China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: 2hip on November 27, 2011, 01:35:56 am
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I am 60 yrs old and I understand how the photo shop skills work. I know that the women I am so attracted to may not look exactly like this. I have read and looked until I am blind. From those who have trampled through the vineyards looking for the best vintages to slake their thirst what is your advice from not only your point of view but your Chinese wife/girlfriend's point of view on this age spread? I would never think for a second of going below 40 years old. But I don't want the woman to feel impinged upon by being married to an old dog. I have been blessed with better than average genetics so don't look to bad for a guy my age. Paint is a little thin on the hood...okay, to be honest it is down to bare metal in spots. But I wouldn't want the woman to feel...oh my goodness, this is revolting to even be seen with this old guy sort of thing.
I know some of the women who are even in their early 30's put stuff like up to 70 years old. Which is so far past hypocrisy that i would have a mental breakdown dealing with it. What do the Chinese women feel is comfortable for them? Please help me out.
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Depends if your going to be living here or back in the USA.
Where I live I am teh centre of attention when out and about. Me being a foreigner attracts attention. Not the fact that my wife is 48 next birthday and I am over the hill! Albeight with my all my own teeth, and hair. Yes the hair is all mine its just the 'Just For Men' that I buy.
My wife says that I should let the colour grow out now and let her see it natural. I told her that I have not seen my hair natural, for 10 years now and asked did she want me to have heart attack when I saw the old git in the mirror.
But seriously when I took her to London last year for a holiday I did not feel in any way embarrassed. Maybe people were looking at me, I did not noticce, as I get so used to be looked at wherever I go here.
But I think in myself if I had a woman on my arm in London who was say 30 years younger than me then I would probably feel uncomfortable.
But in China that age gap is not a problem. My neices sister in law is 23 and Chinese of course she has just married a China man aged 55 they live and work here.
That is no problem with the family, certainly not with me. Of course others may think of them as Father and Daughter but that would not work for a non Chinese background foreigner and a Chinese Girl.
But it boils down to whether you will be embarrassed to be seen about with a young party or not. Many know when I came here I sampled the company of many ladies both young and old but never really felt comfortable walking out with younger ones.
Willy
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Just yesterday , Qing and I were talking about when I first married my late Wife . I was 25 and she was 37 , which here in the States did cause "Me" to be quite embarrassed/uncomfortable with most People staring at us in Public . It bothered me for some time , that I grew a Mustache/Beard to look older . I finally got over it , as you might know .. this has caused unwanted feelings between us . She did not want me to feel embarrassed being seen with her by my side . Mentioning that she also had seven Children already when we first met , also put on a lot of strain with Family Member's and Friends alike . Love for each other , is what got us through this period and it lasted til her passing almost thirty years later .
Now , being married again to my LaoPo ( in '08 ) at 55 and she was 40 .. it is kind of in reverse now from my viewpoint . I got those same kind of stares early on , but in China this time . This time it was "No" problem at all for both of us . Oh .. I noticed those stares , the only difference was ; I was too happy having Qing on my Arm and Qing was also happy/in love .. showing all those chinese Men .. she's not too "Old" to be loved the way a Woman should at her age . I in turn looked at my LaoPo's feeling , as .. all you Fools don't know what you're missing out on . The best years in a Women's Life .
This is of course only from my prospective , as other's will handle it all their own kind of way . Age , what I learned from my experience .. it only matter's .. if you let it matter !
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It depends on your health and how young you feel. If you are in good health and think you are going to last another 20-30 years then I think the cut off should be no more than 20 difference between you. Not because you would look weird with a wife that resembles a grand daughter. You shouldn't care about who stares at you or makes jokes about you because if you are happy and in love then the joke is on them. But you should not reach for something unless you are sure you can handle it. Brother it is so tempting to go for the cute hard body that you dreamed about when you were young man but in fact your body is no longer as young as your brain. Remember at 60 you are pushing retirement and at some point nature is going to tell/force you to slow down. She will want to go do things at her age level and you wont be able to keep up. You and I are about the same age and I set out with a limit of 10-15 years but temptation overtook me and I went for 17 years. I shouldn't have and I hope I don't regret it. But since you are asking about it you have given it some thought and are concerned about it. You should have a heart to heart discussion with any lady you are considering to marry and let her know your concerns and find out if she will continue to accept you as you grow older and less able to keep up with her.
And ( I don't want to dwell on this for too long) there is the consideration of sex. I have had two Chinese wife's and they have been much more active and frisky than any American woman I have ever been with. I am sure they will slow down as they get older but maybe not before you do. Keep that in mind.
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Thanks Guys, there are these two women who are in their early 40's who make me total bonkers...and yet, I know it is like standing on a ladder and stretching to get that last plump apple that is just out of your reach. Catastrophic decision it would seem to go so young. So, that is why I was querying you guys.
I have a buddy, usa citizen, born in England who married a bombshell Russian lady. He is now 67 yrs old and she is 47 yrs old. She just left him for a guy closer to her age and wealthier. He says he is glad it is over because there was so many arguements about this and that. I just don't understand how I could survive such treachery at such a late point in my life. It is another reason that I feel it would just be better all the way around to live there instead of my promiscuous society.
I have really tried to think my way through this very carefully. I was married to a Russian woman who was 14 yrs my junior. But our marriage was ended with her passing to breast cancer after only 3 years. It tore the stuffing right out of me. You haven't tasted a more bitter pint of beer than the bitterness of mortality. So, I don't want to do something stupid this late in the game. I got a kick out of every one of your replys.
The one question that wasn't answered by any of you however, was what do your Chinese wives think of this age spread difference? Please ask them and get them to give you an honest reply uninfluenced by your current relationship with her about what "she" thinks about the age spread deal.
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.The one question that wasn't answered by any of you however, was what do your Chinese wives think of this age spread difference? Please ask them and get them to give you an honest reply uninfluenced by your current relationship with her about what "she" thinks about the age spread deal.
Going by our first contact through Chnlove's EMF's , I had written to her in my first letter .. Hope my Age (54) at the time .. is NOT too old of a Partner to build a Relationship with .
Well I got "My" straight forward answer ... Not at all ! Let me remind you Alex , that she did not know much of anything about me yet .. other then a resent Photo of myself . Believe me , those Women get a lot of information from a Photo . She definitely knew me better , then I from her's .
I also know that age can be secondary to your Girl/Lady , as your Financial well being / Health / Attitude and outlook on Life .. is more important than the age difference .
This is of course the Start of it all , the phycical part is personal for me to really comment on . That is and always will be to a different degree with each individual . That is for you two to work out and better before then later .
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2hip,
You will find that the answers vary on the individual. It appears that the general consensus is 10-15 years. I was thinking around 10 and Peggy is 7 years younger than me. It seems to work for us.
Shaun
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Me...60..(well,nearly 61)........My Ming has just turned 45.
I pondered about age differential when I was "prospecting" in China, many of the 38 + year olds from CHNLove were appealing (and apparently willing !!!)
I discussed the age difference with Ming early on in our relationship (we first met on Blossom, moved over to China Love Links and then to QQ) and she was more concerned with what was in my heart, rather than what was on my passport or in my Bank Account !!
Obviously, she did not want to marry a broken up geriatric, it is just not rational, but the age difference as a set of numbers was (and still is) of no concern to her.
One thing that Chinese Women seek is stability, something they never had before in their previous marriages due to the very prevalent trait of Chinese Men (and please forgive the generalisation) of seeking a "younger model" after the wife has produced the single child and is focussed on home duties. This stability and a level of certainty , in the relationship is vital to them. In this respect an older mature Man is a positive not a negative....less chance of a need to pursue pastures new !!!
Never in our day to day life does the age difference get discussed...it just dont figure !!
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Whenever this subject comes up the main concensus point seems to be around the fact that as the guy gets older he cannot perform so well in the marital bed.
That surely is not the point. The older the man gets the closer he is to popping his clogs. I wonder sometimes whether it is fair to the woman to have a man who could be leaving her a widow at what could be a young age.
Willy
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I wonder sometimes whether it is fair to the woman to have a man who could be leaving her a widow at what could be a young age. Willy
Believe me I've done that many time and everyone should , especially with Kid's included . One can prepare well for such a case , but it doesn't help the Hurt that follows a great loss as your Spouse . This of course is usually the Man's planning , as I have found .. LaoPo does not want to hear about me having thoughts of such topic's . I can not blame her , all I can really do , is take good care of oneself and hope for a long Life together .
We can't take away a (mature ) Man's dream in his last quarter .. if this is what he desires . Must weigh the Pro's and Con's of it all before making such a decision .
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Gentleman, thanks for some very good insights on the second round.
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Gentleman, thanks for some very good insights on the second round.
Except most answers were from the Man's perspective. They all gave good advice but to really answer your question, a woman would have needed to reply.
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I asked my wife that very question and the answer she gave me was that she felt an older man was more stable and reliable. less likely to fool around, something she does not have to worry about with me,why not, because she is everything i have ever wanted in a woman, in and out of bed,
Cheers
Leeroy
PS our age difference is 12 years
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After I received my first "admiration" letter form my now wife back in April 2010, I was very un-willing to reply to her as of the 11 age spread, Of course, same as most men I find a younger woman very attractive but have always been with someone closer to my age "47", I searched through the abundance of other admiration letters and there were no women even close to my age, I did a bit of research on-line and found for some reason that most "Asian" women choose an older man for many different reasons.
I have asked my wonderful wife why she chose an "old man" And her reply was that maturity gives her a sense of security and 11 years difference was not a problem, Her family are happy that she chose an "older man" This time instead of some-one same age as herself, stable, secure, responsibilities,
As for the bedroom antics, My wife enjoys very much what goes on behind closed doors and now realises that "pleasure" is for both people to enjoy, I am only 47 and still quite active in this department ;D, Sex is not everything but love making plays a big part in any relationship, I hope to love and be loved by MinYing for the rest of my days, John.
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As you can see it is clear as mud. Peggy said the same things as Clayton's wife.
Arnold, Peggy doesn't like to talk about my demise either. I do think it is up to the man to take care of. I have a Korean friend, our children went to high school together, her husband died 4 years ago. She is still upset that he didn't plan financially for his death. She'll make it fine. I asked her if they talked about it and she says no, she wouldn't allow it. So I am assuming that asian women think it is our responsibility to take care of it.
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So I am assuming that asian women think it is our responsibility to take care of it.
This is what I see here too . Well I did , to the best I can of course . Even though , she can take care of herself well .. what she has in China already financially coming from Shanghai . Hence I don't have any Kid's of my own , all will go to my LaoPo anyway .
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Well, when I was searching, I found that most all the women were much younger. I am now 60. I was 57 then. Starting around 25 and up sent me letters. This was on a number of different sites. When i replied to them, I got the same answer from all. That with older men they felt more secure and safe and the mature man would treat them better.
My wife is 47 now and 13 years younger. Age has never been an issue with us. I kid her about me being old and she just shakes it off and tells me it doesnt matter. Now my step daughter is 20. She is also a professional model. Very beautiful. We were walking around Tiannemon square. She had her arms in mine. My wife and her friend were back of us a few feet. Two policemen saw us together and said, He must be very wealthy to have that young woman, we should follow and make sure they are ok. I broke up laughing when my wife told me that. People in the States would have thought the very same thing. My point is the same as some of the others. It makes no difference unless YOU make it a problem. The idea at this stage in our life to be happy. It doesnt matter her age, if you satisfy each other, who the f cares?
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I was talking with Miss Beijing about the age difference at great length. It is such a different mind set in China. I took very good pictures...bathing suit, up close face shots...and told her, "look, this is what it looks like at 60" I have been blessed with pretty good genetics so I look okay. But I said i can see the skin changes, eyesight, stamina, and muscle mass changes. She said Alex you look wonderful and I think you are very attractive. I am glad that you are older...and here is the slayer..."you won't have the strength to chase younger women"....gulp!!! If you had Bill Gates cash you might get that kind of response from an American chick. So caveat emptor has been served.
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You will get that remark from most women in China that are over 40. I got the same remark from wife. They trust that your libido had dropped to a level that she can keep you worn down and you wont need or want to chase younger women.
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They trust that your libido had dropped to a level that she can keep you worn down and you wont need or want to chase younger women.
That is .. how it is ! At my Age , it is just that .. they keep you on the Honeymoon thing and you never need to look elsewhere . The way I look at an western Woman "Now" , I'd rather stay single if it wasn't for my Wife .
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I tell you guys you have buoyed my spirits with some of the writings here. Pleasure to be here with the annointed...he he eh
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Arnold, I am with you with all the difficulty in finding and keeping a Chinese wife I just cant bear the thought of settling for a western woman now. Most of the ones on Match.com and others are repulsive.
I have a good comeback for that remark about keeping you worn out so you can't chase a younger girl....well if I'm worn out then I cant run away from them either. Fiona thought that was funny,
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Even an old dog can still bury a bone! ;)
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Even an old dog can still bury a bone! ;)
Yeah... true, but "HE" will do it "AT" home ... not in the Neighborhood! :-[
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Even an old dog can still bury a bone! ;)
But with age there is some memory loss and he may not always remember in which garden he buried the last one! :-X
Willy
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(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTbL8tTx-82nOUQTtbRjoYCh-ebrnt9m5JsXHCeoUixevzSI4bx8A)
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(http://www.pmcaregivers.com/images/trying.jpg)
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Damn paparazzi, i'm suing for harassment, tried of these people taking my picture everywhere I go
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Yea, I'm suing too! ;D
(http://www.pmcaregivers.com/images/sugar%20daddy.jpg)
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He is really 26 yrs old....but he was burying too many bones and got exhausted and wore out...who wouldn't ;D ;D ;D
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2hip,
I agree with Willy, it depends on where you plan to live. In Asian culture 20 years age differences are common, but from an American immigration viewpoint a large age difference can cause problems. I think that as long as the age difference between you and her is 50% or less of her actual age you should not have any problems with immigration. If you are 60 and she is 40 then 60-40=20 50% of 40=20 Best Wishes, Robert
P.S. Did not mean to jack your thread!
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2hip,
I agree with Willy, it depends on where you plan to live. In Asian culture 20 years age differences are common, but from an American immigration viewpoint a large age difference can cause problems.
I wasn't thinking about where I was living! 8) Was considering just how many more I could bury before my 'claws and paws' lose their skills in unearthing the right place for burying the said bone. :P
Willy
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2hip,
I agree with Willy, it depends on where you plan to live. In Asian culture 20 years age differences are common,...
Willy
uh, well, Yuan said if I was over 40 she wouldn't have acknowledged me when I first met her. As it stands, she thought I was only 4-5 years older, but she accepts that I've got 10 on her. However the younger northeastern women appear to have started a concensus (which I've heard and seen on Qzone as well) of no more than 15 years. So under 40 is gonna depend on your income and where she's from
Lloyd
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(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTbL8tTx-82nOUQTtbRjoYCh-ebrnt9m5JsXHCeoUixevzSI4bx8A)
Hey guys this is a photo of our famous Scottish Rob .
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so true mate...hahahaha ;D ;D ;D