China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: dave k on January 17, 2010, 07:13:34 pm
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first off i'm new pretty new to this site and i spend alot of time looking and reading through the threads and posts. as some have probably seen i'm currently talking to lady that i met through chn and things seem to be going pretty good we have been talking through emf's for almost a month now and wee seem to want the same thing when it comes to our relationship we also have alot in common, but thats not the problem the problem i'm having is that everytime i bring up using web cam she always has an excuse. the same with moving away from using emf's. just wondering if its a sign that i might be being scamed by an agency or is she just scared of moving to the next step. any help or advice would be helpful thanxz
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Dave,
Open a QQ account if you have not already done so, and inist you want to chat with her. Webcam can come a little later. Add your QQ ID in the EMF. You can signup and download the software here. (http://www.imqq.com/)
If' you've been writing a lot of EMFs, the agency will be resistant to giving that revenue up. Insist politely, and if it doesn't work, you could stop writing for a few days and see what happens. It worked for me, I broke the rythm and was added the next day.
Frank
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Dave K, it's hard to say? She might be shy? What are the excuses? No time to? or don't want to?
My lady doesn't like to have her photo taken. But when I asked about a webcam session she said yes right off.
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well Voiceroveip i haven't actually signed up for qq yet i tried once last week and got lost on the site, hopefully now that i have added language packages to my computer i can find my way around better.:s
and vince her excuses are that the weather outside is to cold and that she doesn't have a computer at home so she will have to find time to be able to take time off of work to use the one at the agency. and as for getting her picture taken she said everything has to be nice outside.
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Try this site (http://www.imqq.com/) in English to sign up for QQ
And install google toolbar, it will translate Chinese pages instantly for you.
Sounds to me like the agency is playing your wallet. Which agency is it?
Cheers,
Frank
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David how long have you ben ussing Emf to talk to your lady? how close is the agency to where she lives?
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i'll give the site a try hopefully i can get somwhere with it tonight and i'll defenitly give the google tool bar a try and see if that helps. and the agency i'm using is Nanning OuYuan Marriage Information Consulting Service Co. Ltd. Agency ID: P608
and max i've been using emf's to talk to her for about close to four weeks and from what i understand i can't be to far from where she lives as she personally picks up my letters everyday
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Ok, some say good things about this agency, I experienced direct contact blocking with them and gave up and lost the contact, a cute young woman ...
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Dave sorry I have more questions.How do you know she picks up the letters? Is that something she is writing in the letters to you.?How many letters in a week? How old is the lady? has she ben married before? We need details Dave.the more details we have the better answer we can give you.
The reason I'm asking is because if she lives that close to the agency.A web cam chat shouldn't be a big deal.The agency has web cams.If we are talking say 2 letters a week.Then I would say slow down a little.Don't be in such a hurry.
If she is say 25 and never ben married.and 2 letters a week.This is way to fast to be asking for a web chat.
If she is around 35 ben married before.And you guys.Are writing letters to each other every day.I think a web chat is the next step.
If the women fits profile number 2 and still refuses to do a web chat.I would find somebody else to talk to.But not before I told the lady why I was walking away.I think that would change her mind real fast.Abou the web chat
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I don't know, but guy's and David K, I see a lot of red flags in what david has said....any comments...?
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No red flags , just a lack of information like Maxx's said , and Dave , the girls in China have much better translation software than the western countries have and believe me like others on this forum have found out you can easily stuff up the start and middle of a relationship by getting the words wrong , regards Ying and Robert .
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Hi Dave,
Not wanting to use the webcam is a red flag. If she has a mobile phone then she could probably use QQ on it. Many ladies also have MSN Messenger.
Not taking photos because the weather is bad - well my lady has told me that before, so it's not too suspicious.
Maxx is right - we need to know a bit more about her, like age and what type of job she does.
Vince - my lady is the opposite to yours, she loves having her photo taken. In fact when I was with her I was trying to take photos of landscapes and a beautiful lady kept creeping into the frame lol :icon_cheesygrin:.
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I don't see it necessarily as a red flag. There are many good reasons why a woman might not wish to move away from using emf's. If she is insecure about her poor English skills or appearance, she might not want to put at risk what she has at this point of time.
I would persist with asking for a webcam chat. This has to be done respectfully and kindly and gently, but after some effort I would give it away if there is not progress on this.
I am a big believer in triangulation - you need at least two independent sources of information about anything that matters to you.
If you rely on just emf mails, there's a big chance you're going to end up unhappy. There are just too many guys here (myself included) who have relied on emf mails and found that there is a real gap between the woman you imagine from her emf mail and the real life woman.
If you have another secondary source of information about a person (eg your experience with her on webcam, the recommendation of someone you know and trust, time spent with her when you visit her, etc) then the information you receive through the primary source (eg emf mails) is a lot more valuable to you, since you have a way of verifying it.
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Hi Dave,
I gave an English lesson to 3 ladies from the site in the park a couple of months ago. They where all in relationships and had been exchanging EMF's for some time . One of them for close on a year and they all proudly showed me picture of there boyfriends. I asked if they used web cams and all of them said no and not because they didn't have access to one. I tried to explain that it was a good idea and it would bring them closer to there partners. They all told me that "well maybe he will think I'm not beautiful enough and my English is so bad he will think I'm stupid" I tried to point out that they would have to face this sooner or latter and wouldn't it be better to do this over the net than at the airport. In fact they where all intelligent funny and attractive women but deeply insecure. Even with my wife's encouragement they were still too afraid of what might happen to get online. So even though it's frustrating and I'm not suggesting that it is the same in every case, step lightly. Remember there exposure to westerners is about the same as our's to mainland China's culture. Best of luck to you both.
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i will comment Rocky
1--- if she can pick the letters up then she can web chat
2--- all chinese have a gazillion picks of themselves and family
my wife takes so many pictures i told her we need a computer
for just storing them
3--- is it the translator talking or is the traslator advising her?
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> all chinese have a gazillion picks of themselves and family
Ha! That is so true. My lady's PC is full of photos - mostly of her!
When I went to the Yellow Crane Tower in Wuhan the place was full of Chinese people posing. Even the men were at it. I was a total amateur and my poses were rubbish. I took some great photos of my lady. Some of her poses we stole from other couples, but most she came up with. I have around 250 photos of my lady and we were only together for a week.
I guess if your lady's English is bad or she is insecure then try sending each other QQ messages first. Some ladies have better spoken than written English, for others the reverse is true.
Many ladies will no next to nothing about Westerners. In my lady's city I was the only Westerner. By comparison every UK town has at least one Chinese restaurant.
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well i set up a qq account last night and i'm going to see if she has qq and my lady is 23 years old, and i have asked if she picks them up from the agency and she said she did. and as for how many letters we write to each other everyday, :-/ she's never been married and has no kids. she's an only child and she does paper work for a company in nanning.
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Hi Dave.
I guess as others say, it does depend on how many emf's you are sending, if it is one everyday ie, one day you send the next she replies then i would say four weeks of communicating you should be getting direct contact by now or soon, but reasons for her not wanting the direct contact could be her English skills, how good are they? Also, the problem with emf's is you do not know if the translator is telling her you want the direct contact, they could be leaving that part out of the translation to her to get more emf credits out of you. (i'm not saying this is the case here, but you never know...) Maybe try leaving a note at the end of your emf to your translator saying you would like to get closer to your lady and do they have any advice for you. Things i have tried in the past is saying you still want to use the emf system for the majority of your mails but you would like to send her more than three pictures at a time, or you want to send mp3 files of music that you like to her and does she have a direct email you can send them too? (include your email address too, saying she can do the same) Suggest you have a QQ or msn account (include yours in the message) And would she like to chat with you at a time that is convenient to you both? (again phrase it in a way like you want to see her beautiful smile when you chat to her, and think this is a way that the two of you will feel closer to each other, but do not try to sound like you are pressurising her, or she may feel as you are backing her into a corner, which she will then certainly decline your offer...)
Even if she has no access to a computer. (even if she does not have one, some girls don't like to use the internet cafes as they may not feel safe there) She will most definitely have a cell phone. Maybe you could give her your number first, and see if she offers you hers, so you could ring her or send texts. (But be aware that some mobiles in China are not able to send texts or call internationally) So if she does say that, do not see it as a red flag, but she will be able to receive calls from you. But if you like this girl, i would still give it another month of emf's and then try for the direct contact again, if she still refuses, maybe you should then think about moving on, but this is really up to you as only you can know how far your are into this relationship...
Andy...
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Ok a little tip here, if she's been to college and I would think she has if she's a clerk at 23, she uses QQ and email and Internet, at least at work. If not she probably has a mobile with QQ fundtionality, they cost as little as 200 rmb so they are very very very common, especially in that age range.
Oh and, you all know how you can block a contact in an instant in QQ ... QQ numbers are handed out more easily than phone numbers.
I used the same agency and they had all the excuses in the world to prohibit direct contact. Personally, I gave up due to other reasons, but some have had a good experience. I hope your girl is not called Angel ...
Cheers,
Frank
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Dave the advice Andy gave you is right on.I would go with it.
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Hi Dave,
I dont like to post advice here but what i have read it got me thinking about my experience. After about two months of writing EMF to Linda she had attached professional pictures of herself and everyday pictures of her daughter and parents but none of her. I asked many times for an everyday picture but always an excuse. I sent a short letter to her and said she could send one whenever she could and sent a message to my translator saying that i thought something was being kept from me. I even thought that i was done and started looking at other profiles. In the next letter there was a picture of a beautiful lady sitting on a couch in jeans and a pink sweater. My daughter looked at it and told me that she is a woman too and thought that after sending all those professional pictures she was afraid of sending a everyday picture like that.
Maybe the direct contact is the same with your lady, just nervious about it. If i would have moved on over a picture i would have made the biggest mistake of my life. So for what its worth my advice would not be to hasty about moving on if you have feelings for her. Keep using Emf letters and try to talk to your translator about your thoughts. I know the letters add up to dollars but it is a drop in the bucket to what is ahead. I still use the emf service just not near as much now. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
Kenny
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so i asked my lady if she had an e- mail and a QQ number so that we might talk more often and she doesn't have either but she said she will get the translator to help her set up an e-mail account and also a QQ account i have also talked to our translator about heling her do this and she agreed to help set them up :-/
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Ok well that sounds like a good start ...
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just need to work together and solve the problem
like this just sounded like it needed to be worked out
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installed qq to my computer to send messages to MinYing and now no matter what i do with passwords i can not access the site, aaarrrrggghh, A little help please, Most of the text comes in Chinese
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John , QQ will get upset if you try more than a couple of times with the wrong password , send David E a pm and as you are near he maybe can ring you and step you through , although what I downloaded originally was in English , if you manage to get in settings is on the bottom left 2 in like a serrated cog the you can change to English as your main one , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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John I had the same problem with QQ. After installed and working fine the next time I went to get signed in it wouldn't work even with the correct name and password. I deleted the whole thing and reinstalled it. So far so good?
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John
here is link to QQ International....the English version.
I suggest you dump the Chinese version and re-install this one
http://www.imqq.com/ (http://www.imqq.com/)