China Romance
All About China => Share your love story => Topic started by: lfputman3 on March 07, 2011, 01:12:28 am
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So I guess it's my turn to start writing in here about how things are going. So Hongyun and I met in early May through Chnlove and through the agency in Handan, which John I know said wasn't the best in appearance but they are great on the customer service end of that. So far I have to agree. We exchange alot of email and other web messages frequently and its all coming along quite well, I think. Also, Hongyun and I have started video chatting through QQ, we type more than talk, she is not comfortable with her English and I personally think my Chinese is terrible, mainly because I do not get to use it.
I am waiting on my visa to come back from the Chicago consulate, should be here this week according to the paperwork they gave me at the visa office. My flight is March 18 and I will land in Beijing on the 19th. As for the weather in Beijing and Handan, well, I'm in Mid-Michigan, I think it should not be much of a problem. Being that it can't make up it's mind if the snow is going to melt, or we're going to freeze to death, that's the great lakes, great weather we have.
The down side of my trip, dad was just diagnosed with cancer, they're removing the tumor a couple days after I fly over, mom and dad told me it's not like I can do anything for him other than support and my nephews will be present for that. I guess my brother did do two things right so far. Hongyun knows and she's offered her support and even said I could stay, but I told her the folks told me to enjoy an actual vacation, something I haven't done in over 7 years and that was a crappy trip. The nag I was dating wouldn't let me go fishing or mushroom picking, which the trip was her idea. Hongyun-on the other hand-told me I better be good at fishing, because she likes to eat fish. I believe that counts as a win in that column.
So, I'm counting down the days and putting together my things. Yes, I'm feeling the butterflies, but hey, I haven't felt this happy about that feeling in several years
lfputman3
(Lloyd)
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good for you Lloyd, The weather is still a little cold in handan and Beijing, I asked my wife if she knew your lady but she that she only knew a few of the other girls there and not your lady, I know you will have a good time there and i hope you and your lady do hit things off together and the relationship moves ahead, regards from MinYing and John.
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We had sunny spring weather here in Beijing today, quite nice to be outside. It can still be abit chilly early in the morning or late at nights but nothing compared to 1-2 months ago. I think you will find the weather in Beijing rather mild when you arrive. The air here is very dry though, i never had to use so much face lotion as i have since i came here. I repeatedly read about people bashing Beijing for being heavily polluted and that you never see clear or blue skies here. This is really rubbish. I have seen plenty of clear and blue skies here , the air may not be the best in the world. Traffic is darn heavy in central Beijing. However, the air doesnt smell bad at all, i know some industrial cities in Eastern Europe that smells terrible if you were to compare.
My condolences, and best wishes for your father. Hope you will have a long awaited nice trip and vacation, and all the best of wishes for you and your lady.
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Thank you to both of you for the wishes of luck, as for dad, he's still displaying himself as invulnerable and the doctors are optimistic.
As for the weather, Michigan is in doing the great lakes "can't decide if it is winter or spring today" fairly common this time of year, we just have record snow sitting on the ground. The rain is working on that. So I am used to cold, warm, cold all in one day for the time being. We do not have plans for spending a great deal of time in Beijing on this trip, and her mom is watching our video chat sessions now. I know when I am completely murdering the language, there is a great deal of laughter and some comments about my being some kind of American...
I'll keep everyone posted as the days progress, almost down to a week until the plane is wheels up.
Lloyd
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Lloyd , boy sounds like you are READY for a wonderful Vacation and not with a Nag .. that makes me very Glad . 18 Wheels up on the 18th and don't forget your Fishing Pole ? Lucky you don't have to go Fishing for a Lady .. only Fish . :)
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Lloyd
Have a great trip. When my girlfriend came to visit me here in Canada, a long month ago, she got word her father was in the hospital in serious condition. These are just things that happen, you can't change it. You carry on and enjoy every day. Good luck.
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Lloyd , have a great trip and we will await future developements , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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Planning update, she has an extra day off when meeting me at the airport in Beijing, so we're gonna stay in Beijing until Monday. I hope changing my reservations is not going to be a nightmare. I am rather glad though she knew I was hoping to get to see a little of Beijing before we head south to Handan. Her mom has been peeking at me on the webcam chats over her shoulder and has made a couple comments I understand and a couple I have not the foggiest of concepts about. She smiles when she makes the comments I understand. Apparently mom likes me over the computer, find out next week if she does for real. Her dad looked one time, but he is indifferent yet. Probably the whole "westerner" issue that I am prepared to get the brunt of. I know her brother is probably not even going to give me the time of day.
As for my dad, they're moving forward with a couple more tests and then surgery. They think they caught it soon enough before it spreads. Mom told me the same thing I was thinking, what am I supposed to do but offer support? They both told me get on the plane and go enjoy myself. I think mom finally caught on to the whole concept, dad has too many other issues to worry about right now. We are not planning a wedding on this trip, note, I said "not planning" so there should be no issues. For now, I've a boatload of my own stress to deal with before the trip. Two parties owe me checks for services, not huge, but while not being Scrooge, I've got to run them down so I have no loose ends when I leave. I know the one well enough he will try and say he paid me if I do not collect now. Who said accountants love tax season? No, we love the money from tax season...
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Less than 12 hours until wheels up, bags are packed, gonna take a nap, get up, shave and all. Get a little breakfast and then catch my ride to the airport, next post will be from Beijing.
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Lloyd,
I hope you have a great trip. I am sure you will enjoy it. Good luck to you.
Dave C
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Ok,
Sorry for the long delay in posting that Hongyun and I have actually met face to face, in real life and all that fun lingo,
hey, we finally met, she just left my hotel a little while ago, mama was with her, laughing at my terrible Chinese and the fact that I can't understand 3/4s of what either of them were saying in Chinese.
Reason for the delay, I absolutely hate Delta airlines now. My flights from Flint and Minneapolis were actually leaving and arriving early. Not too often you here that with any airline. Luck ended there. I arrived in Seattle, plane was already delayed a 1/2 hour, supposed to leave at 6 pm pacific, finally boarded at 7, finally took off at 8, turned around at 9:30 because the plane was a flying manure brick. So we were not close enough to Anchorage for a redirect, back to Seattle, overnight, they told us we would be off at 8 am, ok, I can deal, sleep on the plane be wide awake on arrival... No, they decided we would wait until 2 pm, then they delayed us another half hour on the flight. We get boarded, I've gone from 22 to the back of the bus, no big issue I did not pay for a picked seat. We are on the plane, everyone seated and waiting patiently when the pilot announces he is still waiting for one member of the flight crew, his #3 pilot to show, he's currently on the other side of Tacoma and they expect him at the airport in roughly 1/2 hour.... no, we were really not getting upset at all by this time. Of course now I am not able to jump online, because we are on the plane and we are supposed to have all devices in the "off" position. We finally get wheels up and the one positive thing I have to say, the #3 guy was actually the pilot flying the plane that day and he shaved almost an hour off our expected arrival time. Lands about like an RAF pilot on a bender-yes I have seen some rough landings our of those RAF flyers with their cargo planes-This guy dropped our 767 sideways onto the runway at Beijing Capital, the right gear came off the ground, fortunately we did not pull any dynamic maneuvers on the runway, the gear dropped back onto the pavement, but it was a rough landing. When I was crewing I would have slapped a pilot helmet for that type landing on a runway.
Back to life after landing, her friend she was staying with in Beijing decided that something happened because my flight number was not on the board. I got no warm greeting at the airport, just a howdy from the officials at the airport. Tried calling her, couldn't get through, figured I was dialing wrong, asked the phone card girl who told me it wasn't a local number. She dialed the number for me, the people on the other end didn't understand a thing I said in English or Chinese and hung up me. Jump on the WiFi at the airport misunderstood the message she left for me, run over to information desk, they send me to the bus to Beijingzhan, where I am told I'm too late come back tomorrow. Came back the next morning and they sell me a ticket out of Beijingxi. Grab a taxi, run across town, ride the train to Handan, get here, get to the hotel, finally get her on the phone, to find out she is on her way back from Beijing on a later train....
A few minutes Hongyun came back, and I got phone grilled by her friend in Bejing-calls herself Hongyun's Beijing mother-because it's my fault-what's new in life-and I'm not good enough for Hongyun-I think she's a yank hater-funny her real mother here seems to like me. This trip started great, seems fine when she's here, but has some really bad rough spots. I really like this girl and I think she really likes me, but whoever the wicked witch of the east is, I have to figure out how to get past her for some kind of approval.
So, I'm gonna have me some water, because I'm dried out from the trip here and get some rest, because I'm so stinking tired right now I don't know which way is up. We're meeting in the morning at 9, so I'm planning on just doing my thing and not worrying about the Beijing issue.
I will update everyone later,
Lloyd
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my oh my Lloyd ? That is some start you had there .. I'm jealous !
Hope the rest of your stay is exciting as well . About the Witch , take her Broom away and she'll be just an ordinary Bitch .. much easier to handle . haha
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You arrived safely, thats the main thing,,,waiting patiently for the next up date,,hope it goes well between your self and hongyun,,im counting the days for me to be back in Handan, Enjoy every minute and i am really happy to hear that you both like eachother so far , good luck mate,,regards from MinYing and John.
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Arnold, great news, didn't hear from the witch today. I think we had a good day, She came and grabbed me as I finished breakfast, she brought a translator who spent the morning with us and then we went to lunch, translator came along. They both poked fun at me as I was stuffed rather quickly, I really don't eat a lot these days as I just finished dropping some weight and uh, yeah I just don't eat as much anymore.
After lunch, we went phone shopping, I got me a gin-u-wine iPhono for use here as I forgot the phone I wanted to bring for use. It's alright, I can show off my iPhono back home for a few laughs. I got dropped off, as she had to go take care of her daughter after school and then she came back and drug me off to the agency here in Handan. Daniel was busy with a couple potential clients, but Echo and Hacker along with a few other girls put us on the couch by the window and there was a whole lot of talking, giggling, more talking, occasionally they involved me, then the others left and Echo, Hacker, Hongyun and I went over a bunch of unanswered questions, some of which I answered to the translator that was with us earlier in the day, but apparently it didn't work in translation somehow. I am pretty sure Echo translated those items as close as she could to what I said, because I received the appropriate giggles and slaps where expected. Especially on the wonderful old sage advice I received as a kid from my late grandfather.
We finished the evening off at some little hole-in-the-wall noodle joint that I dare say Anthony Bourdain would most heartily have endorsed, looked like crapped leaky roof, rickety furniture, but oh man, the food was amazing. Yeah, too much for me again.
In the morning we are headed out to the park, I think she said Songtian, but I could be wrong, maybe John could correct me, or I might correct myself tomorrow.
Awesome day, she left with a smile and her phone just a buzzing, her daughter started calling every 5 minutes after 7 and I could hear her asking mama about the meigouren, grandma told her that mama's man is handsome, nice and seems to care about her very much. Not sure when I meet the kid, but that's ok, I came packing gifts, suggested by Hongyun before I ever got on the plane.
So now, I am off to my pillow, knowing I have one day in my favor and it appears we are starting to breakthrough on our personal communication, my broken chinese is coming together more and her broken english is working well enough.
and John, you were right, the agency is not much to look at, but they put forth an effort in there.
For now, wan an, I am bushed
Lloyd
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Very happy for you and your lady Lloyd, I am also VERY jealous of you being there in my wife's home town too, I will be back there in late May to enjoy the company of my wife and all that Handan has to offer,,,,I must say that i feel the excitement that you must be feeling right now and dont sleep to early,,Your time with your lady will pass so fast,,It has been two months now since i felt the warmth and passion from my wife,,Enjoy every moment with your other half,,,It is so nice when you feel that you are breaking through the communication barrier, Please believe me when i say that you will have the hard times but try your best as MinYing and i have done, We are now husband and wife and we are preparing for the hard road ahead , As i have learnt from the experienced and knowledgeable people here , It wont be easy but worth every minute and every dollar that you have invested in this pursuit of happiness,,Good luck to you both,,,,Regards from MinYing and John.
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That is great News Lloyd ! Now I'm really jealous .. NOT .. just happy for you things are moving well along . Don't eat too much .. haha .. that is a "Tough" one in China , but as long as you enjoy it ... ;)
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Sujuan and I have been reading your posts together and she keeps nodding her head , so it must be that you are doing okay , we look forward to your updates .
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You both make me feel jealous, it will be July at the earliest I can go back to China. Enjoy!
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Wow, it's afternoon and it's been a full day already. She just went shopping with a couple friends, and it was clarified that the "mother" I met the other night is a surrogate mother, she informed me she has seven people she calls mother. I had seen her real mom in the background on some of our QQ chats, so I wasn't sure about all the mother people I was meeting. The surrogate mother from our first night meeting has approved and today I met the first real family member, JieJie-she's from a family with four children and she's the baby of the bunch-anyway, this sister apparently likes me, which is great because this sister is the next youngest, and she is 17 years senior. Have I mention her parents are in the 70s? So this is a really tough sell with her father. I also met some friends along with the real sister who works at the hospital next to Congtai Gongyuan. Hongyun though me meeting her sister at work would be good for me as I am one of the military vets who absolutely hates, fears and loathes the hospital, so of course, I was definitely not in a comfort zone there.
Long story, there was a lot of chatter at speeds I cannot begin to comprehend, her sister would ask some questions in Chinese and some in English and I was told it is my duty to protect her sister. That made me feel much better as everyone can imagine. She made me tell Hongyun Ni zhen mei, wo ai ni and a fairly lengthy list of compliments and other expressions, many I did not know yet and I am not sure if I can remember them all, but I am going to try. The whole time big sister is laughing because she has her baby sister and her man blushing and laughing in the middle of hospital ward office.
After wards we went for roast duck, again, I feel a food coma coming on. This time I think I really overdid, but in my defense, it was duck and this is China. Maybe not Beijing Duck, but duck none-the-less. One of her friends brought her young son along, I bought a lunch feast and no remorse over it. The irony, a bunch of the older visitors in the restaurant thought the boy was mine, I was thinking he looks like one of my nephews actually and the whole time the girls are all laughing and the waitstaff was giggling along with them about it.
And finally, a picture, you can all see my ugly mug and wonder what all the fuss is about, 'cuz I'm baffled about the compliments. Maybe as mom says, I'm modest...
Until later
Lloyd
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Ahhhh .. thanks Lloyd , a pretty Face after all that reading . No .. I don't mean you . Hongyun is all smiles and I can see why ! She has a reason to , having you next to her .
Great updates are always welcome and thanks again .
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Great update. I am enjoying them. Looking forward to more.
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hey buddy, thanks for the update, I recognise the back ground,,,I was there in January, the river was frozen then but still a wonderful place, i hope things still go well for you and hongyun , Enjoy every moment my friend,,,kindest regards from John.
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So I forgot my camera in the hotel today. ouch, but hey there are some great pictures going to pop up on a few qq pages I'm sure. We went to lunch with her sisters, on me of course, originally I thought she had 2, she has 3 Jiemen and they all work in that same office at the hospital, so I met all of them, but two of them were busy with work so I only spoke with the the one. We went to a Halal restaurant, chafing dish built into the table, wow, awesome meal wanted to go into a food coma and then they decided we were all piling into the car, I'm glad they let me in the front with Hongyun, as she has a Chevy Aveo, hatchback... 3 sisters, 2 nieces and 2 friends. That is a crowded backseat, the nieces are around 20, so no little ones to make the fit easy, but they all jumped in. Rumor has it the next outing with the sisters involves a KTV bar, lord help me, I'm sure the next morning is going to hurt.
The big sisters decided we needed to visit a temple, so we went to Lu Xian Ci, a fairly old Taoist temple north of town, where I recieved my first, "ah, mei gou ren? qing zhaopan." They got a couple pictures, very happy folks about it, they helped us light our incense and walked away giggling and such.
As for the pictures that will pop up on qq, the Jiemen wanted affectionate pictures as did the friends, so they (ahem) "forced" us do a couple toasts, you guessed it, arms intertwined. Hugs and cheek pecks for the camera. Hongyun is a bit bashful, shy and I've gotten a bit shy myself in recent years, I guess the whole growing up and not partying, **amendment to fact, no partying in recent years, frivolity at my brother's wedding, but not like when I was a young, dumb kid in the army on a flight crew thinking I was invincible** I have gained some inhibitions, which she loves. We also had a playful game of finger poke while we were driving around. Lots of giggles and snickers about that from the back seat, but I figured she needed a little torture as she did spill her drink all over me at the restaurant.
I think I am good with the sisters, they are having a big family dinner at their parents tonight, the sisters wanted me along, Hongyun objected because she wants her sisters to talk with her father and brother before she brings me over. Dad is, from what I can tell, indifferent at this point, worried he's losing a daughter and such, normal dad behavior, this dinner is apparently the sisters briefing mom and dad about me. Brother, we ain't going there, I've heard his take a couple times. Between me and her, we have two fantastic older brothers. Her's is on the dirty, tricky yank bit and mine is on the green card spiel. However, I can tell my brother where he can stick it. Whereas my little brother, his wife and my sister keep sending me emails to remember they want to attend the wedding. Oh, yeah, it will be a wedding and apparently, I am going to be spending some money when it comes, but it is going to be worth it. I have been told, no wedding this trip. One sister indicated certain pre-People's government time periods for weddings. It's ok, I found the one and I've waited this long just to hold her. I can be patient.
Tomorrow we are going shopping with her friends. I just want to see one thing, the very nice bag she jokingly she said she wanted for Christmas (LV) that I gave to her. The look on her face when I pulled out the bag it came in was worth the price tag.
Well for now, I'm gonna assume that food coma I needed 5 hours ago. I will give you another update later, for now. I'm done for the day, unless she drops by later for a walk, chat or otherwise after the family dinner, but I'm guessing family dinner is not gonna be over early.
Lloyd
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great up date Lloyd, have a ball, where are you staying in Handan?, is the weather a little warmer now, No ice on the ground i hope, Food coma,haha, i know what you mean, regards from John and Minying
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Hey Lloyd, seems good news travels fast in Handan, My wife just wrote to me from the agency and told me that the latest talk is about a Hansom man named Lloyd coming to visit his lady, in the home town, It is not often that a westerner does come to town to meet his lady as this is a small city "8,000,000 people" haha, Well you and yr lovely lady are the talk of the town,,,Enjoy my friend and i hope things go good for you and yr beautiful lady, Regards from John and MinYing.
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Well, there were a about a dozen women in the agency office the other night... her sisters work at the hospital... Dinner at that Halal place... no, I haven't been seen with her anywhere or by anyone at all in this town. haha, now I know why I get the smiles and giggles in some areas though. We will be somewhere and "friends" will go out of their way to come and say hi.
The fun part, today I got to tag along to the malls, yeah I know, most guys are going, "what the hell is wrong with this guy?" Seriously it is very informative and when she comes to the states, I might have to teach her some marketplace spanish and cut down to Mexico, we were in one mall with a lot of local boutiques, had some definite "not copyrighted" goods in a couple shops, oh man, I am impressed this girl can work over a vendor. Her and the friend that was with us are both pretty harsh in the negotiating bit, but when she latches on, it's like a bull dog going to town. I had a hard time keeping a straight face a couple times, had to walk away. but my goal was to learn a little more about her and I got to have fun while doing it. I just hope her friend didn't go back and buy those shoes we told her to steer away from, Sunday school teacher shoes and ugly ones at that. Although her friend and I didn't agree much on anything Hongyun was checking out clothing wise. She was after a new outfit for her daughter's birthday tomorrow. Then got herself a present. I would get asked my opinion and most times I was laughed at by her friend saying I am just being nice. The friend got overridden on the outfit that I literally did a jaw drop when I saw it. Hey it looked good on her and let's face it, as guys, we know the ultimate compliment is stupefied, open mouth silence follow by a wow and a grin.
We had lunch while shopping and after shopping we came back here and just relaxed, she pulled up some webcasts of Beijing and Hennan Opera, she loves her opera, which is fine. I am actually enjoying it myself. Maybe because she tends to sing her favorites and I enjoy her singing, but hey, people say I'm weird.
Along with the opera, she made me sing for her, fortunately I know a couple of LeeHom's songs and she had me going over the sayings in her English book and then she was browsing the pages in my LP phrase book. While we were sitting there looking at the books together, my neighbors started in on an afternoon session, I must say they are quite the noisy and energetic couple and they don't seem to have any stamina issues, I apologized to her for the noise, she asked me if they had been like this before and I had to tell her yes, last night 7, 10:30, 1:00, 4:00 and she just started laughing. Then the real giggles started as she was flipping through the green section of the LP Mandarin Phrasebook and came across the sex page, which I had completely forgotten was in the book....
I thought about it after she left because she kept pulling the book away and didn't want me to see what she was giggling about. I knew which section she was in and then it hit me, oh my, she found that page... oh well, not like she's school girl. I'm sure one of those phrases is going to end up in one of our next little word game sessions.
Oh, John, no ice, I carry a coat, but generally don't need it during the day, got a laugh at the halal place because I was wearing a polo shirt, they all wanted to know if I was cold. Staying at the Sunflower, not bad, they have remote for the lighting system, need an iron in the room though. Water pot, King size bed, but if it gets cold you have to call the desk for the heat. Fortunately there's a down comforter under the bar. Nice washroom, very western, big shower, bowl sink. Glass wall, frosted. Needs some maintenance, fresh paint and carpets, but hey, I can't complain 3000Rmb for two weeks sounded good to me, they also have a good breakfast.
So tomorrow is the big birthday meet the kid day, got my fingers crossed, I'm armed with a Barbie doll. She told me her daughter wanted one, she said she thought an American Barbie would be better than one from here. Irony, where is Barbie made?
So big family friend event again tomorrow, wish me luck I think it's meet fuqin day along with the party. I'm not gonna try and sweat it, I am concerned about him, but more concerned with her daughter. I already have mom and the sisters in my court, let's face it, dad can't hold out too long when he is outnumbered 4:1.
So good night, and I will put my camera in my coat pocket tonight. Can't miss any more picture opportunities and if I have her sisters pegged, there will be more shenanigans and if they know my camera is around it will get used.
Lloyd
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hongyun yuang and yrself are the talk of the town,,,so happy for you both,,,keeps the love alive for us who are missing our wifes/g/friends in a land so far away,,,Thank you Lloyd for the great update
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Lloyd,
I have just been catching up on your posts here. WOW what a flight you had. I am glad to hear that things seem to be working out great for you two after a bit of a rocky start with the "witch" on the other end of the phone. I hope that the meeting and birthday party for her daughter goes well for you. I am sure that she will love the Barbie doll you got her, even if it was made in China!
I hope that the rest of your trip goes well for you two.
Dave C
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Sounds like you are having a great experience, thanks for sharing it.
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wow, been a couple days, not sure where to start, but I should probably go chronological. Great news, I am a hit with the kid. She likes playing peek-a-boo and we've a bit of a pillsbury doughboy game, it started as the rib tickle, but she's a quick one and she likes to run and give me a belly tickle and run away, so I give her a doughboy type giggle and she loves it. There were two birthday parties on Saturday, I go to go the first one, smaller one with friends, apparently Barbie upstaged most of the family gifts at the later party.
Sunday we went to Zhou Gongyuan, I have to ask, why isn't Handan on any of the tourist maps for westerners, I've read a couple of the classics and some of the Chinese fables and didn't realize until I was here, where and what Handan really is. She's successfully getting me hooked on Chinese Opera, can't wait to hear my father's take on it the first time he comes over after I'm back and listening to the Opera for Fa Mulan. So back to the task at hand..
While we were at Zhou Gongyuan her father called, her uncle was visiting, I forget where from, but not anywhere close as I understand. So she was told to dump me off at my hotel and get back home to see her uncle. After uncle left, she came back over with her daughter TianTian, perfect name, she's a sweetheart and bit of a ham. We went to dinner, she's trying to teach me Chinese food and then gives me grief for words I don't know, but we still play our little game of hao chi ma?
Today was the big stress day for me... FuMu.... she says I passed. I know dad was smiles and waves (to me) as we left. It was lunch, I think I got off cheap, only 500RMB. Met her other JieJie (this one is sister-in-law) who was previewing me for her husband, along with the parents, TianTian was along and the sister brought along the nephews (2) husky boys at that. Oh and yes, I did ensure dad got all the watering (piju) he wanted, two big bottles, not Tsingtao, no idea what kind it was. He laughed when I said I didn't want any because it was too early in the day for me. I explained to her later, I came close enough to living in a bottle, I just don't do it very often anymore. B
After lunch she had to run and get a prescription for her mom, and then went for a job interview. It sounds like she got the job, but now I am uncertain of what we are doing the rest of this week. Especially brutal considering I looked at the train schedule and I'm going to have to leave Sunday night, not Monday morning, because the early train to Beijing leaves way to late for my 11:00am flight. Bit of bummer there. I guess we'll talk about it this week.
So I've had one fantastic week following the episode with the wicked witch. Oh, did find out, the wicked witch has a problem with all foreign men. Seems she met a yard bird and now we are all dirt.
I hope to get in a few more good days, I may be making some adjustments to my schedule for the summer, I may cancel on other plans in June, because that would score me two more weeks here with her. We have talked about her visiting the states, I think it would be best in late or early summer. It's hotter than the blazes here from all reports and back home, if it gets hot, well, it's Michigan, you can never be 6 miles from a lake, river or other body of water, not counting pools. Plus, she loves fish, as I've learned from our several meals. She really loves fish, score a big one for me, I love to fish and again, it's the great lakes. Additionally, summer would mean we could see a bit more of the state without worrying about getting snowbound. I'll just have to carfully work on her. Her concern is language barrier and my older brother, but then I was expecting her older brother Saturday and today, still have not met him. He's gonna be my tough nut in the family.
So a couple fresh pictures, I've got to get more with us together, we were about to have some taken at Zhou Gongyuan when her dad called, the Cherry blossoms are beautiful, as you can see... but they do not hold a candle to her.
Lloyd
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Me, her daughter and the nephews
yes, I have a stupid expression on my face, but they apparently loved it
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Wonderful up-date Lloyd .
Oh .. by the way .. yes I almost had to ban you for that " Expression " , but your Story makes up for it plenty . ;D
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great pic Lloyd,,enjoy every minute,,hows things going between you and hong yun,,by the look on yr face i think it is going very well,,best regards from MinYing and John
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Great post! and pictures too. :)
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Wonderful up-date Lloyd .
Oh .. by the way .. yes I almost had to ban you for that " Expression " , but your Story makes up for it plenty . ;D
well the photos go something like "yi, er, san.. CHEESE!!" so I had to be goofy, besides, she likes when I act dopey
John,
it seems things are going in the right direction. the new job has put a damper on things, me being paranoid having worked in the insurance and financial industries I was getting frustrated with my internet issue as I was backgrounding the company she is going to work for and making sure they are a Chinese interest of Blackstone Financial, as her friend told her. Yesterday she spent a good share of the day reading on her phone, still not sure the position she was offered, but I know she's been assigned to a division that handles Hebei's oil and grain investments, positive she's not in any selling position, because I know Blackstone has some pretty major requirements.
Today and tomorrow morning are going to be stress days for me, as I'm waiting for mom to call, dad is having surgery today, at some time, Eastern Daylight in the US of course, so thus I probably won't sleep well tonight. I knew the date before my flight. So I am extremely happy and in a state of depression at the same time...
Life can be difficult, but I have been able to point out to dad, he's not allowed to lose his battle, not if he wants more grandchildren to spoil.
Lloyd
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Our wishes are wish your Dad .. Lloyd . Hope all goes well for Him and releave all that stress on everybody .
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thank you Arnold, in the meantime, we had a great day today at Long Hu Gongyuan. First time I've been to park that had a strip mall complete with supermarket, under the park...
unique...
When we were on our way back to the car-because she had to go to an orientation meeting for her new job this evening-this charming old lady came over and asked Hongyun and her friend who was dating the MeiGuoRen. She congratulated Hongyun, apparently her son is in Chicago, I understood when she said Chicago and erzi, her daughter lives in Canada, but I never heard a city name, so anyone's guess there. She told Hongyun that she has been to Michigan and that it is absolutely beautiful in 3 seasons and we have a ton of snow in the winter... I just nodded a bit, hard to deny after this past winter. She also complimented us on being a beautiful couple and that I was very handsome. More compliments about my skin tone, Hongyun's skin tone and how we should have beautiful children. A great many thanks all around to her for her praise on us. Hongyun's friends are worried that she won't get to go shopping very much, because I appear to live in the middle of nowhere. I used Yahoo maps, pointed out yes, I live in the middle of an agricultural county in an actual small town of less than 30,000, but I do know where all of the good malls are she will get to go shopping, because I will show her how to get to them and I am positive within 5 minutes of arriving, she will be able to home in on a couple of the larger malls including the Somerset, which is in Suburban metro Detroit and she has now squeezed it out of me that her bag came from that mall. There goes my bank account :D
So now, I am apparently going to Dinner tonight with one of her sisters... Hongyun is at work, my Chinese is far from great and I looked in my wallet and I think I need to see if the front desk can change money... because I was just going to take a walk down the street and check out one of the local places.
John, is it me, or have I been lucky and her family and friends have just decided not to drag me to the most expensive places in town yet, my biggest check was the last meal with the sisters at just under 600rmb.
I'm guessing it's luck, either way, I've got just over 500rmb on me, so I need to pull out the green and change it to red...
Oh, I got blown kisses today, and she leaned into me at lunch, comfortably leaned as we talked with her friend, had to laugh, her friend wanted to go to KFC, I've been laughing about the KFC thing the whole time I've been here, not said anything about it to anyone, guess they thought I needed an American fastfood fix, irony, back home, KFC and Popeye's chicken are the only fast food joints I willingly eat, can't stand most of that stuff myself.
Wish me luck on the dinner and I am awaiting a phone call in the morning (here, there night of course) from my mom. to give me an update on dad's day and what the doc says afterwards
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Thanks for another update Lloyd , we are pleased that all is going well and we also send a prayer for your Dad , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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Hi Lloyd, I hope the phone call tomorrow is the good news you are wanting to hear, We have our fingers crossed for you and your family.
I found MinYings family and friends to be the same, We only went to local restaurants all the time and the bill was so cheap even though they all eat like horses, The family dinner was in a private room for 9 of us with people waiting on us for the two or three hours that we was there for the trial ;D,
even then the bill only came to about 500 rmb, must say i am missing the restaurants now and looking forward to being back in Handan in about 8 weeks.
Well i am missing my laopo with every beat of my heart and she feels the same, Really temped to fly there for the Easter long weekend, Easy way to blow a few thousand dollars but worth every penny,,no no no , must wait, the time will soon be upon me, Have a ball , good luck to you and hongyun, sounds like things are going well, Im really happy for you both, Regards from MinYing and John.
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Mom's 1st phone was good, dad only needed one unit of blood, good b/c he is O- and that's a tough order to fill. The docs only removed the lower half of his kidney and the surgery room was the theater type room normally used by students and mom, being mom, watched. If she would have been ten years younger I think she would have been a surgeon. Dad is of course in critical care now, she said his BP was on the low side and they were keeping him there until it was back up.
Hongyun has tried to keep me distracted, she was telling me all day long dad would be fine. We spent the past two nights dining with her JieJie, wine at an upscale place the first night out with them, last night KTV at Happy Hour KTV. They brought a translator and I wanted to wring her neck, Hongyun knows that I know some Chinese songs, Wang Leehom being one of my actual favorite artists, I've sang one song for her a couple times. In the KTV room, I got nervous with the audience-yeah all five other people beside me and Hongyun- choked on the song that I sing to her. Then the translator starts plugging in songs, some more songs by Leehom and Jay Chou-I'm familiar with the songs, but have not tried to learn them- of course Chinese songs are in Zhongwen and uh... I can't read it very well. The songs she plugs in that are in English, I have no idea who the #*!! the performers are and never heard the songs. I apologized to Hongyun, pulled the translator to the side and tried to explain that an English lyric song can be huge in Australia, Canada and Europe and we have no idea who or what it is in the U.S.
JieJie had me just sing love songs to Hongyun that are the classics. Did "Unchained Melody" and "Everything I do" which both appeared to be huge hits with all the girls. Especially when I faced Hongyun and sang "everything I do" without looking at the screen, just sang right to her. Also sang some beatles and Everly brothers just so I did sing a couple fun songs. JieJie's husband seemed upset that I did not know any of the patriotic Chinese songs... How do you explain that?? I personally would never force Hongyun to endure my father's friends doing their big round of patriotic American songs, at least not until we've been married for at least ten years, then most of them won't be able to sing anymore.
Today, is gonna suck, she's working. Doesn't know when we'll get time today. I officially hate the new job, I think her daughter agrees with me. Mama is working way too hard, but she is liking the idea of a summer visit to Michigan now. I told her I would buy the plane tickets for her and daughter. She seemed shocked by the idea. I know what the US gov't says, she's supposed to visit on her own dime, but they know I'm not gonna let that happen. Besides, she will get to laugh at me and dad fighting over the bill there. Dad is going to laugh that game when the wedding comes. He's played it for years.
Well, I need to pack away some of my clothes and chi zaofan, or she'll find out I missed a meal and chew me out.
John, the hotel isn't bad, could use paint and carpet but she wants me to stay somewhere else next time. I'm agreeing, the walls are a bit on the thin side here. Nothing like having an afternoon nap, about to turn cuddle, when the neighbors start to have a go in the sack. It does earn lots of giggles from her though...
Oh, I also have been given two box sets of some type of candy?.?.?. hints, suggestions, clues anyone... I know when a lady is getting married in China she hands out candy to her friends, one of my friends back home did so back at Christmas, but when does a Chinese lady hand two boxes of candy to her beau?
Thanks and I'll get another update posted soon,
Lloyd
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So yesterday a bit of a bomb, beautiful day, went for walk, got stared at, pointed at, scowled at, the whole gambit. but she had to work the whole day and until we serve the tea, she will not let me do much about it. Had to fight her to let me pay for the gas in her car. Met her oldest niece today, we went back to the Halal place, no chaffing dish this meal, just kaoya. Oh darn, right... Spent the afternoon looking at pictures on computers and watching home movies. Mine were just travels around different places, there was one segment I filmed for friends who have never been to Michigan, crossing the "Mac" she asked how high... I think she got scared, had a couple other videos she loved, a young duckling on the water at a friends place and a little way over I caught some young loons trying to feed. I told her we would visit there in the summer, I just want to see her and her daughter's face the first time they hear the loons crying in the morning. Also several bald eagle nests in the area so that's a common site there. She approves of going to visit and see nature, but she's a city girl and I'm ok with that.
Her home movies, mostly her daughter, different ages, dancing to different music, traditional, opera and pop. There is something hilariously cute about a 3 year old be-bopping to Kesha.
Personal joy, today at lunch, I had a little problem with my hands (nerve issue from military injuries) she realized it and helped me. After we dropped off her friends she told me it did not matter, she knew that it was from injuries, and it did not matter to her. She was shocked when I told her the responses I was used to back in the states.
I got a full on hug. She squeezed :D
well, gotta go, have to check in with the love of my love, I do not know our dinner plans yet, but I believe both of my darling ladies.
Lloyd
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I have been following your story since you was new here, Enjoy your story always, Great read again today Lloyd, I really wish you and Hongyun all the best in the future, My wife asks how things are going between you both and wishes you two all the best,,really hard to be apart from MinYing at this moment but must smile and look happy, good luck my friend, wishing you all the best,,Regards from MinYing and John.
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John, Should we happen to be in Handan at the same time in the future, we will have to get together and take the girls out.
For now, today and tomorrow is it. When I bought my plane tickets I did not know the limited number of trains to Beijing, the train schedule I found online is apparently from the Olympics... So I have to leave Handan Tomorrow night on the last train to Beijing, she's working Monday, have I mentioned I hate her new job. I will definitely have to solve this little crisis in the coming months. Next trip, I'm making sure my flight doesn't leave Beijing until after 3:00PM.
Today, I'm packing, she's working most of the day, again... we're having lunch together and talking about dinner plans, our new little family, us and the little one, it's been a little harder since her parents left town for her grandmother's town, as she is not long for this world unfortunately.
I'm off to make the most of the day and get as much quality in the time we have left on this trip.
Lloyd
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Hi Lloyd , we have enjoyed reading your fun times here , but never forget with the ladies of China , especially those with children employment always comes first , as they are all well aware that there is another 600 million ready to take their place , however once like in any business everything is swinging along things can be more relaxed , if things are as you have indicated maybe even as you have only a little time left open a joint account at a local bank , preferably one that has a Mitchigan address also , ie ; B of China or ? especially as things like plane tickets etc, would need to be purchased at her end , and if you send her a little something each week/month that will also help your end game , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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Lloyd, the end is near, right now i know how you are feeling, I remember the feeling so well and know i will be feeling it again when i leave my loved one again on 12th June, Yes you did mention that you hated hongyun,s new job and i too hate MinYing,s job as she is working long hours and sometimes seven days a week and i feel that i am taking second place but that is the way is for now as she is just keeping occupied to keep her mind off of me .
It would be great to catch up with you and your lady in Handan some time, Have you already thought when you will next return?, Dont leave it too long as it eats away at you both , I am to return on MAY 25TH TILL 12TH JUNE and then back again in late September or early October for the wedding ceremony.
So far you both seem to be very much enjoying each-others company very much, All the best in the future my friend, Regards from MinYing and John.
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well, I'm already getting stir crazy and I had a mom call this morning, dad is home. good, but obnoxious, I think he needed to be strapped into the hospital bed for a couple more days to keep him from trying something dumb. mom told me my dear older brother also started stirring the pot at the hospital with some of dad's political associates in attendance... Oh, joy... I think my own gege and I are going to have a bit of a row when I get on the ground.
As for me and Hongyun, we did spend the afternoon together, she made fun of my non ability to string together a sentence correctly, but she knows I'm understanding her better, she's not cutting me any slack on my end of the language learning. We had some nice fuzzy feeling moments there, then one of her friends called her, started complaining, and then ran her late picking up her little girl, so I didn't get to see dance lessons. I think the friend is jealous, b/c I gave Hongyun her bag, which her friend likes, alot and nobody has bought her the real deal. I was told today though, no more expensive gifts, doesn't matter what she likes, I'm not supposed to do that... God she is amazing.
Tomorrow she's gonna see me off at the train station. I have learned the valuable lesson of flight scheduling, don't leave Beijing before 3, I think I mentioned that though.
Yes, I am planning the next trip, right now, definite on September, have to see what I can jockey in June, to see if I can swing some time there. It would only be13 days, but 13 is better than waiting. We are discussing her coming to visit Michigan in August, while we have heat in August, I'm sure it will be a reprieve for her. Besides, in Michigan, we just run down to the lake/river/pool or whatever non-critter infested body of cool water is nearby. We'll see how it goes.
As for opening an account here, I'm going to check with my bank. She apparently is not fond of the B of C, but I know my bank will wire anywhere in China as long as I enter all the right security codes when I send the wire. I'm supposed to be able to use my debit card at the B of C ATM, but I haven't needed it, still have 1500rmb in my wallet.
She has mentioned to her friends how she likes the houses behind my hotel, so today I asked her how much, she answered 500,000rmb. She looked at me funny when I commented, wow, that's all. I gave her a smile that confused her to boot. No John, you can't say a thing, I've got to do some inquiries before I do something like that, but I do like them, I understand why she does.
For now, I'm off to bed, I know, not an exciting update, but hey, maybe I'll post some pictures of the beating I'm going to give my dear brother. It's sad, everyone else in the family is, for the most part, happy for me. Grandpa has issues, but he was in Korea in 1950... so.....
Goodnight
Lloyd
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So, leaving sucks. We had a last lunch together, her daughter danced for us and everyone else in the restaurant. She caught a bug and wasn't feeling well, kept me at arm's length, but her daughter gave me a couple hugs just before checkout and at the train station. Told them I would be back in September, I know I wasn't thrilled about the trip, she just generally didn't appear well, it showed, her daughter went into a fit because I was getting on the train and they couldn't come with me and I couldn't stay, that's what I understood. Crying children can be difficult to understand in your native tongue, let alone one you are learning.
Of course the airline wasn't happy giving me the works on my way to China, they changed my flight time, I never got notice, nor did about 20 other people on my flight. I arrived at the airport and saw a Delta airliner taking off... Delta does have more than one flight in and out of China, no big thought...
I will say, their customer service people in China are far better than the games they play here in the states. They moved me over to a United flight to Frisco, then I hopped into Detroit. Not as close to home, but I got home around the same time.
I miss her, can't sleep and in general don't feel like I am in the right place. Talked to mom about some of the things that occurred. Mom has no doubts, because mom knows the event that happened in the restaurant takes someone who actually does care.
Now, its check on Dad, back to the grind and on with missing her. I have talked to her on the phone since getting home, but her grandmother took ill last Wednesday, they don't expect her to recover. So that throws a wrench into things for a little while.
I really don't know what to write, other than I left my heart in Handan and I cannot wait to see her smile and that twinkle in her eyes again.
I'm off to try and get some sleep,
Lloyd
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to see her smile and the twinkle in her eye, There are so many of us here just waiting for that moment to happen again, For me it will be about six weeks.
MinYing is pleading with me to not postpone my next trip but i may have to do this due to the shortage of work, Abuilder that i deal with has gone broke owing $45,000. Must be optimistic and hope things turn the other way for my work, Great update mate, September is a long time to wait, Hope you both keep in contact and the feelings stay strong. Regards from Minying and John.
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Lloyd in all a great trip even though she got sick at the end. Yes it is painful to leave and you feel out of sorts for a while but thank God for web-cam. I really don't know how people did it before.
I was going to make a comment about snow in your other thread but will do so here. The best thing about a lot of snow is when it is in other peoples photos. ;D
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All is not always as it appears.
I do not even know how to begin. I received an email from her, she does not know if we make a good fit, because there are still communication issues on my part. Yes, I panicked and broke the 24 hour rule. After I sent that, I realized, I screwed up on that one. I did send another letter through the agency, after I had sat down and collected my thoughts. considered I was a dumbass for what I had done hours earlier.
When we had dinner with her parents, I knew her parents approved of my appearance and how I acted except for one thing, the communication issue and my stupid self did not bring the translator along on the one meal I should have. I knew her parents did have an issue with the fact that my Chinese was not that good.
One of the first things I did after returning home was to order new resources for learning Chinese. Even told her I had done so. This is really hard and I am not one to quit over something I can fix. I do not know how that is going to translate with the agency. I do have her Jiejie's phone number, but I am terrified to call her because of the language issue and it's really hard to focus because of the terror I am experiencing. It's enough that I am definitely not sleeping.
It's really difficult, but I know I saw it in her eyes, we had the connection. It was there and I really hate that I did see we had an issue, I was pigheaded and should have asked her for us to go back by the agency so we could discuss it better.
I received the message from her right after I posted the last message here. I do thank you for all of your well wishes and now I ask for your help in my prayers that this can be saved. If I do not hear good news from her, I have started the message I will read to her sister when I call. Jiejie told me if I had any trouble in our relationship, I must call her, she would help. I just hope I don't need to make that phone call.
I guess at some point I should let her know I already have my flight reservation on Continental/United for late August/September's trip. I have a full month and I wanted to give it all to her. I am at a loss here and I am in utter agony.
Lloyd
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Hey Lloyd, there will always be the communication problems between you both, I know this first hand from the problems MinYing had , and still have from time to time.
Remind her that she chose to go to the agency to find a western husband and you also wanted to find a Chinese bride, The road will be hard sometimes and you both but you, like me, are willing to try our hardest to learn her language too to make things easier for the relationship, MinYing and myself are committed to try our hardest to battle on through the tough communication issues and make this international romance/ marriage work.
You say you saw the connection in her eyes,,keep at it friend, i too know the sleepless nights and the feelings you have right now,,i wish you luck and DO NOT GIVE UP, Regards from John.
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It almost sounds like the sister knew there would be a problem since she asked you to call her first to help sort things out. Use that option to you advantage. I can tell you from personal experience that it help a lot but beware it can hurt also. I don't think Peggy and I would be together today if it had not been for her sister. Her sister lives here in the states and knows English pretty well so when Peggy and I get into trouble her sister helps to resolve it. Get Rebtel and burn up the phone line. It's dirt cheap.
In my book the things to not talk about with the sister is a previous marriage unless your girl has a specific question and then be careful. Another area to be careful of is in your current finances. Don't tell everything because it will get screwed up and you won't know what exactly they are looking for.
You know what you want so give it all you've got. In time the language thing will be overcome, for the most part.
Good luck and I'll pray for both of you.
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Lloyd , why battle with your Chinese if you had purchased a Besta electronic translator not only could you have had a lot of fun together with it but it can also teach you English to Mandarin , etc , now that you have been there once and know some of the ins and outs of China , you will enjoy next time . Maybe by asking your lady what has upset her you can rescue the situation , maybe she expected you to act like a caveman and not a gentleman he he , every woman is different and silly things to us which we just forget about can ride on their minds and us foreigners would not have a clue , good luck , now you are home rest , relax and keep on chatting , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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Lloyd first thing slow down.Get your head on straight.And call the sister.The sister is your best friend.And your secrete weapon.Your lady is just over thinking this thing.And it has got her all twisted.The sister can get your ladies head straightend out.
Communication is the key to this.Most of us have had the same problem at one time or another. So How do you communicate with your lady? Human translater,Besta translator,computer translation program,Or Chinglesh.If you don't have access to a translator.You need to learn Chinglesh.Then teach it to your lady.Chinglesh is easy to learn.And it can get you threw some tough times.When you have nothing else to fall back on.
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Alright, communication thus far we tend to use qq and mdbg.net translator. while there, communication we were both ok. If the conversation turned difficult, we would resort to sitting at the desk in the hotel room and typing. The trick with calling her sister, her sister does not speak English, but she knows my Chinese is terrible, yet I can read pinyin and they all think I speak well, even if I do not fully understand what I am saying. I am hoping and currently working on what to say to her, I have her phone number, I need to find out if we can use email. Which would help, I have ordered new learning resources, just waiting for them to arrive. When I first enlisted in the army, during boot camp they tried to convince me to become a linguist. I do pick up languages somewhat easy, but as we all know, Chinese is not as easy as most languages to learn. I made the mistake of using Rosetta and lonely planet, not the best resources. Now, on my kindle I have a book on dirty Chinese and the books I ordered focus on using a few Chinese fables to teach the language. I tried to stick with the ones that people recommended.
Her English learning was great, she of course has a Chinese accent, but her accent is far more mild than most Asians I have met.
After sitting back, taking time and thinking over everything. She was showing me several Chinese Operas on Wednesday, one of the ones she showed me, she made a comment about the characters and how were like them. We had our love, but not the approval of father. So I wonder if she maybe fibbed a bit on what her parents said about me. As I said before, I know he was not happy with my poor Chinese. So I think I have found the uphill battle.
I also have one translator's phone number that was sent to me, before my trip. I may use that as a backup option with sister. For now, she has made herself invisible to me on qq, but she did pick up the composed letter I sent to the agency after I messaged her on qq. The message specifically stated I wished she would pick up the second letter that I had just sent to the agency.
I have told her in that letter and in messages, I am not willing to yield and that I am still visiting her. My next flight is actually August 26, I'm considering an attempt at Beijing Opera tickets. The only thing I worry about is of course that charming person in Beijing. Hongyun thinks she cannot navigate Beijing without her and well, we know the witch is never going to ease up on hating me.
wish me luck with sister
Lloyd
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Hey Lloyd,
Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm a bit confused. Could you let us know what level of putonghua you're at? From what I have read, it sounds like you can read some pinyin and understand a little verbal communication. Is that accurate?
From the sounds of it, your lady does sound spooked. Definitely engage the help of her sister. But that said, make sure she sees that you are looking to improve your chinese. Show her the books you've bought (photos in a familiar environment with you holding up the books/discs/etc) and also try to make the occasional phone call to her. Basically it's up to you to prove that you're up to the challenge. HongYun's sister can only help.... it's up to you to carry the ball as it were.
Really hope this works out for you.
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My level of Chinese, I understand some speech, speak fine (so I'm told), but it's putting the words together to form a sentence. As for reading, the trick with reading in Pinyin, it's almost as difficult to discern as trying to hear a Chinese conversation and being tone deaf. I so feel for my dad on that one.
Plus last week was a little stressful with dad's surgery that was supposed to originally happen before I even stepped into the airport and my own mother not keeping me in the loop, the last two times she failed to keep me in the loop, family members almost died and I didn't know until afterwards. Needless to say, that doesn't help with the focus.
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I've received the latest reply, "对不起，真的很对不起，我们可以做朋友，但是我们做不了夫妻，我祝你早日照的自己的幸福" which mdbg.net translates as "I'm sorry, I am very sorry that we can be friends, but we do not husband and wife, I wish you a speedy according to their own happiness"
both fortunately and unfortunately it's after 6pm in Handan, which means the agency office is closed. I'm calling them tonight/tomorrow and getting their assistance with speaking to sister. this response came after I emailed her a print screen of the book order that is coming in today. She has picked up the letter I wanted her to get from the agency.
No, there is no quit in me, I found my way into her heart and I'm not going to give up so easily.
I just need to be persistent.
Lloyd
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Lloyd,,be persistent, i feel for you, keep trying, she is worth the effort, right now i know how you feel , try as hard as you can to overcome the problem ,,if it means to keep communicating through the agency then do so,,MinYing and myself still have the problems and we still persist with this as we both know we will have problems.
do not give up.
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I agree with John on his most recent post. Peggy and I have been talking since October 2009 and we still have problems in communication. More often than not it is an error in understanding. Fortunately she is as persistent as I am and we work our way through it. Don't forget the sister in all of this. She can get HongYun out of her head and back to her heart.
I hoping for the best.
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well, at the moment, she has not cut me off. However, I have received a warning. It's a start in the right direction and I am calling the agency tonight to see if they can help me in talking with her sister. Downside, Saturday is her birthday, so I know they will probably do something as a family, I'm hoping I can maybe get a message to the sister beforehand, but I'm also trying to be very careful, I don't want to push too hard and blow it.
I've already made the statement a couple times, that I am still continuing my September plans, which actually, I'll fly out of Detroit on the 26th of Aug. I'll have 4 weeks and I'm hoping with my new collection-first book arrived this afternoon-I'll be able to make it through better. I want to talk to her sister about a wonderful evil plan I have. Hongyun got me hooked on Chinese Opera, her singing helped create an addict. The blossoming plan, The Beijing Opera, August 27th. If I can get sister and her husband to convince to go along, it will be a big help. Although I have no idea which piece they will be performing, I'm thinking Hua Mulan, or Handan Dream would be perfect, but I doubt if I would be so lucky.
So here's to scheming and plotting, hoping it will work. In the meantime, I promised sister and her husband a bottle of one of my favorite wines. I'm torn between a couple, they like red, so I might go with a St. Julian (Michigan Vineyard blend of Cherry and Cabernet) or a nice Ontario Ice Wine. I did say my favorite, which would lean toward the ice wine, but the cherry is amazingly not candy-like, as most cherry wines are. I've got a few months to figure it out, I'll just check out the wine festival at Michigan speedway next month and see which seems better. I will say, I am impressed with how much improvement there is in Great Wall as a wine, still not as good as the western vineyards, but then, the vineyards are still developing.
As for my potential of changing my June schedule, it's shot. Dad pointed out, I may be resigning my political positions in the VFW, but I still have to attend the state convention, because, I am his son (he's the current state chair) and it will be my last event as an officer. He is actually ok with me stepping down, I was a bit shocked, but I need more time and as much as I believe in what the organization does for veterans, service-members and their families. It is not a place for younger vets, especially if you are trying to marry a beautiful lady from China.
Lloyd
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ok, so trying to contact sister, I went to the agency and asked echo for help. during the discussion it came up that the translator we did use on some days was not with the agency. Someone her mom asked to step in and help.
I'm hoping that the agency doesn't completely piss her off or actually cause any problems, they have actually been great to this point. As for the translator, I was honoring the family request that we use her, just wish they'd have had her at the lunch with mom and dad....
well, here's to more prayer and lack of sleep
Lloyd
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Well, I have learned much. At this time, I am crushed. I will still carry out my plans to visit China in Aug/Sept, but it will be as a tourist and not as someone hoping for a wedding in the near future.
I will share the letter I received from her through the agency. My hopes are that while we will retain our friendship, her greeting to me means that she keeps hope as do I. Despite what else the letter says. The only trouble with Asian culture is that if key people in the family say it cannot happen. Then you are stuck with that decision. I wish things had gone differently, but a wish does not solve the problem.
亲爱的劳埃德
Thanks for sincerely letters and also thanks for your wishes for my birthday .i really moved a lot and I read every word carefully , every word touched my heart, I want to say thank you from my deep heart.
Dear ,in fact you knwo I write this letter with a heavy heart , I have wrote to you from my private email , hope you could understand my meaning and heart . i have told you what i thought of us .You are such a kind and sincerely man. But I think we are not suitable for eachother .
From so many days we stay together we have a deep understanding of eachother. but I found the reality is not so perfect as we thought , I am so sorry if I made you sad and disappointed . But it is really difficult for my family and me to accept our relationship now .
I also feel so complicated now , but I have to tell you the truth . hopefully you could understand me . I do wish we could keep a good friendship . it is so nice to meet you in my life , I will never forget you .
Whenever you are sad or happy , you could write to me . I would like to share anything with you ,just as a friend . ok?pls keep enough confidence to find your true love , I believe there is a special girl waiting for you in the future
All my best wishes for your father and family
Keep happy and well there
Yours sincerely红运
I will need a couple days to allow this to settle in. I will not attempt to write to her today, I already made the mistake of such stupidity and will not risk losing her friendship. As my Chinese improves, I hope that maybe I can win back the love of my friend and that perhaps time will allow her family to see through the faults of this one difficult period and how it affected me.
John, I would still like to attend your wedding if I am in China at that time. Maybe, my friend, Hongyun will attend with me, but I will not ask her until I am again in China.
I will remain a member of the forum, and the community. Eventually I may be able to once again write of happy news here.
Thank you all for your friendship, knowledge and support.
Lloyd
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I feel for you brother, really feel for you, You are still very welcome at the wedding ceremony, And Hongyun too, I truly hope you can salvage your relationship.
MinYings father called an early end to our first meeting in Beijing in September 2010 but she and i persisted and she told me that she would demand that we be married if he did not agree to our plans, My thoughts are with you tonight, I too am feeling sad for you as i know you really wanted this to work and from following your posts from the beginning i know you love this woman, Best of luck to you, Regards from John.
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Lloyd, I'm really sorry and saddened to read such a sad ending to your story. I know how you feel, and it's not easy, and I know that nothing anyone says will make you feel better. Time is the only cure for how you are feeling. Well, time or the love of someone else, but you won't believe that until it happens. This trip was not a failure, it was an experience that very few men are brave enough to have.
I know, I have no doubt, that there is a Chinese woman out there for you. She will love you and appreciate you. She will hear of your first trip and be shocked that she didn't love you. She will cherish every second you are together and she would never dream of hurting you. I know this, because that's how my wife is to me.
When the time is right, use your web of Chinese contacts to try to meet someone instead of going through a dating site. I met my wife on QQ, a random friend. We were friends well before we ever met.
By the way, your Chinese was way better than mine will likely ever be. I wish I had your confidence and skill.
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Lloyd sorry to here of this sad ending , you really are a good guy ,
you were open and honest with your postings ,
but keep the faith Lloyd, many people are here to help you through your difficult time
from the letter you received it does seem to be the end of the road ? i have had two similar letters Lloyd
same mood same type of letter to say goodbye
two times this as happend to me , but for me it was third time luck , wow and what a beautiful wife i have now
chin up my Friend dust your self down and come back better for the experience,
as some members have said talking and writing and having QQ sessions is fine, but it is not until you have a face to face meeting will you know if both parties are right for each other
your story as just begun Lloyd , there will be a a wonderful Chinese women waiting for you somewere in china
you are a great guy Lloyd , keep your chin up
thinking of you at this time regards joey and Sophia
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Joe,
that is not exactly the most supportive and polite thing to say at this exact moment. The keep your chin up is fine, but telling me to move on the same day I got the letter. Pardon me if I am a little on the bitter side over that concept.
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Lloyd , as other's .. I'm very saddened to hear of the outcome of this seemingly great start of a Love Story .. but as many find out " Life " sucks big time sometimes and no one wants to be part of such .
This Letter I know is heart-breaking to receive , heck it is hard for me to read as I feel your Pain in all this . I went through this very same type of Letter with the first Lady I had written to ( Min ) with the feeling of giving up afterward's . But , exactly this very Woman that also wanted to stay Friends with me .. made me pick myself up and move on to try again . Here I am married to the best I could ever had hoped for . I agree with you , don't give your lovely Lady up just yet .. it is far from over .. unless they throw you out the Door , both Hongyun and her Family . We had many Member's here , going through the same up-hill battle you're faced with now . If it's a 50-50 chance , then .. that is still good add's for a Gentleman to keep trying to win his Lady's heart . One thing that is clear ( i'm sure ) the dust will all settle with your next Trip and by then .. all Cards will be Face-up .. for you and Hongyun to move whatever direction you two deside to take .
I wish " Both " of you .. not to make a msitake and choose the "Wrong " path and waste a wonderful Life together if possible .
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Nice one Arnold , spot on , even though my chn lady was a lovely lady , we did not tick each others boxes completely , but even now we chat and even Sujuan chats to her now and again , as she knows we tick the boxes on both sides of the fence and I look after her family as I do my own , but if her family had said no it would have been a struggle , as you know we become very much a part of their family once accepted , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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Lloyd,
I am sorry to hear the news. I know your heart is breaking right now. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Shaun
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Lloyd
Sorry, but I am with Joey on this one !!!
You know we all feel your pain and we all wish we could do something to help....but we can only give whatever support you need.....and tell you what (in our opinion) may work for you in these dark days.
If you think it is worthwhile to persist with bringing the family round to your point of view, then that is your decision and only you can make it. But dont lose track of yourself in this scenario, you can beat yourself up over a hopeless task and then you achieve nothing but more pain.
You will always be battling if you dont have the 100% endorsement from her family...sad but true.
Whatever you decide in the medium term, I wish you all the luck in the World, and any help I or we can offer is yours for the asking.....but it IS true, there are many, many lovely Ladies in China....I was batting 0 for 5 when I met my Princess....and I am damm glad I did persist, and not get crushed by the whole negative experience
Cheers...David
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Sorry you are feeling sad right now, its not easy. It's all life experiences, we grow with each step we take. You will get through this, be stronger and you will be happy again. Best wishes.
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Hi Lloyd,
Sorry to hear about the bad news. Like Neil said, "time is the only cure". Keep your head up. You didn't do anything wrong. I am sure you treated Hongyun like a queen. Let some time pass before you try writing her. I know from experience that being too pushy only pushes the one you love further away. Also, I do not think Joey was not being supportive of you by implying you should move on. His message was full of support and I am sure we are all on your side. If things can work out for you and Hongyun, that would be great. However, many of us have experienced that most of the time when we get letters like this, it is means the end of the road. We are not trying to be unsupportive, but just telling you the truth. I know at a time like this it may hurt. We are only trying to help you through this. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. I am praying for you!
Keith
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I apologize to everyone for being a cranky, you-know-what. She and I continue to communicate and I am sorry, but I worked to hard to just walk away like that. She knows I still plan my return trip at the end of August and I have every intention of being the other white guy in Handan at a happy union that someone is planning. Thank you for the invite John, what will happen in the coming months I have no idea. The big problem is her families doubt of my ability to learn Chinese. Of course her brother refusing to meet me doesn't help.
Should I not succeed in my plans, eventually I will move on. Presently, she already knows, I have a one year visa and plans for two trips to China, because I am not enduring another family Christmas with my brother on his pulpit yet again. I'll just leave present for my nephews with the folks and go have a good time in China, most of my friends here agree. A couple of them joked about coming with me, so they wouldn't have to worry about running into my brother while Christmas shopping.
Until later,
Lloyd
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Forgot to mention,
Now that I'm home and have been able to read the paperwork from dad's little hospital trip. They removed the lower lobe of the right kidney, Doctor thinks he got it all, let's hope so. He's a bit slow in healing, they had to do a small procedure this week because he wasn't healing correctly. She has offered prayers and wishes for him a couple times since that nasty letter. Which is good, when I told him about the trouble we're having you could see his heart sink. He's still in pretty good spirits, but like anyone who had an egg beater taken to their insides, he still sore, still not moving real fast and getting crankier every stinking day. I think mom might beat to death soon.
Lloyd
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Hey Lloyd, I Hope your father pulls through this with good health, My father has been recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and is to stubborn at this moment to do anything about it, He with my mum will be going to Thailand in early June and he tells me he will get it sorted when he returns,
Anyhow, I hope that you can salvage the relationship between yourself and Hongyun, You are still very welcome at the wedding ceremony,,And anyone else from this site that is in China in September,,I just have to wait to hear from ma ma and the fortune teller for the precise date for the wedding ceremony,,keep you all posted.regards from MinYing and John.
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It is interesting to work through the problems and try and find a solution, or a compromise. At this point, well, it's not the letter I received through the agency and not what she said to me, but she apparently didn't think other people would talk to me. I'm not going to go into detail, but I've learned a great deal from friends and family. Yes, I managed to crack that nut. Her sister offered to help me because the family absolutely adored me. Yes, grandma's funeral was an issue with mama, those things happen. Apparently since her divorce she has had a bit of a self-destructive streak. Then she met me, as I'm told anyway. So the hard part for me, is she is running away from me, because I am not just some random person who she could hang around for a while, drain my wallet and then push me off.
Most of her friends and family are telling me to cut and run, which is depressing to say the least. She now, is not responding, period.
I still have my tickets to China and I still plan on attending John's wedding, b/c I want to see if he gets the whole circus or not for a wedding party. I have other friends inviting me to different areas, including Beijing, Guangzhou, Qingdao and Xi'an. There's also one friend on qq who has gone a bit psychotic offering herself to be a good and true wife. She has scared me a little.
In the meantime, it's life, I have to work and do other things, I'm gonna talk with my other friends and see where things go.
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I would say visit her if you can. A true face to face may bring the truth to the surface. But I have to tell you another part, I was told the same "cut and run" with my ex and I wish to hell I listened.
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I think you would make sure: what would she want to after you met each other.
You know. There are different Chinese ladies in china. Some Chinese ladies have a nice job and nice life before marries, but some are poor with no nice job.
The marriage in china has 2 meanings: marrying a man that is called jia (嫁) means the lady will become man's family people; marrying a lady that is called qu (娶) means the man make the lady become his family people. That means the man is hunter for the family and need to make money to support the family if the lady couldn't make much money.
Sara
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All I can really say at this point, she knows when I will be back in China, knows I plan to attend a friends wedding. John, don't worry, if her famous temper shows up, I'll corral it out of the party. She knows I've no problem doing the sack o' potatoes thing. I will continue to drop her a line periodically, but I also not going to waste a plane ticket to China. Setting up tentative travel/tourism plans with a couple friends, maybe I will harass a few people here when I figure out when and where specifically. That means John needs to figure out his date though. ;D
Sara, thank you, I understand, one of our talks involved her thoughts on working to support her parents and after every time I repeated myself, she still didn't believe that I was going to let her work and send the money back to her parents. I think that has something to do with that evil person from an earlier post, who tried telling me I know nothing of the US legal system, or how economics works... I must be a really dumb veteran and a lousy accountant. ::)
Lloyd
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some chinese ladies who have a nice job with a nice family needn't to support her parents becauce thier parents have their retired salary and house.
the money would become important when some people really need it for eating and living in life. some of chinese people will never be retired in china.
you know the chinese culture is different from the west culture although i don't like some of chinese culture. a lot of people think the man need to suport his wife and her family in china. that is chinese culture.
i just try to tell you the differnce between the west and a chinese lady although you might love the chinese culture.
Sara