China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: IrishGuy65 on February 09, 2013, 08:16:28 pm
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Hello all. I'm new here. I've gone through some of the forums, but there is a preponderance of information, so large that I think I may be divorced and remarried at least twice by the time I go through it all :)
Seriously, though, I just recently joined chnlove.com... don't remember how I came to find the site. I understand, from some of my reading here, that there are many scams, fake profiles, etc. Could someone take the time to sum up what the best way to start looking for ladies on the site, how to find the scammers and other pitfalls, and maybe a little bit on what to say and not to say in your initial EMFs with ladies of interest to you?
To be honest, it all seems a little bit daunting, and quite frankly... scary. Any and all help and advice will be greatly appreciated.
As I said, I recently (maybe a month ago or so), joined chnlove.com. I got a TON of admirer mails (which I thought was strange because I'm 47, out of shape, have a receding hairline which is not good for a Leo to possess, and a long bushy beard. My profile picture is not flattering and all too accurate :) Still, the admirer mails keep coming in. After a while, I decided I liked the site because I got so much interest, OF COURSE! Am I the fish that just got hooked? Anyway, so I made a list of what was important to me, and went through each admirer's profile to trim down the list. I got down to 8 ladies. I finally got up the nerves to buy some credits and replied to two of the ladies. One replied within hours (I sent the message at 11PM my time, which is noon her time... she is in Beijing, and I am on the East Coast of the USA). One took a couple of days. I've written 3 more EMFs, two to the fast replier and 1 more to the slower lady (who is in Qingdao, by the way). That's my story up to now. I will provide more information if needed, but I just don't know where to go from here... don't know if this is good or bad, or even what I should be looking for or wary of...
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Congratulations on making that first move.
I started with Chnlove in the days when you could get personal contact details exchanged with each other, (but that facility has now gone.)
First select an area that is easiest to get too. Beijing and Shanghai are good for this but are expensive in the long run. I settled on Zhuhai when I first arrived here, basically because flights to Hong Kong were cheaper than flying direct into Mainland China and Zhuhai as, Shenzhen and Zhongshan, is just a ferry ride from Hong Kong. Although the high speed trains are making traveling to other places more easy just remember China is a huge country and travel is not always easy for a first time visitor and train seats are not always easy to obtain in a rush.
I started off with a list of about 100 women, then considered which would be interested in an overweight 60 year old and so cut that 100 down to 2. One of these seemed to disappear off Chnlove so in 2009 I made the journey to meet that remaining one.
As it happened despite weeks of online chatting and telephone calls within a week we decided that we were not really suited. I did not head home with my tails between my legs. I stayed and found that actually living here there are so many more 'opportunities' offered.
I ventured out from Zhuhai and came to Zhongshan and on one visit met the lady that is now my wife. For a couple of months we traveled to each others cities and really got to know each other and four months after meeting we married. Bought a home here and life has never been the same since. I never intend to leave China.
So although my circumstances are different to most there is one thing that should be constant. Make sure you meet in person before making any commitments. Try to get away from Chnlove as soon as you can. remember you pay for the messages to and from the lady. That can work out expensive.
Then having found you lady then settle down for the long haul, (something I have never had to go through) getting your lady (probably your wife by then) to your own country.
Within this forum you will receive a lot of advice.
Get ready to change your life has others here have done.
Any questions then there is always somewhere here who can give you the answer. Plus there is no delay in having a posting accepted on this forum.
Willy
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Welcome Zoot (I may call you this?) first of all. I'm glad you joined this Forum before you dive in too deep to get out again without being burned.
The first thing you did right, was to limit yourself down to just a few. Now, about those "Fast" replies of the one Lady's in Beijing. This is a red flag (let's say 90% of the time) and most likely the Translator writing you back quickly.. to soak up your new bought Credits as fast as he can. I'd go with the slower responce and make sure with that one, you get your questions answered correctly and not "How is the weather"? You know, get a question back for an question ask. Check our Agencies list of "Bad Apples" to stay away from. Also, try to receive everyday Photo's (not Chnlove's) from your Lady .. as you send yours to her. Any resistance to that request.. could be the Agency holding back.. to first make a little more off you $$-wise, or the Lady is NOT willing to.. which is another red flag. I would not ask more then twice, before I move on. If you are Honest, you are entitled for Honesty back.. this is just how it works.. two ways and not one. Get to see her on a Webcam after you have established somewhat of an relationship to make her feel comfortable to do this. If all is good, plan on a Visit within 6 months to no more then a year at most. This will be the moment of truth, if it is going any further. Next step the Parents approval, before it will come to anything further then Friendship between you two. So give yourself time to think it through carefully step by step and not let anybody rush you along. If there are misunderstandings (there will be many) think of the 24 Hour Rule (from Maxx) before you shoot back anything you might regret later. Good Luck and ask.. ask and ask some more if in doubt, that's why we are here.
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Run Zoot, Run.
Get as far away from chnlove as you can. I have experienced the scams and read every horror story on this forum. I got burned by Chnlove twice.
Go with China love links or china love match and Roberts site. You will still find scammers there, but far fewer and there is no middle man taking a cut. I met a lot of ladies there and still communicate with them about their quest to find a better husband and life out of China. You will find a lot of ladies there that you probably not interested in but great pen pals to chat with about China.
Get yourself a QQ account and get ready to be inundated with people that want to be your friend. And best of all once you find someone interesting you can chat all you want for free.
There is a thread here that I started for guys to hook up with single gals that are looking for husbands. Send me your photos and your chnlove profile. I will forward them on to my friends.
Best of luck and stay away from Chnlove.
Single Chinese Girls looking for husbands.
http://www.xingfulove.com (http://www.xingfulove.com)
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Thanks guys.... I appreciate all the input. I have registered on the xingfulove.com site last night.
I downloaded QQ, but I get an error message that says: Sorry! Your software installation cannot complete. InstallQ is unable to complete the installation. Please retry again after checking: 1. Your Internet connectionis working properly, 2. Your firewall or antivirus software is configured to allow InstallQ.... I have no clue on how to check firewall or antivirus. I know I am connected to the internet :)
I have to get ready to go to work, but I'll reply more fully tonight.
Again, thanks for the replies. I hope to ask a lot more questions during this quest :)
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delete your old qq install and download qq from: http://www.imqq.com/ (http://www.imqq.com/) This is qq international - meant for English speakers, with built in automatic translation. You've got to be careful about downloading qq from illegitimate sites - you're bound to get a virus. Yeah, you're going to have to allow qq to access the internet, but I don't think the installer needs access. It's been a long time since I've installed it.
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Hello again all.... sorry, but I caught the flu and was down for a while.
First, I was able to get QQ to work, finally. There is a setting in Norton Security Suite in Windows 7 that I had to reset. I had AIM which worked fine for me so I checked settings and found one setting that was different. After changing the setting for QQ, it works fine now. However, I'm not being inundated with requests :(
I've decided to continue to chat with 2 ladies on Chnlove.com until I'm out of credits. Shouldn't take too long. Then I'll ask them to contact me via QQ or email and see what happens. After that, I should be out of Chnlove.com. Thanks for the advice, it seems pretty clear from everyone this is the way to go.
I will try other sites provided here, but I think that maybe the best bet is to head to China. I'm going to start learning some Chinese and try to learn a little more about the culture there before I make the trip though. Does anyone have a recommendation on the best way to learn Chinese? I was going to buy Rosetta Stone, but it seems there are mixed reviews.
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Hey Zoot, in terms of learning Chinese, you could just Google a beginner lesson. I guess just follow some threads. Or check your community to see if there are any classes being held. A good little handbook I would recommend is ' The Rough Guide Phrasebook, Mandarin Chinese' at www.roughguides.com (http://www.roughguides.com) I have found it indispensable. The other thing I did was to put common phrases on the wall above my computer, so when you are talking with a woman, you can look up and refer to it.
You need to get the intricacies of how they sound in pinyin. Such as, Guangzhou is pronounced as Gwongjoe. The Zh is a j sound. You'll pick it up slowly.
I would recommend 'Chineselovelinks', as it is inexpensive, and you can message directly, and then hook up on QQ if they are interested. Some of the woman can be pretty shy if they are self conscious about their English. I would recommend that you try and find a lady that has some English already.
You have to weed out the woman that want a ticket out of China, and those that want a relationship. Some want both. I know of a friends father who got ditched by an older Chinese lady once she got here. Restraining order, the whole bit.
Good luck Zoot
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I've decided to continue to chat with 2 ladies on Chnlove.com until I'm out of credits. Shouldn't take too long. Then I'll ask them to contact me via QQ or email and see what happens. After that, I should be out of Chnlove.com. Thanks for the advice, it seems pretty clear from everyone this is the way to go.
I will try other sites provided here, but I think that maybe the best bet is to head to China. I'm going to start learning some Chinese and try to learn a little more about the culture there before I make the trip though. Does anyone have a recommendation on the best way to learn Chinese? I was going to buy Rosetta Stone, but it seems there are mixed reviews.
The chances of a translator passing over details of your QQ is very low. Remember the ladies NEVER get to actually read your message. They are told over the phone exactly what the agency wants them to hear.
This is one site worth going to for learning Mandarin www.sexymandarin.com (http://www.sexymandarin.com) as it does hold your interest.
Find sites on youtube there are some good ones. Do not try to learn too much at once. Learn a phrase and use it as often as possible.
You will be learning it in PinYin a language devised so that you can read,repeat and get the pronounciations correct.
Do not bother to write long pieces in pinyin. The vast majority of Chinese will have no idea what it is saying. They do not use it. It is just for us 'foreigners' to use to learn the language.
Willy
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Hello again all.... sorry, but I caught the flu and was down for a while.
First, I was able to get QQ to work, finally. There is a setting in Norton Security Suite in Windows 7 that I had to reset. I had AIM which worked fine for me so I checked settings and found one setting that was different. After changing the setting for QQ, it works fine now. However, I'm not being inundated with requests :(
I've decided to continue to chat with 2 ladies on Chnlove.com until I'm out of credits. Shouldn't take too long. Then I'll ask them to contact me via QQ or email and see what happens. After that, I should be out of Chnlove.com. Thanks for the advice, it seems pretty clear from everyone this is the way to go.
I will try other sites provided here, but I think that maybe the best bet is to head to China. I'm going to start learning some Chinese and try to learn a little more about the culture there before I make the trip though. Does anyone have a recommendation on the best way to learn Chinese? I was going to buy Rosetta Stone, but it seems there are mixed reviews.
ZootMurph,
I bought the English program for my wife, she had it completed and mastered level one in 1 week. Basically I gave them 200 dollars for her to learn about 20 phrases. I think RS is over-rated and expensive. I use Rocket languages myself, very affordable and more through in my opinion than Pimsluer or RossetaStone. Here is a link to the language site http://www.rocketlanguages.com/chinese/premium/?aff=robertt999 (http://www.rocketlanguages.com/chinese/premium/?aff=robertt999)
Regards, Robertt
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Ive found
http://survivalphrases.com/chinese/guest.php (http://survivalphrases.com/chinese/guest.php)
quite useful as a basic intro - the first 10 lessons with audio and pdf files are free.
There's also a lot of introductory stuff on YouTube e.g
10 Survival Phrases (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuGt3w_zcLY#)
Learn basic chinese mandarin beginners survival phrases (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4YCvvAF8xw#ws)
I've found it a lot easier to aim low - learning just enough to get by -
whereas starting on a formal course can be dauntingly formidable
I think that maybe the best bet is to head to China. I'm going to start learning some Chinese and try to learn a little more about the culture there before I make the trip though.
I tried that. It lasted about 15 minutes before I was outclassed , outmaneuvered and ring fenced by a lady quite a lot smarter than I had thought she was :)
It all worked out well - extremely well actually - she is now my beautiful wife, I her loyal husband..
But it had nothing to do with whatever plans I might have had in mind :)
You are in for interesting times
Best
David K
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What's your QQ number.
Give it time. They will find you . I still think you should join CLL of CLM. one price for a month of talking to anyone you want and many as you want. And believe me. They will definitely find you there. If you like them then you can give them your QQ number.
I WOULD NOT JUST UP AND GO TO CHINA. Don't think for a minute that a few lessons online are going to prepare you for conversation. Its just not true. You need to have contacts there. People to visit. People to translate for you. People to guide you and help you. You need a plan.
And Shave.
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Peter, I will check out roughguides. Also, that is my biggest fear, finding a lady that wants to find someone to use to get out of China, or to bring her whole family over... then getting rid of you.
Willy, I did see that sexy mandarin site. I think I got the link from these forums, in fact, although I'm not certain. I will look through YouTube.
Robert, thanks a lot for that site. I'll check it out.
David, thanks for that. I think a few free lessons on basic survival phrases is an excellent way to start. I wasn't planning on just jumping right into China, though. I was hoping to make some contacts and learn a LOT more just about the culture, before I make the trip. Hopefully, in 6-7 months I can do all that AND have a small amount of Mandarin in my bag of tricks :) I definitely realize the culture and language are so much different that what I know, and it will take a LOT of learning to even begin to be prepared to go there.
Pineau, I have shaved! I'm having a hard time with the mustache, though. I've had it for over 30 years, and I really don't know if I can let it go... And like I said to David, I probably didn't say that in a way that fully explained myself. I don't expect to just up and go to China without a lot of preparation and some type of support as far as people to talk with and help me. I've also joined both CLL and CLM. However, I haven't delved into them yet, as I'm currently trying to use up my credits on chnlove.com first. My QQ is 2593549471.
Again, everyone.... thanks VERY much for taking the time to offer comments and advice. I feel very fortunate to have found this site and the resources herein. One thing I need to learn more about, as I said in the beginning, is the scammers/users.
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I wouldn't harp on it if I didn't think it is important. My wife tells Chinese ladies prefer clean shaven men.
I had a mustache for about 15 years then shaved it off. Then later grew a full beard. I got a lot of action on CLL and CLM but nothing like what I got after I shaved it off.
My wife agrees that the clean shaved face looks 10 years younger.
I was talking to a friend the other night and showed her your photo. Her first words were. "tell him to shave"
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I wouldn't harp on it if I didn't think it is important. My wife tells Chinese ladies prefer clean shaven men.
I also agree 100%, as my LaoPo dislikes/hates Facial hair. I'd say this is very true especially with Lady's in their 30's and up. We don't know what age your looking for, but I think the younger generation can handle it better.. as it is/seems with the case having Tattoo's. I always planned on making a good first expression and look clean shaven, afterwards.. you just ask if it's okay with your Girl to have a Mustache/Beard. A simple "Yes" or "No" question.
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OK, I'll shave. :)
I'm looking for ladies my age, not younger than 10 years younger than me, and for me I think that's pushing it. I'm not looking for a lady that is my daughter's age, after all! If I was, I'd just ask my daughter to hook me up with some of her friends... imagine the look on her face, would be priceless! ;D
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I haven't shaved and I haven't done to bad. :P But she asks me to shave all of the time. :o ::) :-\
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To get rid of credits on chnlove.com, I asked my favorite lady, who says she speaks 'good' English, to set up a Love Call. She was happy to do this, and we just finished our conversation. She needs work, but she can understand me (even though I talk too fast), and I can understand her (even though I'm an intolerant American, my words, not anyone else's, who can't understand anyone who doesn't speak 'perfect' English). I made off hand remarks about things that she wrote in EMFs, and she recognized what I was talking about, so I believe it was the same person from the messages... for example, she talked about being away from home with her parents for the holiday, and playing Mahjong with them, and that she didn't do well. I said, during the conversation, that I hope you do better today in Mahjong and she laughed and seemed genuinely surprised I read, and remembered, her letter. In the end, we exchanged phone numbers and we exchanged texts and QQ numbers. Now I have to set up my damn webcam...
Anyway, some questions:
1) Are all Chinese women jealous types? She asked me more than once if I'm talking to other ladies on chnlove.com. I told her the truth, that there are 2 others, she is my favorite. She asked if I would stop talking to the others and I said yes. I WILL do what I said I would do. I only have 3 credits left, and I wasn't planning on buying more anyway. I will mention that I am only interested in ladies 40+ who were divorced with no children, so I assume (we haven't discussed her marriage yet) she was cheated on like many Chinese wives seem to be.
2) She giggled a LOT. I'm a funny guy, but not that funny. She did tell me that my pronunciations were funny (I tried to say a few things I learned in Chinese... the only one I got right was ni hao ma... pinyin is tough!!). Do most Chinese women giggle a lot, or am I funnier than even I believe?
3) She asked about what I like to be called. I told her Pat, Patrick, I don't care. So she said my new Chinese name was Bao Be (that's how it sounded). She wouldn't tell me what it meant. Can someone help me out here?
4) While we talked a little on several subjects, she seemed to be very interested in me coming to visit her in China. When I said I didn't know how long it takes to get a visa taken care of, or that I wouldn't be able to afford it until July, she seemed genuinely upset. I really didnt see things going so fast, considering that I thought Chinese women were conservative and slow moving. We've exchanged 7 emails, 3 from her and 4 from me, plus this talk. Is this normal?
5) Finally, she says she had a friend that met a man from Australia and is now living with him there. How does this affect the whole situation?
The whole thing was surreal, and I didn't know how to take it. She asked a lot of questions and was positively responsive to my questions. She controlled the conversation for the most part. She seemed disappointed that I had to end the call because I knew I was getting close to the end of my credits, but she was happy to exchange cell #s and responded quickly to my text and gave me her QQ. I didn't ask her about facial hair or shaving yet... maybe I should have, that could have been the clincher :D She lives in Shenzhen, and I would like to talk with her more on QQ and through text/phone calls before I meet her in person. Is juanjuan (her name is JuanLi, she likes to be called juanjuan, which I need to practice saying so I say it correctly...) for real, or is this just a scam? She seems real enough, but I'm basically a virgin here.
Oh, yeah, how long DOES it take to get a tourist visa?
I would like your thoughts, and also is this the right place to post, or would another forum be better?
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You can get a tourist visa pretty quick, but it will cost extra. The normal processing takes about 7-10 days unless you walk it through yourself! Here is the company I used for all my previous visas! http://www.visarite.com/ (http://www.visarite.com/) Regards, Robertt
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...In the end, we exchanged phone numbers and we exchanged texts and QQ numbers. Now I have to set up my damn webcam...
Well done. Now you can stop buying credits, and save that money towards a ticket to go see her. You'll get to know her really quickly on QQ and figure out if she might be the one.
To answer some of your questions with my very limited experience:
1) Are all Chinese women jealous types?
In my experience, yes. To give this a proper chance you both need to shut down chatting to others. She's probably been burnt before.
2) She giggled a LOT.
I found the same - my current gf has hysterics over anything, which is cute. At least she is happy most of the time.
4) ...visit her in China.
Yep, they move fast - they want to know if you are serious so they don't waste their time. Be prepared to hear talk about love and marriage real soon after you chat on QQ. Marriage is her end goal and she will want to get straight to the point.
5) Finally, she says she had a friend that met a man from Australia and is now living with him there. How does this affect the whole situation?
That's normal. She probably got involved with the site after chatting to her friends about foreigners. It's too early to say what her intentions are though.
Shaving - I have a full beard and she never said anything about it until recently, after a couple of visits and a year of chatting. So I shaved it all off for her. She likes this better now and says all her friends think I look much younger shaved. I disagree, so I've grown it back, but promised I will shave again for our next meeting.
cheers,
Steve
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She is calling you precious baby. Or dear baby.
This is me age 57 with beard. Age 60 without the beard.
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If the lady lives in Shenzhen then why not consider this.
I believe that a US Citizen does not need a visa to enter Hong Kong. You can stay for up to 90 days. Because the lady is from Shenzhen and it adjoins Hong Kong she can enter Hong Kong on the special arrangement that some residents of Guangdong Province have with Hong Kong.
The airline flights are very regular and cheaper to Hong Kong. You can meet up there. If you want to both go into Mainland China you can always pick up a same day visa to cross the border.
No reason to put of meeting for so long.
Willy
Have you ever wondered why Chinamen do not have full beards? They are difficult to grow other than those wispy strands of hair that sprout from their chins.
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Precious baby... I like it. Also, I like your facial hair configuration there. I see now how you say you look younger with it shaved... mine is pretty gray also, so getting rid of it will get rid of the obvious sign of age that is a salt and pepper beard :)
Willy, the problem is more about my comfort level than anything else. I don't expect in the near future (next year or so) to be able to even consider being able to do things on my own in China, maybe even after 1 year. So, what if things change after we meet face to face. If I put 2 weeks aside for a visit as she asks, and we meet and after spending a couple of days together it doesn't work out, what then? Also, I assume she'll have to work during the time I'm visiting... what do I do with my time during her work hours?
Honestly, like I said, this is much faster than I expected anything to happen. I wasn't really prepared to consider a Chinese visit just yet, much less actually planning one. Hopefully, when we start talking through QQ once she gets back from her parents' place in Hunan, we can talk about that more. Depending on how much money I need when I am there, I think I can afford the trip without a big strain on my finances. But that's really not my concern. It's fast, and there's a LOT of unknowns I need to clear up and/or learn about. After reading a bit and doing a little research, my first thought was to fly into Hong Kong and take it from there, so I appreciate that advice.
I don't have any problem growing facial hair, LOL. I have shaved the beard, but can't shave the moustache yet. I'll ask her what she thinks on QQ, then decide on the moustache.
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Willy, the problem is more about my comfort level than anything else. I don't expect in the near future (next year or so) to be able to even consider being able to do things on my own in China, maybe even after 1 year. So, what if things change after we meet face to face. If I put 2 weeks aside for a visit as she asks, and we meet and after spending a couple of days together it doesn't work out, what then? Also, I assume she'll have to work during the time I'm visiting... what do I do with my time during her work hours?
If you meet and it does not work out then that happened to me. But it was no problem. There was enough ladies taking an interest in me to keep my days full. So my planned 6 weeks stay become almost 4 years and still counting. I never looked back.
Willy
PS. My wife is from Hunan as well.
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Moving really fast. A bit scary if you ask me. Running away to meet the family on the first visit. Comeon...Zoot just got his feet on the ground and about to be snatched up by the first lady that would talk to him. Careful with Chinese ladies that move this fast.
Zoot, If she starts right away to push you to love and marriage then that says a lot about her motives. If your going to China I would stay and set up command central in mainland China. With a economy hotel that you can get away to whenever you need to be alone to think. And being able to go away and be alone prevents her from dominating your every moment there. And If so inclined you can also meet some other ladies from CLL. Guangzhou and Shenzhen are full of them.
I know.... maybe you can stay at willies !!!! He is close to Guangzhou and Shenzhen. ;D
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I know.... maybe you can stay at willies !!!! He is close to Guangzhou and Shenzhen. ;D
Just 75 US dollars a day including bed and three meals a day.
Willy
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Moving really fast. A bit scary if you ask me. Running away to meet the family on the first visit. Comeon...Zoot just got his feet on the ground and about to be snatched up by the first lady that would talk to him. Careful with Chinese ladies that move this fast.
That is exactly what I was thinking. I don't mind being snatched up by the first lady if she's the right lady. She did say, in our talk, that when I come to visit she hopes that I like it so much I will never leave... so I don't get the feeling she's trying to get a free ticket. And she has travelled to the USA and some other places before. Maybe scammers are more clever that I think also. I'm not going to rush it, but I like this lady and would like to get to know her better... I'd just like to take it slower, especially since I didn't expect all this to come about like this.
Zoot, If she starts right away to push you to love and marriage then that says a lot about her motives. If your going to China I would stay and set up command central in mainland China. With a economy hotel that you can get away to whenever you need to be alone to think. And being able to go away and be alone prevents her from dominating your every moment there. And If so inclined you can also meet some other ladies from CLL. Guangzhou and Shenzhen are full of them.
I know.... maybe you can stay at willies !!!! He is close to Guangzhou and Shenzhen. ;D
Unfortunately, I couldn't do a long visit... two weeks is my absolute max. I am a poker dealer in a casino, and when I'm not working, I'm not making money. My vacation and personal time are basically minimum wage ($7.25 an hour, I think...). I was sorta hoping there were people in that area that I could call on when I was there, to meet up with us and maybe get some insights from her using their experience that I couldn't get or see. Plus, getting to meet others face to face is always a nice thing :)
Willy, watch out, I may take you up on that :)
As usual, thanks for the inputs. feel free to keep them coming. It'll be several days before I will talk to her again... so I have time to sit back, think, and chew on it a little. 24 hour rule? More like the 72 hour rule for me in this case.
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Zoot , nice to see that your now on QQ , not only can you take snapshots of your lady , but from the outset back up your chats onto a usb stick or whatever so that you have a record , that may come in handy later on .
As you are a poker dealer I wonder whether you could not make this a study tour , with a few days in Macau to see if things are different in their casinos , just an idea , I know all my China trips are part business , Shenzen is a large 24 hour city as are many mainland cities and until you arrive in China one cannot imagine the jigsaw of life there .
When you are talking with your lady just keep your chitchat general and simple and talk slowly, if there is a word she does not understand type it out and she will more than likely translate it at her end , ask her when she would be able to have holiday time to see you , as depending on her work situation it may not be till their autumn holiday period , much better to plan for 4- 6 months ahead especially as airfares vary dramatically , peak travel times can almost double .
Yes until you meet face to face nothing is certain , but on QQ it is great to learn about each other , just remember that most Chinese women are far more street smart[ in the nicest way ] than Western women and they sure cook a lovely meal out of mystery goodies ha ha , nothing like a Chinese cafe at home , regards sujuan and Robert .
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Just curious...where in Hunan Province?
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Just curious...where in Hunan Province?
It borders Guangdong on the northern/northwestern edge. So it is north of Guandong province, or Shenzhen/Hong Kong.
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Sorry, I meant, what city/ton in Hunan? I have spent some time in this province.
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LOL... Sorry. She didn't tell me where. Her mother's birthday is today, so she is spending the extra week with her family to celebrate. I'll find out when she's back in Shenzhen this weekend.
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Here's a good one.
I was reading another forum this morning and learned of a guy that was a skype user. He got a request fromr a lady to add him to his contacts ..so he did. I get these requests too but just delete them. Well he gets to be friends with the lady and over time they got to be "really good friends" exchanging erotic photos and the like. Then one day they got naked on camera for a little more than just talk. Then she informs him that she had recorded everything and was going to post it online including his facebook and other social websites unless he forked over MONEY!
What a moron. i am still chuckling.
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This is not just a problem for adults that should know better but is is also a serious one for kids.
Youngsters have set up similar associations and have done things on camera they would rather wish they had not. They then find that they are plastered on facebook etc with the result that they are ridiculed at school and in their neighbourhood and this continues long after the offending messages have been removed.
Worse still is that some has been blackmailed into performing all sorts of illegal underage acts to satisfy the perverts and their fellow 'pedo' online friends. Some have been known to have committed suicide over such events.
Willy
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This is a bill that was just put forward in Canada today. http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/new-cyberbullying-bill-to-prohibit-sending-intimate-images-without-consent-1.1551527 (http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/new-cyberbullying-bill-to-prohibit-sending-intimate-images-without-consent-1.1551527)
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Oh my god. I ran across this while I was reading about a password theft at Adobe and Facebook.
The password on file at Cupid media is the same as the one I use for my bank account and my credit card accounts. I never received any notice of a security breach. Take notice and change your passwords it you need to.
Up to 42 million people worldwide have had their names, email addresses, passwords and dates of birth exposed to online criminals, the result of a data breach in January at Australian online-dating company Cupid Media.
There have been bigger data breaches, but perhaps none worse. Every one of the 42 million Cupid Media passwords was stored in unencrypted plain text.
http://www.tomsguide.com/us/cupid-media-data-breach,news-17879.html (http://www.tomsguide.com/us/cupid-media-data-breach,news-17879.html)
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Hi Pineau,
a little off topic, but you mentioned passwords. There are a couple of solutions:
- use a password manager (I use Lastpass, premium account covers all my devices) - one password to remember and let it generate crazy random stuff for everything else.
- the other is a neat little trick:
Think of a song. For the example I will use "IF" by Bread. (it isn't the one I use, LOL, but it gives a good example)
If a Picture paints 10Oo Words, then Why can't I paint You
Notice that I mixed up Caps and lower case, and mixed numbers and letters in 1,000. could also use U instead of You or 3x0 instead of the zero's in 1,000. Lots of little tricks you can play, but you will never forget the song.
This becomes your base phrase for the password, then you add the website Cl for this one, ClL for China Love Links, Fb for Facebook etc - so each site has a unique, but easily remembered password.
You need to get a song with 10 - 14 letter/numbers to fit with the (usually) 16 digit password format
Have fun and be more secure.
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Thanks for the advice but I already have my passwords tucked away behind lock and key. Most of them are unique but I messed up when I used the same one as my financial accounts as I did on Cupid. That has since been remedied. The problem is not with the individual that got his password hacked. The problem is with the site managers lazy methods to keep you passwords accessible to online internet hackers and in an un-encrypted format. I did , finally , months later receive an email from Qpid telling me about the password hack and advising me to change it. .
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Does anyone here have experience with agency P928? I would really like to know what to expect from them when I go to China to meet my lady.
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Since no one has replied as yet, I thought to provide additional information regarding the agency as recommended by a friend. The name of the agency is:
Zhengzhou Dishi Culture Communication Co. Ltd, Since Mar-21-12 in Zhengzhou, Henan.
Any experiences with this company would be greatly appreciated.
I will be sure to post my experience with them as facts arise.
Tom
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Sorry, The only agency I know is in Shenyang and they scammed me twice.
Met Fiona on Chinalovematch.net
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Me? After research here and there...I stayed away from Chinese agencies altogether! I had been scammed prior by a Ukrainian agency. I met my wife on a personals website.
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Tom,
That agency appears to be fairly new.
I had an opportunity to visit Zhengzhou a few years back..prior to Mar2012.
Like anything you read on the forums, use a little common sense and most importantly don't let the site hype & pretty
pics seduce you out of your monies.
I think if I were you, I'd pick one lady from that agency. Only one but pick one of the more (as in MOST) recently published ladies and
acquaint yourself. If you tender your interest, it will cost you time & some money. Nothing is free nowadays. The longer you spin
your agencies wheels the more money you will spend.
I don't have my membership any longer but I understand the the 'cupid's' (sort of an electronic business card of interest)
are gone. So, that approach is burnt toast.
If the woman of your choice is interested, give communication a month, two months at most, a go. If the interest is there
she (as in 'the agency'..the necessary 3rd party) will express their desire for your visit. Go. This stage of the 'man meets woman'
is critically important. Too soon shows you are probably just a 'player' & tardiness indicates you are not ready or that
serious of a suitor. If the lady is real, she will not have a penchant to be your penpal. She wants marriage & a visit is mandatory.
I met my wife thru Chnlove on my 4th visit, but it was another agency, another city. Took me 3 visits to figure out the scheme of
things, but the ladies are real.
Be advised there is a lot of places of interest near Zhengzhou. To the West there is the Shaolin Temple & a bit further,
Longmen Grotto.
You should enjoy yourself in Zhengzhou.
Oh, be advised that Chinese New Year is in a few days. Forgo any communication until well into February.
Wish you the good luck! John
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Everyone, thanks for your thoughts and advice.
I have been speaking to one lady since before Thanksgiving and plan to visit in April. While I am pretty sure some of "her" letters were the translator, I also can tell that at least a good portion were from my lady. So even though I spent quite a bit in communication, I would likely have spent the same amount dating a western woman and been fooled even more often :)
Anyway, I fully expect to marry this lady in April when I visit for 2 weeks. Yes, I am that sure of our relationship. And yes, I have been wrong before, haha.
@JohnB, thanks John would love to see the Shaolin Temple but although the agency is in Zhengzhou, my lady lives in Nanning. Any ideas why she might choose an agency that is clear across the country?
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Tom , it is not unusual for a lady to pick an out of town agency for many reasons including the possibility one of her friends suggested that particular one or she could not be sure who maybe trolling in her neighbourhood .
See on any of the other free to view sites seeing you know her age and possibly her area , other guys have in the past found their ladies on other sites as well and saved themselves many dollars by a little detective work , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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And is she prepared and ready to marry you on this first trip? are you sure?
Yes, I believe that she is. We have talked daily since Nov 22. We will know for certain when we meet of course.
[/quote]We have advised guys many times to meet on the first trip, even get engaged, and consider marriage on a second trip....
[/quote]
This is good advice, but I would send for her and marry her today if I could. Yeah, I've got it bad for her :)
And yes, I have plenty of experience in relationships. Just not one with a Chinese lady.
[/quote]It is up to you and her, but that is the advice we offer, because this process is not easy, and takes a lot of time and effort to work out, and if possible you really want to avoid trouble.
[/quote]
It is good advice and it may work out that way. I have researched the process and does not appear that daunting. Would you care to extrapolate on the difficulties? I always like to be prepared.
Thanks for all your help
Tom
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See on any of the other free to view sites seeing you know her age and possibly her area , other guys have in the past found their ladies on other sites as well and saved themselves many dollars by a little detective work , regards Sujuan and Robert .
I have searched so many other sites that it is not funny. I found her profile on CFF only, but cannot get a reply. I believe that her agency has removed her from other sites for this reason. I am stuck paying the dollars until Feb 22, when I can purchase her contact info from ChnLove. I even sent my email on a note with some flowers. She did not receive my note. They are getting wise to that I guess and really like my money, haha.
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Tom,
I feel that a train wreck is coming...I hope not. Yes, I married on my first visit, but only after two years of daily contact via skype, texts, etc. You and she have not yet been tested with cultural differences. Have you even video chatted with her? Do you have a lot of non photo-shopped pictures? Do her parents support this? Do you understand the agency part regarding monies?
With only 60 days of letters, many of which are likely not her own words...marriage talk is crazy! You are in love with a puppy of unknown character and traits.
Do you expect to marry at the beginning or the end of the two weeks? I'd suggest the end if you go through with this. However, if she sleeps with you at the beginning without marriage...humm!
Tom, make this a fact finder trip without pressures for both sides. As of now you are both strangers.
Chris
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damn, Chris!
"...if she sleeps with you at the beginning without marriage...humm!"
I would have been a 36 yr old virgin! Maybe I could add 4 yrs & sell the movie rights.
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Tom. Your first mistake was using Chnlove. If there is money to be made then you will find legitimate deals along with a rash of scam . Don't get your hopes up. My first time out I used Chnlove and spent near a thousand on months of message exchanges. Only to find I fallen for the translator (who was a young man). The lady that I thought I was talking to, had no clue. And she was a beautiful photo-shopped lady that turned out to be as ugly as .....
Second time out ....same thing. So if you feel lucky go ahead but beware.
Years ago I was told by a friend who's was a Chinese man. Don't be trusting anybody, especially Chinese. That sounds a bit racist but, coming from a Chinese man it tells you a lot.
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JohnB...I agree, but the woman should at least tell him that to save face. At least, I was told that.
Gerry. It takes a big man to admit a love affair with a man! :-X
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It's funny now but at the time I was ready to strangle someone.
Hmmmm he was kind of nice and flattering. Said all the right things. I wonder what he would look like in a dress and wig.
All joking aside I was livid and when i went to China I stayed a week in Shenyang hoping to meet up and extract a 1000
dollars of his skin. I did meet up with the lady and spent the day discussing the methods used to extract cash from love sick men on the rebound. They have no scruples what so ever. They got my 1000 and had her under contract to pay 50,000 Yuan if they delivered me to the altar.
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Hmmmm he was kind of nice and flattering. Said all the right things. I wonder what he would look like in a dress and wig.
Well Gerry at least you were not thinking of him without clothes. Ha Ha
As for Tom maybe she may only live and work in the larger city of Nanning and that Zhengzhou is where her name is registered on the housebook. Often women discuss joining an agency or finding a match maker with family and friends, especially over New Year and will be persuaded to join when visiting home during that period. I understand that there is an upsurge in new female recruits to the agencies post Chinese New Year.
Willy
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This is good advice, but I would send for her and marry her today if I could. Yeah, I've got it bad for her :)
And yes, I have plenty of experience in relationships. Just not one with a Chinese lady.
I would also warn against marrying on the first trip. You might be surprised to learn how much is the agency talking for her. I also have a lot of experience in relationships. I also got married on my first trip. After bringing her to Canada, we were together 3 months. That's it...marriage over. We were too different, and we didn't give ourselves enough time to get to know each other. Another former member, and good friend of mine, Ed, also married on his first trip...in fact, within hours of his plane landing in China. He too was certain that this was the one. He too is divorced now. In the end, the choice is yours, but be warned.
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Thank you all.
What you say makes good sense. I will cool my jets. In February we should be able to use skype and such. I will still wait until our meet to give marriage any serious consideration. I do have a few non-photo shop pics (one with a gift I sent), so at least I have a decent chance that I am at least talking to the person I think I am. April is still a little ways off. I had already planned to get multiple use Visa in case I felt rushed.
I have enough divorces under my belt already. I don't need or want another.
On the other hand, if it hits off the way I think it will, all bets are off :) Yes, even then I would certainly want to wait til at least the end of the visit to marry.
My lady has a friend that she will have translate if needed (non-agency). We are both learning the lingo. But I still plan to take an electronic pocket translator because I don't want to rely on any third party past the first day.
Marry or not, right girl or not, I plan to have a great vacation at the least.
Again thanks. You all have been invaluable with your experience in this.
I will keep posting as new developments come.
Tom
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When I met my then to be wife in 2009 her English was limited to being able to say the alphabet letters one by one. Her words in English were limited to about the same that Mike found at his first meeting.
The electronic calculator was a must but she was a fast learner and could use the translator to not only converse with each other but she also used it to listen to words and phrases in English that she inputted in Chinese.
When using these then always remember make sentences brief as the translator memory can get confused and this means both to and from her. Do not cut phrases down to local speak either as it will not understand what you mean.
We then spent time together every day together for 4 months before we married and in that time everything, and I mean just about everything in the apartment had a stick on label with the items name in English and also in phonetic Chinese characters.
Now more than four years later we can have a chat together in a mixture of English and Chinese. As I intend to stay in China for ever then it became even more important for me to learn Chinese and I have a Chinese language Teacher that comes to me every day so I speak more Chinese day by day both with my wife and her eldest daughter.
Willy