China Romance

All About China => Understanding Chinese Women => Topic started by: Axiom on November 10, 2011, 05:29:14 pm

Title: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Axiom on November 10, 2011, 05:29:14 pm
So my woman was stressed out the other day and being a good guy I tired to comfort her. To which she got MORE upset... later (making a long story short) she told me a chinese guy wouldnt just ask if something was wrong... theyd just try to make it better. 

So then we got into a long discussion abou tthings I do like ask her if shes hungry or thirsty, I would get her something... and she says that a chinese guy would just go get her stuff without asking first since they would assume she would need it.

So is this true? Do chinese guys really have a better empathy towards women? or is it just the girl friends stress level?

Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: shaun on November 10, 2011, 05:36:16 pm
I've never had this problem.  But then again we don't live in the same house.
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Clayton on November 10, 2011, 06:28:00 pm
I cringed when I red your story Axiom, this sounds so much like my ex, nothing i did was ever right.
Chinese men?  bull dust, she, in my opinion is just playing with your mind and would have you running after her 24 7.
I don't believe this is a culture difference at all, just a woman trying to manipulate her man .
I doubt if you had got her something to eat and drink without asking first that she would have been happy, she probably would have found something wrong with it .
I'm sorry Axiom for coming on so heavy but I've seen it all before, I hope I'm totally wrong about your situation ,
Any Chinese woman I have had anything to do with see it as there duty to run after the men and hardly ever ask for ant thing for themselves so that when you do do something for them they appreciate it no end.

Just my observation.

Cheers
Leeroy
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Neil on November 10, 2011, 06:32:30 pm
If she were to bring you a cold beer, would you not drink it?  Sounds like she just wants you to take more of the initiative. 

Leeroy does have a good point.  If she's an only child she probably is a bit spoiled.  I hope that's not the case. 
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Vince G on November 10, 2011, 06:47:03 pm
Well? it's just about all of the above can be correct and you can maybe guess at what is. Explain to her (use these words) western men are taught asking first if you would like something, it is seen as more attentive and polite way. 

If she don't buy it your screwed.   ::)
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Jason B on November 10, 2011, 07:00:04 pm
I do not have any answers but then again there might be some answers in the manual for girls, if we can just find it......... ;D ;D ;D

But from my own experiences, if Xia looks upset I will ask her what is wrong and we can try to work out a solution from there that is equal and a win/win for both people - you can not fix something if you do not know what is broken or I am making food/drink etc. of course I will ask Xia if she wants some too.

She has never said that a Chinese man would just do things.

Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Arnold on November 10, 2011, 08:01:55 pm
I don't know if this helps , but the only time I saw Qing upset or in a bad Mood .. was when she failed her Driving Test the first two times . As I have plenty experience from my first Marriage , I knew to keep at an Arms-length away at all time and ONLY say/come out with .. soft spoken words of Courage . Never mind asking why are you upset or how do you feel and just let it cool by itself , which took a couple days .. but I was on SAFE ground .
So Axiom , I think the Spoiled part fits the best in your Situation . She needs to adjust to "Our Ways" and I'm sure she will .. but give it time .
If Qing told my this , what a Chinese Man would do .. I'd just tell her .. would you rather be married to a Chinese Man then ?? I think that would put that on a Hold quick .
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Willy The Londoner on November 10, 2011, 08:22:32 pm
C'mon guys stop hitting your heads again the wall.  We all know that we will never really understand any Chinese woman's mind. Probably any woman's come to that.

This is for all - Just make sure that any little things that bother her do not become so important that they blow your relationship as has happened to others.

Plus they will give another example of whats bothering them rather than tell you the real reason.

Willy
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: JamesM.Roberts on November 11, 2011, 05:01:07 am
Sorry Axiom but I have to ask......did you ever find out what made her upset in the first place?? I remember (well .....very well) the day me and Ping went to get a passport type photo of her for the paperwork.  she had a wear a plain dark shirt with her hair pulled back. when she came out of the photographers -she was pouting. She handed me the photo, and of course I said "oh what a cute Chinese boy" ......yes as soon as the words left my mouth I knew :o that and the fact that Ping went from pouting to this---> >:(   Long story short after a while of glares and no talking she confessed that she was pouting because....get this ...she didn't like the photo because she looked like a boy.  So even though I was right ....I was wrong -understand????
that's okay....me neither!
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Arnold on November 11, 2011, 11:27:30 am
Man ... is there a better example than this ? hahahahaha
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Pineau on November 11, 2011, 11:44:11 am
I really cant agree with what she has said about Chinese men.  Fiona and her girlfriends do not have very much good to say about their ex boyfriends/husbands. Occasionally they say so in so has a really good hysband but for the most part their opinion is that Chinese men are selfish, self centered and uncaring. Jing had the same opinion. But it was accepted because he was a "Man".
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: David E on November 11, 2011, 04:45:56 pm
Axiom

That was pure bullsh*t.... a Chinese Man would sit there and fully expect his wife to be a complete mind reader and anticipate his every need...and if she got it wrong, she would likely get a slap on the head !!!

Ming is still amazed that I say "thank you" if she makes me a coffee or somesuch.

And to actually be with her in the kitchen and help with the cooking has taken her a lot of time to get used to...she originally believed I was only there to check on her and criticise where necessary.

I will certainly concede that is is not so easy to get her to talk freely about anything that worries her...same syndrome, a Chinese Man would not be the slightest bit interested in what worried her....only in what worried HIM, and everybody would get to know pretty damm quick what it was.

OK, it is probably wrong to typecast ALL Chinese Men in this way, but it is a reasonably close fit to the vast majority of them.
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: john1964 on November 11, 2011, 07:14:29 pm
I find myself in total agreement with David, MinYing is the same when i say thank you for minor things and even to carry shopping bags when we go out together, She told me that her ex-husband never showed any appreciation towards her and yes, she was expected to be a mind reader, I know over her ten year marriage she was slapped around for her troubles and NEVER appreciated , She tells me that it is not right for a husband to show his appreciation and say "thank you" to his wife, Now i know she loves being appreciated, Happy wife, Happy life, :) John.
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Chong on November 12, 2011, 10:21:47 am
You have a modern day "Diva"/"Princess" ... it's a catch-22. If you go ahead and assume/do something and it's wrong ... she'll ask you why you didn't ask her first.

In Southern China ( where I lived in 2009 ), men are uncaring and self-center. There are many mistresses and girlfriends outside of the marriage. They walk way ahead of their women and they expect their women to fetch food and drinks for them.

In relation to your question ... "Do chinese guys really have a better empathy towards women?" ... 90% of mainland Chinese guys = absolutely "NO" !
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Jan on November 16, 2011, 09:14:59 am
I've told my girl many times. I am not Chinese. And I will never be. Even though I wish to learn Chinese language, culture and customs.

We have also had many misunderstandings. But we talk it out. Find out what are the cultural differences or why has there been misunderstanding. Or why is there a problem in the first place...

She and I are beginning to understand that there are a lot of things the opposite in our cultures, in the ways we speak and express our selves... So there are going to lots of things that feel rude, or wrong, or evil, sad etc... But then we just have to ask, talk it out, figure out whats going on. "is this what you meant?"... Usually its me doing most of the work. But still its together...

I've also asked her if she wanted me to be Chinese. She has always said no. That no Chinese man could be as nice as I am, or as caring, etc etc...

You need to let her know what is acceptable. What is not. My girl has tried to be jealous, sad, many things... But some things are not acceptable. She just has/had to learn to trust me. And I always tell her if I feel that something is not acceptable...
Especially jealousness was a big problem at the start. She always felt and thought that I could leave her any day. But the longer we know, the more she knows me. The more she trusts, the better she understands.
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Irishman on November 27, 2011, 09:11:05 pm
She tells me that it is not right for a husband to show his appreciation and say "thank you" to his wife, Now i know she loves being appreciated, Happy wife, Happy life, :) John.
My Sunny is the exact same. I must admit I found it strange to begin with but as time goes by I find it more genuine and nice. I always get a smile or a kiss for doing something nice. A thank you is nice, but give me a nice smile or a kiss any day :) . Maybe I am old fashioned. I prefer the Chinese way. We will raise our kids this way but will tell them to say thanks outside the family.
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: john1964 on November 27, 2011, 11:23:28 pm
I agree with you Irish man, A smile or a kiss is a nice way to show appreciation, I got a lovely message from MinYing a few days ago saying " I never knew a kiss could mean so much, I just want you to kiss me, I have never enjoyed such treatment, I will love you always".
I still say "Thank you" for minor things when we are on-line every night and i know she enjoys the appreciation, Now her attitude has changed and if  she is to be late for our nightly QQ  chat I always say that I will wait for her and her reply is "Thank you husband".
I asked her about a month ago that if she never met a foreigner through Chnlove what she would have done, Her reply was that she never wanted to be with another Chinese man and she  would have spent the rest of her life alone, Her words, not mine, John.
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Peter501 on November 30, 2015, 11:24:33 pm
So it appears to be true.    99% of Chinese men give the rest bad name LOL.
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: JohnB on March 06, 2016, 02:02:45 pm
I think the financial stakes to marry a Chinese woman has unwittingly altered, what we think in the West,
is the marriage 'game plan'. You can put all culturalisms aside if Chinese men are willing/ having to pay a large
dowry to her family in order to marry their sweethearts.

http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-35727057
A shocking, albeit unverified, story has been making the rounds on Chinese social media, highlighting concerns
over the traditional practice of paying a bride price. It was a tale that resonated with many Chinese people. A local
station ran a story about a man who wanted to marry his pregnant girlfriend. But when he wasn't able to afford a
payment of more than £20,000 (about $30,000), the woman's father put an end to any talk of a prospective
wedding - and forced his daughter to get an abortion. It's unclear whether there's any actual truth to the story. The
man wasn't identified by the station and attempts to contact him or find out more have been unsuccessful. But the
strong reaction to the story online points to a larger issue anxiety over the rising cost of bride prices in a country where
there's a marked shortage of women.

BBC Trending Radio
More on this story from the BBC World Service here.
The bride price is similar to a dowry, but paid from prospective groom to the family of the bride,
rather than from the bride to the groom's side of the family. Manya Koetse, China expert and editor
of What's on Weibo, says it's a centuries-old tradition in the country that lived on through the
communist era. And Koetse, who initially spotted the story of the man and his girlfriend making the
rounds on Chinese social networks, says the sums involved today are rising in step with China's growing
economy.
"It was there in the 1950s, 60s, 70s... In that time the bride price could be a thermos flask, or bedding,"
she says. "Later on it became furniture, then a radio or a watch. When we come to the 1980s it could
have been a television or a refrigerator. And since China's economy has been opening up, that's when the
bride price started changing into hard cash."
Economic prosperity is one reason for the rising bride price, but another key factor is the shortage of women
caused by China's one-child policy.
A traditional preference for males who provide labour and traditionally look after their parents in old age led to
a huge increase in sex-selective abortion and even neglect and infanticide of female babies.
Currently, according to Harvard researchers, there are 118 men for every 100 women in China, and an
"extra" 40 million males in the country.
Consequently, in some areas the bride price has skyrocketed, and the people who are most hurt by this
are men in rural areas.
"They're called 'bare branches'," says Koetse, "guys who are very poor, aren't educated, they don't have
a wife or children, so they're like a tree without leaves. There are villages across China which are full of men
like this."
"They have double trouble actually," she says. "Women leave these villages to move to bigger cities to find a
man who can offer them more than the guys in the village. And the few women who remain might have 20 men
each who want to marry them, so they can ask for a high bride price."
Follow BBC Trending on Facebook
Join the conversation on this and other stories here.
The Harvard researchers say the gender imbalance could lead to higher crime and social unrest among a "restless
class of single men".
As for the reaction to the story about the man whose girlfriend was forced to get an abortion, Koetse says the
online reactions in China to the local news were somewhat surprising, at least to Westerners. Many people
defending the father's actions and criticising the couple for getting involved with each other without thinking of the
the implications. Others took a different view and criticised the bride price tradition.


With the Chinese gender imbalance of 120 men to every 100 women, things are going to be much different soon,
but I am willing to think with the Chinese economy in transition, the willingness to pay exorbitant monies may be muted. 
Maybe windows of opportunity still exists in the marriage playing field for the wise & persistent Western man.
Title: Re: The difference between Chinese and western men
Post by: Robertt S on March 06, 2016, 03:04:32 pm
 Sooner or later the government will have to step in and ease the hormonal strain on the male population! It will not be too long before the men get tired of the high priced local women and look elsewhere for love at more affordable cost.  Thailand, Vietnam, Philippines, Cambodia, India, and Indonesia are loaded with women who are just as pretty and just as capable of being an excellent wife and mother.
 The Chinese government could also help by reducing the immigration obstacles that Chinese citizens face when trying to bring foreign brides into China. The Chinese woman would be wise to look back at the auto industry in Detroit and see what happened when the unions over-priced themselves.
 I also believe the attitude towards foreign men running around China looking for brides is going to change also since the supply of eligible Chinese women is so limited, may be some cases where the foreigners are blamed for driving up the dowry prices and taking eligible local women from them.
 The silver lining in this cloud is that now maybe the left-over women will get a second chance at happiness! ;D 8) :)