China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: 2hip on December 22, 2011, 03:32:38 pm
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She sent me a Christmas greeting that said "Dear Alex, not even a river or mountains could seperate us".
I know from what little I hav read that the Chinese are more abstract, read...indirect, in their approach. Is this a pretty good sign things are on track? She is on the backside of 40 and I am 60. She has told me she is fine with the age and looks. She is a stunningly beautiful creature. I am a little unnerved by all of this. In fact, I would say it was more akin to being on a beach and a giant wave catches you unawares and is rolling you around in the surf. I think I am love sick right now and I haven't even met this girl...Reminds me of the Aaron Neville song when he says, "why should I fall in love...I'll only take it to extremes". God help me...guys help me...what has she done to me?
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It's very scary. I am near 60 and Fiona is 43. It was scary for me because I know the age difference can be a big deal later on. I was looking for a woman at least 45-50 and was very apprehensive about Fiona. That is until I met her in person. I spent a couple of weeks with her on my first visit and we got married on my second visit. We have discussed at length the differences in our age and she assures me that it makes no difference to her and in fact prefers an older man for several reason. That is a bit reassuring but I will always worry a bit but I need to stop.
I spent an enormous amount of time on chnlove and lovelinks and talked on QQ with many ladies. There were several that I went to China to meet but there was one in Shenyang that I thought was the "one". After I met her in person, it turned out she was not the "one" and I walked away from her.
So don't second guess yourself and her. So go get the facts. If there is any way you can manag it get your butt to China and spend some time with her. The more time with her the better it is to see what sort of person she really is. It's not the end of the world if you find out you are not compatible. But if you are compatible, then hold on you are in for the adventure of a lifetime.
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Alex. Well if your not Alex then who is she writing to!
The age is ok. You've got about ten or 12 year of male activity left in you. The you can always get a bit of help from the little pills.
You say she looks really great. I take it you have seen her in real life either in an natural photo or on webcam?
Before I came here in 2009 I was talking to a very attractive woman and thought that even with photo shopping she would still look good underneath it. But how wrong could I have been. At the appointed time I was waiting in the hotel reception and because of a phone casll I knew she was only a little distance away. Then I saw her walk past the windows heading for the doorway. Suddenly my excitement had turned from heart pounding to 'Where the hell can I hide' but I had planned it all wrong. The sofa was fitted to the wall so no place to hide behind it. Then for a split second I relaxed and thought maybe not her. But this was dispelled when she walked right up to the only foreigner and introduced herself I realised that the photoshopper had used probably all his available skills to achieve what had first been presented.
We did not get further than one week but I stayed and today's happy contented life is a result of that first rejection.
The moral is get over here as fast as you can. Meet the woman - at your age life is too short to spend a long time in thinking about things. The time soons flies. Are you are right together? You will have a good idea of this in a few days. If no chemistry you will know.
Willy
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Yes, gentlemen, I understand the photoshop thing perfectly. I saw a regular shot of her taken by a cheap camera on the beach at dusk. Still a good looking gal. But really the question I asked was never addressed or I did not phrase my question correctly. What I asked is this...with her being a Chinese lady and stating to me, not even mountains or rivers could seperate us" is that a pretty solid hint she is warming up to the situation in her mind about us? That is my question.
I know that she is not going to say, "come here big boy"...but trying to get a handle on how the chinese woman phrases things in their indirect way and how that translates into western signals...help me out here. I am a complete nubie
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It's a Christmas card and the better question to ask yourself is, Does she think this is what a Western person receives on a Special occasion card for romantic words? It's not just trying to read a girl's signal, but also the confusion for both trying to figure out what cultural messages need to be said.
I think it is just her idea of a friendly and slightly romantic Christmas card, but I am only going by one message. You are the one that has been conversing more with her and are privy to more messages. Let me state it this way. If my hand is currently cold and I stick it into hot water, it will feel hot. But if my hand was in fairly warm water, then my sensation of the hot water would only be warmer and not hot. So you have to decipher her temperature from where your conversations have been but also temper any meanings from a special occasion card to a perchance mistaken cultural difference.
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Off Subject but Welcome back Ron and welcome to your wife. I hope all is well for ya'll!
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I hope all is well for ya'll!
Better a hole in the ground than in my head :D
Thanks for the greetings.
Back to the thread and maybe 2hip you should return a Christmas card with a sentiment close to hers to see what her response is. You can always send an ecard that has music and special effects.
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Okay, here is a messed up situation. This lady from Wuhan has a 20 year old daughter. She wants her to come along on the American K-1 visa. I do not have a single problem with this. But there are several time line issues here. We have only known each other for several weeks and she wants to meet in February. I am excited to do it also. She is a very sweet girl and am delighted to meet her. She said she will meet me in Beijing.
Even if I popped off the plane and married her that week. I still don't think we can get the K-1 visa done as quickly as needed. Her daughter will be 21 in September. So that gives us almost no time to process the K-1. It is also is making me feel "under the gun" type of thing. My original plan was to go spend a couple of weeks with her. Go back in 2-3 months later and ask her to marry me and then start the process of K-1. But she now has me chasing my tail looking at residency requirements, attorney visit to determine exactly how long a K-1 should take...and so forth. You get the same message I am guys?
When I started to tell her it isn't as easy as she thinks the mood is a little different. She quotes her friends saying it should only take 6 months and he did it himself. I told her if even one thing goes wrong we can be over the deadline and her daughter is out of luck for quite sometime. Her daughter is in the 3rd year of a design landscape degree. I told Miss Wuhan that with the illegal immigration problem in California most legitimate landscape businesses have been decimated by under the table operators. It would appear that her daughter would have to start out all over again in college. This thing is rapidly spiraling out of control.
Any one know what the current K-1 application process is running in Usa? What are your thoughts about this situation? My goodness she is so nice lady, so sweet, so tender and playful with me. But now it has turned to business and long term costs of the daughter are significant....help????
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K-1 visa is a fiancee visa.It can take as little as 6 months to a couple of years.It all depends on what part of the country you live in.And what visa processing center the application is sent to.If there is missing paperwork or some kind of mistake when you or your lady filled the paperwork out.It can also add time.
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I have made my comments on this in another thread.
You have not met yet. You are possibly heading for a big heartache in this instance so tread carefully. You need to meet first then decide the future. Get of the plane and marry her? The last thing you should ever consider. Just sit back and ask yourself why she is in such a rush to get things done.
Willy
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2hip, my guess is we're not seeing this the same cause I'm seeing a few Red Flags. It sounds (if actuate) like demands are made already? Personally, I don't do demands. yes I know it's poor english but it's spot on. I don't know about you but I would back away some until I see what I'm getting myself into.
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Trust me boys, I have applied the brakes hard. I need to talk with her more before I totally back it off. I don't think I want to put her daughter through university. That is close to a thousand a month for the next 4-5 years. She is almost finished with her university training there. Big lesson learned here.
I am glad I have you guys to talk it through with.
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Glad to hear you have hit the brakes, Tell your lady that you want to get to know her better before you start to think of bringing her and her daughter to your country, See her reaction and then go from there, Like Vince, I am also seeing many red flags, John.
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Once i hit the brakes things have cooled seriously. However she sent me a New Years salutation and asked to work together to be friends first and go from there. She noted that her father never gave her daughter love. It weighted heavily on her heart to think of leaving her in china while she immigrated. I can respect those feelings.
Since then I have been writing to others and seemed to be being drawn to a lady in Beijing. This is nerve wracking. I wish to heavens I could just go live there for a year. But I am pounding the money into the bank as fast as I can these last 5 years before retirement. With the American economy in the pooper it just isn't smart to walk away from my type of work. Anguished!!