China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: Neil on May 11, 2009, 02:30:51 pm
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I've been talking with my girl daily for nearly 4 months now and I plan on visiting this August. I would like to hear her voice or see her on webcam before I go but it's really not that big of a deal if I can't. I definitely don't want to pressure her in any way and I get the impression she's under the no-direct-contact rule at the moment. Our letters are amazing and she has become so responsive and open in the last month. She answers all my questions, reassures me, encourages me and asks great questions herself. I may tell her I'm dying to hear her voice or something to that effect to try and hint at direct contact.
My question is, do you guys think it is fine to travel to China to meet her without first having some sort of direct contact? I've sent her gifts and gotten pictures of her holding them so I'm positive she's real. I'm not worried about that at all.
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I would make every effort to talk to her in some fashion. You just want to make sure she is the one responding to your letters and not the translator. She may be embarrassed about her english skills but try to reinforce that you are not that great in Chinese either. It can get sticky if you do not. I got lucky even though the translator was answering my letters. She really didnt know me when I got there. After that it is up to you. You are taking a shot anyway but I would not want to waste a trip and the expense without some sort of acknowledgment that she is the one answering at least most of the letters.
By the way where in August are you going? I will be in Beijing from August 11th. Except for a week in Wuhan. if you are going to be in Beijing dont worry about it. If she doesnt work out i have a couple of women that are great. So you would have a good time no matter what. For a good time contact Jimb. lol Sounds like a pimp doesnt it? But these are nice girls.
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Haha. Thanks Jim. I'm making every effort to be in Zhongshan from the 17th of August for nearly 2 weeks. I have the time booked off work and I'm just getting all my other ducks in a row. I'll definitely keep you in mind and always wanted to go to Beijing. I'd bet it does work out though.
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It should. I hope it does, because when it does it is great. These ladies are amazing. I wouldnt trade mine for anything else in this world. I know some others here feel the same way. I just caution guys because of what I could have gone through. Like I said I got lucky and hit the jackpot. But it could have gone south very quickly. It did happen to me on my first trip. So I made a backup plan and a backup to my backup for my second. But I did not have any other contacts or knowledge at that point.
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Neil what JimB is telling you is a good idea.Direct contact is nice.It kind of takes away the last hint of doubt in your mind.
But I don't think it is a requirment.I didn't have direct contact with my wife before I went.Then again maybe I was just lucky.if you establish a good foundation for the relationship.And you keep building it.It should be ok.You said she was sending you pictures and gifts.So your well on your way.
If you really want to hear her voice and see her.Arrange with the translater for a web Chat.Tell your lady you don't care how bad her English is.You just want to hear her sweet voice.Tell her it will give you something to dream about at night.(Hey Don't laugh when I told this to Martin and he tried it it worked).
If it does go south on you.Let us know.I have a friend who works in Zhongshan.And lives in Zhuhai.She even speaks English if you talk real slow to her.There is also 2 agencies in Zhongshan and 2 agencies in Zhuhai.
I really don't think you will need to know where the other agencies are.But I still would have a back up plan.If you don't make direct contact between Know and August.
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MaXX ... to get used to sleeping with Zhifang ... in advance ... I told Martin ... to sleep with an "Inflatable Doll" ... ( Hey don't laugh, he tried it and it worked ) :dodgy:
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Neil , you know that I went to China , knowing that I was going to marry Qing on my first Trip and as of late , Martin and Ed did the same thing . Not everybody needs direct contact , to know that nothing will come between two People , that really found the True Love through writing letter's , gift's and Phone calls .
That is what I had to overcome with my family , calling me crazy for falling in Love without meeting the other person first . Now , I have the last laugh and proofed them wrong . Their are too closed minded to understand such thing , Love does travel over many miles , oceans and whatever is in the way . There is just nothing that will stop it , only the two People involved . We here are really a seperate Breed of Men and our reward is a wonderful Wife at the end of an easy or up and down journey along the way . But with the same result .... HAPPY and LOVED !!!
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Neil , you know that I went to China , knowing that I was going to marry Qing on my first Trip and as of late , Martin and Ed did the same thing . Not everybody needs direct contact , to know that nothing will come between two People , that really found the True Love through writing letter's , gift's and Phone calls .
That is what I had to overcome with my family , calling me crazy for falling in Love without meeting the other person first . Now , I have the last laugh and proofed them wrong . Their are too closed minded to understand such thing , Love does travel over many miles , oceans and whatever is in the way . There is just nothing that will stop it , only the two People involved . We here are really a seperate Breed of Men and our reward is a wonderful Wife at the end of an easy or up and down journey along the way . But with the same result .... HAPPY and LOVED !!!
I've actually been really surprised how supportive and encouraging people have been when I tell them I'm going to China to meet my girlfriend. I mean, my parents and all my buddies, even my ex-wife and kids. Maybe because they can see how happy I am. The world's a different place these days with online dating almost becoming the norm. My mom said that Chinese girls don't age, they just get prettier after she saw my girl's pictures. heheh. :blush:
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My question is, do you guys think it is fine to travel to China to meet her without first having some sort of direct contact? I've sent her gifts and gotten pictures of her holding them so I'm positive she's real. I'm not worried about that at all.
I think it is absolutely fine.
In the early days of my relationship I am ashamed to say that I hassled for direct contact and I really regret it now.
I think you have to treat your woman as well as you are able.
Pushing her for direct contact when she is reluctant is not a good move, not at all.
If she gives in, and agrees, then it takes away the pleasure of receiving something freely given.
If she doesn't give in, then you both have lost face, and over something that really doesn't count for much at all.
In a few weeks time you will have all the direct contact you will ever wish for.
Be patient and good luck!
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Hi ;)
I am in fact on the same way as you, Neil :)
In fact, I am speaking to Ting since... December, if my memory is still good.
And up to now, I have never heard nor seen her on webcam/phone/Skype...
Just spoke with her a bit via QQ (that is always a good thing) but I admit that sometimes it can be frustrating to not go "any more ahead"...
Whatever happens, I'll go there on next month..
I have some pictures of her, and I just imagine that when we will be "face to face", that will really be amazing ;)
So, keep it up, man, and I wish you all the best in your story with your suitable lady ;)
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I am having the same problem with my lady when it comes to phone and making direct contact, and with what I have read and with the contracts that the ladys sign, it may just be the fact that at the present time she is unable to send these to me, as she lists her english as fair and I know that what she writes I get answers to my questions, and I also get real photos, so the more I see and hear I do believe that the agency has their hand in this somewhere as if I was able to contact her direct I could find out maybe some very interesting information to pass on. I will just have to have plenty of patience and hope that soon this will come to an end, and of course there maybe the agency not allowing for this type contact to be allowed until the bill has been paid, these things I have looked at and yep it is a bit flustrating.
By the way this is for Vince, found out that Rita was born in Shenyang and moved to Wuhan, and she wants me to go there and meet her parents. so maybe one day we will get a chance to meet in person
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Well, my experience is that is different from lady to lady. But most of them are afraid of talking on the phone. It is about "Face" my lady told me. We have been writing for four weeks now and have doing QQ since last week. She gave me her phone number too. But we use it for text messages only. I must say her english is probably worse then my chinese, from what she says. But with the translation programs from the Internet we get along with QQ. But even she trusts me so far, I believe it will take some time before we get on the phone.
And we do EMF still to cover misunderstandings. That's one of the reasons why she was willing to accept QQ.
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Hajo and others, If the lady gives you her number and other contact info but says her english isn't good enough to talk on the phone? Believe it. If she sent her phone number, then she wants to show she's fulfilling the request but knows enough to not get embarrassed or get frustrated on the phone. Or have you be the same and give up because of.
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Hi Vince, I wish I had thought of asking you a few days ago, I had been pulling my hair out for weeks about this he he. And then i got in touch with Maxx and he said the same thing....Thanks mate
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Interesting turn of events... I tried your trick Rob. I asked the translator about chatting over qq/msn/yahoo and mentioned that we would still use EMF's. Well...
P.S Hi Neil
Thank you so much for your note to us !
We are honored to service whatever we can for both of you from beginning to now,I can understand what you meant and we can understanding,But the problems is that Xin wanna talked with you here and she really a nice woman who trying to learn as much as English now.Our agent can offer both of you --Video meeting and chatting.I means like MSN..You can meet Xin over msn with the help of our agent if you needed,I would like to leave our agent MSN I D for you here,
***@live.cn
Please feel free to contact us if you needed,Thank you so much for your understanding.
Take care and have a good day !
Well, I think that means we can arrange an msn chat. I mentioned it to my girl and left the decision in her hands. :cool: Fingers crossed!
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Glad I could be of assistance mate.....
Good luck hope you get the answer you were waiting on.......but....be patient........lol :angel:
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Patience. Psh! I asked her to think about it and we can arrange a time to chat. She chose tomorrow! Wow. :cool:
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Well that's her patient level.....lol
Truly mate good luck;)
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:heart::heart::heart:
Wow! Um. Wow!
I have some photos of my girl that make her look amazing. I also have some untouched photos. When I saw that beautiful smile today, I was blown away. She is more beautiful in real than she is in her studio photos. All giggles and laughing.
We chatted on MSN for 45 minutes until the agency was closing. I was a nervous wreck before but once we started talking I was fine. The translator is a young girl and she kept encouraging my girl to flirt. Unbelievable. I can't wait to see her again.
She asked if I want to come to China to work though. We had never discussed this and I'll have to talk to her about it some more. As an electrician I can work pretty much anywhere the laws of physics are the same but as an industrial electrician (which I enjoy) a big part of my job is talking to operators to figure out what the problems are. I'd have to learn a heck of a lot more Chinese first. Kind of a step back to go teach English (no offense Shark).
:D:P
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Sounds like she was sweet on her chocolate man, congratulations Neil, sounds like your headed down the right path.
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Congrats, Neil. These ladies are amazing. It is a tough path but anything worthwhile is never easy. Patience is never easy to those of us used to the Microwave generation where everything is instantaneous.
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Hajo and others, If the lady gives you her number and other contact info but says her english isn't good enough to talk on the phone? Believe it. If she sent her phone number, then she wants to show she's fulfilling the request but knows enough to not get embarrassed or get frustrated on the phone. Or have you be the same and give up because of.
Vince, I don't like to admit it but your are right again, haha! Yes, their english is not good, to say in a nice way :rolleyes:
I guess, I have been especially lucky with my lady. She is not good at her english. But we do a lot writing while "talking" on the phone. We did the first talk last week (3,5 hours with many laughs). I had expected 10 minutes or so for the first call!
Well I cannot say why but the ice has been broken rather quick. After the experience I had with Wei Yi I did not expect such fast development in a relationship. But yes, this one is "1 of a million" I think! But I must also say I am lucky with the translator, I talk to the translator on QQ. She supported me a lot! I think this one is just a lucky coincidence of any circumstances.
To get back to the phone. We do not much actual talking. We write a lot and then we try to say some of the sentences we write. It is easier for her to say the english sentences. But we have many laughs when I try the Chinese sentences :P That is although one of the reasons I am not as active in the forum as I have been. Vicky is taking a lot of my time. But I won't miss it!!!
To put all together, I have been very lucky with this one. It depends always on the individual lady. Some give their trust faster then others. I told my lady that it was a good idea to know the voices and we needed some training to be able to communicate when I go their in August. As I said, I was lucky that she agreed to talk on the phone. But she was also nervous like hell as I called her the first time.
And if you get your lady on the the phone, do not *sigh*, she will think it is because of her lack of english! I did once, not because of her english, but because I was so far away from the lady with the beautyful voice. It takes a lot to explain such things when you do not speak the same language. So, be careful what you say!
I wish that more of you guys would have the same expierience! It´s the most wonderful thing ever happened to me!
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I have only been corresponding with my new lady for a couple of weeks but we have discussed phone contact and webcam (although not making any concrete plans yet). After being fooled once I don't want to take any chances this time, I want to see and hear her. I think it is a pretty basic demand to at least talk and be able to see the person you think you might want to marry one day. It's up to everyone to decide for themselves, of course. Personally I just can't see how it would pressure anyone to talk on the phone or watch each other for a few moments via a webcam. So what if she can't speak much English and you can't speak more than a few sentences in Chinese? It is what it is and it is certainly better than not even trying. If you are both interested in each other, this is what you should look forward to! Being nervous about it, though, is completely natural.
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Hans , it's the different culture and upbringing . A simple Phone call might be nothing to you , but for her it might be something huge to overcome . Like you say'd , this is up to each Lady of course , but you must first know which one of the Lady's your writing to ? I myself , when younger was VERY shy about talking on the Phone or even talking English to my Aunt , when I first came to the States . It took me two good year's to loosen up , to be comfortable talking English . That was me and I see it in many of these Women from China too . So this should NOT be your first concern at the beginning . Get to know her first and get her to loosen up ( open up ) and only then , if she hasn't suggested it already , do the phone and e-mail thing . That's only my thought , it's not written in stone , so think about it that way too .