China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: JimB on June 15, 2010, 11:38:28 pm
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Listen, I have been a member for quite some time. I thought I had a woman who really loved me. I went to China 4 different times and spent months with her. I thought she really loved me for me. We were married in August of 2009. A lot of you have read my posts. I was completely fooled by her and her family. I am not an idiot. I really thought it was love. At least I loved her. But, in the end it was always about the money. You can think all you want but not one woman in China wants you. She wants security and to be taken care of. Once I told her I questioned her love for me and would not pay any more money to her or her daughter until I felt sure, she said she no longer wanted me. Of course she couched the words in different things, like she thought I didnt love her enough, etc. So now I am divorced from her. I was taken in and I am not innocent or naive. I was taken. You can all think what you like. But, I will never trust another Chinese woman. All they are ever after is money and security. No Matter what they tell you or how they act. That is all they want. you all can do whatever you feel like but that is the gods honest truth. I will never trust another, I dont care what they say. I thought I knew what was correct and thought she truly loved me for me. She passed a lot of tests that i did but when push came to shove, that was it. Like i said, you all do what you will, but buyer beware. I am telling you all this for your own sake.
Do what you want.
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Jim...so you know, the members were not aware of your situation...I had only said that for personal reasons, you were leaving the forum. But since you have decided to let everyone know, I want to publicly tell you how sorry I am that this is happening to you. I will send you an email shortly with some important information.
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Do you really thing any western woman are different?
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:( :( :( :( I'm speachless Jim . Just a couple weeks ago , I met up with Ed in San Diego .. who went through the same you have . I could see what it has done to him deep down , even though he is a strong Person and wont let it show much ... but I felt it being next to him . How hurt he's been and still is .
Maybe this has told us something valuable , as to NOT get married in China after all and bring the Lady to your Country first .. to really see how serious they really are to be with you and not your money instead .
Not that I now have to worry about my Wife , not at all .. she has more than I have and so does her Family . So , I can really say it's NOT for the money in our case . I can't speak for other's and their feelings now hearing this about your " Angel " . What a fitting Name with a BLACK heart .
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The reason I looked to China (must have said this many times) was to get away from the money hungry women, like my ex. More and more it became apparent in the younger chinese women. Now it seems it's expanding to the over 35 women? I know your pain Jim. Sorry to hear this.
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Sorry to hear that Jim, Your a good man and deserve better than this. My heart goes out to you my friend.
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Well, I am actually having a discussion with my wife about this right now. I have seen Ed go through this, and I have seen Jim now going through this. All I can say is, i know my wife isn't coming here for the money. I don't have any. I work for my money, and my wife knows how tight is can be for me at times. She has watched me struggle through this recession, and has stuck by me through these difficult times.
But I have to admit, I am pretty upset about what has happened here. Two of my friends have now had this happen. Two guys who have been with us since the early days of facebook...in fact, i think they were both members within the first month. Jim had quite a few struggles in the beginning with agency problems as well. How can we defend ourselves against women that can play the game so well, provided there is money coming in?
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Can I ask the age differences? I'm courious if there a relation...
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Sorry to hear of the troubles you are having Jim. I do hope you will come through this ok.
Dave C
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Unfortunately there is no defense. Believe me. I consider myself a good judge of character but I got fooled. I didn't see it till it was way to late. I didn't have the big bucks either. But she had her center of interest on the family $$. I was only fortunate enough knowing my family doesn't part with their money to easy. It was the 6th year of marriage when I cut her off (said business was bad) and that's when the s**t hit the fan. It was a test and she failed.
With our way of living, even moving there and not spending as much is more then the regular guy spends there. So maybe changing your way of living hardcore would flush them out before time.?
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$$ is always a problem, Love no problem ... but sometimes $$ kills Love....
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Maybe just blunt honesty. Tell her near the start that if she is looking for a sugar daddy to keep moving on because she won't get one with us and we will not tolerate that type of woman.
Dave C
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Jim I'm truly sorry to hear this.You deserve much better then this.
Jim I'm sorry brother I really like you.And I respect you.I was just going to tell you I'm sorry then leave it at that.But I can't just walk away.Without telling you what I think really happened.I don't think it was about the money.The money was just something to start a fight over.I think your wife's daughter got inside.Your wife's head.And started rewiring your wifes thinking.Until it suited her.
I have seem this game played out before.The kid acts up spits poison in the mother ear.And gets the mother to start having weird thoughts about the new husband .The kid gets jealous and starts talking bad about the new husband.Because they are not the center of attention any more.
So think about that for a while.When you are a little calmer.Then try to work this out with your wife.I would be willing to bet.That the daughter.Is nice to your face.And spitting poison in your wife's ear.
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I believe that in the time I have been on here there has now been three divorces from Chinese women.
Sad as it is we must remember this is a low percentage of the actual marriages that have taken place.
How many men have married in the past twelve months or more?
Western marriages fall apart at a much higher percentage rate.
The number of relationships that flounder is also no higher than if it was a westen couple and I do not count any that were only conducted by telemedia methods. I mean before you have met face to face.
It is just that we are in a sort close situation here where every knows about everyone.
Before one puts the blame squarely on the woman we must look inside ourselves and see whether anything about us could have been a contributory factor.
It is almost a Brettism to jump in and blame the woman everytime.
Willy
Thats a new one - Brett has an 'ism' named after him.
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Jim, what a shock to wake up and read your letter. Since we are of the same age and from the same area, your letters and accounts of your trip were a big part of my working thru some issues with Xiuru. I would agree with the others, that getting married in China rather than getting finance visa is more risky. Not to mention that the finance visa seems to be quicker. I would like to share some information with you and the brothers from my last trip.
I was in the park early Sunday morning. Xiuru and I along with the 18 year old son of some friends. We were playing a game of badmitten, during a break in the action, the boy turned to me and said that he could not marry a Chinese woman. He stated that the Chinese woman below the age of 35 were more interested in money and status than they were in family and traditional values. He was asking me if i knew of any American girls that had traditional values that he could contact. After our talk, i would look at the younger ladies shopping and in their daily life actions. I could see he was correct.
From the very beginning, Xiuru and I agreed that she had to commit to 3 months in America before marriage. i have fought off family and friends to keep this agreement in place. As much as I love her, there is still the issue of when it is time for the rubber to hit the road and for her to come to America, she will not. She wants a home in Anshan. I said only after I retire. so as you can see, as much as i see our many years of happiness together, until the time we get married here, and have some time here in America. I will have some doubts.
I wish you the best, i am truly sorry for the pain and hurt you are having in your life at this time. buzz
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Jim what can i say that hasn't already beeen done so.... :(
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Jim, it was a very big surprise as I saw your message. Especially because your wife is in the "mature age". I have been living together with my wife for almost 10 month now. She told me that younger ladies are mostly interested in money and values.
I have seen it myself too, when I went to China. Maybe Maxx is right. It might be the daughter. I remember in one of your letters you mentioned that the daughter wanted a laptop and other stuff from you.
I hope things will get straighten out for you. All the best wishes from here to you!!
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yes sometimes it is all about the money but i dont think it is in this case. seems to me from this post and all the others
you wrote before it probably is the little spoiled brat who is the instigator to all this. i wish the best for you Jim and i hope
that maybe the two of you can sort thru this and overcome it. everyone here is pulling for you. not knowing all the details
and how long its been going on but i would also advise maybe talking thru this more with your wife before a divorce is done
to see if you can salvage it just a thought best wishes
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what's the problem here, you got what they want, they got what you want, it's a fair trade.
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what's the problem here, you got what they want, they got what you want, it's a fair trade.
now I don't agree with this comment.From your post i have seen here. do you apply this to your relationships
with the ladies? it sounds like the comments i hear here in china all to often to say the least
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Jim I am very sorry to hear about this, you seem very bitter about it. I wish you had discussed the money thing with us before cutting her off, it was an ultimatum that women all over react badly to I think.
That said, it is done now.
You have my very best wishes. You were definitely one of the guys I'd have liked to meet one day over there on vacation.
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what's the problem here, you got what they want, they got what you want, it's a fair trade.
I did not know that love and relationships were a "fair trade", meeting your partner half way maybe.. The only problem for your post that I can see is your post. What have you got to trade that makes you say this?
Jim you have my hear felt sympathies and all the brotherhood is here to support you.
Sincerely Jason
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Ok before I have to fix any more post.rhodtsao is stating his opinion.It is just his opinion.If you don't like his opinion that is your right.Lets keep the posts.On the subject matter.Don't make me close this thread.
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Hey Jim,
I've been sitting here trying to think of what to say. I've got a lot of conflicting feelings thinking about your situation. I know you must feel really hurt and angry. If I knew what would make you feel better, I would. You're a guy just looking looking towards his dream...
We're beside you buddy. I think whoever said it might be the daughter could be right, but only you would be able to confirm that.
We're here if you need us.
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Sorry to hear about this. Hope you get through it without changing too much as a person.
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Hey Jim,
Like everybody else says we are here for you.
Dave C
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Jim,
I'm stunned. You were on your way to China when I came to this forum. I can recount some of your trips. All I can really say is that I am sorry it came to this. I knew something was not right because you had not posted in a while but I was too busy to call. I'll try to call you when I get back to the US.
I think it is pointless to speculate the issues here guys. There isn't enough info and I don't think Jim will want to drag anymore out in front of us. All we can really do is be supportive at this time so I am with Maxx. Stay on subject and support a hurting brother.
Jim if you are reading this. If there is anything I can do, let me know.
Shaun
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Sorry to hear this Jim.
When I met the Japanese guy from the Japan introduction agency he did warn me that Chinese women (especially those under 40) were often looking for rich guys rather than love. The fact is that very few Japanese ladies on sites like Japan Cupid are looking for older men, so I think that speaks volumes. He also warned me that divorce is too easy for Chinese people. He did have good things to say about Filipina ladies, so maybe this is a route worth considering. I didn't think Filipina ladies were that beautiful, but a couple of weeks ago I saw one of such astonishing beauty on the arm of a businessman in London that I have had to re-evaluate the Filipina option.
From my own experience I'm not sure what Miss Wu was after, but I don't think it was money. I don't think she knew what she wanted either!
I've also heard that a lot of asian women do change as soon as or soon after you marry them. This is another reason why I like the Japan option.
As to me I'm still pursuing the Japanese route - the great thing about this is that they won't be marrying me for my money as the ladies I'm talking too all seem to have more cash than I have!
By the way, wise man from Japan also say that finding a good wife from ANY country is extremely difficult. I think we can all agree on this!
I hope you get over this. I'm still gutted by what happened with Miss Wu, although I am warming to the new lady I'm writing to.
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When I met the Japanese guy from the Japan introduction agency he did warn me that Chinese women (especially those under 40) were often looking for rich guys rather than love.
He did have good things to say about Filipina ladies, so maybe this is a route worth considering. I didn't think Filipina ladies were that beautiful, but a couple of weeks ago I saw one of such astonishing beauty on the arm of a businessman in London that I have had to re-evaluate the Filipina option.
I've also heard that a lot of asian women do change as soon as or soon after you marry them. This is another reason why I like the Japan option.
By the way, wise man from Japan also say that finding a good wife from ANY country is extremely difficult. I think we can all agree on this!
A) That's a bias statement. He's there to promote Japanese ladies & his agency.
B) On the contrary, Fillipino ladies are one of the worst. I have firsthand info from a friend in Toronto who's in the process of bringing his bride over. Most Fillipinos ladies are after money & green cards. They're among the poorest income earners compared to China or Japanese.
C) Isn't Japan part of Asia too ?
D) No kidding Sherlock. You don't need a wise Japanese man to tell you that.
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I am shocked how can you judge the woman by just hearing the complain from the man? It is most difficult to tell who is right or wrong concerning the issues within a family. Let's say, Jim and his wife have got married and divorced. You think the woman is not hurt after a divorce? Her friends and families admired her when she married a foreigner, but now she was dumped because she needed money to make sure her daughter have a better life? I think it is just not fair you hear the comments from one side? Does anyone of you know the real situation? And anyone give a chance for the woman to defend herself?
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> Isn't Japan part of Asia too ?
Well yes and no. It's pretty unique and not really like anywhere else. It's certainly not at all like China.
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I haven't spoken out to much lately, basically busy pulling things together, But I have to say something about these last two posts by Alex and Bret.
First up, Alex, In one way I understand where your coming from on the hearing the other side of it. BUT you are new here and maybe haven't read it all as of yet? You say she needed money to give her daughter a better life? There's a difference between a better life and being more spoiled. You haven't read where the daughter put something in his food that made him very ill for a few days, just because. And Yes, some of us do know the real situation.
Bret, I haven't said one word of your posts all this time, good or bad. But this one takes the cake. The word "redundant" comes to mind. Every asian country is unique, and it doesn't matter what you THINK of it... JAPAN IS IN ASIA. AND "It's certainly not at all like China"?? That's like saying the Bentley is nothing like the Rolls Royce? D'UH!!!
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Vince,
Is that why he was sick when he was in china? I had read in a thread about him being sick in china somewhere. I don't remember which thread it was now. But, she really put something in his food? I did not know this. I gotta find that thread. This would put a whole new spin on things.
And about Bretts' posts, i just get Willys' new word for it in my head, Brettisms. ::) Sorry Brett but that is just how it is now.
Jim,
Maybe it is a good thing you are out of this relationship. I don't want to sound harsh about it though.
Dave C
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Bee-- in answer to your question YES thats what happened you know at that point and time i would have had a serious talk with mom and maybe Jim did which might have been the beginning of the end.
part of the issue and concern with this is caused from the one child policy here in China which is producing a lot of spoiled kids who will
have issues as they step up and enter the real world. if you think the girls are spoiled you should see and hear things about the boys
thats a whiole thread in itself.
i think Jim will rebound well just needs a little time to get himself together and regroup himself
no matter who you are and whatever the circumstances it would effect us all whether we were right or partly wrong
just needs time to heal
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Ted,
Sorry but I would not have talked to the mom/wife. I would have called the authorities and have had her charged! That is some serious stuff!! Good thing it is over then, if you want my opinion on it now.
Dave C
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problem is they wouldnt have done anything so to speak or maybe they would have dont know for sure hard to prove