China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: Jay W on April 16, 2009, 03:58:13 am
-
I want to start out by saying that I wish I found this site sooner, it is jammed packed with good information. I think Vince could write a book.
About a month ago, I hit it off with a lady on the site, and I have been racking up the EMF's. I kept writing to her because I detected a sincerity that appeared to be genuine. What was amazing was that there never seemed to be any translation confusion between us, and every letter had near impeccable grammar and exquisite sentence structure. A good deal of things we discussed were complex items no "form translating software" could tackle. However, the last few letters... all has changed. I spend half my time on the return letter clearing up confusion. The letters seem sloppily translated, and I have to remind her of things I said in past letters. I have two fears; one is that I think I might be getting bamboozled, the other is that her lack of english ability might be too great to overcome if I brought her over. I have told her I will always be honest with her. Here are my questions:
Do I confront her about this downturn in quality of letters? Or should I be the cad and just block her?
Is it foolhardy of me to believe I can bring her over when she speaks little to no english?
Is there someone out there that has had success communicating with a lady of limited english ability and made it work?
I am very confused and need advice.
Thanks.
- Jay
P.S. On a topic a bit off tangent, I have still looked though my admirer mails while communicating with the lady I am talking to now. I am bemused to see ladies who claim to be "serious" about marriage, but they are scantily clad in their photos, posing in very flimsy dresses/lingerie. One "serious" person posed with unbuttoned jeans. One girl's picture set included a photo that exposed her panties. Yep, she's "serious" about marriage. :lol: One asked me a hypothetical question about toilets. I assume others have noticed this. Has someone compiled a blacklist of agencies to avoid?
-
Jay we will see what others think , but if you are using EMf , I would have at a guess that your translating person has changed , therefore they have no prior knowledge or they in fact have less English ability .
probably 95 out of every 100 on the website have little or no English word knowledge and the idea is to ease things along to the point where you have their address - send them a surprise via the website and also ask if they have computer access .
Most profiles have the women as learning English where as in fact they have said to the agencies that they will learn English if it is necessary , as if a lady meets a nice guy from Iran he might only speak Persian .
you can always nicely query the translation either with a note to the translator or via the inquiry system at the front of the official website .
As to what the women wear sometimes it is the photographers suggestions , and not what the ladies would be normally wearing , remember they are only subjects who pay dearly to be listed .
-
LMAO I was wondering when someone was going to ask you if you were going to write a book about all the things going on with Chnlove, facebook, forum and now the brotherhood, when you get it done I want a signed autographed copy :lol:
-
JAY: re your PS: If you have the time, try: http://agencyscams.com/index.html (mostly russian ) or http://www.pfishy.com/site/chnlove.com I prefer not to take onboard their cynicism, but its helpful to know what goes on 'out there'. As to the 'skimpy' pics, I suppose the best mouse traps don't chase mice. But I personally feel a touch of modesty is much more attractive :-)
-
Thanks for the response. I think I have come away with these thoughts:
A. I should give her the benefit of the doubt and blame the translator.
B. I should work for the weening of the translator. I believe that I am running into a wall with human translation and I cannot continue the EMF saga indefinitely.
C. I think I should be second in line (behind Norb) for an autographed copy of Vince's book. :D
D. Even though the racy photos may be nice to look at, they do not aid the girls in finding marriage material. Now I should publish that toilet question (if I still have it) for you guys to see.
My new question is this: how long did you do EMF service before you transitioned to another form of communication? I've seen Vince's response that it was two EMF's and a cloud of dust (he's the yoda of chnlove after all :P ). Does anyone else have any thoughts? Thanks for the advice so far.
-
I'm going on 3 months through EMF's and my girl is diligently studying English. She feels confident we'll be able to have a decent conversation soon. I'm dying to hear her voice but I know it'll come sooner or later. I'm learning the hard way not to rush. Patience and understanding. ;)
-
Jay, I think its important to realise that these pictures are taken by agency photographers mostly. And to be honest I think some of the ladies are a bit innocent as to how they are being portrayed.
The photographer gets them on a shoot and takes many many pictures over the course of a few hours and the agency uploads the ones they like. The lady I'm chatting with currently never even saw her profile on chnlove before i showed it to her when I was over there.
Regarding the language thing, it most definitely can be a problem, that's why I think its essential to chat to her if possible on msn , qq or whatever before going over there and discovering that you just cannot communicate with each other. She doesnt need to have perfect English, you can communicate a lot with even bad English and visual cues - thats why web cams work great!
-
Ronan:
I tend to agree on the photos. However, I do think there are a small fraction that do know what they are doing when posing. As Brittney Spears once sang, they are "not that innocent". :P
I have sent her a letter to her to attempt to ween her off of EMF's. I think if we continue down the EMF road, neither of us would be properly served. I agree with Ronan and Vince have the right idea to venture into webcams, skype, and other tools. I know that I didn't properly learn French until I was fully immersed in the language in France. Both of us need to make the attempt to immerse each other in our languages in order to truly find out if we can make this work.
-
Jay, I think its important to realise that these pictures are taken by agency photographers mostly. And to be honest I think some of the ladies are a bit innocent as to how they are being portrayed.
The photographer gets them on a shoot and takes many many pictures over the course of a few hours and the agency uploads the ones they like. The lady I'm chatting with currently never even saw her profile on chnlove before i showed it to her when I was over there.
Regarding the language thing, it most definitely can be a problem, that's why I think its essential to chat to her if possible on msn , qq or whatever before going over there and discovering that you just cannot communicate with each other. She doesnt need to have perfect English, you can communicate a lot with even bad English and visual cues - thats why web cams work great!
Yes, but she is responsible for her dress and projecting an image she's like others to see.
-
Actually I think what might have happened is the translator was writing to Jay with the help of his lady and now his actual lady is doing the writing. This same thing happened to me. I could tell exactly when my translator stopped writing and the lady started writing her own letters...
Just my opinion... but let me guess... the letters also got shorter and now are not completely full of the lovey dovey stuff too?
Big Dave
-
Dave,
What sent my alarm bells was not the lack or increase of lovey dovey language, it was forgetting preferences (favorite foods, etc.) that I just had told her about a couple of letters past. After I expressed my concerns to her, things were explained.
It was explained to me that my girl has been busy at work, and the translator translates what is written to her by my girl. If her letter is scatterbrained and absent-minded, the EMF will be too. I've asked my girl to get plenty of rest and write me when she can spare a moment. I've also put the translator on notice too. If there was funny stuff going on, I doubt it will continue any more. What was also reassuring is that she sent a real life photo of herself preparing dinner.
She has also agreed to my plan to cut the EMF strings in the very near future. I think this will be good for both of us. The ones on here that advocating me giving her the benefit of the doubt were correct. Thank you.
Jay
-
Ronan:
I tend to agree on the photos. However, I do think there are a small fraction that do know what they are doing when posing. As Brittney Spears once sang, they are "not that innocent". :P
Jay, I talked to a lady about the pictures once . We had more a friendship than a relationship. I got to know, that she has been told by the photographer's that western men like little more "naughty" pictures. I believe that the ladies are often very unsure what to do in such a photo session.
-
About the photo's. My wife and friends, and many others, enjoy getting all dolled up and having really nice pictures taken of them. There are many studios, often in the malls, and there's a flood of people in all day long. The photographer is the one telling them how to pose and trying to get that nice shot they're paying for.
I wouldn't be so terribly concerned with the outside since it's the inside that matters more. My wife wasn't the best looking of my admire mails but certainly seemed the most genuine. She takes amazing studio pics but her every day face is still beautiful but very much like the rest of China. It might be why they do this, so they do feel a bit different.
Anyways, I wouldnt dwell too much on the perfect photo's since they're paying for it. Would you accept any less if you were flippin the bill? hehe. Not me!
-
I got a letter the other day from Kathy, and it was quite short and not as the way she usually writes, and I replied asking why Yuki (Translator) never wrote it, you will be able to tell when they are not the usual translators mate. Translator was off for the day.:rolleyes:
-
I've learnt a lot today from reading various things in the forums and looking at different links. looking at that Agencyscams website, it says about "being wary" of chnlove and how the translators reply to messages as part of a big money squandering act. After reading these rather worrying facts, I am still not deterred and will continue to contact my lady. It can't be all bad seeing as we're now sharing over private email too?? have to wait and see I suppose! I'm happy, so I don't mind. :)
-
Gentlemen:
It's has been a while since I wrote an update. As I mentioned in another thread the father of my lady had a recurrence of a stroke and is functioning at a 3 year old level. That was over a month ago. I have been patient, and not have forced the direct communication plan I had worked out with her before the incident.
In the interim, I have sent e-mail and a QQ request to her. She has now started a new business (selling computer software) and claims her e-mail and QQ account were hacked. I sent another e-mail to a new address and an EMF. The EMF made no reference to the new e-mail I sent even though I made mention of it in my EMF. I am also confused about this new job since she doesn't have any education in the computer software field (she was a hair dresser). I have a feeling this business is some Amway-esque scheme.
I have the feeling I am getting the end-around. It's been three EMFs since getting her new e-mail and no mention has been made. Her letters get more generic and detached.
I want to be the good guy and stick it out given the situation, but I am on the precipice of deciding that it is more advantageous to just move on. Our connection has just fizzled. I am waiting until the weekend before I make my firm decision. Thoughts?
-
Jay , you done your part already . I agree with Mike on this , let it go and find yourself another Woman . You can keep in contact with her only to be a friend and be supportive to her because of her Dad . You don't want to come out , looking cold in her eyes . But move on . Don't take it any deeper .. you might like it even less down the Road .
-
Jay yes move on it has lost its spark.There is like 6,000 other women waiting to talk to you.So why waste your time on this one.I didn't work out nothing else needs to be done on your part.
-
Jamesm_406,
Private emails can also be scammed. I was scammed with normal messages as well as "private emails" for 5 months, which later turned out to have been written by agency staff on the agency's office network (not always on the same computer). Having re-read and carefully analyzed all communication, I have to admit it was brilliant although with hindsight I could have observed small red flags.
Then I wasted a trip to China only to meet an imposter. Because the girl depicted in the profile got married well before I started writing to her, she was substituted with someone else.
On free sites I might expect scamming. NOT ON A SITE LIKE THIS WHERE WE ALL PAY REAL MONEY.
Toon.
-
Toon ... how that makes me think ... What if that happened to Me ? Even though I'm done searching , this just runs through your Mind , knowing how different my whole Life could have been , have I got a hold of a BAD translator or Agency . When People say ... Your Lucky ! Their are so right , not just because the Wife I found , but how I found her . I consider myself very Lucky in more than a few way's .
-
Arnold,
In normal life it takes a good deal of understanding to build up and maintain a good relationship. Note: Good communication is the key.
If our lady does not even speak our language, you get to know each other slowly and much later, with many frustrations on the way. Doesn't help at all. But where is that good communication? You won't have your (human) translator in everyday life.
Physical beauty is very nice indeed, and essential for the human race to procreate... but the language barrier scares me. Here you certainly do need some luck as well.
Toon
-
Toon I know your going to find this hard to beleave.But the Language barrier does help.The reason it helps is because you are paying attention to what the women is trying to say to you.Ans she is trying to understand what you are saying.
Good communication and commitment on both sides.Is the key to making this work.If you and your lady don't speak the same launguge what do you do? You put some effort and some hard work into it.
-
Agreed, but I always listen carefully anyway. If anything is not clear, I ask for clarification. And vice versa.
I spent a few days with a Chinese girl some years ago, and again last month (one week in China without love interpretors mostly), and it was hard, and I am a very patient person.
Of course, where there is love and committment, it can be overcome.