China Romance

All About China => Share your love story => Topic started by: Smaug on January 24, 2013, 09:31:03 pm

Title: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on January 24, 2013, 09:31:03 pm
My lady is a very private person, so I will not share any details yet; as she may not approve.

I met her online, through work. We work for the same company, and I was just dealing with her as a normal part of our job. My company just introduced avatars with our emails and instant messaging, and about half the company uploaded pix of themselves.

During the conversation about a job, I told her: "By the way, I like your avatar picture. You have a great smile." She ignored it, so I didn't say anything else personal. Later, I found out she was taken aback, and thought: "Is this guy WORKING or just looking at pictures?" At the end of that text chat, she thanked me for "my laudatory words" and complemented me on my avatar picture too. Said I looked sly but happy.

Over the next few days, we found we liked chatting with each other more and more. Shared personal aspects of our lives. She was surprised to find that I wasn't scared off when she said she was older than me, divorced, and had a 9 year-old boy.  I was married at the time. Technically, I still am, I'm going through the divorce now.

I had been unhappy in my marriage over the past year, since my wife refused to listen to anything I suggested about our new baby. (she's 10 months old now) My wife is a resident doctor, and just kept getting more and more arrogant, always expecting me to clean after her, etc.

So we both did some soul-searching. My lady was sad about possibly breaking the marriage. She felt it was 100% her that did it, rather than just being the last straw. I had to think long and hard about whether to throw away my marriage of 8 years, rather than try to save it and forget I had ever met her. I decided I would rather grab this chance at happiness, rather than stay in the marriage I thought would be decreasing happiness for the rest of my life.

A few times, we tried to stop talking to each other, to give my marriage a fair shot. It failed each time, within two days we were both miserable without a chat or email.

We "met" in August 2012. Decided to commit in September or early October. I arranged to fly to Taiwan on business in late November, and extended the trip by 3 weeks to visit her in China into early December.  I lived with her and her son for that time. She took her vacation for me, we toured her city and had a taste of everyday life there. It was wonderful.

Now, we chat nearly every day, and talk by phone once per week. Tried video chatting a few times, but she has a bad connection so it always gets cut off and is more frustrating than anything. Back to phone cards.

It is hard, being 14 hours apart! She stays up late to chat with me in her evenings. I sacrifice some work time each morning for it. I look for her in her mornings, but she is busier than me so that is mostly frustrating. Now, for example, we'd be chatting, and getting interrupted every 10 minutes for some little thing, as she is a lower manager at our company.

Now, I am in a hard part of divorce proceedings here. Wife is trying to take full custody, our condo, and child support. Asked for more than that. I'm willing to give it to her, as long as the child support is very little and she leaves my money and possessions alone. (after all, she will make twice as much as I do, when she finishes her residency) My wife and I still live together in our condo, I moved to the spare room, and the crib moved in with her in the master bedroom.

She is living her regular life with her son there; working all day, then supervising his homework and piano playing.

We don't know when we will meet again; it depends on how things pan out with the divorce. Once I can get out of here and get things started in an apartment, we can make plans for me to visit her again, hopefully in the spring.

Then, she and her son will come visit me in the summer. I will go again in the fall, she will come again in the winter. By which time, the divorce should be done and we can think about immigration. (by the way, any tips American guys can give me on successfully navigating the immigration process would be much appreciated) Heck, any other advice would be appreciated too.

So maybe this will be a journal thread, of sorts? I hope that with yours and my famliy's moral support, we'll get through this and be as happy as the rest of you seem to be!
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: maxx on January 24, 2013, 11:57:47 pm
# 1When you decide to do the immigration visa.Hire a good immigration attorney.Do not hire a attorney in China.

# 2 24 hour rule live it love it learn it.I cannot stress this enough.

# 3 If it is not the end of humanity as we know it.Or it won't bring about the end of the world.It is probably not worth arguing about

# 4 different country different customs.Never under any circumstances forget that.

# 5 read everything you can about China and it's people.Learn some of the customs and the culture.Learn to speak Chinese.

# 6 learn to be a good listener.Sometimes Chinese does not translate well to English.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 25, 2013, 12:11:49 am
Well I think I should not comment on this other than to say that you expect this women to be treating use as your sole boyfriend WHILST you are still living with your wife and child.

No wonder some parents here do not want their daughters tied up with foreigners.

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Arnold on January 25, 2013, 12:14:06 am
Smaug,

We don't know when we will meet again; it depends on how things pan out with the divorce. Once I can get out of here and get things started in an apartment, we can make plans for me to visit her again, hopefully in the spring.

Then, she and her son will come visit me in the summer. I will go again in the fall, she will come again in the winter. By which time, the divorce should be done and we can think about immigration. (by the way, any tips American guys can give me on successfully navigating the immigration process would be much appreciated) Heck, any other advice would be appreciated too.


This sure sounds like you have your Hands way to full at the moment, to even think about Immigration. Do you really think, for them to visit you will be that easy? I really try hard to put myself in your place at this time and all I see is... why did I even get myself in a Relationship before the Divorce is not even near final?
The other thing you mentioned is getting an Apartment? Do you really think your Lady/Gf wants to leave China with her Son to move into an Apartment (Rental) for security for both of them. I definiately think NOT, and if you think so... you'd better ask yourself this again.

Sorry to put it this way, but I see it as such. I will tip my Hat for you Smaug, if you'll work his out successfully in your favor. Good Luck and please take it only as my Opinion and nothing else, we are here to help and not to banish Newbie's.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: David K on January 25, 2013, 01:31:30 am
This from :
http://laowaiink.blogspot.co.nz/2008/04/chinese-girls-heart-tread-softy.html (http://laowaiink.blogspot.co.nz/2008/04/chinese-girls-heart-tread-softy.html)

You might find it relevant :)

 A Chinese Girl's Heart: Tread Softly
Of course this title is misleading. There are tons of Chinese girls that are as much players as the guys and break hearts without a second thought. However, at least in my experience, most Chinese girls are very affectionate and are eager, sometimes too eager, to give their love to any man that is sweet and kind to them, especially when they are young.

For the majority of Chinese girls, there is no such thing as a casual relationship. A Chinese girl usually interprets any intimate behavior, such as gifts, romantic messages, sex, etc., as indications of long-term relationship potential, and the fact of the matter is that most Chinese girls are looking for a man to take care of them and they are quick to latch on to such possibilities. I don't mean this in a condescending or diminutive way; I'm just stating my observations after years of field research :-). Chinese girls are extremely affectionate and usually very loyal, because their man is providing them with stability and security. In return she gives her affection, her body, and her fidelity. Whether this is "love" is another discussion, but it is this "emotional transaction" that leads to so many broken hearts among Chinese girls.

Everyone has fanciful illusions of fairy tale love stories but of course reality is a harsh teacher. A man can throw out words and money and attention willy-nilly but a girl's affection is her precious possession, and when it is tossed aside after being used up, it can be devastating. Chinese girls are very naive about love and romance, in spite of it being largely absent from Chinese culture. Yet a heart is a heart, and love is an incredible treasure, and when it is placed in the hands of someone who recognizes just how special it is, that heart will sing. But the sad truth is, far too many hearts grow cold and dim as the beautiful dream withers and dies, leaving a life that is biologically satisfied but lacking any real purpose.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on January 26, 2013, 04:43:48 pm
Quote from: Willy The Londoner on January 25, 2013, 12:11:49 am
Well I think I should not comment on this other than to say that you expect this women to be treating use as your sole boyfriend WHILST you are still living with your wife and child.

No wonder some parents here do not want their daughters tied up with foreigners.

That's pretty rude and judgmental, but I will respond anyway, and try not to be so rude an accusatory in doing so. You have done nothing but attack me since I got here Willy, because you disapprove of my situation. I'm sorry you've made up your mind that I'm A Bad Guy. Assuring you that I have the most honorable of intentions toward my Chinese girlfriend would seem to be a waste of time.

1) She agrees that we are mutually exclusive.

2) She knows I'm living with my wife and daughter. We stay in different rooms, and only talk to each other when necessary, for the benefit of our daughter. If I had to move out now, while paying 100% of my daughters daycare, 100% of the family's healthcare, 100% for my lawyer, and 100% for my daughter's (court-mandated) lawyer, it would be my financial ruin. Not only that, but I pay half the bills. I cannot right now add more expenses to this. If that is not enough? If I moved out, I would not get to see my daughter very often. Now, I get to see her every day, and I have her for myself every other day. You didn't think of this, did you? Only judged me for still living with my wife, who would not even by my wife right now if the legal system weren't so slow.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on January 26, 2013, 04:50:46 pm
Quote from: Arnold on January 25, 2013, 12:14:06 am
This sure sounds like you have your Hands way to full at the moment, to even think about Immigration. Do you really think, for them to visit you will be that easy?

They both have visas. She can afford airfare. I will pick her up at the airport, and we will live as a family. When it is my days to have my daughter, I will pick her up from my ex's, bring her home, and she will spend time with her second family.

If I were afraid of complication, I would not be dating a Chinese lady in China. ;)


Quote from: Arnold
I really try hard to put myself in your place at this time and all I see is... why did I even get myself in a Relationship before the Divorce is not even near final?
I don't look at it as a conscious choice. It was love. Remember, I didn't actively search for a Chinese wife, like many seem to have done. We happened upon each other and fell in love. When we first started, we both felt like it was wrong. She didn't want to be a home-wrecker, and I didn't want to end my marriage without giving it a fair shake. But you know, we could not go two days without thinking of and missing the other. I don't expect everyone to understand.


Quote from: Arnold
The other thing you mentioned is getting an Apartment? Do you really think your Lady/Gf wants to leave China with her Son to move into an Apartment (Rental) for security for both of them. I definiately think NOT, and if you think so... you'd better ask yourself this again.
She knows the plan. We talked about it. She agrees. Apartment does not necessarily mean unstable. It means we can move when we want to, without having to try to sell an owned residence.


Quote
Sorry to put it this way, but I see it as such. I will tip my Hat for you Smaug, if you'll work his out successfully in your favor. Good Luck and please take it only as my Opinion and nothing else, we are here to help and not to banish Newbie's.
Thanks, and I may seek your advice in the future. I (started to) read your Love Story thread before posting mine. It is great. I don't know if I'll get through all the pages of it, but maybe I'll start reading from the end>back?
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on January 26, 2013, 05:10:25 pm
Monday Jan. 28th is when our daughter's lawyer makes her recommendation to the judge on what the living/visitation arrangement should be. Hoping it is conducive to my having some money left to actually exist, (move out, pay rent & utilities, etc.) and a reasonable amount of time during which to spend with my daughter.

My lady is also eagerly awaiting the news on her Tuesday morning. When I am moved out and settled in, I will buy a ticket to go visit her and her son again in the spring.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Arnold on January 26, 2013, 05:11:08 pm
Smaug,
first.. let me tell you, if you don't already know? Willy is and always has been straight forward with everybody (known him for years) and if I would see it as an Attack.. he would be warned by us Mod's. Take it only as one Man's opinion (which I'm sure you have), nothing else. You come here for help to further your plans, so you need it from as many prospectives as possible for the best solution to your task at hand.
Glad to see, them visiting you is not a problem for you.. that's great! One less worry, but I still see an up-hill climb for some time for you and you seem to be ready for it. I just worry for you, if your Lady is also?
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 26, 2013, 09:22:28 pm
I am not attacking you personally I am attacking an arrogance that some men have that ends up leaving a trail of broken promises and hearts behind.

You have everything worked out! That is arrogance to think that the way you are thinking will be the way everyone else will follow. The lady the US authorities etc etc.  You think that if you talk long enough then people will take your opinion as theirs.

That is not the way things work.    Ok if things do work out for you then I wish you well. But I live in China and  I hear regularly of Chinese men getting rid of Wife and Child for a difference model.  That is what you are doing as far as I can see, swopping one for another pair.

As others know I am not one to be on here to say what you want to hear I say what I think about relationships, right or wrong. That is always my opinion on the relationship not on the person themselves.

(Even my best friend has received a lashing for his antics with a Chinese woman.)   Does the US issue lifetime visas. I thought they were for specific times and occasions.  Plus you want her to pay for the air fares?  Are you not going to re-emburse her when she arrives?

Plus you are thinking this women loves me so she will put up with me having no spare money, renting a home etc etc.  That is arrogance and if she agrees to all that then I take my hat off to you.  But I have seen the consequences on here and in life too often of the result where the mans financial position has changed and the woman has walked away.   Money is more important to a Chinese woman that love.  Love cannot provide into the old age in China only money can do that.

Finding a Chinese wife and the expenses involved is not the easy thing most think it is.  You will be starting out on some good times but here will be a hell of a lot of tears and anguish along the way.  Men on here have been waiting and still waiting for several years and have spent thousands and thousands of dollars and are still trying to get their ladies, even wife's in to the USA.

The last successful one lived here with his wife for two nearly two years before they both successfully made it to the USA.  Hence why I use the term arrogance.

So what makes you think you will be different? 

But for both your sakes, not just yours then think to the future.  Just consider is what you are contemplating good and fair for both of you?

Willy












Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: JohnB on January 26, 2013, 11:02:02 pm
hey Smaug,
don't take anything here personally. every member has their own story, but our common denominator is 'difficulty'. think of all what is said here as 'practice'. bringing a China woman & child to America is not an easy task. your story is very unique, but everything you do must past the scrutiny of U.S. Immigration.
my own journey was one day shy of 7 months. I had no encumbrances.

the thing is when you decide to go forward with your adventure, make sure all 'you' & 'yours' personal information is current. every article of evidence necessary for her immigration, translated & notarized, will be reviewed & disseminated. one error will cost you dearly...money, time, your sanity. if you satisfy the USCIS (Homeland Security) then the next step is the NVC (National Visa Center). basically, your 'means of support'.

personally, I have no doubts about your sincerity. somehow you found your China love and you realize something wonderful is happening within you.
the members here only wish you success. they do not wish to monkey wrench you. please don't take exception to what is written. think of it as a reality check. the first thing is, is to be honest with yourself. then be honest with your women. you need to formulate your own plan, stick with it, & prepare yourself for long duration without her near. when you are successful, all the difficulties you encounter will make your life proportionally that much better.
I wish you, good luck     
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on January 26, 2013, 11:57:47 pm
Quote from: Willy The Londoner on January 26, 2013, 09:22:28 pm
You have everything worked out! That is arrogance to think that the way you are thinking will be the way everyone else will follow. The lady the US authorities etc etc.  You think that if you talk long enough then people will take your opinion as theirs.
Geez, so now you know what I'm thinking too? I think my lady will follow because she said she will. The US authorities, I'm not so sure, but my current wife (soon to be ex) is Polish, and I brought her here, got her a green card, and then citizenship. So maybe this time will be harder due to my past? But one can hardly say that she used me to get a passport, since we were married for 8 years and had a baby together...


Quote
Does the US issue lifetime visas. I thought they were for specific times and occasions.  Plus you want her to pay for the air fares?  Are you not going to re-emburse her when she arrives?
The US issues tourist visas for one year max. No, I don't want her to pay for the airfare, but my lawyer told me she has to, since my money is technically "family money" until the divorce is final. Also, even before I heard that, she would not hear of it.


Quote
Plus you are thinking this women loves me so she will put up with me having no spare money, renting a home etc etc.
Geez, you guys talk like renting instead of owning makes me trailer trash or something... Millions of normal honest people do it here, and also in China, as far as I can tell.


Quote
That is arrogance and if she agrees to all that then I take my hat off to you.  But I have seen the consequences on here and in life too often of the result where the mans financial position has changed and the woman has walked away.   Money is more important to a Chinese woman that love.
If she would walk away because I don't have a lot of money, then she is not the woman for me, and I wil have no regrets.


Quote
Love cannot provide into the old age in China only money can do that.
In the US too! ;)

So what exactly do you recommend, Willy? If I'm hearing you right, I should tell her to go away until I'm legally divorced, save up a bunch of money, and buy a home. Because all Chinese women want money more than love.

With my woman, that would go over like a turd in a punch bowl. You may think you know them all because you live there and run a match-making service, but I think THAT is arrogance. You don't. You only know a certain sub-set; the type that are looking for a western husband to brighten their prospects.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 27, 2013, 05:38:50 am
 You are due to have enough problems with the US Immigrants. Lets hope that they do not have you marked down as a serial importers of foreign wives!

I have not run the dating service since 2010.  Too many foreign men letting women down.

When you get her into US to live with you, not as a married women, but as a single woman then I will concede that you must have some great influence in high places and I will say that I was wrong. But until then I will say no more on this.

Willy



Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on January 27, 2013, 10:28:48 pm
Quote from: Willy The Londoner on January 27, 2013, 05:38:50 am
You are due to have enough problems with the US Immigrants. Lets hope that they do not have you marked down as a serial importers of foreign wives!
I had never heard that term, (serial importers) but was worried about it. I will surely get an immigration lawyer this time, to help me through that potential pitfall. (didn't have a lawyer last time; it cost a lot of time and money, but was no problem) But as you or someone else suggested, it is a little early for me to be thinking of immigration. It is likely to be more of a 2014 thing.


Quote
I have not run the dating service since 2010.  Too many foreign men letting women down.
Well, different expectations, I guess, right? Maybe I'm a prime example... I will talk to my lady more about her material expectations, to double-check that we're on the same page. She offered to sell one of her two condos in China and give me the money to buy a place here, but I declined politely, saying I am flattered in her trust, but I would rather wait until we're married until we think of that. I also said we should get a pre-nup, so neither of us gets screwed in case things don't go as planned, she said fine.

Quote
When you get her into US to live with you, not as a married women, but as a single woman then I will concede that you must have some great influence in high places and I will say that I was wrong. But until then I will say no more on this.
She will come to the US in the summer as a tourist. Probably renew her visa and visit next time as a tourist too. After that, we will have confirmed we want to be married and continue as planned. From the green card application paperwork last time, I know it would be near impossible to get her and her son permanent resident status without first being married. Even then, I expect some difficulties.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: shaun on January 28, 2013, 04:22:53 am
Smaug,  you've received a lot of good advice here.  Here is one more kink you should consider.  By virtue of the fact that you were not divorced when you went to China and are still married and you are still living in the same house with your current wife your future wife will have a tremendous battle during the interview.  If I were you I'd find another part-time job and move out.  Deliver pizza if you must.  You've already stepped in it as far as the interviewer is concerned.  You need to do something about it.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 28, 2013, 08:40:34 am
Quote from: shaun on January 28, 2013, 04:22:53 am
Smaug,  you've received a lot of good advice here.  Here is one more kink you should consider.  By virtue of the fact that you were not divorced when you went to China and are still married and you are still living in the same house with your current wife your future wife will have a tremendous battle during the interview.  If I were you I'd find another part-time job and move out.  Deliver pizza if you must.  You've already stepped in it as far as the interviewer is concerned.  You need to do something about it.

Not to worry Shaun.

He has decided it is going to be a walk in the park for get her and her son a visa to go and live with him and then return to China and then return to the USA and maybe marry sometime or not in the future.

I think if he had to experience the trials and tribulations of the USA Immigrations  that you have been going through for a couple of years and still undergoing then he may change his mind.

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Pineau on January 28, 2013, 01:37:03 pm
Smaug. Maybe she gets a little special treatment because of her job with a USA company and can get a visitors VISA easily, But tourists and immigrants are a world apart.

No judgments here but just a fact the could cause you trouble later on. It is their job to look into all possibilities of why you are getting married and whether or not it is a sincere and bonafied marriage. They will dig into both of your backgrounds and look under every rock to find any reason to suspect this is a fraudulent marriage.  Someone  could easily label her as a home wrecking " other woman" and you as an adulterer. They could possibly deny her when she applies for immigration.  The process is full of pitfalls and obstacles for the squeaky clean family based i-130. You have already gone too far for the by posting your relationship and marital status here on a public forum.
Get divorced and get out of the house now. If you don't your just helping them build a case for denial.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Martin on January 30, 2013, 10:41:22 pm
Smug...figured I would chime in here. First off, you have been getting a lot of great advice here. Something to consider, is that all the guys replying to you all have personal experiences in this area. Also, many of these guys have seen many others come through this site before you, so our experiences are not just limited to our own stories.

Keep in mind the cultural and language differences. This can not be over stated. And Maxx's 24 hour rule is something you should practice.

I wish you all the best of luck in this adventure of yours.  It sounds like you will have some stressful days ahead of you.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on May 06, 2013, 10:30:48 am
Quote from: Willy The Londoner on January 28, 2013, 08:40:34 am
Not to worry Shaun.

He has decided it is going to be a walk in the park for get her and her son a visa to go and live with him and then return to China and then return to the USA and maybe marry sometime or not in the future.

Why are you still riding me, Willy? Just because I don't agree with you on every little point doesn't mean I'm A Bad Person or that we're doomed to fail. How about showing some support and giving some constructive feedback, like the others are doing, instead of just criticizing everything I've done so far?


Quote
I think if he had to experience the trials and tribulations of the USA Immigrations  that you have been going through for a couple of years and still undergoing then he may change his mind.

Do you remember that my ex wife is Polish?, we went through that immigration process before, and without a lawyer. This time, I will hire a lawyer, to help make it smooth. Will it take years, as you said? Maybe, but I sure hope not. We'll try to make it NOT take years.
Title: Update
Post by: Smaug on May 06, 2013, 11:31:51 am
The divorce was finalized two weeks ago; we settled.

I moved out Saturday. aaaand Sunday. Getting the rest of my stuff out by the 8th. Setting up the apartment now.

I negotiated a decent visitation schedule as part of the settlement: I will have my daughter overnight two nights per week; one week night, and one weekend night. Then, one evening for dinner.

I booked airfare to visit my lady in June; she booked airfare to come with her son to visit me in July. I may visit again in October, if she cannot come permanently this year.

My family is getting a little jealous of my vacation time. My sister and her family in California want me to come out, and my grandfather in Georgia wants to meet his grand granddaughter. I saved a few days for him, since he's 92, he won't be around forever. :(
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on May 06, 2013, 10:21:26 pm
I just tell it how I see it. (But usually not three months after I make a response.)

Maybe I was right maybe I was wrong but only time will tell which one of us was right. 

As Pineau said vacation visa and immigration visa are two different things.

But it also should be pointed out that as a Polish person your former wife had a much easier route into the USA as an immigrant than a Chinese lady will ever encounter.  Married or not.

I wish you well in the coming months.

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on May 24, 2013, 03:28:29 pm
Leaving to China two weeks for today.

Talked to an immigration attorney and scheduled a meeting for a week from today. We'll see what she says.

I think I'll go and do some reading on immigration now to try to figure out the best immigration route. It seems there are three options:

a) fiancé
b) married, stays here while we wait
c) married, but she goes back to China and goes on with her life there while we wait.

What's the easiest route?

The attorney didn't seem to want to say much; maybe she's afraid if she advises me, we will apply ourselves instead of having them do it. She did say that it doesn't matter if I was married before, and to whom, only that I am not married now.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Vince G on May 24, 2013, 05:24:28 pm
I am not sure if your misinformed or not making yourself clear? There are 2 visa's 1) K-1 Fiancé(e) Visa, after applying is a 9 month+ wait to come to the US to marry within 90 days. OR 2) K-3 and V1/V2 U.S. Entry Visa which is used for marrying in China and applied for. Takes +/- a year for approval.

If you marry in China you will need proof that you are not married.

I'm sure there will be others adding onto what to do.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Robertt S on May 24, 2013, 07:47:22 pm
Here is a comparison table of each type visa available for bringing fiancees or spouses to the United States. The K-3 visa is rarely used anymore because the processing times for the IR-1 and CR-1 visa have sped up over the years making the K-3 obsolete. If someone does file the K-3 it is usually converted over to the CR-1/IR-1 visa at the NVC level.

Marriage Based Visa Comparison Table
Visa Type Marital Status Approximate Time to get Visa Requires Adjustment of Status (http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/Adjustment_of_Status)? Requires EAD (http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/Employment_Authorization_Document) to Work (with valid Visa and before AOS approved)? Requires AP (http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/Advance_Parole) to Travel Outside the US (with valid Visa and before AOS approved)? Approximate Total Time to become Legal Permanent Resident (http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/Permanent_Resident) Approximate Total Cost (USCIS Petition, Visa, AOS if required) Extra Notes
K-1 (http://www.visajourney.com/content/compare#k1) Engaged 9 Months (http://www.visajourney.com/content/k1historical) Yes Yes Yes 12.5 Months (http://www.visajourney.com/timeline/aosstats.php) USD $1650 Must be married within 90 days of entry. AOS must be filed in order to gain Legal Permanent Resident status. Failure to file AOS before I-94 expires accrues out-of-status days.
K-3 (http://www.visajourney.com/content/compare#k3) Married 9.5 Months (http://www.visajourney.com/content/k3historical) Yes Yes No 13 Months (http://www.visajourney.com/timeline/aosstats.php) USD $1705 After entering the US, may file for AOS within two years or instead wait for I-130 to be approved and pursue IR-1 / CR-1 Visa.
IR-1 / CR-1 (http://www.visajourney.com/content/compare#ircr1) Married 11 Months (http://www.visajourney.com/content/ir1cr1historical) No No (see note) No (see note) 11 Months USD $903 Visa holder automatically becomes a Legal Permanent Resident after entering the US. Can work and travel freely.
DCF (http://www.visajourney.com/content/compare#dcf)
(IR-1 / CR-1) 		Married 3 Months o No (see note) No (see note) 3 Months USD $945 US consulates typically only do this for US citizens who live overseas. DCF results in a IR-1 / CR-1 Visa.
 

I chose the CR-1 visa path and used the electronic processing at NVC , from filing date to interview date was approximately 6.5 months. I will have to check to see what the current filing times are now though. The main thing is to document everything you and her do together ( with pictures, receipts, boarding passes, family dinners, touring, and just casual around the town stuff like couples normally engage in.) Good Luck, Robert
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Robertt S on May 24, 2013, 10:00:09 pm
Smaug,

   Your third option of marrying here, she returns to China while you two wait for the visa to be approved is not really an option because it is covered by the first option ie;( fiancee visa). The only visa that can be used to obtain that result is the tourist visa. That being said, there is many risks to using the tourist visa for that reason. If she receives a tourist visa to come her and then you two marry, you will now have the pleasure of attempting to convince USCIS that you did not plan this in advance in an attempt to avoid normal processing protocol. If you can not convince them that you did not plan this in advance your wife can be banned from entering the USA for life. I would think real, real hard before attempting this ruse.

Basically, your options are

K-1:  filing the 129F and waiting for approval ( she waits in China)
K-3: obsolete will most likely be converted at NVC to CR-1, marry in China and still requires her to wait in China until the 129F is approved by the consulate
CR-1: file the I-130 after you marry in China and wait. She waits in China
DCF: you have to reside in China 6 months on a residence or employment visa prior to filing the I-130 in China at the consulate and she waits in China, plus you have the added burden to prove US domicile beyond a shadow of doubt.
IR-1: same requirements as the CR-1, except she will receive the 10 year green card when she enters the USA ( assuming you have been married 2 years or longer prior to entry to the USA.)
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on May 24, 2013, 10:22:56 pm
I think that excellent advice from our resident Immigration Guru, Robertt should be well heeded.

Try to circumvent the system and you head for stormy seas.  From what I have heard from the Americans on here it is best not to go it alone but to use a good Immigration lawyer.

The getting married in China and waiting here does have it drawbacks in so much some have had to be here for time spreading beyond a year or so and it is hard for some westerners to handle what could be an interminable sentence.  Teaching is one of the options in this time.

I think you will enjoy your time in China in a couple of weeks time.

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Robertt S on May 25, 2013, 10:10:16 am
Quote from: ChinaBound on May 25, 2013, 08:53:20 am
  I have a question. Doesn't the immigration papers ask when your prior divorce was?
  Now don't get me wrong here as I am not trying to put a damper on things. But in
  this case 2 weeks after the divorce and off to China.

  I would have so much documentation proof because this will be a red flag I think when
  it comes time to approve the visa.

  Her coming here for work really has no bearing on immigration as they are looking for
  sincerity in the relationship. Not if she has been here.

  Sorry just a concern I have for this situation and not trying to be a downer.

Yes, the I-130 specifically asks for prior spouses names and the date the marriages were LEGALLY terminated ( Separated is not considered legally terminated ) on lines 11 & 12 for both the petitioner and beneficiary. Also, if you plan to use a lawyer I would use a few test questions before choosing one. Since China is considered a HIGH FRAUD country I would look for one that has immigration experience for China ( China has many extra steps that most countries do not require). I would seek one who has experience with electronic processing because this process has been around a few years now. I would also think twice about using one that insists using the K-3 process. The reason many lawyers insist using the K-3 process is because of all the extra forms and steps required from start to finish.( Many lawyers charge per form) and the K-3 requires an I-130 and an I-129F to be filed at the onset , Homeland Security does not charge a fee for the I-129F(when filed with the K-3) but most lawyers do charge a fee to complete the form even though they know your case will most likely be converted at the NVC level making the I-129F null and void. I also think that any lawyer that insists using the K-3 is attempting to run up extra charges or does not stay current with immigration processes, so your case might be delayed while your layer comes back up to speed or actually learns the current immigration processes at your expense. If I understand correctly, Smaug also said his previous wife was an immigrant from Poland, that will also add a small amount of extra scrutiny to your application if your previous wife is an immigrant and I would plan for some added hoops to jump through! In my PERSONAL opinion a lawyer can only work with the facts you supply, they can not withhold facts from immigration on your behalf or attend the interview, they transfer the information you supply to forms and then mail the forms to USCIS for you for a fee. Most people can do all this themselves. Basically a lawyer is most useful if your fiancee or wife's visa is denied, and then only if they are APPROVED to practice before the Immigration Board. So if you decide to use a lawyer make certain they have experience with China, they are licensed to practice before the immigration board, and they are current to the latest immigration processing guidelines/requirements.

Regards, Robert

P.S. The I-129F used for the K-1 ( Fiancee visa ) also asks for previous marriages and termination dates on lines 9 & 10. ;) And as an added bonus you are required to comply with this regulation when using the I-129F or fiancee visa to bring your girlfriend here. http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/Laws/Memoranda/Static_Files_Memoranda/Archives%201998-2008/2006/imbra072106.pdf (http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/Laws/Memoranda/Static_Files_Memoranda/Archives%201998-2008/2006/imbra072106.pdf)
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on July 05, 2013, 03:00:29 pm
Quote from: robertt S on May 24, 2013, 10:00:09 pm
Smaug,

   Your third option of marrying here, she returns to China while you two wait for the visa to be approved is not really an option because it is covered by the first option ie;( fiancee visa). The only visa that can be used to obtain that result is the tourist visa. That being said, there is many risks to using the tourist visa for that reason. If she receives a tourist visa to come her and then you two marry, you will now have the pleasure of attempting to convince USCIS that you did not plan this in advance in an attempt to avoid normal processing protocol. If you can not convince them that you did not plan this in advance your wife can be banned from entering the USA for life. I would think real, real hard before attempting this ruse.

Thanks Robertt for your advice. I went and talked to a lawyer, and we are going to use the Fiancé visa path, K-1. She said the same thing you did, regarding marrying her, then naturalizing her as my wife. She said it would probably be fine, but that they might thing we got married JUST to get her here. She advised waiting any additional time and using the K-1 path. She works for a law firm that specializes in this. (I'm lucky to live near Chicago, which has a big Chinese population and its own Chinatown) We'll end up paying a big chunk of money in fees to file the forms, and wait 13 months (that will be hard!) but it seems to be the safest path.

One thing she said was that USCIS keeps charging more and more, saying it is to speed up the system. But then it never speeds up. More gvt corruption, great. This is why we have immigration problems here. Our government has tried to make immigration into a profit center, and it literally costs thousands of dollars to immigrate here. These poor Mexicans can't afford it, so they sneak over, and it gets even harder and slower for the rest of us.

I asked her about my previous marriage, and she said it wouldn't be a problem. As long as we are legally divorced, that's all that matters.

***

'had a great time in China, saw some Dragon boat races. Cemented our relationship more.

She's coming here two weeks from tomorrow for two weeks. I'm sure that'll be nice too.

**

One quick question for the forum: I see that I'm supposed to document things we've done together. Dinners, local events, etc. How do I do this? For example, I have tickets for us to go to a car race and a classical music concert. But it is just two tickets with my name on it.

If I take a picture of us eating dinner together in my kitchen, how does that prove it was actually in the US? For that matter, how do they know that all of the pictures I provided were not staged within a period of a one day visit?

If I provide letters between us, how do they know we didn't just fabricate them just for the interview?
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Robertt S on July 05, 2013, 03:57:49 pm
" If I provide letters between us, how do they know we didn't just fabricate them just for the interview?"

Save the postmarked envelopes showing the letters transit through the postal system. I recommend using e-mails because they are time stamped and dated and are easy to save and print. You can use phone records also such as your telephone bill with charges to her number.
   Good Luck and Best Wishes, Robertt


P.S. I noticed you said she will be arriving in 2 weeks for a 2 week visit. If you really wanted to put the icing on your cake I recommend having some nice pictures made while she is here and place a formal Engagement/Wedding Announcement in the legal organ ( newspaper ) for your hometown. You can then add the engagement announcement page in with your evidence when you submit the I-129F for the K-1. Just be sure to enclose the whole newspaper page with the newspaper name and date so they will know it is a real paper That would help your case by showing this was a well thought out process and not just some spur of the moment decision.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Robertt S on July 05, 2013, 04:34:18 pm
Here is a list of items that can be used for evidence of a bonafide relationship. Nobody will have all this stuff so just use what you have. This gives you an idea as to what to save for the future process though. Your photos can be stamped and you also need to make sure you submit pictures that were taken over the entire time period she was here. The US does not stamp your passport but China does so you can send copies of your passport with entry and exit stamps also.

1. Evidence of Communication Before and After Marriage 2. Evidence of Visits / Vacations / Meeting in Person 3. Evidence of Co-habitation During Marriage 4. Evidence of Joint Ownership of Assets and Shared Financial Responsibility 5. Photographic Evidence 6. Evidence from Others in Support of Bona Fide Marriage
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 05, 2013, 10:48:20 pm
I know one couple who were asked where each and every photograph was taken and the occasion it was taken for, whether a special occasion, a birthday party etc etc.  They both gave interviews separate  and luckily both gave the same answers.

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Neil on July 06, 2013, 07:57:08 am
I wasn't asked about a single picture (and I included lots).  In fact, through our entire interview, we never referenced my submitted evidence once.  From the questions they asked, it was obvious that they had read through the evidence though. 
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Robertt S on July 06, 2013, 12:48:44 pm
This is copied straight from the Field Adjudicators Manual ( Visa Interview Officer )


The Burden of Proof .  
   
 The burden of proof in establishing eligibility for an immigration benefit always falls solely on the petitioner or applicant.  USCIS need not prove ineligibility.  
   
 Each application and petition form includes specific evidence requirements necessary for approval.  When an applicant or petitioner can establish that certain primary evidence is unavailable, secondary evidence, also in specific forms, may be provided.   
 Experienced officers become familiar with a wide range of documents submitted as evidence.  Sound judgment is required to determine which forms of primary and secondary evidence should be accepted in individual cases.  In addition to reliance on past experience, there are sources of information for verifying information discussed in  Chapter 14  (http://www.uscis.gov/ilink/docView/AFM/HTML/AFM/0-0-0-1/0-0-0-2281.html#0-0-0-324) of this field manual. See Matter of Brantigan, 11 I&N Dec.  453 (BIA 1966).   
   
 Strict rules of evidence used in criminal proceedings do not apply in administrative proceedings.  Usually, any oral or documentary evidence may be used in visa petition proceedings.  Copies of public documents, certified by the person having custody of the originals, are generally admissible.  See also  Chapter 11  (http://www.uscis.gov/ilink/docView/AFM/HTML/AFM/0-0-0-1/0-0-0-2061.html#0-0-0-310) of this manual for a discussion of evidence.   
Title: More good stuff; thanks!
Post by: Smaug on September 19, 2013, 09:32:53 pm
Now, my QunFang has been back in Guangzhou for a month or so. We miss each other greatly, and I'm sure many of you are familiar with that feeling.

I cannot afford to fly there again so soon, even though I have vacation left. So we will wait until Chinese New Year, then I will fly to see her again.

We finally got enough evidence together to submit to USCIS, and the fiance visa paperwork is filed now. (as of a couple weeks ago) We're told that they have been taking 8 months to approve these, so it is now time to hurry up and wait. So maybe around May, her visa will be approved, then, they will file for her son's, etc.

Maybe we can spend next Mid-Autumn Festival together...
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 20, 2013, 06:04:20 am
I would wait until after Chinese New Year to travel here. With 3-400 hundred millions of Chinese traveling around for the New year air line fares into China are at their highest.

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Neil on September 20, 2013, 07:55:01 am
Hmm, I was thinking about going back for Spring Festival.  No matter how many people there are, it seems there's always room for one more. 
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 20, 2013, 08:04:52 am
Quote from: Neil on September 20, 2013, 07:55:01 am
Hmm, I was thinking about going back for Spring Festival.  No matter how many people there are, it seems there's always room for one more.

Your right there Neil. But it was the cost thing I was referring to. Smaug was saying he could not afford to come here until it was the most expensive time to travel.  So I suggested after when it was cheaper.

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Neil on September 20, 2013, 05:39:59 pm
Ah, right you are Willy.  It is indeed the most expensive time to travel.  Then there's the red envelopes. 
Title: Update
Post by: Smaug on October 13, 2013, 01:41:09 pm
I checked on the airfare during Chinese New Year, and it was indeed really high if one intends to fly there just before, and leave just after. Coming well before and well after is one option, but even that is not very reasonable. The reason I want to go during Chinese New Year is so my lady doesn't have to burn as many vacation days. I have more than she does, and she needs to burn so many just running around getting things translated and notarized, you know?

So I kept looking and found a fair to get there in about the middle of their holiday, and leave well after the end of it. That was reasonable, since I bought the tickets months and months in advance.

Now, a month after I bought the ticket, the fiancee visa has been approved, and we're waiting for the case to be transferred to the National Visa Center. (NVC) My lady now has to gather a bunch more documents together, get a physical exam, get a letter that says she has no criminal record, and a bunch of other things. Some of the things, we had just submitted for the visa petition. Now they are asking for the same things again. (for example, proof of our previous divorces) How annoying.

We're told it will probably take 6-8 weeks for the government to transfer the case to the NVC. That will give us time to get documents in order, but maybe she will be able to come here BEFORE Chinese New Year? In which case I'll either lose the $1300 for the ticket, or pay a handsome cancellation/reschedule fee. Oh well, that's actually a GOOD reason to lose money, right?

So, if all goes well, they'll transfer it to NVC by early December, then she'll apply for the visas and have the interview at the consulate and come here by early 2014.
Title: Update
Post by: Smaug on December 14, 2013, 01:34:21 am
QunFang and LiFu had their medical exam today. They told her that the results would take a week, and they will be in a sealed envelope, which she will not see. Strange to go to the consulate for the interview without knowing whether one "passed" or not...

The fiance visa interview is Dec. 26th.

She has put her 2nd condo up for sale.

If the visas are granted (K-1 for her, K-2 for her son) then she will "apply to resign" at work, which requires a month's notice.

The ticket I booked before was through All Nippon Airlines, via Tokyo. They canceled the flight, but didn't notify me, and didn't refund the charges. So I disputed those with my credit card company.

I found a nice cheap round trip flight getting to Guangzhou a few days before Chinese New Year and leaving 4 days afterwards. $930 or something. I need to apply for another visa now.

She will try to get us tickets to Hubei to visit her family; I will meet them for the first time. It is a strange (to me) family dynamic she has. Her dad died 3 years ago, and it is a special custom for people of her hometown to visit after 3 years of the death. She has no love for her mom, nor vice versa, only a family bond. She has a good relationship with her sister, but not her brother. None of them speak English. She tells me that from Guangzhou to her hometown in Hubei is an 18 hour train ride, possibly standing the whole way. Wow, it's hard for me to imagine that. I asked her to get plane tickets, and I will split them with her.

So, the next steps for us are: a) visa interview for her, and b) apply for visa for me.

If all goes VERY well, she will sell her condo, resign, and come here instead of my going there again, and I will forfeit the ticket and visa. We'll save the vacation time for a trip or two around the US to visit family later in 2014.

Wish us luck on Dec. 26th, and for someone to buy her condo quickly. It has now been 16 months since we met.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 14, 2013, 04:36:13 am
You are a braver man than I if you are considering traveling by public transport during Chinese New Year.

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Pineau on December 14, 2013, 11:33:46 am
Right on  Willy,

You have to experience the Guangzhou train station the week before New Years to understand what we are talking about. It is difficult for anyone else to understand just what we mean by mass migration on public transportation.  And it is erie.....feeling right before and after the New  year. The streets are deserted and the train station is quiet. You can skate down the same sidewalk that the day before you could not navigate with a baseball bat. 

There is a documentary film on this called  Last Train Home. It is available on Netflix. It is not entertainment but is the story of a family that is bound to get home and the hardships endured getting there.

This is at the Guangzhou station.  http://youtu.be/0N6vDotVNDo
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Irishman on December 14, 2013, 01:37:33 pm
We did the trek last new year time from Guangzhou to Gong'an by train and bus. It was an experience I'll never forget , and never want to do again. Smaug I wish you the very best of luck. I'd advise you not to eat too much the day before going - you dont want to have to use the train toilets on the normal trains very often, take it from me, even getting to one of them on the train will be an ordeal. I had travellers tummy which didnt help, a real experience  overall haha!!
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 14, 2013, 09:52:28 pm
Yes. You have to be here to believe it. The main stations are already gearing up for the Chinese New Year. They are erecting the temporary shelters that offer some protection to the queues outside and people may be outside the station for hours and hours before they even get inside the building. There are no concessions for the aged or infirmed.

Eventually people for a specific train are herded together in a huge waiting room, which at first seem quite comfortable but after an hour or two of standing and waiting you realise just how full that huge room has become.  Then suddenly the end doors are open as the train arrives at the station, the crowds surge forward, and you just do not believe what luggage some people are carrying.  If you wanted to hold back you could not as you will be swept forward bouncing along like a cigarette packet tossed into a river.  People are falling over one another and you do not want to fall. No one will help you up. Still in the mass you reach the flight of steps going down to the platform. Do not worry about finding the steps as you will be carried down almost floating. But then you reach the platform and hundreds of people are running for their carriage number. You have to be quick the attendant for each carriage is telling people to hurry and at the same time checking that everyone has a valid ticket.  You reach your carried and hope that you have been given a ticket for a soft seat. a soft seat is one of six bunks in one inner compartment.  Get a hard ticket seat and I guarantee that you will be too late and will have to stand the whole way.  At least with a soft seat you know which your inner compartment number is but I guarantee that there will be five people in there before you and the only place available will on about 8 foot height at the top. And it is there that the smoke from the cigarette flows freely too.

For the journey of 6 or 10 or 18 hours you are continually waken by people trying to sell you everything imaginable and also things that make you think wtf is that.  The carriage conductor makes regular patrols through the huge carriages to ensure no one has got into the soft seat  with a hard seat ticket.  The soft seat beds are definately not the place to sleep.

Of course the situation on the high speed trains are a little different and more comfortable but now 7 or more weeks before the New Year every high speed train ticket has been snapped up. 

As Irishman said do not even consider using the toilets, after a few hours the attendants give up trying to keep them operational and using one in itself is another missable experience. 

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on December 18, 2013, 11:31:46 pm
Well Fellas, I've not been on a train in China during Chinese New Year.

I've been on the metro in Guangzhou during rush hour, and that was pretty crowded and unpleasant for this westerner.

But please, think back to when you were courting your lady. What if it was your only chance to meet her family, before she came back to your country with you? Wouldn't you do it, even if it was unpleasant, to show your love for her and to meet your family? This is her traditional time to go visit them. I suggested to go some other time. But she said no, then she would have to use more vacation, and her family would not have time for us, because they'd be working.

My Ivy likes to talk to her sister once a month or so on the phone. Visit once a year or so. She's not close to her brother. She never felt love from her parents or brother, and her dad died two years ago.

They are not educated, don't speak English, and don't seem to want to leave China. If I don't go and meet them now, I may never know her family.  So, even if it is a terrible travel experience, I will do it to meet her family.

Anyway, in one week, she will have her visa interview.

I'm reading the tips from our lawyer, and also Robert's past posts on the matter. (thanks)

Ivy has her condo up for sale, and one guy wants to buy it. Visa interview is coming soon. Then, she will sell her piano, "apply" to resign from her job, (I don't understand that...) and generally wrap things up in China. There is a small chance that she will be able to move here sooner than early March, but I will leave those arrangements up to her.

Her dad died 3 years ago, so this trip to her hometown in Hubei is also partly for that. It is a hometown tradition to visit the grave after 3 years.

Thanks for your support, and even your constructive skepticism.

By the way Robert: Cindy emailed me and asked for a character reference for you. I told her you're only slightly shady. (kidding!) She seems like a great woman to me. I hope you have an equally great man for her.
Title: All Systems Go!
Post by: Smaug on December 25, 2013, 11:50:15 pm
Ivy just sent me an email. She finished her interview with the consulate in Guangzhou. Successfully. :D

So you all know how the interview went, I will just share her email to me here:

Quote from: Ivy
My dear,

I'm now on the metro, way to home from the US consulate office.

The whole interview lasted less than ten minutes, the official asked me how we met, if I know your divorce reason, if I joined Community Party etc. I prepared lots of stuff to prove our relationship, like our letters, photos, phone call list, chat list, email list.....but, nobody asked me to show them!

When she knows we communicate in English, she began to speak English! But, because the voice was not quite good from the other side of the window glass, sometimes I couldn't understand! That's bad.

Can you guess the result?

....

...

...


Be approved of course! :)

New life is waiting for us ahead.

Love,
QF

XXXOOO


PS: I asked about the visa valid time, she said June next year. That's good.

PPS:I'm wondering if you go to bed already or still up? Hope it is not difficult for you to fall asleep with the news.


Apparently there is a lot of variance in how these are processed, from some of the nightmare stories I've read here.  I wonder why it went so easily? Was the officer at ease that Ivy speaks good English? Or she saw the huge stack of documents and knew? Or she reviewed all the (lots of ) document that we prepared to apply the first time?

Ivy was anxious that they might not give her too much time to move here; she knew one person who allegedly was only given 1 month to move to the USA. Since she's in the process of selling her condo, she was worried she might not have enough time if they rushed her that much. So now, she feels comfortable. (someone has already offered to pay her asking price for her condo, she just has to get all the paperwork in order, maybe after Lunar New Year.)

Tomorrow, I will go downtown Chicago to apply to renew my Chinese visa. I hope it goes as smoothly for me as it went for her!

I'm having a celebratory glass of wine, and hoping that we've just spent our last holiday apart.

-Jeremy

Tomorrow, I took the morning off of work to
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Pineau on December 26, 2013, 02:27:20 am
Awesome,
congratulations starting to get exciting.

Double check the expiration date on her VISA when you get it.  With a variance of 1 to 6 months you may want  take a look and be at ease.

I am jealous. Seems that everything is going well for your process, For us it was a two your up hill battle the whole time.  I hope you luck holds.

Merry Christmas dude !
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: maxx on December 26, 2013, 02:43:39 am
Congratulations Jeremy and Ivy. That is nice to hear.

To answer  your question. It is usually comes down to.Did you hire a good immagration attorney ? Or did you use Robert S Services? Are you a Vet ? Are you a government employee ? If you can answer yes to any of my questions. It usually go's pretty smoothly. If there wasn't any missing paperwork. Or you didn't bring undo attention to yourself or your lady. By calling the consulate every other day.Asking about your lady's visa application. Then it should be ok. Your lady being able to speak English helped allot. Her going to the interview. With her head up. And her hands full of paperwork also helped.

Most of the time if you have the things I posted. The interview is just a formality. To make sure they didn't miss anything. And to show you your tax dollars at work

Some of the things that can put the visa application on hold.Or a complete denial. Is bothering the Consulate. Calling your congressmen. Missing paperwork, Somebody doing the application without the help of a immigration attourney. Or using Robert S services .The woman going to the interview empty handed. Or dressed trashy. The man making only one trip to China. Without supporting paperwork. That says that they had other trips together. The lady not having her mans passport. Or copies of the visa pages. And a copy of the personal information page. Can put a hold on the visa.Not having her medical check done. Or missing fees. Can also hold the visa up.

Good luck and best wishes

Maxx
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on December 27, 2013, 12:04:15 am
Thanks for the nice wishes, Pineau and Maxx. We're both very happy now, and these last few months of waiting will be TOUGH, but we count our blessings here.

Thanks for all the good advice here, everyone. Her interview went so smoothly and easily, it made me feel like I worried too much. But I see how some cases don't go well.

I think the part about the immigration attorney was key. I probably would have married her to make the immigration go easier, which my attorney said can be a mistake, since then we have to prove that we didn't marry just for immigration purposes.

I married my ex, then immigrated her in. We were interviewed at least twice, together, and she was fingerprinted about a dozen times. It makes me wonder if that was harder than it needed to be because of that choice...
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 27, 2013, 08:23:45 am
Well I must add my congratulations. From this case it seems that it may be better in the USA authorities eyes to not marry before you apply!!! Can that be right?

And Maxx I thing that you meant this and not as it came out with the wrongly placed full stop.

'Some of the things that can put the visa application on hold.Or a complete denial. Is bothering the Consulate. Calling your congressmen. Missing paperwork, Somebody doing the application without the help of a immigration attorney, or using Robert S services '

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: maxx on December 27, 2013, 10:15:42 am
Willy yes I did come to a full stop.The way you wrote it is what I ment.I went to grammer school in London. Sometimes Limey English doesn't translate well ;D.Just messing with you Willy.I did not go to grammer school in London.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: David E on December 27, 2013, 03:10:20 pm
Quote from: Willy The Londoner on December 27, 2013, 08:23:45 am
And Maxx I thing that you meant this and not as it came out with the wrongly placed full stop.

'Some of the things that can put the visa application on hold.Or a complete denial. Is bothering the Consulate. Calling your congressmen. Missing paperwork, Somebody doing the application without the help of a immigration attorney, or using Robert S services '

Willy

I dont want to get all pedantic over English Grammar and punctuation.............but lets get a bit pedantic here.... ;D ;D ;D

I believe this is the correct version of Maxx's statement

'Some of the things that can put the visa application on hold, or a complete denial are: bothering the Consulate, calling your Congressmen, missing paperwork, doing the application without the help of an Immigration Attorney, or without using Robert S' services. '

JUst my 2 centrs worth  ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Arnold on December 27, 2013, 04:04:42 pm
.... thanks David for the English translation of Maxx' post. I had no glue what he said?

My Congrat's to you Smaug&Ivy, best wishes for a new Year/Life together!
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 27, 2013, 08:34:50 pm
Quote from: Arnold on December 27, 2013, 04:04:42 pm
.... thanks David for the English translation of Maxx' post. I had no glue what he said?

I am with you Arnold but Maxx's words STUCK in my mind!!!!! Ha ha   

Willy

PS is an Australian two cents worth more than a US two cents.  I know that a new GB penny is in theory worth more than an old penny when in fact you could buy much more with the old penny!
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on January 13, 2014, 11:34:16 pm
Quote from: Willy The Londoner on December 27, 2013, 08:23:45 am
Well I must add my congratulations.
Thanks.  :)


Quote
From this case it seems that it may be better in the USA authorities eyes to not marry before you apply!!! Can that be right?
I'm about 90% certain of that.

One thing I didn't mention, I'm almost afraid to mention... But I didn't meet her on a dating website or a Chinese dating website. I think that probably raises the eyebrows of the consulate people.

***

For now, immigration is still a long way off, as she hasn't sold her condo yet.

In two weeks, I will be on a plane to China. She got us sleeper seats on a train to her hometown. She recruited the help of four other people to do so. Apparently, it can be a really dicey business to get train tickets. Air tickets are very expensive, so she didn't even consider that. Her son will go there next week, with her cousin, ahead of us.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 14, 2014, 03:17:44 am
Quote from: Smaug on January 13, 2014, 11:34:16 pm


In two weeks, I will be on a plane to China. She got us sleeper seats on a train to her hometown. She recruited the help of four other people to do so. Apparently, it can be a really dicey business to get train tickets. Air tickets are very expensive, so she didn't even consider that. Her son will go there next week, with her cousin, ahead of us.
  A sleeper train!  You are in for a very different journey.   More commonly called a soft seat here as there is very little chance of sleeping!

  If you have never traveled that way before then it is a slow train.  Each carriage in the sleeper section has a dozen or more compartments open at one end so people can walk through. Each 'compartment' has  three beds above one another on each side. The bottom ones usually fills up with all sorts of people  sitting down playing cards, eating talking (loudly of course).  The middle one is better but when people stand in the centre section they are looking straight at the middle bunks . Of course all the smoke from dozens of smokers go up to the top bunks together with the smell from dozens of pot noodles that can be bought on board plus it can be quite a climb to get up to the top bunk.

There is a continual throng of people walking through the train trying to sell everything you could imagine anyone may need or not need on a journey.  The carriage conductor is continually coming through the carriage to check on tickets and removing anyone that does not have a ticket for that carriage. This often results in a noisy confrontation.

The on board toilets will be in an unusealable state in less than 30 minutes after departure so before you board try to eat and drink as little as possible. This is because many will have been queuing for several  hours just to get into the railway stations then waiting hours more once inside.

Of course on the approach to Chinese New Year then every carriage will be packed not only with people but with just about anything that will fit through the train entry door. This is the time when they take home all manner of presents to the family.  So getting down to the train will be a scramble in the first place.

When you finish the journey it will be interesting to hear your story.

Having made that journey I can certainly see why the high speed trains are a much better proposition.

Willy
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: maxx on January 14, 2014, 10:36:25 am
I kind of like the sleeper trains. I get to do my favorite thing people watch. I have never had a trouble sleeping. Or anybody bothering me. It doe's get a little tough to do it with kids. But otherwise it has always been ok.The kids want to run up and down the carriage isles. Or go exploreing.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Pineau on January 14, 2014, 11:19:02 am
I have done the sleeper car about three different times. A couple of  times I booked the entire compartment so I would not have to deal with a bunch of strangers.  Then offer one of the bunks to some husky looking old woman standing in the isle (make sure she is alone) . She will protect your stuff when you must go to the rest room. Another advantage is that you have room for your stuff. If you are sharing the compartment with others then all the storage space will be taken by the time you get there. I remember the one time I booked just a single bunk on a train to Dalian. I slept with my 5 pieces of luggage in the bunk with me and never went to the toilets for fear that my stuff would be gone when I got back. 

There is no chance of booking an entire compartment at new years now. You need to book it well in advance. But still try. If you cant get the entire compartment then try for all the bunks on one side.  I booked a trip at that time from Beijing to Shenyang and ended up standing with my baggage for 5 hours. I have had a lot of miserable trips in China but now they are just funny memories.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: fivetrout on January 14, 2014, 02:51:36 pm
I got the dinning car on one train because there were no seats available. The dining car had no seats either, just a few tables. You can sit on your luggage but make sure you won't break anything inside.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on January 14, 2014, 11:43:25 pm
We just had a nice little fight.

I'll stick my neck out here, and risk Willy's wrath. ;)

I'm a very open person. Some would say "too open." I share my days with Ivy, down to the detail. She likes it. Yet, I always have to pry the same information out of her. We both like it, because it makes us feel close, despite the distance.

Once or twice, I asked her about it.

"You like it when I share my life with you, right?" > "Right."

"So why don't you share yours with me, unless I ask?" > "I don't know. It seems nothing interesting happened."

Then I told her about The Golden Rule. She agreed.

Fast forward several months. No change. I decided I would not just tell her about my day any more, unless she asked. Saturday, I asked her about her day, as usual. She told me. Then silence. She felt uncomfortable, but didn't tell me so, and didn't know why.

Then, yesterday, she realized why, and asked me about my weekend. I was happy for that, as it showed she cares. I told her I didn't tell her originally, because she didn't ask, and I was waiting for her reaction.

Wooo, she hit the roof. Said I don't trust her and I'm doing tricky things. Now, she won't know if something is really wrong, or if I'm just being tricky. She asked why I didn't just tell her. I reminded her that we did talk about it, at least twice before, with no change.

She said I should love her without trying to change her, and that if I don't like something, I should just tell her, rather than do tricky things. She asked whether I want to have a soul mate that I don't trust. Wow.

I told her I was not trying to trick her, just learn about her in a different way.

Finally two days later, we made up. (just minutes ago)

I asked her please don't blow up little silly things into huge issues. We have to let go of those little things if we're to succeed, long-term. She said she didn't consider it little, but OK, she will try.

I agreed to try not to experiment on her.

Then, her boss swooped by and picked her up for lunch. Apparently, she cannot say no. I  can't understand that.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 16, 2014, 12:44:40 am
Not for me to comment on this.

I have never been one to open up and tell anyone everything. Seen too many relationships go down the pan in my long life as couples end up not having anything to say to each other having said it all often the same things many times!!!!

The other thing to remember here is that good jobs are hard to find and even harder to keep. There are no such things as employments laws and bosses have the power to sack anyone at their whim.  If the boss asks her to have lunch then do not read into it anything else - taking someone for a meal is a normal way of saying 'thank you' or 'well done' here or simply to get to know, in a business sense, more about an employee.  Refusal can be taken as a slight against him/her.

Just remember although your lady can speak English well, then even the most accomplished with the English language can struggle at times to put the same meaning on something that you or she may say.

Having progressed quite well with my Chinese language lessons now I can understand just how difficult definitive translating of words can be between Chinese and English and Visa versa.

Willy

 

Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: maxx on January 16, 2014, 12:40:20 pm
Willy is right on with this. Your lady refuses the lunch thing. It is like her slapping her boss in the face.She can and probbably would be unemployed in about a week. There is no workers rights in China, No unenployment. Also Sometimes Chinese doe's not translate well into English. My wife still sometimes struggles with it 8 years later.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on March 21, 2014, 01:16:00 am
Thanks guys for the tips. I'll try to take them to heart, and not open up so much. I can tell that sometimes, she thinks it's excessive.

As for the lunch thing, this was her boss just picking her up on the way to the cafeteria, not "going out to lunch." Same thing?

***

An update: It is proving quite difficult for her to sell her old condo. The government is somehow involved. Her first buyer backed out and lost his deposit. Now her agent is looking for another buyer. Hopefully, it can still be all completed before her fiance visa expires in June. We're still hoping for early May.

Once she has word that the old condo is sold, she will ask the real estate agent to make arrangements to rent out her current condo, resign from her job, (needs a month's advanced notice) and buy tickets to come here.

In the end, it ends up that we're waiting to sell the condo, rather than on either of our governments for visa approval.  :-\

Two more months to wait. Maybe 3 if we're unlucky. Or maybe we'll have to file to extend the visa, if we're VERY unlucky.

As for the lack of unemployment and such... They may not have as much (or any) unemployment support from the government, like we do here, but they have much better labor laws. Ivy tells me that lots of companies, especially factories, ignore those laws though. For example, to fire someone means the company has to pay that person one month's salary for every year they've been there. If they work overtime, they get double pay. If they work on a holiday, they get triple pay. Wow! She told me that most workers in our company there are on a 3 year contract, which they either choose to renew continually or not.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: IrishGuy65 on March 21, 2014, 07:54:09 am
Smaug, I can tell you that my girl Lisa uses the cafeteria at her job all the time.  Still don't understand why he has to pick her up, though.  If they need to discuss business, they can still do it at the cafeteria getting there separately.   Overall, I would say trust her judgement on this.  Sometimes, from my understanding, there can be face issues or pressures and expectations within the job that we Westerners can never fully understand.  So, my advice.... trust her judgement.

As for selling the condo.  Lisa has just sold hers (took her almost 9 months and she had to accept a lot less than she expected).  She went through the same thing... with buyers coming and going, all the while the realtor gets the lost deposit.  I wonder if they find people they know can't afford it, so they will fail and get the deposit money.

Is it financially necessary for her to sell the condo before moving?  If not, why not let the realtor sell the place and get the move, and wedding, done?  Lisa told me she could have her friend take care of the closing and all the details if she was not there.  She had already made arrangements. Unnecessary now, though.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on March 21, 2014, 09:14:52 pm
There are several reasons that sales are not completed on properties.
Most conditions are there to prevent a person from overstretching their means and defaulting on a payment.  The deposit is usually around 20,000 rmb.  For first time buyers the next deposit is 30%. If you already have a home then the deposit will 60% or 70% depending on which province.

If as in our case we already had a property then we had to follow this up, ten days later with 60% of the sales price.   If someone is in need of a bank loan, then the application starts from the point when the 20,000rmb is paid. One cannot apply for a bank loan until they have the payment receipt for this initial deposit.

 If a loan is refused then the 20,000 is forfeited. If granted then the larger deposit is required within the ten days mark with the remaining 40% being paid 30 days later either from the bank or in our case direct from our account.

These measures are that banks have to be really strict before agreeing to lend any money that may be needed.  Even though we did not need to borrow money on the new home we just bought there was a lot of official documentation to show they neither of us was in debt and that my wifes income tax was paid up to date which in turn showed that she had a regular income.

Willy





Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on March 23, 2014, 01:27:32 am
Wow, everything is so complicated there!

Ivy told me that if they can find a serious buyer within the next couple weeks, then she can have everything done by the end of April. After reading these past few posts, I'm skeptical!

Ivy's situation is a little complicated because her first condo was under her ex's name. She had him sign something that said she had control over it when they divorced. But now, she had to jump through some hoops to get everything squared away. Rather than just have the title changed over to her name, she is trying to sell the house in his name, get the money into a new account that SHE opened under HIS name (by borrowing his national ID card) then immediately transfer the money to her account.  She said this is quicker and easier than transferring the title to her name, and it also avoids a lot of taxes that she would have to pay (she said 50%!?) if she owned a 2nd condo herself.

Well anyway, I'm keeping my fingers cross it will be squared away by the end of April, so she can move here in the beginning of May.

I was prepared to wait months for the government(s) for the visa. But that part actually went pretty smoothly and quickly. Now, it is the real estate stuff that is causing the big delays. One never knows, does one?

It has been about a year and a half now, since we met, and a year since we started planning our life together.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: 2hip on March 23, 2014, 04:25:41 am
Wow, you were not kidding when you said how complex it is.  I don't have any experience with the Chinese property things.  But i was married to a woman form Moscow who died of breast cancer over 10 years ago.  It is unbelievable how complex things can get over there.  A husband and wife who own an apartment together have to have what is called a propiscus (phonetically spelled).  It basically is a legal document that allows you to live in a city and the rights you have to that apartment.  Once you are divorced or even separated...you both still have the right to occupy that apartment until you die.  Even if she remarried and her new husband is living there.  If you want to be a jerk about it...you can still live there and you have the full support of the law.  That just blows me away.  Many women in Russia are divorced and still living with their ex-husbands.  If you don't have the money to buy the other one out...you are stuck with the laws.

Please do not interpret what i am about to say as negative criticism.  It is not the thought i want to convey here.  What is being proposed by her is to evade taxes by, what seems to me, a shady deal.  I am not Chinese and neither are you.  I am sure she is an honest woman trying to do the best she can with a difficult situation.  Here is what i would do....and maybe you already are way further into this thought than i am....1.  I would ask her if this is a legal thing that she can do ( because it sounds like it is tax evasion)?  2. I would ask if her ex-husband is fully aware of what she is proposing ( because using his name to sell the property and taking the proceeds out of escrow and directly into her accounts "immediately" raises the hairs on the back of my neck)?
3.  If the chinese government finds out about this "tax evasion" mechanism she is proposing what are the legal ramifications of this evasion?  4.  Who will be ultimately responsible for these lost taxes....her or her ex-husband if they catch it?  5.  What are the legal ramifications for her travel out of China and into China if they catch wind of this? 

My deceased Father was a Rotarian and they have a creed that i wish all people who walk this planet adhered to.  It is not a religious statement.  But I copied and pasted it.

1. Is it the truth?

2. Is it fair to all concerned?

3. Will it build goodwill and better friendships?

4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

You have gone through long stretches of time without your woman and are weary of the loneliness.  I am sure she just wants to start her new life with you.  Just because we can do something...doesn't mean we should.  It truly sucks what our governments put us through to be together.  Sometimes things can come back to you years later and bite you on the "arse"...With tax evasion ...no matter what country you are from...it is a Federal crime and punishable by owed taxes, fines,  and interest and possibly ( actually LIKELY....PRISON)...Two famous cases in America recently are Wesley Snipes and Willy Nelson...both served time over back taxes (read tax evasion).  What would happen if three years from now she goes home for a visit and is arrested upon entry?  Can you imagine the financial carnage that would ensue?  Can you imagine the emotional roller coast ride that would be?

China is getting their act together and are more efficient now than they were 5 years ago.  They have so many people retiring in the next 5 years and do not have enough revenue to fund it.  They are starving for tax dollars and are learning the western ways of how to chase the tax revenues.  I would hate for black cloud to enter your marriage over a decision that wasn't thought out well.  For example, what if she gets away with this and her ex is liable for the taxes that were absconded with?  What message is the daughter picking up if her father is imprisoned or severely damaged by her actions?  There are so many tangents to this issue, wouldn't you agree?

None of these words are meant to imply dishonesty or poor character.  Maybe what she is doing is perfectly legal in chinese real estate.  But the wording "to avoid taxes" is pretty clear in my mind as to the intent.  Please consider trying to find an honest route (if it was understood correctly by me)...as being a better route.  To hell with the money.  Nothing more important than my reputation and health.  I will finish off with an old Sanskrit verse that i used to teach my boyscouts..."The path of least resistance leads to crooked rivers and crooked men."  It will also be a statement to your wife that you are a straight arrow and can walk the path of life with your head unbowed. 

I am just concerned that the end result, togetherness, is your goal...but it doesn't mean that legal jeopardy is justified to obtain it.  A simple solution is wait for the markets to improve.  Rent the apartments both out and sell them when she is able.  Simple is always better than complex...
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on April 02, 2014, 12:53:54 am
2hip: I agree with you, regarding the honesty and integrity. But things work differently in China. There, it is not such a terrible thing to lie. To omit some part of the story that we would consider a "lie by omission" is commonplace there. They never share any detail that is not absolutely necessary to share, except with the very closest of friends.

On that topic, she told me: "Trust me on this; this is my country and I know how it works, OK?"  I reply with some concern sometimes, but she is so confident and it hurts her if I don't trust her on it.

She talked to her ex-husband and asked if he wanted to buy their old condo back from her, and a steep discount; that would make all the paperwork very easy. He said no, he just invested in a place in Shanghai, and can't afford it now, but she's still holding out hope.

Conversely, sometimes I have to explain to her that things work differently here, and she just has to accept it. She is quicker to adapt to these things than I am. It seems to me that Chinese, in general, adapter quicker than westerners to cultural changes.

*********

The latest on the condo is that she told her realtor she has to leave by May 10th, so if it cannot be all completed before then, please rent it again. She is also lining up one of her friends to take care of selling it in her absence, although I can tell it really bothers her to do so.

Today, she "applied to resign." Apparently, it requires 1 month's notice there. Last week, she bought her plane tickets. She and her son will come on May 9th, no matter what happens with the condos. I had to really push her for that. I actually shared Willy's and IrishGuy's stories with her, which I think brought her around a little.

The Big Day is now less than 6 weeks away. I'm pretty amped-up.

Thanks for all your advice so far.  :)

PS - A colleague of ours just returned to Chicago from Guangzhou and brought a couple bags full of slippers and photo albums. Lots of baby pictures of LiFu, with his ding-dong hanging out of those crotchless toddler pants they have there. There will be PLENTY of ammo to embarass him in front of his girlfriend in a few years, when he gets snotty with us.  8)
Title: < 4 weeks
Post by: Smaug on April 13, 2014, 09:34:29 pm
The Big Day is less than 4 weeks away now. I wish I had a time machine.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: maxx on April 13, 2014, 11:30:32 pm
Happy to hear it. Best wishes for along and happy life together.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on May 19, 2014, 06:40:05 pm
They're here now, for over a week. They arrived last Friday.

We're slowly getting through the little issues; nothing even worth mentioning.

We got our marriage license on Sunday. We're getting married Thursday. LiFu (her son) started his first day of school. The kids gave him a warm welcome. (probably at the direction of the teacher and principal) There are two other kids who speak Mandarin in the school, but not in his class. (that's probably a good thing, so he can't lean on them)

After we're married, I'll get them on my health, dental, and life insurance, and that'll be a big load off my back, as I'm worried about what'll happen if this boy (he's pretty clumsy) falls off his bike and breaks his arm; it'll cost $30k to patch that up, and really put a damper on our plan to buy a house in the next couple years...

In short, everything is going great, thanks for all your well wishes!
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: Smaug on September 04, 2014, 12:53:21 am
Woo, 3 months since my last update? I'm a bad boy.

Things are slowly settling down, as much as they can with two kids. (my daughter's 2-1/2 and LiFu's 10)

LiFu just started school a few weeks ago. Although he thought he was way ahead of most American kids in math, it turns out it is not that easy. He's got a Chromebook (Samsung-branded netbook, designed to work well with Google's "free" software.) that he's doing a lot of his homework on. After going through some math with him on it today, I have to admit that it is pretty great. No better than the pencil & paper I learned with, but probably more efficient, and with the instant, one-on-one feedback that is so important.

Right, onto our relationship. We still fight from time to time. QunFang is not always that patient, just as I'm not always that good at taking her clues. We've been married now for about 3-1/2 months. She got her work permit and travel document last week. The next day she applied for a job at my company. (also her old company) Still waiting to hear back on that; the middle management seemed like they really wanted to keep her. Yesterday, we went and applied for Social Security Numbers for her and LiFu. That seemed pretty straightforward; they said we should get their cards/numbers in the mail in a week or so. After that, she'll go apply for a learner's driving permit. (she was licensed in China, so I have high hopes she'll learn quickly without cracking up our car) We'll drive together in parking lots for a while, then she'll take her test, get her license, and she'll be open to work anywhere then.

As for our living situation, we're still in this little apartment. 850 sq. ft. (79 sq. meters) Most of the time, it is just cozy, rather than cramped. When we've got my daughter for visitation, it starts to feel a little tight. Now, one of her old colleagues from Hong Kong is visiting, sleeping on the couch for a few days. He's on vacation. His first stop was in New York for a cousin's wedding. Now here to visit us and also stop in the local branch office. Then, onto San Jose, California Saturday morning to wrap up the vacation. So, 4-5 of us living in a 2 bedroom apartment.  We're just like the Mexican families we used to laugh at, growing up! Ah well, at least we have the same great family values too, hehehe.

If she gets a job at my company (her old company) we won't NEED for her to be driving right away, as it is only 2.5 miles from our apartment; one of the main reasons I got this small apartment to begin with.

So, the next steps are:

- Get QunFang & LiFu's Social Security Nos.
- Get QunFang working
- Get QunFang driving
- Keep LiFu under control
- Be a good father for my daughter, whom I don't see as often as I'd like, even if it is no less than twice a week.
- Keep out of debt, even with one salary and 4 mouths to feed (we spent $800 on groceries one month...)
- Keep QunFang emotionally stable; she's not the stay-home Mom kind of person, but she's coping well enough, so far.

In other news, QunFang wants to try for another baby. I don't really WANT another baby, but I wouldn't be heartbroken if we had another one either. She's 40, so it's really getting late for her. They say her chances of getting pregnant naturally are about 25% now, and it seems to drop exponentially with each passing month. She REALLY wants another, but cannot answer why. I'm not sure there IS an answer. I'm just worried about paying for college, and being Old Parents.

We just has physicals; she's got to make an appointment with the OB/gyne, which she's not that comfortable with. We've got vision appointments. LiFu has already had his pre school physical and eye exam. He's got a lazy eye that will need some work. I haven't had my sight checked for many years. I think I may be getting near-sighted from my desk/computer job. Previously, I was 20/20. QunFang's vision is not that great, but she refuses to wear glasses, except at work.

Constanze has just started potty training. She's so proud of herself that she can go pee-pee on the potty. Working on poo-poo now. She's getting pretty good on the tricycle. Soon, she'll be too big for the bike seat she loves so much on the back of my bicycle. Either 40 or 45 lbs (about 20 kg) is the limit, and she's GOT to be pretty close to that by now. Then it'll be time for her own (real) bike.

In other news, one nice lady I met on ChinaDaily forum from Inner Mongolia met a Canadian guy. She's divorced with a child, and her parents are raising him during the week. She sees him only on weekends. Sad! He's mid-divorce with two kids. I think it might be messy. It reminded me of one story I read here about a Canadian guy have a HELL of a time brining his wife back to Canada. If someone can remind me who that is/was, please do. I want to provide this nice lady with a link of first-person advice. I seem to remember that the Canadian government was not convinced that she wasn't seeing their citizen as a mealticket...

As I type this, QunFang is sleeping next to me, with her even breathing. She had no nap today, and was VERY cranky this evening, so I'm glad to hear her sleeping so soundly.

Life is good.

Thanks again for your support, Fellas. I'm trying to pay it forward.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: kenny on September 04, 2014, 09:27:28 am
Good to read that everything is going well, good luck to you both.

I think you may be refering to Neil, havent heard from him in a while. I hope things have gotten better for him.
Title: Re: Our Story
Post by: JustJim on September 07, 2014, 09:44:11 pm
Neil is the one that I remember also.


So let me ask you smaug...

why did you wait 3 months to apply for her learner's permit?  Just life or is there some legal reason...?

I only ask because I will want Mei to apply for her's as soon as she can and I was just wondering if there is a waiting period...

Glad to hear that you are adjusting.  It's a whole different thing to have your gal with you.