China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: TomFisher on June 04, 2009, 05:57:43 pm
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Ok I don’t know how well the search function is on this site but I can not find anything that fits what I’m looking for.
Have any of you had to endure harassment from co-workers because of your decision to take a Beautiful Chinese Bride? I have not told any of my co-workers that I married when I was in China. However, the harassment started just before I left last month. The women are the worst, they are hateful and nasty. I have put up with it for two weeks but I think I will start keeping a journal of all the crap that I am told to my face and the rumors and derogatory comments about my wife. I hate the idea of having to find a new job just when I am bringing wo mei li de laopo to Florida. I have a very different view of Americans after being in China and comparing the people to the US. I absolutely understand where the term “Ugly American” came from and sadly we earned it.
Now don’t get me wrong, I can take all the good natured ribbing you want to send my way. But when women stand in the middle of the room and loudly ask ‘just how UGLY is this woman that would have anything to do with you” in a nasty tone of voice and ugly facial expressions. I think that goes a little too far. If any of you have had to deal with something like this I’d appreciate hearing how you dealt with it.
Thanks.
Tom
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So sorry to hear that mate,....Your the bigger man, ignore these imbeciles, you'll always have the support of the brotherhood here, let what they say in one ear and out the other, but, if another one say's the same, ask her "Have YOU looked in a mirror lately, woof woof ":)
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Hey Remember the famous quote about Winston Churchill and that one lady, that he was a drunk, and he commented that he may be hung over in the morning but she would still be ugly............lol........cant remember exactly how it goes but bet Vince can get it right
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Both Zhifang and I have gotten it. In Zhifang's case, she was harassed by a young man, who insisted that Chinese men were better looking, and stronger. Her reply was that she had waited for 30 years to meet someone in her country, and nobody came along. Now she had fallen in love with me, so basically he could get bent.
In my case, there has not been a lot of people. But some of the few have gotten down right racist with me. These people no longer have a place in my life.
I did not marry a Chinese woman...at least that is not how I look at it. I married an amazing human being that has the most beautiful heart.
Sadly, there are also those that think I married a Chinese woman because it was a sexual fantasy. I really have no time for these people.
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Everyone I have told has been very supportive, encouraging and happy for me. I've only had one comment about "mail order brides" and I don't consider what we are doing as the same thing. There is no real difference between Chnlove and Eharmony or any of the other dating websites. Online dating has become socially acceptable in our society and it seems so in China as well.
"Just how UGLY is this woman that would have anything to do with you”
If someone had said that to me, they would be laying on the floor with a broken nose, man or woman. As a co-worker, that kind of talk should be punishable under some sort of labor law, no? It would in Canada.
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I have had one person. The man i have known literally all of my life. he was at the hospital, the day I was born. He asked my why I would marry a Chink. I told him until he got down on his knees and kissed her ass he could go screw himself.
Tom ,i would have asked her if she knew what the letters FO stood for.
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Sorry Tom to hear about your story. Can't say I'm terribly surprised considering some of the stories I have read from gentlemen trying to find good women here. It seems like our women want total control of the relationship and when we don't follow what they consider the appropiate standard, they feel threatened for some reason.
I have to admit that I experienced the discrimination myself as a younger man. It was when I was in the Air Force and stationed overseas. If I was near a base or in a bigger city I would always hear the saying "Damn American. There is three things wrong with them. Overpaid, oversexed and over here". None of these people ever tried to talk to me. They would take one look at my haircut and that was all it took.
I will give you some hope though. I was worried as my relationship blossomed about what someone dear to me would think. They had shown in the past to have passive bigotry. My mother. But as recent as last week, I noticed a definate turnaround in her attitude. She knows that I will be going to meet my lady in 10 days. She wished me good luck and hopes that Wei is all I hope her to be. So you see, there is always hope for the heart to change. Best wishes
Kevin
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Both Zhifang and I have gotten it. In Zhifang's case, she was harassed by a young man, who insisted that Chinese men were better looking, and stronger. Her reply was that she had waited for 30 years to meet someone in her country, and nobody came along. Now she had fallen in love with me, so basically he could get bent.
In my case, there has not been a lot of people. But some of the few have gotten down right racist with me. These people no longer have a place in my life.
I did not marry a Chinese woman...at least that is not how I look at it. I married an amazing human being that has the most beautiful heart.
Sadly, there are also those that think I married a Chinese woman because it was a sexual fantasy. I really have no time for these people.
Amen brother truer words have not been spoken, I agree we have married amazing women who have more beauty than any western dog could ever imagine.
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Kevin...have a fantastic trip!
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Kevin...have a fantastic trip!
Thanks Martin. May I have half of your luck and you twice the happiness that I have had so far.
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Hey Remember the famous quote about Winston Churchill and that one lady, that he was a drunk, and he commented that he may be hung over in the morning but she would still be ugly............lol........cant remember exactly how it goes but bet Vince can get it right
I think Ozzy Ozborne said it best. "When I wake I'll begin feeling better all day long. You'll feel the same as when you woke up." A reference to his past heavy drinking. Hehe.
I'm in California and mixed marriages is the norm here. I haven't heard one bad word about marrying my wife except the retoric from my ex-wife but who'd count that?
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Tom I am shocked. This woman did this? I have a few comebacks straight from the hip for her.
I heard it all (almost all) from relatives and friends. A mail order bride to she wants a green card. But I don't care, they have no idea.
I'm happy, she's happy and the rest can go....
Norb you were so close. I forgot he said this. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
But he said something else that fits here.
A man does what he must - in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures - and that is the basis of all human morality. Winston Churchill
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Same here .. as Vince , mostly family and friends . But also some of our Customer's , it's not so much the Woman I have found , it's China itself . Why would you go to a Communist Country is alway's the question ? Their dirty even mentioned filthy , and than comes .. what they all eat . Now that makes me sick and used to get me upset , but now being married to my wonderful Wife , they can all go and be with their bautiful western Woman and kiss my Ass . At least my Family see's thing's differently now , otherwise they can kiss the other cheek .
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I am getting it from my co-workers. I guess it was a mistake to tell people at the office that I am now officially engaged. I was just so happy that I decided to share. I have found that giving out personal information at work is usually a mistake. Always best to keep my personal life to myself. Usually at best I am considered eclectic and do not fit in. And after years of rejection and having my heart broken by western women I really don't give two shakes for their opinion anymore. Anna and I are in love and very happy. But I get everything from wierd comments to outright laughter from my co-workers. So I just put up my favorite picture of Anna as my desktop background. It is Anna's opinion that counts in the end since she is going to be my wife. My idiot co-workers can go sit on the big high hard one!:@
Big Dave
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You said it yourself mate, it's not what others think, it's all about what YOU and ANNA think, real friends will support your decisions on anything in life...........:)
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You know even when I dated off the local personal ads years ago I didn't tell many how we met. I think it's like watching porn. Nobody wants to admit to it. Knowing the comments that will follow.
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I just tell people that i met her in China and she's Chinese, my friends are happy for me , i guess I'm lucky in that respect.
If any of them started making comments , well they wouldn't be my friend any more.
In work my colleagues are from the four corners of the earth - due to the nature of the work its hard to find people here to do it so my employer brings them to here. I think that leads to a far more open minded bunch of people, several of the guys have married Irish girls so the idea of me marrying a Chinese girl doesnt seem strange or unusual to them at all. They are like a bunch of old women in the main asking when's the wedding :)
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Amongst my friends here in Australia, people seem to meet through the internet as much as through the usual way (eg at the pub or through mutual friends).
Here in Melbourne nearly half of people were either born overseas or had a parent born overseas, so it's just really normal.
Everyone has a story about someone they know who has married a Chinese person: sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. Which is about the same sort of success rate as any other ethnic group.
There is a big Chinese population here in Melbourne and they fit in just fine here. They fit in really well and so no-one thinks anything of anyone who dates a Chinese woman. Even socially, Chinese people don't just socialise with other Chinese people, they are happy to socialise with Australians and any other ethnic group.
Some communities (eg those from the Horn of Africa and the Middle East) find it a lot more difficult to settle here in Australia. But the Chinese, they've made a great success here and good luck to them.
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Lady Astor to Winston Churchill "If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee" his reply "If you were my wife, I'd drink it!"
Most of my co-workers are middle age women, I told them all about my engagement to a Chines lady. After all the usual questions/ veiled insults,like She's just marring you to get out of China or for your money and my favorite, does she know what you look like! :D
Things have calmed down some what. Well to my face anyway.I know them all quite well, out of the seven of them only one is happily married, one has been living with an old time biker for the last 15 years and is very happy,She said to me the other day that she was going to see the boss about sexual harastment at work, I said ,why whats happened? Oh she said I'm not getting any! the rest are divorced and bitter.I think there lonely but with their attitude they are going to stay that way.they spend there evenings downing bottles of wine,watching junk Tv and spending loads of money on cosmetics. I don't think there in any position to criticize me, so if they try to insult me I just sit them down and try to explain, Usually start with some thing like "Do you remember what it feels like to be head over heels in love?"
My friends know what I'm like so are not surprised at all ! As David said It's what my future wife thinks thats important.No one else :D
Groucho Marx quotes,
Now there's a man with an open mind -- you can feel the breeze from here!"
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Have you seen much of Cinderella since the wedding?
You can't dress up a turnip
You'd make a good burglar - your arse would rub your footprints out.
Haven't told my ex wife yet, not that stupid!!!!
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The only time Iv'e ever experienced something like this was in China.And it was from the people sellimng things that I wouldn't buy.So they were trying to get back at me.
Friends family coworkers have all been supportive,I have seen a few people stareing but that is it.
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A customer of mine married a Thai girl , theres a lot of behind the back , ''bargain basement model'' , ''Ting Tong'' jokes , but they dont have the balls to say it to his face , I've seen them together .. He loves her and She Loves him , So GOOD ON THEM ... They are winners ! , who cares what small minded (jealous) fools say , what business is it of theres?
To be honest my relationship to my Chinese lady is not yet public knowledge (i keep my private life , just that private!) and i do have concerns (for her) that someone might say something to upset her , but rest assured if they do i will shoot them down in verbal flames and if my lady is with me i will kiss her with love and passion and walk off hand in hand with her , laughing
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I stopped in a restaurant/bar tonight on the way home to get some dinner. i have been in there a number of times so the bartender knew me. There was a single 35 year old woman sitting there. He and I started talking about my upcoming trip. She of course butted in and asked why I was going. I told her to marry a very beautiful woman. She asked if she was chinese. I told her yes. She said, "I am very offended". I asked her why. she said what is wrong with American woman. She said dont you want someone who knows who they are and what they want, not someone who just follows orders? I said, that is exactly who I am getting. She had earlier told me that she had a 19 year old daughter and she had never been married. So you are 35 have never been married, why? Dont you know what you want and who you are? Can you honestly tell me how many of your friends know what they want? My Chinese fiancee knows exactly who she is and what she wants. She is a woman who has a very good career, and wants a real man to love her. She knows she loves me and I know I love her. Apparently you have no idea what you want or who you are. Because if you did, you would have found someone and would not be sitting in a bar at 6 o clock on a Friday night trying to find love through a bottle and be offended by someone who has found exactly what he wants. She of course tried to turn it around by saying she could not find a good man. I told her dont you think it is too damn difficult for both of you trying to wear the same pants at the same time? I said a real man wants a real woman. By that time i had gotten my order. So I just laughed at her and walked out. I looked back at her when I reached the door. She was looking at me like she had no idea what i was talking about. I gave her the thumbs up sign and left. I laughed all the way home.
God, I am so glad i found who I was looking for and not searching the "lost American woman syndrome".
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I had to reread it twice. She is 35 and has a 19 yo? I don't need my calc to figure this out? She's been sitting at that bar for many years. :dodgy: Unless she lied about her age? But your right, I should be so impressed by a barfly. Yeah she's worth marrying. :icon_eek:
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I told her dont you think it is too damn difficult for both of you trying to wear the same pants at the same time? I said a real man wants a real woman.
LMAO!! that got a loud chortle from me :icon_razz: