China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: Jimmy on July 30, 2009, 07:48:54 am
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Libo has contacted me and ask me to send her some more pictures of me and my children she wants hard copies and wants me to mail them to:
"Zhang Yannian C/O Liu Libo
Public Security Bureau Of FangZheng County,
Harbin,150812,Heilongjiang,
P.R.China
Zhang Yannian is my brother-in-law, when you send your pictures to there, it won't be lost and I can get it in the first time. " is what she wrote this all looks very suspicious and after doing only a min or 2 of search on this place started looking scary. I am not sending them under any circumstances and unless someone can tell me a reason I shouldn't I am cutting off all communication with this woman. The stuff I read was about torture and crap like that these people dont need to know what I look like.
Those of you that remember what all happen a few months ago this brother in law would be the husband of the evil sister. In fact the little I read about this place made me very sad to think about what could be happening to the very nice lady I have gotten to know over the past half year.
In the past I have sent her almost 100 pictures I always put 3 on every EMF so she has plenty and they are all new why so important to have more now suddenly and they must be mailed to this place?
Do the research brothers tell me what you can.
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Jimmy
Do as you please, but I think, no big deal. He's a policeman. What of it? It's a big country. Most people's lives there are just the same as they are anywhere. Maybe the pictures the agency prints off for her are bad quality and she wants some that are just perfect to show off to her friends at work. I think take it easy and just go with the flow. Send the photos to the address like she says and think nothing more of it. Almost all of the time I've found everything has a really ordinary and down to earth explanation. I think don't let your imagination run away with you, and let it spoil something really good.
Sure there's some pretty terrible stuff that happens there, but that's no secret either. There's a time and place to stand up for what's right. And the best place to do that is in your own country. In everyone's country there are evils to fight. It's not my responsibility to fight what's wrong in China. My responsibility is to do the best I can where I am. You shine your light in your small corner of the world and I in mine.
Danny
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The stuff I read was about torture
Jim if this was true you wouldn't be reading it. Most likely it's like Danny said. They can receive it there and it's a photo not a printout on a piece of paper. Which is how they print the photos. It might come out looking like a fax photo? Besides that, What do you think they are doing? Waiting for you to show up so torture you? Maybe they don't like Sesame Street or the Muppets?
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Jimmy,
My future brother in law is IN the Secret Police. I tell you the first time I heard that, it freaked me out. Am I still leery? Of course, but I am not letting it stop me from being with my woman. I can understand your concern. Take the 24 hour rule like I did, calm down and ask her. It is all probably reasonable.
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Jimmy,
I think your blowing this way out of proportion, your seeing things that just aren't there!! What Danny and Vince wrote, is much more likely to be closer to the truth of the matter....
You'd be surprised just how many secret police there are in China. The thing is, if you don't highlight yourself, then they won't have any interest in you what-so-ever. ...Full Stop!!
Most of you that have been to China, have probably met at least one of them, without even realising it. They are literary ....everywhere!!
Now, how cool is that, to have a family member in the Security Bureau!! These guy's can cut through red tape, like a knife through butter. So keep friendly, and you have a good contact that you can call on, when you may need some help. So think positive, and not Negative, all contacts in authority in China, are well worth having, and nurturing, believe me!!
David.....
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My brother-in-law (LOL) is at the Economic Police and fights corruption... I guess it is like try to swim up the Niagara falls..
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Chill jim you really are getting your self in a pickal over this one mine wanted hard copys of my pic,s becase from cl she only got black and white ones.
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Ok you guys are probably right I think the part that made me freak a little is this brother in law is the husband of the sister that hates Americans. And why send the pictures there instead of just sending them to her house? I have sent her gifts and she got them ok.
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Hell I might as well say it to.RelaxJimmy.All the prevoise post before mine are right.Pay attention especially to what David50 is telling you.In China it doesn't matter who you are but who you know.This guy can cut threw all the red tape on the ladies side.
I would send her the pictures.If I was that interested in her.She would be a good friend to have.And the guy would to.
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The same bureau also deals with residents permits and other mundane matters as well as normal police work. If youi ever need to extend your visa it is at the same place.
And post to that address is never going to go astray is it.
Willy
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Jimmy I think they are watching out for her. First your name? Maybe they think it's made up? You say the sister hates Americans? There has to be a reason. Maybe somebody screwed her over? So now they are making sure your real. Funny when the shoes on the other foot huh!
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That's a tough nut to crack having a sister that hates Americans. Move on up to Canada, everyone loves Canadians!:icon_cool:
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Jimmy I think they are watching out for her. First your name? Maybe they think it's made up? You say the sister hates Americans? There has to be a reason. Maybe somebody screwed her over? So now they are making sure your real. Funny when the shoes on the other foot huh!
Then again they could be sizing you up to see how many dumplings can be processed from one American. ^_^ Just seems she wants something real to hold onto, and something real for the family as well, I wouldnt sweat it.
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Jimmy are you trying to compete my title for the most paranoid guy on this forum. Listen to what the other guys said, honestly I think it.s nothing. Besides it is always really good to know local authorities when in China. System is not the best yet they can be a big help when sorting through things. Choose your fights wisely and you'll never lose. In my past I've been that angry guy but since moving here I've learned to be more tolorent and patient.
China Shark Mike
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Ok you guys are probably right I think the part that made me freak a little is this brother in law is the husband of the sister that hates Americans.
Jimmy, this may come as a bit of a shock, but maybe half the world hates Americans.
When I went to university here in Australia I used to be the only one in my tutorials who had anything good to say about Americans.
All the Amercians I've ever met I've really liked, but I'm not blind to the fact that a lot of people (unfairly) think that Americans are awful.
If you treat your woman well, there's every chance however that she might come around to having you as the exception that proves the rule.
Good luck!
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Hell, I'm not to keen on some Americans either?
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Interesting point Danny. When I lived in Japan all my Australian friends would always tell how much they disliked Americans. Hell, I don't like quite a few that's why I chose to move here. Just yesterday I found out that my honey never wants to move to America, so looks like the Shark is setting up permanent residency in China. However, I insisted that once our children grow up they will attend college in America. The America dream was lost 40 years ago when we lost our innocence in the 60s. It was nice while it lasted. Now I'll watch the same process happen to China as it emerges to become a super power. Makes you think sometimes if progress really worth it sometimes.
China Shark Mike
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When I lived in Japan all my Australian friends would always tell how much they disliked Americans.
It's part of the reason I'm not thinking of marrying a woman from Australia.
If it was just Americans they disliked, I could live with that. But it's everything else they dislike.
Australian women dislike a whole lot of things. This is not just about having preferences, for example, choosing someone who is attractive. What I mean is that a lot of them actively dislike lots of different people. It's just their whole attitude to other people who are different to them.
A lot of them have no respect for other people. If they don't like something or someone, they let it hang out, and showing their dislike and impatience makes them look really ugly and aggressive.
A lot of them carry around in their heads long, long lists of their likes and dislikes. And so if you don't meet everything on their internal list it's going to take a whole lot for them to get over their disappointment.
They have a really well developed sense of entitlement and it's real hard to make any of them happy. I know it's beyond my capabilities.
They don't like macho men, they don't like wimpy men, they don't like ugly men, they don't like men who earn less than them, they don't like men you aren't as clever as they are, they don't like men who disagree with them, they don't like dull men . . . I could go on and on, but you get the picture.
I am not saying that all of them are unpleasant. I'm just saying that there are some really ugly Australians (and I'm not talking about appearance) and I reckon I have a better chance of happiness elsewhere.
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Well Danny if you take it one step further you have American women.
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Oooooooo, that's well below the belt Vince, apologise at once!! ...hahaha!!
David....
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Oooooooo, that's well below the belt Vince, apologise at once!! ...hahaha!!
David....
David, if you don't believe Vince, I'll be more then happy to introduce you to my ex, I hear tell she is divorcing her new husband and is looking for her next mark..... uhhmmmm, lover/husband :icon_biggrin:
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Well Danny if you take it one step further you have American women.
David , what he meant ... was add a few ( hundred ) pounds and you have American Women .
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Guys, let me tell you a little story. I came down with a really nasty flu {not the Swine flu either} and Amy has been doting and forcing every know Chinese remedy on me. I've never felt that of caring from any other human in my life. I'm her number one priority in her life, I always come before anything else in her life. She comes on kind of strong at times yet I know she only wants the best for me. Can't even imagine marrying any other woman but this one. I keep pinching myself trying to prove to myself that it isn't real. Guys on here are open minded and not going to settle for anything else, we have the courage to follow our hearts. Have to get off the computer because I promised her I would only be on for 5 minutes and then would get back into bed to rest and recover. She's making a better man out of the Shark, loves me with tattoos even though she doesn't like them. Slags are what all the rest in my book are. Western women ain't worth a damm on a good day. Sorry, I realize I slam western women too much but is so damm easy.
China Shark Mike
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Im sorry but it really do my head in the way you guys go on about western women painting them with the same brush not all are the same there is good and bad on both sides of the world,i was togaver with my ex best part of 20 years things was good for the best part of it,yes we parted but still i want tar them with the same brush,just think we should be carefull not keep doing this if i remeber it was david sead are we calling are mums and daughters this its just not right.But i do understand what your saying,and when things are sorted for me ill shall be back on that road to find my self a good chinese woman.
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Victor, I agree with what you say. There's good and bad everywhere. But sometimes you just have to generalise. It's unavoidable.
Each person I meet I try to treat as an individual and not as a representative of a particular group. I judge them by who they are as an individual. Not what other people who resemble them or similar to them are like.
When I start out on my journey to find someone to share my journey with, I take into consideration a whole lot of stuff, whether or not it's politically correct or anything else. Let's call it "profiling" - you can't do it if you're working at the airport, but when you're choosing your partner you can do as you please *laughs*
I reckon its pretty interesting how each of us ended up here and not down the road at Columbian or Russian equivalent of chnlove. That's really interesting to me.
I know it's not so complimentary to western women, bless their hearts. But the fact of the matter is things need to have gone not so well for you in your own country to ever consider marrying someone half away around the world, who speaks the most incomprehensible language on earth.
If everything was working out just fine at home, you'd be crazy to take the path we're on. Maybe we're crazy anyhow.
They are all really interesting stories. While they will all sound a bit grumpy when we explain "why", it's something we share, and it's part of the story I think. So I reckon, cut them some slack.
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Each person I meet I try to treat as an individual and not as a representative of a particular group. I judge them by who they are as an individual. Not what other people who resemble them or similar to them are like. ......Maybe we're crazy anyhow.
Nicely said Danny. Yeh we are crazy, but it`s a question of what sort of ones and from which point of view!
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Get well soon Mike, and do as the little woman says.hehehe:angel:
I agree with Victor I believe that there are good and bad no matter whereabouts in the world you are, I was with my ex for 28 and a half years, mostly all good, after the break up I would have said many derogatory things about her, however, since 'getting' my head together and realising 'why' it happened, I figure life goes on.
I treat everyone as a human being with a clean slate, and guy's I was 'hurt' REALLY bad, now I just have my eyes and ears open from the outset...:icon_biggrin:
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Victor, when I'm painting with the wide brush believe me, my family is part of it. Can't get around it, they are what they are and I'll not be the politically correct guy and say otherwise. Danny is right, we have to allow for a little venting occassionaly. I don't begrudge western women, they're just not for me. I want a woman who has grace and style, a woman with purpose who believes in the sanctity of marraige. Chinese women are the complete opposite of what todays modern day western women are. We're all on here for a reason and it's not because we've been treated well by our own women. I've had a fascination with Asian culture for at least the past twenty years, was married to a Chinese girl before. For a sensitive caring guy the only choice can be a Chinese woman. Both sides on this thing believes in romance and want to capture it before it's too late. I've made up my mind and I hope to at least marry Amy by the end of the month in a small civil ceremony then save for the real tradition Chinese one with her family in Beijing. There is absolutely no comparing any other women to a good Chinese woman, and this is coming from a guy who's been involved with so not so nice Chinese women. Besides the comic relief busting on western women is just too funny.
China Shark Mike
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I've never been through a divorce, but it can't be any worse than going through a partners death (of 20+ yrs.) I can understand the hurt, a divorce brings, i have enough friends and family that's gone through that mill!!
I think the biggest upsets to your life in that circumstance, is not generally being able to have daily interaction with your children and losing your house, ...basically having to start all over again.
Hard not to have a bad word or being non complementary for your countries women really. We tend not to think, that by bad mouthing our own women and taring all with the same brush, that we are in fact including our own Mothers, our Daughters, our Sisters, and every other female member of our families. Which is Crazy!! The real truth of the matter, is that there are good and bad everywhere. The fact that the guy's here including myself have found or looking for Chinese women to be our next wife, is just our choice made for our own reasons!!
One more fact, that most here either don't or won't believe is that, there are some real bad cows in China too!! They are definitely Not ALL sweetness and white!! As some of you here have already found out to your cost. So those that are new, and even those that are not so new, .....Always have your wit's and commonsense about you, (just as you would dating a western woman) You can still let your hearts sore, so long as your head is still in control..... haha!!
Oh, and Arnold, believe it or not, there are actually some real crazy men out there that love that ''Rolly Polly'' look in their women!! Funny, ...they always seem to be those thin weedy looking guys too. haha!!
David....
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No one said "ALL" woman here, there, wherever. I've been a magnet for the crazies no matter if they're slim, fat, tall, short... Western women lead in " yeah yeah you love me, what can you give me?" attitude. More then western women intimidate a man, so it's not a cornered market. I tell them up front "Don't try to play me" and they try to anyway. Face it, For western women Money Trumps Love. It doesn't for me, so I went looking elsewhere.
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Oh yeah I love that reverse argument they start. Clear sign they are up to no good.
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Well vince i must be leaveing a sheltered life becase i have neaver come across them sort of women but there agen i do come from a small ish town mybe its diffrent,as for you saying no one sead all western are the same i must of been reading it wrong becase what i have read some are saying that and its got nuffin to do with being politically right no one person is the same.Maybe we should agree to disagree prob be for the best i dont want to full out with anyone on this subjet.
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Maybe we should agree to disagree prob be for the best i dont want to full out with anyone on this subjet.
Let's turn it around for you then. I wonder why you are considering meeting a Chinese woman from China, rather than a woman from your own smallish town? or from the larger towns or cities that are near your own smallish town? There are lots of available women in your own country. Why do you wish to meet women that are so incredibly far away from you? I'm wondering whether you're able to explain this choice without recourse to possibly unfair generalisations?
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Danny because he cannot, sorry Victor but he is right. If you had a better course of action there is no way he'de be undertaking such and ardous process. This has got to be the complex way to meet your future spouse bar none. What person in thier right mind would choose a path fraught with obstacles and uncertainty, a person dedicated to finding the most suitable reguardless of how difficult the journey may be. We are misfits from western society who just will not accept the low standards most western cultures have on choosing a mate. It isn't like buying a car, this thing is until death do us part. Almost all of us on here it is our last chance a real happiness with a woman that loves us for who we are and nothing else. We are all just stating the obvious things that we've all encountered. When I get on my soapbox slamming western women I am also including my mother, aunts, sisters and other women in my life in America. Why do you think I chose to leave America, tired of that type of attitude. Our western cultures have evolved into a bunch of selfcentered what's in it for me, {men and women}. Sorry, but I'll never cowtow to those kind of attitudes. Over the last 9 months I've come to realize some of the more important things in life. Money, big house and nice car aren't even on the list either.
China Shark Mike
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Guys your have to forgive me im not so well versed in writing as you guys are but ill try Mike i take my hat off to you mate for what you have done i would neaver take away the things you done its just the soapbox thing about western women mybe your just useing it as a refrance im not sure geez im just digging my hole deeper here,i know what i mean but just cant exspess my self how i want to on paper ill just shut up :s.
Dany i want what we all want a woman to be a woman like they used to be and i dont mean they do as they are told i just want a woman to be a woman agen if you understand what im trying to say.
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Victor,
I know what you mean, even if no-one else does!! I think a lot on here use the western women as some sort of scape goat, to reassure themselves their doing the right thing by finding a Chinese wife.
It's far easier to generalise about western women, than to admit that they chose those western women that let them down. ....I wonder if they will generalise the Chinese women, after maybe their chosen woman lets them down also?? ...Guess we'll just have to wait and see on that one!! ...hahaha!!
David.....
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Dany i want what we all want a woman to be a woman like they used to be and i dont mean they do as they are told i just want a woman to be a woman agen if you understand what im trying to say.
That's a good answer Victor and apologies if I sounded like I was having a go at you. You do sound like a good and honest man, and I really do hope you find a good woman to love, and who will in turn love you too.
I think if my relationship with my Chinese woman was to fail, which it might, I am not sure that I would just keep going with this. The longer I go in my journey, the more I realise how hard this is. I don't think even being single is such a terrible fate. You can be happy in lots of different kinds of ways.
Danny
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No need to apologies Danny we was only talking its cool.
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David been down that road twice already, first Chinese wife and the ex I came here to China to be with. I might be a loudmouth yet am really speaking from personal experience dating back as far as 15 yrs ago. Yes, there are quite a few dissappointments in some Chinese women, dating several after I left Mei. Some wanted marraige right away, some wanted a cool western platonic boyfriend, some were looking for me to be thier sugar daddy. Tell you a story, tried dating a western women about 6 or 7 years ago, was with her for a year and a half. Always trying to change me and not necessarily for my own good {for her expectations}, I would be fine with the status quo yet she always felt we needed to talk more, it was nice the first 4 months or so then it became like a job. You never come to stay at my place as much {6 cats???}, she was older so I became the trophy younger guy, so many dissapointments I stopped dating for that 6 years or so. All women come with baggage yet Chinese come with a lot less, they still know how to act feminine in this day and age, don't have to worry about her looking to upgrade. I know what I want in life and it ain't second best. All of you guys are on here for the same reason so don't start that sanctimonius drivel, not buying it. If it makes you feel better yes there are some good western women out there and they all happened to be happily married. Victor, don't sweat it brother if I thought you couldn't take I would have never dished it out. Some of us like to think there is good in all people, it's just not true, most people in western cultures think about numero uno all the time, if you deny this you're a hypocrite. Our culture raises us as young children to always do for yourself first then if you have anything left share it with the love of your life or family and friends. Unfortunately some never seems enough to satisfy our overinduldgent needs. Am I spouting nonsense or is some of it ringing true. I've lived in America for 44 yrs and a year and a half living and working in Japan as well as China. I've spent my whole life searching for the meaning of it all. Then one day an epiphany hit me like an iron sledge, to love and be loved till the day you die. I just want a simple life with a woman I care deeply about. If that is outdated I'm sorry. I've traveled around the world three times, climbed Mt. Fuji from the base to the summit, taught and lived in China as well as Japan. I've experienced more things in my life than most could accomplish in two lifetimes. I just found out recently my lady never wants to move out of China, so I'll live my days out here. Everything I say in my posts is coming from the heart and how I feel. It's all good though because we are all brothers at heart. Don't anybody get the idea that I'm this aultuistic guy either, I'm doing this for myself as anyone else. I stopped talking to family and friends at home because they very rarely seem to want to write back or communicate because they don't know what to make of my situation. Right here is the closest thing I have to next to my lady. Love me or hate me I'm here to stay.
China Shark Mike
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Im with you on them subjets mike 1.They still know how to act feminine in this day and age, don't have to worry about her looking to upgrade 2.just want a simple life with a woman I care deeply about. If that is outdated I'm sorry.
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Victor, I do not live even near a small town. I grew up in an suburb of New York City. Usually NYC leads in trends, fashion, finances and others. So when the "I WANT" started I'm sure it started there too. I can only give my own experiences encountered or others around me that have in this matter.
My sister lives in a large house, in a very rich neighborhood. Drives German cars, and a business. But she did it herself even though she's married to a Brit. My daughters so far, if they want something they get it themselves. But I had a hand in that. My Ex-wife on the other hand takes from whoever she can. She's remarried so it's his problem now.
I can go on with a few I dated before moving but I'll just give you one. Only saw this woman on the weekend (Saturday) she told me her other boyfriends were millionaires and paid her rent, so I should too? Keep in mind I'm not cheap, we went out to dinner and I did buy her things. I just wasn't going to pay her rent. Turned out someone I knew also dated her, he didn't pay her rent either.
I moved to South Florida. It is not a small town either. It is a city of a million or so. I moved here for many reasons but hoping to meet a different type woman. I was wrong. They are even worse here. Here they do things like move into your home. After a while they call the police and say you beat her or something like that. Your removed from the home and she takes it. Not only that but she moves a boyfriend in. This happens not only here but within a 1000 mile radius.
So where do you go to get away from all this nonsense? I chose China. There are some in China that are up to the western ways. The I want or the How to get. But it is much less there. They are more modest.
So though it may seem the meaning is ALL western women? I cannot say ALL. I haven't met all. Lets say the majority.
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China Shark Mike,
First off, I've never been one to dish out ''sanctimonious drivel'' that just ain't me at all. I tell it, how i see it and the devil, or me be dammed!! Also been called a lot of things over the years, but never been called a
hypocrite either!! ...haha!!
What i, and some others on here can't understand, ...why is there a need about you guy's to rubbish the western women at every turn?? You've made it quite clear, that your futures lay to the East now. So why do you feel the need to keep looking back, instead of going where your wanting to be??
I'm not here to try and change your mind about western women, you have your opinions and i will keep mine. but have you ever thought, that it might have been the type of women you are/were attracted to in the west, that is/was the problem?? There's just too many variables to be able to condemn ALL the western woman, just as many in fact as there is to be able to Praise ALL the Chinese women....
It may be worth mentioning here, that you will find plenty of men that have found there perfect women in western countries, my late wife was perfect for me. The fact that i have found a perfect (future) wife again, albeit from China is neither here nor there. I don't even know WHY, people here even need to bring this topic up!! ....i can see NO need and NO point to it, ...really!! Not unless you need an excuse for yourself for looking to China to find your next wife....
Mike I applaud your travels and seeing a bit more of this world than most. It definitely broadens our horizons, and our overall attitude to life, ....it certainly did mine.
David.....
Vince,
You haven't met the majority either, Now be honest!! ..... not unless your a real ''Jack the Lad'' Hahahaha!!
David....
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Vince i did not know it was that bad there my self have neaver come accross that well not in that way anyways,but i do understand were you are comeing from,all i was saying is that paint brush was to wide sweeping of western woman but majority sits better.But anyways guys peace ;)
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Victor, I could go on with many more stories. But I also want to add that the men aren't any better. They allow it. I'll give another instance. Dating this young woman years ago. She had said to me "When we get engaged, I want a minimum of a 2 karat diamond" ring in a certain shape and even a certain gold value. I told her she gets what I give. And she got it too, but not from me.
David, Majority? maybe? maybe not. But I do read allot, and watch or observe and have become pretty good at picking them out.
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Vince,
I'm a people watcher too, when I'm having a coffee or a beer down at the beach cafe's. Mainly the big boobs walking past.. ...hahaha!!
I tend to watch the body language between couples. Doesn't matter what nationality, they are, ..body language is always the same. You'll be surprised at what you can read by watching them, just for a couple of minutes or so.
Learnt the basic skills at Uni', and have practised it ever since. It's just the job for a ''Jack the Lad'' like yourself, you always know if / when your on a winner, even before they do ....hahaha!!
I wouldn't believe 10% of what's printed in UK newspapers/magazines, 90% assumptions, could be's, maybes, and could possibly be's, and the like.....
David.....
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I have thousands of stories, all true and that's why I'm writing a book. Relationships, women and who I've met. So many I started to forget some. I go back and write in more. No, I'm not saying I was "With" them all, but women trend to tell me things they don't tell others? I don't know why? When I go to those beach cafe's I refrain from even saying Hi, I end up hearing there life story. Guys do it too?
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Guys, yes I come across as abrasive at times. It's to help you guys not hinder your journey. Sometimes you just have to call em' like you see them and let the chips fall where they may. Many of you guys are still wearing blinders on and getting taken advantage for being too trusting of western women as well as Chinese women.
Shark
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China Shark,
I wouldn't bother about it too much, it takes all sorts to make this world go round, and the same goes for on this Forum too.... How really dull it would be, if everyone agreed with each other ALL the time.
No, .... a bit of fire and bluster keeps us all awake!! Just have to remember the dreaded Mods, and keep it all toned down a touch... hahaha!!
David.....
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Yeah those dreaded Mods....oh crap
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Vince,
You must be one of those touchy feely guys that women love to be around. ...hahaha!!
I know what you mean about these women giving you there life story, i get a fair bit of that myself, when i'm on my own....
David....