will arrive Thursday morning and then next week it will leave Thursday evening.  That gives me an actual week in China.

That also means two weeks off from work.  Any longer in China and I will have to take more time off. 

One whole week seems like enough.  Any thoughts?   My idea is that if everything goes well I will try to get back as soon as possible.  Trying to accomplish everything in two weeks just doesn't seem like it will happen.

I have more questions...like how much money I should have for a week long stay?  I do not plan on doing any shopping.  That's not me.  I am sure that I will attempt to treat someone to dinner - whether or not they will let me is another subject.  Your thoughts?

Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on August 05, 2013, 09:23:07 pm
My first trip was 10 days.  It still doesn't seek like it was long enough.  It was from April 1 arriving in China April 2 and returning April 11. It really was only a taste of things to come. (don't take what I am saying wrong.)  I returned June 9 for one month.  It gave me several weeks to think about things and then to make a commitment to her.  It worked well for me.  I really don't think one week is enough.  But then again you are not me.  Good thing huh!!!!!  :P
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 05, 2013, 09:39:39 pm
I planned my first trip for six weeks.  I would not have made that journey to spend just seven days in China. But as Shaun said we are not you.

When you meet your lady she is going to want you to meet so many people in those few days that your head will be in a whirl at times.  I know on the first day if was dinner with 6  close family members. Next day it was China Tea with four more then it was dinner again with half a dozen aunts uncles and cousins and the next day we visited more uncles and aunts.  Then there was more meals with her friends etc etc.

That first week soon went by and although by then I had decided that the one I went to meet was not the one for me, I had already fallen in love with China.

So maybe I will say that a week is not enough for anyone who starts this journey.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on August 05, 2013, 10:22:45 pm
I planned my first trip for six weeks.  I would not have made that journey to spend just seven days in China. But as Shaun said we are not you.

When you meet your lady she is going to want you to meet so many people in those few days that your head will be in a whirl at times.  I know on the first day if was dinner with 6  close family members. Next day it was China Tea with four more then it was dinner again with half a dozen aunts uncles and cousins and the next day we visited more uncles and aunts.  Then there was more meals with her friends etc etc.

That first week soon went by and although by then I had decided that the one I went to meet was not the one for me, I had already fallen in love with China.

So maybe I will say that a week is not enough for anyone who starts this journey.

Willy

I agree with Willy.  One week is not enough.  Two was not enough for me, to be honest.  So many people to meet, so many things to do, and not enough time with the girl you are there to see.  You need time for meeting everyone, you need time for doing things, and you need time with your lady to get to know each other.  In one week, you may have half a day at most with her... that's just not enough time.  I went on a mini vacation for one of my two weeks there just to be away and alone with her so we could get to know each other... and it still just wasn't enough.   There are so many differences you have to learn about and work on, and so many things to learn about each other.  If I were to do it again, I would find a way to make the trip a month long trip.  And I would also try to get back to China within 4 months or so.

As for falling in love with China, well... to each their own.  I hated some things in China, loved some things, and the rest were... meh.  I wouldn't want to live in China, the healthcare is terrible, driving would make me crazy, and people on the busy streets of the cities are generally quite rude.  Add the pollution, bad water, and other things... and you realize we have it pretty good in the West. 
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on August 06, 2013, 12:27:16 am
My first trip, I went for a month.  If I had to repeat that first trip again, I would stay even longer.  Listen, I think there are things you are not factoring in.  I get what you are saying, about not wanting to take too much time off work, but in my opinion, 1 week is not nearly enough.  You are not factoring in jet lag, which will mess with your first couple of days there.  What if you really fall for your lady?  Will the remaining 6 days be enough for both you and her?  And if things fail miserably, will the remaining 6 days be enough to come up with plan B?  One other thought of mine, you are spending a lot of money on a plane ticket to only go for a week.  At the end of it all, its totally your choice.  You have to do what works for you.  We are only giving your our thoughts on the matter.

I just did not want to be in that club, so I don my cork hat, blow on the old didgeridoo and what I do with my Bong is none of your business,,, ;D ;D ;D

I am not sure that I am comfortable with where this conversation is going.   :P
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 06, 2013, 12:59:29 am
Only comment I make is why do we always expect the women to change their ways and become Westerners?   At my age I still wanted that last adventure and China gave me that.

Driving where I live is a piece of cake, the air is clear and good. The streets here are never crowded.    There is a modern large dentist practice right outside my complex with equipment I have never even seen in the Private clinics in the UK. Quality medical treatment is available a bus or ferry ride away in Hong Kong.   I have for four years used the tap water for cleaning my teeth and they have not fallen out yet!  It depends where you choose to live as to what quality of life you have!

Coming from North East London my quality of life has improved.  Where I live I am now one person in a foreign environment. In London over the years I become one person in a foreign environment! 


I just did not want to be in that club, so I don my cork hat, blow on the old didgeridoo and what I do with my Bong is none of your business,,, ;D ;D ;D

I am not sure that I am comfortable with where this conversation is going.   :P

Well as far as Oz is concerned - its gone down the pan with the 'Ashes'!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: john1964 on August 06, 2013, 02:15:59 am
I too think that 1 week is not long enough, I usually stay for a month and that is still too short of time to be there, as for money, take as much as you can, you can always bring it back, I usually take between $6,000-$10,000 and always come home with plenty, we shop a lot for clothes for the wife as we dont like the western fashion and accommodation is cheap too, our last trip we went for a month and my wife for 6 weeks, we took $6,000 and came home with about $1,200. John.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on August 06, 2013, 05:05:01 am
I agree with most that has been said , however first things first , as the usa is a fair sized area where are you thinking of flying out of, and in which area of China does your lady reside , with so many new routes opening up to China and return , keep your eyes open because some of the Chinese carriers do not always go onto the mainstream aircraft sites.
Most of China will be very comfortable weather during Sept/Oct unless you are up in a mountain area , flip another 7 days in to your schedule as you will soon run out of days with only 7 on the ground 2 meetings in 2 different cities takes me 5 days ha ha , China is a big place and unless you are used to big cities you are in for a surprise , IG65 can give you an idea re presents , good luck , regards Sujuan and Robert . 
Title: Re: My search
Post by: daghoi on August 06, 2013, 06:08:59 am

My first trip lastet for two weeks and then I went back 2-3 months later for three weeks. We are all different, but I'd try to stay for at least two weeks. There are so many things to do and see. Two weeks will also give you the chance to go away for a few days.

I loved it there.  I had family that attached ey to to my native country, so I had to leave my China plans. Glad i tried though.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 06, 2013, 09:03:18 am
I hear you guys - I am not going for long enough.

As it turns out she has vacation from Oct 1 to Oct 7.  She thinks that would be a good time so I am working around her schedule.

I am not sure what else to say.  I am sure China is a big and wonderful country with a whole lot to see...  but I am really just going to see her, right?  I am not being dismissive.  I am saying that I will be back in China again if we hit it off and there will be more time for sight seeing then.

I am probably being naive...   I know.   As it turns out I am going to lose most of three weeks of work anyways so I might as well extend the trip.  I am now up to 10 days in China.  I could add a few more.

I think she feels the same way about the two of us spending quality time together.  I will be sure to talk to her about it.

I seem to have found a regular flight in and out of the area I am going to and can book a round trip flight for under $1000.   This is good news for me.  I am not cheap but I like my money in my pockets, not someone else's.  And she suggested a very nice hotel for 348 yuan a night - that's about $57.   It is close to where she lives and I am not going to question her choice, that would be rude.  Someone else told me I could get a room for less, but at what cost would that be compared to just taking her advice on a room?

I will keep you posted on everything else as it comes up.  This site is such a good resource for me.  I do not know where I would be without all of your help and advice.   Thanks....
Title: Re: My search
Post by: David E on August 06, 2013, 06:09:12 pm

JustJim
Early on in my quest, I made several trips to China where it did not work out with the particular Woman I went to meet. Each trip was planned for 2 weeks. It was obvious to me within the first few days that these relationship would not work. So...should this unlikely situation eventuate for you it is wise to have a back up plan...either bolt for home, or take the time you have to explore alternative Ladies...this could be done through local Agencies or simply getting out and about and amongst the locals. It is amazing how much attention a Western Man apparently alone will attract.

I sure hope you dont find yourself in this situation, but keep it in your mind that nothing is cast in concrete at this stage.

ps...Willy

It is an ancient Australian Aboriginal Taboo to write or speak the name of persons/things that have died.

If you do, they will send the Kadaicha Man after you and he will breathe in your ear and turn your brain into sand, making you a Zombie.

As you have now committed the sin of writing about the Aus Test Cricket Team that died a long time ago, we have sent the Kadaicha Man to get you.

You can recognise him if you are careful, he is very black, tall and thin and wears slippers made from Emu feathers so you cant hear him coming for you...be warned   8) 8) 8)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 06, 2013, 09:36:09 pm

If you do, they will send the Kadaicha Man after you and he will breathe in your ear and turn your brain into sand, making you a Zombie.


Damn. I thought that was just tinitus that had come on overnight.   ;D ;D ;D 

Oh well I doubt if anyone will see anything different in me. ::)

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 07, 2013, 10:26:43 pm
Dave -  I appreciate what you have to say about things not being cast in concrete at this point.

Originally when I first started this thread I was talking to two ladies and thinking that I might try to keep both going.  Indirect advice from Willy and others led me to see that just having one was the best idea.  Anyway "X" didn't measure up and now I am only interested in getting to know Mei.

Anyways, if things go south after I get there then I will wing it from there.  I don't think it is good for me to go in with a plan B already in place.  I am not going to stress over it though.  I am trying to learn as much Chinese as I can between now and then.  It will help me communicate with her and her family and if I do decide to pursue a plan B then I have a better chance of winging it.  Like you, I hope it doesn't come to that.

Mike - thanks for the advice about the jet lag.  I think when the time comes I will try to preload for that.  Also I tend to keep odd sleep hours and often go on less than 5 hours of sleep so I think maybe I am used to being a little sleep deprived.  Maybe that will help me. :-\
I can see it now.... I will be walking around China like a zombie...  Damn that Kadaicha Man !!

I got my Pimsleur Learn Chinese cd's in the mail today.  Has anyone else tried their approach?  It sounds interesting. 
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 08, 2013, 07:10:14 am
I have tried every way to learn Chinese but I need discipline otherwise one day slips into two days missed then three then a week a month etc.  I have now found the best. A Chinese teacher comes to my home every weekday for one hour I have her contracted for twelve months at a time.

So ! cannot recommend any course that I have tried and given up on.

When you get here if things do not work out with the original lady the agency will be quick to fix you up with others!

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: AbovetheLAW on August 08, 2013, 04:43:11 pm
Rosetta Stone along with Youtube videos to fill in the gaps has worked wonders for me. I remember words now without even realizing it. Just the other day I told keshu I was hot and sleepy in chinese and she got very very very very excited and laugh. She said 'Wow! I have a chinese american boyfriend' Lol.

I honestly think if you put effort in everyday with any program it will work. I do 1 or 2 sections of Rosetta Stone every morning and they only take about 10 minutes each. Also there are a few Youtube teachers who are great. Im heading to China in about 2 weeks and I feel confident with my chinese. The word I made sure to remember was bathroom! Lol
Title: Re: My search
Post by: David E on August 08, 2013, 05:21:55 pm
Once again here is my PERSONAL take on learning Chinese.

First off, I was completely gung ho to learn the language and have fluent and stimulating conversations with my wife in her language...what a hero !!!!!!

I diligently got into Rosetta Stone Program and I also used another Software Course called "Tell Me More".

Chinese is a bloody difficult language to learn. I am good with languages and can get by well in French, German, Indonesian and Russian...(and of course, English  ;D ;D ;D)

My wife said to me one day early in our relationship that she would prefer we concentrate on her speaking English, and apart from some basic stuff, she advised that it would not be the best plan for me to try to learn fluent Chinese...apparently, Westerners make a complete balls up of the complexities of Chinese language and although the locals are too polite to laugh when you try to converse (dont want to take your face), they mostly are cringing inside at the mangling we give their language.

So I decided to perfect the use of a few key phrases..."I would like a cup of tea, or where is the nearest toilet, or you have a delightful pair of boobs  ;D ;D ;D ;D....you get the drift, just the odd important phrase, along with "please, thank you and stuff like that"

Of course, if you plan to live in China, then you have a different ball-game, and a different time frame from which to begin to learn "properly"

So now, Ming and I have an outcome that we find works for us....she learns fluent English from me, and I give her big face within herself and with her friends, by speaking a little Chinese...but speaking it perfectly (thanks to my diligent and personal language trainer...my wife)

Just another opinion on the subject.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 08, 2013, 09:10:04 pm

So I decided to perfect the use of a few key phrases..." or you have a delightful pair of boobs  ;D ;D ;D ;D....

My teacher has not taught me that one. Ha ha.

What we do is to work on the four tones. That is the difficult part for me - listening to and differentiating between the end sound. We learn the words and repeat them to our selves but often do not realise just how important the four tones are.

The important thing is listening to Chinese conversations and trying to work out what words you recognise.  Because not many are going to say the words exactly as you have learned them. 

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Neil on August 08, 2013, 09:51:02 pm
Everyone I've met in China knows the word "WC" for washroom.  I still don't know the proper word.

You're right Willy.  I like listening to my wife talk to her friends.  I hear the odd word that I recognize, and can follow the conversation sometimes.  It's even better when she talks to her son.  I catch a lot more.  Unfortunately, when she talks with her parents, they speak the local dialect, and I'm completely lost.  She tried teaching me a few words, but it's completely different than Mandarin.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on August 08, 2013, 11:04:26 pm
Willy are you learning Cantonese or Mandarin?And how do you say that is in Chinese?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: john1964 on August 09, 2013, 05:41:08 am
i have learnt Chinese from a few cds called "bookworms", available in Australia and im sure many other countries, i am surprised how much i have learnt over the past few years and my wife's friends are very impressed too, it makes communication so much easier, Now MinYing complains that i talk too much Chinese to her and not concentrate on teaching her English  :(   John
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 09, 2013, 07:07:27 am
Willy are you learning Cantonese or Mandarin?And how do you say that is in Chinese?
I am having lessons in Mandarin but are being taught the variations that should allow me to understand and be understood in any Province.

My main variation is Hunan as that is where my wife and  many people in Zhongshan come from.

'That is' in Mandarin Chinese  Na shi

We now have Chinese only days where only that is spoken in our home.

My teacher is working through an A 4 size book ' Experiencing Chinese - Oral Course.  It comes from Amazon and costs about 70 rmb here but it has a CD as well so you can listen to the course. Also the phrases are in English, Pin Ying and Mandarin so your lady can read them and correct your errors.

BBB
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on August 09, 2013, 11:59:28 am
BBB?   Big British Boy?  or Billy the Bat Boy?  Of course if you lived down here in the south you could be Billy Bob Buford.    ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 09, 2013, 01:33:45 pm
Nah....  I think that is what Willy sounds like on days that only Chinese is spoken in his house...  :P   

I know that is what  I sound like after 10 minutes of those Pimsleur CDs.... :D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Robertt S on August 09, 2013, 07:35:27 pm
Here is a link to a free 6-day course in Chinese. I use this course myself and like it very much. It teaches speaking, reading, writing and culture so you get a complete lesson.    Learn to speak Chinese  (http://www.rocketlanguages.com/chinese/premium/?aff=robertt999&tid=xingfu&type=freecourse)easily with Rocket Chinese
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 09, 2013, 09:40:57 pm
BBB?   Big British Boy?  or Billy the Bat Boy?  Of course if you lived down here in the south you could be Billy Bob Buford.    ;D

Just getting confused in my old age. That is what I sign off with when emailing my younger sister.
It is Big Brother Bill.

Final note on any CD course - You have to be disciplined to keep it up daily. That is why I need a live teacher come to me every day.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 10, 2013, 06:55:47 am
My passport should arrive soon and I will buy my tickets right away.

I want to start preparing for the trip.  My question is  - is there one thread, or one site, or one resource that will tell me everything I need to know for my trip... ? what to pack, how much, how early to arrive, etc etc.??
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 10, 2013, 07:21:49 am
ALright....

First question.   I was about to book my flight when I noticed that for the cheapest flight the tickets were not refundable.

The Airline is China Southern Airlines.  Sounds like a real commuter type.    4 hour layover in LAX.  Does anyone have experience with them?

The next lowest price is $200 more.  Refundable but with a $200 charge if I do refund.   Air China,  I believe.  2 hour layover in Peking, and 6 hours shorter than the cheaper flight.

I am thinking the higher price is the better choice.   Opinions?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on August 10, 2013, 09:28:03 am
My first time over, I flew Air Canada to Tokyo, then Japan Airlines to Guangzhou. Second time across, I flew Air Canada to Hong Kong, then took the bus across. It's hard to say which airline to choose. Personally for me, I would pay the extra 200 to arrive hours earlier. I have never concerned myself with the cancellation policy of any trip I make. By the time I am buying the ticket, I am more than certain that the trip is going to happen, come hell or high water. I have now made 6 trips to the other side of the planet. (Currently on trip number 6)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on August 10, 2013, 11:18:38 am
irishguy65 just went to China and we loaded him up with information.

His first thread.
Leaving for China in less than a month

his second thread.
any last minute advice.

Read those and you will be way ahead on advice for your trip.
Gerry
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on August 10, 2013, 07:45:50 pm
irishguy65 just went to China and we loaded him up with information.

His first thread.
Leaving for China in less than a month

his second thread.
any last minute advice.

Read those and you will be way ahead on advice for your trip.
Gerry

Hahaha!!  I was going to say the same thing!!!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on August 10, 2013, 07:47:50 pm
Yes, read those threads, but ask us questions too. Every trip is different, and with the collective experience here (and not just referring to Willy's advanced age. Heehee) we can certainly give you solid advice and get you on the right track.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 21, 2013, 05:33:31 pm
My cell phone will not work in China.  Other than that I am happy with my plan and carrier.

Are there any suggestions for what I can do just to have a phone on me for the two weeks that I am in China?

If nothing else I would like to be able to call Mei - like when I arrive at the airport, or to find out when she is picking me up at the hotel, or if we should happen to get separated.

By the way - She has Oct 1 to Oct 7 off because Oct 1 is their National Day and a lot of people have the whole week off. 
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on August 21, 2013, 07:51:55 pm
I used the expensive method, Jim.  But, now... any time I go, I have a phone all ready to go.

I went to eBay and bought a cheap, unlocked phone.  I think I paid $70.  Then, I went to http://www.3gsolutions.com.cn/page/simcard (http://www.3gsolutions.com.cn/page/simcard) and got a cheap sim card for the phone.  Unfortunately for me, I'm a moron and got the wrong type of sim card, and it didn't fit my phone.  So, when I got to China, my girl took me to a store where I got one that did fit.  I bought an iPhone sim card, and she had an iPhone, so she was able to make use of the sim card.  Anyway, have them ship it to you.

Then, when you get to China, you will already have a working phone.  And if you make multiple trips, you'll have a phone already every time.  You only need it for short periods of time, and you aren't going to surf the internet or something like that.  You just need to talk and text.  So, a cheap Android phone is easy and best.  I like this also because, as soon as you get off the plane, you can talk to her.  If she is picking you up, you can work out where you are and where she needs to be much easier.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Chad on August 21, 2013, 08:08:49 pm
When I went to China I always rented a cell phone from Pandaphone. Look them up on the internet. http://www.pandaphone.com/ (http://www.pandaphone.com/) The price isn't to bad and they have always worked for me. They send it to you here and then you send it back to them when you return. The USA part is based out of Texas.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 24, 2013, 12:06:24 am
Thanks for the input about the phones.  It looks like I have some options.

I was filling out my Visa form and I was wondering about something.

From my other readings I was under the impression that I had to have airline tickets and a hotel reservation to get a Visa.  Well, I do, but other than the line where I put when I am visiting and the line where it asks where I am staying I don't see anything like what I expected - which was proof of tickets and reservations...

I guess my impression was wrong?  Just don't want to miss anything...

thanks...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 24, 2013, 12:11:24 am
ok - so it is not on the Visa itself but still has to be sent in - I found this in the instructions on VisaRite.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 28, 2013, 07:00:25 pm
Still have not sent in my Visa application.  Just as well as they are requiring a new form come Sept 1st.

Been having a bit of difficulty with getting a confirmation of my hotel booking. 

Anyways, my question about the Visa is will I be able to get a 12 month multiple entry Visa the first time out?  I am asking for that.  If they won't approve that will they knock it down to something else - or will it get denied?

Thanks guys..
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on August 28, 2013, 07:36:38 pm
Still have not sent in my Visa application.  Just as well as they are requiring a new form come Sept 1st.

Been having a bit of difficulty with getting a confirmation of my hotel booking. 

Anyways, my question about the Visa is will I be able to get a 12 month multiple entry Visa the first time out?  I am asking for that.  If they won't approve that will they knock it down to something else - or will it get denied?

Thanks guys..

Yes, I got a mulitiple entry visa.  My first time out of the USA (if you don't include Canada or Mexico, which I don't).  They are just the 51st and 52nd state!   :)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on August 28, 2013, 07:38:01 pm
If you are dealing with visarite then just tell them what you wish and what your second choice is.  They will make it happen. They will tell you that you cant get a 12 month VISA and if this is your first trip they are probably right. But ask for it anyway and tell them what is the minimum you will accept.

Call them or email them.
 
VisaRite Service
325 W 38th Street
Suite 1105
New York, NY 10018

Toll Free: (800) 361-7708
Tel: (646) 397-8728
Fax: (888) 781-8298

Email: service@visarite.com

Web: www.visarite.com (http://www.visarite.com)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on August 28, 2013, 08:04:41 pm
I got a 12 month multiple entry the first time though visarite.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: LP on August 29, 2013, 01:07:31 pm
Still have not sent in my Visa application.  Just as well as they are requiring a new form come Sept 1st.                                                                                                                                                   
 One thing I can say is if you're filling out the old Visa application at this moment STOP NOW and use the new one,they will not accepted the old Visa application.Jim,is this your first time going to China?
                                                                                                                                                                                                           
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on August 29, 2013, 10:05:17 pm
Mine goes out tomorrow (visarite)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 01, 2013, 11:07:49 pm
It is my first time going to China and I am filling out the new visa form.  Has anyone used A. Briggs?  I had a problem with the new form from VisaRite. 

I finally got an email confirmation of my hotel booking.  My gal had to go to the hotel to make that happen. She really came through.

One thing I am concerned about - I have my airplane tickets and my room confirmation but I keep seeing references to an invitation letter.  I was under the impression that this was not necessary if I have the tickets and the reservations.  Help me out with this.  I can get an invitation letter if I have to but I think that she even said that it was not necessary (the dating service she uses told her that)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on September 01, 2013, 11:15:15 pm
They are right you do not need a invitation letter.Just mark the form tourist.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on September 02, 2013, 09:48:23 am
You need only one of three things:

1) Plane tickets and hotel reservation.
2) Invitation letter
3) Tour information (if you booked a tour group)

Only one of the 3.  If you have tickets and reservation, you are golden.  That's all I had.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 10, 2013, 07:49:06 am
I will get my Visa back soon.  I won't say anything about the service I used until I do get it back. 

Meanwhile, I have a simple question. 

Would I be able to buy an acoustic guitar in China?

I had planned to bring a small Taylor backpacker guitar with me but I did not like the sound and feel of it when I tried it in the store.  I do not want to bring any of my regular acoustics, because it would just be a worry.

So my next thought was about buying one there and just leaving it there.  Mei is planning on keeping her house there even if she comes to America.  If things work out between us I have a guitar waiting for me in China.  If things don't work out then an 8 year old winds up with a guitar.  Either way it seems like a win/win. 

I will be in the Guangdong area.   Very urban - I would think that music stores would be everywhere - but then I am thinking like an American...I don't know what it is really like there.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on September 10, 2013, 09:53:29 am
Jim yes you can buy a guitar in China.You can buy just about anything in China.And it is usually allot cheaper.But buyer be ware more so in China.Allot of cheaply made products. Allot of price gouging since you are a foreigner.Pick out what you want.Tell your lady what you want to buy.Then just leave and go look at something else.Your lady will bargen with the merchant.and get you a much better price.Then you would be able to get.

Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on September 10, 2013, 10:11:29 am
When I went to the local music store in Shaoguan I played guitar with one of the employees.  He is a teacher there and I would go back every few days to play.  He was excited to play American music with an American.   I never bought a guitar but have a lot of fun every time I go there.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on September 10, 2013, 11:27:30 am
If your worried about quality or return ability then use Amazon.
They have a distribution center in Guangzhou and things usually arrive the next day.  I have an account there and buy stuff from the USA and have it delivered to my daughter in Guangzhou. 

http://www.amazon.cn/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_2?__mk_zh_CN=%E4%BA%9A%E9%A9%AC%E9%80%8A%E7%BD%91%E7%AB%99&url=search-alias%3Dtoys&field-keywords=%E5%90%89%E4%BB%96&sprefix=%E5%90%89%E4%BB%96%2Caps%2C760&rh=i%3Atoys%2Ck%3A%E5%90%89%E4%BB%96 (http://www.amazon.cn/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_2?__mk_zh_CN=%E4%BA%9A%E9%A9%AC%E9%80%8A%E7%BD%91%E7%AB%99&url=search-alias%3Dtoys&field-keywords=%E5%90%89%E4%BB%96&sprefix=%E5%90%89%E4%BB%96%2Caps%2C760&rh=i%3Atoys%2Ck%3A%E5%90%89%E4%BB%96)

You can get a guitar from the very cheap to the very expensive.
Across the top of the page you will find.
5星级 4星及以上 3星及以上 2星及以上 1星及以上
That stands for the rating of the guitar. 5 is 5 star, 4 is 4 star etc.



Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 10, 2013, 08:17:59 pm
My guitar has traveled. It has been with me to India, West Africa and now it is back home where it was made in China.  It survived the traveling even though its case got battered.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on September 11, 2013, 02:32:48 am
Willy , did it get battered on both sides .
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 13, 2013, 12:13:40 am
Willy , did it get battered on both sides .

Outside but not inside.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 14, 2013, 09:41:01 pm
Hi Everyone...

I got my Visa back today.  Thanks for all of your help in this process.  The funny thing is that I did not use VisaRite like you all suggested.

When I did try to use VisaRite it was right at the time that the new 2013 form would be required and the VisaRite pdf had formatting issues and when I tried to fill it out the letters that I entered were all over the place.  There were too many spaces between some letters and other letters were on top of each other.   

I am sure that they have that fixed by now but I was not going to wait for them.  I did a search and found A. Briggs Passport and Visa Expeditors.

www.abriggs.com (http://www.abriggs.com)

the whole experience was wonderful.  Very professional, the forms worked properly, they even sent me a FedEX label.  All I had to do was drop it off at a FedEX location.  If I had a FedEx envelope I could have just put it in a FedEX drop box. 

And the best part is that they have an online form that I filled out that prompted me when I missed something.  It was impossible to leave something out.  I sent proof of my plane tickets, and my gal, Mei, went to the hotel I am staying at and got them to send me a confirmation of my reservations, so I sent that along also.

I got it back in a very timely manner, and in the process of filling it out I called their 800 number a couple of times with silly questions, which they handled very well.  And when I thought that I should pay the extra fee to have it processed quicker the operator reassured me that I would have it in time just using the regular service.

Anyways, I give them an A +, and if anyone wants to use them I can assure you that my experience with them was very good.

Two weeks to go....    thanks everyone....
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on September 14, 2013, 11:08:56 pm
I had one date doubled over itself with Visarite, but it didn't cause a problem. I had good service also.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: ChinaBound on September 15, 2013, 12:00:07 am
  And soon the journey will begin ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 20, 2013, 09:00:40 pm
A funny thing happened on QQ this morning.

Mei loves to show me pictures and it seems to me that the Chinese way of life revolves around food.  She is always showing me pictures of food.

Anyways, her brother has some sort of a farm, and she was showing me pictures of zucchini, and fish that they had netted, and then , there it is, a picture of two cats in a cage... ;D ;D

I kind of asked her about that and she just texted "Sorry" but I am not sure what she meant by that.

Anyways, I thought it was funny.  I know that I read somewhere here that the Chinese will eat anything.  I guess this was my moment to really find that out.

I think it is important to have a good sense of humor... ;)  Cat will be off the menu when she comes to America...actually I am hoping that it is off the menu when I am in China... :o
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on September 20, 2013, 09:53:49 pm
Chinese WILL eat anything and everything.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 21, 2013, 12:44:10 am
Just remember there was a time when they HAD to eat anything they got their hands on to survive. Thankfully for the majority those days are gone but as the say old habits die hard.

Just learn one thing when you are there. If you do not recognise what you are eating then it is best that you do not ask.

I have one rule - no head, no feet.  There is no way that I will join the fight to get the first eyeball from an fish that may still be wriggling on the plate!

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on September 24, 2013, 10:44:42 am
Anything with wings except an airplane.
Anything with legs except a table.
All of the pig except the squeal.

My son is in Shenzhen at the moment and they put him to the foreigner test. Served up some chicken feet and durian.  To their amazement he ate them both. He made a lot of friends that day.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 24, 2013, 08:58:03 pm
I will do my best...  I used to be a more finicky eater but now I will try new things and I like things I did not used to like.  But I did tell her - no cat for me... ;D

Anyway I leave for China tomorrow night, and I am so busy packing and taking care of last minute details - paying bills, making sure everything will run without me, etc.

I barely even have time to write here but I did not want to leave everyone out.  I will post from China if I have time and I will try to take pictures.  I am usually very bad about taking pictures - but Mei takes a lot.

I have mixed feelings - perhaps because I have taken everyone's advice to heart, and while I hope things go great I know there is the possibility that they might not.  I guess what I feel is grounded in reality.  I want to meet this person I have been chatting with and really get to know her.

Thanks everyone...   I am about as prepared as I can be.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on September 24, 2013, 11:13:01 pm
I will do my best...  I used to be a more finicky eater but now I will try new things and I like things I did not used to like.  But I did tell her - no cat for me... ;D

Anyway I leave for China tomorrow night, and I am so busy packing and taking care of last minute details - paying bills, making sure everything will run without me, etc.

I barely even have time to write here but I did not want to leave everyone out.  I will post from China if I have time and I will try to take pictures.  I am usually very bad about taking pictures - but Mei takes a lot.

I have mixed feelings - perhaps because I have taken everyone's advice to heart, and while I hope things go great I know there is the possibility that they might not.  I guess what I feel is grounded in reality.  I want to meet this person I have been chatting with and really get to know her.

Thanks everyone...   I am about as prepared as I can be.

Jim, here is the most important advice... Have fun while you are there!  Don't worry so much, and enjoy your time there!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on September 24, 2013, 11:32:06 pm
Best of luck.Have a good time.And a open mind.With a open mind and a positive attitude.You will do Just fine.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on September 25, 2013, 04:04:46 am
Have a great time.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on September 25, 2013, 11:35:40 am
... I would add to your "Do Not Eat List" .. Dog and Rat if I was you Jim!

Stay calm, go with the flow and yes... Enjoy China and your Girl!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 26, 2013, 05:19:31 pm
Hi Everyone - I am sitting in the Hong Kong airport waiting for my connecting flight.  it is just as beautiful and modern as you said it was Mike.

Other than the fact that I jumped the George Washington Bridge toll booth my trip has been excellent.  I am sure they will send me a fine.  Not quite sure what happened there.

The ticket agent upgraded me and I got the seat right behind the emergency door.  It was nice because I - and my row mates - could get up and stretch our legs any time we wanted to - without disturbing the others.  The gal who was next to the window had the best of the three seats as she could put her legs up.  I will try to get that one the next time.  The guy on my left was a young American - originally from Thailand.  He spoke Chinese and English very well, and on a few occasions translated for me.  We talked a little - but it was an overnight flight - so mostly I slept.

I tried to acclimate myself to the change in time over the last few days but I think it was a bust.  Jury is still out on that one.  I will see how I am now that I am here.

It is very early and all of the airport stores are closed so I haven't seen any phones yet.  I just might wing the whole trip without one.  I left my phone with my daughter - and she has Mei's number - so if she really needs to call me she can get a hold of me.  I told her NOT to call me... ;D

I have two hours until my next flight - but that is all that I have to tell you all right now.  I will try to write when I have more to report...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: LP on September 26, 2013, 08:12:09 pm
Now the fun began,did you see some soldiers walking around in the airport? ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 26, 2013, 08:55:40 pm
Now the fun began,did you see some soldiers walking around in the airport? ;D
At the time he wrote he was still in Hong Kong airport so he will not have the delights of a Chinese Airport yet.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Neil on September 27, 2013, 06:41:40 pm
I saw armed guys in the Hong Kong airport once.  They were wearing blue uniforms with sub machine guns.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 28, 2013, 04:24:12 am
Hi everyone - Guangdong airport was fine also - I don't remember if I saw any soldiers.  It probably would not have made a difference to me - I was in the army for two years in Germany.  I think I got used to expecting some sights.

Anyways, I have to be honest.  I came here 50 % expecting to be disappointed.  Well, that hasn't happened.  Instead I am amazed.  Mei is much more than I had hoped that  she was, and China is a lot more interesting than I realized it was going to be.

The only struggle right now is the language barrier - and perhaps that I am going out again tonight to a restaurant (third one today)- and I cannot keep up with these people!  They eat like it's their last meal.  The waitresses are constantly bringing food and Mei will not let my plate go empty or my tea cup be even one sip below the brim.  Oh, and no one will let me pay and the language barrier is so big that even to offer would just be an invitation to misunderstanding.

I don't mind being treated like a king - actually, I do, I am quite independent, but I am relaxing and letting her treat me like she wants.  She hasn't started cutting my food yet, and I make sure to do little things that remind her that I am a man, not a boy.  Anyways, no complaints here.

Now about the language barrier...  Mei bought a Casio I Can't Remember the Model Number...and at lunch one of her friends, who does speak a little English, checked it out and said that it is not good as a translator - it is more for a student wanting to learn English.

She does have an Iphone ( more on that in another post) and that has a translation app but we have to have internet access to use it.

Does anyone know of a good translator? and where I might look to buy one?  I am in Shunde, which is Foshan City.

Like I said before, China is amazing.  There is splendor and squalor right next to each other, and the traffic is SICK!!  Willie, I would be glad not to be allowed to drive here.  In that regard, Mei has a car and I now know that it is possible to do a U-turn across four lanes of traffic using only your horn!

I do not know why her car doesn't have any dents in it because she yields for no one...   actually they all drive like this and it's just amazing...

Last night we went to a park and I saw five hundred people all doing a sort of dance class...  Then there was a smaller group doing Tai Chi...

The spirit of the people is something I have never seen before.  It is like there is this symbiotic relationship going on.  It is like the movie Avatar.

Oh, one more note on the translator.  I might as well go ahead and try to learn Cantonese.  I have heard it is harder but so far the only person I met who speaks Mandarin ( other than Mei ) is the friend who advised me on the Casio (and he said that he often feels as lost as I do when it comes to understanding the conversation at the table).   

At least this way I might be able to converse in some fashion with her friends and her family.

I will write more when I get a chance.  Thanks everybody.  I would not be here having the time of my life if it wasn't for all of you guys...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on September 28, 2013, 01:48:31 pm
 :) :) 8) ... reading your post, reminds me of how I was "Tortured" one my first Trip!

Looks like your not only falling for your "Mei" but also for "China" and believe me... there is much to love. You only scratched the surface.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on September 28, 2013, 05:52:48 pm
Jim, my girl Lisa is also in Shunde.  Where are you staying?

Yes, they eat and eat and eat.  I was over 200 pounds when I got there, and my 120 pound woman made fun of me because she ate more than I did.  It's like they have a second stomach or something, LOL.  Since she is an English teacher at Shunde Polytechnic, I didn't need a translator, so I can't offer advice.  I think there was a thread here somewhere that had some advice on translators...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on September 28, 2013, 07:28:43 pm
Hi Jim Welcome to China.Now you know why the veterans are still hanging around. Everytime one of the new guys post about there first trip. We live it all again.We don't get as much out of it as you do.But it is still pretty cool.We are going to need to see some pictures.To get the full effect.

Pocket translators are a good tool.and they can be allot of fun to work with. With your girl.My wife has a Besta pocket translater.We bought it at a electronics store in Zhuhai.And I have seen them in other electronic stores in China.They are fairly common and not hard to come by.I think I payed 50.00 dollars 7 years ago.So they are probably around 100.00 by now.Have your lady take you to a electronic store.Let her pick out what she wants.That way the learning curve is not to difficult for her.

After you buy the pocket translater.You get to learn how to speak Chinglish.That's a whole different language in its self.It will make things easier.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 28, 2013, 08:06:58 pm
You all know that I am learning Chinese with a lesson every week day.

One of the aids I use to help me with my homework and to get the sound right is Google Translate.
 
You type in the phrase. It gives it to you in Chinese and and you can also listen to it and now it also shows it to you in Pinyin.

The beauty is that you can print it all out. and make make up your own personal phrase book to carry about with you.

As Maxx says also a lot use the Besta translator.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on September 28, 2013, 08:19:33 pm
http://www.jusco.com.hk/eng/store/china_shunde_shoppingcentre.htm (http://www.jusco.com.hk/eng/store/china_shunde_shoppingcentre.htm)

This is the shopping center I went to a couple of times.  She says this is probably a good place to get one.  Also, she suggests the Walmart on Dongle Rd and Xinhua Bookstore, Qiaozhu Alley in Shunde

Finally, she says there is an app called YouDao.  No internet needed and it's free.  In Chinese: 有道词典

Good luck!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 28, 2013, 09:04:53 pm
Hi everyone...thanks for the responses.

Irishguy...what a small world!!  We drove by Shunde Polytechnic the first night I was here.  Thanks for the link on the shopping plaza.  We are going shopping today.  I am going to get that guitar I wanted. 

Tell you what - I will PM you some more info on me and Mei.

Thanks guys - and yes I plan on posting some pictures - but I am one of those guys who feels that I should ask my gal...we are all different :D :D

talk to you all later...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on September 29, 2013, 12:34:42 am
Jim , yes Maxx is right , we love to read about the opening of Westerners to China , the amazing thing is does not matter which city you visit they are all different in food and culture and everything building wise changes very quickly , great to hear you are enjoying yourself , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: My search
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on September 29, 2013, 08:17:51 am
Here is a message for those enjoying China ha ha     


Stay home: 610 million expected to travel during Golden Week


tourists-03.jpg

Over 610 million people are expected to take to China's roads and waterways during the National Day 'golden week', up 6 percent compared to 2012, Xinhua reports.

A daily average of 87 million people will travel during the weeklong holiday from Oct. 1 to 7, said ministry spokesman Liang Xiao'an at a press conference.
Liang said a majority of travelers — about 600 million — will travel by road, up 6.1% compared to the same period last year.


Drivers of cars with no more than seven seats will be exempted from tolls during the National Day holiday.

The Forbidden City in Beijing saw over 180,000 visitors on October 1 last year. Do not go to the Forbidden City during golden week.

The Great Wall of China at Badaling was made invisible by the sheer mass of people atop it on October 3 last year. Do not go to the Great Wall during golden week.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on September 29, 2013, 12:07:58 pm

My wife just got back from Beijing. Forbidden city and the great wall and all the other hot spots.  Escaped the rush just in time.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 30, 2013, 04:31:14 am
You all are trying to hijack my thread ;D ;D

I planned my trip to correspond with the 7 days that Mei was going to have off.  It has been great so far.

Today I got the guitar I wanted.  It was interesting.  We parked her car, went up some dark alley, then upstairs to a music studio, I guess.  There we had tea while the assistant brought out some beautiful guitars.  I thought I was about to get real lucky, but when I inquired about the price he said that we were waiting for his boss to get back.

Well, I am only looking for a second hand guitar to have when I am in China and when the boss got there I found out that I was playing some lovely 9500 RMB guitars - about $1500 USD.  I thanked him and told him that my price was about 1800RMB.  He brought out a simple guitar for 1600 RMB. 

It was suitable and I asked him to put on new strings.  We waited while he changed the strings and tuned it and cleaned it.  All the while I am in the same situation - I can't drink more than a sip of tea before my cup is being filled up again, only this time it is his assistant doing the filling.

Anyways, it was very interesting.  All of this time I was picturing going to, well, an American music store, only set in China.  but things are very different here.  For instance, yesterday I saw a little shop that sells only bearings...nothing else.

This morning Mei and I spent a lot of time communicating.  I am using youdao.com and she is using her Iphone - which is also youdao but she writes her chinese characters on the screen and it has chinese character recognition.  It is the most fascinating thing I have ever seen to watch how she writes.

I was in a hotel for the first two days, and the bed wasn't that bad. I was starting to think that all of you guys are softies.  Well now I am at her apartment and her bed is like a slab of stone with a layer of cloth stretched over it!!  Okay, it is not that bad,  but I tossed and turned last night.  Now I know what you all mean.

We hung out with her friends last night and the gentleman who speaks a little English told me that he likes foreign movies, in part because there are not that many words in the Chinese language, and Chinese movies lack depth because of that.  I did not know what to say.   This is the first time I have ever heard that.

Anyways, I see everything, and I see the cultural differences, and I see so many similarities.  It is a fascinating place, and I am having a good time.

This is the first picture I have of us together.  She has taken so many more than I have taken, and she said that she will send them to me when I get home.  Tomorrow her daughter starts her vacation and we will all do something fun together.  Hopefully her other daughter can also join us.

I will write more when I get time...  Oh, and I got a chance to speak with Lisa, Patrick's gal, on the phone.  I am hoping to invite her and her daughter to meet us one night for dinner.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on September 30, 2013, 09:09:14 am
Great pic, beautiful lady.  I hope Lisa was able to help!

I will tell you it is unlikely that she will be able to have dinner with you.  Her parents are there and they are pretty old (almost as old as Willy, if my understanding of his age is correct), and she needs to taxi them around to doctors and other things... plus she is trying to spend as much time with them as she can before she comes to America.  You can ask, though. 

Have a great trip.  We all here will look forward to the full trip report and accompanying pictures.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 30, 2013, 08:45:50 pm


I was in a hotel for the first two days, and the bed wasn't that bad. I was starting to think that all of you guys are softies.  Well now I am at her apartment and her bed is like a slab of stone with a layer of cloth stretched over it!!  Okay, it is not that bad,  but I tossed and turned last night.  Now I know what you all mean.

First thing I did for our new apartment was to buy a new King Size bed complete with Australian mattress.  Not sure if it is filled with sheep's wool or not but it is a definate improvement on the usual 'slab of stone'.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 01, 2013, 03:38:45 am
China....It's like this whole other country.... (paraphrase of Forrest Gump) 


 ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on October 01, 2013, 04:06:14 am
Hijacking threads is what we do.  ;D

Great picture.  She is beautiful.  You on the other hand?????????????

but I'm glad to see that you had a great trip.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 01, 2013, 05:15:56 am
Yes, of course...  but that's not my good side...( I was facing the camera...)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on October 01, 2013, 09:12:34 am
Yes, of course...  but that's not my good side...( I was facing the camera...)

Tell us when she makes you clean shaven ... and then post a new picture  ;D

Haha!!  I was thinking the same thing!!  In case no one has seen the changes, I went from Grizzly Adams to the clean shaven look...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on October 01, 2013, 09:15:22 am
Yes, of course...  but that's not my good side...( I was facing the camera...)

Tell us when she makes you clean shaven ... and then post a new picture  ;D

Haha!!  I was thinking the same thing!!  In case no one has seen the changes, I went from Grizzly Adams to the clean shaven look...

But was that top or chin ::)

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on October 01, 2013, 08:53:08 pm
Willie, that was the chin.  The top still has a few hairs left, so is not 'clean shaven' looking yet!!   ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 02, 2013, 03:34:09 am
Actually she likes my goatee...  I guess I am the lucky one here as in my gal wants me to have the beard.  Maybe it is covering up things and that is why she likes it.  She says it is sexy.

I will look into the translator.  Right now we are getting serious play out of the youdao app.  A translator would be better but I haven't had the time to locate one.

I was going to write but it looks like plans have changed yet again.  Like I said, I don't know what is happening until it happens.  See you all later.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on October 02, 2013, 06:00:25 am


I was going to write but it looks like plans have changed yet again.  Like I said, I don't know what is happening until it happens.  See you all later.
Your definately slipping into a Chinese way of life. ;D

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on October 02, 2013, 09:42:14 am
Yes , and mine for the last 3+ , I always ensure I have at least half a tank of LPG when I head off to pick up Suijun , as often we will visit her other shops unannounced to make sure all is okay , ie; pick up at 7 pm and maybe home by 10 ha ha usually only a 20 minute trip .
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 02, 2013, 08:09:28 pm
Well, I must be enjoying this life because yesterday I proposed to her.

We were laying in bed talking in the afternoon and she told me that we were going to her parent's house for dinner.  That is when I told her that in my country it is respectful to ask the father for his blessing to marry.

So that night, after dinner, and kind of in the middle of a big soccer game involving the local Guangdong team I asked her father, using the Iphone app.

I don't know if it is the first proposal by Iphone - I doubt it - but it was an interesting mix of culture and technology.  Her sister and sisters in law were all excited.  Her brothers seemed to feel like we were interrupting a perfectly good soccer game.

Her father is adorable - it was his first time using the touch screen to write his characters and he took forever to respond - he kept writing and then deleting - it was really quite comical -  me standing there with a cheesy grin on my face - her sister looking over his shoulder and poking him and saying " No Problem!" 

When I finally got his answer I gave him a big hug and then all the women wanted pictures and all the men wanted us to stop blocking the TV... :D

I know it is just the first step in a long process.  I am keeping myself grounded by reminding myself that.

Ok, we are ready to go for a walk, so I have to go.  Here is a picture of dinner last night.  It was a wonderful evening, 12 of us sitting on the porch around a wok.  I had a great time - oh, and I had my first taste of durian...not that bad, not that good... :D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on October 02, 2013, 08:19:50 pm
I take it he said yes without any conditions.

If so then congratulations.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on October 02, 2013, 08:26:40 pm
Congratulations on eating durian...oh ya, and on the engagement too.  :P :P :P
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on October 02, 2013, 09:07:40 pm

  I had a great time - oh, and I had my first taste of durian...not that bad, not that good... :D
They fed you the most ghastly smelling item ever to impregnate my refrigerator!!!!  You sure that they like you.? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

No doubt they wanted to give you something special!  You should have explained to them that their daughter was special enough for you. 8)

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Rhonald on October 03, 2013, 08:55:44 am
Durian aint too bad....If .... your Hungry like the Wolf
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 04, 2013, 05:20:18 am
I ate durian once.  No one told me that I had to have photo proof.  That is not fair!!!

Actually I not only ate it I was the one who bought it.  I have been insisting on paying more often.  I don't push it but I pick my moments.

Today was a real adventure.  I wanted to visit the dating site where she has her account to talk with the translator and get more information.   We had to catch a bus to Shenzen, but we got a late start and as we rushed out I realized that Mei had stopped to talk to a man on a scooter and the next thing I know she is motioning for me to get on.  I was speechless. We both got on and the man whisked us through the streets and through the traffic.
I am not going to say that my life passed before my eyes, but I was wondering how badly we would get scraped up if he lost control.

Anyway we still missed the bus and had to wait an hour for the next one.  It was good though because we got a good chance to talk about things that were on my mind.

When we met with the people at the agency they couldn't have been nicer to both of us.  No charge to meet with them, and they were concerned that they answered any questions that we might have.  We talked about what kind of wedding we both want and we discussed a date and the other requirements.  I will not get married on this trip - but I feel like I have spent a lot of time getting to know Mei, and I feel like she is even more than I hoped for.  I also feel like she has a great family and she has done well for herself, even if she has been unlucky in love.  My point is is that I don't need to hem and haw about a decision which I know is a good one for me.  So I was the one that picked the date and now I just have to make sure that the return trip happens when I want it to.  It shouldn't be as hard this time.  I have everything that I need to make the trip, I just need to make the time.

I will let you know more about the date in a later post and I want to give a more in depth impression of the dating agency, but that too will have to wait.

Right now I want to ask everyone what they know about a "single certificate."  The agency said that I might need one.  I want to be sure that we can register without any problem and I don't remember reading about this.  I will search it but you guys are the real authorities in my eyes. 

What do you all know about this?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on October 04, 2013, 06:56:59 am
Under the title of American Requirements on this forum...http://www.chnromance.com/index.php/topic,3130.0.html (http://www.chnromance.com/index.php/topic,3130.0.html)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on October 05, 2013, 06:16:58 pm
Lisa sent me a picture taken by her daughter Amy of her with Jim and Mei at morning tea...

Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 05, 2013, 09:53:50 pm
Yes.  We had a good time.  I am sorry we were late.  Lisa said that we kept her waiting an hour.  I am not sure what happened.  But we had a nice time talking.  For once it was me doing all the talking and Mei doing most of the listening. 

Amy is a good kid, and she kept trying to get me to put up a peace sign, but I resisted.    :D

I don't have time to really write at the moment.  I did get a good opportunity to talk with Mei about deep things.  She showed me a lot of pictures the other night.  We are really getting to know each other.

Yesterday, xiao hui (have I mentioned her name before?  She is Mei's 8 year old daughter - pronounced zhow qwai)  and I played badminton and we really connected over that.  Later I wanted a Coca Cola and some chips (miss the junk food a little) and she took me for a walk and we went to a small store while Mei rested.  We are getting to know each other and now she is using the translator to ask me questions.

Okay, we are on the move... so long.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 06, 2013, 10:35:38 pm
I think I have some time to write.

I have to say that other than my bouts of sometimes feeling overwhelmed I have been having a good time.

Yesterday it was dinner out, yet again, with Mei's cousin, I think, although she kept calling her "my sister."

So most of the time what gets to me is the food.  Not so much what is being served but how it is served.  I am good with the chopsticks, no problem there, but I am an American, and I love my big plate so that I can keep my food separated.  No, I am not OCD, but by the end of every meal I have this mish mosh left in that little bowl that they give you to eat out of.  I am a little tired of hot pot, and thankfully the last few meals have not been that, but just give me a plate to eat off of!

Oh well, when I mentioned this to Mei she shot back that in two days I could cuddle up with my big plate.  I understood EXACTLY what she meant and quickly corrected the situation.

The digestion has been good so far but I was a little out of sorts yesterday and at the beginning of last nights meal I got a little queasy at eating lobster right out of the shell.  I like lobster, but I am used to that little fork they give you in America, and as I shoved my face down into the shell and was confronted face to face by those little legs I just started to feel like I was going to hurl.  I know that Mei notices when I turn up my nose at food, and if there is anything that bothers her about me it is my inability to keep up with her and her friends at the dinner table.  Oh well, I am doing the best that I can and I will just have to take up running marathons to keep it all off.

I know I will get accustomed to things as I get more experience.  I am also reminding myself that Mei will have the same challenges when she comes to America, and that I should remember my experience and be empathetic.

I got a note from her father.  I can't read it so I asked the translator if she will interpret it for me.  I took photos of it and sent it to her email.  Just waiting to hear back from her.  If it is good I will let you know what he said... :D

It looks like we are going so I will close.  I know I should be enclosing pictures.  Let me see if I can find one quick...

This one will have to do for now - I held my own against her.  I think she was impressed.  She also is a very good table tennis player.

more later...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on October 07, 2013, 12:03:39 am
...ahhhh! Table Tennis with Badminton Racket's :o, I have to try this also... sounds interesting 8).

Jim, in China do as the Chinese do... if it doesn't kill you.. go with the flow. I was fed on my Trips like a Pig that is fattened up for the Feast coming soon. I did a lot of walking after meals, if it was through the Parks (they have plenty of those) or go shopping or just get to know the surroundings. I came back not a single pound over then when I left.
Ps: they do give you NEW cups at Restaurants, just ask for one.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: LP on October 07, 2013, 12:15:08 am
I am so jealous of you,you get to keep your  facial hair and I couldn't. I guest its all for love.Jim do feel bad about  your inability to keep up with her and her friends at the dinner table. I had the same problem too.I  thought I can eat allot of food until I meant Sammy and her family.I had to tell Sammy many time I can't eat no more but she always say just a little more OK. :o
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on October 07, 2013, 01:05:38 am
Jim it sounds like your doing good.My only concern is that you are over thinking this.Just relax a little bit and go with the flow.If Dad is writing you notes it is probably a good thing.The food thing yes we all lived threw it.And you will probably to.You and your lady will have some adjusting to do.I'm willing to bet that you are her first Western boyfriend That actually came to see her.And this is your first mainland China girlfriend.So there is huge culture and customs issues and adjustments.That you will have to work threw.The main thing is just to relax and enjoy the journey.And don't over think this.

Jim I'm sorry I forgot what city your in.But I'm willing to bet that there is a western style restaurant there.Not KFC or McDonald's.But a real sit down restaurant.I bet your about starved by now.Take your lady to the restaurant introduce some of your kind of food to her.Me and my wife did this on my first trip to China.It was good food.And a real learning experience for me and my wife.Everytime we go to China.We make a point of going and finding a western style restaurant.Just to see how good the food is.So far after 8 trips to China.We haven't found a bad one yet.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on October 07, 2013, 08:48:35 am
Not everyone is man enough to keep their facial hair!!!  :o   Oops, I did say that!!!!! ;) ::) :-X
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 08, 2013, 01:00:23 am
Pinch me - because I think I am dreaming...

Today is my last day here.  The dream ends tonight at 10 PM.  we are making plans for me to come back in early December and to be married then.  It will be just whatever the legal thing is and then the next day a celebration with her friends and family.

In order to get my single certificate I have to make an appointment at the Gaunzhou US consulate.  I can't do that this trip as they are booked up.  I will have to do it next trip.  I can get it in the US but it is a much more involved process.  Much easier to do it here.  Anyways, just trying to fill you all in on what I learn...  I need the single certificate and then for Mei's home town I need to have it translated.  I suppose that the translator who transcribed the letter from Mei's father will be able to do that.

Speaking of which - I got it back from her - here it is.  I decided not to edit it.  I will just give it to you as she sent it...


Just not I read the notes you sent to me.
 
I will transalte it for you... You do not need to pay for me,, It is my pleasure to help you and Mei.
 
Her father just said that You came from a distant place to look for your true love and meet Mei, He was proud of your spirit.
 
It was not easy for you to come here to meet Mei,, It is not easy for you two to get together.
He hopes you two will cherish each other.
 
He also said that there will be so much difficulties and chanllege in your future life,, Hope you are ready.
 
Now you love each other,, I can feel true love from you two.
As Mei's father,, I gave my best wishes for you two.
 
I agree with you two to get together and get married.
 
Jim,, this is the meaning of Mei's father's notes.
 
Best wishes for you two.. If you need any help,, you can write to me,,,
 
Cathy



They have been helpful.  Of course I am speechless in response to his letter.  I will see him tonight before I leave.  We will talk more then.

I will write again when I am back in America.  Goodbye, everyone... :D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on October 08, 2013, 02:14:29 am
Like JustJim...I will return tomorrow also. I have made some notes and will share them with all of you soon. I also have over 400 pictures and many videos. It seems Hong is what I call a "camera whore" haha  Against advise...we were married right away, within 12 hours of my arrival. Our relationship feels true and tested even in the short time of 2 weeks. We are extremely comfortable with each other in every way. I my time here, I only encountered 2 other Caucasians...despite many bus and train rides. Most Chinese are curious about us, a few totally confused, but most very supportive! These people are very friendly and outgoing.

I too shaved, but just for the red-book photos, Hong prefers my facial hair. As for the food? I have lost 10#s. I just don't want any part of it!!!! Saving grace is the beer is great and Hong enjoys it very much too!

Chris and Hong
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on October 08, 2013, 06:50:40 am
Hi think the rest on here will join with me when I say congrats Chris.

But make sure that you keep everything that you can to provide as evidence that your marriage is true and loving especially as you will be returning to US after just two weeks.

I am sure that the US authorities are harder to please than the UK and my government would need a lot of convincing that in less than 24 hours after meeting that you were married in a truly loving relationship.

I do not want to be dogmatic but probably Just Jim will have a slightly easier time with that process as he is coming back later to obtain the 'red book'

I agree with Mike my wife loses lbs when we go to the UK as she cannot find food she likes.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on October 08, 2013, 07:09:37 am
Went out for pizza, green garden salad, and rum cake and ice cream dessert tonight in Wuhan. Let not forget Corona beer! HEAVEN!!!!!  I explained pizza to Hong...and that she can add any ingredients she wishes for. She enjoyed the salad the most.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on October 08, 2013, 07:19:32 am
Yes, we collected every scrap of receipts from everything, a trunk load of pictures, 2 years of skype and e-mails. Also have photos with her mother and father who is extremely ill and not likely to be around for long. That's one reason we chose to marry quickly...for her parents. They love me, so no issues there.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on October 08, 2013, 11:18:16 am
Well, Jim and Chris.. my Congratulations (and Blessing) to both of you and may it continue the way it has begun!
Love reading about Success's, they are much more enjoyable ;)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 09, 2013, 08:02:40 am
I am back in the USA.  I have to tell you that I feel sad to be back here... 

I am determined to do all that I need to do to get back there in two months.

Right now I am trying to reach Mei on QQ but she might be picking up her daughter from school.  We have been missing making a connection since I left China.  I check in and she has written a few lines...I write a few and then when I check in at the next airport she has written a few in reply.  It will have to do for now.  I am going to get on the road and get myself to my house.  It is a 2 1/2 hour drive.

I will write a lot more when I do get home.  Every situation is unique, and I have some questions for you all.

Okay, I will write later.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 11, 2013, 07:51:15 am
Well, the first thing I have to deal with - now that I am home - is the cold that I probably got from the lady who was sitting next to me on the plane, all the way from Hong Kong to New York.  She was coughing most of the way.  Actually I am hoping it is just a cold.  On the layover in Vancouver I thought I might get a chance to move seats, but 15 minutes before the plane left it started to fill up with late arrivals, and an almost empty plane went to completely packed in a matter of minutes.

I have the rest of the week off so I am just resting and trying to get back on sleep schedule.  My kids were over last night and I showed them photos from the trip, and then we watched an episode of Star Trek, and I dozed off.  Then when they left I sat in front of the TV for two hours, and I wondered why I wasn't sleepy at all.  Before I left I had tried to adjust my sleep schedule and I don't think it helped at all.  I think next time I will just wing it.

I liked flying Cathay Pacific, and they seem to have a regular schedule out of JFK. I liked leaving late at night and arriving early in the morning.  I checked their schedule for December and they have the same time slots so I think I will go for those.  I also discovered that Saturday and Sunday flights are just as cheap as middle of the week flights, so I think I will play around with that. 

Anyway, it should be so much easier to do this again, now that I have done it once.  I have my passport and visa in hand, I know what to expect, etc.

Stupid question, but I won't need to have hotel reservations and proof of airplane tickets now, right?  I just needed them to get the visa, right?

Oh, and a tip that I have not read about here...you have to fill out a two part card when you enter China.  They make it seem even more important than a passport.  You fill it out, they keep one half, you keep the other half, and then you turn your half in when you go to leave the country.

And one more thing...if you carry too much baby formula with you you could be subject to arrest..!  I heard that over the PA system.  I couldn't believe it....baby formula....

I am a bird in the hand kind of guy, so I am going to use Visarite to get my single certificate - just like Chris did.  The extra cost will balance out against  having to make extra trips in China when I get back there.

Now I mentioned that every situation is unique.  Here is mine.

Mei is doing well in China.  She has an apartment which is paid for.  She wants to keep it.  She lives in Guangdong, which is warm in the winter.  Well, compared to where I live.  Apparently it is just peanuts to pay all the parking fees and condo fees, and I think it would be a great place to go to in the winter months.  I am a Union electrician, and it can get slow in the winter here, so I figure why not just head to China in those months?

But I wonder what challenges we will face trying to love in two places.  Especially if she is just a new arrival to this country.  Obviously, right now it is not an issue.  But when she does get here I wonder what restrictions will be put on us.  The biggest concern is her daughter and schooling.  I will look into options for her.

Oh well, this makes life more interesting...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on October 11, 2013, 10:52:11 am
Sounds like you have all the critical stuff under control. A couple more trips and you will be a master.

I didn't realize you were going to be there that long or You and your lady and Lisa and my wife could have had dinner together and discussed immigration pitfalls. My wife is still in Guangzhou and we are waiting for our daughters VISA. Its been approved and issued and she is just hanging out waiting for it to arrive. Then they are headed back to the states.  My wife now thinks se is a veteran of the embassy visa office. They should exchange QQ numbers.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on October 11, 2013, 09:29:13 pm
They even questioned me. Because I was out of the USA for so long I had to prove that America was my country of domicile. Mortgage payments and utility bills in my name did the trick. But I was certainly shocked when they asked me to prove which country I lived in.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 12, 2013, 09:12:42 am
This is what I love about this site.  Getting feedback and being able to network with guys and gals who have been through the process is such a big help.

Chris was right about Visarite. I went to their site and downloaded the form I needed to fill out and I filled it out and forwarded it to Mei.  She took the form to her home town official and they said that it was good, I just need to get it notarized through Visarite.  By the way - this is what Visarite also recommends - check the form with the local authority first.  Now all I need to do is to send it to them.  For those that want to know - it will cost me $100 more than going to the consulate in Ghanzhou...but - I do not have to make that trip there now.  Add in the gas for the trip, the time involved, and the other headaches and I feel like it is a wash as to the cost.

And Mei wants to QQ with Pineau's wife.  This is also good for both of us.  Sometimes I have a hard time communicating to Mei that this process is not that easy.  My gal is very confident that everything will go just swimmingly.  I hope so, but I am cautious about counting those chickens, as they say.

Anyways, I do not know where I would be without this site.  I have told Mei about it, and she also thinks it is great.

I know that I have not written much about our relationship, and have stuck more to details about the whole process.  I hope everyone understands that this is just the way I am.   If I was to say anything about Mei it would just be to say how lucky I feel to have met her, and how she has exceeded my expectations.

Anyways. thanks for all the help, and I hope my writing about my experiences is also helping someone.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on October 12, 2013, 09:50:17 am

I know that I have not written much about our relationship, and have stuck more to details about the whole process.  I hope everyone understands that this is just the way I am.   

That's the main purpose of this forum- to see another through what may appear to be a minefield at first.  To hear about the relationship itself is just a bonus although it could well convince someone that has not been here and has not done it yet to plan their journey A S A P. ;)

Willy

Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on October 15, 2013, 12:05:27 pm
So what is the custom in China concerning wedding rings?

I didn't notice men wearing them and on the women I noticed that they mostly just wore engagement rings.  There did not seem to be an engagement ring and a wedding ring.

I am trying to understand because I haven't bought Mei a ring yet and I want to know what I should be looking for.  We talked about it a little today and there was a bit of a language barrier over such a simple thing as "what do you want?"   

I can understand how she feels.  She doesn't want to be a burden, but at the same time she doesn't realize that she is not a burden in the least, and I want to try to fulfill her dreams.  I don't think she will tell me exactly what she wants so I was hoping to divine what she wants possibly by finding out what is customary.

I am sure you guys realize my situation here so any advice will be helpful.   Thanks... :D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on October 15, 2013, 01:04:48 pm
Jim, you know Women all over the world are similar. They say they don't want much, but mean give me something nice and beautiful. As for wedding rings, I can only say what I have done (it might work or it may not for anybody else), I had gone out of my way on my first Wife and bought a nice size (1 carat) and upgraded it later to an 1 3/4 carat for our 10th anni. . Instead of just putting it away in a corner, I'd had it re-sized to fit Qing's finger. She knows (I wasn't secretive about it) it was worn by my first Wife, she also knows how much it means to me (I designed it) and she now wears it proudly.
Anyway, either go shopping with your Lady and pick it out together (as many have done here) or surprise her with what every you can afford and think is appropriate. I'd buy both rings (I had mine put together as one too) and enjoy her reaction receiving it.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: LP on October 15, 2013, 01:21:13 pm

 Quote form Jim: {So what is the custom in China concerning wedding rings?

I didn't notice men wearing them and on the women I noticed that they mostly just wore engagement rings.  There did not seem to be an engagement ring and a wedding ring.}                                         It depend on where you go in China you will notice some men wearing  wedding rings.My soon to be father in-law wear his and my soon to be brother in-law too.Sammy told me I have to wear one too so the women there will see I belong to someone.My lady is very jealous,I can't take photo with other women even though it's harm·less.She tell me that they will put it on the internet telling everyone this is their boyfriend and I'm saying this is cazy :o
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Neil on October 15, 2013, 01:38:18 pm
My wife's nephew was wearing a wedding ring with a big rock.  It's a man's ring, but it was huge.  Rich kids...

When I bought my wife's ring, I had read that Chinese prefer white gold to yellow gold.  It's not true.  My wife's family has some beautiful old golden jewelry (ear rings and bracelets and some rings).  I would suggest that you're better off to go with something simple and pure than to go with something that looks more expensive than it is. 

I bought my wife a ring, then bought myself a simple gold ring at home.  She asked me a hundred times, how much it cost.  I never told her, and she gave up asking.  It's simple, and it's only left my finger once, and she knows it. 
Title: Re: My search
Post by: LP on October 15, 2013, 03:46:30 pm
i have to agree with  what Neil and  Arnold said.I bought a pair gold ring at home for my wife to be and I and told her  about it.She  too asked me a hundred times, how much it cost.  I did the same thing Neil did I never told her,but the thing about her she don't gave up asking it.Also she has asked  me many time to show it to her but I told her No!When we get the red book you will see it..I'm old fashion ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on October 15, 2013, 05:51:03 pm
LP.... the Chinese can NOT keep a Surprise under wrap, if it's B-day/New Year or what ever... they NEED to know. I go through this everytime just hinting I have or are about to get something special.... What?When?How much? :-* tell me please! :-X No No and No I tell them and watch them steam >:( :(  I just love it, maybe I'm cruel...haha.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on October 15, 2013, 06:26:27 pm
You guys are missing the reason. why there asking how much the ring is.Where you got it.They want to know the cost so that they can grind on you for spending that much money on them.While they are secretly pleased.And they want to show there girlfriends in China.What there foreign boyfriend bought them.And how much you spent.It all comes back to there friends showing them face.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: David E on October 15, 2013, 06:37:22 pm
LP.... the Chinese can NOT keep a Surprise under wrap, if it's B-day/New Year or what ever... they NEED to know. I go through this everytime just hinting I have or are about to get something special.... What?When?How much? :-* tell me please! :-X No No and No I tell them and watch them steam >:( :(  I just love it, maybe I'm gruel...haha.

You got that right Arnold.

Ming's B'day is on Saturday and we will be in Bali....so her B'day gift is now at home, wrapped up tight, she cant have it until Saturday. She is overwhelmed by curiosity and wont give me a moments peace...she MUST find out what it is, but I stand fast and wont tell her. She tries every trick in the book to trap me into revealing what it is.

She would never dare open it without permission, so I just watch her squirm !!!.....yep, it is a bit cruel, but in the nicest possible way  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on October 15, 2013, 07:08:16 pm
David, doesn't that make us buy them even more Gift's...haha?
Maxx, we know what you pointed out.... we are just too LAZY to write more!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on October 15, 2013, 08:48:03 pm
I bought a gold necklace and pendant for Hong...and she loves it! She said when she arrives to the states then we can address wedding rings.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: john1964 on October 16, 2013, 03:36:55 am
My wife told me it is not as common to wear wedding rings in China, I have seen this first hand, so many of my wife's friends are married and NONE of them wear one, We went shopping for a ring as I wanted her to wear one, she chose her own style and loves it, No engagement ring, just the wedding ring, I let her choose the one she wanted and it cost around 7500 rmb, she also argued with the shop keeper and got a nice necklace thrown in with the deal too, Yes she showed it off to all her friends too , John.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on October 16, 2013, 04:07:34 am
My wife has shown all of her friends here wedding ring but she refuses to wear it unless I am with her.  She says that she is afraid that a bad man will steal it and worse will cut off her finger to get it.  We've argued over that blasted ring and finally I just let her do what she wants.

Secrets are impossible when you have one.  They can't stand it.  They must know and it drives them crazy.  But if they have a secret wild horses will not drag it out of them.  The fact that I won't pressure her into telling me any more drives her crazy... again.  It is way too much fun for me.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on November 10, 2013, 07:08:54 am
The mood on this forum is probably pretty sober what with the current situation in David's marriage.

It causes me to think and to be concerned if I am doing the right thing.  I am sure that we have all been there and felt that and at some point we decide that we are sure, and that we want to be with this woman that we have met.  I can't point to any one moment where there was an "ahah" or anything like that.  My feelings for Mei have just been slowly growing from day one.

Ultimately we have to answer to ourselves don't we?  I went back and read some of David's posts and there was one where he talked about taking a "risk."  Basically he said that the only way to avoid a risk was not to try.  Wise words, because not trying means that you get nothing , and nothing is what we all have plenty of...    but we want something and we will take that risk.

For me what has become so obvious is that I have to just accept that the risk is there and that I can do nothing more to protect myself from it.  I simply have to trust, and to know that this person I want to be with is in the same place as I am - she also is taking a big risk, and she has to trust me.  I am not going to go on and on about how my gal is different - because I don't know everyone else's gal, and we each make our own decisions based on our experiences.  What I am going to say is that I have been impressed from day one with Mei's desire for me to "know" her...   At every point she has been sincere in our conversations...  The most telling times were when she perceived that I had misunderstood what she had said.  The look on her face, and her rush to correct the misconception, even if it was to her disadvantage, really showed me that she was sincere.

The only times we have had any difficulties was when she thought that I was not trusting her.  She has a strong sense of herself, and she wants me to see who she is.  I think it sounds a little like I am going on and on about her.  I should not.  This thread has always been about me and my experiences.  Well, in my experiences I have been with good women and not so good.  I have my own concerns when it comes to being with someone - again - "my experiences.."   

But ultimately it is all a risk...  everything from getting up in the morning, to getting on that plane, to committing oneself to a relationship...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Vince G on November 10, 2013, 08:37:17 am
Life itself is a risk. Relationships are a gamble. You can't sit waiting for something to happen. What is best is that you get out there and try. Only loss is your feelings and maybe some cash. But you tried.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on November 10, 2013, 10:12:35 am
I was thinking the exact thing Jim was trying to express... just yesterday. There are many reasons we have taken this path towards China, but with greater rewards as we are seeking...there is greater risk also. We hope that our counterparts, which also allow themselves to become vulnerable in this undertaking, grow with understanding as well as develop a strong emotional connection with us. But guarantees? There are none.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on November 13, 2013, 04:31:09 am
Guy's, after four years of doing this AND getting married I from time to time think about this.  My thought are that I will never be completely sure until my precious sweetheart is in my arms to stay.  The risk is huge what price is worth finding true happiness?

I didn't succeed the first time in marriage and the odds are stacked against me for my second marriage.  But it is a dream or a quest for man to find that one woman who will partner with him for life.  Gentlemen, it is that quest that each of us has accepted and an approach that most people don't understand.  If we find success, and some here have, then we have a life that some will find envyable.  I don't look to be the envy of others I only look for happiness in life.  I've already lived through a hellacious marriage.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on November 25, 2013, 06:34:24 am
Because of the general mood of the forum this past month I have been a little quiet about my upcoming plans...

Anyways...

I leave Friday to go back to see Mei in China.  We are going to get married on the 6th and then have a wedding dinner on the 7th.  I will be there until right after Christmas.

I am excited, of course.  This time I know who I am going to see.  Last time the mood was completely different.  I was holding myself in check - trying not to get my hopes up. 

There is never enough time in the day to get all the things done that I want to.  And this time I have to worry about my house being empty while I am gone.  Last time I turned off the heat.  That would not be a good idea this time.  There is more to worry about here and I am going to be away for longer - so there is more to think about - more bills to make sure I have paid ahead of time - more expenses to cover.

I am more nervous about all of these things than I am of getting married.  In fact that is not a concern at all.  I have done my best to be in this relationship with no blinders on.  The happenings on this forum this last month have only confirmed that I need to do this, and that of course I am taking a risk.  The benefits are so much worth the risk.  She is taking a risk too - I mean , I am sure that she feels that way...but I am not a risk... :D  At least I don't think so.

I have contacted Robertt and am looking forward to talking with him.  I need help with all of the particulars.  Mei said that she wants to go to the US consulate in Ghanzhou to get more information about getting a visa.  Will this help?  I don't want to dissuade her, and I know her - she will probably make friends there and smooze the whole process... ;)

I have all of the documents I need.   I have the whole work situation sorted out.  Everything is good barring that unexpected emergency popping up at home...this is the only thing I am really worried about.

I have someone to cover for me - but...well I just have to let that all go.  I can't worry about things that might happen.

So my only question for all of you is - what is the best way to bring money to China?  I had a little bit of a hassle using my ATM card last time - we did get it sorted out and I only needed to get out $200- but this time I have to bring about $3000 to pay for the wedding dinner, the rings, and a little honeymoon that we are going on.  I can just see me trying to stuff all of that money into my socks... ;D


And I was thinking that I wanted to keep the money a little under the radar.   I am not sure about prying eyes and all of that.  Is it better to show the money or not?  I don't know and I am thinking way too much lately, so a little advice would be helpful.
That is all I have for now.

Jim
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on November 25, 2013, 07:13:54 am
Good luck with the arrangements. Hope you are not going too far North as it is getting really cold up in Northern China already.

As for the money it will be far better if you open a Bank Account in China.  That way you can bring the money in cash and deposit it into that account and they will give you the current exchange rate for the US dollar.  $3000 is below the limit that you have to declare on arrival in China but carrying cash is always a risk.  If you already have a bank account then you can do an International Transfer.

As long as your lady has not made any currency exchanges over the $50,000 limit then you could always get the money paid into her account in US Dollars. They will then do a currency exchange. You could do this well before you leave so that if there is a problem then you can sort it out with your bank before you leave.  Saying that I have never ever had any payment problems with International Transfers and I do them from my London Bank to my China Bank every month.

Having passed the limit for my account for the year I now have to do the transfers to my wife's account and that is never a problem either.

Willy



Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on November 25, 2013, 10:01:16 am
Jim like Willy Said.Just deposit the money in your lady's bank account.

There is no reason to Go to the consulate in GZ.They can only give you a application.Robert can show you how to fill it out.And tell you what papers you need to have.If I was you I would have Robert send you the paperwork that you will need for the app.So that you can help your fiancee fill out her paperwork while you are there.Then just bring the paperwork back to the U.S. and start talking to Robert. If your fiancee wants to go to GZ just to look around it shouldn't be a problem.It will help her if she knows where she will need to go. When the time comes for the medical check.and to know where the consulate is.And what to expect.

Your biggest battle is yet to come.The enternet rumor mill.And your fiance's friends.They are all experts on visa applications.So they think they know all the right answears.It can and will be a uphill battle until the interview is done.

Good luck and best wishes

Maxx
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on November 25, 2013, 03:06:30 pm
Jim, when I was there it was a hassle getting US bills exchanged at the bank. But the ATM at the bank was fast and easy. A joint account would look good for evidence, helps show a legit marriage. If Hong saw a wad of bills...my pocket would find a hole in them. Bring some cash for exchange at the airport for taxi and the like.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on November 26, 2013, 09:16:36 am


Now her daughter has an account and we wire transfer money for her daughter every other month.
I prefer to send money 6 times a year, rather than 12 times a year because of the fees involved.

Mike

As Mike said, this is the simplest way.  I have to do the transfer from my London bank to here every month because if I wanted to send over $7500 at any one time I would need to be at my bank in London in person to do that so I keep it just below that figure. But unless you are going in for that kind of amount then every two months will be more cost effective.

Just remember there is a limit of $50,000 us dollars that can be exchanged through through an account at the Chinese bank in any one year.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on November 26, 2013, 09:29:25 am
Thanks for the advice guys.

Mei is pretty modern and has her own money.  She has not asked me for anything...hold on , that is not true.  She asked me if I could buy calcium supplements for her daughter.   

I know we joke about the women - I am pretty sure fivetrout is tongue in cheek about his gal - but my gal has a job, has an apartment, is not materialistic and is really in this relationship because of the aforementioned difficulty in finding a loving relationship that a Chinese woman of her age and with two girls faces over there.  Hey, those men want what they want !  That leaves a very fine woman available for me to come along and to fall in love with.

Mike, I will talk to her about a joint account - if only for the "show" of it.  And when I go back again I might transfer money that I will need.  I think this will be my most expensive trip of them all.  Rings, wedding dinner, honeymoon - it is all adding up - but I know I am not spending all that much.  We have a simple lifestyle in common.

I am looking forward to spending almost the whole month with her.  And I am trying to let go of worrying about my place here in the US.  I have rentals that I am responsible for.  I am sure they will be fine without me and I have put one of my tenants in charge of making sure everything runs smoothly.  This is just me worrying.  I have never been away for so long.

I am sure that I will write more when I am there.  Last time I felt that I missed conversing in English - and this was my outlet.  I think I have all the paperwork I will need - single certificate, divorce papers, ID, passport, birth certificate, Chinese visa.   I cannot think of anything else.

Maxx - you are probably right.  But I am going through Robertt and as long as I am taking the lead I think that she is fine with me sorting out all the details and the like.  She has attitude, but she does defer to me when she feels that she can trust me to get the job done.  I think we will take that trip to the consulate - if just to see where it is - but Robertt warned me about all the "businesses" willing to take my money for empty promises of helping us to get a visa.  Her sister in law went through the process and Mei can talk with Robertt's wife, or maybe some other wives here to sort out the good from the bad.

Ok Willy, I will try not to send more than $50,000.   ;D ;D

Anyways I am very excited, and I can't thank you all enough.  I would be nowhere if I had to do this all myself.

Bye bye
Jim
Title: Re: My search
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on November 26, 2013, 10:01:45 am
Jim , just a thought , any money that you wish to exchange make sure it is NEW and not even folded , banks do not look favourably on worn or dog-eared notes , my other half or should I say boss ha ha has an Australian separate bank debit card and we just transfer money into that when she  goes back to Shenyang she just heads up to a local ATM and grabs out what she requires , oh and we have told our bank that withdrawals from this account will only be done from China and have had no problems , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on November 26, 2013, 08:02:32 pm
I have lost faith in ATMs  and have not used one more than a year now.  One at a Bank of China closed down 3/4  way through a transaction and told me to use another ATM. There was not another available So we did our shopping and went back later and then took out 2500 rmb. Without a problem - that was until I checked my account online two days later and found two payments for 2500 had been taken the same day.

So I contacted my bank they cancelled the second payment out and all was well again for four months until one day I saw the 2500rmb had been deducted again.  I again spoke to my bank and was informed that the B of C had done a check and everything balanced up ok so the money had been paid twice that day and I had no way of proving different

No point in arguing any more as it was only 2500 rmb and I consoled myself to believe that some really old widow had gone to the machine when it restarted to get out her last 100 rmb and found a bonus awaiting her!   Well unlikely but it satisfied my mind but also made me pledge never to use an ATM again!

Plus the cost of using the ATM to draw out 50,000 rmbs would come to about 1200 rmb. To get that amount tranfered by wire transfer (why do they still call it 'wire' transfer) cost just 200 rmb.

 I  also had a previous ATM swallowed up my card and it took six days before it was available to collect it from another bank branch the other side of the city. So if you do intend to use ATM's always have at least two cards with you.
 
Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on November 26, 2013, 08:47:43 pm
it was only 2500 rmb ...

Sure...you're going over the $50, 000 limit....     what's a few hundred to you... ;D ;D

I would be mad about that one.  I thought all ATM's have cameras...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on December 02, 2013, 08:55:28 pm
SO I made it here "no problem" - as everyone says.  I took Robertt S suggestion and just tucked money into my socks...  It was easier than going through the wire transfer thing at the time and at the bank the only problem I had was that they would not accept three of the $100 bills that I brought.  I know...I was told that they only accept "perfect" bills here.  Well, one of them was my fault as I accidentally tore it - just a little - when I was taking the money out of my socks.  The other two looked fine to me - oh well...

Everyday I learn something new about Mei and everyday she amazes me.  The money transfer brought out something new and amazing.  The last time I was here we had a bit of an issue with exchanging money so Mei took my $400 American and got out 2400 RMB from her bank for me.  This time we are discussing the money that we need for all our plans and Mei goes into her purse and she still has the $400 and she throws it into the pot!  I couldn't believe it...  She still had the money from two months ago.  I didn't know what to say.

Anyways, I am doing fine - Mei went into work for a couple of hours today and I went for my first explore on my own.  It was fun - but really I needed the exercise after the long flight and sleeping way too much the last couple of nights.

I really need to practice my Cantonese.  I have two shipments from Pimsleur and that adds up to 32 lessons.  I have only made it through 8.  I will be here until after Christmas so I hope I can learn a lot more.  It is not just being able to converse with Mei...I want to able to talk with her friends and her family.  I can't expect 30 other people to learn English just to accommodate me.

We are going to go to her home town official office on Friday.  In the meantime I pointed out to Mei that the back of the card they give you to fill out says that I am supposed to register with the local police because I not staying at a hotel.  Mei said that she did not think that I need to.  I was wondering what everyone else thinks about this?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Robertt S on December 02, 2013, 09:15:17 pm
SO I made it here "no problem" - as everyone says.  I took Robertt S suggestion and just tucked money into my socks...  It was easier than going through the wire transfer thing at the time and at the bank the only problem I had was that they would not accept three of the $100 bills that I brought.  I know...I was told that they only accept "perfect" bills here.  Well, one of them was my fault as I accidentally tore it - just a little - when I was taking the money out of my socks.  The other two looked fine to me - oh well...

Everyday I learn something new about Mei and everyday she amazes me.  The money transfer brought out something new and amazing.  The last time I was here we had a bit of an issue with exchanging money so Mei took my $400 American and got out 2400 RMB from her bank for me.  This time we are discussing the money that we need for all our plans and Mei goes into her purse and she still has the $400 and she throws it into the pot!  I couldn't believe it...  She still had the money from two months ago.  I didn't know what to say.

Anyways, I am doing fine - Mei went into work for a couple of hours today and I went for my first explore on my own.  It was fun - but really I needed the exercise after the long flight and sleeping way too much the last couple of nights.

I really need to practice my Cantonese.  I have two shipments from Pimsleur and that adds up to 32 lessons.  I have only made it through 8.  I will be here until after Christmas so I hope I can learn a lot more.  It is not just being able to converse with Mei...I want to able to talk with her friends and her family.  I can't expect 30 other people to learn English just to accommodate me.

We are going to go to her home town official office on Friday.  In the meantime I pointed out to Mei that the back of the card they give you to fill out says that I am supposed to register with the local police because I not staying at a hotel.  Mei said that she did not think that I need to.  I was wondering what everyone else thinks about this?

Jim,
 Just in case you decide to use the electronic processing I was telling you about. You will need this form, so print a couple out and have your wife complete them while you are there. http://www.travel.state.gov/pdf/pk3_supplements/GUZ-PK3-MULT-0006-1303.pdf (http://www.travel.state.gov/pdf/pk3_supplements/GUZ-PK3-MULT-0006-1303.pdf)

Leave lines 1 and 2 blank, she can sign but do not date at this time. She needs to complete one for herself and one for her daughter also.

Best of Luck, Robert
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 02, 2013, 09:21:30 pm
Depends how long byou bare going to be here.  In both Zhuhai and when I moved to Zhongshan I got visited by the police in my apartments. But I had been longer than 6 weeks in both places by then. 

They just seemed to know where I was to come calling?

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Robertt S on December 02, 2013, 09:25:34 pm
Depends how long byou bare going to be here.  In both Zhuhai and when I moved to Zhongshan I got visited by the police in my apartments. But I had been longer than 6 weeks in both places by then. 

They just seemed to know where I was to come calling?

Willy

Willy, most likely you were ratted-out by jealous suitors!    ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on December 02, 2013, 11:37:01 pm
Jim yes you need to register with the police.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on December 03, 2013, 12:51:26 am
I registered when staying at our place in Weihai. Hong gave the officer wedding candy and a pack of cigarettes.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 03, 2013, 04:59:30 am
Depends how long byou bare going to be here.  In both Zhuhai and when I moved to Zhongshan I got visited by the police in my apartments. But I had been longer than 6 weeks in both places by then. 

They just seemed to know where I was to come calling?

Willy

On both occasions they were not really over officious about it. I just said ' Mingtian wo qu'  on each occasion and they were happy.

I did just that and went the following day.  I have been going for so long now that I have build up a sort of relationship with the officer who always deals with me.   I have the personal cell phone number so that I can call so I do not have a wasted journey in case she is out on a shout.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Martin on December 03, 2013, 09:16:32 pm
I don't know why it is even a question. It's the law, and should be adhered to. Why take a chance that you may not be welcome back into the country?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 04, 2013, 12:08:57 am
I don't know why it is even a question. It's the law, and should be adhered to. Why take a chance that you may not be welcome back into the country?

Yes get banned once and it is at least a ten year wait before you can enter the country again.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on December 04, 2013, 03:07:16 am
"No problem"...

All I had to do was to show Mei that you guys said that I was supposed to do it and a phone call later we were on our way...

The police station also wanted a photograph separate from my passport, and it was decided that our wedding photos would be sufficient.

So it is all taken care of, thanks in part to the respect that Mei has for all of your opinions...  She knows all about this site and how much you guys have helped me.

Afterwards we went to tea with a cousin, although Mei calls cousins "brother" or "sister."  She teased me yet again about not eating chicken feet, and today that extended to quail heads, which I got pictures of her eating to gross out my daughter later.  Unfortunately I cannot think of an American equivalent that I eat that she would be reluctant to eat.

We were at a market yesterday and I got pictures of hornets soaking in  liquor and then as I turned around, there they were, little baby rodents of some sort in the bottom of a jar of liquid.  Nothing really phases me at this point, but that was a bit too much.  Still, the camera was ready and those pictures might even gross out my son!!

Mei is going to work a couple of hours a day in the morning, and a few more in the afternoon to cover for someone who had to have a surgery.  This is fine with me.  It gives me some free time to do something that I want without having to explain it.  In the morning I have been going for a walk in this park that is more vertical than it is horizontal, and it is a good workout.  Then I explore the streets and markets for an hour or so and I might buy something that interests me.  Today I was on a search for these ginger candies that I bought the last time I was here.  I spotted the place again when we were out driving around yesterday and today I found it by foot.

If anyone has been to Foshan and knows good places to eat I would love to know about them.  For my part all I can do is warn anyone reading this thread not to eat at a place called Solo Cup.  It is supposed to be styled like a western coffee house, but the service was terrible, and the food portions were miniscule.  Any coffee place that takes 20 minutes to bring you a cup of coffee can't be that good.  Then our two meals were brought 20 minutes apart also.  If they had been crowded I would have understood.  Thinking back now I realize that should have been my first clue. 

Mei doesn't understand the western custom of tipping, and boy was I frustrated at 1)   not being able to speak the language well enough to complain, and 2) not being able to make a statement by not tipping.  My mother owns a restaurant so I know good service.  I also know that if the service is really bad you should not skip the tip entirely - they might assume you forgot - you leave a penny so that the know how you felt about the service.

Writing this little blurb will be the only satisfaction that I get, I guess.

Well, thanks again everyone for your help.  I really appreciate it.   Jim
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on December 06, 2013, 02:58:37 am
Just got married!!!!

Now if you don't mind she says we have to go take a nap... ::)
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 06, 2013, 05:45:18 am
Hmm! Going for a nap.

Does that mean you have or about to consum.....? Consum.....? Consume your lunch?

Congratulations. Have a good rest your journey has just started.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on December 06, 2013, 07:01:44 am
Congratulations
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on December 06, 2013, 09:57:43 am
congratulations
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on December 06, 2013, 10:25:44 am
Congratulations! Now the crazy part starts!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Vince G on December 06, 2013, 11:24:21 am
Congratulations!  A fun nap?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: shaun on December 06, 2013, 05:52:00 pm
congratz!!!!!!

Don't take too long of a nap.  Just take them frequently.  :P
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 06, 2013, 08:47:07 pm
C'mon guys save your congratulations for a few more days. You know he aint going to surface just yet. ;D ;D ;D

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on December 07, 2013, 08:24:25 am
Yes Willy , we had better give him a week or 2 , to surface that is , GREAT news Jim congrats to you and yours from Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on December 11, 2013, 10:33:39 am
Congrats!

Also, talk to my lady about places to go in that area to eat.  We went to 8 restaurants in Shunde during my time there (well, 6, we went to a couple twice).  I'm sure she can direct you to some nice places.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 12, 2013, 01:49:42 am
Six days since Jim hit us with the Nuptial News and he still has not surfaced yet.!

He must be having a really good long nap!

Willy

Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on December 13, 2013, 10:23:10 pm
You would think with all of that napping I would feel more rested.. ::) ::)


The first four days were great....lots of napping and we went to Hainan Island...which is being billed as the Hawaii of the East.  It is nice and the hotel we stayed at was beautiful - but expensive.

But then three days ago I woke up in the morning with a pinched nerve in the left side of my back.  Excruciating to say the least and I have been dealing with that since then.  Two more days at another place with less than forgiving beds, but Mei has been looking after me.  I know she is worried, but I had this about five years ago on the right side.  It gets better eventually.  It just takes a little time.

The other day she asked me if I was okay, and I said I was and then asked her if she was okay.  She said, verbatim, "Of course, I is a young woman."  I had to laugh at that one.  That is the first time she has called me an old man.

We might go to see a doctor today.  A shot of prednisone would really do the trick.  Mei brought it up but she seems a little hesitant about actually going.  Of course all I know is what I have heard about Chinese medical practice so maybe I am projecting my feelings on her.

Any advice about this one?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 13, 2013, 11:10:49 pm
In the height of the summer heat I made the mistake of drinking too much coffee  and not enough water.  So I ended up going to the big hospital in the centre of the city.

The first thing they did was put me on drips that took three hours for them all to go through me.  Sat in a comfy beach chair in a room with about 100 other people all getting various drips.  I made a fuss until I saw babies and toddlers all going through the same process with less howling and screaming than I was making.  So on each visit so I gritted my teeth. It gave me time to think and to wonder why the nurses always positioned themself in front of me before also giving me a single shot into my ass! 8)

Each day for seven days I returned and the intrafusion as they called it got smaller and the length of time it took to get into my system become shorter. But after a couple of days things did get a little better each day.

Seven days later I was back to normal.  (Well as normal as I could ever be.) 

There was always a regular line of people waiting to go into the consulting rooms. Consulting room doors are usually left open, so if you have need to go to a hospital then make sure you close the door behind you otherwise you will find during the consultation that there will be dozens of eyes struggling to get a viewing position of a defrocked westerner from the open doorway.   

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on December 16, 2013, 08:23:25 am
So my trip to the doctor to get a prednisone shot turned into a trip to a Chinese herbal "doctor." 

I have no problem with alternative medicines so I went along with the whole thing.  There wasn't much I could really do anyways.  I felt that to object would have been rude, and I felt that the pain was going away soon any ways - so either way it would work out.  I just didn't want to hurt for a whole 'nother week - which is why I wanted to go in the first place.

It was interesting.  Basically the waiting room was the examination room.  I didn't mind shucking my shirt in front of everyone but Mei made pains to cover my front.  The "doctor" - an older woman in plain clothes - massaged the area, put some sort of liquid on it and then attached to my back what can only be described as a very large tea bag.  I went around for the next two days smelling like fresh tea...

But I feel better now.  Whether it was the herbal concoction, or the fact that I wedged two of those travel pillows that they sell in the airports around my neck to lift my head and take the pressure off the nerve, who knows?  Mei took good care of me, let me rest, made sure I had plenty to eat, and hounded me not to use the internet too much, because that is what the doctor said.  I think that the last time that I did this I was hurting for longer, but I also was working and didn't rest it like I should.

It has turned cold here in Guangdong.  Cold and rainy.  Up to now I have been concerned that Mei would like New York, compared to here, where the weather is more like Florida weather.    But she loves the cold.  She just puts on another layer and she won't turn on the heat.  She asked me why if I was so used to a cold area why I was so cold here.  Well, it is 10 degrees Celsius today...  50 degrees F...and no that is not that cold but at home my house is heated inside.  It's not 50 F inside.  But here it is and she seems just fine with it.  I am not going to worry about that one any more.  When she is with me in the states she will probably be the one turning down the thermostat.

And I finally found a good baguette today.  Right now her daughter and I are stuffing our faces with a late night snack of bread and butter.  And orange juice, which for some reason they do not refrigerate here...   Of course I took pictures at the market, where they had more flavors of chicken feet than you can imagine, from regular to very spicy.  Mei shoved one in my face the other night and I took a bite, but I just don't get it.  It just seemed like all the stuff I would normally spit out.  All fat and gristle, no meat.

Anyway, my trip is half over and I do not want it to end.  I am starting to fill out all of the paperwork we will need, and getting all of the documents together.  In my next letter I will probably be complaining about serious writer's cramp.  I think I have a picture from the wedding dinner to share with all of you...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: ChinaBound on December 16, 2013, 12:30:26 pm
       Jim,

If your looking for some stuff from back home to introduce them to try these places.

Groceries and Deli's-----  Taste /    Corners Deli

Gail's Place---  A terrific Philly cheesesteak  and great Sunday Breakfast brunches
Lucy's----   All around great food

Also when you see a Starbucks pick upa copy of  PRD (Pearl River Delta ) magazine has all the current stuff going on in Guangzhou    They are free at the stand

Ted
Title: Re: My search
Post by: fivetrout on December 20, 2013, 10:11:37 am
Jim, my guess is that you're smiling on the inside? ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on December 25, 2013, 04:14:03 pm
That is me trying to look proud...   :)

The truth is that I chipped a tooth and didn't have time to get to the dentist prior to my trip, so I am a little self conscious and trying to hide it.

I have been too busy to read or write here, and my access has been spotty, but I head home today, and I will post more when I get home.

Hopefully I have all the documents I need, but I think I have the most important ones.

China has been good to me.  I ate a lot but lost a few pounds.  A lot less carbs I think.  Goodbye for now...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on February 11, 2014, 05:37:43 pm
Well Jim.....tic tock.... were waiting.....
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on February 22, 2014, 09:45:25 pm
Sorry to be so neglectful...

Actually this winter is kicking my a**.  Since I got back from China I started a new union job working on an aqueduct project.  It will be a good job but I have been outside all winter, and some of these days have been brutally cold.  Also I have had to replace my water pump, and I had some frozen pipes on the house, so I had to replace a lot of plumbing.  It has been rough back here in the States...

I would give anything to be back in China.  Even if there was no heat in her house Mei was always warm in bed... ;)

We QQ everyday, and I have discovered a way that we can text each other.  Before she could not initiate contact with me - she had to wait for me to call or QQ her,  and I could sense her frustration about this.  Anyways, one day I realized that I can email from my phone, so that led me to experiment, and of course my phone can also receive emails, in the form of texts.  So I sent a text to my QQ email and then back to my phone from QQ.  Then I explained to Mei how she could do the same.  She loves that she can now contact me when she wants to say hello in the morning, or even when she is just thinking about me.

I am hoping to go back in May, but only for two weeks.  Meanwhile we are getting all of our documents together and I am talking with Robert about helping us with the paperwork.  I am just waiting on two more documents from Mei and then I am going to send everything off to Robert - ( well, if that is what I am supposed to do.)  I have to confess that I am not good with paperwork and all of these documents and all of these rules confound the H -  E - double toothpicks out of me.

I feel like a very lucky guy.  Mei keeps on proving herself to me.  I am not even testing her on this - I just have come to accept that I got lucky and I made a good choice.  I am looking forward to her being here and I am looking at the house to see how I can make it more suitable for her.  One thing I am thinking about is replacing my stove with something more amenable to her cooking style. 

I like the two burner cook tops that they use in China.  The burners are farther back and that makes room for a wok to sit there just perfectly.   Truth is that I don't ever think I have used more than two burners at the same time, so why not?  Now I just have to figure out where to get one.  And I want to remodel the downstairs half bath.  There is room in there for a good size shower and that would give her daughter her very own bathroom.

Besides winter beating me up I am also working way too much.  There is the outside job and then there is another on going project that I am doing on the side.  The money is good, and I will need it for everything I need to do immigration wise.  My costs are double because I have Mei and her daughter.
And of course I want to go back to China too, but at one point I realized that I had worked 26 days straight.  The only saving grace is that I have not gotten sick this winter.  No colds or anything like that.

Okay now I am over compensating for not having been here in a while.  I hope someone can use that info about texting to their advantage.  I will try not to be a stranger here.  Until later....
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on February 22, 2014, 10:03:46 pm
Glad to hear it is going well, Jim.  Robert is AWESOME!  I am terrible at paperwork myself, and he was great at getting it all done!  No stress in working with Robert!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on February 23, 2014, 07:42:08 am
Jim , glad to read that all is okay with you and Mei plus 1 ha ha , stay safe whilst working so hard and I am sure there must be some warmer weather on the way , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on February 23, 2014, 12:44:00 pm
Jim,
about getting the house ready for her.  Well since she did not know any English I took some labels and wrote in Chinese for the washer and dryer, dishwasher and stove and the hot-cold faucets.

I will share with you what I learned from Jing about Chinese cooking. It is really messy and it also (sometimes) smells awful.  She is from Hunan and used a lot of spice. Sometimes it would burn your eyes and throat and make you cough.  Our first kitchen was always covered with grease and oil and the house smelled like burnt squid.  So to prevent this from happening in our new house I converted the laundry room into a second kitchen, complete with sink, cabinets and stove and a turbo jet exhaust fan and a door to close it off from the rest of the house.  She would gather everything she needed from the refrigerator and head back to "her" kitchen, close the door and come out with her prepared Chinese dishes. Both of us were happy about it, as it was just a few steps away from the dining room and the other kitchen. 

Jim, I saw a few photos on QQ. How about posting them here for the other guys.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on February 23, 2014, 07:41:45 pm

about getting the house ready for her.  Well since she did not know any English I took some labels and wrote in Chinese for the washer and dryer, dishwasher and stove and the hot-cold faucets.

Just what I did, our first home was covered in labels stuck on just about everything. Not only in English but also in 'phonetic mandarin' o she could say in English what she read.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on February 23, 2014, 07:45:54 pm
Gerry and Willy... great ideas!

Since the girls (Lisa and Amy) know English, I think I may have them do some labeling for me in Chinese.  It sounds like a great way to really boost the learning of their language.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on February 24, 2014, 06:52:18 pm
Hey Pat, I bet your nervous. Lisa messaged Fiona and I guess she is at the embassy waiting for her interview.  Good luck and hope we see an announcement here in a little while!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on February 24, 2014, 10:16:25 pm
Hey Pat, I bet your nervous. Lisa messaged Fiona and I guess she is at the embassy waiting for her interview.  Good luck and hope we see an announcement here in a little while!

Haha.. just posted.  She was asked more questions about you than about me!  I am jealous  ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on February 27, 2014, 02:39:27 pm
Your joking, right?
Maybe it because she told them I introduced her to you and they have a long history with me. Well, I guess it didn't hurt.

I'm the one that should be Jealous ! It took me two years to get Fiona into the USA and you just strolled in 5 months ago and now taking Lisa home.  ???
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on February 27, 2014, 08:59:10 pm
I owe it all to Robertt.  He is the one that got all my ducks in a row and did all the legwork.  He made it simple.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on March 24, 2014, 08:42:26 pm
Sorry to be away for so long.  I have been pre- occupied with life, I guess.

Let me just get this out because it is on my mind...  Is anyone else really consumed with this missing flight 370?

I have the TV on CNN almost all the time now.  My first thought is of course my concern for the passengers and the families.  Everyone wants to cling to some shred of hope even when the evidence says otherwise.  My second thought, of course, is that anyone of us flying to or from China is going to be on a 777. That's the long haul plane of choice.  And you have to wonder, what happened?

Anyways, despite all of this I just booked a return flight to China to see Mei. I will be leaving at the end of April and will be there three weeks.   We have been apart 3 months now and it will be four months by the time I get there.  Things are going well between us, and Robert has all my paperwork and is going over it with a fine tooth comb.

Someone suggested I should post more pictures, and I will, but you all should be thankful I am writing this and not Mei, because if she was in charge of pictures you would get about a million....  like everyday.... ;D   Actually, that is one of the things I love about her, and I find myself taking pictures of my food so I have something to share with her.  (For those who don't know - it seems like food is a really big thing in China. At least my gal is always getting pictures from friends of what they had for dinner...)

SO here are some pictures..  I asked Mei to pick out four pictures that she would want everyone to see and she picked out about 15...

Here are four of those...
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on March 28, 2014, 06:36:05 am
I forgot to ask...

On my next trip I want to go also go to Macau or to Hong Kong.  Is there anything that I need to know?  What is required?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on March 28, 2014, 06:58:25 am
She needs a special travel visa to go there.  It should be pretty easy to get.  You shouldn't need anything special, as long as you have your Chinese multi entry visa, you should be fine.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: boston on March 28, 2014, 04:21:28 pm
HERE IS A QUICK COUPLE OF TIPS TO HELP YOU ELIMINATE THE FAKE ONES


IF HERE QUESTIONS ARE ALWAYS BASED ON THE FOLLOWING RUN AWAY AS FASTA AS YOU CAN AND I WILL DETAIL WHY I AM 100% CORRECT;
in china when a china girls dates chinese men her first questions are   #1 do you own an apartment?   #2 how much money do you make #3 where do you work and how long there.


theses questions are the key   as in china the majority of chinese women marry first for benefit not love   this is true no matter how much they deny it. i know i was lucky to find a chinese lady who have been my wife for 5 years now and our marriage is based on love not benefit.


you need to find a girl who wants to get to know you for who you are.
but a large majority of them dont ever marry for love if you ask then see how many will admit to it.


you have to be careful and go out with them a long time to find their true motives. they all think american men are rich and have luxury   they dont really know the meaning of working together and making a life together,  they are selfish and dont know what love is. be slow they are there but you will weed thru a lot of fakes to find real ones. and i give you a chance
find a real country side girl. they are more real and not hung up with benefits. some out there are you willing to ignore the city liars?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on March 28, 2014, 08:10:01 pm
Thanks Patrick,

We should have no problem then.   :)  Mei has been to Macau recently so she must have the required documents.

Jim
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on March 28, 2014, 08:11:57 pm
Thanks Patrick,

We should have no problem then.   :)  Mei has been to Macau recently so she must have the required documents.

Jim

She'll know what to do.  I think they have to get a new one for each trip they make.  Not sure how it works.  I just know Lisa got one when we went into Hong Kong... and we were planning on going to Macau, but we never made it.  But one day we went to the administrative building so she could get her Macau visa.  She ended up not needing it, as I said, because we didn't go.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on March 28, 2014, 09:58:21 pm
Macao is a very convenient place to get to.

You can walk from Zhuhai Port right into Macao.

The High Speed train connection will take you from Guangzhou to there. A taxi to the underground shopping centre at the Macao Port entrance and you join the queue into Macau.

The queues sometimes can long but fortunately for me I have reached the age when I use the doddery old gits lane.

Willy


Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on April 21, 2014, 10:48:54 pm
I am headed back to China to see my wife on Friday.  It has been tooooo long since I was there last.  We are both filled with anticipation.

I don't know if it shows in my wooden phrasing but I am - as usual it seems - exhausted from working too much.  It's just the way it is right now, and hopefully it will pay off when Mei comes here and I won't have to work so much.

Anyways we are both learning how to keep in touch across the many miles.  She knows how to text me, and now I know how to send her money... ;D   Western Union... it's so dang easy...   too dang easy.... ;D

I am looking forward to being with her, of course.  But also I know what to expect, I know what the food will be like, and I know how to fill my time when she has to go to work.  I think this trip will be more about being with her, and also about exploring the scene in her city.

And I think I might have to eat snake this time... :-\   The subject has come up when she sent me pictures from their dinner on two separate occasions.  Now if she doesn't mention it I am sure that I won't either...

And she wants to take wedding pictures... :D  She found a place where we can get dressed up - her in a gown, me in a tux, or whatever...(the guy in the picture that she showed me was in cowboy hat and boots)  and then they will take pictures of us.   I think it is a little silly, but it also sounds like fun, and she doesn't ask for much, so I am game.  I might even chance a smile this time...
 
Anyways, wish me luck and I might even post from China.  See you all later.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: kenny on April 22, 2014, 09:06:35 am
Have a great trip Jim. I look forward to my next trip but not sure when that will be.

My wife is terrifed of snakes and has never mentioned eating one. I am not sure it would be any worse than eating chicken feet though, I still cant bring myself to eating them, anyway good luck and have a good time.

Kenny
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on April 22, 2014, 09:27:10 am
I am headed back to China to see my wife on Friday.  It has been tooooo long since I was there last.  We are both filled with anticipation.

I don't know if it shows in my wooden phrasing but I am - as usual it seems - exhausted from working too much.  It's just the way it is right now, and hopefully it will pay off when Mei comes here and I won't have to work so much.

Anyways we are both learning how to keep in touch across the many miles.  She knows how to text me, and now I know how to send her money... ;D   Western Union... it's so dang easy...   too dang easy.... ;D

I am looking forward to being with her, of course.  But also I know what to expect, I know what the food will be like, and I know how to fill my time when she has to go to work.  I think this trip will be more about being with her, and also about exploring the scene in her city.

And I think I might have to eat snake this time... :-\   The subject has come up when she sent me pictures from their dinner on two separate occasions.  Now if she doesn't mention it I am sure that I won't either...

And she wants to take wedding pictures... :D  She found a place where we can get dressed up - her in a gown, me in a tux, or whatever...(the guy in the picture that she showed me was in cowboy hat and boots)  and then they will take pictures of us.   I think it is a little silly, but it also sounds like fun, and she doesn't ask for much, so I am game.  I might even chance a smile this time...
 
Anyways, wish me luck and I might even post from China.  See you all later.

I've read so many articles about how Chinese people LOVE LOVE LOVE their wedding pictures.  Hope you have a good time with that, and also a good trip.  Unfortunately, you won't be able to meet with Lisa, as she'll be heading to Beijing on the 26th, then to America on the 27th.  She leaves 9:00AM on the 27th from Beijing, and arrives at 10:20AM in New York City.  A 1 1/2 hour flight!!!  Haha.

Oh, yes... I feel your excitement!  I have the same feeling.  Can't wait until she is here.  Been working like a dog here also.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: David E on April 22, 2014, 06:06:23 pm
Dont worry about eating snake Jim....its a bit like chicken. If you get past the mental hurdle, you might just like it !!!

Now...when it comes to deep fried cockroach or scorpion........ :-\ :-\ :-\
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on April 22, 2014, 07:49:21 pm
I have eaten everything once!  But must admit some things never twice.  ???

My two weeks in the UK soon came to an end and we are now back home in China.

On previous visits my wife was not able to survive when not partaking of rice at least twice a day. So she stayed at home this visit.

However our daughter, who accompanied me on this trip relished the Western Menu.  Especially when she was introduced to Tabasco sauce, the red label made in the USA.  The green bottle received little attention from her as it was too mild!

That was liberally spread on everything from steaks to fish and chips and she even managed it with pizza and lasagne.

She also became well acquainted with British chocolate and sweets (candy). Her case was literally packed with various chocolate and 40 tubes of Rollo was just part of the presents that she was taking back to everyone she knew.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: IrishGuy65 on April 22, 2014, 09:33:29 pm
I have eaten everything once!  But must admit some things never twice.  ???

My two weeks in the UK soon came to an end and we are now back home in China.

On previous visits my wife was not able to survive when not partaking of rice at least twice a day. So she stayed at home this visit.

However our daughter, who accompanied me on this trip relished the Western Menu.  Especially when she was introduced to Tabasco sauce, the red label made in the USA.  The green bottle received little attention from her as it was too mild!

That was liberally spread on everything from steaks to fish and chips and she even managed it with pizza and lasagne.

She also became well acquainted with British chocolate and sweets (candy). Her case was literally packed with various chocolate and 40 tubes of Rollo was just part of the presents that she was taking back to everyone she knew.

Willy

That sounds like she had a great time, and also learned quite a bit!  Glad you had a good trip and are safely at home!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on April 23, 2014, 12:28:23 am
Willy the Red label Tabasco is close to a religion in New Mexico. Every restraunt here has a bottle setting on the table. Even the Chinese restraunts have bottles of it .It comes in three different sizes. I like to eat it on eggs and hashbrowns.my wife likes it a little. Given a choice she will eat the Chinese peppers before she will eat tabasco.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on April 23, 2014, 09:19:15 am
Willy the Red label Tabasco is close to a religion in New Mexico. Every restraunt here has a bottle setting on the table. Even the Chinese restraunts have bottles of it .It comes in three different sizes. I like to eat it on eggs and hashbrowns.my wife likes it a little. Given a choice she will eat the Chinese peppers before she will eat tabasco.

Peppers - they family chew on them like candy.  Hunan people like it hot!  Until last week I had never seen a prawn salad consumed with Tabasco though!

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: maxx on April 23, 2014, 10:24:38 am
I've never seen it used on a prawn salad either. I have seen it used on a bloody Mary. A bloody Mary is a drink used to cure a hangover. One of the main ingredients is Tabasco sauce.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on April 24, 2014, 11:13:54 am
... and here I "Hate" Tabasco Sauce! I do love "Snake" (Rattle Snake that is). I was asked by Qings brother if I would like some and I agreed to try it for the first time on my last trip. I thought it tasted like fillet of Fish without the fish smell. It wasn't cheap, right up there with "Birdnest Soup". Now that is something I need to be somewhat blastered before trying that  :-\.

Jim, you have a great time and a wonderful trip.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on April 26, 2014, 07:29:02 pm
I am in Hong Kong now waiting for the flight to board.

I made this trip into a real adventure...   I took the bus to the Port Authority in NYC and then I asked a guy in a booth where I can get a shuttle to JFK...

He pointed right at the bus in front of the booth and said - "That one..."

Well...,  in NYC you have to specify which JFK you want - especially when you are speaking to someone who does not speak English all that well.  It seemed odd, but I figured what do I know?  It was the wrong bus and I wasted 1.5 hours riding through the outskirts of NYC and into NJ.  I basically took a big loop right back to the Port Authority.  WHen I got back I found the right transfer bus and got to JFK AIRPORT no problem - except for - by this time I was sick to my stomach.  The Kung po CHicken I had before I left home was not agreeing with me, and I had just bumped around NY and NJ for 1.5 hours - all the time worrying if I was going to be late.

At this point I was literally sweating and also worrying that if I threw up in public they might not let me board the plane.  SO I found one of those family bathrooms, and - well too much information - I am sure - but I threw up everything.  After a couple more trips to that bathroom I started to feel better.

So I managed to get LOST in my own country, and SICK from the food in my own country.  Pretty much everything I would worry about in China I was able to accomplish without even leaving the USA.

Anyways the flight seemed really long - even though we got here ahead of schedule, and I picked at the food, only eating things that were easy and soothing and drinking a lot of water and juice.  I'm ok now - a little raw ;  but I figured it was just the food.

But I learned about taking public transportation to JFK and I will do it again in a heartbeat - especially now that I know how to.  The total fare was probably less than what I would have paid in gas and tolls, and I did not have to drive.  Sweet....

Okay I am going to QQ with Mei now... free internet in Hong Kong Airport ;D  I will write later.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on April 26, 2014, 08:05:54 pm
Well by now Jim you will be back in the Mainland.  Welcome back Jim.

Hong Kong is great for the free wi fi service and the charging facilities.

Funny the only place I have ever received an upset stomach through dodgy food was also in the USA!

Have a great trip here.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 05, 2014, 08:42:15 am
Visa Rite came through again.  It has been a year and I needed a new Chinese visa and their service is impeccable.  This time I used an invitation letter from Mei.  I wrote the letter, sent it to her by QQ, she signed it, and sent it right back to me.  That and copies of our marriage license and her ID card and we had everything we needed. 

I am going back on Sept 27, exactly one year from my first trip.  Meanwhile our paperwork is moving through the system, seemingly on "schedule."

I am going Cathay Pacific again.  I figure if it ain't broke don't fix it.  I am used  to their service, and in my opinion it is very good.

Every trip is better than the last.  My biggest struggle is with the food, and not because it is not good.  It's just different, and I know it is more mental than anything.  Slowly my mind is making comparisons and coming to the concept that their food is good.  I am eating more adventurously at home.  One thing I do like is that a lot of their foods are spicier than ours, and I like spicy.  I look forward to when Mei and Xiao Hui are here but I also worry that she will have a hard time finding food here that she likes.

I know one thing, and that is that my food budget will increase, and not just because there will be 3 mouths to feed.   Mei loves her seafood, and she lives in an area, the Pearl Delta, where seafood is plentiful and cheap.  I am 2 hours north of NYC, and I think there is only one seafood store in my town that gets their fish fresh from the docks in NYC.  I don't know the prices, because I don't buy there often, but I know it will be more than what I am spending on food now.  On the other hand I will also be eating better quality food, so that is a benefit.

So this is my update.  I am becoming a seasoned traveler now. 
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on September 26, 2014, 07:12:57 pm
I am back in China again for my fourth trip.  It will be exactly a year to the date - even to the minute of the first time that I came to China.

I was talking with a friend the other day and he asked what was going through my mind the first time I went to China.  Well, I told him that I was he prepared to be disappointed.  I did not want to be disappointed but I knew it was a possibility.  So I told him that I knew I was taking a big risk.  He even reminded me that of the thought that what if there was nobody there?  That was a possibility also.

Sometimes Mei asks me when I fell in love with her.  I like to say that it was love at first sight.  Of course I had seen her pictures, and we had communicated at length on QQ, and I knew I was talking to a real person, but there was so much I did not know until I saw her for real, and I held her in my arms.

So when I saw her for the first time in the airport, I knew right away that I was a lucky guy.  I knew right then that the feelings that I already had for this person were real and that I would not be disappointed.  That first day in China was magical, and those kind of days keep happening with us.  Every trip there are days that I file away in the memory banks, and they seem to get better every time.

I hope this trip is the best of them all.  I know now to expect that I might bet a little "homesick" at some point.  That's not really the best word to describe it, but I think you all know what I mean.  At least this time I will be expecting it and I can deal with it.  It is usually hits me around the 2 week mark and just lasts a day.  Mei and I talk it out and then I am fine for the rest of my trip.  Like I said, it is not so much "homesick" but more the accumulation of missing good coffee, good bagels, familiar settings, and not being able to join in on too many conversations.  Mei and I do alright on our own but her family gets together for tea often and they love to talk about everything, but I can't follow any of it.  Anyways, I am really looking forward to this trip.  My plane from Hong Kong to Guanzhou will be boarding soon, so I will post at a later date.  Take care, all....
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on September 26, 2014, 08:33:53 pm
Have a great reunion. Although China has a pretty tight control on the muslims, Guanggzhou has a significant amount of them and the other war mongers from Ürümqi ...  be careful.
Wish I were there.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 03, 2015, 01:50:14 am
It has been a while since I have been to this site and even longer since I posted but I feel I would be remiss if I didn't say something.

I am in China again and this time Mei went for her interview and got the visa approval for her and for Xiao Hui!!!

If it took so long you can all blame me.  It seemed like at every turn it took me so long to complete paperwork or come up with the funds to pay the fees.  Either way I stretched the process out, at least in my mind, but now we are almost there.  We are waiting now for the visas to be delivered.

Robert, as most of you know, was a great help and knows the ins and outs of this business.  I am glad I had him help us.  He was worth every penny.

As for my wife, I feel that I got so lucky.  Earlier this month we were talking about how she wanted to go for the interview in time to be able to get Xiao Hui to the states before school started.  I told her that I just didn't have the funds to purchase three plane tickets at the time.

Well, I have been sending her $500 a month now for over a year for her expenses.  And what has she been doing with it?  Well, saving every penny is what, so she told me not to worry about the tickets, we have the money.

I was flabbergasted, speechless, etc.etc.  I already thought I had a good wife.  That was just more proof.

So this is just a short note to let you all know our good news.  This site has been very helpful to me in negotiating this process.

Thanks, everyone...!

Jim, Mei, and Xiao Hui (soon to be "Kelly"  :) )
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Arnold on August 04, 2015, 03:42:31 pm
GREAT to hear Jim! I feel the harder it is to finally be together, the stronger the bond will be between the two/three of you. Anyways, Congrat's on getting it done to both of you and may the Future hold less obstacle in your way. Good Luck!
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Jason B on August 04, 2015, 10:13:19 pm
Congratulations and as everyone here who has their wives with them will tell you.  Strap yourself in because you are heading for one hell of a ride!  But worth every minute and I certainly wouldn't swap it for anything in this world.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 05, 2015, 09:25:31 pm
Another great story to start my day with.

So to those who have gone or are going through the trials and tribulations of undertaking the process then I salute you.

 It is not something that I have had to go through as my plans are to stay here. That is as long as the Chinese officials will put up with me. ::)

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 06, 2015, 11:24:53 pm
I am in quite the quandry....

A word of warning to everyone.   Don't ever assume that you can get anything done over here.

I came here assuming that once we got our visa approval that we could easily book a flight back.
Well, I had sent money ahead and we were going to use that money to purchase return tickets.

The first problem is that I did not unlock my card for use in China.  I have to do that in person at my bank.  It's a fraud protection thing.  No unauthorized overseas use.  Not a bad idea in this day and age but now it's coming back to bite me in the ass.

The second problem is that Mei has only a debit card which can't be used online.

The third problem is she can't fly through Taiwan on Eva airlines without a permit to do so. 
That wouldn't be so much of a problem if we could find a legitimate travel agent.  They could hook us up with a permit, I am told.

Yesterday Mei took me to a very professional building and then up to the third floor and into a small office with two ladies with Iphones and one laptop. My hopes fell pretty quickly.  We then attempted to use her sisters visa card but that was eventually denied for some unknown reason.  It might be that we had just transferred money into her sister's account, but I don't know for sure.

The only other problem with using her sister's card  (if it does get approved on the next attempt) is that there are restrictions on purchasing tickets if you are not going to be in the traveling party, and there is paperwork involved and who knows what else...?  We might get to the check in and find that we can't fly.  I don't know and I don't want to find out so late...

Now I am hoping to find a legitimate travel agency that will take cash and book us a flight out of here.  At this point I am ready to give up the low fare and great scheduling ( and short flight) on Eva air for anything that will get us out of here and at any cost. 

Maybe this is all a conspiracy to soften me up to pay the exorbitant fares they are charging this time of year,  Caution, don't try to leave China in August.  Fares are twice the norm.

If anyone knows of anyway they could help me with info or advice I would appreciate it.

If nothing else let this be a caution to everyone out there.  It's already next to impossible to get anything done here.  Don't make it worse by not being prepared and by assuming.

On a highlight we got our visas in 6 days! 

Of course that won't do me any good when I am still stuck here in December... :(

Jim
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 07, 2015, 07:48:44 pm
 

Hopefully you will be sorted out ok by now.

As I said on the phone yesterday 'Where there's a Will there's a Way.'  My assistance is open to all regulars who get stuck here.

If all else fails - Well, hey, whats up with December here?

The main problem is trying to find cheap flights at short notice - that is unlikely in any part of the World.

Willy



Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 07, 2015, 09:46:25 pm
Where there is a will there is a way.... :)

Just wanted everyone to know we got our tickets.  Have to go to tea now so I will write more later.
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 08, 2015, 03:23:03 am
I want to thank everyone who offered help.  What you don't see here is that I WeChatted with Robert and he advised me to PM some members here and I PMed Willie, Gerry and Patrick because all three of them have ties to this area and all three of them got back to me very quickly with offers of help.

Willie gave me his phone number and I called him.  He offered to help us to purchase tickets in Hong Kong and go there by way of his house.  He also told me about a site where we could purchase tickets by transferring money through the Bank of CHina.

Mei had given up prior to this and was going to let me handle things but when I told her of my plans to fly out of Hong Kong she decided to give it another shot.
 
You see she is pretty determined that her family should see us off at Guanzhou.  I know her sister would feel slighted if she didn't get to be one of the last to see us in CHina.

So after letting me muck around for another hour she got on the phone and started talking to a couple of people and then she was online on the baidu.com site and next thing I know she is sending our info to someone and getting excited, and talking about Korea, and on and on.

Well I guess she finally made the right connection and actually found a travel agency right here in Daliang because it wasn't too long after that she was headed to the bank to transfer money.  And soon after that we had our confirmation.

Willie is right of course about cheap flights and short notice.  We knew that going in but Mei wants Kelly to be there before the start of the school year.

We had to pay over $4000 for three one way tickets, and we fly out on the 19th, with a very short transfer in Korea, and the whole flight is short also, which I like. 

The 19th  is a little later than I had hoped but it's okay.
That will give Kelly two whole weeks to get adjusted physically to the time change.

Needless to say my wife was very pleased with herself and was telling me what a good wife she is....  Like I don't tell her that
enough already... :)

Anyways, thanks guys for all the help.   I went back to the beginning of this thread and I realized I was as lost then as I am now. I needed you all then and I still do now.   Quite the bookends, I thought.  Soon we will be back in the states and trying to negotiate a quite different life for all of us.  I hope I will be better at finding my way through that one... ;D

Jim
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 08, 2015, 05:22:26 am
Pleased to hear everything went well.  I learned one thing fast and that is the women here are quite proficient at getting things done - to their satisfaction!

Now you have a bit of time to spare you will be welcome here.  As I said I am the boss of this home!  Well until my wife gets home that is!

Willy



Title: Re: My search
Post by: Pineau on August 08, 2015, 04:15:44 pm
hope you make it through customs smoothly. Shouldn't be a problem. But since I had pissed off someone at USCIS they interrogated us in customs for hours and we missed our connection and had to sleep on the benches at McDonalds. Its' quite an adventure Jim.  You now have a whole new set of problems.  "the never ending story"
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 08, 2015, 09:09:45 pm
That makes me think of something...   I remember when I went through the line at JFK they always split up the foreigners from the returning US  citizens.

Will I have to go through a separate line from Mei or can I just accompany her, and excuse it off with the agent who checks out the passports?
I am leaning toward that line of reasoning.  I have been through JFK and most of the agents only speak English.  And we are traveling as a party, but what do you "Mayguayens" think?
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 08, 2015, 10:12:16 pm
That makes me think of something...   I remember when I went through the line at JFK they always split up the foreigners from the returning US  citizens.

Will I have to go through a separate line from Mei or can I just accompany her, and excuse it off with the agent who checks out the passports?
I am leaning toward that line of reasoning.  I have been through JFK and most of the agents only speak English.  And we are traveling as a party, but what do you "Mayguayens" think?

Not sure what the US is like but we have solved the problem at London Heathrow. We avoid the long queues that can have 2-300 people in them waiting to go through through immigration control. We are swept through a special lane every time.

 At our departure airport, I ask for a wheel chair to meet me at the plane.  They always do and both myself and my wife are whisked through. Of course you need to carry one of those collapsing walking sticks as you 'hobble' up to the check in desk. ;)

This saves us anything from 30 minutes to an hour or more queuing at Heathrow.

Willy
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Robertt S on August 08, 2015, 11:50:00 pm
You will have to go through the citizen line, JFK has plenty of people that speak Chinese when needed. You can try but most likely you will be told to get in the citizen line
Title: Re: My search
Post by: JustJim on August 13, 2015, 11:07:48 pm
Okay, I will let Mei know.  I am sure we will be fine.

The other day Willie welcomed us into his house at Zhongshan.  We took  the  high speed train to Zhongshan North station and Willie picked us up there.

We had a nice afternoon - his wife and mine talking in Mandarin and Willie and I discussing life in China and football in England.  Then they treated us to dinner and sent us on our way.  And I got to experience his wife's driving.... :o

We both had a good time, and Willie, if you are ever in the USA and want to see the wilderness just give me a call.  You would be welcome anytime... ;D

If nothing else I promise that I will bring real maple syrup, fresh from the sugar house, on my next trip.  I have a friend who makes it, and it's the best I ever had.

Still five days to go before we leave and it's turning into the longest five days yet.  In the past when I began to yearn to be home I could temper it by reminding myself that in China I was with Mei, and back home I was not, but now that is not the case.

I like China, when it is cooler and when we are traveling.  This time it's hot and we are saving our money, so it's really not what I want to be doing.  Every night is another going away party, and everyone wants to toast with the American, so next day I start off with a headache.

It could be worse.  It could be A LOT worse.  We could have been denied, or the visas could have been mixed up.  But none of this has happened, and believe me I am happy, I just want to be back and start this new life.

After we settle in we will be so busy.  Registering Kelly for school, signing her up for soccer, getting them both on my unions insurance plan,  making whatever changes Mei wants to the house... so , so much.  Of course my friends will want to meet her and I want to shield them both from the coming cultural onslaught, but then I managed it here with much less local language skills, so they should be alright also.  The only difference is that they aren't just going there for two weeks...

We will be okay, and I know that soon we will be sitting on the runway, waiting to take off... ;D

Jim
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 14, 2015, 05:33:56 am
Yes it was a nice day Jim.

And so refreshing to meet an American with such a good knowledge of the English Premier League.

Maybe one day we will meet up in London for an Arsenal - Chelsea match!   ;)

Willy

My 'wifes driving' - I only had to shout at her half a dozen times.  Mind you it was only a 5 minutes drive! ;D
Title: Re: My search
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 17, 2015, 11:40:44 pm
Just a word to say 'bon voyage' I guess everyone is excited about the trip tomorrow.

Willy