China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: JohnB on December 30, 2011, 03:27:59 pm
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My wife's Guangzhou interview was successful on 22 Dec.
So, like many others here, that was exactly our hope and what we aspired to accomplish
the past 7 months.
The Spring Festival is 23 Jan. Also, family farewells. We plan an early March arrival into
the U.S. All is good.
Much of what I see written here is emerging status at China emigration. It is interesting to
witness all the uphill battles of the members to achieve this accomplishment. There are a
lot of stories that lead to the steps of the consulate for the interview. It makes for a good read.
But the next big consequential thing for me is the arrival of my wife to the U.S. It is my reality
time.
I have a question for the members that have their wives or fiances with them. What
happened next? How did you do? What successes or disappointments have you experienced
since your spouse has arrived in your country? Surprises?
Everyone is different, plus throw in the cultural issues. I do not think life is cookie cuttered.
What good advise do you offer for the 'expectant' members such as myself?
I wish "Happy New Years 2012" to all! warm regards, John
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" Disappointments " haha .. haven had any of those yet . After two years together in the States , the only thing that upset's me/us .. it the fact that the continueing paperwork is still as slow as always and the DMV is even slower .
Other then that , it's smooth sailing so far . If you check out my Blog , that will at least give you our account of how it's been going with my Wife here .
Anyway , good luck to you and glad to hear it went well for the two of you .
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A few thing come to mind but I have forgotten a lot in 12 years. some may not apply to you.
Adjustment of status.
Green card,
social Security number.
fingerprinting.
joint bank accounts
legal change of name.
health insurance
drivers lessons-permit-exam ahhhhh!
Contra to what some believe, Chinese can drive. Jing proved it by taking her examiner through a left turn into the wrong lane and proceeded for a block head on into oncoming traffic.
English lessons.
and a lot of misunderstanding, apologising and making up.
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by taking her examiner through a left turn into the wrong lane and proceeded for a block head on into oncoming traffic.
Oh Gezzzz!!! and I suppose the old... One Way! One Way! was replied with I go One Way?
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John First off congratulations to you and your wife.Now the adventure really starts.The first couple of days are going to be a little tough on your wife.Especially if she has never flown on a plane for that long.So the first couple of days in the states.Just let her relaxe.don't try to drag her all over the place.Kind of ease her into it slowly.Watch your wife for signs that she is uncomfortable or tired.It is a huge adjustment.Some of the wive's take to there new lives right away.Some you have to ease them into it.
It was really rough on my wife for the first couple of days.She had never flown in a plane for that long.And the big change in the altitude from China to New Mexico took a toll on her.After a couple of days.Then I started taking her out to meet people and to try some of the local food.
Food is going to become very important to your wife.Find the closest Asian market.Find the closest Chinese restraunt.A buffet style Chinese Restraunt is usually the best to begin with.Your wife can then pick and choose what she wants.With out asking allot of question.Plus that the Waiter or waitress will come by.And it will give your wife a chance to speak Chinese.Which for some reason makes them feel a little closer to China.If you pick a bad Chinese restraint don't worry your wife will tell you.Just remember to try a different one the next time.It may take your wife three or four tries to find the restraint she likes.
Skype,Yahoo,QQ have all 3 downloaded into your home computer or laptop.That she can use.If she can't use a computer.Calmly and patiently show her how to work the computer.They catch on real quick.Make sure that she knows how to Change the language.This computer I'm using has vista professional.I can switch back and forth between English and Chinese with a click of the mouse.I have all 3 downloaded on this computer. Skype voice cost me like 10.00 a month.Some people have had good luck with things like magic jack.Ive never tried it so I can't say.If it's good or bad.Pineau says it works great for him.
Entertainment We have two different TV the one in the master bedroom gets nothing but Chinese TV stations.It cost around 30.00 a month I believe it is called KKTVLN I will look latter and make sure that is right.The rest of her entertainment needs.Are probably about the same as any other woman.Some things she will like somethings she won't.
How to live together is probably going to be the toughest part for about the first six months.Your going to probably run into allot of culture and customs issues.And more then a few misunderstandings.I tell people that if it isn't the end of humanity.And nobody is going to get hurt by it.It probably isn't worth arguing about.How you and your wife handle these issues will determin.How well the relationship works.If you need to explain something to your wife.Do it calmly and rationally speaking in a clear voice using small words.Never raise your voice to a Chinese woman.If you do they tend to shut down.And not hear a word you have said.
Somebody mentioned on here about adjusting your wife's status.Depending on what visa you applied for determines how long you have to adjust her status.If you went the K1 fiancee visa you have 90 days to marry her then you have a month to adjust her statues.If you and your wife have a K3 visa or A CR visa you have up to a year to adjust her status.The sooner you get it done.The sooner your wife can get a SS card,Drivers license,Or go to school.Or go to work.Whatever you 2 decide to do.You can have your attorney send the paperwork to you.Or you can download it off the enternet.Make sure you have plenty of copies of your marriage license.This is also a good time to figure out what name your wife is going to use.In China and to buy airplane tickets for international travel.My wife uses her family name.For any domestic flights,ID,SS card,Drivers license my wife uses my family name.It seems to work out good.
Almost forgot when you adjust your wife's status part of the paperwork is a form.It's called permission to travel.If for any reason you think your wife needs to fly internationally.Before she gets her greencard.You will need to fill out the form.And Waite for the actual permission to travel.When it arrives.She can go back to China if she needs to.When she comes back to the states all she has to do is show border patrol the form.And they will let her back in the states.If she leaves U.S soil before she has the permission to travel.They will not let her on the plane.You will have to go threw a mountain of paperwork again.Just to get her back to the U.S.When the permission to travel arrives there will be two forms that say exactly the same thing.If and when your wife travels outside of the U.S she will need to take both forms.I don't know why.It is just a immigration thing.Sticking it to the people again.
Good luck and best wishes.Your best friend is your wife.And when you can't talk to your best friend or make your best friend understand something.Post the problem here.One of these married guys has probably ben threw it.And can explain what went wrong.
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John
She is coming into YOUR World....without much knowledge about it, without supreme language skills (I assume only OK English) to discuss and debate any issues that may arise.
It will be very strange and scary for her for a while.
One big thing that I needed to watch a lot of the time and keep quiet (difficult for me !!) was her totally different way of doing many things.
In fact, there were dozens of little things each day like that that she does DIFFERENTLY to me. If every time I saw such a difference I made a comment, it would be very intimidating for her, and a loss of face ?
As Maxx said...none of these little things are life-threatening so I bit down on it and went with the flow...let her do it her way.
It was very tough when on day 3 she went through all my cupboards and re-arranged everything to suit her, and on day 4 she had a blitz in the pantry and chucked out anything that looked suspicious !!!
But I just let it go.
Be patient, let her find HER way of doing things, but always be there with help and advice. Sometimes she wont know what to do and will be a bit reluctant to ask you in case you think she is stupid......so watch for it. A case in point was Ming made a dogs breakfast over how our toaster works and the toast got stuck inside...in the nick of time I just stopped her poking the burning toast out of the machine with a kitchen knife...scary stuff !!!
Other than that...laugh a lot ;D ;D ;D
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I think the permission to travel document is or once was called Advanced Parole. The application is the i-131.
I had to get Jing one because she absolutely had to go back to China for new year (before we had her green card)
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The one thing I impressed on my wife when we went to the UK was to definately not thrown your money onto shop counters as they all seem to do here.
Nice full reply Maxx.
Willy
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Maxx and David, I personally want to thank you both for the abundance of information, There are many things in both your posts that i never thought of, I know they will help myself and my wife when she finally comes to Australia, John.
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Thanks much to all. It is interesting read. Just curious if there are failures of sorts. I am sure there must be. After all, different people, different cultures, different presentations. What to be aware of. Did life go from good, to bad, or worst, ugly. I suppose there will always be an on-going, a flowing corrective action.
Oh, it will be a different year. Just got off QQ. Basically 3 hours of Jing clutching her China past or the successes of her good friends with their Western husbands. She is so unsure of things will work for her, that she is defensive. She has mentioned she is spoiled. Having never to break a sweat in life. In the past, she has said to me that she has no desire to leave China, except to be with me, her husband.
Most, if not all her friends, have emigrated.
Anyway, patience & understanding is about all that I exercise. ALL that I can exercise. The next 2 months of whatever awaits. I incorporate all good things into our chats. Her letters are great. When I told her I wanted her with me early March, there were no issues with that. She was receptive. I just think I have to hold her hand on every little baby step that presents itself. As in “reassurance”. I have no problem with this as I want to do this for her.
Yes, everything will be in English. She is coming along with that. She learns with motivation. My hearing is not good. But I will attempt learning Mandarin. I have the Skype, the QQ. Robert Snellgrove mentioned to me of the Chinese television being available on a different satellite. Something I will do too.
Her immigration is CR1, a 2- year conditional visa. My understanding, I think after a month & a half or so, she will receive her Social Security card & work permit. I do not know what she thinks of this. Of course her English is very limited. I place no time constraints on her. Nor will I. She will learn by her way. With my help if she so desires.
I suppose once the novelty of new existence wears off, she will take control of a few things. The house, ala DavidE. My feeling is that she wants control of more than just a few things, like money matters...maybe, PROBABLY, the can of worms in any relationship. A caveat. This China “face” thing is a monster. We will have to sit. Discuss. Crunch numbers. Basically, for umpteen years, I pay all the house bills, all debt, off the computer.
Maxx, I think you are so correct about the food. This will be a trial of sorts. She is very particular about food. I had to eat all the chocolates I brought along my first visit. Go figure. I imagine it's the fresh food markets from now on.
Anyway, I thank all the members for their good input, particularly Maxx, DavidE, & Robert Snellgrove for his good work on immigration.
It will be a brave new world in 2012. The best to all!
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Robert, very, very thorough your response. it is much appreciated, I am sure by many here. again, much thanks, John
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John congratulations
I just got notice today that xin"s application was appoved so now the next step more waiting.
I think I will have alot more gray hair when all is said and done. I think it is worth all of it.
I do wish you all the best.
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Hey Maxx
I am also from New Mexico, Ramah to be exact where are you from? pm me
Transplanted to Alaska what the hell was i thinking?
M
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First of all, Congratulations, John. I just went through the same thing with my fiancee. She is coming to the U.S. right after the Chinese New Year.
Secondly, thanks to everyone else who gave John some good advice about when the ladies first come to a new country. I was going to ask the same question of fellow members, but now will not have to. I am sure I will be referring back to this post often. I think the biggist problem I will have and probably the most important is getting her SS card and adjusting her status. Our lawyer offered to take care of it for $1000, but I haven't decided on using him yet. Someone on another post mentioned giving their wife a certain amount out of each pay check so they would have some money of their own to do with however they wanted. I thought that a good idea and plan on doing that.
Don
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Don the adjustment of your wife's status is easy.All you need is the forms.And a couple of hours to fill them out.And many many copies of your marriage licence.It took me like 2 hours to fill out the papers and make copies of everything I needed copies of.If I can do it anybody can.
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Like Maxx said , it's not that hard . Qing's SS Card came with her Green Card . The only thing with with that , was that both had the Name wrong . So back the Green Card went and as long it was their Fault ( Guangzhou ) it's free .. otherwise it would have cost us about $ 580 .. blood suckers ! Well it was their Fault . The SS card , we just went in the nearest Office and very nice People there ( surprise ) was not a problem at all . Four weeks later she had it back correctly . The Green Card took a little longer . The two year perm. green card adjustment is just like Maxx said .. more of preety much the same paperwork all over . Oh .. and more Money of course . Isn't that the reason for more Paper's / Loops ?
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Someone on another post mentioned giving their wife a certain amount out of each pay check so they would have some money of their own to do with however they wanted. I thought that a good idea and plan on doing that.
Don
On two counts it is a good idea to give your wife some money that she can call her own...
1) She will appreciate the gesture and it is good for her to buy some of the things she wants without reference to you. To give her regular funding for this will be very much appreciated.
2) Further down the track, (here in Aus anyway) we will need to prove that she has properly integrated into my FINANCIAL life (as well as my emotional one !!!) when we apply for her Permanent Residency.
Getting her a seperate account, registering both our names for Utility Bills, Council Rates etc etc proves this integration.
We have a cash card in Mings name into which I put an amount each Month, how she spends it is up to her...but like all Chinese Women, she is very happy to save some of it and watch it grow ;D ;D
She has a different, joint cash card that she uses for groceries and any household expenses. All of the bigger Bills, I pay myself from our Main Bank Account.
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Thanks much to all. I did not give the 'legalize' much thought on my wife's entry. I figured since she is a Chinese national, passport & all, it is best for her to maintain her China identity in all matters China and for her to have my surname on all things America. This latitude maybe is too simplistic. I suppose that dealing with this will be a little more work than I initially thought.
All the monetary events I suppose I will begin maintaining two accounts. Kind of funny in a way, the mundane things like 'personal possessions', 'clothing', whatever of necessity has popped up on the radar. Things are winding down in Beijing. She is mailing home to Fushun her things. On departure from Guangzhou, I had left her a larger travel bag. This travel bag usually allows a weight of approximately 50lb or 25k or so. I figure she will be arriving with two travel bags. I have not the foggiest idea whatever else she plans to bring along. She does have a fair amount of clothing. Jing being Jing probably has a grand design of a flotilla of sorts. Couple of months I suppose I will find out.