China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: markymark on August 26, 2009, 09:03:06 pm
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Hello everyone, first of all thank you for this forum, your experience, combined knowledge and wealth of information, it is most helpful. I also like the banter you guys have, it's very funny.
I am trying to give as complete a picture as possible and apologise for the length of this letter, but, to the more experienced people, they may see something I cannot.
My quandry is: I was contacted by a lady saying she liked my profile and we had things in common. In fact we had many things in common. We seemed to get along great and were of like minds regarding the future and of what we wanted. She was honest and said that there was some guy who was writing to her. I got the feeling she had been trawling the site while writing to him and then contacted me, ( her perogative to do so ). In less than a week with 3 very long letters each she was on about making a choice, I told her she was free to do what she thought was best for herself and that we are both free to walk away from this if desired. I thought that she had opted for the other guy. I prepared to move on and thought nothing more about it. Her unexpected next letter was about Chinese wedding traditions and that I could choose our wedding but she would prefer a Chinese wedding because she has never been married. She also sent a questionnaire for me to answer, all of which came as a massive surprise. She must have been busy learning how to use google translator and gave me her email address to send the reply to probably because of the personal info from the questions I reckon. They were nothing sexual but the innuendo was very subtle and the answers may have been a little embarrassing in front of an interpreter. She also requested some more photos which I sent. I have heard nothing from her for 5 days. This is not like her because she answers promptly. I know she was going home from Hong Kong to Shenzhen because it was her birthday early this week, also her father's birthday is sometime this week too and I guess all the family will be together. In view of the above I am not sure what to do. I have written to her but had no reply, so I am thinking of moving on due to lack of communication. I know it is an open question but would I be doing the right thing, am I being fair to her? Do they normally tell you if they wish to stop writing assuming that is the case. I just wondered if anyone had experienced a similar thing and what do they make of this.
Many thanks for your time.
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Mark,
I do not have a lot of experience but have talked with a few women. She could simply be away with her family and didn't bother you with the small details. I can't remember one time a woman telling me she was going away but told me she really missed me when she came back.
It is up to you as to what you would do but I would give it a few more days before leaving. But don't take my word for it let see what the others say.
By the way Mark, welcome to the brotherhood you have already and will continue to find good information here along with a wide range of opinions.
Shaun
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Mark , Shaun is right . When chinese Family get together , you must wait it out , because you are not part of their Family just yet . They feel , they do not need to tell you ... for some reason I don't understand sometimes . Do give her some more time . I guess you havn't been around during Chinese New Year yet . Some might wait two week's then . If you like her , don't give up so easy .
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Good idea to start mentioning the Chinese New year now. It will be a long time for some of our guys to not get letters. Family time is very important, and writing letters gets put on the back burner at times.
I am curious about this questionnaire...what was this about?
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My lady told me she was going to a spa with her Uncle, (retired general), no communication, did ask the translator and she explained the custom. Also no pressure from the local agency for EMF money. Seems everyone understands this is just the way it is with family time.
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Mark, Go into your account and in the send link see if she got that last letter? She may have gotten it but is waiting to reply later when she has the time back home.
Processing your application may take longer then she thought? :icon_cheesygrin:
What they said about the family thing is true. Give her a few days more.
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I hope to get married during the Chinese new year, hope I'm allowed in the celebrations for that one :P:icon_eek::icon_razz:
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Anyone know when the Chinese New Year is in 2010. Our New apartment in Shaoguan should be fitted out in January and it maybe a good time to move in during the celebrations.
Willy
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According to here (http://www.apples4theteacher.com/holidays/chinese-new-year/when-is-chinese-new-year.html) its February 14th.
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Hey Irish , sounds like Willy will have an open house around Chinese New Year time , maybe we should book out a local hotel for Brotha's and wives/ girlfriends , hehe .:icon_cheesygrin:
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Sounds good to me Robert, parrrtaaay!
Willy, start stocking up on booze :D
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Wow Willy thanks for inviting us all to a party at your place on the new year.
I will be living in guangzhou then and not to far from Willy so i could make
arrangements at a hotel there for some members also.
Willy are your catering this out or are you having Xia do all the cooking???
Maybe i could ask Sisi if she wants to help Xia.
hahahahahaha take care
Ted
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Willy I'll bring the Dumplings....:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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SRob your better forget the dumplings especially if Martin has been invited, you wont be able to afford them......LOL
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Oh Oh I forgot, willy I bring something else mate...lol:angel:
Thanks for that Norb, God that could have cost me a fortune...Phew:s
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Just have Ronan make the dumplings, a lot of them, I want some too, Zhou and I'll bring the hot pot :icon_biggrin:
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Chinese New Year falling on the same day as Valentine's day. Match made in heaven
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When did Christmas day, last fall on New Year's Day?
Does anyone know???
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Mark , Shaun is right . When chinese Family get together , you must wait it out , because you are not part of their Family just yet . They feel , they do not need to tell you ... for some reason I don't understand sometimes . Do give her some more time . I guess you havn't been around during Chinese New Year yet . Some might wait two week's then . If you like her , don't give up so easy .
Arnold, after my experience, Chinese New Year is always going to be the blackest time of the year for me. There is no way I am going to be anywhere near the place in February. Too many unhappy memories. Anyhow I am back to Zhuhai in a couple of weeks. I am taking my daughter this time. She is a really sweet kid and I enjoy her company. So no matter what happens with my relationship, we're going to have a blast.
I agree with you about time passing. As a general rule, when you are with a Western girl, if they don't ring every day it's because their feelings are cooling toward you. By contrast, and as a general rule, if you don't hear from your Chinese girl for a week or two, it might mean nothing at all. Her feelings will not have changed one way or the other. It should be noted that she might not have had any feelings for you in the first place, but if she did have feelings for you, then they will not have cooled. In fact, if you can stay relaxed, and not go bananas during that time (which I have to confess, I have come close to doing), you can come out of these gaps looking better than you did before.
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Yeaaaa! Party at Willy's for New years. i will be back then too. Willy will you have enough floor space for people to pass out on? Hopefully you will have hardwood floors as carpeting is sometimes tough to get clean after one of these things. LOL
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Lol, I think Willy has gone into hiding!!
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markymark
You should get used to this situation.
My wife doesn't tell me everything... I guess she thinks that she should not bother me me small issues.. If she ask or tell me things it is usually more important things she want to talk about. She is in charge of the household and is capable to make her own decisions..
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Lol, I think Willy has gone into hiding!!
Isn't that the usual way with those bloody Londoners...heheh:angel:
Is the Party 'fancy dress?'...:icon_cheesygrin:
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Yeaaaa! Party at Willy's for New years. i will be back then too. Willy will you have enough floor space for people to pass out on? Hopefully you will have hardwood floors as carpeting is sometimes tough to get clean after one of these things. LOL
Carpet s there are no such thing down here - everywhere is tiled. Every to clear the mess up. No hiding lads - just been locked away trying to decide how to say - '36 for dinner in january.' and then escape with at least one arm and leg intact.
No seriously she would not do that - only goes for the places where it wont show.
Willy
Lol, I think Willy has gone into hiding!!
Isn't that the usual way with those bloody Londoners...heheh:angel:
Is the Party 'fancy dress?'...:icon_cheesygrin:
Bloody Londoner - i have not told her about 36 to dinner yet - are you a fortune teller?
Willy
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Thank you guys for your advice and for the welcome Shaun. I guess it is just a bit of a surprise with disappearing like that. To my mind it does tend to show a scant consideration for someone.
Yes ,Arnold I do like her but now I am non-plussed and will get on with some other plans for going to China.
Martin if you want a copy of the questionnaire pm me and I'll send it to you.
Vince, I got the feeling it was like an application, Hmmmm I wonder if it pays well and has good benefits. Part 2 of the application might be meet the parents! ha ha
Danny the thought had crossed my mind as to her real feelings, it was just the part about choosing our marriage and to me it seemed too early to talk about that especially that we have not met. I got the feeling she was in a hurry to marry.
Peter, I guess that is how they are.
Willy, What is the Chinese view on an even number for a party, is 36 a good number? They say many hands make light work maybe get your D I Y list ready if need to.
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What do you mean 36...Willy there are bloody 240 members on here....LOL:angel:
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What do you mean 36...Willy there are bloody 240 members on here....LOL:angel:
it is looking better all the time. If you use numerology then the base number of 240 is 6. If I am not mistaken, 6 is the luckiest number according to the Chinese, well we hope Willy thinks so too. LOL
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Markymark,
Sorry Mark 8 is the lucky number the Chinese favour most. The more 8's the better!! ..haha!!
David....
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Lucky numbers or not. I have been reequested to attend the Public Security Bureau on Monday afternoon.
Friday morning a police officer was knocking on my door and wanted my passport and to see my lease agreement for the apartment. Of course my girl was here with me that did not go down to well. Well he realised she was not just visiting by the fact she was in Pj's and I was in my boxers!!!! Fancy dress party - no way at 9.30am.
It was not just a special visit to my place they called at every apartment. So now I have been called to the PSB so anyone staying at any place other than a hotel then do not forget to register before being called.
Hopefully all will turn out well and i will let you know - in my favour is the fact that I had a week back in UK and only came back into China on 12th August.
Willy
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Markymark,
Sorry Mark 8 is the lucky number the Chinese favour most. The more 8's the better!! ..haha!!
David....
I stand corrected, thank you David5o. I knew it was 1 either side of ' lucky number 7 ' and for me 8 has always been... well not so lucky :s especially with cars or house numbers. Maybe that's why I was nearly sure it was 6.
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That is why the Olympic's last year started on 08-08-08 at 8pm
Also , that is why Nik and I got married on the day in China . I had nothing but good fortune since .
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That is why Nik and I got married on the day in China . I had nothing but good fortune since
Mmmm which one wore the Dress?
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You Son of a Gun .. Vince . You caught me good there . Hahaha
I guess Nik will have a laugh there too .