China Romance
All About China => Share your love story => Topic started by: Peter Arnold on December 13, 2011, 02:57:09 am
-
I finally have some time to write an update on my search for my Chinese Princess. Having been to China twice to visit my first lady, I knew that there was no future for me with this lady as there wasn't the chemistry. We became very good friends, but I knew about two weeks out from my second trip that my heart really wasn't in it.
So, to cut a long story short, I started my search again when I got back on CLL as I still had some subscription left. I met one lady who I liked, but was being worked to death, and didn't have the time to talk.
When my subscription ran out, I almost did not renew, but I am so glad that I did.
Then on the 17Th November, I talked with a 52 year old lady, who I almost let go by. Well, when I first saw her on QQ, having looked at her profile on CLL, I could not believe how gorgeous and vivacious she was compared to her photos. I was smitten from the very start.
There is so much I like about this woman. Her voice, her smile, her laughter. She is the funniest woman I have ever met. She is retired, and a yoga teacher. So we had an instant connection as I practice yoga myself.
I hope you have guessed by now that I am in love with this woman, and we have been only talking for three weeks. Already we are talking of marriage. ;)
I could not have picked a colder place to visit in winter than where she comes from. She is from Harbin. Yes, where the ice festival is and the temperatures are from -10 to -20! I have booked and paid for my air ticket and will fly from Brisbane on the 16Th February and will stay with her for 3 weeks. She is very disappointed I will not be there sooner, but I chose to go after New years and the Ice festival because of the cheaper flights. I managed to get a very cheap ticket, and premium economy to boot. For an average guy like me, premium economy is like first class!
So I have been flat out working to pay for my trip to Harbin and then talking almost every night to my friend.
She is now very diligently working at learning English, and we have both been in stitches trying to get each other up to speed. I have never laughed so much as with this woman.
Her name is Candy. Now I know this is not the best name to carry into the Western world, but she is adamant that she wants to keep it, despite my explanation of its connotations. Her son chose it for her, and her friends all agree that it suits her. I personally do not have a problem with it as it does suit her. She is a very sweet woman. When I type in her name, it comes up as sweet when translated.
I am very glad that I have persisted in my search for a wife in China. Even though we have not spent time in the flesh, I honestly feel that Candy is the woman for me. We have talked about marriage, and her possibility of moving to Australia. She has a son who will also need to come, as all of her parents and parents in law are deceased.
She has asked me about the possibility of me moving to Harbin if she does not get approval. I said I would if I could get teaching work. So, as much as she would like to leave Harbin, she genuinely wants to be with me.
I will post a photo or two so you guys have an idea of who I am keen on.
I would have given up on my search if I was not inspired by all of the successful guys on this site.
So, that is my update. February cannot come soon enough, and I know that the hardest part will be having to leave this woman in Harbin when I leave.
My work situation has steadily improved, so I am feeling positive about the possibility of getting her here if we decide to marry.
Well that is enough for now. I will check in when the date of departure is closer. I would be interested to know if any Aussies have some information about the best strategy to get her son here. Can I wait 12 months, then get Candy to sponsor him? Would this be the best approach. I know these are early days, but I need to consider all of these things.
Have a good Christmas guys. Maybe I will get time to get back onto this site and catch up on other peoples progress.
-
I want to add another photo of Candy. She is so much more photogenic than me! ;D
-
Mate, so glad to hear from you again and with some very good positive news. So many people come and go and it can be a bit of a wonder where they are upto in their own search and journey.
You have a good looking woman there, if I was not already married and a little older I would give you a run for your money. ;D ;D ;D
Can I wait 12 months, then get Candy to sponsor him? Would this be the best approach. I know these are early days, but I need to consider all of these things.
I think you will find that you will need to wait about 2 years for her to sponsor someone. Maybe wrong but this is my understanding of this. But you will be able to put them onto the one immigration form to come here together. The way they (immigration) look at it is that you as the citizen are sponsoring everyone on the one form so as many as there are on there is what you are responsible for. I do not know the dynamics of the family but still may need the fathers approval for the son. Others may have the necessary info there.
Looking forward to the updates. And I am so glad it is you going there into the freezing temps and not me... :P ;D ;D ;D
-
Great new Peter and good luck. Looks like you found yourself a keeper.
-
great news Peter. Looks like you are the winner.
-
Warms my Heart , but my Feet are cold .. just thinking about those Temp's in Feb. living in Southern Calif. .
It really is something , those who have almost given up ( me included ) .. are the ones who suddenly find "THEE" one . Well , certainly hope that is the case with you Peter .
-
Hi Peter
Congratulations...hope all goes to plan when you visit Harbin (you are a very brave Man to venture into that sort of cold weather in Feb !....what we do for love ;D ;D ;D)
You dont say how old is her son. If he is under 18 you can include him in your application for Candy. If he is older than this, you can get him here on an Education visa (for Uni) or a Student visa (for High School)
If he is a mature adult (18+) than you will have to get him sponsored for work on a 457 visa (a bit tricky unless he is in a work category that qualifies...Doctor, Dentist, Linesman, Welder etc etc)
Other than that, you will need to wait for Candy to get P/R...(about 2 years) and then she can sponsor him on a family reunion visa. If he is over 18, you wont need his Father's approval for him to emigrate.
Cheers and good hunting !!!...David
-
Congrats Peter. hope it works out for you, be patient, February will come :)
-
Peter , We know that it is early days , but have a great time in Harbin , go down to an army surplus store in Brisy and get 2 sets of thermal underwear along with gloves and when you arrive in Harbin you need to be wearing at least 1 pair Because unless you have been to Antartica lately you have no idea just how cold it may be and how quickly you can get sick , but as it is a lovely area enjoy yourself , regards Sujuan and Robert .
-
Good read Peter, I hope candy is the right one for you, Take Roberts advice about the thermal underwear, You don't want to end up with pneumonia like i did when i went to Handan last year, All the best mate, John .
-
Just an update on our journey. I feel like I have been living with this woman for the past 3 weeks. When I am not working, I am talking with her. She even wants me to leave QQ on when I cook dinner. I am about 49 days from leaving, and we both are eager to be together. This woman seems to totally get me, as in understand me, and I get her. She has a wonderful sense of humor. I have been to see an immigration lawyer and he has been extremely helpful. He is Chinese and has helped many people into the country. I do not want to stuff up my chances of getting this lady into my life and here with me. Seems that many women defect to Australia from her province of Heilongjiang. So it is important to do it right as they are very tough on the ladies. Her son will be a problem. He is 21 and not a dependent. This will be a tough call if we cannot get him here on her application. I have asked the lawyer to talk with Candy directly on the phone when I get back from China and engage him. She can understand what we are up against then. It will $3,500 well spent if we are successful.
She finds it hard to retain the English I teach her. She said that she has had a fall sometime, and it has affected her memory. Her husband was violent to her as he had alcohol issues which eventually killed him. She showed me a scar on her nose where he fractured her nose.
Anyway, we are pressing on with her English. I am waiting for her to finish 'dzow fahn', breakfast.
-
Good update Peter, My wife is the same, She asks me to leave QQ on when i go cook or go drop my daughter off at work (40 minute round trip), You sound just like me with counting down the days until you go to China, I have a calender where i mark the days off, My children ask me every day "dad have you crossed today off the calender?", Keep trying with the English mate, It will be worth it in the end, John.
-
Well gentlemen, here I go again. I fly out of Brisbane tomorrow for Harbin. It is still very cold there. -10 to -20 still. They had some snow yesterday. I will fly for 9 hours to Guangzhou. I am pretty familiar with that airport now having spent a total of over 14 hours there in the past. But this time I get to stay overnight, then have a 4 hour trip to Harbin the next day to arrive at a civilized hour of 12.20 in the afternoon. I have got my long Johns ready to put on at Harbin Airport before I leave the airport. When I meet Candy, we will probably go shopping for some warm clothes and suitable shoes.
I am hoping the chemistry between us is good and that we both still have a genuine desire to be together. It seems such a long time since we first met and I made travel plans. I would have been over there earlier if it weren't for Chinese New Year celebrations and the Ice Festival. But I am glad it will be a bit quieter now. Chinese have to do the rounds of visiting their relatives every year at Chinese New Year.
So wish me luck guys, and when I get a chance I will post a report on our progress.
-
Have a good trip Peter, I just googled Harbin to see where it is and bloody hell i bet it's cold up there.
Of course the good thing about that is the fun you have keeping each other warm haha, and her English will come all in good time, you sound like a patient man to me so i don;t think you will have any problems there.
I wish you all the best and i hope you have the time of your life.
Cheers
Leeroy
-
Have a great time.
-
Ditto what shaun said ;D
-
Good luck Peter. Have a great trip. I'm eager to read all about it.
-
Good luck Peter. How long are you in Guangzhou? oops. your probably on the plane on your way here. Anyway if your not just making a connection send me a message and I will take you to dinner.
-
have a safe trip peter and enjoy , the Ice Carvings should all still be there , regards Sujuan and Robert . Oh and by the way Sujuan and her daughter Sunyao have jumped up to Townswille and Magnetic Island for a few days , I told them it was warmer and drier in Melbourne ha ha .
-
have a good trip mate, atleast you will not need any ice for the beers from the sounds of it........ ::)
-
ditto.. what "Robbie" said !
-
Have a good safe trip Peter, I hope you find what you are looking for, Dont forget an update and some pics, MinYing and John .
-
Okay guys, here is the update from the icebox that is Harbin.
Thanks for the well wishes everybody. It is nice to be able to write something and not have to treanslate it, never knowing if the real meaning is conveyed.
This is an abbreviated version because I pressed the wrong button on a Chinese message while I was trying to download photos, and lost my letter. That really s#$@s me. Oh well, here I go again
I was lucky to hook up with a young Chinese woman from Brisbane, who also had to catch the bus to the hotel That CSAir organised for us. I would have been lost without her. It looked like they were only half organised to get us to the hotel, but it all worked out. I spent the night sharing with a guy heading back to South Korea. He had two daughters in Australia.
When I got off the plane in Harbin, I only had a T shirt and jumper on. It was like steppinyg into an icebox. We had to wait in a bus on the tarmac for everyone to disembark. I had a very good flight over on premium economy, with hardly any passengers around me.
I was very glad to be re-united with my luggage. I am paranoid about my luggage not making the connecting flight. So I changed into my warm clothes and tried to set my eyes upon the woman I had met on QQ. Ofcourse she was there with a beaming smile, and dressed very smartly. She is a short little thing, which makes me feel good about my stature. I always have to look up at all of my friends, and of course my sons.
Candy had enlisted her nephew to be our chauffer. We then headed off for lunch, which was ofcourse more food than we could eat. This is a re-occuring theme in China. We had to get doggy bags to take left-overs in.
As we drove to lunch, I had the thought that if we did hook up, my life would never be the same. Candy said she was happy to see me, but I tlod here it was more like excitement. She can behave like a school girl, which can be a good thing and a bad thing as I felt a bit overwhelmed by her exuberance.
I have been to many family dinners so they can check me out. I am well liked and they want us to be happy and for Candy to find a ccompanion.
On one occassion, a friend of the family made a visit to meet an English speaking person. He had heard I was there, and wanted to practice his skills and meet me. It was very good to be able to express myself in my native English. He was a lovely 18 y.o guy who is studying Economics at University in harbin. We talked for4 some time about world politics and the financial system and other things we were both passionate about. It makes so much difference to be understood and engage in conversation. There were many relatives and friends there that night. More than ten I think. I think I have met all of the family now.
Today we went for a wonderful lunch where the food is barbequed in the middle of the table. It was candys' oldest sister and husband and two children. They are very refined and pleasant people.
I have drunk my fair share of Harbin beer and their version of Mou Tai.
I have been here 12 days so far, and we have covered a lot of ground. I still feel we have some issues to work through, but things are going well, and I really want our relationship to work. Candy is no wallflower and can be quite a handful sometimes. Like someone else said, it is a big step to go from living on your own, to be with someone 24/7. But that is the deal, and i am rolling with it, as is Candy. Her son is still at home, so I haven't had her all to myself. He is a good kid, just a little unmotivated. He only works a few days a week.
We are off to Tianjin this evening by train for 3 nights. This will be a good time to see if we are compatible enough to do the distance.
I will finish up, and try again to attach some photos. She is only short, but she packs a punch. BTW, I am the one with the big bizi ( bee dzer)
I have tried to send photos, but it is just too frustrating from this end. Damn these Chinese Computers. I will send some when I get home.
-
Good to hear that you made it ok to China, Good update, where are the photos ????. Have a ball my friend, I hope it all works out well for you both, Maybe this is the needle in the haystack you have been looking for ?. All the best, John.
-
Great update. It was a good read. I hope your communication between the two of you gets better...it can be a difficult problem to overcome. Looking forward to pictures.
-
Looking forward to the pictures, have a nice stay and good luck.
-
Love the update Peter. The Photo problem I think is not the PC, your Camera might be Frozen solid? :)
Have a great time in Tianjin!
-
Good read but I'll let all the others say it. (What I meant to say was that the others have already said it.)
Have a great time.
-
Okay, here is another update.
We spent 12 hours on the train to Tianjin. There was some confusion about where our beds were, but candy managed to get some beds in the carriage that the railway workers use. We thought we had the carriage to ourselves, but it slowly filled up as the night went on. The trip was fine. Tianjin was still surprisingly cold when we arrived at 7 am the next morning.
I thought I would be smart and book and pay for a room in the Ibis Hotel. But we ended up at an Ibis hotel closer to the train station. So after much frustration to ensure that I was not paying twice, we secured a room at this Ibis hotel. A manager who could speak English mysteriously appeared at the last minute to explain that, yes, my booking had been cancelled and my Visa card would not be debited. It is easy to feel pretty helpless in China when no one can explain what is really transpiring.
They let us in the room before twelve, which was really good of them. The room was bigger than I am used to in most Ibis hotels. That aftyernoon we went to a famous restaurant called Goubuli Baozi, where trhey serve individual steamed buns. Well, the food was very good, but the bill was hefty. We paid 360 yuan ( AU$60 ) for the two of us. We also had a honey and lemon drink which was very nice, as well as a Chicken and walnut soy dish which we could have done without.
Anyway, we had a nice day of window shopping and strolling.
The next day we did an organised on Tianjin. We went to a ceramic pottery museum, where a Chinese national has decorated the whole Italian style building with expensive China vases. He also has a collection of antique furniture inside. We also went to the home of the last Emporer who took refuge in Tianjin. The place has been completely restored. It was a bitterly cold day outside. We had to endure time waiting on a dock for a cruise. Ther best part of the tour was the massive Ferris wheel. It felt so much safer than the one I endangered my life on in Shenyang.
The next day I decided we should plan our own tour, so I got on the internet and looked for tourist sites in Tianjin. I would recommend this idea, and give organised tours the flick. It is cheaper and you are not forced through the shops to buy stuff you don't want. I told Candy that we would be herded through places we did not want to go.
So the next day we went to some huge markets, and also some genuine Chinese craft markets. We also visited a Buddhist Temple. We had a great day, and Candy had her arms loaded up with some bargains. I had a nice time buying some things for her home. We were pleased with ourselves that we had organised our own tour, and had fun doing some retail therapy.
I had reached a crises point with Candys' behaviour during our first day in Tianjin. I told her I could not tolerate her immature behaviour, and her vanity. Maybe I was stressed, but I had to confront these issues with her. I felt that, because of her flippant attitude, she prevented us from being close and intimate. I also felt that she can be inconsiderate and insensitive. It has been difficult for her to acknowledge that her attitude is inconsiderate.
Anyway, I told her that I did not want to be with her if she could not see how her attitude affected me. It felt like a turning point for me. As much as I liked her and wanted to be with her, I was willing to walk away from the relationship.
I have really wrestled with accepting some of her behaviour. I think she was always the joker in the family, and a bit of a demon. Sometimes she does not know when to stop. But I have tried to point out her behaviour as it has come up. So it has not all been smooth sailing.
With all that said, we connect well and have an understanding of each other. Some days can be wonderful and fulfilling. Other times I feel that she lacks awareness.
Now, you may be thinking that we were a bit wobbly together, but I have let things percolate and looked at things from a bigger perspective.
On the way back in the train, both of us were in the top bunks exchanging things on the translator. She was learning some English, and I was at the point of committing myself to this woman. I punched in the words, 'Will you marry me', two times on the translator, before I finally handed it to her. She responded in the affirmative. I was monitoring my heart rate, and everything seemed normal. So I asked her if she would like to see her engagement ring.
To be continued
-
wow weee!
-
Well Peter.....
Congrats to you both.....your life will change now in ways you never thought possible...mostly for the better ;D ;D ;D
Please consider that her "attitude"...ie vanity and levity may well be her way of showing you she A) Cares about her looks and her image..and B) her insensitivity may well be a peception you have because the language issues dont allow either of you to communicate on a fundamental level yet.
I can only tell you that my Ming could well be guilty of vanity, but now I know her better I understand it is not insidious...she cares very much about her appearance and she tells me that it is primarily for my benefit...she doesnt want to get fat, wrinkly etc because of all the younger women falling at my feet (hahaha). And although Ming is 43, she could pass for 32, and she works hard to keep it that way....kinda flattering and nice for me !!
Communication gets better and better over time, I am sure much of the flippancy and immaturity will fade as she gets more confidence with the relationship.
But on the other hand, if it REALLY bugs you and you cant see the possibiity of a change in her...be careful.......if you cant accept and love her for who she is...it is unlikely that you will be able to change her ways...and neither should you try to !!!! We all have our flaws...yes, even I have one or two ::) ::)
Good luck....be patient with her, she is worth it.
-
........ We all have our flaws...yes, even I have one or two ::) ::)
Do tell mate...Do telll !!! ;D ;D ;D
-
Spot on David E, we have not much to add, unless a partner has an understanding of English close to the elts test , then in depth discussions are nigh on impossible as they will hear only every second word and generally the less favourable ones , you accept them as they are and over time you will meet in the middle , regards Sujuan and Robert .
-
I just want to know where that engagement ring was kept!
Willy
-
Peter, Way to go, I asked MinYing to marry me when we were together the first time in Beijing, Communication was at almost zero between us but It grew much easier as time went on, Sometimes i think my wife can be insensitive but this is the way she has been brought up, I to can be the same way toward her and have woken up to myself and accepted this fact, As for the vanity issue, Before I met MinYing I would not have looked at her twice, She had no pride in her appearance and told me that she did not care what people thought of her, When i met her in Beijing I honestly thought she looked washed out and not a speck of make-up on her face, Personally I do not care for too much make up but I do like my wife to dress well.
When I met her for the second time in her home town I saw a different picture, Well groomed and looked 10 years younger, She tells me that she has a new lease on life and feels good about herself and does not want me to be ashamed to walk with her, What David has said is absolutely correct, Accept her and love her for who she is, Accept her for wanting to look her best for you too, And yes David, It is kind of flattering for our wifes to look there best for us, Cant do much about the way I look though ;D, Any way, All the best Peter, MinYing and John.
-
........ We all have our flaws...yes, even I have one or two ::) ::)
Do tell mate...Do telll !!! ;D ;D ;D
Rob
Do you seriously think that I would expose my couple of flaws to you lot of rat-bags, and be forever vulnerable to being reminded and ridiculed by you ;D ;D ;D
Yeah, sure...but not while my bum points South would I ever fall into that trap !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
Again!!!! ;D
-
Pete, firstly congratulations to you and Candy. You are over the first hurdle. There are many more to go both with the Government and personally as a couple. Trust one another be honest with each other even if it is not what the other person wants to hear, you do not deserve to have your feelings suppressed just to satisfy someone period. But most of all love each other and the rest will fall into place.
Looking forward to more updates, read the Aussie requirements as we have all put our combined knowledge there about the visa processes. Hey it worked for Dave and me so it can't be that hard to do. I am no rocket surgeon and I managed to complete the paperwork myself. Do not know about Dave and from his last post here he wont be ridiculed so we will just have to speculate. ::)
-
Thanks to everybody for your words of encouragement :). I have been here only three weeks, but it feels like 6 months. I have covered so much ground with Candy. I will send another update when I get home, along with some photos of my companion, and the icebox that is Harbin. I will see how my heart is when we have to part at the airport. One of the songs that Candy sent me was an old Crosby, Stills and Nash song, 'Just a song before I go'. I'm pretty sure it will be in my head when we part.
-
Hi Peter, Parting at the airport is a difficult time, I have had the dis-pleasure of doing this 5 times, Good luck for the future and update soon , John
-
........ We all have our flaws...yes, even I have one or two ::) ::)
Do tell mate...Do telll !!! ;D ;D ;D
Rob
Do you seriously think that I would expose my couple of flaws to you lot of rat-bags, and be forever vulnerable to being reminded and ridiculed by you ;D ;D ;D
Yeah, sure...but not while my bum points South would I ever fall into that trap !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But David...You know it would be a better class of ridicule... ;D ;D ;D ....You do know the Scots are reknown for being really good at ridicule, ;D ;D after all we are masters at being ridiculed >:(
-
Hey it worked for Dave and me so it can't be that hard to do. I am no rocket surgeon and I managed to complete the paperwork myself. Do not know about Dave and from his last post here he wont be ridiculed so we will just have to speculate. ::)
I used a Lawyer (Immigration)...the reason being that one of my weaknessess is that I am just basically a lazy bugger ;D ;D ;D....but he did nothing that I could not have done myself if I was so inclined !!
-
I used a Lawyer (Immigration)...the reason being that one of my weaknessess is that I am just basically a lazy bugger ;D ;D ;D....but he did nothing that I could not have done myself if I was so inclined !!
Ahhhh.. I knew we had something of importance in Common! haha
-
I will see how my heart is when we have to part at the airport. One of the songs that Candy sent me was an old Crosby, Stills and Nash song, 'Just a song before I go'. I'm pretty sure it will be in my head when we part.
How about 'Candy Man' by Roy Orbison
Willy
-
Please consider that her "attitude"...ie vanity and levity may well be her way of showing you she A) Cares about her looks and her image..and B) her insensitivity may well be a peception you have because the language issues dont allow either of you to communicate on a fundamental level yet.
I can only tell you that my Ming could well be guilty of vanity, but now I know her better I understand it is not insidious...she cares very much about her appearance and she tells me that it is primarily for my benefit...she doesnt want to get fat, wrinkly etc because of all the younger women falling at my feet (hahaha). And although Ming is 43, she could pass for 32, and she works hard to keep it that way....kinda flattering and nice for me !!
But on the other hand, if it REALLY bugs you and you cant see the possibiity of a change in her...be careful.......if you cant accept and love her for who she is...it is unlikely that you will be able to change her ways...and neither should you try to !!!!
David E,
I will tell you that your few words were probably as good as anything I have ever read on this forum. Somehow, someway, I was sitting on this doorstep of your words. If I could not see what the woman my wife is, I, in all due probability, would not be waiting for her at the Sea- Tac airport in two days.
I was on- line just after your post. I wanted to savor your good words of wisdom before this post. Your advice is nice, very nice. Actually, great!
John
-
John, I concur with you about Davids' comments. He is a wonderful source of sound wisdom.
-
David E,
I will tell you that your few words were probably as good as anything I have ever read on this forum.
John I wish you hadn't have quoted this paragraph...Now we will never stop him ;D ;D ;D haha only joking mate
Seriously though john, I concur with almost everything thats written about David, He is a close and good friend.,, :)
And David I don't for one minute believe what people say about you (you know the bad things !!) hahaha ;D ;D
-
And David I don't for one minute believe what people say about you (you know the bad things !!) hahaha ;D ;D
Rob......
Here is another of my weaknesses...( ;D ;D ;D)...."I dont give a large rat's a** what anybody thinks of me...as long as they get my name right " !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D
It's all good fun....I wouldn't be dead for quids...(another example of the Aussies' immaculate use of the English grammar, syntax and colloquillism ) ;D ;D
-
Ha ha ha i knew that about you mate...If you remember and old age is NOT creping up on you, you may remember we have chatted about this ;D ;D ;D
and that's the way to be...
Now reve it and that is me!!! :(
-
It is pretty quiet on this site. Seems like a good time to update my experiences in Harbin and show some pictures of the woman I spent my time with.
Things got pretty stressful for me when we got back from Tianjin,as the family went into 'Lets get this wedding organised' mode. It was like being on a train that I could not get off. I eventually did slow things down when they started talking about getting the wedding photos done before I left. They said I would have to pay a deposit for the wedding package deal if we got photos taken before I left. I told the family that I could not get access to my money in China. I also said that I needed to discuss things in private with their Aunt/sister,Candy.
I only had two days left if I was to get photos taken. I was not ready to do the photo trip yet,if at all. I really did not want a full blown wedding package.
Anyways,I got more stressed than I was aware of, and ended up sick in bed the day before I was to fly home. Luckily Candy dosed me up and I was well enough to fly home. I know this does not sound good, but I was glad to be going home. I needed some breathing space to contemplate my future with Candy, and what I wanted, not what the family wanted.
I told Candy today that I will fly back, and we can get married secretly, then invite the family to a restaurant to celebrate. The money we save on the wedding, we can spend on a honeymoon to Thailand. She liked the idea.
Our relationship is still in flux, but I think Candy can finally see the things that I found annoying,and seems a lot softer and steadier. There are a lot of good things about how we relate. I just needed to know that she has a responsible mature side that can be relied upon. This is not an easy path to travel together.
I will leave you guys with my pick of us together. One photo is of her adorable nephews daughter. I told them that
she can come and live with us in Australia. She is so sweet.
Enjoy!
PS,I have resized some photos,but they will not send as the site says they are too large.I have used word document to Copy and paste as a special paste. Can someone help me out here!
-
Any more I dont go through the trouble to resize the photos. I open them in a viewer (like windows live photo viewer) then I use QQ screen capture feature to crop the photo. Save it and upload it. The size is usually small enough to be allowed on this site.
-
Man Peter, looks like you just got out of that (Family) whirlwind just in time! They don't seem to care much when it comes to someone else' Money.. but their own. :D :o
I like your Plan about the secret Wedding, but do take lot's of Photo's to share later with Family while you give them some RED Envelopes ( at the BIG dinner ) to the Family Circle.
-
Good on Ya Peter, you did not let the family railroad you into something you did not want to do, you've taken a step back so you can contemplate your future and that's a good thing.
I totally agree with you about the wedding, just go out like a lot of us others did and get married at the registry office, or what ever they call it, my wife's brother came with us, and then invite everyone to the restaurant and kick up your heals and have a good time. My advice, when you make the booking for the restaurant, make sure it is just you and Candy who organise the format that way the nosey family don't have any say in your big night and therefore no arguing, maybe.
Like you said Peter, you first have to work out if you and Candy are really suited and that is something only you can do. Just one thing came to mind, once a nephew of mine asked me if he should marry the girl he was dating at the time and i put it back on him this way. If you could live with her the rest of your life without sex then go ahead and marry her. They lasted about a week after that and then he let her go.
Peter you have doubt in your mind and that is why you are going the right thing by stepping back, now you can consentrate on just you and Candy, no body else.
Good luck and all the best Peter and Candy
Cheers Leeroy
-
Thanks Clayton for your words. That is a good way to look at a relationship. We seem to be getting on well at the moment. She is much more easy going and we feel closer.Yes, I need to know that I can live with this woman 24/7 without the attraction of sex. I am still having trouble getting these photos into a format that I can send.I have no trouble reducing them to send as an email, but I cannot reduce them enough for this site. I have downloaded photos before on this site, but not this time. I still need help.
-
I had the same trouble Peter, someone put me on to this link,have a go
Cheers Leeroy
-
Clayton, I can't see the link?
-
Sorry Peter I'll try again
Cheers Leeroy
http://www.shrinkpictures.com/resize.php (http://www.shrinkpictures.com/resize.php)
-
Thank God for intelligent sons. He put me onto 'Irfanview' to resize the photos. I had tried everything.
-
Good pictures Peter, WOW, She owns a nice car 8), John
-
John, its the car that may well clinch the deal for me. Kidding. At least she hasn't asked me to buy her an Aston Martin. Anybody got an idea of the cost of this thing? We found it in Tianjin
-
You forgot to mention that she was a Bond girl..........standing next to that Aston Martin........or maybe she is in China Topgear.....
Great photos mate....hope everything comes together for you both....work through your issues and at the very least be honest to her but most importantly to yourself.
It takes time and great character, but believe me and others will have their own opinions the journey is just the begining...life together is the ultimate feeling you could ever have, waking next to the most beautiful girl in the world and she asks if you are hungry and what can she do to make you feel like a king.........
-
BTW, I checked out the price on that Aston Martin. Au$400,000! I think they are hand made, with an alloy sub-frame. I was reading in the China Daily on the flight to Guangzhou that there are becoming more billionaires in China as time goes on. I better go now, Candy just got back from shopping.
-
I read that the the number of USdollar billiionaires in China has increased to 146 last year. So more than 1 in ten of the worlds billionaires are Chinese.
Willy
-
Peter just remember the 24 hour rule.And remember if it isn't dangerous.Or will cause the end of civilization as we know it.It probably isn't worth arguing about.Or getting yourself all twitted up.
-
Maybe I should not be asking this, but I feel the need to, having followed your trip and your posts. You have brought up concerns about Candy's maturity, and how you want to take a step back to look over the situation. I get the feeling you have some doubts about her, and want to make sure you are doing the right thing. But didn't you ask her to marry you? Sorry for asking this, but shouldn't you have gone through this process before proposing a life long commitment? Now, I know I might be coming off as a hypocrite for asking, since my marriage failed miserably. But in my opinion, the time to take a step back would have been before the big question...not after. Candy is now excited about her future, planning a wedding...what if you change your mind at this point? Sorry for the question...maybe I will take flack for this...or maybe I have completely misread your posts.
-
I need update my relationship status. Martin, you may not be psychic, but you are observant.
My relationship with Candy blew up the other day after an online incident. We were talking casually on Monday, when Candy decided to send me a QQ screen shot of herself. I immediately felt a knot in my stomach. I felt that it was another strange thing that she does in terms of her vanity. I asked her why she would send me a photo of herself when I can see her in front of me. She could not answer me and tried to brush the question aside. But I wanted to know why she would want to do this. I know this may not sound like a big deal, but it was another incident in a long line of vanity issues I felt at odds with. I did not want to be involved with a self absorbed woman. About a week ago, she had her eyebrows tattooed. Hell knows why. But It did not bother me. What did happen though, was that I had a friend come to me house when I was talking to Candy. I introduced them, and told them that Candy had her eyebrows tattooed and that her eyes were swollen. Candy was very annoyed with me that I told them. I then told her later that if I had my hair dyed, that it would be obvious to everybody that I had dyed my hair. No big deal.
Anyway, I got angry and told Candy that I had had enough.
I recently asked Candy why, out of all the men she could have chosen, that she chose me. What did she like about me? I always complimented Candy about her appearance, or encourage her if she got English pronunciations correct. In answer to my question, she said that there was no reason why she chose me. There did not have to be a reason! I then told her some of the things that I liked about her, to give her an example of what I meant. I am not insecure, I just wanted some feedback.
So by this point, I spat the dummy and felt like I could not continue a relationship with this woman. She has sent me many QQ messages telling me how hurt she is, and how critical I was of her. This may be the case, but I felt there were too many differences between us. I did not even want to save our relationship at this point. I told her, I would move on if she could not justify her behavior.
So I have moved on, with very little resentment or regret.
I have met a more mature and responsible woman on CLL. I have not wasted any time, and I do not feel like I am being needy. I want a relationship with an intelligent, affectionate and mature woman.
I am very hesitant to say too much, but this woman feels much softer and interested in me. We connect very well on an emotional and spiritual level. I do not want to rush this relationship, but I feel very connected with this woman. I have done a lot of 'speed dating' on CLL to meet this woman.
I have also been introduced to a sister of a Chinese man, who is a friend of my Chinese friends I know here. Chinese people certainly know how to network!
I am out of work at the moment, so I have been very focused on meeting more women.
So, that is what has happened in the space of a few days for me. Bored?, certainly not!
If things go well with this new woman, I will keep you updated. I am feeling quite positive at the moment.
-
Well Peter I'm going to stick my neck out and say i think you have done the right thing, there are plenty of women out there that meet your criteria that you don't have to "make do" with some one who falls short.
I did wounder why you got engaged so soon with Candy,but experience is what makes us wiser in the long run.
Anyway it sounds like your back on track again so better luck this time
Cheers
Leeroy
-
Thanks for your well wishes Clayton. I will find the right woman. I hope it will be third time lucky.
-
Peter, I know loosing any Relationship is NOT easy.. by no means. Reading your Story, I come to think.. I had three on the way to my beautiful LaoPo. I either pulled the plug or vise-versa, but it was done BEFORE it turned sour. Two of them are my Mei-Mei's now and I love/care for them like my own Sister's, but like you.. it could have NEVER turned into a Marriage. So you ( like Leeroy said ), did the right thing. It will hurt for a while of course, much less though.. had it gone on.
PS: Martin has his moments of seeing things, others don't.. thats why we keep him as Admin. around! ;D
-
Thanks Arnold. I appreciate your encouragement and humor! By hook or by crook I will find and marry a good Chinese woman. I think I will personally ask Martin for his advice in the future, before I make any rash decisions.
-
Peter as others have said, you don't need to 'make do' with candy...
::)
Sorry about the loss of the relationship though, but the best of luck with this new lady mate... ;D ;D
-
To bad it did not work out with Candy, but after all it, might be better that this happened as early as it did.
As a man who after four trips to China found my asian queen 10 minutes from my house ! I would suggest you start dating the local woman :) As you state in you post, these people know how to network and take care of each other. I have been included in my girlfriends group, in a way that i doubt would happen the other way around. Good luck with either way you choose.
-
Daghoi, That is a nice piece of advice. To cut a long story short, I have actually decided to stop looking. The woman I was recently talking to finally made me realize that I am not really in a position to support a lady, both financially and possibly emotionally. Most of these woman have sad lives that they want to escape from. Not a good reason to enter a relationship. I do not intend to be a rescuer. This woman actually lost everything in a tragic flood in Jilin in August 2010, and has never recovered. I mean everything. She had a clothing factory, and it was her place of residence as well. But I cannot rescue her from her sad life. And like my sister said, China is a long way to go for a first date!
So I have abandoned my search in China. My search has drained me emotionally and financially.
I spent about $A8,000 in my three trips, so I need to cut my losses and look at what is actually driving me.
I still would love to marry a Chinese woman, but I will look in my own backyard. I actually know a very nice Chinese woman who is a friend of my Chinese friends. She runs a massage business, and I have had a few treatments with her, so we are not strangers. But I am going to let the dust settle before I start again.
I still want to keep in touch with this site, so I will not be a stranger.
Thanks to all the guys on here who have watched my journey and given me advice along the way.
Although I feel disappointment at having not been successful, I will not waste my experience and time with regret.
I wish all you guys success, especially David63, who is probably in China now bringing his wife home now.
-
When I read your post I understand that you have good insight in your situation and made the correct choice. There one thing I'd like to "extract" from you last post. This goes for us all, both the woman leaving their country and ourselves, traveling so for to find someone. It is important that it is travelled to something and not travelled from something. (Hope you get my point, not so easy to express this in english since it is my second language).
It is a good idea to let things grow with your local friend, and let things happen natural.
See you around.
-
It is important that it is travelled to something and not travelled from something. (Hope you get my point, not so easy to express this in english since it is my second language).
I totally understand your meaning and will 2nd your motion. Your English translation is good enough - well said.
-
Very well said Daghoi.